Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

4 days.

It’s been 4 days since Angela basically thrusted Spencer into the back of Tommy’s jacket. 4 days since Tommy turned around and flashed him a smile so bright that he couldn’t help but wince and curl in on himself. He didn’t even realize they were both waiting for him to introduce himself, enough silence passing that Angela grabbed onto his shoulder and spoke for him. She very unsubtly rolled her eyes.

“This is my nerd brother, Spencer. It was a real drag trying to get him to come here. You happy now, Tommy?” She quirked a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Happy? What did she mean by that last part?

Tommy chuckled and looked at him. His face was very warm and welcoming, as his eyes softly connected with Spencer’s. His stomach twisted and he tried not to let the nausea show on his face. His expression became a mesh of an awkward smile and furrowed eyebrows. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about the burning sensation on his cheeks, or the sweat running down his neck and back, or the little shake he felt in his knees, or his hyperactive breathing, or his dry mouth-

He blinked his rapid thoughts away, schooled his face, and tried to get it together. Tommy was just being nice by feigning curiosity about him anyways. Spencer was Tommy’s best friend’s twin brother, of course he wanted to meet him, to make a good first impression, to make Angela happy. So he also played along, for Angela’s sake of course. He silently cursed his big mouth and her audacity. Then, he turned on the charm and trudged through the evening. He cracked the absolute bare minimum of jokes that would let him comfortably land back in the invisible seat after this horrendous excuse for a party ended. Besides, that’s the way Spencer liked it.

***

He’d counted 4 days since Angela offered to take him to meet Tommy at one of her little ‘hangouts’. Since then, things chilled out, went back to normal. Crisis. Averted.

The kind of relief he felt to sit at the back of Calculus class and only see the back of Tommy’s head was frankly, a little embarrassing. It’s not as if Tommy didn’t know Spencer existed, they’d shared classes ever since he and Angela switched schools in Sophomore year. They just… had never spoken before. Besides, he’d never even met Angela’s girlfriend before, so it wasn’t as if he was only specifically avoiding Tommy. Spencer wasn’t sure he ever wanted that to change, no one could judge his thoughts if they weren’t out in the open.

He slid forward in his desk and leaned back into the dappled plastic of the chair. Just as the teacher started droning on about their new unit (somehow even more exponential functions), he reached to unzip the backpack at his feet. He pulled out a few pieces of lined paper and a gnarly pencil that looked like it had been flattened by a roller a few times.

Lightly, shapes began to appear on the first page. Rough guidelines that decided how the subject would be presented, like an oval and some horizontal dividing lines. Spencer looked up for a moment, completely focused in before returning to the page to add in more lines and tones. He continued this pattern almost rhythmically to complete the first sketch. He marked strong facial lines, softened by hints of hair around the jaw and upper lip, glasses that framed dark eyes, hair that just about tickled the back of the neck and finished with sharp lines of the popped collar of a totally cool jacket. He almost immediately moved to another section of the paper to start a new sketch.

Drawing Tommy was ritualistic at this point. From start to finish of the Calculus class they shared together, Spencer drew Tommy. Drew him sitting at his desk, talking with his friends, looking out the window. If there were certain sketches of him in his gym clothes, or of how his hand held a pencil, or even ones of him next to Spencer.. kind of dangerously close to Spencer, maybe so close they were kind of hugging? But they also had their faces very close together—Then just know he had to start getting creative after the first ten pages got filled up.

He continued sketching until the bell rang. As it sounded, he dropped what he was doing and quickly shoved his papers and pencil back into his backpack. Before he got up, he made sure to wait for Tommy to leave ahead of him, almost giving him a headstart out the door. Once he was sure he left enough distance between them, Spencer started to shuffle out of the room with the rest of his classmates.

Just as he saw Tommy make it past the door frame, Angela slipped inside. She didn’t stop to talk to her friend, only greeted him briefly while she continued on. Spencer didn’t notice she was aiming for him until she was right up in his personal space. Her perfume almost choked him with how strong it was, a musky floral scent disguised in a boring black bottle she got from Hot Topic a few weeks ago. Strangely it was very fitting for her.

“How are things with you know who?” She sat on his desk, an amused smile on her lips. Her chains from her skirt clinked when she did, the sound echoing way too loud in the now empty classroom. Spencer just looked at her, a little confused.

“What, with Tommy? We haven’t seen each other since.”

Angela’s face dropped.

“Really? Did you get nervous again?” She stood up and crossed her arms, her eyebrows knitted together. Spencer could tell she was concerned, they basically told each other everything that was going on with them. So he started slowly walking towards the door hoping she’d follow him. It'd take the tension out of the conversation.

“No, I just didn’t want to talk to him again. It’s that simple.” He tried to sound as casual as possible, in part because it was true but also to reassure her everything was fine. Angela caught up with him, pushing herself in front of Spencer so he was forced to stop.

“You’re telling me that one night of getting to know him was enough for you? A years-long crush gone just like that??” Her voice started to raise as she accused him. “I’ve been listening to you whine about my best friend for so long that I couldn’t take it anymore, so I offered very nicely to introduce you both, and you’re just gonna forget about him?!” She emphasized each word with a jab of a finger in his chest, forcing him to take a few steps back.

“No! Angela, I just like to be in control of my own decisions. I can assure you I still really like him, okay?!” Spencer’s voice climbed in pitch as he defended himself. Her frustration was contagious. He felt like he was losing control of the situation, and he couldn’t risk someone else over hearing. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, unclenching his hands at his sides. He hadn’t noticed they were balled up to begin with. Obviously this had become a bit of a sensitive spot for him.

Angela’s face softened as she watched him. “You know I’m just concerned for you Spence, I’m not actually mad.”

He met her gaze as he spoke this time.

“I truly appreciate you doing that for me, I know that it’s probably awkward as hell being stuck in the middle. But I’m doing fine with where I’m at, seriously.”

Angela visibly relaxed and backed down. She looked at her feet and gathered herself, a stray strand of hair falling out of one of the clips she had on.

“Okay, just get some friends you can talk to about this instead of me. God, you don’t understand how weird it is to hear you talk about him like that,” She dramatically closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose for extra effect. Spencer smiled at her antics, the first time he had today. “I’m just being annoying, I don’t really give a shit. I kinda zone out when you get all preachy anyways.” The amused smile was back and she shrugged. He couldn’t help but keep smiling back as well.

“You’re an impossible person.” He shook his head in disbelief and pushed her shoulder just hard enough to let him get past. They fell into step together as they finally left the classroom, Angela giggling to herself.

“Just one last thing, K Spence?”

“Mhm?”

“Someone might regret that you didn’t get to know Tommy better, so just don’t take it out of the realm of possibility, okay?” She looked at him gently as they kept walking.

“Yeah, sure Ang.” The overly sarcastic tone peeved her a bit, so she batted the underside of Spencer’s hat up and over to fall off his head behind him.

Chapter Text

The cafeteria was always an awkward place to navigate, especially if you came in late like Spencer and Angela did. Usually, the former was a loner who’d hole up at the end of a random table and make do, filling the time by playing on his new Nintendo DS. But as the two of them entered, Spencer realized he was pretty much out of luck. There were seven main tables in the cafeteria and the only seats left were squeezed in between two other kids. No can do.

“I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me.” As he turned to leave, Angela perked up and grabbed him by both shoulders, spinning them around so she could guide him forward as they walked.

“Nope! Sorry, you get to sit with me and my friends today.” She pushed him towards the last table on the far left of the hall. On the farther side of the table closest to the windows, Courtney sat near the end with Tommy on her left. Next to him, there happened to be an empty seat. Spencer realized immediately what was going to happen to him. He tried to subtly pry Angela’s hands from his shoulders, but she wouldn’t let go and only sped up towards the group.

“Ang, wait, we just talked about this!” He whispered furiously over his shoulder.

“Hey, what are we having today?” She let go as they came up to the table and happily took her seat across from Courtney. They both came out of their conversation and smiled at Angela.

“Look! It’s pizza day!!” Courtney pushed her tray over to show her the sad mushy store bought pizza. Their many bracelets jangled above the food unceremoniously. Spencer thought she was way too excited to be eating what looked and tasted like cardboard.

When he looked past her, he noticed Tommy was already gazing up at him from where he sat. He wore another one of those relaxed smiles he tended to have. His hair slightly curled around the nape of his neck where it was longer in the back, poking out from the side. The buttery locks shone softly in the sunlight that poured through the huge windows behind him. Spencer couldn’t help but imagine running his fingertips through them, wondering what the warmth of Tommy’s neck would feel like under his hands.

That definitely didn’t make him want to move any closer. It was like his thoughts were slides under a microscope. If Tommy looked too closely, he’d see exactly what Spencer desperately didn’t want anyone to know. He blinked and snapped his eyes away from his hair, up to his face. That wasn’t much better; he was met with an intense stare. He shifted awkwardly on his feet, which caught Angela’s attention again, as if she had just remembered she had a brother. She looked up at him still standing there and decided to give him one last push. What he decided to do with it was up to him; she had no more time for his BS.

”We just came from Calc together so I thought Spencer could join us!” She gestured to him as she spoke, like she was presenting some rare animal on display. It gave him no choice but to take the hint and walk over to the last remaining free seat to squeeze in. He stepped over the round plastic bottom and tried to ignore the crushing confining feeling looming over his right side. He looked away. To the left was a freshman kid he’d never seen before, with their body completely turned away from him, deep in conversation with someone else. It gave him a little extra room to avoid touching shoulder to shoulder, knee to knee with Tommy.

Neither of them said anything.

Courtney offered to go with Angela to get her lunch, so the two of them left, leaving Spencer to fend for himself. Tommy had gone back to eating, and he decided it would be a great distraction to do the same. Just by thinking about it, his stomach churned in protest. It might be difficult to keep anything down with this kind of anxiety. At least from where he sat, he couldn’t see Tommy directly without making an effort, so if he distracted himself from the situation, it could be over before he knew it! He shucked off his backpack and managed to twist around to retrieve his food before dumping the pack behind his seat. He unwrapped his sandwich and focused on eating, keeping the pace of his bites pretty slow.

“Did you take in absolutely any information from class today?”

The voice jolted him back down to where he sat, causing him to lightly clear his throat to avoid choking on breadcrumbs. He tilted his head up and saw Tommy now, where his face had originally been obscured by the brim of his hat. Immediately Spencer knew being this close was bad news.

Tommy’s expression was flat and expectant, an arm on the table to prop up his chin. He was looking directly at Spencer, no doubt the question was for him.

“Uh, not really.” He wondered why Tommy was asking, why he cared. Did he need someone’s notes? By the look of Spencer in his glasses and Dragon Ball shirt, he could understand why people thought they could come to him for answers. Unluckily for Tommy, Calculus was the only class he was failing in.

“Yeah, me neither. The way Mr. S talks is like he’s trying to connect dots between points A and C. Thank god I don’t need the credit to graduate.”

He took a moment to think of something, anything he could say to act casual. So in usual Spencer fashion, a comedic comment.

“Yeah, I don’t even try to act like I’m paying attention anymore, and I assure you I can’t act for shit.”

Yeah, maybe he bit off more than he could chew.

To his surprise, Tommy snorted a laugh through his nose and smiled.

“I think I figured that out when he caught you ‘sleeping’ one time,” Spencer was shocked he remembered that. “Not that he really cared much.”

He was aware he was staring, but nothing could rip his thoughts away from Tommy’s almost-laugh. The joke wasn’t even close to one of his best. If that pulled a chuckle, maybe Spencer could lean in a little harder. Besides, distracting Tommy from how nervous he was right now was definitely the best course of action.

“What do you always do back there anyway?” Tommy asked.

“Drawing mostly. I found out real fast that Mr. S did not like the new and innovative Nintendo DS.”

“Really? I wonder why?” Tommy’s smile grew larger.

“He thought it was an extra wide flip phone the whole time. Cursed the ‘techies at the top’ for creating the closest thing to the modern anti-christ.”

Tommy honked a laugh. “That’s insane.”

“I know right?”

“If he saw the PSP he’d be sent to an early grave, oh my god.”

Spencer couldn’t hold back his giggle as it shook his shoulders. He continued eating his sandwich during their little back and forth, and for once, his mind stopped racing.

After what seemed like an eternity, Angela and Courtney returned with food in tow. As they rounded another table, they saw the boys chatting. Court looked to Angela and shot her a mischievous smile.

“Seems like someone found their in,” They comically nudged her with their elbow. “I think you deserve the Sister of The Year Award for making it happen, Ang.”

“More like the Best Friend of The Year Award.”

“You mean Spencer didn’t..??”

Angela shook her head slowly. Courtney gasped dramatically and took her by the arm, shaking it as they spoke.

“That makes it even more exciting!” They whispered.

Angela focused on not losing her grip on the lunch tray. She looked back at Tommy and Spencer, who had seemed to fall into a casual conversation. She smiled a bit to herself, her brother looked happy.

The two walked back to their table to rejoin the boys. Angela set down her tray across from Court’s and began to eat her own pizza slice. She expected Tommy to turn around and fill them in on what they were talking about, but he continued to lean on the table with his whole body facing Spencer. Obviously, they were very engrossed. She met Courtney’s eyes and realized she had also noticed the same thing. They smiled knowingly, and didn’t bother them.

“So what do you usually draw?”

Spencer had finished his lunch and was now without a distraction from Tommy. This close up, he silently noted a few visual details he would need to add in his next sketch.

“Uh.. anime stuff mostly,” He awkwardly nodded. That was not on the table for sharing, time to change course. “Hey, do you like Pokémon?”

“Yeah actually, I love it!” Tommy seemed happily surprised to hear him mention it. Spencer wouldn’t tell him he saw the porygon keychain on his bag. The conversation was actually going well enough that he felt like could get to know a bit more about Tommy.

“Which is your favourite game?” He asked.

“I like the original. Generation one, I guess? I played Blue. It’s got my favourite Pokémon of all time so I’m probably just biased. What about you?”

“I think I’m the same, I have Red though. Who’s your favourite Pokémon?”

“Porygon, I’m a big fan of weird little guys.”

“That makes a lot of sense, it fits you.”

Tommy chuckled, “Thanks.”

They sat in silence for a moment, Spencer felt awkward.

“Oh, do you still bring your DS to school?”

“Uh, yeah.. why?”

“Can you show me what you’re playing right now?” His eyes were sparkling. It knocked the air out of Spencer’s lungs.

“Uh-huh, sure…”

He reached behind to grab his backpack again and unzipped the side pocket. He took out his white DS and turned back to Tommy, unfolding the console. He pressed the on button and they quietly watched the start up screen together. His current game clicked open, one that Tommy also recognized. As he started up his save file he listened to Tommy’s enthusiatic rendition of his own playthrough. Spencer’s body relaxed and he smiled to himself.

He thinks he’d like Tommy as a friend.

Chapter Text

10 days after Spencer first spoke to Tommy, they were back in their late morning Calculus class. The drawing collection continued to grow, at a more rapid pace than before. The resemblance only got closer as he’d been able to study Tommy’s likeness more. Now he got to see him up close everyday, and it satisfied Spencer’s need for perfectionism in his art. The rush he got as he drew them both together was electric, the picture-perfect Tommy staring down into sketchy Spencer’s eyes now brought a heat to his cheeks.

When he looked up from his paper, to his muse, he was met with a pair of eyes. Tommy noticed him drawing, probably thinking he was brushing off class by drawing Dragon Ball fanart or something. He smiled at Spencer from his seat at the front of the classroom. It felt like a secret, no one else was involved in this moment but the two of them. Just in case he could somehow see, Spencer found himself covering up the drawing with his hand and awkwardly waving with the other. Though embarrassment burned his ears, he returned Tommy’s smile.

Tommy turned back around once he was satisfied, refocusing on whatever jargon Mr. S was trying to communicate to the class. Spencer tentatively returned to his drawing. It had started to feel strange doing something like this behind Tommy’s back. It was the only way he knew how to deal with his feelings about him, and now that they spent time together almost everyday, it was vital he do something to cope. He didn’t want to do or say anything he’d regret and accidentally ruin their friendship. But now the churning he felt in his stomach wouldn’t go away until Calculus was over and Tommy was gone. The shamelessness of having those thoughts while he was 15ft away and unaware was slowly eating at him.

Spencer was pulled out of his thoughts when he saw Tommy look back at him again. He figured he must also be bored out of his mind, so maybe he could try to do something about that. Plus, part of him would be reassured by hearing him laugh, so he shuffled a fresh piece of paper to the top of the pile and began to write. Tommy watched his movements curiously, intently waiting for him to finish.

A few moments later, Spencer flipped the paper upright to show him.

‘gna convince him boobs in my calculator is satans work so we cant do sine n tan anymore’

He saw Tommy’s eyes trace over the words before he smacked a hand over his mouth, turned to face the front of the classroom again and tried so desperately not to make a sound. His shoulders shuddered from the chaotic silent laugh he had to contain, squeezing his eyes shut to fully focus on not letting it out.

Spencer smirked as he watched him suffer, way too proud of what he’d done. He thought Tommy’s reaction was cute, how he could barely hold back a laugh that would confuse everyone else in the room. He’d never tell anyone just who had ripped it out of him, nor what Spencer wrote to cause it. It was another one of their secret moments, and the thought brought a warmth to Spencer’s chest.

The lunch bell eventually rang out and Spencer packed up his papers as usual. For the last few days, he’d continued to sit with Tommy, Angela and Courtney for lunch instead; it was a nice change. Occasionally, a few of their other friends joined too, like Chanse, Shayne or Arasha. He found he didn’t mind the company too much, and had judged some of his classmates a bit too harshly. Seeing them let loose with friends brought them down to a level Spencer could understand. Here he could actually feel appreciated, maybe even wanted in a friend group.

Tommy came over to Spencer’s desk as he was shoving the last of his things into his backpack. He perched himself on top of the table with one leg hanging down the side, looking down at Spencer rifling through his bag.

“I can’t believe you did that to me,” Spencer zipped up the backpack and turned in his seat to listen. “I was unbelievably close to getting in trouble.” He had to look up so far to meet Tommy’s eyes, damn his six foot tall ass.

“I’m sorry that you find me so funny.”

“That joke is so stupid, only you could’ve made it funny.”

Spencer’s neck started to ache from the angle, but he refused to look down from Tommy’s face and be met with his ass on his desk. They’re friends now, right? He should act like one and not look at the way those jeans perfectly fit his legs. He pushed it down.

“You liked the same bit a week ago and you barely knew me.” A smug smile appeared on his face.

Tommy crossed his arms and his eyes flicked away, trying not to show his reluctant smile. “Well then maybe it’s your face that’s funny, bub.” He replied softly. Spencer felt like he got gut punched. Awkwardly, he scrambled out of his chair. He couldn’t be below Tommy for much longer, not with whatever that was replaying in his mind. He cleared his throat quietly, feeling it get dryer by the second.

“Fine by me,” His voice trailed off as he hoisted his backpack around his shoulders. “God damn…” He started away from Tommy and looked back to grin through his teeth. “So, uh lunch?”

***

20 days since Spencer met Tommy; he sat in his ‘98 Toyota Corolla in the school parking lot, waiting for Angela. He was getting restless, eager to go home, eat some good food and crash on the couch playing video games until the early morning hours—as was the plan for every weekend. But he also had to drive Angela home, and she always took her sweet time saying goodbye to her girlfriend, Courtney. It was the worst when they weren’t going to see each other until the following week.

He sighed as he finally saw her emerge from the side door and trot down the steps. She was practically bouncing, something not exactly uncommon for her. Spencer started up the car and got ready to zoom off. Angela opened the rear passenger door and threw her bag onto the seat. She pushed the door closed firmly, making sure it shut properly, and climbed into the front.

“I keep forgetting to use the other side, did it shut this time?” She asked him as she struggled to not get the seatbelt caught on all her jewelry. Spencer checked his side before pulling away from the curb.

“Yeah, I heard it click.” He replied.

“Okay great,” Angela turned to him in her seat with a big grin. “Did you hear about the event schedule today?”

“Uhhh, that would be a negative.”

“Yeah maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, but Court’s in the student council so she gets all this stuff early, and she told me that Prom’s happening like real soon! I’ve already got so many ideas for a promposal for them.” She was waving her hands around excitedly as she explained.

“Oh, cool. Sounds like it’ll be fun.” He remained focused on driving, he never liked the idea of a school wide event. He could tell Angela was super pumped though, and was happy she could at least enjoy her senior year.

“Right? I was thinking we could do a cute double date thing,”

Spencer gripped the steering wheel tight. He whipped his head around to take a look at Angela quickly, just to see if she was being serious. “I mean we don’t have to do the matching twin thing, but I like the group prom pictures people do.”

“Ang, what the hell are you talking about??”

“Like we go pick up Court and Tommy and all go together.” She was being serious.

Spencer felt heat spread all over his body. He immediately regretted ever mentioning this ‘crush’ to her.

“I- why would I go with Tommy?! We’re just friends now.”

“I thought you changed your mind and started playing the long game. Is that not why you started hanging out at school together?” Now Angela was intensely confused.

“No, I’m being normal about us being friends. I- I’m not messing it up!” His voice grew thin, almost catching in his throat. He could see their house now, and couldn’t wait for this conversation to be over with.

Angela looked at him gently as they rolled up onto the driveway. Spencer stopped the car and turned the key, engulfing them in silence. They both sat there, frozen in the tension of the unsaid.

“Spence.”

“mhm.” He replied, barely audible.

“...Would you wanna ask him?”

Spencer looked down, sort of unfocused on anything. The brim of his hat cast a shadow that hid most of his face. He eventually nodded.

“I just.. don’t want to weird him out and make him not want to be friends with me anymore. I’ve liked him for so long and now all of a sudden, we talk at school everyday, I make him laugh and we play video games together… I don’t want to lose that.”

“You’re not gonna know unless you go for it, Spence.”

“And that’s what scares me, is that I don’t know for sure.”

Angela bit her lip, forcefully cutting herself off. He didn’t deserve to hear it from her, that wasn’t her place. She thought hard for a moment, then took Spencer by the shoulder.

“Hey, I don’t know of any other friends Tommy has. Chances are, he may end up not having anyone to go with. If you care about him, even just as a friend is enough, then ask if he’d like to tag along with you. You don’t need to make it sound like it’s anything, but keep an open space for him if he needs it,” She tried to look him in the eye, but his damn hat was in the way again. She grabbed it off his head and they finally met eyes. “If you stay in your own head too much, bud, you might miss something important out here.”

Spencer didn’t say anything. Instead, he leaned over the center console and hugged Angela tightly. She made a little “oof” sound and wrapped her arms around him. She smiled to herself and gently rubbed his back, her bracelets jingling the only sound in the small car. Spencer breathed deeply against her shoulder before they pulled back. He pushed his glasses up his nosebridge and awkwardly smiled.

“Those were some pretty impressive lines.” He chuckled to himself. Angela, still holding onto his hat, threw it at him before she slid deeper into her seat and crossed her arms.

“I was being serious. Cause I’m supposed to care about you or whatever.” She sulked.

That only drew a bigger laugh out of Spencer. He put his hat back on over his curls.

“I know, I’m sorry. I do appreciate it, Ang,” He took what she said to heart; focusing on avoiding the one thing he was scared of would inevitably hurt someone else. Closing himself off was the comfortable solution to his problem for years, but now something was expected of him and he had to fulfill that. What Tommy didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, as long as Spencer didn’t let it, right? “So how should I ask him?”

Chapter Text

The following Monday, Spencer arrived at school late. Not exactly on purpose, but it’s not like he tried too hard to avoid it. The video gaming over the weekend became serious and he got carried away on Sunday night, so he went to sleep pretty late. The non-stop playing definitely wasn’t to avoid thinking about a certain someone he needed to ask a certain something—or something. Nope, Spencer actually fully thought through his promposal plan, with Angela’s help of course. In fact, she helped maybe a bit too much, and ended up coming up with over ten different ways he could ask Tommy out. They were not subtle in the slightest.

So Spencer decided on something simple and true to himself: a hand-drawn promposal sign with no romantic subtext involved whatsoever. That way, there’d be no pressure that Tommy needed to accept, he would avoid embarrassment, and it’d still make Tommy feel like he was getting the full prom experience. Spencer was glad Angela could bring him back down to earth and see that his relationship with Tommy was now a two way street. She always had never been afraid to get down on his level when he needed it, and he really appreciated that.

Angela was not so appreciative of them being late to school though. She had planned to get there early so she could catch Courtney before classes started. Setting up for her promposal would’ve been way easier that way, so to say she was pissed was an understatement. Spencer had apologized profusely because he really didn’t mean to make them run late, but she wasn’t having it. He suggested she leave third period early to set up ready for lunch time and all he got was a mumbled answer he couldn’t quite make out. Either way, he knew she didn’t need to worry about Courtney saying no, so her mood was guaranteed to be improved by the next time he saw her.

***

Once again, Spencer sat in the back of Mr. S’ calculus class. Except this time, he was only focused on one thing: what he would say to Tommy. His goal was to be direct and concise, but casual and sweet. Easier said than done considering his current level of anxiety. Tommy must’ve also detected something was up with him today because when he turned to look at him, his eyes lingered for a moment. Spencer wasn’t doodling as usual, which he definitely noticed. He just hoped his nervousness wasn’t painfully obvious, so he kept his eyes focused forward and tried to distract himself from the nausea for the remainder of the class.

The dismissal bell startled Spencer in his seat, causing him to emerge from his thoughts a little dazed. The other students and Mr. S whizzed out of the classroom as he stayed behind. Tommy turned to look back at him, so he waved him over as he got up. He stood to the side of his desk with his backpack on top of it and tried to give him a small smile.

“Hey bub, what’s going on?” Tommy returned the smile. Their only separation was the desk between them.

Spencer pushed down everything that threatened to bubble up to the surface. He was starting to shake, so he breathed in deep.

“Hey Tommy, uh- did you know that prom’s next week?” He had no time to waste.

Tommy’s eyes widened just slightly.

“Yeah, are you excited about it?” He asked, leaning one hand on the edge of the desk.

“I guess so, I’ve never actually been to something like it before,” Spencer’s eyes flicked to Tommy’s hand. “But um, I was wondering if- if you didn’t already have someone to go with, then maybe..” His voice tumbled over itself as he reached over to quickly unzip his backpack. “Maybe we could-” He yanked on the paper hard until it suddenly came free. With it, a bunch of other papers spilled out from the bag onto the desk. His drawings of Tommy were on the desk.

Spencer didn’t finish his sentence. Frozen solid, he stared at the mess. Dozens of lined papers filled to the brim with sketches of Tommy, including him with Tommy, were out in the open.

He scrambled to grab as many as he could and shoved them back into the recesses of his backpack, not caring if he ruined any in the process. He felt Tommy’s eyes on him as his legs shook. He didn’t bother to retrieve every single one, just threw his bag around his shoulders and mumbled to the floor,

“Just forget I said anything..” He ran out of the room and didn’t look back.

***

Spencer’s breaths came ragged and shallow as he sat on the lid of a toilet in the bathroom. He chucked his backpack off and leaned his elbows on his knees, shutting his eyes tight. Every sensation was creeping up on him inside the grimy stall. He couldn’t even tell if he was alone in the bathroom, and wasn’t sure he cared. He ran his hands over his face as he repeated his fuck-up over and over again in his mind. ‘What Tommy didn’t know couldn’t hurt him, as long as he didn’t let it.’ Well, Spencer let the cat out of the bag and now it was going to ruin everything. Not only did Tommy know he liked him, he knew exactly what kind of creepy crush he had on him. He could never face him again, that much was certain.

He lifted his head up and slowly opened his eyes. Now, he could hear his breathing as the anxiety faded away. Without the cortisol flowing through his body, he was left with a deep aching in his chest. He had never intended to show Tommy how selfish he was, prom was meant to be for him! Spencer felt like he’d failed as a friend. He was embarrassed and disgusted with himself. Seeing all his drawings laid out like that made him sick; the reality of what he’d been doing almost crashed down on him.

He knew he couldn’t go to lunch and risk running into Tommy there, so he sat and waited for the rest of the lunch period just to be sure. He didn’t feel very hungry anyways. When the next bell rang, he left the bathroom and slowly made his way to the second floor for his English class. He had never ran into Tommy after lunch before, but now he was on high alert, as if he could be behind any corner, just waiting to yell at him for how gross he was. His focus waned for the rest of the day.

***

The car ride home was sullen. Angela had been super excited to tell Spencer about her own promposal. She was disappointed that he wasn’t there to see it, but willing to recite every detail to him as soon as she opened the door to the car. She told him she had set up her keyboard from band class in the cafeteria about ten minutes before lunch period, and burst into song once she saw Court had entered the hall. Obviously, it went off without a hitch and now the two of them were set to go to prom together next Friday. Spencer wanted to be happy for her, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything more than, “Congrats.” Before he turned back to the road.

Angela then noticed something was off. In her excitement to tell him how well everything went, she became distracted. She recognized that today was crucial for him too, but she didn’t expect any outcome other than a huge yes from Tommy. So what exactly happened that destroyed Spencer’s spirit? Her curiosity begged to ask him, but she knew this wasn’t the time to pry, and they fell into silence for the rest of the drive home. Besides, she could always ask Tommy tomorrow.

Chapter Text

“Spence, please! You’ll only have to drop us off and then we could get a ride home if it ends too late,” Angela stood across from Spencer in her satin-esque black dress, lacey fingerless gloves inching up her arms and her hardy old converse. “It would be a pretty big asshole move to make two girls walk to prom.” She folded her arms as she added that last part, rather dramatically.

“I wasn’t seriously gonna do that, I’m just paranoid.” Spencer ran a hand over his face as the other sat on his hip.

“Look, you can do what you want with your life, but you tearing yourself apart just to avoid him is difficult to watch. And you haven’t even given him a chance to react to the situation!” She waved her hands about as she spoke, frustrated.

“Angela, I can’t even admit to myself how I feel, how can I face Tommy telling me how I made him feel?” His voice grew desperate. “Can we just move on, and leave? Otherwise you and Courtney will be late..” Spencer turned away and made for the front door, his keys jingling in his hand. Angela sighed and followed.

Since Spencer had horrifically embarrassed himself, he’d been skipping Calculus class every day by waiting in the bathroom. He essentially jogged between classes, ate lunch in the bathroom, and left no time for Tommy to potentially catch him. It was better this way, he could leave Tommy in peace after subjecting him to his cringiness, and it wouldn’t be too long until he never had to think about Spencer again. Graduation was only a month away, so whatever he did now didn’t really matter anyways. He was going to fail Calculus either way, plus the rest wasn’t far from his original routine at school, so it seemed to him that he just had to deal.

Only that Angela wasn’t having it. He hadn’t even told her what had happened this time—he couldn’t bring himself to. But she always knew when something was up and must’ve talked to Tommy about it. Her best friend probably told her all about how weird it was, and Spencer being her brother, she must have felt incredibly embarrassed. That was why she continually pestered him to go see and talk to Tommy. Spencer knew it was only right to apologize, but just the thought of opening up about his drawings made his stomach churn. Prom night only stirred his anxiety, but he’d never leave Angela out to dry, not even if he was terrified. She deserved to have the prom of her dreams, with the girl of her dreams. Why she was still thinking about his failed crush, enough to start another argument was beyond him.

He unlocked the car and they both settled in. The only light shining inside was from the last sliver of sun poking out from behind their house. Courtney had expected them fifteen minutes ago, so luckily Spencer had good reason to get them moving. Sweat brewed under his hands on the steering wheel, so he took turns switching with one hand at a time to wipe it onto his jeans. He could never be genuinely mad at Angela, only frustrated when they didn’t see eye to eye. He took the drive carefully, and it had relaxed him by the time they arrived at Courtney’s house. Tonight was for them, and he wanted to make sure Angela felt that, so he took some deep breaths to clear his mind and ground himself in the present.

Angela got out of the passenger’s seat and excitedly made her way up the stairs to Courtney’s front door. She rang the door bell twice and then stepped back to wait. He saw her turn back to the car and shoot him a smile and a thumbs up. Spencer enthusiastically returned it and she instantly relaxed, her shoulders dropping. After a moment, the door opened and Courtney came out to give Angela the most suffocating hug.

Their dress was A-line, pink and tied at the back in a bow to secure it without sleeves. They had white buckled heels and what looked like some sprayed pink tips in their hair. The two of them looked like the most mismatched pair, and that’s what made them perfect. They embraced each other for a while longer before Courtney stepped back inside to grab her purse, and shout to someone in the house, letting them know she was leaving. She then closed the door behind them as they left down the front stairs. They walked to the car together while holding hands and wearing the biggest smiles on their faces. It was contagious.

Angela opened the rear passenger door for Courtney and they sat inside, wriggling to adjust their skirt in the tiny car. Angela heaved her weight on the door to secure it closed—it was still busted.

“Hi Spencer, thanks for driving us!” He turned around in his seat to meet Courtney halfway and smiled.

“Yeah, of course, it’s no problem. You look amazing by the way.”

She smiled back. “Aw, thank you.”

Angela got into the other backseat and they were off. The two passengers excitedly talked and giggled for the whole ride, Spencer jumping in to add a comment here and there. Courtney brought a disposable camera in their purse and they took a few pictures together before they arrived—it was sweet.

They rolled up and stopped at the far end of the parking lot, where the only space was left. Spencer was forced to awkwardly park rather than just drop them off at the doors, to avoid stopping in the way of other prom-goers trying to get into the parking lot. Angela made a fuss of getting out first so she could open the door for Courtney, who just giggled at her. They both stepped out and walked back over to Spencer’s side where he rolled down his window.

“Don’t worry about asking someone for a ride, I’ll come get you guys. When does it end?”

Angela looked relieved. “At 10, thanks again Spence!” They both waved as they walked away. Spencer sat and watched them make their way across the parking lot. As they walked up to the steps to the doors, he saw another group come up behind them. From where he sat, his view was mostly blocked by a few cars in front. As far as he could tell, the group included Chanse, Arasha, Shayne and another taller guy in a bandana. He assumed he must be the date of somebody in the group. Angela and Courtney turned to greet them, giving hugs and warm smiles all around. Angela disappeared from Spencer’s sight behind the cars for a moment, and then reemerged with an extra person by her side: Tommy. His stomach dropped. 

Watching them carefully, he turned his key and started up the car. He had done what he needed to do, and would be back at 10pm to do the same. The lights inside his Corolla fully came to life, causing him to realize just how dark it was outside. Now squinting against the reflections, he looked back to check if they’d gone inside. Instead, he saw Angela look over to where he was parked and point, leading Tommy’s eyes to look almost directly at him. It must’ve been easy to pinpoint him in the only car with brights on. Spencer’s breathing stopped as he stared. He waited for them to turn back to the others, to walk up the steps and go inside the school, but then he saw Tommy jogging across the parking lot towards him.

“Shit…”

Spencer reluctantly watched him. He was in a dark grey matching tux, well fitted with a forest green bowtie and pocket square. He wasn’t wearing his glasses as usual, and trodded in new shoes. Honestly, Spencer thought he looked way too nice just for prom—it was intimidating. Hands in his pant pockets, he caught up to the car and bent over to look in through the window. Spencer swallowed, then rolled it down. Tommy’s eyebrows creased as he awkwardly stood there.

“It’s a little chilly out here... can I hop in to talk?” His tone was gentle. Spencer looked away.

“Yeah sure.” He rolled the window back up as Tommy walked across the front of the car to the passenger’s side. It was a late spring evening: it wasn’t actually cold outside at all. But he assumed Tommy would prefer to have this conversation privately, so he didn’t question it. Angela and her friends had gone inside, leaving the rest of the parking lot quiet, dark and empty.

Tommy sat down next to him and folded his legs inside. He rubbed his hands on his pants a few times. Neither of them said anything for a few moments, almost acclimating to sharing the same space again. Spencer killed the engine, then looked down at his lap and focused on his breathing. The interior lights turned off, causing the car to feel even more isolated.

“Hi.” Tommy started, looking over at him.

“..Hi.” Spencer replied.

“I’m sorry if you didn’t want to see me today. But I had to see you.”

Spencer didn’t dare move, fully prepared to take the brunt of what Tommy had to say. His hands shook in his lap, so he clasped them together to keep them steady.

“...”

“Um, how long have you been drawing me?”

There it was, the reality of it all. Spencer lifted his head slightly and took a deep breath.

“I.. I’m not exactly sure. Uh, at least two years…” He spared a look at Tommy. His eyes were intense: this was serious. “I- I can show you the rest of them. They’re all in- in here.” He wasted no time before he desperately unbuckled his seatbelt and twisted into the backseat to grab his backpack. He unzipped the main compartment and started taking out his lined papers in handfuls, laying them on the dashboard, on the center console and offering the rest to Tommy sheepishly.

Tommy only watched carefully. His eyes widened at the sheer amount of pages. He flipped through the ones Spencer directly gave him, taking his time. There were dozens of sketches of his headshot from different angles, with many expressions and outfits. It was clear this had been happening for a while, the improvement was obvious and consistent. The most recent of the bunch looked almost hyper-realistic. Then there were the scattered few that included Spencer himself, hugging each other, holding hands, kissing. Tommy’s face grew warmer.

“I’m sorry that you felt embarrassed, I could tell it was an accident,” Tommy’s tone was so soft, like he was gearing up to say something else. Spencer curled in on himself. “These are actually really good.”

It was like Spencer was hit with a brick to the head, his senses went out of order. He looked at Tommy directly.

“What?”

“I kept the ones that you left on your desk because I thought they were really pretty,” Tommy continued as he looked at the drawings, almost fondly. Sweat ran down Spencer’s neck, it definitely wasn’t a cold night. He knitted his eyebrows, confused. “I missed you, bub.”

Spencer fisted his jeans, his face was red hot.

“Why didn’t you think you could talk to me?” Tommy asked him, putting the papers down and meeting his eyes. Spencer swallowed hard.

“Because this is creepy, and weird.”

“I don’t think so. You’re very skilled and it’s flattering… cute even.” He almost whispered, and finally smiled. Spencer felt like he was hit again and this time, something short-circuited.

“You don’t hate me for doing this? Fo- for.. liking you?” He stared in disbelief.

“No. I just wished you didn’t hide it from me,”

Spencer couldn’t get his thoughts in a line. He had been fully convinced there was only one outcome in this situation. There should be, but maybe while he was inside his own head, he’d missed something on the outside. Just as Angela said… And now the possibility of what this could mean—he couldn’t handle it. He didn’t know what to say either.

“I was hoping to catch you after and ask you what you were going to ask me. But you made it pretty impossible.” Tommy huffed a laugh and looked at Spencer, hopeful.

“So you also-”

“Yes! I like you back, Spence. I thought it was painfully obvious.”

It was as if Spencer’s heart grew three sizes bigger with how much blood was pumping through him. His blush made him lightheaded. But then he smiled. It bubbled up from his gut, something he couldn’t help but let out. It was like relief; all the tension just floated away from his body.

“No, it was definitely not obvious,” He chuckled and saw Tommy visibly release a breath he was holding. “It was kinda killing me, man.”

“I’m sorry, you were the one who cut all contact with me so I couldn’t tell you.”

“I was too terrified.” Spencer looked away for a beat.

“Terrified of what?”

“Of you feeling disgusted by me.”

“You never would have known for sure.”

Spencer leaned over in the tiny space and wrapped his arms around Tommy’s middle, burying his face in the grey of his suit jacket, causing his hat to fall off into the car. He heard Tommy let out a small gasp, then return the hug. His cologne poured into Spencer’s nose and filled his lungs. It was familiar and warm. He had never been this close to Tommy before, and now he was sure he never wanted to be anywhere else. He grasped the back of the jacket, as Tommy started to run a hand through the curls at the nape of his neck. The light scratching sensation caused a prickle down his neck. He breathed out.

They pulled away and looked at each other, the only light shining in from the moon. Tommy’s hand was still brushing his hair, keeping him close. Spencer feared his heartbeat was too loud, that it would break the moment between them. His hazel eyes gazed up at Tommy, simply taking him in.

“Do you wanna bring one of these drawings to life?” Tommy said barely above a whisper, smirking just slightly. Spencer looked from his eyes to his lips, back to eyes and his lips again. He tried to give a rough nod.

“Yeahh..” He breathed.

Tommy let go of Spencer’s head, and pushed him back into the driver’s seat. He struggled his way over the center console, scrambling over the papers still strewn all about the car. He hovered above Spencer’s lap, then reached down between the seat and the door to move the seat backwards and offer more space. As he fully straddled Spencer’s thighs, he leaned down and held his face in his hands. Tommy’s face inched close, before he stopped and looked Spencer in the eye, awaiting permission. Spencer managed another nod and pushed up to desperately meet him. Tommy obliged and finally pressed their lips together.

Spencer shook all over and closed his eyes, trying to relax. The warmth from Tommy’s mouth was too much, but he needed it badly. He tilted better to kiss him fervently but his glasses pressed uncomfortably hard between them. He didn’t care and didn’t stop, continuing to move his lips against Tommy’s. Frustrated, Tommy reluctantly pulled away and reached up to pull them off, hooking them in the neckline of Spencer’s t-shirt.

He quickly returned, releasing a breath into Spencer’s mouth. A hand brushed through and lightly held onto his curls to push them deeper into one another. Spencer felt dizzy as he snaked his hands around Tommy’s waist to embrace him closer. All the sensations were overwhelming, like fire was running through his veins. He had imagined taking Tommy in his mouth and hands so many different ways; now that he could have him, he didn’t know what to do first.

He grunted at the pulling on his neck and used the opportunity to take a breath. Tommy took the invitation to deepen the kiss and licked Spencer’s bottom lip, cupping his chin with his other hand. This drew a muffled moan from him as he continued to grasp at Tommy’s jacket. They moved together fast and needy, trying to feel and taste everything they had been missing before. Tommy drew back and breathed hard. His lips were red and shiny.

“Will you- hah, go to prom with me?” Tommy asked, his pupils blown wide.

“Yes..” He huffed out a laugh and smiled perfectly wide. Tommy happily returned it. He pressed his face into the front of the tux and breathed him in. “I’m incredibly underdressed though.” Spencer mumbled. Tommy giggled under his breath and petted the mess of dark hair on top of his head.

“I don’t care, I think you look perfect. I just wanna have fun with you tonight.”

Spencer looked back up at him, at that gentle gaze in his eyes, and it was all he wanted to do as well.

“Okay, let’s hope we’re not too late.” He replied.

Slowly Tommy moved away and managed to climb back into the passenger’s side so they could exit the car into the night. Spencer stumbled slightly, struggling to balance on legs that felt like jelly beneath him. He slowly walked it off as they met at the front of the car, and he locked the Corolla. A giddy smile was plastered on his face. Tommy lightly pushed his shoulder and laughed before he started walking across the parking lot ahead of him. He turned back for a moment.

“Come hold my hand, silly.” He reached out with a grabby motion. Spencer caught up and took his hand, feeling the warmth spread through him again.

As they took their time, Spencer looked at their hands and smiled to himself. He tried to shake off any last remaining nerves, and breathe in the crisp fresh air to ground himself in the present. When he felt an urge, he didn’t shut it down. Instead, he was hopeful.

“Tommy?”

“Yeah bub?”

“You look super handsome by the way.”

Tommy flushed and smiled. “Thanks, Spence.”

“Would you be my boyfriend?”

Tommy gazed at him with that warm and welcoming look as he had before. Spencer didn’t think it looked like pity anymore, but fondness.

“I’d love to.” Tommy said as he squeezed Spencer’s hand in his.

They made their way up the concrete steps, and Tommy opened the door so they could walk into the gym hall. It was loud and bustling, with neon disco lights flashing and shooting in every direction. Tommy led them over to the drinks table; they didn’t release their hands.

Across the way, Angela stood with Courtney against the wall, huffing out breaths, recovering from their last dance together. She spotted the far doors as they opened and saw faint moonlight shine in. As they closed behind, she saw Tommy and Spencer enter the gym together, hand in hand. Immediately, she lit up and tapped Court on the shoulder to get their attention, then pointed in the boy’s direction excitedly. They followed her finger until they found what she was looking at, then turned to face Angela with a big smile and wide eyes.

As Spencer took his cup from Tommy, he gazed out to take in the room. Big events and high energy wasn’t really his style, but he could care less where he was right now. Looking over to the far side, he spotted Angela, Courtney and their friends. When she realized he could see her, she crossed her arms all smug-like and shot him an overdramatic wink. Spencer chuckled to himself, and squeezed Tommy’s hand to get his attention. He nodded in the girls’ direction and together they walked over to meet them.

Maybe Angela had a point all along…