Chapter Text
The morning sun was shining, and its soft light gave the inside of Dwalin’s tavern a warm and welcoming atmosphere. Fíli felt refreshed after a good’s night sleep and a hearty breakfast, served by Nori. He had not quite managed to eat it all. He had finished his small bowl of porridge and had copious amounts of dry soda bread, kippers, sausages and beans, grilled tomato and black pudding fried in too much butter, but there was no way he could eat everything put on the table for him.
Nori sidled in, just as he emptied the last of the tea.
“Are you finished, love?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Her eyes narrowed with suspicion as she viewed the remains.
“Was it all right?”
“Yes, splendid, thank you. Just a bit too much for me.”
Nori laughed. “That’s half of what my Dwalin has every morning and a proper paunch he has.”
She winked. “We’ll make a proper dwarf out of ya yet, just you see.”
Fíli was well aware that he was a bit skinny for his age, so he desperately tried to change the subject.
“Looks like it should be nice out.” Fíli squinted and looked outside. The island did look friendly in the sunshine. But Nori shook her head.
“There’s a storm coming.”
“Really? Are the gulls flying low or something?”
Nori smirked. “It was on the telly.” She gestured at the tube tv behind her.
Fíli gave an embarrassed little laugh. Of course. The telly.
“You’re not married, Fíli, are you?”
Where did that come from? “No?” Fíli admitted, warily.
Nori winked. “Like O’Shea. Well, he’s bereft.”
She shook her head and clucked her tongue sadly.
“He lost his partner?”
That would explain some of the other Garda’s behaviour. Fíli had arrested many people for being drunk and disorderly, who turned out to be recent widowers.
“He wouldn’t tell you. No. He’s a very private fella, that one. With a few drinks and a nod, it might come out, but not normally, no. He could be a cop anywhere, you know, he doesn’t need to stay on this island really … he just likes to be around those he loves, you see?”
Fíli smiled politely. In Dublin, Kíli would have been fired on his first day of the job. Gardai drunk on while on duty might be normal on a remote island, but anywhere else? Nori was undaunted.
“Now, if you need at any stage a bigger bed, I’ve a lovely room. The honeymoon suite we usually call it. Up the back of the hotel. It’s very quiet.”
Completely flabbergasted, Fíli could just stare at her for a moment. “No, thank you.”
There was nothing that could deter Nori, though. She pointed up to the guestrooms.
“We’ve much bigger beds if there’s two instead one, you know. Because next week, we’ve …”
“Ok.” But Fíli was ignored.
“... a big stag party from Dublin, so if you want a bigger room, now’s the time to book it.”
The woman winked at Fíli, who desperately tried not to flush. He had to get away from that terrible matchmaker. Now. The guard hastily wiped his mouth, grabbed his jacket and got up.
“Ok, thank you. Goodbye.”
“All right, Fíli. Have a great day.”
She gave him a cheery wave.
“Thank you.”
Fíli went out as quickly as he could with a modicum of dignity preserved.
*~*
The weather was still sunny when Fíli pulled the Gardai car into the station’s yard. He jumped out of the car. This was really feeling like a holiday. The clean, briny air was doing him good.
He walked straight to the single holding cell at the back of the station.
“Morning!” he sang, as he opens the door.
Kíli just groaned in response. He was laying on the pallet and tried to lift himself up on his elbows to face him, but the light (subdued as it was inside) was still too bright, and he squinted his eyes.
“Nice place you’ve got here,” Fíli remarked with a bright smile. “Close to the beach. All mod cons.”
A crease appeared between Kíli’s eyebrows, and his hands touched the bed questioningly. He finally caught on to where he was and rolled over on his side.
“What happened?”
“Section 4.1 of the public order act.” Fíli put on his most professional tone and expression. “It is an offense for any person to be present in any public place while intoxicated to such an extent as would give rise to reasonable apprehension.”
Staring at him in disbelief, Kíli sat up.
“You arrested me?”
Fíli allowed himself to deflate a little and shook his head. “You passed out before I could find your house.”
The floor seemed fascinating all of the sudden to both of them. Before it could get more embarrassing, the phone on the wall rang. Fíli let out a breath of relief before he answered it.
“Garda Nolan!”
*~*
Bofur had been lucky the other guard had taken his call. If it had been Kíli, he wouldn’t have been believed.
The two Gardai and he were on foot, on their way to Bilbo’s laboratory. Bofur couldn’t contain his excitement.
“But, I get a reward for discovering it? A finder’s fee?” It was about the third time he was asking the same question, and it was getting on Kíli’s nerves.
“Bofur, I already told you, we’ll discuss it later.”
“But I get something, right?”
Kíli clenched his jaw and ignored the fisherman. He didn’t want to be here. Not at all.
Firstly, today was Sunday, and he wasn’t supposed to work. But Fíli had taken Bofur’s call, and he just couldn’t leave him alone with Bilbo.
Secondly, his whole body hurt after a night spent on a cell’s hard bunk.
Lastly, he knew his uncle would be there. Waking up in the station’s drunk tank had been enough already; he didn’t need to bear with the scientist’s remarks about his state, especially in front of his new and irreproachable colleague.
Fíli was silently tagging along, thinking about the last night’s fiasco and his drunken teammate’s pathetic flirt attempt before passing out on the landing. Dwalin and Nori were already gone, so Fíli had had to drag Kíli down the stairs all by himself, manhandle him into the car, and endure his nonsensical mumblings until he snored.
Fíli was aware of the humiliation Kíli had felt this morning, but what else could he do? The station’s drunk tank was the only safe place he knew. Nori’s words were also haunting him. Her unrefined way of trying to pair him up with her widowed friend was utterly revolting, yet Fíli couldn’t help but think about Kíli’s grief. Though he disapproved of his propensity to drink, he felt him.
*~*
Being the official authority of the island, Kíli didn’t bother knocking and entered the lab, his two companions in tow.
Fíli observed his surroundings with astonishment. How could anyone call these premises a laboratory? The place looked more like a converted warehouse.
It was immense, and a whole portion of the room was cluttered with old rowing boats, lobster pots, and fishnets. Near the main door, there was a collection of fish tanks and old shelves, and a small desk without even a computer. A tiny electric heater was barely managing to warm the chilly area.
Somewhere amidst this bric-a-brac, Bilbo was leaning over an examination table. He was wearing a white coat, silicon gloves, and a facemask. The Hobbit was so occupied with his task, he didn’t bother turning around to greet his visitors.
Bofur hastened to the table, impatient as a dwarfling. His discovery was so extraordinary, he’d get a huge reward for sure. His goofy grin faltered a bit when Kíli let out a disgusted “Eurgh!” at the sight of his precious catch.
Flopped on the table was something that seemed to be all dark-blue tentacles, covered by slimy yellowish netting and a pink gap in the middle, which had to be its mouth. Teeth that looked like mangled bone fragments were stuck in the squishy flesh, forming a perfect circle. And it reeked. The creature’s foul stench reminded Fíli of silt and rotten eggs, plus another smell he couldn’t define.
Irritated by Kíli’s childish remark, Bilbo sarcastically asked: “Oh. Is that your professional opinion?”
The Hobbit’s British accent coupled with disdain made Kíli want to punch him in the face.
“An Akhlat,” said Bofur proudly, eliciting an annoyed huff from Bilbo.
“A what?” asked Kíli, a bit lost. His knowledge of his ancestor’s language was too superficial to allow him to understand. A fugitive memory of him locked away in his room, punished by Thorin until he could recite all the names of his family tree from Durin the Deathless to Thrain II, painfully resurfaced.
“An Akhlat, a “Grasper,” “ explained Bofur, with a smug smile.
“I’ve told you, Bofur, I’m not calling it that. It needs a name that defines its genus,” said the scientist.
“I discovered it. I get to name it,” replied the stubborn fisherman.
The sound of the main door of the lab being slammed made them all startle.
Thorin strode into the make-shift laboratory as if he owned the place. Well, he actually owned it. The premises were his, and the Research Division of the University regularly subsidised the works of his former student, Bilbo Baggins-Smith. Marine ecology was the trend, apparently.
Fíli got instantly impressed by Thorin’s imposing presence and unconsciously straightened his back.
“Good morning, professor Oakenshield,” respectfully said the Hobbit before bowing shortly to his former mentor.
“Good morning, Bilbo,” replied Thorin. Then, he addressed his nephew with a rather cold “Ah, you’re here as well, Kíli.”
The guard mumbled something sounding like “Uncle” with a brief nod and held his head down for a short moment before introducing his teammate.
“Uncle, let me acquaint you with Garda Fíli Nolan. He’s here to assist me during serjeant Kenefick’s holiday. Garda Nolan, this is Thorin Oakenshield, mayor of Erebor and also Marine Science professor at Durin’s University Dublin. He owns this laboratory.”
Kíli’s unusual stern tone didn’t escape Fíli, but he didn’t let it show. Instead, he shook Thorin’s hand firmly and offered his most polite smile.
Everybody was eying the motionless creature in silence when Fíli eventually asked: “So, what is this thing?”
Bilbo, whose look was locked on Thorin, seemed to wake up from a trance. Surprisingly, he admitted: “I haven’t a clue. I’ve never seen anything like it before. It is a completely foreign species. I can’t even begin to originate or class it.”
“An Akhlat,” emphasized Bofur, and Bilbo rolled his eyes.
Foreseeing an umpteenth bickering between the Hobbit and the fisherman, Fíli went straight to the point and asked Bofur “It attacked you?”
“Stuck on the ceiling it was. Nearly ripped me throat out!”
Thorin cast Bofur a dubious look. Natives from Erebor knew sea creatures well. Merrows and such were quite common, but once the fisherman had sworn to Mahal in front of the whole tavern he had crossed the path of the Enbarr of Mannanán, so one could easily doubt his word. However, even Thorin, with his vast experience of growing up on an island and studying and researching marine life for all his adult life had never seen something like this before.
The stench was so disgusting Fíli repressed his gagging when he saw Kíli prodding around what looked like the mouth of the monster.
“It’s dead, right?” asked Kíli.
“I’m not actually sure.”
The guard hastily took a step back and wiped his hand on his trousers. “You what?”
“Basic tests so far have shown nothing usual or normal, it is beyond mystifying. I really can’t be sure without opening it up.”
“You haven’t already?” Before Thorin had ended his sentence, Bofur had risen his walking stick and whacked the monster with it.
Kíli and Bilbo jumped back in surprise, while Fíli and Thorin managed to keep their posture.
Kíli smirked, and Bofur smugly informed them: “It’s dead all right.”
Bilbo scolded the dwarf. “Would you stop doing that? Is it any wonder it bit you?”
“It bit Bofur?” Thorin turned to the fisherman, frowning.
“Oh, aye, it …”
Foreseeing another of Bofur’s rambling speeches, Fíli cut him short.
“What’s that in his mouth?”
Bilbo chuckled. “That …” And he made a dramatic little pause. “That is its tongue.”
The biologist took his forceps and gently started pulling, whispering “Check it out!”
Only Thorin remained stoic as Bilbo revealed the pointy tip of a long strange strip of white, slimy tissue. Bofur chuckled.
“Spits like a frog and strangles you. Whippet fast and sharp.”
Kíli and Fíli could both believe that. It looked unpleasant, to say the least. Bilbo nodded.
“So I’m guessing this creature bleeds its prey like a leech, consuming the blood like some sort of Vampyroteuthis.”
Kíli blinked. “Vampyro what?”
“Vampyroteuthis,” Thorin supplied before Bilbo could stop him. “Commonly called ‘vampire squid.’ They are small, deep-sea cephalopods found throughout temperate and tropical oceans. And they don’t look like this at all. I had expected a better analysis from a former student of mine.”
Bilbo huffed. “I said ‘some sort of,' I didn’t classify it as Vampyroteuthis.” He released the tongue and put the forceps down forcefully. “This is something entirely different. Something alien.”
When he saw the astonished looks on the three laymen and Thorin opening his mouth to rebuff him, he added hastily. “In that it is undocumented. Not from …” He chuckled and pointed upwards.
“Very helpful,” Thorin grumbled, just as Bofur rubbed his hands.
“It’s gotta be worth a fortune!”
“But here … here’s the thing ...” Bilbo went through his array of tools, creating a background of clanging metal, before he gave a little triumphant shout and turned around again. “When I tried to, ah, clean some dirt off it …”
Bofur grinned, jabbing his elbow in Fíli’s side. “I stood on it a few times.”
As much as he tried to get his nose as far away from the other dwarf, Fíli was impressed. It needed cold blood to be able to fight against this hideous creature. Whatever it was, this was not what he had expected to encounter during his holidays.
Bilbo’s latex gloved hands rubbed a little moist sponge over a tentacle, removing dried slime. It began to sparkle and made a gurgling noise.
Kíli frowned. “What does that mean?”
Fíli made a note that Kíli’s voice went deeper when he appeared to be frightened.
Bilbo smiled: “All this creature needs to survive is blood and water.”
“Can I put this on eBay, what do you think?” All this scientific nonsense was of little interest to a pragmatic fisherman. Kíli chuckled but sobered when he caught Thorin’s furious eyes.
“You’re not putting this on eBay,” Bilbo and Thorin chided Bofur in unison. The Hobbit glared at Thorin and then at Bofur again.
“You are so lucky she didn’t kill you, Bofur.”
“She?” Thorin looked back at the thing on the table.
“Yeah, it’s a female from what …” Bilbo stopped himself. “It’s a female.”
He ignored Kíli, who, not so subtly, cleaned the slime covering his hands on Bilbo’s lab coat after touching the creature.
Bofur poked his catch again. “How can you tell?”
“Well, it got no testicles. And ..” he raised a teacherly finger but was interrupted by Kíli.
“And it takes a scientist to realise that.”
Thorin smiled grimly. “It’s not like you could tell, Kíli. How would you know it’s got no testicles?”
“I ….” Kíli blinked. He had not expected to be interrogated about the genitalia of squid-like creatures, although with his uncle, an interrogation should always be expected.
Luckily, Bilbo saved him. The Hobbit emerged from under the table, putting a tray on it.
The clang got their attention. An egg. That huge yellowish globe could only be an egg. It was nearly as big as the body of the thing, though.
“She was pregnant,” Bilbo announced.
He had already cut open the egg and lifted the top up now, to reveal baby tentacles in slime. It smelled rotten, and even Fíli had to take several steps back.
“It’s disgusting,” he burst out and Kíli, for once, could only agree with his colleague.
Thorin looked from the egg to the creature.
“That big egg came out of that specimen?” His tone made it evident that he did not quite believe his former student and Bilbo bristled.
“Ilúvatar’s work is mysterious.”
“Religion,” Thorin scoffed. “Is that all you’ve got?”
Fíli felt that this was going beyond the scope of police work. If he was honest with himself, he just wanted to get away from that thing.
“I believe it is best if Kíli and I take Bofur’s statement outside and leave you two to your science,” he announced.
Bilbo didn’t seem too happy about that, but Thorin nodded magnanimously.
“That is sensible. Kíli can learn something from your presence, Garda Nolan.”
Trying very hard not to preen, Fíli followed the other two dwarves. Kíli was already herding Bofur out, who was going on about eBay and finder’s fees again. While it was great to have the mayor’s approval (of however small an island), he did feel a bit sorry for Kíli. Thorin really shouldn’t make such comments in public; that was unprofessional.
*~*
Bofur had nothing much to add to what he had already told them in the lab. He had caught the thing the previous afternoon, Dior was his witness, and instead of notifying anyone that he had captured a strange creature, he had put it in his bathtub.
Kíli hadn’t believed him in the pub - Bofur tried to get Fíli to say that Kíli had been in the wrong, but Fíli, for once, was in total sympathy. When he came home, the creature had escaped the tub, was stuck on the ceiling, its tongue had lashed out at him, starting to suck and then the creature had crashed down on him until it had just gone limp after a fierce struggle.
It was unlikely that they would be further involved. New, potentially dangerous species were not the division of the local police. Still, he had quite a disgusting story to tell in Dublin now, so Fíli was in a good mood as they raced along the coast.
It was interrupted by Kíli. “Do you think that Akhlat thing could have anything to do with those dead whales?”
All right, maybe it wasn’t their division, but Fíli had always liked to speculate.
“What makes you say that?”
“It’s just a hunch, you know.”
“You get hunches now?”
“Well, I watch a lot of Columbo.”
Fíli was just about to give that the acid reply it deserved when Kíli stopped the car. He recognized where they were. The beach where the whales had been. It was empty now, though, he failed to see what they could do here now. All evidence was gone.
“Why have we stopped?”
“That’s Elladan’s car down there!”
*~*
Kíli had a bad feeling as he walked around Elladan’s car. There was no sign of the elf.
“ELLADAN!”
His voice echoed from the cliffs, rivalling the seagulls’ cries. But there was no answer. Even Fíli’s brow was creased now.
“Where could he be?”
Kíli looked inside the car again, spotting the keys in the ignition. The reproduction of a leaf of Lórien, a small reminder of once glorious times, dangling from it.
“Nowhere without his keys.” Or his lucky charm.
The dwarf looked around. Yes. How could he have forgotten? Dior and Nimloth lived right at this beach. He looked at the blond, who seemed inclined to inspect the shore.
“Do you believe in coincidences?”
Fíli took a few steps back towards him.
“Not really, no.”
“Neither do I.” With determination, he reached inside the car and took the keys. “Come on.”
It was a short walk up to the house. Fíli was still wondering what they were looking for. Whoever lived here didn’t answer the door, even after they rang repeatedly and banged on the door it.
Kíli peered inside. “All the lights are on.”
“Hmm …” Before Fíli could answer, Kíli turned around and suddenly seemed to inspect Fíli.
“So how come you’re not in uniform?”
“Em …. It’s Sunday?” He really hadn’t expected to work beyond getting his colleague out of the holding cell.
“Ah.”
“And neither are you.”
That wasn’t too smart. He had locked up Kíli in his civilian clothes the night before (and good thing Kíli hadn’t been getting drunk while in uniform) and from the police station they had directly gone to see Bilbo and Bofur.
Instead of making fun, Kíli just smiled brilliantly. “It suits you. You look nice.”
“I …” Fíli bit his lower lip. He could return the compliment, he would have, had it not been for that stupid flirting attempt.
“The Hobbit is a nice fella, isn’t he?” he said instead.
“Oh …” Kíli scrunched his face up in an imitation of Bilbo. “Positively smashing.”
His English accent was funny, and Fíli had to bite back a smile.
“He’s a proper gentleman. And such polite company.”
“Yeah …” Kíli’s tone let on that he had understood the implication.
They both moved on, peering through the other windows, but couldn’t detect any signs of life.
“He’s a bit like you,” Kíli suddenly continued their conversation. “Married to his job.”
“I’m not …” Fíli took a deep breath. “I take pride in my work. Unlike you.”
His glare was wasted, Kíli had turned away.
“Shhh. I’m working.”
Fíli’s foot caught on something on the ground. He bent down and picked up a broken tile.
“You’re looking in the wrong place, Columbo.”
They found a ladder in the shed. Kíli was happy to let Fíli be the one to climb up. It gave him a first-class view of one of the finest arses he’d ever seen.
“Hold it steady!” Fíli admonished him.
“You’re something else, you know that? Should have joined the army, not the guards.”
He heard Fíli laughing, as the other guard had just reached the roof.
“Stop talking to yourself.”
“I’m not talking to meself. I’m talking to you.”
“Uh-uh. - There’s something up here!”
“Could you be a bit more specific?”
As Fíli had vanished on the roof, Kíli discreetly reached into the pocket of his shirt to retrieve his flask. There wasn’t much left after he nearly emptied it to get the courage to talk to Fíli the night before, but it was better than nothing.
“A shirt! A plaid shirt! Poking out of the chimney.”
“That’s … odd.” Kíli peered up even though he had no chance to see anything that was going on there.
“Ugh! It stinks like that thing! … And it’s stuck on something.”
There was silence, then a loud scream of “Watch out!”
Something heavy landed on Kíli’s head with a thud.
“Mahal! Me nose! What …”
“It’s a head!”
Before the words registered, Kíli looked to the ground. Into the lifeless eyes of Elladan. His severed head beneath a garden chair.
“Are you all right? O’Shea! Kíli?!”
Fíli’s words washed over him.