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“I thought I’d find you here.”
Emily scoffed softly and raised her glass to him. “You win.” She drawled, already halfway to being very pleasantly drunk.
“What do I win?” he asked with a smile.
Emily shrugged. “The once in a lifetime opportunity to buy you r Agent a drink?” She offered a cheesy grin to sell the point.
“You know drinking won’t help?”
She half turned to regard him – her boss. Her friend. “Depends.”
Hotch sighed and slid onto the bar stool beside her. “I know what happened.”
Another scoff as she raised her glass to no one and drank again.
“It sucks.” He said to the air.
“Yeah.” She agreed morosely.
“What did you say to her?”
“I barely got any words out.”
Hotch raised a brow. This conversation was as hard as getting Jack to eat broccoli. “Okay: what would you have said to her if she’d listened?”
“She never listens.”
“I’ll listen.” He rested his elbows on the bar and looked expectantly at her.
Emily looked at him coolly as she downed the drink and waved for another. He sat there, suit pressed and spotless, still looking at her. “Maybe I’m done talking.”
“Okay.” He nodded. “We can just sit here, silently, and I’ll watch you get blotto and then drive you home.”
“Home.” She scoffed at that too.
Hotch grinned. “My, we are in a funk, aren’t we?”
“Yes. And I’d rather like to drink myself under the table in peace.” She paused and added, “Sir.”
Hotch ordered an orange juice for himself, setting the drink on a napkin on the bar and toying with the glass’ rim. He sat there, silently. Patiently. Not pressing, just… being there.
After what felt like an age, Emily softly spoke. “How come you know what happened?”
“She called me.”
Emily nodded sadly.
“She actually tore me a new one.” Hotch chuckled. “It’s been so long since she yelled at me, I’d almost forgotten how much she can sting.”
“She’s an expert. She had forty years of practice on me.”
Hotch nodded, seeing the way Emily’s big eyes filled with tears. He picked up his drink and hers and inclined his head towards the booths deeper in the bar. “Let’s go somewhere quieter, hmm?”
Emily watched him go sullenly, before sighing and following after him. “Sorry she yelled at you.” She said, seating herself opposite to Hotch. The booth was snug and secluded, and she felt protected here as she swiped at a tear.
“Did she yell at you too?” he asked.
Emily shook her head. “Worse. She just...” Another heavy sigh. “I thought she’d be happy that I was back, you know? I should’ve known better.”
“She grieved hard when we sent you away.” Hotch shared. “I think that’s why she’s so angry now.”
“But it wasn’t my choice!” Emily retorted, her voice louder and with more venom than she had intended.
“I know.”
Emily took another swig and fixed her eyes on Hotch. God, he was so infuriatingly calm and rational.
“Want to talk about it?” he asked once again.
Emily stared into her glass for a moment, trying to decide what to tell him. She eventually settled on ‘the truth’. “She never knew what my job was, you know. Undercover work, I mean. She never asked and I never told her. Her details weren’t even in my file as next of kin – you know… in case something happened to me – I just listed Clyde. I figured… he could tell her.”
Hotch nodded. “Yeah. I saw that when we were trying to find you.”
“You know all my secrets now. All my dirty secrets.” She said, her eyes boring into his own.
“I guess I do.” He agreed softly. “It doesn’t change anything – I’m still your friend. We all are. And I hope you feel that too. I hope you feel that you can talk to me, confide in me, if you ever need to.”
Emily laughed dryly. “The one person a girl should be able to share secrets with is her mom.” She laughed again. “I blew that.”
“You didn’t ‘blow’ anything.” Hotch insisted, taking her hand and forcing her to look at him. “It is a parent’s job to be emotionally available to their kids. The onus should never be on you.”
“Maybe.” She conceded. “We never were close. Not when I was little and not when I was a teenager. I guess I need to take the blame for anything that happened after that.” she said, draining her glass. “I deliberately pulled away. I knew I couldn’t tell her my secrets - even back then. Don’t know why I thought it’d be different now.”
Hotch frowned. “What happened?”
“I need another drink.” Emily said, rising to her feet and striding to the bar.
Hotch sighed and waited until Emily returned with an orange for him and two more shots for herself.
“It’s easy to lose your sense of self when you’re young.” She mused cryptically as she sat back down.
“I guess so.” Hotch nodded, his eyes trying to read her face.
Emily stared at him for a beat, her eyes emotionless. “I had an abortion when I was fifteen.”
Hotch’s brows shot up and he nearly choked on his drink. That was not something he was expecting to hear – especially phrased so flatly.
“I never told her. Couldn’t tell her. God, she’d still be yelling at me now thirty years later!” She downed one of the shots.
“I’m sorry.” He breathed.
Emily shrugged. “It was just not meant to be, I guess. I was only a kid myself. It was easier not to tell her and – being a stupid kid – I guess I figured I’d get over it and move on and…” She laughed at her own naivete. “Stupid.” She shrugged. “But it didn’t happen like that and I got out of that house as soon as I could, wanting to be anyone other than ‘Emily Prentiss: Ambassador’s daughter’. Maybe that’s why the CIA was so appealing.”
“A chance to shed your skin?”
“Yeah.”
Hotch nodded. “I can understand that. Was it a job you enjoyed?”
Emily’s eyes lit up for the first time tonight. “I loved it. At first, anyway. It was exciting and I knew I was doing good, you know? I knew I was putting bad people away where they couldn’t hurt people any more.”
Hotch smiled. “That is a fine legacy.”
Emily nodded. “Mom wouldn’t think so. She never approved of my career choices - she wanted me in a steady little boring job at the UN, earning a fat pay cheque and dating a senator.” She chuckled at the mental image of that version of herself. “She never asked anything about my job. Guess that’s a good thing in hindsight. Can you imagine what she’d say?”
“Tell me what happened today.”
Emily brushed at another tear. “I went to her office – I, uh…it didn’t feel right making first contact over the phone, y’know? I mean… she thought I was dead for seven months and then…she got a call from you when I came back and…Yeah. I had to go see her. Had to… explain in person - she deserved that, at least, because I know she grieved me. I know how terribly it must have hurt her.” She blew out a breath. “I never wanted to hurt her like that.”
“So you went to see her?” Hotch prompted.
Emily nodded. “When I walked in, she just stared at me like she’d seen a ghost. I guess she had.” Emily mused thoughtfully. “It’s one thing for you to call her, Hotch, and say…wait – what did you say to her?”
Hotch exhaled heavily. “Maybe I should have put a vodka in this.” He laughed, tapping the rim of his orange juice. “It wasn’t an easy call to make.” He admitted…
~
Aaron took a deep breath as the call connected. “Ambassador? It’s Agent Hotchner.” He could feel the ice emanating from the other end of the line. Seven months ago, when he’d told Elizabeth Prentiss that her daughter had been killed in the line of duty, she had looked at him like he was the scum of the Earth. She blamed him – and she pretty much told him in no uncertain terms, that she held him responsible for Emily’s death. And he couldn’t blame her. Even though, privately, he knew that Emily was still alive, he felt like shit about the whole situation, and Elizabeth’s scorn was correctly his to bear. Watching Elizabeth grieve the loss of her only child had almost made him break protocol and come clean to her. But Emily’s life was at stake and so he held his tongue. And watched. They’d had no contact since the funeral – so he could understand Elizabeth’s reaction upon hearing his voice again.
“What do you want?” she asked eventually, her voice flat and emotionless.
“I have some very important news for you, Ambassador.” He waited for her to break the silence, but she said nothing. “Ma’am? Are you still there?”
“I believe we said everything we needed to say to one another at the funeral. If this is Bureau business then contact my PA.”
“I’m sorry ma’am, but that isn’t the case – this is…personal. I… I have some important news and… Could we meet and –“
“No. I don’t wish to ever see you or one of your people ever again. Say what you need to say now.” She said coolly.
“Emily is alive.” He chewed at his lip as another silence fell over the line. “This…this is not something I wanted to tell you like this and I am truly sorry for that, but Emily is alive.”
“I…I don’t think I heard you right…” Elizabeth breathed.
“Emily is alive.” Hotch repeated.
“What kind of cruel joke is this?!” Elizabeth snapped.
“It is true, ma’am.”
“No. No, I don’t believe it.”
“Emily’s life was in danger, ma’am. One of the unsubs that Emily jailed while she worked with Interpol escaped. He came after her. He murdered others, and he attacked her and stabbed her. She died in the ambulance – every word of that was true. But she pulled through and… we had to think of a way to keep her safe from this man.” He paused, but still Elizabeth said nothing. He could hear her breathing, and he knew what a shock this must be to hear.
He cleared his throat and continued. “We – I – felt the only way to prevent this man from finishing the job was to convince him that she succumbed to her injuries. To that end, everyone – the team included – were told she had passed. This man, he had eyes on us all. He would know if our grief were pretence. We needed to buy ourselves time to find him and to catch him.”
“Surely you could have told me!” Elizabeth said sharply. “I am an Ambassador, for God’s sake! I have diplomatic –“
“I’m sorry ma’am, but this man’s MO was torture to gain information. We couldn’t risk her life. I hope you see that.”
“And where was Emily all this time?”
“Paris. We sent her out of the country to allow her body to heal, safe from his reach.”
“Paris?” Elizabeth repeated. “So you… just lied to everyone?”
“I did. To keep her safe.”
Elizabeth scoffed softly. “I cannot… take this all in right now.”
“I know, ma’am – and I wanted to find a better way to tell you, but… Emily came back today – she came back with information to help find the man who hurt her.”
“She’s back?”
“She is, ma’am, and I would never want to you to learn of this without my having told you the truth first.”
~
Hotch shrugged and regarded Emily. “I understand her being angry with me – I told her the very worst of lies. But I thought that when she saw you…”
“That it’d be a Hollywood happy ending?” Emily sighed with a roll of her eyes.
“Yeah. Something like that.” He shook his head. “I guess that was pretty stupid of me.”
Emily gave him a half smile. “Am I allowed to agree with that without getting my ass fired?”
Hotch chuckled. “I think you get a pass on this one.” He sipped his orange. “So when you went to see her, what happened?”
Emily picked at her nail bed, her eyes studying it intently. “I was so Goddamn nervous, Hotch. I went in there and…we just looked at one another for a moment. And she looked happy, Hotch, I swear she did. I could see it in her eyes, in her mouth, her breath – everything – and I thought it was gunna be okay.” She shrugged. “Maybe it was too much for her. I tried to hug her, but she stepped away like I was something to be afraid of.” She took another drink, and when she looked up at Hotch, there was fear in her eyes. “I told her ‘Mom, I’m so sorry. But I’m here. I’m back. I’m alive!”
“What did she say?”
Emily blew out a breath. “Nothing. Well, I mean…she smiled, kind of, and said ‘I need some time to take this all in. I’ll call you.’” She laughed again, loud and long. “’I’ll call you’! I’ll fucking CALL YOU?! Jesus.” She ran a hand through her hair.
“That bitch.” Hotch hissed. “I’ll call HER. She won’t treat you that way, Emily.”
Emily shook her head. “Water off a duck’s back.”
“Bullshit.”
“Yeah.” She agreed. “I used to lie better than that.”
Hotch huffed and gnawed at the inside of his cheek. “Get your coat.”
“Why?” Emily frowned, her tipsy brain a step behind.
“We’re going to see your mother again. Together. And she’s going to hear you out, Goddamnit!”
“But I’m drunk!” she laughed.
“Can you think of a better state to be in when you see her?”
Emily stared at him for a beat before tossing the rest of the drink down her throat. “No, I can’t. Let’s go.”
**
It felt like the blink of an eye from when Emily threw her coat on to standing here now. Between the flash of Hotch’s badge and the knowing stride of the Ambassador’s daughter, they found themselves through security and standing outside Elizabeth’s office door in record time.
“Should we knock?” Emily mused.
Hotch raised a brow, knocked once and immediately walked inside without waiting for permission.
Emily caught herself grinning like a naughty teenager as she followed her boss inside, her heart swelling at his stoic support for her.
“Agent Hotchner I do not appreciate –“ Elizabeth stopped mid-sentence when she saw Emily behind him. “I see.” she scoffed. “So I am to be corralled?”
“You are to listen.” Hotch clarified. He glanced at Emily and nodded, before seating himself discretely on a chair in the corner of the room, becoming invisible, much as he used to do when he was head of security for the Ambassador.
Elizabeth raised a row and seated herself in the plush leather chair behind her desk. She tried to maintain her cool composure, but Emily could see the shake as she sat, and the wary, hopeful fear in her mom’s eyes.
Emily regarded her mother for a moment. “I know how badly you are hurting now – and I know how terribly you were hurt seven months ago - I never wanted to hurt you.” She began, seating herself carefully opposite her mom. “You never knew the details about what I did for the CIA; what it entailed. Maybe if you had done, then…I don’t know… maybe it wouldn’t have been such a shock. But you never asked, mom. You never wanted to know about my job, because I don’t know, maybe it scared you? And I never told you because I didn’t want to scare either of us. I know that you wanted me to stay at the UN and marry a diplomat and live in a mansion and do the whole society thing. I know you wanted that, and I know my choices disappointed you. They always did. But that’s me mom. I’ve gotta be me.”
“Being you got you killed, Emily.”
Emily nodded. “Yeah. It did. And it put a lot of very bad guys in prison. It brought justice to victims. It saved lives. And I’m still alive, mom, and… and I need you to accept that. To accept me. Because I can’t do this anymore. This is it mom – make or break. If you can’t accept me alive, then I guess to you I must be dead. I don’t want that… but it’s up to you. I can leave right now and you can pretend I’m dead and we never need to be in one another’s orbit gain. It’s your choice.”
“It isn’t as simple as that!”
“Choices never are.” She paused and reached across to take her mom’s trembling hands in her own. “I need you, mom. Maybe I always did, but I just didn’t realise it until I lost everyone that mattered to me.” She squeezed Elizabeth’s hands more tightly. “I need you, mom.”
Elizabeth stared at her daughter, her own eyes filling with tears. She gripped Emily’s hands in a vice like grip. “I need you too. I do. I wanted to say it so many times in the past, but we just…”
Emily smiled. “Yeah. We clash, huh?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I am so sorry for pushing you away earlier. I just… seeing you there and knowing what you went through… I just felt ashamed, Emily. I felt ashamed for not being there when you needed me.”
“You’re here now.” Emily pointed out, brushing her own tears away. “So am I.”
Elizabeth nodded and opened her arms. “May I?”
Emily’s smile broke across her face and she rounded the desk, burying herself in her mom’s arms.
Elizabeth enveloped her daughter and kissed her temple. “I cried so much for you.” She whispered. “I have never felt so empty as I have done these past seven months.”
“Me neither.” Emily cried.
“I’m so sorry he hurt you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you when you woke up.”
“Don’t worry, mom. Maybe this is a new start for us?”
Elizabeth pulled back, cupping Emily’s face, her eyes taking in the features of a daughter that she thought she would never see again. “I want that very much.”
“Maybe we can meet for lunch sometime to talk…?”
Elizabeth smiled and stroked Emily’s cheek. “Screw lunch! Stay for dinner. Tonight. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to mess our relationship up again. Stay? Please?”
Emily beamed. “I came with Hotch –“
Aaron stood and smiled politely. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow, Emily. Enjoy tonight.” He smiled. Neither Prentiss answered him – they were too lost in one another to notice as he slipped discreetly out, a smile on his own face. As he walked from the building, he called Jess, wanting nothing more than to reconnect with his, with Hayley’s, own family. Because at the end of the day, Family was everything.