Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jonathan Kent had learned a lot in his ten years of living. He knew his dad was a solar-powered alien superhero, and as a result, he was 50% solar-powered alien as well. He knew his mom was really smart, and his older brother was really not. (Probably because his mom wasn’t Lois Lane.) He knew where babies came from – Kon was much too eager to tell him that one, saying it was worth the three-month grounding that followed just for the look on Jon’s face. He knew that Bruce Wayne was Batman, and by extension, he knew the identities of the entire Batfamily. He knew that Damian Wayne, his best friend, was smart, independent, and kind of like an evil cat; you had to be quiet, calm, and reassuring, so as not to startle and scare him off. You couldn’t initiate physical contact– Jon had received multiple threats to his life for even grazing fingers with him, and Damian would only put the knife down once Jon had managed to convince him he wasn’t trying to hold his hand (he was. He always was.)– and you had to let him come to you. 

He knew a lot of things about himself, too. He loved superheroes, drawing with Damian, and beating up bad guys. He liked to watch his mom and dad smile at each other, he liked playing Mario Kart with Kon, and he liked school. In school, he liked reading, he liked P.E., and he liked the girl who sat next to him in math class, who always smelled good, laughed at his jokes, no matter how stupid, and helped him when he was stuck on a problem. 

He tried to tell his mom about her, but unfortunately, no one really took his heart very seriously anymore. It’s wasn’t his fault that he also told her about the girl with a nice voice in his english class last week, and the girl that smiled at him everyday as he walked down the hall the week before that, or the girl who would always raise her hand in history class a month ago, or the girl who gave him an extra pencil when he accidentally snapped his in half– ok fine, maybe he did develop crushes a little too easily, but could he help it? They were all so sweet and nice to him! Kon said that he was mixing up admiration for attraction. He said that when you like someone, you feel a swoopy feeling in your stomach, and your heart begins to beat a little faster. You stumble over your words, and your mind goes kind of blank. It sounded like a sickness to him. Maybe Kon just needs to see a doctor. Jon did recognize some of the symptoms, though. He would get a weird feeling in his stomach when he’d see these girls, his vision a little dizzier, the words tumbling out of his mouth faster. What he never expected, however, was for all the symptoms Kon told him about, to hit him all at once when he met Nightwing for the first time. That wasn’t supposed to happen, he doesn’t think.

EARLIER.

“C’mon Damian, please! Once can’t hurt?” Jon’s head was dangling off the bed, his legs up against the wall. Damian was sitting on the floor, back against the bed, face scowling.

“It absolutely can. Even if you did, you know Father doesn’t like metas in Gotham, much less patrolling in Gotham.” He shoves Jon’s head away as he stands up. Jon turns right-side up. 

“I won’t float! I’ll walk everywhere! I’ll do whatever you say! Anything! Just once, please? ” 

“Why do you even want to patrol so bad? You have Metropolis. Focus on your own city superspawn.” Jon pointedly ignores the nickname, too focused on his mission to care.

“You know, Dad doesn’t let me do anything. Batman lets you fight crime for real! I wanna do that too! I want to help. Heck, I don’t even need to help, just let me watch!”

“No.”

“ Please-”

“Your little doe-eyed display isn’t going to help your case, Kent.” Damian rolls his eyes, watching as Jon widens his eyes and lets them get all teary.

Jon jumps to the floor and clasps his hands together, shaking them. “Please, please, please, please, please,” Damian pinches his brow, attempting to stay calm.

“Pleasepleaseplease please pleasepleaseplease,”

Damian takes a deep breath, holds it, and releases shakily.

“ Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseple- ”

He breaks. “FINE, just don’t come crying to me if one of the others tries to shoot you with a kryptonite bullet. My money’s on ToddACK-” Damian releases a strangled noise as Jon jumps onto him, pulling him in to a hug, squeezing as hard as Damian can tolerate. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, I PROMISE you won’t regret this, god, I’m so excited-”

Jon continues to ramble as Damian attempts to escape his grasp. I’m definitely going to regret this.

———

Jon was vibrating. Not literally, but he might as well have been with how excited he was. Tonight, it was just going to be him and Damian on patrol. Of course, Batman would be there, but on a different part of town, something kids couldn’t be a part of, much to Damian’s chagrin. Apparently, one of Damian’s older siblings would be supervising instead, only furthering Damian’s distress, insisting he could handle the patrol alone. Jon didn’t really care, as long as it wasn’t Tim. He didn’t have anything against him, but after accidentally walking in on him and Kon with their tongues down each other's throats, and definitely too little clothing, he wasn’t sure if he could face him without turning bright red. 

He had a few guesses to who it might be. He knew it couldn’t be Jason, because Jason would never take up babysitting duty. He also knew it couldn’t be Duke, since Duke had daytime duty  (Jon was still holding out a little bit of hope that it was Duke; he was always nice to him). Maybe it would be Stephanie? He liked Stephanie too, except for the fact that she would squeeze his cheeks every single time she saw him. It was a little annoying, but he could deal with it if it meant he got to patrol. He didn’t really know the rest of Damian’s family personally. Maybe it would be someone new!

Damian grabs him by the cape, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“C’mon, let's go patrol.” He grumbles as he leads Jon out of the batcave. He must’ve lost the argument with Batman. 

———

It’s quiet for the most part. Well. As quiet as Gotham could be. Jon trails behind Damian in silence, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Jon kicks a rock, his eyes following as it rolls, before it promptly hits the back of Damian’s boot, who has stopped moving. Jon looks up to see Damian standing still, arms crossed, an unimpressed look on his face. Following Damian’s trail of sight, he finds another man, far away, jumping up and down, waving his hands. 

“Tt. Idiot.” Damian mutters as he begins to walk again. “Could he be any less discreet?” He turns when he hears no response, to find Jon floating stationary, his mouth open. 

“What’s wrong with you? Why do you look like that?” Jon doesn’t respond. Damian begins to wave his hand in Jon's face. “Any longer and a bug might fly in.” That gets Jon to unfreeze, his mouth snapping shut promptly. On the long list of things that scared Jon, bugs were number one, circled and underlined in red. 

“Damian..” he begins, his voice not above a whisper, “you didn’t tell me Nightwing was gonna be patrolling with us..” Jon had only ever heard of Nightwing from his dad’s stories, and it was safe to say, second to Damian, Dick Grayson was Jon’s favorite Robin. He hadn’t met Grayson, despite his best efforts, but he always imagined what it was like to meet the original Robin in the flesh.

Damian rolls his eyes, “I told you we were patrolling with my brother. Grayson is my brother. We are patrolling with Grayson. Keep up, Jon.” He begins to drag Jon by his hand, pulling him like he would a balloon on a string. “Trust me, he’s nothing special. Annoyingly clingy, at most.” 

As if to prove his point, Nightwing pulled Damian into a bone-crushing hug the second he was within his reach, Damian’s feet lifting off the ground as he struggled to escape. “ Release me Grayson, this instant!” Dick, of course, ignored him, only squeezing tighter. 

“I missed you so much, Dami! How’ve you been! How’s school?” Damian finally manages to slip out, straightening his uniform as he tries to recover. 

“I’m fine, school’s fine.” It’s at this point that Dick notices the figure behind Damian, staring quietly. 

Jon suddenly understands what Kon was telling him when he said there was a difference between attraction and admiration. The second Jon manages to drag his gaze off the ground to meet Dick’s questioning gaze, his whole mouth goes dry, and his stomach begins to turn so much that he thinks he might puke. His palms get clammy, and all of a sudden it’s as if he had never learnt a word in his life, as if he can’t speak at all. 

“You brought a friend! Who’s this?” Dick asks, tilting his head as he shines a blindingly bright smile. Jon feels faint. 

“He kept begging me for him to join. It’s really annoying.” Damian grumbles. Jon flushes bright red out of embarrassment. “H-hey!” He says indignantly.

He turns to Nightwing, determined to recover from the incredibly embarrassing introduction Damian gave him. 

“H-hello, Mr. Nightwing!” He manages to stutter out. “I hope you don’t mind me joining you guys! I promise I won’t be a burden!” He can feel how warm his face is, and he knows it shows, which only makes him burn more in shame. He can see Damian giving him a strange look in his periphery, but doesn’t dare turn his head to look at him.

Nightwing, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to notice. He lets out something of a squeal before scooping Jon into an embrace, accidentally pressing Jon flush against his chest. 

“Oh, of course it’s okay! Aren’t you just the cutest thing ever? You’re like a little puppy!” Jon doesn’t even know what to say anymore. His limbs feel like jelly, and he’s pretty sure that if Nightwing doesn’t let go of him in the next three seconds, Jon might actually pass out from overheating or his light-headedness. Whichever comes first.

“I.. uh.. Um..” Jon can’t bring himself to form a coherent sentence. Suddenly, Jon is pulled out of his embrace, and Damian is yelling something at Dick that Jon can’t hear, his ears still ringing. Slowly, it softens, letting him catch Dick’s response.

“Sedu- What?” Dick sputters out, “I was just hugging him!” Damian only glares before dragging Jon – who was still catatonic – ahead of him. 

Chapter Text

NOW.

Jon lies awake in his bed. This is weird. He was so sure that all the girls he had thought he liked before were really girls that he liked! His crushes didn't feel fake at the time! After meeting Nightwing, however, he could confirm that.. He shudders at the realization. Kon was… right. He couldn’t think of a single person who made him react as awfully as Dick Grayson had. If that’s how it felt to like someone, Jon didn’t even want to imagine what it was like to love someone. He understood now why Damian always insisted that romance was only a weakness, a fault that lowered one’s guard. All that time, he thought that it was just Damian being a pessimist as usual, but now, as he was still recovering from his limbs turning into literal jelly, Jon figured there was a sliver of truth behind it. 

It didn’t matter anyway. Jon had bigger problems. Dick Grayson was a boy. It’s not like Jon had anything against gay people; Kon liked men, for god’s sake! At the same time, however, his dad didn’t (even if his friendship with Batman was dangerously similar to his relationship with his mom —minus the kissing, hopefully). Jon never even considered the possibility that he could like men. He was pretty sure he didn’t. He’d never really noticed them before, but then again, maybe it was because he never approached them with romantic interest in mind. Despite how open and accepting he knew his family was, he had always had it in his mind that boys were friends and girls were romantic. Hm. He needed to talk to Kon. 

The great thing about Kon, was that he was probably the best brother in the whole world. He knew that Kon and his dad had had a bit of a strained relationship for the first few years Kon was in his life, and Jon had expected Kon to keep him at arm's length as a result. Kon, however, had other plans, as he was all over him from the start, introducing himself as Jon’s big brother. Jon is pretty sure that, to this day, meeting Kon was the best day of his life. He had always wanted a sibling to hang out with, and Kon was the coolest sibling of all! He had a bunch of piercings – he almost pierced Jon’s ear so they could match before his dad walked in and freaked out. They were both grounded for months after that one – he could play around with him without having to hold back his strength, and best of all, he could tell him all about the world. Jon was pretty sure Kon knew everything that had to be known in the history of the world. Like he said before, Kon wasn’t smart, not like his mom, but that was about school and stuff. Kon wasn’t good at math or anything, always refusing to help Jon with his homework, but Kon knew everything that had to be known about the real world , and it was awesome. 

He walks into Kon’s bedroom silently, praying he doesn’t end up walking into something he doesn’t want to see. He thought about listening to make sure Kon wasn’t doing anything, but he didn’t want to get traumatized in that way either. He releases a breath when he sees that Kon is sound asleep in his bed. He crawls onto the bed, scrambling so he’s sitting on top of Kon’s chest. 

“ Kon!” He hisses, shaking him slightly. Kon just lets something of a grumble and rolls over, throwing Jon onto the bed. He barely manages to stay on, almost rolling right off the edge. 

He tries again, shaking him harder, “ Kon! Conner! Wake up! ” Kon blinks one eye open, yelping as he falls out of bed, startled by the glowing bright blue that was staring back at him. 

“ Why couldn’t you have Lois’s eyes?” He mutters as he crawls back into bed. Jon manages to feel guilty enough to give a half-hearted apology.

It takes a minute for Kon to reorient himself before he begins to talk. “So,” Kon starts, as he grabs the clock next to him to check the time. “What was so important that you had to wake me up at 2:37 AM ? Why are you even awake? Isn’t your bedtime 9:30?” 

Jon pauses. He’s not sure why he’s hesitating now. He’s always been able to tell Kon anything but this.. This feels too personal.. Too… he doesn’t really know what.

Kon sees his hesitance and instantly softens, his eyes more alert. “Hey buddy, what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything, right?” He reaches out and pulls Jon into his side, his arm wrapping around Jon's shoulder.

“I know.” Jon says, but he doesn’t say anything else. Kon sits there quietly, waiting. That was another great thing about Kon. He seemed to always just know everything about Jon. Jon never had to verbalize anything; Kon just knew. It gives Jon the push he needs.

“I went on patrol with Damian today.” He starts, still hesitating slightly.

“Oh yeah? I know you wanted to do that for a while. How was it?” Confusing. Weird. Embarrassing. Confusing. Confusing. Confusing.

Tell him about Nightwing. Jon thinks. Just tell him what happened on patrol and leave out all the weird parts. Jon opens his mouth.

“How did you know you liked boys?” Jon blurts out instead, wincing instantly. That was not what he wanted to say. Kon stills slightly by his side, and instantly Jon feels like disappearing on the spot. He can feel Kon’s stare burning into the top of his skull. He doesn’t look, choosing to closely inspect his nails instead. 

Kon takes a deep breath before pulling Jon in closer. “Well, I kind of just always did.” He says, finally looking away from Jon.

“Helpful.” Jon deadpans, and Kon chuckles.

“Yeah, well.. You know I had.. You know I was born different from you, right?” Jon looks up to meet Kon’s face, but Kon is staring off distantly, his eyes kind of glazed over.

“I think it just never really occurred to me, y’know? I wasn’t born with this idea that I needed to end up with a girl, or that the idea of liking girls was ‘normal’ because it was never coded into me that liking otherwise was ‘abnormal.’ I just... Existed . So I didn’t really have any sort of awakening, per se. I just liked who I liked. Cassie, and then Tim.” He looks down at Jon, giving him a look that kind of seems like he’s apologizing for not being able to help.

Jon nods. That did make sense. “But you know, if you need help figuring things out, I still can help.” Kon says, squeezing his shoulder. It’s as if there was a tape on his mouth that’s finally been pulled off, and the entire story spills out, and thankfully , Kon doesn’t laugh. He just sits quietly and listens.

“So yeah. There’s that. I don’t know.” He finishes and looks back up at Kon, who has a knowing smile on his face.

“Sounds like you kind of have it bad for the golden boy kiddo.” He laughs, sitting up to face Jon. “Y’know, I always thought if you were to have a ‘gay awakening’ it would be because of Damian.”

Jon sputters, pulling away. “ Damian? He’s my best friend! What are you talking about?” Maybe he was wrong. Kon doesn’t know anything. He doesn't know anything at all. Damian is his best friend! How could he even think about him like that? Sure, Damian was attractive, you'd have to be blind not to see that. He was smart too, cunning, cold, calculated. Whatever, not the point. The point was that Jon was wrong about his older brother. He might've been stupider than he thought.

Kon just shrugs, “Tim was my best friend too, and well, you saw how that turned out.” Jon’s mind flashes back to the time he walked in on them. 

“Blech. Don’t remind me, that was awful. I actually wanted to bleach my eyes out after that.” Kon just lets out another laugh. 

They sit in silence for a bit. “Does.. does it always feel like that? Liking someone? Like you wanna puke your guts out?” 

Kon gives him a sympathetic smile and nods. “Unfortunately. It does get better if you find out they like you back. Then you just get lightheaded. The sick feeling in your stomach gets tampered down, but only slightly.” 

Jon sighs at that. “I’m never liking someone ever. That was single-handedly the worst experience of my life. ” 

Kon pats his back and gives him another sympathetic smile. “Yeah, well, you can’t really choose that, buddy. Now go to sleep, okay? I feel like I’m about to pass out any second.”

Jon bites his lip in thought before thanking Kon and walking back to his room. No way, I’m never falling in love. He thinks about what Kon said before. Especially not with Damian. 

.

.

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Fuck.