Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: My Generation 

“The year is 1988, the year of legacy day is final upon us, a momentous occasion where the descendants of the most notorious fairytale characters sign their names in the storybook of legends, and pledge to all the fairytale world to follow in the footsteps of those who came before them, but what was destiny really? To most it was seen as a privilege to be born into a family that guaranteed them a happily ever after, for others it was seen as a curse being doomed to follow a path that they didn't even want but being too afraid to reject the path shaved out for them in the fears of their story disappearing and being seen as a failure in the eyes of their families, so their willingly comply to following the status quo, giving away their own happiness in the process,while others could care less either way, as long as they had a happy ending they had no problem with fulfilling their purpos- 

“What a total snoozefest, let's get to the story already, the drama, the romance, the suspense, that's what people want to read! Let's go and see what the Royals are doing, like Snow White, Cinderella, Charming or Goldilocks oh and the new Princess on the block Grace, everyone knows that a good story always starts with royals.”

“Excuse me, um who's the one telling the story here?

“ Rude! It just isn’t fair, you always get to start the story first.”

“ Well it's not my fault that you suck at rock paper scissors, that's all on you sweetheart.”

“ First off, don't call me sweetheart, I'm no one's sweetheart especially not yours and second I wasn't ready, you always go way too fast.”

“ That's what she said! Ha!”

“ Ugh! YOU PERV!”

“ Ehhhhh! Finnne! Since you're being such a big bad baby about this, we'll go one more time, I don't want to hear anymore complaining, it's final this time, I'll go real slow this time, hope you keep up.”

“ Screw you”

“ Oh you wish! But sorry hon, loud mouth, overzealous, know-it-alls are soooo not my type.”

“ OVERZEALOUS!! 

“Ok let's go readyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, settttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy1……………………….…….2..………………………… 2 and a half………………….....................

“ Hurry up already!! Oh my Fairy Godmother, the tortoise and hare could have a race to the Jade Empire and back and we’ll still be here”

“ Ok! First you say I'm going too fast, now you say I'm too slow, you're such a tease, eh! women am I right fellas!”

“ Eh women, my fine hot ass, just play the game already and properly this time” 

“Fine,...... ready… rock, paper, scissors shot!!!! ha! paper beats rock I win! Ha! Take that!” 

“ Show off.” 

“ As the clear victor of the 50th battle of rock, paper, scissors I say we go toooooooooo……... .let's see now..….. We see Little Red Riding Hood or as everyone calls her Red walking down the pathway to Ever After High with Huntsman 

The two had made their way to Book End, the lively village that preceded Ever after high, as they strolled through the cobbled street, the sound of thumping hip-hop beats filled the air drawing their attention to a dance-off where a group of B-boys flipped, spun and popped to the rhythm as a crowd looked on in awe. Nearby, the flashing lights and chimes of an arcade competed with the music as kids huddled around the machines, elbows flying as they battled each other for the next turn of knight fighters.Shop windows brimmed with enchanted quills and notebooks as students ruched about, arms full of last minute school supplies. Just down the street a line of freshly styled girls emerged from the village beauty salons, each pausing to admire their magical new hairdos in hand mirrors, exchanging giggles with one another 

“ Thanks again Hunts for helping me carry my stuff,” 

“ No probs, it’s all in a day's work for your friendly neighborhood Huntsman.” He said holding Red’s bag

“Oh spare me with the self righteous hero act, uhhh! I feel like someone drove me over with a carriage, I barely had any sleep last night.” 

“ Well it's your own fault for staying up all night.” 

“I did plan on spending my summer watching movies but it seems that my mother had other plans, she insisted that I help her and grandma in the bakery, so instead stuffing my face with some much sugary sweets and junk food that would make Hansel and Gretel jealous, only thing my face was covered in was flour and sweat, all those movies I rented out over the summer were just collecting dust, I tried watching them all last night hence these.” She said pointing to the bags under her eyes 

 “ But at least I managed to steal some sweets from the bakery, so the summer wasn't a complete loss.” 

“ You know Red, I worry about you sometimes, if you keep eating all that food you’ll end up with fat growing on your back.”

“ Oh please! put down the hater-rade, I know it's hard for you to accept that sugar makes you break out like crazy but that's not my fault, plus I don't mind some junk -in- the- trunk if it means I can eat whatever I want.”

“ Too bad all that extra weight couldn’t go to your chest.” he said in a mocking tone

“ Eh! Shut up!” She said, punching his shoulder “ They’re still growing, not everyone has breasts as large and in- charge as Alice’s, how that girl can manage all that is beyond me.”

“ Yeahhhh Jack is one lucky guy.” he chuckled 

“ Is that all guys care about! you’re sick you know that!” 

“ Kidding! Kidding! I’ll drop it, I know how insecure you are about your chest size, butttt about the movies you do realize that you can just rent them over right? That's what I do. If I rent some movies I haven't had the time to watch, I just go to the video store and rent them over again, easy princess peasy.” 

“ Hunts, that's not the point, even if I go to the store and rent them over again, I still wouldn't have time to watch them because HELLOO!! Are you forgetting that this year is Legacy Day, and you know how those demons we call teachers are, they're going to cram assignments and homework down our throats this semester.”  

“Oh man I still can't believe we’re going to sign the Storybook of Legends already! It's going to be totally wicked and I heard the after party is going to be a page ripper.”

“Yeah I guess.” she said enthusiastically 

“ What do you mean, “ I guess.”

“ I don't know…... my story isn't anything to talk about, it doesn't have any dragons, suspense, or adventurous tales of daring do, all I have to do is carry a basket of treats to granny, have Bad Wolf lead me down the wrong path, then Wolf will try to gobble me up and that's when you come in for the save, it’ll take like what? a few hours? one afternoon at best”

“Well yeah but, isn't that a good thing? your story doesn't have any evil step mother that want to poison you, or an evil fairy that puts you under a curse to sleep for an entire century or evil witch who will lock you up in a tower with no communication with the outside world, it's super easy….. well compared to what some people have to go through to get their happily ever after.”

“ I know, I know it's just……… that's it! That's all I have to do in my life, my entire purpose…. it's kinda underwhelming.”

With a dreary look on his face Huntsman turns towards Red and says “Wo Wo Wo, what are you saying? do you…..... do you not want to go through with your destiny?” He whispered the last sentence.” 

“ What?! Are you crazy! I never say that, do you want me to be sent to the asylum and have them scoop out my brain!” 

“ Red, didn't that place close down in the 60s?” 

“ Well when you talk like that they might reconsider opening it back! don't get it twisted Huntsman I'm perfectly fine with being the next Little Red Riding, I'm well aware of how lucky Iam to have a simple story and I may have some problems with how my life is lined out for me, but that doesn't mean I want to rewrite my story, let's make that VERY! clear.” 

“ Well you better not, because we all know what happens to those who stray away from the path of destiny….. your story will cease to exist and your mere existence as you know it will be no more! it's a real thing and it's gotta hurt.” 

“ Aha, yeah…….. I know.” She nervously chuckled 

Oh my fairy Godmother!! She isn't seriously considering going off book right!!!! Cause if so- 

Ahem…Ahem you're interrupting the story 

“ Oh sorry….. go on.” 

“ Thank you, plus you don't have to worry about Red not signing the Storybook of Legends, she stays true to her story ……… wellllllll, she does go off book but not in the way you think she would 

“ Thank the Fairy God- wait she does what now!

“ So where was I! Oh right!” 

As Red and Huntsman made their way towards the front gates of Ever after High, the school as a cluster of goblins huddled in the cobblestone path, with clothes stitched from mismatched scraps holding tin cups, shaking them for attention, since last semester there’s been an infestation of hobgoblins swamping around the school, begging passersby for food, 

“ Hello miss, may you spare a crumb for a starving goblin!” one croaked, his voice raspy yet oddly theatrical.

Another one smaller and grubbier “ Can you spare a single chip m’lady just one!” he said as he threw himself at the feet of a girl eating spicy dragon flake flavored chips 

“ Ew! Gross!!” the girl hollered 

Most passersby stepped carefully around them, some amused, others annoyed while a few tossed crumbs or half eaten snacks, as the goblins dove on every offering and then resumed their pleads, 

“ Oh my god they still haven't gotten rid of those things yet.” Red said as she hurried towards the door

“ Godmother, this school really has gone down hill.” Hunts replied holding the door as she hurried behind him

As she hurried into the school building, looking around her, she was instantly swept up in the whirlwind of magic and glitter that only Ever after high could bring, crystal chandeliers dangled from the rafters like frozen fairy lights and enchanted mirrors lined the walls as giggling and whispering rumors can be overheard throughout the halls.

Just then Red sensed an ominous presence behind her, in one swift motion she spun around and seized the figure by the wrist, her grip firm and unflinching.

“ Ouch! Bloody hell, meh arm! you breakin’ may arm!” 

“ Oh my gosh Robin!” Red yelled and immediately let go “ I'm so sorry,” 

Robin clutched his wrist “Seriously, Red?! Ah just wanted tah say hi!” 

“You can't just sneak up on people like that!” Red scolded “Are you ok? Does it hurt?” 

“ Does it hurt?” He said, raising his voice to sound more feminine. “Yeah it bloody hurts! you knorr’ for a girl ya incredibly strong ” he said, wincing in pain. 

Hunts walked by casually sipping into the conversation “ Either that or you're just incredibly weak.” 

“ Godmother! Ah need painkillers! ya sure ya’ not a man.” 

“ Excuse me!” Red replayed offended 

Huntsman leaned in, grinning “ Well, are you?” 

“ You knowwwww.” Red eyes narrowed 

“ That would explain why you eat like a grown man” Hunts added 

At that moment John Little, Robin's right hand man, chimed in“ For Godmother's sake Rob, wat did yah do this time?" 

“ Wat I did!?" Robin squeaked, flailing his injured hand. “Hercules over here, crushed meh hand.”

“Oh my fairy Godmother!” Red groaned “ I said I'm sorry! I don't mean to break your

delicate twiggy little wrist.” 

Will popped in, and squinting at Rob's wrist“ Ow! Man, I think it's swollen, it's puffier than a puff pastry”

Much ran over, eyes wide in wonder “ WOAH! Look at the bloody size ov’ it!” 

“OW! Hands off’!” Robin yelled as Much grabbed his hand 

“ Sorry! Sorry!” Much said with his head hanging down low in shame “ But seriously, it looks like- ah friggin balloon! look at it!.” 

POKE.

Robin glared. “ MUCH! Ah swear to the Godmother.” 

“ Sorry…” Much mumbled sheepishly, already backing away

Just then, John returned from the vending machine and casually placed an ice cold soda on Robin's swollen wrist.

Robin relieved “ Thank the Fairy Godmother…mate, you-ah life saver, if you were ah girl I’d kiss ya right now.” 

John raised an eyebrow “Ow. Creepy but… ah appreciate the sentiment?.....ah guess?” 

Robin dramatically points at Red “ Yah better pray tat you have good health insurance.” 

Red folded her arms. “ Oh my Grim, I apologized! What else do you want me to be? Do you want me to kiss it better?

Robin paused 

They all stared 

“ …..Ah mean…. if ya offering” He smirked 

“...........................................” 

This auburn hair punk rock wannabe is Robin Hood, Red’s kinda, maybe, it's way too complicated to explain right now cousin, named after his story is a self proclaimed anti-conformist, anti- establishment, anti-mainstream, anti-consumer, anti-capitalist, anti- status quo, anti-this that and the third, free thinker who has a total disdain for all authority and distrust of the establishment he thinks that the government is a waste of taxpayers money and that it only benefits the elite rich royals and if he possibly could, would burn it all down to the ground. Robin sees his destiny of stealing from the rich and giving to the poor as his way of sticking it to the man and fighting the evils of capitalism, while pissing off as much overpriverage, posh, hoity-toity, elitist royals snobs as possible which he sees as a win-win in his book.

Then there's his merry men or rather merry boys in this instance, first we have John Little, Robin's right hand man, towering at a colossal 6’4, his height alone could clear a tavern, but behind his giant frame, beats the heart of a gentle soul, someone who looks for the good in every stranger, but make no mistake push him too far or else this gentle giant will turn into a storm when it comes to protecting those he cares about. Then they’s Will Scarlet, the only thing darker than his shadow is his don't care attitude, he's the moody goth of the group, a misfit wrapped in sarcasm and black eyeliner, the kind of guy who speaks his mind whether you want to hear it or not, but beneath all the dreariness lies a heart that cares far more than he’ll ever like to admit. And finally, Much Miller the youngest of the group, the baby of the gang, full of restless spunk and unshakable loyalty, especially to Robin who’s more than just a leader, but the big brother he never had and Much would do anything to prove that no one and I mean no one should mess with their merry band. Like most students from Great Britannia Alice, Guinevere, Marion, Arthur and his knights has accents,which can take so getting use too, Will Scarlet, Speak with a slight France accent probably due his upbringing in France, of being tutored in French and English.

 “ Eh! gross get off!” Hunts said kicking away a goblin that had managed to grab a hold of pant leg and was nibbling away at it.

“ Can you believe that these things are still here, you would think with the long vacation we had they would've gotten rid of them by now.” 

“ Yeah you’d think so, but apparently the budget was tight, so no funds f’or pest control.” Robin said as he flickered one off his boot “Buttttt plenty for a $10,000 renovation to the Royal commons room….. Again!” 

“Again!! “ Red, Hunts and the others said shouted in unison 

“ Yup Again!” Robin grinned 

“ You’ve gotta be kidding me.” Red groaned shaking her head

Red doubted Robin's story was even true, he did have a history of fabricating stories to fit his own narrative, his idea of truth was more of a loose suggestion, but then again…..there was a part of her that wouldn't be surprised if it really was the case, this was the same Royal student council who last semester petitioned a luxury wellness retreat at a five-star private resort only for council members all because her royal excellency Snow White got an B- on her Management exam, which in her own words left an irreparable stain on her pristine academic record which caused her mental anguish, all the while the school’s showers were off the fritz for weeks

“ Well ah guess when ya lucky enough to win the destiny jackpot it just gives yuh full authority to be as vain and self centered as humanity possible.” John said rolling his eyes 

“When ya born wit-ah net worth higher than the population of a small country, you don't have to give ah rat's tail bout anything or anyone else, why care bout the plight ov’ the common folk when, GASP! Heavens to Betsy! The Royals have to deal with a mild inconvenience!” Robin said 

“ Meanwhile us lowly peasants ha’ to settle for the bare minimum.” Much added 

“ In r sorry excuse for ah commons room we’ve got an old black and white tv with five channels- two ov’ which are just static, a mini fridge tat barely clinging to life with duct tape, a barely functioning microwave, a single foosball table with a wobbly leg and a paddle ball! ONE. Paddel. Ball. but the RICHES! get to have ah snack bar with a soft service machine, soda dispenser and vending machine, pool table, tv with working cable, air hockey, and oh yeah - newly constructed indoor jacuzzi!” Robin bragged 

“ An indoor jacuzzi?! no way!” Hunts blinked “ First of all, what in the kingdom would high schoolers need a jacuzzi for?!” Hunts ask, jaw to the floor “And second how do you even know if any of this is really true?” 

“ Oh my dear sweet Huntsman,” Robin smirked, “Ah know people.” 

“ No offense Rob, but you are the least trustworthy person that I know, there is no way in hell anyone in the student council would tell you confidential information.” Hunt rebutted 

Robin dramatically clutched his chest. “Huntsman, tat offends me greatly. I am a man of impeccable character and connections.” 

Red raised an eyebrow “ Robin, last semester you said the Vice president Giles was secretly a retired rockstar who faked his death to live a quiet life.”

“ And yet you still can't prove I'm wrong.” he said with a smirk

Hunts just stared at him. “ So you're telling me that a group of teenagers…built a jacuzzi with school funds …….and no one stopped them?”

Will Scarlet chimed in “ And who’s gonna stop them? Headmaster Grim? the man is basically the royal's biggest cheerleader.” 

“ Yeah, " Robin added, Last year when ah went to complain bout the flickering lights in meh dorm, there was a laminate sign taped to the door tat said “ NO COMMONERS ALLOWED, so not feng shui.” 

“ It seems they’ve officially lost it.” Will declared

Hunts scoffed“ Oh please! they never had it to begin with, those royals are born with golden spoons in their mouths and a sense of entitlement, that's their entire personality!”

Just then, a scroll fluttered from the sky and slapped Red square in the forehead.

“ Ow! What in the Kingdom?!” she yelped catching it and unrolling it, she read

“ Dear Red Riding Hood,

Due to recent roommate conflicts, housing arrangements have been changed. You will now be sharing a room with Evelyn Queen. Your new dorm room is number #79

Thank you for your understanding. -Headmaster Grim” 

Red stood in place, eyes wide with horror, No!No!No!No!No!No!this can't be happening, this has to be some sick joke, I must be hallucinating or I'm dreaming.Yes! That has to be it! I'm dreaming, I'm going to wake up any second now ……….. come on!...............wake up! Why wasn't I waking up! ……..WAKE UP!!! This can't be real! Please fairy Godmother! Please tell me this isn't real! Please! 

Robin snatched the scroll from her hand, and skimmed it through 

“ HA! HAHAHAHA! You- you- YOU’RE ROOMING WITH EVELYN?! The future evil future Evil Queen! Wat did you do Red, break seven mirrors! HAHAHHA!!!!! EW!”

Another scroll flew straight into Robin's face, with a papery smack!  

“ Ah! that's meh face!” he yelled flailing 

More scrolls materialized in front of other students midair 

John unrolled his“ Oh cool, it looks like me and you are roomies tis years Hunts” 

Hunts sighed in relief “ Thank Grim, I don't think I’ll be able to take another semester with Piper and his 3 am flute solos.” 

Will read his still with dread “ Oh great, guess who's rooming with Piper now? Goodie. I hope he doesn't bring rats in the place ” Will said sarcastically 

Red groaned, “ I'm sharing a room with the most evil being in the entire kingdom, oh my fairy Godmother can we please reset the semester?” 

Robin, still trying to peel his scroll off his face mumbles, “ Only if ah could room with some who dot’ label their things “ Do not touch: Royal Yogurt property of Arthur Pendragon,Seriously? as if writing yuh name on stuff is gonna stop meh from taking whatever after I want.” 

As Robin unrolled his scroll, he groaned so loud, it echoed off the school walls

“ You’ve gotta be kidding me! BAD WOLF! Fairy Godmother jus smite me now!” 

John gave him a sympathetic pat on the back “ Hey look on the bright side……..at least yuh won't be poisoned in yuh sleep…..tat something to be happy bout.” 

Robin spins towards him, eyes wide. “ As if tat’s any better! I'm rooming with that….tat beast! Ah saw the guy ate ah entire gyro rotisserie at the spring fair,” Robin stared him dead in the eyes “ STRAIGHT. DOWN.THE.BONE.” 

Much wandered over mid-snort. “Wait, ya rooming wit Bad wolf?!” 

“ YES!” Robin cried, flailing his scroll in the air “ Tat walking stomach in ah trench coat!” 

Much nodded solemnly. “ Yah gonna die, bro.” 

Robin let out a dramatic sigh “ Tell meh story. Make it sound noble, and maybe add ah sword.” 

Will smirked, “ Both Hoods rooming with future villains, yikes! 

“ Oh shut up Will!,” Robin snapped. “ At least ah not rooming with someone tat wears chainmail like pajamas.” 

Will crossed his arms “ It's called being prepared Robin, as future heroes we must be prepared for any incident to occur at any point in time, even at night, because unlike you I actually take my story seriously.” 

“ And unlike you ah don't dress like some homeless, goth loser.” 

“ Oh really? you really wanna go there?” Will scoffed. “ You're the last person who should judge anyone on how they dress, you look like-ah washed up, wannabe Hex-el Rose ” 

“ Don't be jealous Will, plus ah don't think ah can take fashion advice from ah guy who looks like he sneaks into his mum's makeup bag, the power of punk rock will always be more superior to any of tat gothic, mopey, rubbish.”  

“ Power of punk rock? Really? What you're going to come at me with, plaid, teen angst, and horrible taste in literally everything!” 

“ Yuh mum has terrible taste in everything!” Robin yelled 

“ That doesn't make sense?! What does that even mean?” Will said genuinely confused 

“ Come on guys, let's not do thi-” John was cut off 

“ Piss off!” Robin and Will said in unison 

As Will and Robin continue their verbal assault on one another, Red turns to walk away in silent doom- but Hunts notices and gently grabs her hand.

“ Hey,” he said, giving her a soft sympathetic look. “ Don't listen to them, okay? So what if you're stuck with Evelyn, she can't be……. that bad…right?” he said as he winced 

“ I mean…..sure she did dump a bucket of - what I hope to the fairy Godmother was slime on a girl last semester for wearing the same skirt on picture day….” 

Red blinked.

“ And yeah, she may have poisoned the cafeteria food when they served her paella instead of risotto that sent half the school into gastrointestinal exile…..”

Red slowly raised an eyebrow 👁️ 

“ And okay…..she might have unleached a horde of dragons that destroyed the entire west wing of the school causing thousands in damages..” 

He then hesitated.

“ Wow…. Huh?…..I really thought I had a point there.” 

Red just stared at him.

“ Yeah. No. You didn't,” she looked at him deadpanned.

Hunts gave a sheepish shrug. “ Look, the important thing is……maybe she's mellowed out? Like you know, all the evil came out of her last semester.” 

Red looked him dead straight into his eyes

“ Really? You….you really believe that?” 

“ Welllllll. No. Oh Come on! Cut me some slack, I'm trying to be a good friend here!” 

“ Well……...” Red signed “ I guess there's only one thing left for me to do now........... I'm going to kill myself!” 

“ RED?!” 

“ Kidding, Kidding.” she chuckled “If only I was that friggin brave.” she muttered under her breathe 

Meanwhile, Robin and Will were still arguing 

“ Well I’d rather room with ah troll tan share space wit Captain overachiever over ere! Don't think ah forgot about ya “ borrowing” my favorite hair brush and leaving it wit ya over gelled hair all over it!” Rob howlered 

“ Look who's talking! How's about you pay me back the ten dollars I lent you 6 months ago, you lazy bum!”

“ Quit flipping out over petty crap! ya cheap witch!” 

“ Calling me a witch doesn't make you less of a witch! You witch!” 

“ Ugh! I'm so tired I can literally hear my pillow calling my name.” Red groaned, dragging her feet towards the dorm hall. “ I'm going to my room before I collapse in the hallway.” 

“ Wait- hold up, let me walk with you,” Hunts said concern

“ Wait, let me go with you.” Hunts said with concern on his face

Red waved him off, stretching out her hand “ It's fine, I'm a big girl, it's time for me to face destiny…..and my potential doom, can I have my bag please?” 

Hunts hesitates, clutching the bag “ Red, you don't have to do this, you can file a complaint with Headmaster Grim.” 

Red raised an eyebrow “ You seriously think he’d care? The man assigned me to share a room with Evelyn.” 

“ Okay, true,” Hunts admitted “ But Vice Principal Giles might help, he actually likes commoners.” 

Red shook her head, too tired to argue. “ Even if Giles wanted to help, it's Milton who calls all the shots and we both know he treats the royals like they're made of gold and the rest of us like we're background characters. I'm exhausted and I just want to get some Z’s, okay?” 

He signed and finally handed her the bag “ Alright, but let me at least walk you there…. Y’know, moral support….. or as a possible shield.” 

Red smiled faintly “ No need, I don't want to bother you, and besides you still have to pack too.” 

She turned to go, but stopped, he stopped her again 

“ Just remember,” he said with a grin “ If that witch pulls any evil curse or hex on you … you can always count on your friendly neighborhood Huntsman to take her down.” 

She turned back and looked at him, her best friend since elementary school, the one who defended her from bullies that would try to steal her hood and show up at her door with snacks when life went sideways.

“ Hey….” she said softly, “ Gimme some skin.” 

He grinned and the two laughed into their overly complex secret best friend handshake with a blur of slaps, fist bumps, elbow bumps, snaps and a final finger, it was utterly ridiculous but it was they, and it made the idea of facing Evelyn Queen just a little less terrifying.

Red stood outside her new dorm room, with one suitcases in each hand, staring at the door, dreading what laid beyond the door, like entering the lair of a dragon nest….. but this dragon wore high heels, a face full of contour and relishes in the suffering of others. She took a deep breath, straightened her hood and knocked.

No answer.

She knocked again, and still nothing

“Ok?” She knocked even harder this time.

"Finally!" a voice erupted from inside, dripping with rage and entitlement, “ I swear to the flipping Fairy Godmother, that better be you useless fairies with my luggage! And it better include the enchanted lip plumper this time!” 

Red flinched “ Um… Im ... .um... ..your new roommate Red?…..um Red Hood I mean.”

There was a dramatic pause, followed by the least enthusiastic response ever “ Ohhhhh . You. Well, come in then. Don’t just loiter in the hallway like ... .like some kinda… stander.” 

Red stepped inside cautiously, inside the room was like a villain spa resort, with half the space decked out in black velvet drapes, gothic lace everywhere and enchanted candles that flickered ominously. There was a full length mirror with glowing runes, a wardrobe that probably whispered curses at night and a wall entirely dedicated to framed pictures of Evelyn posing in different dramatic glares like she was on the cover of Wicked Vogue.

Evelyn sat cross-legged on a velvet vanity chair, levitating a bottle of nail polish, while wearing a jade face mask and a towel turban. She looked up and gave the fakest gasp Red had ever heard.

“Ohhh. You’re the new roommate.” 

Red said, forcing a smile. “ Yup. That's me, the winner of roommate roulette.” 

Evelyn rolled her eyes so hard they almost levitated too. 

“ Well let's get straight to business, you stay on your side of the room and I won't turn your hair into a bed of screaming snakes. Deal?

Red blinked. “ ……Um ok.” 

Evelyn gestured towards Red’s sad tiny corner of the room, a sad cot next to a wardrobe that smelled of fairyballs and broken dreams.

This is her idea of a welcome, she thought 

“ Oh sweetie,” Evelyn added, dead serious. “ This is the nice version of me, you should've seen what I did to my previous roommate when she tried to decorate with polka dots. Polka. Dots.”

Red tried to say something, but her brain was buffering “ I…….I….dont-” can she read my mind! 

“ Yes Red,” Evelyn said, still painting her nails, “ I can hear your thoughts., You’re not safe from me! Not even in your mind!”

Red almost dropped her bag in terror before Evelyn suddenly burst out laughing 

“ Oh my Fairy Godmother! Red! RELAX! I'm just messing with you, HAHa! Only level 5 witches and supreme wizards have the power to invade people’s minds. Haaa! You should’ve seen your face, so full of fear.” 

“ ……Hilarious,” Red muttered 

Red glanced at her corner again, she sighed 

“ Well…” she muttered. “ I’ll just….exist quietly over here.” 

“ Good.” Evelyn snapped her fingers. A raven flew in through the window carrying a silk eye mask and steaming mug. “ Because I have a nightly ritual which involves scented candles, incantations and a full body soak in the blood of pure virgins,” She stared directly at Red “.... Speaking of virgins.” 

Red yanked her hood tighter around herself like it was armor, “ l-I don't think that's an appropriate-” 

“ Kidding! Can you imagine!” Evelyn gagged. “ Ugh! Virgin blood? that's soooo 16th century, everyone knows unicorn blood is the real beauty secret.” 

She trailed off dreamily. “ Thick, silvery and high in collagen..” 

Red blinked in silent horror 

Evelyn snapped back to the present. “Anywayyyysss, looking this good takes work, Something you clearly wouldn’t understand.” 

She eyed Red’s outfit with a mixture of pity and disgust “ Let me guess? You just grabbed whatever was in your closet, didn't you?” 

Red’s face turned bright red. She had just thrown on the first clean outfit in her closet. But still! The audacity! 

Red flopped herself on the bed and stared at the ceiling, praying to fall asleep fast enough to avoid any further judgment.

Just then a group of overworked cleaning fairies flew in through the window, carrying what looks like five designer bags, six luxury suitcases and a box labeled “ Essential glam emergency kit.” It's about time!.” Evelyn said as she slammed her mug down.

“ That'll be an extra $20 for delivery.” One fairy huffed.

Evelyn smiled sweetly “ Oh! of course! Put it on my tab, Odile Ruthbart. Kisses.” She blew them a kiss, as they flew away 

As Evelyn rummaged through the bag, she held out two dresses, one black and skintight, so sleek it looked like it had been poured onto a mannequin, the other a dangerous red with a slit so high that it needed a parental advisory warning that glittered subtly under the light.

“ Okay, Red, which one says “ Hi boys, Look at me! I want all your money and undivided attention! and possibly your souls” 

She sat up from her bed, eyes darting between Femme Fatale Black and dangerously single red“ Um…..uh… maybe the red one?” Red stammered 

“ Perfect,” Evelyn said and immediately tossed it aside “ Black dress it is.” 

Red looked like she had just been slapped in the face 

“ …Wait- what!?”

“ Too late, you chose. But Red, I want you to know that your opinion matters. Kinda. Maybe.” She winked menacingly 

Red sighed, wait a minute, was she going to a party or something? Was it safe to ask? She should ask…. What's the worst that can happen? …… Well pure and utter humiliation…..Come on Red, you got this! 

“ E-Evelyn….. um ... .are you going out somewhere.” 

Evelyn blinked “ Oh. You’re just bursting with questions, aren't you? Yes, I'm going to Beauty's book-to-school party tonight.” 

“ Oh I don't know, Beauty was having a party?” Red frowned

“ Of course you didn’t. It's a Royal thing.” Evelyn’s tone dripped with enough sarcasm to corrode metal. “They were only going to invite royals, but that know-it-all sister of hers started spouting some nonsense about inclusion and fairness and blah blah blah- so now it's open to everyone. Even….. commoners.” 

She said the word like it tasted bad, ……wait, wasn't Bad Wolf, her ex an commoner?

“ Usually, villains aren't allowed to these kinds of things, but if they insist on inviting literally everyone, then I intend on making a grande entrance!” 

Just then a horn honked from outside 

“ That's my ride. I'm off to pick up new earrings, with Daddy’s money of course.” She said as she held a credit card “ Later!” And with a snap of her fingers she vanished out the

door.

Red fell back down on her bed and stared at the now silent room, blinking 

“ F@ck my life.” 

Chapter Text

“ Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe, catch a fairy by the wings, when they ready they will sing, Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe!” he dramatically points at the bed like it had just won a game show, then threw himself onto it, sinking into the softness like he was testing a cloud.

“ Oh Right!” He gasped, springing up. “ I have to pack my stuff!”

In an instant, he leaped off the bed, graded his duffle bag, and made a splint for the nearest wardrobe. He unzipped the bag, yanked open the drawers and dumped everything in socks, shirts, jeans, possibly a granola bar wrapper, he didn't care, and tossed the now empty bag to the slide.

“ All Done’” he declared, dusting his hands clean, “ That was wayyyy easier than I thought it would be.” 

Collapsing back into the bed, he stared up at the ceiling, I should probably go see her ……right? His brows knitted “ What if Evelyn turned her into a toad because Red looked at her funny? Or…or teleported her to a dessert wasteland…and replaces her with an evil doppelganger?! He sat up halfway, then froze “ Wait is Evelyn even capable of that…actually scratch that she's capable of anything, that girl was a walking and talking time bom, one wrong word and BOOM instant villainous rampage 

He exhaled slowly “ Nah.…Red’s probably fine. If something happened, the entire school would have known by now, Evelyn always left a path of destruction everywhere she went, like a tornado….in stilettos …. still I just have to hope that Red just laid low, kept her mouth shut and didn't do anything to tick Evelyn off and hopefully,” he muttered “She’s was still in one piece.

Honesty, who can blame him for worrying, Red was sharing a room with the future queen of darkness and despair, bringer of evil and misery! And the girl who would eventually go on to poison our beloved princess Snow White! And if that's not a roommate- from- hell then nothing is.

“ Hi! Don't you think you're hamming it up a little bit? And the royal aren't this perfect, holier than thou, 

“ Hey! It's my turn, you had your moment!” Now sit down relax, I'll handle everything 

“ Ugh! Whatever.” 

“You know what?” I'm just going to check on her to see if she's ok - five minutes, in and out and if that witch tries anything……” Hunts smirked, grabbing his double-sided axe “...she'll just say hello to my little friend!” 

“Grrrrrrr!!!” Hunts stomach growls, like a bear that just got denied a picnic basket “ Rightttttt after I get something to eat! Let's hope the castle-teria’s still open!” he leapt off the bed and sprinted for the hallway

On his way, the halls were buzzing with students, hugging, gossiping and Hunts? He was just trying not to think about how he made the mistake of skipping lunch.

I knew I should've eaten before I left home! But noooo…. instead it was, “ Cut the wood! Who do you think you are! leaving my house with dirty dashes! Do your brother and sister's laundry, You're the oldest, you should know they can't wash their clothes on their own! Andrew!! Come get your son! He thinks he can talk back to me! in my own house!” 

Ugh! I could never get a break!

As much as Hunts loved his family, they were….a lot, especially his Mother. His dad might’ve been the breadwinner, but his mother? She might as well own the entire bakery, what she says goes, if she said “ jump” you just ask “ how high” and when mom wasn't yelling his name, his younger siblings, Gunther and Sissy were, “ Hunts, where's the remote?,” “Hunts, can you help me with my homework?” “Hunts! Gunther hit me!” “ She’s lying, she's just saying that because it's my turn on the tv!” And his Dad? Bless his soul, after cutting down trees all day barely had energy to blink, which meant when he wasn't home Hunts became the unpaid babysitter, handyman, lumberjack.

“ Harpooooo!, Grouchoooo!, Chicoooooo!” 

He stopped dead in his tracks, that voice, he knew that voice. Soft, Sweet. Like sugar sprinkled on ice cream and just as likely to cause cavities, there was no doubt about it it was no other than….

“ Well, well, well…” Hunts smirked, leaning on his axe. “It seems that Little Bow Peep still can't manage to find her sheep.”

The girl jumped so hard she nearly dropped her shepherd’s staff, spinning around with wide eyes

“ Huntsman! Oh my gosh!” she gasped

Little Bow Peep or Bow, was the human embodiment of the colour pink, if you looked up the word “ pink” in the dictionary, there’d be a photo of her right next to it, curly cotton candy pink hair? Check, high rise jeans adorned with pink bows? Check, Pink V- neck sweater also covered in bows…. Double check and of course her signature Shepherd's staff that oddly enough also had a bow on it that she carried around like a fashion accessory and a weapon. Hunts knew Bow because they were classmates and because she worked with Goldie Locks on the school paper, but he mostly knew her because she was constantly losing her sheep and him being the model huntsman always helped find them, it had become such a routine that they’d actually become good friends.

“ You scared me half to death!” Bow laughed and stepped in for a hug. “ How have you been?” 

Before Hunts could answer, she pulled back, gave him a once-over and her jaw dropped “ Whoa! You're ripped! Well, you were always muscular, but holy moly! Were you lifting trees all summer?” She poked at his biceps like she was checking if they were real.

“ Um Bow.” Hunts said 

She froze mid poke realizing she was still holding his arm, her hands flew back and her cheeks went the exact same shade as her sweater 

“ I….I wasn't-” Bow stammered 

Careful Bow,” Hunts smirked.” Keep that up and I’ll have to start charging admission to check out these bad boys.” he said flexing 

She rolled her eyes, laughing “ Ha! Don't get full of yourself Huntsman, I was….taken aback that's all.Relax.” 

“Uh- huh,” Hunts said, still grinning “ Sure. That's what all the groupies say,” 

“ Oh, please!” Bow leaned on her shepherd's staff, still grinning “ Sooooo,” she said, “ Let's just cut to the obligatory question where we ask each other what we did over the summer, yada, yada, yada,” she said waving her hand in the air “Besides from, you know……tormenting poor, innocent shepherd girls.” 

Huntsman sighs “ Oh, you know, just living the friggin 'dream, and by dream I mean waking up 3 am every morning because Dad thought, Hey! While everyone else is fast asleep in dreamland, let's go on a hunting trip!” He said sarcastically. “ Doesn't that sound like a good father-son bonding experience, that you’ll tell your kids about the summer grandpa woke you up at 3 in the morning to go hunting for Fairy Godmother knows what!” 

Bow winced, “ Ouch.” 

“ Between that and my Mother bitching in my ears all summer, let's just say my summer wasn't exactly…” 

“ Magical?” Bow offered 

“ More like a migraine.” Hunts said frustrated 

Bow snorted “ Well, if it makes you feel better, my summer wasn't exactly a magical fairytale either.” 

She put a hand on her forehead “ Everyday from Sunrise to sunset. Herd the sheep, feed the chickens, milk the cows, milk the goats, hoe the fie-” 

“ Haaa! You said hoe!” He grinning like a 10 year old 

“ Ugh, you're so immature! ” She shook her head, but they both cracked up “So yeah, no whirlwind romance or tanning on the beach for me, just blisters and sunburn.” 

“ Hunts grinned “ Wow. Our summers sound like a competition for "Who had it worse.”

Bow smirked back “ Oh, I’m totally winning this one, I don't know if you know this Hunts but sheep spit.” 

Hunts raised an eyebrow “ You know ... .I've faced deers, bears, wild boars, wolves and all sorts of animals and you're seriously telling me sheep are worse?” 

“ Ok, Ok I hear ya, but have you ever had a sheep split in your face………….…mid-sentence………...with your mouth wide open” She said in disguise 

“ Ewww! Grodie!” He cringed

“ ……..…Yeah ... ..so don't talk……...had to brush my mouth, like 50 times that -.”

A loud BAAAAHHHH echoed from somewhere behind them. They both froze, Bow whirled around, eyes narrowing, and sure enough one of her fluffballs casually trotted out from behind the vending machine chewing on a bag of potato chips

“ Oh. My. Fairy Godmother.” Bow’s jaw dropped “ That little- Hey! Drop that!” 

The sheep looked her dead in the eye and kept chewing

“ Chico!.......or are you Harpo?........whichever one you are, put it down now!” The sheep ignores her and continues eating 

“ Hey! Hey! Look at me when I'm talking to you! Mister! and or Missy!” Bow yelled 

“ Hunts folded his arms “ Wow. You’ve got 'em’ really well-trained, you've gotta give me some tips.” 

“ Oh hush!” Bow huffed, marching over to retrieve the sheep “ This is all your fault for distracting me!” 

“ My fault!?” Hunts pointed at the sheep “ It's not my fault you suck at your job.” 

The sheep gave another BAAAHHH as if in agreement, suspiciously smug sounding 

Hunts grinned “ See!? even he agrees with me!” 

Bow groaned “ Yeah, yeah laugh it up, you're helping me catch em’ right? Hunts?” She said batting her eyelashes 

Hunts slung his awe over his shoulder “ What else is there for a Huntsman to do, I think buying my lunch would be an adequate exchange…don't you think?” 

The sheep still chewing chips, trotted off towards the football field. The sheep darted past the cheer squad knocking over a pyramid formation, pom poms went flying 

“ Sorry! Guys! Herding emergency!” Bow called out, 

“ Okay,” Hunts whispered, crouching low like a commander. “ We need to approach it carefully, move slowly and stay downwind.” 

Bow squinted at him “ First of all “it” has a name and second this isn't one of your hunting trips, we’re not hunting prey, it's a sheep.” 

“ Yeah,” he shot back, “ A sheep that's been a royal pain for the last 10 minutes.” 

The sheep stopped, turned its head and…..and…winked?

Bow gasped “ Oh! no he or she did not just-” 

“ Oh, Hex this!” Hunts growled 

They inched forward, Bow with her staff raised while Hunt's axe gleamed in the sun, the sheep took one step back….. and then without warning it bolted 

“ Now!” Hunts shouted 

They took off sprinting across the football field 

“ HOW IS IT SO DAMN FAST!” Hunts wheezed 

“ I think it's the carbs from the chips!” Bow yelled back

The sheep darted left, Bow lunged for it, missed it, juked back Hunts dove, and fell face first into the grass.

“ Gah!” He spat out dirt and grass “ Oh! Just you wait until I get my hands on you!” 

They chased it through the bleachers, the water cooler table and even the nosebleed, by the time they cornered it against the scoreboard, the sheep had started slowing down and panting, but so were they.

“ Huff!, Huff!, Huff! Ok ... .hah!..it looks like it's finally…hah!...getting tired.” 

The both of them looked at each other and nodded 

Bow held out her hand “ Okay, ……huff! huff! Harpo…Groucho….. huff! huff!.....whoever! lets just all calm down, ok sweetie, nobody’s gonna get hurt ok.” 

The sheep stared at her and slowly stepped towards her, she moved quickly and looped the crook of her staff gently around its neck “ Gotcha! You gave mommy a lot of trouble huh?” She looked at its collar “ Hmmmm ah! Harpo! I knew it was you, you little troublemaker!” 

“ Finally.” Hunts signed wiping sweat from his forehead “ After a workout like that, I don't think I need to go to training tomorrow or the rest of the week if I'm being honest.” 

“ One down,” Bow said, pointing to the far end of the field “ Two more to go.” where two sheep were eating grass

“ Hunts blinked “ F@ck my life” 

Bow and Hunts were chasing two rogue sheep across the football field 

“ Cut them off on the left! Bow shouted sprinting after the fluffballs

“ I am on the left!” Hunts yelled back 

“ My left! you douch nozzle!” Bow shot back 

“ We have the SAME left! you nitwit!” Hunts shouted back

It seems that the sheep were enjoying themselves a little to much, one stopped momentarily to much on some grass while the other just stared at them before taking off again, just when Bow was about to give up and call it a day, a loud clear TOOT!! echoed across the field, both sheep froze in their tracks and darted towards the sound 

Bow blinked “ Wait….what the-” 

Standing at the sidelines casually leaning on the fence, nonchalant their friend Blue, as in Little Boy Blue holding a small shepherd's horn, looking way too smug.

“ Oh you have GOTTA be kidding me! You were here the whole time!” Hunts shouted, stomping towards him

“ Yup.” Blue said, completely unbothered, “ Watching you two stoogoos scurrying around like a chicken without its head was pure comedy gold.” He grinned “ Times like these I really wish I had a camcorder.” 

Bow narrowed her eyes “ Oh! Choke on sand paper! Douch!” 

“ Bring it!” he shot back. “ Well it's your guy's own fault for waking me up from a really good nap, I was having a very important dream……..that involved me, Demi Grimoire and essential oils.” He said as he stretching lazily

Hunts groaned “ Well that’s one image I didn't need before eating.” 

“ Well now that the sheep fiasco is over, let's go get something to eat.” Bow said as she tied the leaches on her troublesome sheep “ After all that running my energy tank is running on fumes.”  

She turned to Hunt, fixing her hair “ Sooooo, what do you want to eat?”

“ Wait….You're buying me lunch?" Hunts blinked 

“ Well, yeah….. you did help me wrangle those sheep.” She said sheepishly “…... .and we made a deal early so I can't go back on my word, I'm many things Huntsman but a promise breaker, Iam not.” 

He smiled. I was half joking earlier, I would've helped her regardless... .But hey, free food is free food!

The trio strutted into the cafeteria, Bow already fishing coins out of her jean pocket, while her sheep were nibbling on her shoes, “ Yes, sweeties, I know you're hungry, mommy will get you guys something to eat ok?” 

“ Well, well, well, since you have cash to spare ... .I'm totally broke,” Blue said “Will you buy me a burger pleaseeeee, I’ll pay you back, promise. Pinky promise .” 

 Bow stopped dead in her tracks and crossed her arms “ Blue, you're this close to getting whacked upside the head with my staff. Don't push it.” 

HEY! That's not fair!” Blue squawked “ Hunts get free food and I can't get one stinking burger!? If it wasn't for me you two would still be running around chasing sheep!” 

“ You know what isn't fair Blue? Life! That's what you get for enjoying the pain of others, and even if I wanted to pay for both of you, I'm on a tight budget soooo, better luck next time buddy.”

Hunts, already halfway to the counter, smirked taking a tray like it was a trophy, Blue rounded his eyes

Robbed his hands together dramatically, Hunts eyed the menu “ Well then I’ll take two triple cheeseburger with bacon, two sodas, 3 orders of fries and-” 

“ Hi! Don't bite off more than you can chew!......... Literally!” Bow slammed her coins on the counter “You’ll take ONE regular burger with one side of fries and ONE soda and I ‘ll have spaghetti and meatballs with three bowls of fresh salad please.” She said as she smiled sweetly at the lunch lady 

The lunch lady sighed “ Fine.” 

“ Um, I hope you don't mind me asking?” Bow said, leaning forward 

“ I already have.” the lunch lady replied 

Bow blinked “ Ok, rude, but I was wondering……are the fruits and veggies in the fresh salad naturally sourced?” 

The lunch lady froze“ Um…Naturally sourced?” 

“ Yes,” Bow pressed on “ As in, they were grown from NATURAL farming practices and don't use any harmful chemicals, incantations or fertilizer-” she gasp “ These won't grown using any fertilizers? were there? Because my sheep are on a very strict all natural diet.” 

From behind Blue snorted “ Bowie, Sweetie, you honestly expect to get any high quality produce from a high school castle-teria?” 

The lunch lady rubbed her temple “If I say yes, will you leave?” 

Bow blinked “ Um… yes.” 

“ Then yes!” The lunch lady said with the fakest pageant smile “All totally natural! No chemicals and handpicked from the orchard by naked virgins

under the light of the shining sun.” 

Bow frowned “ …Are you being sarcastic?” 

“ HAVE. A. NICE. DAY!” the lunch lady said with grated teeth 

While walking to to their usual table trays in hand except for Blue who only had a sour expression on his face, Bow spotted a familiar head brown and green hair that was now a moppy mess Bow froze, Jack sat alone slouched in a chair, armed with nothing but a spoon and a family sized tub of fairy road ice-cream 

“ Oh my gosh! Is that Jack!?” Bow exclaimed, walking towards him, Hunts and Blue follows

“ Jack, Dude, I almost don't recognize you…..um you alright man?” Hunts said as they approached 

He looked up, rubbed his eyes, grinning way too wide “ Hiiiiii! What up!” 

Blue and Hunts exchanged a look, Jack's eyes were red, his spoon bent from aggressively digging and the tub of ice cream was halfway empty. Yep, this was definitely the sign of a guy that was in heartbreak city.

“Jack?” Bow tilted her head “ You okay?” 

“ What? Pssh. Nah, I'm fine!” he shoveled a spoonful of ice-cream into his mouth “ TOTALLY fine, best I've ever been.” 

Blue raised an eyebrow “You sure? because you look like someone stole your cow and magic beans.” 

“ Come on man, something’s definitely wrong…….you ok?.” Hunts said concern

Jack hesitated, his smile cracked, then muttered “ Ally…….Alice and I……..we……we broke up.” 

“ Oh No! Jack, I'm so sorry!” Bow gasped

“ Hex, man. I'm really sorry.” Hunts said sincerely 

“ Oh my Godmother!” Blue leaned in, eyes wide “ Soooo it’ll be totally cool if I ask Alice out rig- EW!!” 

WHACK!! Bow smacked him over the head with her staff 

“ OW!! That hurt!!” Blue yelped 

“ Good!” Bow snapped 

Hunts patted Jack's shoulders “Hey it's going to be ok, break ups can be tough, but you’ll get through this, we got you bro.” 

Blue snorted “ Says the guy that never had a girlfriend.” 

Hunts narrowed his eyes “ And how many girls are lining up to date you exactly?” 

“ Shut up!” Blue muttered 

“ Both of you shut it!.” Bow barked 

“ Hey!” Jack shoved more ice-cream in his mouth “I'm good, okay? Really. It's over., Alice and I are done. Over. Finito. I'm totally over it.” 

Bow sighed and slid into the chair beside him “ Look, we’re not buying this whole ‘ Im totally over it act’ we’re you friends if something is bothering you we’re here for you and I know just what the doctor ordered” she pulled out a crumpled flyer from her jeans pocket and slapped it on the table “Beauty is having a book- to-school party tonight and everyone, and I mean everyone is invited, it just the thing that will get your mind off of…..you know who.” 

“ Wait Beauty's having a party?” Hunts said

I wonder if Red would be- Hunt's shook his head, knowing Red she wasn't really the most outgoing person and wasn't really fond of social events and knowing her she was probably fast asleep right now, I should let her rest.

“ Yep, open invitation, Royal, Commoner, Villain, even Trolls….. probably” Bow nodded

Blue fist pumped “ Well then, I'm definitely in! Can't miss out on a free buffet.” 

Hunts smiled “ We might as well, it would be rude to turn down an invitation, and you know those Royal will have the expensive shit.” 

Jack blinked “ A party….. eh…I'm good…..plus I have training tomorrow and-”

“ No! No!No!” Bow said, slamming her hand on the table “ What we're not going to do is make excuses! Jack, you are going to that party, even if I have to drag you there.” 

“Jack.” Hunts leaned forward “ You can either stay in your room and mope all night and wallow in self pity, or you can come party with us and watch Blue fall face first trying to breakdance. Your call.” 

“ It's true,” Blue said proudly, “You'll regret missing my attempt to do a headspin." Blue added 

Jack sighed then cracked the smallest smile “ Fine…....I guess I'll go, can't pass up the opportunity to watch Blue utterly embarrass himself on the dance floor.”

“ Atta boy!” Hunts cheered as he softly punched his shoulder “ And if Alice show up-’ 

“ What’s this about Alice!” Goldie squeaked 

They all whipped around 

“ Curses.” Hunts whispered 

Goldie Locks, she’s the biggest gossip in the whole school, once she knows something you best believe it's only a matter of time before it hits her gossip column in the school paper.

“ Bow darling,” Goldie chimed sweetly. turning her head with suspicious innocence “I was looking all over for you, did you check the party supplies? The apple slippers need to be at exactly 2 ½ centigrade opposed to Fahrenheit otherwise it'll have this sour taste that's like, totally gross." 

Bow paled “ Oh! Curses! I totally forgot!” 

“ Well then, you better hop to it.” Goldie said sternly “ Since we’re catering for the entire student body, we have to make sure this party is just right.” 

“ On it!” Bow said “ Come on Chico, Harpo, Groucho, let's bounce.” Bow shouted, dragging her sheep out, and she waved “ See you guys later!” 

The second she was gone, Goldie turned back, eyes glittering “ Now, Jackie dear… what's this I heard about you and little Miss Wonderland?”

Hunts couldn't let anyone, especially Goldie Locks find out about Jack and Alice’s break up, they would make the first page of the school's magazine faster than you can say Supercalifragilisticexpialid, he can already see the headline now “ Track and shield star is left heart broken.” 

Panicking, Hunts stammered “ Alice? Who said anything about Alice? I don't even know who that is? Alice? Do you know anything about Alice Blue? 

“ Ye-yeah!” Blue jumped in “ Honestly, now that I think about it, Alice don't even sound like a real na-” 

Goldie ignored them completely, Jack froze halfway through another scoop of ice-cream as Goldie leaned in so close he could practically small the faint small of porridge on her breath

“ Jack,” Goldie purred, “Don't insult me, I've got ears sharper than a Huntsman’s axe, you can tell me? What's wrong? Trouble in paradise?” 

Jack blinked and panicked “ Uh trouble!? Nah I don't have the slightest clue who you're talking about!?” 

“ Sweetheart, you gave her your victory shirt after winning gold in the 400 relay last semester.” 

Goldie snapped, whipping out her little pink notepad “ Don't play coy with me! The melancholy stare, glassy eyes, sloppy shirt, indulging in junk food! Classic signs of a break up.” 

Jack’s spoon trembled, his eyes welling up with water “ I-I no- it's……nothing!” 

“ Oh! This is delicious!” Goldie gasped dramatically “I want all the details! Who broke up with who? Oh my fairy Godmother! Don't tell me! Did you cheat on her!?........ Hmm now that I think about it………..you don't seem like the cheating type……..or….. GASP! Did she cheat!?” 

 “ Ok Goldie, you're out of line now.” Hunts cut in, waving his arms 

Goldie snapped her head “ Relax lumberjack! As a track star his business is my business, correction, everyone’s business.” 

Blue groaned “ Oh come on! Just let the poor guy drown in sorrow in peace.” 

“ Not before I get a picture!” Goldie whipped out her magic powered polaroid camera and FLASH!! Caught Jack mid sob with ice-cream dripping down his chin

Goldie beamed “ Just right! Front page Track star sundae with a side of heartbreak! Now level with me Jack was Alice the dumper ... .or the dumpee?” 

Jack dropped his head on the table with a loud THUNK! 

Hunts shot Blue a look, Blue nodded they both knew they had to act fast 

Hunts clapped his hands “ That's it! Johnny Spell-son, we're leaving NOW!” Hunts yanked Jack up by the arm 

“ Hi?!” Goldie huffed, clutching her notepad “ I'm not done! I still have like seventeen follow up questions!” 

 Blue put on his best fake smile “ Well, we are! Later skater” 

Before Goldie could protest, Hunts dragged Jack out of the cafeteria door still clutching his half melted ice cream, with Blue following behind 

Jack panted “ Thanks, guys……seriously I owe you big time.” 

Hunts clapped him on the back “ No worries bro, sorry we could stop Goldie sooner, knowing that gossipy witch your face will be plastered all over the papers by tomorrow.” 

Blue snapped his fingers “ Oh! Speaking of faces, you better show your face at the party later, you're still coming right?” 

Jack blinked “ Party?” he then remembered “ Oh! Right Beauty’s party right?” 

“ No doy! What other party could I possibly be talking about?” Blue said “ For Fairy Godmother sake, she really did a number on you huh?” 

Jack managed a small smile “ Yeah…..yeah I'll go…might as well right?” 

“ Cool man, this party is gonna be totally wicked.” 

Blue grinned “ Perfect! Now wash off that ice cream off your face and get some rest and get ready to Party!

I'm totally psyched! this party’s gonna be off the page!” 

They all chuckled, exchanged good-byes and headed their separate ways 

Chapter Text

The Red shoe studio’s neon sigh glittered above the crowd, the line stretched halfway down the street packed with chattering students in enchanted shoes, neon colours and glowing accessories 

Hunts squinting at the line “ Great, we’ll get inside by the time we have to graduate.” he tugged on his flannel shirt.

Blue snorted, tugging on his navy denim jacket “ Chill-lax bro, we’re like ….... nearly a half of a quarter of the way there.” 

Hunts turned to Jack “ And what about you…..you couldn't find anything better to wear? We’re going to be surrounded by rich royal elites and your shirt has a stain on it.” 

Jack looked down at his Coogi sweater, “ Hey man! Lay off! this is the best I can do! Considering the mental state I'm in right now, it's a miracle I even got myself out of bed.”Jack huffed “I would've worn my favorite jacket but I couldn't find it…..I probably left it at home.” 

Hunts threw his hand up “ We’ve been out here for nearly two hours! If we don't get inside soon, someone's gonna have to roll me to the dance floor.!”

Blue titled his head “ Where's Bow? she should be here by now?” 

Hunts snapped his fingers “ Don't you remember, she’s helping Little Miss high maintenance with the party stuff.” 

Blue groaned “ Great, so she's warm inside while we're out here freezing.” he sucked his teeth “ Perks of being friends with socialites, I suppose.” 

“By the way Hunts, why didn't you bring your girlfriend? Y’know the damsel from your story.” Blue asked

Hunts groaned “ Ehhh! How many times do I have to tell you guys! Red’s not my girlfriend! Ugh! I swear, I sound like a broken record at this point!” 

“ Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's not my girlfriend guys! We're just friends! Please! As if a girl and a guy can ever be just friends.” Blue said mockingly and raised an eyebrow “ So you're telling me that in all the years you two have been friends nothing happened? Like, no lingering stares, butterflies when your hands touch, near kisses?….. nothing?” 

“NO!” Hunts snap quickly 

Jack raised a brow. “ Oooooh, that was fast, suspiciously fast.” 

Hunts flustered “ NO!....I um.”  

“ See! See! It was quick! So something happened between you two!?” Blue smirked

“Wh-what! No! Absolutely not!” Hunt

Blue mimicking Hunts in a squeaky voice “ Wh-what? Nooo! Absolutely not!” Dude why are you hesitating? Are you hiding something we should know about?” 

“IM NOT HIDING ANYTHING! SHUT UP!” Hunts yelled 

“Woah! Woah! Man, take it easy there bubby!” Blue said grinning from ear to ear “Why are you raising your voice, if there's REALLY nothing between you two I don't understand why you're getting so worked up over nothing.” Blue snickered 

Hunts trying to breathe calmly “ I'm…perfectly calm!” 

Jack cut in with a grin, trying to hold in his laughter “ Hey! Hey! Leave him ight, mmph! if he says there is nothing between him and Red then……hnn! We have to respect that Ha! Ha! Ha!” 

Hunt's deadpan, arms crossed “ Oh so you're a comedian now Jackie? Funny…..I don't remember seeing you crack any jokes when Alice broke your heart in itsy, bitsy pieces.” 

Blue completely lose it, gasping for air, while Hunt's folds his arms smugly 

Blue wheezing “ Ha! Ha! He got you good bro! Ha! Ha! Don't forget about the gallon of ice-cream, it was all over him like cologne!” 

Jack red-faced, stomping his foot like a toddler “ Oh! Give me a break! I'm so done with this Convo. I hate you guys!” 

Blue poured dramatically, blowing him a kiss “ Awwww! We hate you too.”

Finally, after what felt like four lifetimes, the group shuffled their way to the front of the line 

Two massive bouncers stood guard, one chewing gum aggressively, while the other wearing shades at night arms crossed.

“ Sup, man” Blue said casually 

The gum chewer snapped at Hunt “ What’d you just say to me! Empty your pocket now! you holding out on me? Got any potions, powders, pixie dust?” 

Hunts recoiled “ WHAT!? NO! Why would-” 

“ Don't you raise your voice at me!! Boy!” The guy slammed Hunts against the wall 

Meanwhile, the other bouncer turned to Jack and Blue “ Ugly sweater, Buzz cut,. Hand up. Pockets. Now!” 

Blue’s jaw dropped “ Oh HEX NO! Who do you-” 

But shades ignored him and started patting them both down, shades nodded solemnly “ Yeah, these boys are clean, call yourselves lucky.” 

“ Same here,” the gum chewer said, finally letting Hunts go “ These guys check out.” 

 Jack straightened his sweater, fuming “ This is bogus man” fist clenched 

“You could never be too sure these days, you know what I mean?” both bouncers shared a laugh

Hunt, Blue and Jack exchanged murderous glares but they couldn't escalate the situation.

“ Soooo….. can we go in now?” Hunts asked through clenched teeth 

“ Yeah man, you ain't coming in dressed like that.” continues chewing his gum Blue glared “ What do you mean? Wearing what? Clothes!?” 

“ Yeah but it's not formal, you know what I mean?” Shades shrugged 

Hunts blinked “ No, we don't know what you mean?” 

“ Meaning, you need to wear a suit or dress, not a picnic basket.” he gestured to Hunts 

“ It's a shirt!?” Hunts said deadpanned 

The bouncer shrugged again “ Well too bad, hate the player, not the game and not sneakers.” 

Blue threw his hands in the air “ Oh you have gotta be kidding! It's a NIGHT CLUB! We’re not going to have tea with the Queen in Buckingham palace!” 

“ That's it! I'm going to my room!” Jack said about to walk off

“ No! Wait! Jack, come on.” Hunts said reaching out to him 

Jack spun around, exasperated “ Nah I'm done! on top of having my heart broken and being profiled, I'm not exactly having a spell-tacular day!” 

Just then, the crowd suddenly parted, a blinding glow shimmered down the street “ MY EYES!! IT BURNS!!” Someone wailed dramatically, shielding their eyes 

Princess Snow White emerged with another princess, all in lace, corsets and dripping in so much jewelry it could probably pay off all the debt in the Kingdom.

“Oh my! What do we have here?” Snow cooed, her voice so sweet it could give someone cavities if they listened for too long “ Huntsman darling! Are you alright?” 

Hunts froze, the stories weren't lying Snow was radiant, blindingly so, she looked like she’d just stepped out of a Royal magazine wearing a glittering red off- the-shoulder mini dress with glass heels that probably needed a warning label.

Hunts scrambled, his tongue tripping over itself “ Y-Your….um Majesty!..…I-I mean! Your Grace! Highness?! I mean-” 

She held up her perfectly manicured hand, and smiled “ No need for the formalities Huntsman. Just Snow.” 

She then turned to the bouncers, her tone sugar-coated poison“ Now what is all this commotion about?”

Her bestie, Princess Cinder Ella, Cindy as everyone calls her, glided in wearing a pale yellow basque waistline mini-dress, off the shoulder bubble sleeves adorned with pearls “ Oh Heavens!” She gasped, whipping out a lace handkerchief and dabbed it on Hunt's cheeks “ Are you alright?” 

Hunts blinked, frozen “ Uh….. I-I'm ok your High-I mean Cinder.” 

She gave him a dazzling smile “ That's good, wouldn't want you getting frostbite before getting to the dance floor.” 

Then she looked around at the long shivering line “ Why in the Kingdom are all these people waiting in the freezing cold?” Then she hit a whistle note so high it would have impressed Witch-ney Houston, shattering a nearby window, a flock of birds swooped down out of the night sky, each bird dropped scarves into the crowd, even knotting them perfectly around their necks.

Blue sniffled “ Damn, I never thought I would get styled by a bird, guess there's a first time for everything.” 

“ Uh, Miss White! Miss Ella!.......Your Royal Highnesses!” the gum chewing bouncer stammered suddenly sweating “ We were uh….. just taking the necessary precautions..…you know how these things go.” 

Mr. Shades yanked off his glasses “ My sincerest apologies, do-do you….. know these boys?” 

Snow looked him dead in the eyes, she pointed at Hunt “ This fellow is my Huntman, one day he’ll save me from the Evil Queen’s ploy to kill me, he’s an integral part of my story.” 

“He’s like, literally plot- essential.” Cindy added

The bouncers stiffened “ Your Royal Highness, we didn't realize tha-” 

“Of course you didn't,” Snow said, smiling tight. “ You were too busy playing knights with my friends, it would be much appreciated if you stepped aside please and thank you.” 

“ Y-Yes, Your Highness! They fumbled with velvet rope like it was made of gold, practically bowing them inside 

As the group walked past Jack leaned over Hunts whispering with wide eyes “ Dude……we just got VIP-ed!” 

As they stepped inside, the music hit like a spell gone wrong each beat louder than the last crystal chandeliers hung above with their classic glow fought against the lay of colored spotlight hot pink, electric blue and acid green dancing across the marble floor, the walls draped in shimmering metallic streamers and a giant mirrored disco ball spun overhead scattering light throughout the dance fall. 

And a long buffet table, at the center are two fountains of pure excess, one bubbling with rich, silky milk chocolate, the other with molten nacho cheese, guests dip strawberries and marshmallows into the chocolate, while the cheese fountain gets attacked by pretzels, tortilla chips and even cocktail weenies skewered on neon toothpicks, around the fountains plates of cheese cubes stacked into pyramids and bowls of Chips, Popcorn and Cheese puffs, theses a giant punch bowl filled with bright red fruit punch with a pyramid of plastic neon cup nearby with glisten in ice buckets, a mountain of pizza roll, bacon wrapped shrimp, pigs in a blanket and cocktail weenies in toothpicks fight for space with plates of rainbow colors marshmallow, Twinkies and cupcakes, Every few feet there are little bowls of chocolate, and jellybeans

“ Phwooo!” Blue let out a long whistle “ The royals really outdid themselves huh! I mean is that a cheese fountain?!" 

Snow flipped her hair “ Well, duh! this is Sleeping Beauty we’re talking about, she always throws that most wicked parties" 

From across the room a group of girls by the buffet table waved “ Snow!!! Over here!” 

Snow smiled and She waved back “ Well, I've gotta go, duty calls” 

“ Wait!” Hunts blurted out “Um…. thanks for, you know, helping us back there, with those scum bags.”

Snow gave a Princess Perfect smile “ No Problem, you're going to save me in the future, so I guess this makes us even. See ya later!” 

Cindy leaned in, waving “Oh! And you guys can keep the scarves, think of it as a gift from me to you, bye!" She and Snow went off to their friends.

The boys stood there in stunned silence for half a second, then Blue practically exploded 

“ BYE!- Oh my FAIRY GODMOTHER! DUDE!!! We just talked to Snow White! and Cinderella! I'm never washing this scarf!!” Blue gleamed

❄️

Twirling into the room like she owned the place “ Sorry we’re late, Cindy's dress literally turned to rags on the walk over, so we had to find another one.” 

“ My bad guys,” Cindy shrugged. “ I mean, I am Cinderella, it's kinda my brand.” 

“ Whatever, you guys are here now, that's all that matters.” Beauty said, flicking her sunglasses down just enough to look extra dramatic .Unlike most princesses who wore puffy gowns and tiaras, Beauty’s hair was crammed out to the max and wore crop tops, mini skirts and low rise jeans, honestly if you didn't know her you’d think she was about to star in a Mad-donna music video 

“ You look amazing Snow! As always!.” Sugarplum squealed, “ Loving the dress!” Thumbelina gasped “ Vers-archery?” 

“ The one and only! Snow bragged “ Cindy Crawford wore it at Paris fashion week 1986! had to survive on puree for two weeks, but hey, it was totally worth it!” 

“ No way! Majorly Jealous!” Sugarplum squealed 

Beauty leaned in, “ Soooo, I saw someone had a spell-tacular summer! You and Prince Henrik of Ger-fairy in the Bahamas on a romantic trail on the beach, it's all over the tabloids! Do tell!”  

Snow rolled her eyes “ Ugh! Stupid paparazzi! Don't get your corset in a bunch, our Dad's are really good friends, we’re just friends, strictly platonic.” 

“ That's what we're calling it now?” A voice teased behind her

Snow spun around “Goldie!” Goldie strutted in with Marion, her big blonde hair was so teased it could've picked up radio static,wearing a baby-blue tulle multi layer dress with white Mary Janes while Marion bounced behind her in a sweetheart neckline pastel pink ruffle mini dress and black platform heels with red bouncy curls that cascaded to her back.

“ Hey! Girls!” Marion beamed 

Snow squealed and hugged Goldie “ Glad to see I'm not the only one fashionably late!” 

“ Try flying in from Crown-don,” Marion signed. “ I didn't even pack, just threw this on, sprayed some Aqua Net and ran out the door.” Goldie plastered on a smile “ Ohhh, you can totally tell, love that rushed look on you Mary! Very last minute chic!

Marion blinked “ Um-” 

Goldie pointed dramatically at Glinda Goodwitch “ Like, HELLO! Bronze goddess! look at that tan!” 

Glinda tossed her hair, “I was going for a Milk Chocolate complexion like B's, I literally stayed in the sun so long I basically turned into a rotisserie chicken, but ended up with more Autumn Bronze.”

“ Beaches are, like, soooo gag-worthy,” Beauty interrupted. “ It was literally infected with douchy meatheads that smelled of sweat, pizza and greasy desperation, Isabel was so right, a private resort would’ve been better,” Beauty continued “ When Bernardo went to get a chair for me, this one guy smelled of egg salad and tried to hit on me, had to start speaking Spanish so he’d back off.” 

“ Ugh! Guys are like, the worst!” Goldie huffed “ Like this guy at this club in Camelot, right, total hunk! but hid his douche baggery by being hot as HEX! He was a finger pointer and said stuff like ‘ Welcome to the gun show!’And I was like, F@ck off! Pardon the language.” 

Sugarplum snickered, “ So you ditched him? Right?”

Goldie smirked “ Nah! We just made out, I don't want him to think I'm, one of those easy girls.” 

Before anyone could respond, the double door slammed open “ Yo, babe!!” Bernardo shouted, grinning ear to ear 

The girls turned, there he was, Beauty's boyfriend, Bernardo Julián Emiliano de La Rosa, tall, with his dark hair in Jheri curls that bounced with every step, and freshly grown pencil mustache that he was way too proud of, his neon windbreaker was zippered halfway down to show off his chest and his acid-wash were so tight they could cut off circulation.

Bernardo is destined to be the next Don Quixote, well by technicality, the current Don Quixote was a senile old man tilting at windmills somewhere in Spain, with no descendants to carry on the name, the La Rosa’s, a family of minor royals just some happens to be the only living relatives.…which meant Bernardo would now be next in line to pick up the lance. But why would the heiress of the Sleeping Beauty dynasty date a guy like that? Fairy Godmother only knows, but if you asked Beauty, she’d just smile and say she fell for his innocent naïveté and besides with Bernardo around there was never a dull moment.

“Bernardo!!” Beauty groaned, half embarrassed, half smitten “ Do you have to make an entrance everywhere you go?” 

“Babe, when you look this good, like…impossible not to.” He wink at her 

Goldie rolled her eyes “ Ugh, he’s like a puppy isn't he?” 

“Oh my fairy Godmother! Dude! I love dogs!!” Bernardo's eyes lightened up “Babe, we should totally get one!! Like a German shepherd, or a Chihuahua, we could dress it up in cute outfits, it would be totally wicked.” 

The girls howled with laughter, Bernardo wrapped an arm around Beauty’s shoulder “ So what are we talking about, ladies? Ooh Boys? Beaches? Pizza! all my favorite things!” 

Beauty snorted “ Oh nothing! I was just telling them about that creep at the beach.” 

Bernardo’s face turned serious. “ Oh, that guy had him running for the hills when he saw these.” He puffed up his chest, “ Had to give him the ol’ ONE! TWO!THREE!” He said punching the air 

Beauty tapped her chin, pretending to think“ Hmmm, funny I must have missed that part, was it before or after you swung at him and fell in the sand?” 

The whole group burst into laughter, Bernardo's face turned tomato red “ Baaabe!! We pinkie swore never to talk about that part!!” 

“ Oops,” Beauty said sweetly, “ Guess I forgot.” 

Bernardo slumped, potting like a kid who just dropped his ice-cream, Beauty giggled and kissed his cheek “ Aww, don't look so sad Mi Amor, you’ll always be my hero.” 

He groaned “ Babeee! you know I don't speak Italian!”  

The girls stared “ Bernardo dear….... that’s Spanish.” Marion said flatly, “ You’re Spanish.” 

“ Yeah, yeah whatever,” he shrugged, “ Same diff.” 

Beauty shook her head but couldn't stop smiling “ You're such an idiot.” 

“ Yeah,” Bernardo said proudly, “ But I'm your idiot.” They leaned into each other and started kissing, cueing a dramatic group eye-roll

“ Oh my fairy Godmother! Get a room, you two!” Snow groaned "We get it, you're in a happy and stable relationship, it's like, literally triggering.” 

Goldie perked up like she's been waiting for this exact moment, “ Speaking of……. relationship, you guys didn't hear this from me, but it seems that Jack and Alice are totally dunzo.” 

The whole group gasped “ Shut. Up!” Sugarplum squealed “ They were like the power couple of the school!” 

“ Yeah, well not anymore,” Goldie interrupted, flipping her hair. “ I don't know why though, I tried to dig, but before he could spill, the two Idiot Bros dragged him off! So rude!” 

“ Poor Jack,” Cindy said sincerely “ I hope he's doing okay.” 

“ Oh, he’s not,” Goldie smirked. “This afternoon in the castle-eria his face was deep in a tube of ice-cream……it was kinda pathetic honestly.” 

Glenda arched a brow “ For Jack to break down like that? Whatever happened had to be major.” 

Thumbelina tapped her chin “ Do you think….he cheated?” Goldie snorted “ Nah, I was thinking the same thing, but Alice on the other hand….” she leaned in, lowering her voice “ not saying she did, butttt she just has that vibe, you know? Especially with those big air bags on her chest!” 

“ Oh my gosh Goldie!” Snow giggled, hiding behind her hand 

“ Well, I’ve talked to Alice a couple of times,” Marion chimed in gently, “I don't think she would do something like that.” “ I agree.” Cindy said quickly “Alice has always been kind, I don't think it's fair to assum-”

Goldie rolled her eyes “ Oh come on! You guys so native, big boobs, mysterious aura, a dangerous combo, and…….. her and the Mad Hatter are awfully close don't you think? I wouldn't be surprised if -” Before she could finish, Thumbelina slapped her hand over Goldie's mouth “ Goldie No!”

“Ymmfoh! Mffkdh!” Goldie mumbled furiously “ Shhhhhh!” Glenda hissed, nodding toward the corner where Alice was standing by herself 

“ Speak of the devil.” Goldie whispered the second she was free 

Glenda smirked, “Both exes at the same party, oh this is gonna be good.” 

Goldie gasped, slapped her arm“ Glenda! Don't be rude! Alice is going through a very difficult time right now, she must be dying inside, I should go comfort her. I'm gonna go have a little chat with Ally! BRB!” 

“ Goldie come on jus-” Cindy tried to stop her but Goldie was already trotting her way towards Alice.

Meanwhile, Bernardo who had been oddly quiet suddenly tried to speak with his cheeks stuffed full “ Ye-aerhh, irnd , kxidbbd, ksndbd!” 

Beauty’s eyes widened “ Babe! How many times do I have to tell you, chew and swallow first!” 

Bernardo puffed his cheeks, then swallowed with a massive GULP “ Chew,chew,chew! yeah, I know, but I babe listen, I was saying, watch how much pigs in a blanket I could put in my mouth! Seven! wicked cool! Right!”

He immediately started cramming in his mouth again, the girls collective groaned while Beauty buried her face in her hands.

Chapter Text

As the party was making way, the energy in the room dropped ten degrees, like someone opened a fridge, heads turned, whispers spread. “ Oh no…. it's her!” 

Evelyn, the future Evil Queen glided in like she owned the place, her midnight black cocktail dress clung so tight it moved like liquid, dripping with enough diamonds, on her head a black crown studded with onyx. Trailing behind her, her entourage strutting in Bad Wolf, his teeth flashed beneath his hood, the Dark Fairy whose wings glistened with a sinister shimmer and Odile the Black Swan, feathers rippling as she twirled dramatically just for attention, they swooped towards Snow and her friends 

Snow sighed, “ Subtle as ever, aren't we Evelyn?” 

Evelyn smirked, adjusting her diamond choker “ Oh please! When you're me darling, subtlety is a waste of talent.” 

“ I didn't realize villains were also on the guest list.” Snow glanced to Beauty who was now in a corner playing tongue hockey with Bernardo 

“ Villains!?” Evelyn feigned a gasp, pressing her jeweled hand to her chest “ My dear that's such an ugly word, I much prefer agents of Chaos.” 

Odile chuckled “ She's gotta point, you losers do the boring happily ever afters while we make the stories interesting.” 

“ Interesting is…one word for it” Glinda muttered under her breath 

Odile whipped her head around, eyes sharp “ Sorry sweetie, didn't quite catch that?” 

Glinda froze, “ Ummmm, I-I NOTHING! Love the hair!” 

Bad Wolf pointed at a golden brown nugget at Snow “ Hey, you. What's this thing?” 

Snow blinked “ Um.. that's a shrimp wrapped in bacon.” 

Wolf squinted at it “ Cool.” he shoved three into his mouth at once 

Evelyn arched an eyebrow “ Wolfie, you sure you should be eating that? Aren't you like, allergic to shellfish?” 

“ Wait, WHAT?” Snow shrieked “ Oh my gosh! Don't eat that!” 

“ HEY!” He growled, turning into his Wolf form “ I only came to this lame-o party to stuff my face with as much food as possible, Cough! Cough! plus I assume you guys have an EpiPen here, right?” 

“ There should be one in the first aid kit…..I think?” Snow said nervously 

“ So then shut up.” Bad Wolf said flatly, turning back human and swallowing another shrimp 

“ Ok shutting up.” Snow said “ but you should really stop eating those.” 

“ Last one, cough! swear to the Fairy Godmother.” he wheezed 

Evelyn glided up to Snow “ Ooooh, La-la! Is that…Vers-archery? Cindy Crawford, Paris fashion week 1986?” 

“ Uh, um…yeah,” Snow stammered “ My dad got it for me when we went shopping in Paris last mon-” 

Evelyn cut her off “ Ah, I see, the same place you got your lips done. Noted “ 

Snow's smile cracked, Cindy's jaw dropped, Glinda's eyes widened, Marion stared into her cup and Thumbelina choked on her punch, “ Wow, Evelyn, that's a personal record, a whole minute of civility, color me impressed.” 

Evelyn leaned in close, her diamonds twinkling like constellations “ Careful, Princess, all it takes is one tiny crack on that oh-so perfect princess facade of yours and your whole fairytale comes tumbling down.” 

The Dark Fairy fluttered her wings “ We’re evil, we practically live to torment others.” 

Evelyn smirked and flipped her hair walking off with the other Villains following along, Snow and the others exchanged uneasy looks, Evelyn was dangerous and already plotting her next move. On the other side of the dance floor.

 Odile examined her manicure “ I wanna change up my nails, what color should I get?” She said to the Dark Fairy” I'm thinking black tips or maybe something with feathers.” 

Meanwhile, Bad Wolf, whose face now resembled a tomato “ Last one, Pinky swear,” he mumbled, Evelyn rolled her eyes and pulled out several small velvet pouches, with a flick she revealed gummy bears glowing.

Bad Wolf paused mid-bite, sniffling the air “ Ugh! What the hex is in that? Cough! Cough! Smells sweet but also toxic.” 

“ Good nose, Wolfie.” Evelyn purred “ Let's just say these are party favors, a little chaos in chewy gelatin form, something to make this party….memorable.” 

Bad Wolf leaned in “ You're not seriously going to eat those, right? They smell like poison.” 

Evelyn scoffed “Oh please! I just whitened my teeth last week, I'm not about to ruin them with gooey gork,” she snapped her fingers, handing them the pouches “ Put them with the other snacks, quietly.” 

Odile twirled, feathered skirt swishing “ Can you imagine if some Royal got totally baked and the next thing we know they're convinced the disco ball is their Fairy Godmother! Hilarious!” 

The dark fairy snorted “It seems we’re starting the school year with a BANG!” she grabbed the pouch grinning “ This is going to be legendary.” 

Evelyn lowered her voice, “ Remember, discreetly.” 

 Wolf, whose face was starting to swell, shrugged “Well you ladies have fun with that while I'm going to get me more of those bacon wrapped shrimps. Later.” he wondered off

Evelyn watches him go “ Ugh! Honestly, he’d eat poison if it had meat on it.” Odile and the Dark Fairy scattered, blending in seamlessly and dumped the gummies with other snacks, Evelyn stood back watching her minions at work, she plucked one gummy from the pouch, she studied the wriggly bear between her black nails “ Should I? The guy said these was really strong,” 

"Oh what the hex!” and tossed it into her mouth, her eyes widened “ Oh! My! That's certainly…. interesting,”

Just then Humpty Dumpty in a mint blue turtle neck sweater and a band-aid that covered a creak on his forehead with a crown on his head, strolled passed her humming off key balancing a plate piled high with chocolate covered strawberries, he was perfect, Humpty was kinda not entire right in the head, apparently when he was a kid, he tried climbing up a golden pear tree to impress the Princess of Spain and fell down and ever since that day he’s been….. different.

Evelyn purred, sliding into his path “ If it isn't my good old pal Humpty.” 

Humpty blinked, confused “ Uh…um…are you talking to me?” 

Evelyn’s smile twitched “ Yes you, who else would I be talking to?” 

Humpty nodded sagely “ Phew! Though I was hearing voices again, last week my great grandfather told me to dismantle and destroy the great constitution.” 

Evelyn blinked “ Aha?” 

Humpty leaned closer “ And yesterday, he told me to start a rock band, I don't know what that geezer was talking about, I always saw myself as more of a smooth jazz kinda guy, you know?” 

Evelyn slipped the pouch into his hand, her tone dripping like honey “ Here darling, A little gift for you….. party favors.” 

Humpty peered into the bag “Ooooh! Gummies!” he squinted at her “ Wait…these aren't poisoned, are they? You do have a track record.” 

Evelyn gasped theatrically “Humpty! Poison? I would never!” 

He stared at her “ Yeah, you definitely would but..… I'm not gonna turn down free candy!”He happily shoved a fistful into his mouth without hesitation “ Later!” 

Evelyn remained by the fountain with smug satisfaction “ Tonight, chaos shall reign one gummy at a time 

☕

“ Ugh” Alice sighs, staring down at the half empty plastic cup in her hand 

No matter how hard she tried, to focus on the music, the chatter, the glittering lights, her mind just circled back to one thing

Jack …….Oh Jackie……

 I wonder what he's doing now…. probably went to bed early, tomorrow is the first day of school, which means, the first day of training and Jack took his training very seriously, like wake up 5 in the morning kinda serious, then straight to classes then afternoon practice, then he would stay back an extra hour for his own personal practice, Jack LaLance had nothing on him!

He had to be on top of his game, he had a sponsorship deal with the sporting company Atlas, they paid for everything, his tuition, books, housing and all he had to do was wear their clothes, do some poses for magazines and most importantly WIN.

Half the reason I dragged myself here was because I couldn’t stay in my room with my thoughts alone, ugly crying into my pillow while reminiscing about our time together, And tomorrow! OH! I didn't want to think about tomorrow! having to see his face,

she groaned at the thought, 

I just wanted to forget everything and have a good time, but there was a possibility that Jack was here?…… no, no he has training, he wouldn't…be here, but what if he did show up?! What if he thought “Hi! Now that I'm single I'm ready to mingle!” Oh my Godmother! What should I do if he's here! But maybe there was a part of me that wanted to see him, to ask what went wrong…why- 

“ Ever After to ALICE!” A voice suddenly chirped 

Alice blinked and snapped out of her spiral “ Wh-What!?” 

“ Finally!” Goldie stood in front of her, with a grin on her face “ Do you have any idea how long I've been calling your name? I was seriously contemplating waving flag signals.” 

Alice flushed “ Goldie? Oh sorry, I must have spaced out.” Alice paused, “ Um ... .do you need anything?” 

Goldie giggled, tilting her head “ If I need anything!? Oh no darling! Noooo. But you? it seems to me that you most certainly need help.”

Alice frowned “ Um…why would I-” 

“ Because of your break up, duh!” Goldie leaned closer “ I heard all about you and Jack not being an item anymore, I just wanted to check up on you to make sure you're ok.” 

Alice’s stomach dropped. Oh great! This is perfect! Of all people, it had to be Goldie, and tomorrow she's going to dish out her dirty laundry on the school paper. Her heartbreak would probably be the front page headline “ Alice in Heartbreakland!” 

“ I- I don't know what you're talking about.” Alice said stiffly 

“ Oh Ally!” Goldie cooed, clutching her hand trying to sound sympathetic. “ I can only imagine the anguish you're going through right now, I feel your pain. I know you're embarrassed, but don't worry, Jack told me all about it.”  

Alice blinked “ You… talked to Jack?’ 

“ Oh yes!” Goldie beamed “ We just had a little chat earlier this afternoon. Don't worry, your secret’s safe with me.” Wink

Yeah right! Alice thought, glaring, there was no way Jack would've told her, which means either Hunts, Blue or heaven forbid, Bow! But Bow was her friend! And sure Bow did work with Goldie on the school paper, but she wasn't cruel enough to hand-feed her heartbreak to the Queen of Gossip. Bow knew that Alice hated Goldie's gossip column, the way she would air people’s private secrets out in the open was so not just right! No way she’d betray her like that….. right?

Goldie leaned even closer, her voice dripping honey and poison “ I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, and if you ever need a friend to talk too, I'm all ears” 

“ Friend!?” Alice echoed almost offended 

“ Yes! Friend!” Goldie chirped “ I mean, we did work together last semester in crownculus class. Remember? We are friends? Ain't we?” 

Oh! this witch! She was good! Alice thought. She had to give her props, trapping her like a cat with a cornered mouse

Alice sighed “.....Okay…..Yes. Me and Jack broke up……but there's no need for you to worry…..it was tough but I’ll pull through. Thanks for checking on me.” 

Goldie's left eye twitched a little “ A-are you really sure you're ok! Cause I'm right here if you need anything! I'm always here if you need emotional support!” 

Alice began to back away “ Um….no thank you, but your help is much appreciated-” 

Then BAM! She backed right into a wall of muscle, cologne and inflated ego, She touched someone and recoiled “Oops, sorry!” 

He smirked, voice oozing in confidence. “ What a coincidence bumping into you like this, Alice.” 

 Godmother above! Not this clown! Alice thought “Ugh! I mean, Goodness! Sorry about that John!” 

He straightened his velvet sleeves “ Ahem!” He smiled, staring at her chest “ It's actually Your Royal Highness Prince John or John the Prince of Scales, either one will suffice.” 

“Mmmkay?” she muttered.

Prince John Lionheart, the royal family's spare tire was the kid brother of the current King, Richard Lionheart and the second heir to the throne of Great Britannia, if privilege had a face it would most definitely be his, overly moisturized and unbearably smug one.

“ Alice,” he continued, letting his gaze drift way south of her face “ I must say you look ravishing in that dress, it really brings out your……… eyes” 

Alice covered her chest by crossing her arms “ Thanks” 

Goldie snaps her fingers Snap! Snap! “Hello! Pervy Mcperverson? Her eyes are further up! And leave Ally alone ok, she's like, really emotionally fragile right now!” 

John rolled his eyes “ Oh come on! There's no crime in looking, besides if she doesn’t want attention, why’d her loser boyfriend let her come to a party dressed like that?”

Alice felt the crowd turning, whispers starting, panic climbed her spine “ Well I-”

“ She’s going through a lot ok!” Goldie's hands flailed up in the air “She and Jack broke up! So drop it, She doesn't need Prince Creepy breathing checking out her cleavage!” 

Face palm, Alice's cheeks turning red, as onlookers cooed and Oooohs around them Great! Just great! Just what I needed! She thought. Let's not wait until tomorrow to air it out on the papers! Let's broadcast it for the entire Kingdom to hear! 

“ Wait! Alice and Jack are over!?” John gasped and started smoothening his hair “ Finally! I say good riddance, it's about time you ditched that commoner, you deserve someone regal?….. like a King maybe?” 

“ Ugh!” She scuffed “ Oh really? Like You? Sorry but over-privileged, egoistical narcissists with daddy issues are sooooo not my type.” 

John laughed, puffing his chest “ Ha! Cute,” he looks her up and down, smirking “ You're an attractive enough girl, I mean you certainly got some potential….. You know, I don't usually date down, but I'm willing to make an expectation. Just. For. You. How does that sound.” 

She smiled sweetly, as she tilted her head “ Wow that sound…. terrible, absolutely terrible.” 

Unfazed, he chuckled “You're just having a reaction, which is understandable, you never had a Prince of my high status make a move on you before, you know what, let's start over, SHERIFF!” 

The would be Sheriff of Nottingham, who was none the wiser, too busy gawking at Marian didn't even realize that Prince John had called out his name, it took an elbow to the stomach from his cousin, Guy of Gisborne to snap him back to reality, with a started blink, Sheriff appeared, holding a scroll 

“ Yes, your Majesty! Uh! Highness!” Sheriff handed over the scroll 

 He grabs the scroll, clears his throat “ This legally binding contract offers you with a generous allowance, that you will spend however you desire and in return you will follow all the rules that I set forth, you will be easy going, laugh at my jokes, go on dates to wherever and whenever I see fit…..blah, blah, blah and it just goes on and on, but you get the gist, so what do you say Alice? be my Princess?” 

Alice didn't even blink “ NO. Never.” 

She, turning her heels, completely over it all “ Now if you’ll excuse me Your Royal Highness, I need to powder my nose.” 

Goldie trotted after her “ Ally, wait!” Goldie cooed “ I’ll come with you, just in case you need-” 

“NO!!” Alice snapped whirling around “ You’ve “HELPED” enough! and can you please stop it with the fake sympathy! I-I just want to be alone! Okay?!” 

With that, she stomped off leaving Goldie standing there, blinking.

Chapter Text

Moments prior, while Blue and Hunts were locked into a heated debate 

“ So they go to the Past, right?” Blue waved his cup around dramatically “ And the whole movie is about Morty and Doc trying to go back to the present, 1985 Yes?”

“ 1985, Correct.” Hunts nodded patiently 

“ Exactly! 1985! So why is the movie called Spell to the Future?! If the movie is about them trying to find a way back to the Present?! Shouldn't it be Spell to the Present!?” Blue shaved his hand in the bowl of cheese puffs and shoved them in his mouth 

Hunts slapped his forehead “ Because, numb skull! When they went to the Past, the Present became the Future, since they're in the 50's!”

“ Who cares what's the movie’s called,” Jack said with his mouth full of pigs in a blanket, cheese puff, chips and who knows what else “ The movie’s wicked” 

Blue pointed to his temple like a philosopher “ No,no,no! It's not clocking to you! you're not getting it bro! If the Present already happened, how can it be the Future?! It's the Present! Present day! EW!” he gagged, nearly choking on a cheese puff

Huntsman’s eye twitched “ They're in the PAST! So the FUTURE! is the PRESENT!”

Blue threw his hands up in frustration “How can the Present be the Future if it ALREADY HAPPENED! The Future is time that is BEYOND the PRESENT! which is AFTER! 1985!” 

Before Hunts can strangle him, Robin strolled over with his posse, stole a cheese puff from Blue's hand and smirked “ Sorry Blue, but Imma' agree with Huntsman on tis' one, tey' in the 50s meaning 1985 is the future, it's literally in the title.” 

Blue glares “ …….. Really Man!?” 

“ If it isn't the Prince of Thieves and his Merry Boys, minus one” Hunts said 

“ The one and only.” He grinned “ Will’s having a hissy fit bout' early, don't worry, he’ll calm down by tomorrah'.” 

Much gave a dramatic bow, swiping another puff “ Your generosity honours us, noble sir.” 

Blue stared at his hands “ I guess I'm sharing today?” 

Robin shrugged “ Seriously Blue ah' see where you're coming from, but yeh' honestly think anyone would watcha' movie call Spell to the Present? Not exactly an engaging title is it? want one?” he swipes yet another cheese puff from Blue’s hand and offers John

“ Thanks mate.” John said genuinely 

“ Surprise!!” Bow practically burst in, wearing an aggressively pink ruffle denim skirt with long sleeves cowl neck sweater with bows and an embroidered sheep on the front.

“ I was looking all over for you, Huntsman” she blushed “I-I mean all of you! I was looking for all of you guys! Anyway! Goldie left me in charge of the music, and couldn't decide so I just went with a mix of Mad-donna, Witch-ney, The Black Smiths, Fairest Jackson and New Mirror! Have you guys heard their music? it's the sickest!” 

Robin squinted “ Tat' Joy Kingdom right?” 

Bow blinked “ No it's New Mirror.”  

Robin scoffed “ That's wat I said, you tart!” 

Jack double fisting snacks, “Phew! No you said Joy Kingdoms, CHEW! they changed their name, CRUNCH! like years ago, you're from Great Britannia, you should know this?!” 

Robin scowled “ Oh! Gross! And you should knor' how to close ur' mouth wen' chewin'.” 

Jack went back chewing a mouthful of chips “ Well since me and Alice are over, I'm finding solace in food, okay!” 

“ Sorry to hear tat,” John said gently, “ Jus' keep your chin up.” 

Much smirked “ Yeah! all 10 of em'.” Jack froze, then angrily stuffed three marshmallows in his mouth.

 Hunts groaned, turning to Bow “ Honesty Bow I don't understand how you allow her to boss you around like that.” 

Bow hesitated, playing with the bow on her sweater “....... Goldie has a lot going on you know? Plus she has some good qualities.” 

Robin crossed his arm “ Right? I don't think being an intrusive gossiping witch is ah' adequate skill to put on ah' resume.” 

“ Almost as intrusive as those douche nozzles at the entrance.” Blue muttered, gripping his cup 

“ What douche nozzles?” Bow tilted her head 

Blue patted her giant afro puffs “ Oh, no need to worry your pretty pink head about it.” 

Before anyone could respond, Hunts noticed that Jack was entranced by the Cheese and Chocolate fountains

Jack muttered like he was under a spell “ Cheese, Chocolate, Cheese, Chocolate, Cheese, Chocolate.” as he constantly switching his skewer between the Chocolate and cheese fountain 

“ Jack, listen to me carefully bro,” Hunts said calmly “ You're caught in a sweet, savory loop, put the skewer down.” 

“ I want to, but I can't.” Jack said mesmerized “ Cheese, Chocolate, Cheese, Chocolate, Chees-” 

Blue yanked the skewer, dripping with a comb of sausages, marshmallows, strawberries drowning in chocolate - cheese sludge “ Ew! dude! I can literally feel my arteries clogging!” 

“Back to the topic at hand!” Blue licked his finger “ Why call the movie Spell to the Future! when the entire plot is about them trying to get a spell back to the Present! That's just false advertising, right Jackie?!” 

“ Helloooo!?” He shakes Jack's shoulder “ am I talking to myself here?”

Jack didn't answer. He just stood still, staring at something, Blue followed his gaze, his jaw tightened “ Oh curses!” 

There she was, Alice, In a black and pink mini dress, standing by the snack table, mumbling nervously, His Alice, he thought, she was always pretty….. but tonight she looked unfairly pretty 

“ Uh oh” Hunts muttered “ Jack you-” But Jack couldn't hear Hunts anymore, his ears were ringing, his chest was pounding, the walls were closing into themselves 

“ I-I have to go-” he stammered out loud. Go! Where? He thought to himself, To her? You can't just march up and talk to her! I need an escape, somewhere safe, somewhere private Anywhere!.. Pee! I needed to pee!? NOW! 

His brain short circuited and his mouth betrayed him “ I have to go pee on her!” Jack blurted

The group froze like statues, Hunt's drink was halfway to his mouth, Blue choked on a cheese puff, Bow eyes widened and Robin and friends looked mortified, before anyone could say another word Jack bolted speed walking towards the toilet.

💰

“ Hey! My tiara’s gone!” One girl shrieked.

“ My ring! It's a family heirloom!” a prince cried dramatically, clutching his empty hand.

Within moments, panic rippled across the dance floor as multiple noble students checked their gowns, coats and pockets, finding trinkets missing, the air filled with gasps, accusations and murmurs.

 Sheriff puffed his chest, voice dripping with importance “ Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser,” he mused, stroking his chin “ This is quite the conundrum, wouldn't you agree?” 

“ Indeed, cousin,” Guy Gisborne added, pushing up the frame of his glasses “ Don't you think it's rather……perplexing that only those of affluent status belongings have mysteriously vanished?” 

“ Right again, as always Guy!” Sheriff beamed “ Clearly, it is evident, nay! indisputable who is responsible for this heinous act of thievery, only one group of mischievous scoundrels with impeccable timing and questionable morals could orchestrate such an underhanded scheme.” 

All eyes snapped to Robin, leaning casually against a pillar, Merry men behind him confused, Robin raised an eyebrow “ Excuse meh!?” 

Guy folded his hands, smug as ever “ How utterly predictable, it’s in the very nature of these Hoodlums to pilfer the treasured possessions of those of an elevated social standing.” 

Little John frowned “ Bruv, did yeh' drink ah' thesaurus? I don't know wat you're saying.”

Sheriff sneered, “ Well then Robin, if you would be oh so generous and tell us where you’ve hidden everyone's belongings we can all put this silly little debacle behind us.” 

Robin stood straight, grinning “ Sure thing Sheriff, I'll tell yeh' exactly where it is.” He raised his middle finger and pointed skyward “ It's riiiight up there in the ceiling, take ah gander” 

The crowd gasped. Sheriff's teeth tightened “ How dare you, you ruffian!” 

“ Shut up!” Robin shouted, stepping close “Don't jus' stand around likea' cowardly little witch! Yeh yeasty hag troll!” 

Sherif’s face turned red “ Oh! You’ve done it now you bastard!” he barked his teeth and grabbed Robin's collar

In an instant, Robin grabbed Sheriff's coat, the two grappled each other as onlookers circled around them shouting “ FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!” 

Much jumped into a karate stance “ Cha-cha! Back off bro, I know Kung Fu! Hii! YA!” 

Before anyone could land a punch, a voice sliced through the chaos “ What is the meaning of this!” The crowd parted as Prince John stood there.

Sheriff immediately dropped Robin and tried patting down his crumpled clothes “ Y-Your Royal Highness!” he squealed, “I can explain!” 

Prince John arched a brow, unimpressed “ Explain? what exactly? How you’ve made an utterly buffoon of yourself in front of half the school?” 

Sheriff stammered “ N-no, your Royal Highness you see this ruffian and his ragtag band of hoodlums were clearly the ones responsible for-” 

“Enough! That's not true,” Marian blurted, she walked over, turned to Prince John and curtsied “ Your Royal Highness, I witnessed both the Sheriff and Guy Gisborne falsely accuse Robin and his friends of stealing noble students' belongings without a shred of evidence.” 

Sheriff tried fixing his hair “ Lady Marian! With all due respect, it only makes logical sense for Robin and his crew of miscreants to be the perpetrators, after all it is their destinies to steal from the wealthy.”  

Marian's eyes narrowed “ So your only evidence is….. destiny? By that logic shouldn't you and Guy be suspects too? After all, aren’t you two destined to steal as well?

“ OOOOOH!” The crowd roared, Guy flailed, his voice creaking “ Th-that’s preposterous! And utterly hypocritical! Those are two completely non identical circumstances and you KNOW IT!” 

Prince John shook his head “ I'm ashamed, you of all people should know better, prosecuting someone without any actual evidence? And starting an all out brawl at a public event, it's a total disgrace and unbecoming of a gentleman!” 

Ironic from the guy who a while ago tried to bribe Alice into dating him with a contract.

“ I agree,” Marian nodded. “ What would his Majesty say if word spread of the future Sheriff of Nottingham, going into a fist fight at Sleeping Beauty’s party.” 

Sheriff and Sir Guy stiffened, clearly rattled and Sheriff tugged nervously at his collar “ You heard Lady Marian. Stand down.” Prince John ordered 

“ But, your Royal Highness!” Sir Guy and Sheriff protested but Prince John’s eyes narrowed. One look, just one and their mouths snapped shut, Sheriff scowled, before finally stomping off with Guy trailing behind.

Much laughed “ Damn! Did you see the looks on their faces, hahaha! Priceless!” 

Marian stepped towards them “ Um….I'm really sorry about that….you know how they are.” 

Robin tensed, arms crossed “Tch. We didn't need your help, I ha' everythin' under control.” he said coldly 

“ Don't be rude!” John snapped, then awkwardly bowed “ I apologize on Robin's. behalf…um..ur' ladyshipness?”  

Much bowed too, nearly tripping over his own foot, Marian shook her head, flustered “ Oh no! You don't have to do that! Honestly! A simple thank you is fine!........ I should go back, sorry again for all the trouble…so…um…..see you around.” She walked off

Robin rolled his eyes, “ Yeah, whateva' ” 

John elbowed him in the ribs “ EW!! Red already sprained meh' hand, you wanna break meh' ribs next!?” 

John scowled “ Wat were you thinkin'?! Ah yeasty hag troll? Really?” 

Robin smirked, “ Wat? I was improvisin' ha' to find some way to get close to him without looking suspicious, you knor'?”

Much snorted “ Wit' that overly expensive cologne, he smells like expired sourdough.” 

John sighed “ Still…he coulda' actually hurt you, Rob.” 

“ Please,” Much said, again posing in a karate stance. “ Ah' watched The Karate Knight, like, twenty times, I’d hit ‘em with Mr. Miyagi, Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!” 

John crossed his arms “ But yeh' did manage to get everythin', right?” 

Robin patted his jacket “ Of course, way too easy! I'll sneak ‘em back on everyone and I’ll keep a little somethin' for mehself yeh' know….as compensation.” 

John gave him a sharp look “ Ugh! Fine! I’ll give it all back….no hero fee for meh'.” 

“ Good.” 

Robin grumbled “ Let's go. Ah' seriously need more of em' gummy bears, they're bloody delicious!”