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“Father!” a voice cried from the now open doorway, “Happy Birthday!”
Percival turned in time to catch the little boy that had been barreling towards him. He threw the boy high, caught him again and sat him on his shoulders. “Well hello there.”
“Father, I got you a present.” The little boy cried tapping his father’s head excitedly.
Percival looked over at his wife who’d taken a seat at the table, she was watching her little family with a look of content plain on her face. He walked over and bent to kiss her cheek, making sure to reach an arm above his head to stop the child from falling.
“It’s in my pocket. I got it when mother took me to the market. I bought it all by myself.”
“Did you now?” Percival said leaning forward to accommodate his son leaning back in order to reach into his pocket.
“I don’t know why he picked it, but he was adamant that you had to have it. He just kept saying ‘he’ll know’ and ‘he’s going to love it’.” Leia, Percival’s wife, told him.
Percival reached over his head and extracted the young boy from his shoulders, putting him down on the table in front of him so they were closer in height. The boy held out his hand toward his father, a round, red apple in the palm of his small hand.
“Do you like apples?” Percival was momentarily speechless at the gift.
“I do. Thank you Gwaine, that was very thoughtful.” He said taking the apple from his son, then resting his hand on his son’s hair kissing his forehead lightly then turned away. Taking a deep breath he turned back with a smile on his face, putting the apple on the table by Leia. “What made you pick that?”
“I like apples” Gwaine said, Percival didn’t know what answer he had been expecting. Gwaine continued talking the way children do when they’re excitable, “and I like apple pie and I like cheese.”
“What an odd combination. I hope you don’t mean together.” Leia said moving a piece of Gwaine’s long brown hair out of his eyes and putting it behind his ear.
“Cheese that tastes like apple pie!” the boy shouted laughing gleefully at his mother who was pretending to be shocked at such a ludicrous idea. Percival sat down on the chair opposite her, he must have told the story before, though he was sure in the four years of his son’s young life he had never mentioned his friend once.
Percival had gone quiet, chasing a long forgotten memory of a dark night in the forest with his friends. There were days when they were all he could think about, these days of years before, but it had been a while since he’d thought about that particular moment.
He shook his head and looked up, Leia was watching him now a slightly puzzled look, he smiled at her, reassuring.
Percival watched his son attempt to get down from the table his face determined, he couldn’t help but think that if he managed to raise a son to be as good of a man as his friend had been then he would be a lucky father indeed. Though of course he would love his son regardless, the loss in his life had taught him to cherish those he cared about. There had been a time in his life when it had been so hard to be happy, when he thought he never would be again but that changed when Leia came into his life and then young Gwaine, he still had bad days but it was better now, he was better.
His son was now pulling at his mother’s skirts then running behind her chair to hide from her. Percival could see similarities, he couldn’t not compare, to his friends the ones he had loved and lost. That grin that just seemed so like Merlin that he had to look close to see past the memory, the walk that was Arthur all over so sure of himself even at such a young age. But none as much as Gwaine, maybe it was just the boys hair, inherited from his mother the dark brown locks had grown long, falling into his eyes and around his face so that he had started to flick it out of his way. The first time Percival saw it, it was so similar to his old friend’s mannerism that he’d found himself holding his breath. It was the little things about his son that reminded him of his friends, but they hit hard when they appeared and young Gwaine was only four years old, he could only imagine the things he may notice about his son as he grew. These things, they dredged up old memories from the days before the battle, not all were bad which was a relief to Percival. He couldn’t have lived with himself if he had managed to turn his only son into a source of his own pain and heartache.
He was pulled from his reverie by his son patting his knee with a small fist, he lifted the boy onto his knee smiling down at him. “Did you get what you always wanted?” Gwaine asked, obviously hinting at his own gift by the way his eyes slid across the table to the lone apple.
“I have everything I could ever need right here.” He responded, Gwaine gave a small huff of annoyance at the ignoring of his gift while Percival smiled at Leia over his head. She returned it with a sad smile of her own somehow knowing this wasn’t completely true. In his head he recited the words Gaius had told him to think of when his days were darker, this wasn’t one of those days but he felt it was necessary. It was once a relatively short list, ‘I still have Leon. I still have Guinevere and Gaius.’ The list has changed since then but he still repeats it when the need arises, ‘I still have Leon. I still have Guinevere. I have Leia and I have my son.’ The passing of Gaius had been another challenging time for him, he had come to depend on the physician in the months after the battle but it probably wouldn’t do any good for Percival to dwell too much on that now.
The young boy in his lap wriggled into a more comfortable position, “I have you.” Percival said into his son’s hair while the boy played with a leather strap on his father’s wrist, oblivious to his words. “So, is there a special gift you would like for your next birthday? A new sword to battle bandits and dragons?” he asked distracting himself from his thoughts and nodding in the direction of a wooden toy sword by the door.
“I want a brother.” Gwaine looked over at Leia, “Mother has one.” He then twisted to look up at his father, “you had a sister didn’t you? Mother said she’s in heaven with Reginald.” Reginald was the horse Percival had that had to be put down last year.
He breathed out a laugh and looked up at Leia she smiled reassuringly and nodded, he turned back to his son on his lap. “Yes, I have a brother.” Percival sighed bending low to rest his head atop his son’s.
“Like Uncle Leon?" His son had a good relationship with Leon and that was something Percival was thankful for, Gwaine loved him and Leon was incredibly fond of the boy. "Where is he? Can I meet him?” They stayed quiet for a second or two, Percival’s body surrounding Gwaine, Gwaine contently sitting in his father’s arms waiting for an answer.
He nodded, “Yes, like Uncle Leon.” Percival took a deep breath. “But he’s not with us anymore,” his words were muffled in his son’s hair, but the boy turned in his arms so he lifted his head. He could see a glimmer of his own pain in his son’s eyes and that was something he never wanted to see again. “But I know he’ll be watching over us.” He said then, trying to be more light-hearted for his son’s sake, “Wishing he could tell me to kiss my wife or he’d do it for me and that he could teach you to fight better than I ever could.”
Leia moved around the table to put her hand on his shoulder, Gwaine spoke then, “What was he like?”
“He was strong and very brave,” he paused for another second, staring into space “but he wasn’t as strong as me.” He grinned tickling his son’s ribs, Gwaine couldn’t help but let out a small giggle before batting his father’s hands away with a stubborn face, wanting to hear more.
He was quiet, looking down into his son’s expectant and determined eyes, Leia turned Percival's face away to kiss him gently then put her forehead against his, “He’s only young, you don’t have to tell him everything. But this is an important part of you and one day it will be for him too.” She pulled away, her hand lingering on his cheek before she turned and walked out of the door.
Percival then smiled down at his son. The scene that played out in his head causing the usual pain in his chest but he was learning to live around it, he could get through it this time. He was looking at his boy but all he could see was another pair of eyes, another face held between his hands and those final words echoing in his head until they were all he could hear, he could try and shout over the words but his pleas would be stolen away before they could be heard. “My brother’s name was Gwaine. And he was…” he struggled to find the words, “he wasn’t a failure… he was a hero.”