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I guess I just can't never win, can I...?
I tried everything: obedience, disobedience and uninvolvement.
Nothing ever works.
I never wanted things to get to this extent, how could I? All I ever wanted was to protect people's smiles, to smile with them, knowing I did my best to keep others safe so no smile would fade by the lost of a loved one.
I thought that man actually cared about me, that he actually saw me as his son, that his support was because he genuinely saw potential in my dream...
But I was too naive to question about his methods because "everyone plays dirty in this industry", too soft to go against him because I owed him because all of his support. Too scared of being left alone again that I was desperate to make him stay happy with me even though it hurt.
And it hurts so damm much...
I don't want to keep up with this, I can't take it anymore — But I have to.
I can't just go away, he'd find me sooner or later and he'd kill me.
I don't want to die, not that way... Not consumed by Fear, not without being myself — but who am I? At this point, if I'm not Nice, what's left of me? Sometimes it's hard to even remember my own name, the face of my parents, their voices...
My mind is the only thing I have left — I'm so scared of losing it too...
I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm SCARED, I'M SCARED, I'M SCARED.
There's people who has seen how he talks to me, how he grabs me how he hurts me — but they do nothing... Why nobody does anything?!
So insignificant I am to them? Am I really nothing more than an ornament? An empty doll they just move the way they need to so their job will be done and they'll be able to continue with their lives?
It hurts... I'm invisible.
It hurts... I try to save them. It doesn't work.
It hurts... I try to disobey. He dies because of me.
It hurts... I just step aside so it's not my fault. It still is.
It hurts... I can feel the fear sticking into my skin. I'm scared.
It hurts... Everyone gets higher up because of me but I stay behind.
It hurts... I didn't want to do any of this, but everyone hates me now.
It hurts... But he can get punished if I truly rebel.
It hurts... Everything I've done, all the pain I caused and all my suffering — it was for nothing!
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it huRTS, IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS.
WHO AM I? WHAT AM I? IS THERE A REASON FOR ME TO EXIST?!
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts it... Doesn't hurt...
The skies are clear: blues, pinks, oranges and gold tint it... I can breathe.
It doesn't have to continue anymore, it doesn't have to hurt anymore... It won't hurt anymore.