Work Text:
“The first member to debut in 7th place…”
The air is thick with tension, everyone looking on to the emcee with bated breath. Fans are shaking, waving their lightsticks; eliminated contestants are looking on to the stage, waiting for their friends. Jaejoong has repeated the same line for what feels like hours. Everyone is waiting. Some murmurs are heard here and there, but everyone else is silent, looking on with hope and fear and something Sanghyeon can’t describe.
Cue cards in hand, the silver-haired man opens his mouth, hesitates, grins, and finally speaks.
“Congratulations, Chung Sanghyeon.”
Sanghyeon does not process this.
He sees Haneum breaking down into tears, he hears Woojin and a few others’ voices saying a hundred things at once, and he feels Liyu’s arms wrapping around his torso. He sees smiles, and he hears clapping and voices congratulating him, telling him that he did well. He sees Liyu’s proud smile, and he whispers, “Me?”
”Yes, you, Sanghyeon. Get up there. You made it.” Liyu murmurs as he hugs Sanghyeon again, patting him on the head. “Go. You’ve debuted.”
And everything is a blur as Sanghyeon walks up to the chairs, half crying, half praying for Liyu to be able to join him.
He talks, gives his acceptance speech, using the usual formality and calmness that he has been trained to carry himself with. The energy that he’s trained to use, the composure that he has to keep. He thinks of all the trainees down there, how they think he’s the first to be put out of his misery, but really, he hasn’t. He talks, his voice slightly thick through the tears, but it’s still manageable.
“And there’s someone I really want to debut with. Liyu-hyung.” Sanghyeon’s voice starts to shake, and it cracks slightly at the mention of his best friend.
The stadium bursts into screaming and cheers, and Liyu bends over, biting his lips.
Before he really knows what happened, Sanghyeon is on the 7th place seat, watching it all unfold from the “cushy chairs”, as Geonwoo would say.
And so he waits.
6th? Leo? He dropped a lot. Sanghyeon is happy, but still waiting.
5th, Jiahao. A talented Chinese trainee. Not close to him, but he was definitely a fan favourite after Chains.
4th, Geonwoo. The third member of Chains to make it up to that stage, up to the chairs.
He stops listening afterwards, watching as teary-eyed boys walk up to the stage one by one, and the results are expected. Nothing too far from the last round’s rankings. He prays, his heart clenching with every boy that walks up that isn’t Liyu.
It goes on until there’s only one seat left. One seat, the seat next to Sanghyeon, the empty space that already screams Liyu’s name. Sangwon is still talking, and even though his voice is cracking and everyone’s attention is on the center, Sanghyeon looks down at his best friend, and he swears he sees the tiniest shake of a head.
No. No.
Liyu can’t be losing hope. Not now. Not ever. Not until it’s all over.
Sanghyeon points at the 8th place seat next to him, his eyes slightly watery, his heart screaming at him to keep holding on, keep praying, keep wishing. Keep hoping for Liyu to join him up here. And maybe, just maybe, it’d happen.
And then the eighth place candidates are announced, and Kangmin, Junseo and Liyu show up on screen. Liyu, beautiful, soft-spoken, slightly performative Liyu, is being called as a candidate for the seat next to Sanghyeon’s.
And Sanghyeon has no other choice but to keep staring at that cursed screen, because Kangmin is good-looking, kind-hearted and talented, and so is Junseo, but Liyu, his favourite person and best friend Liyu, is standing there too, with a one in three chance of getting that favoured spot next to him. And he looks at Woojin too, who is looking on with nothing but wistfulness, pride and tears in his eyes. Who knew he wasn’t going to make it, but hoped that Sanghyeon and Liyu would.
Jaejoong says that he’s calling the contestant who placed 10th first. Sanghyeon starts to pray again, please not Liyu, please, not Liyu. Anyone but Liyu. Liyu should be here, next to him, where they could spend the next five years together.
“Chuei Liyu, 10th place.”
Sanghyeon is the first to break, and he doesn’t hear anything. He can’t hear any of the screams or cries or yelling from down there, and he doesn’t hear the gasps from behind him. All he sees is his best friend, his soulmate, his everything, being ripped out of his hands right then and there.
He doesn’t know how Liyu is still so quietly calm, a tiny, sad smile on his face. He looks down to the audience, sees Junmin’s teary smile, Woojin wiping his tears, and Haneum, watching it all unfold with more tears in his big doe eyes. Sanghyeon cannot do this, he cannot debut alone, and he cannot fulfil only half of his dream.
But reality hits, and Liyu is still talking with amazing composure, still professional as ever.
Sanghyeon remembers just a few weeks ago, where Liyu was still making it up there, ever so close, but not there yet. But since he was still there, making it to the next round together, Sanghyeon didn’t pay much attention to it.
He remembers when he got Liyu to correct his posture when giving his speech, smiling with pride and happiness as he made it to the next round together with his favourite person. When they practiced Sugar High together and finally got to socialise a little outside of their usual group of friends. When they finally became roommates, they decided to put their beds together because it just felt right, and they promised each other that they’d debut together every night. When they celebrated Sanghyeon’s eighteenth birthday together with the Brat Attitude team. And when they filmed the interviews together, Liyu came in and did the hiphop puppycat pose on the duo.
It all felt so right, so good. And Sanghyeon never wanted that to end.
But of course all good things come to an end.
Sanghyeon just didn’t expect it to be this one. The one thing he treasured the most, the one person he’d spent the past three months with.
“And to Sanghyeon…” Sanghyeon is jerked out of his thoughts, more tears running down his face. He wipes them away with his hand, but they keep coming, and Sanghyeon can’t bear to look up, but he does anyway. Because Liyu is holding the mic away from his face, his composure finally cracking and his eyes finally tearing up. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep our promise.” Liyu’s voice cracks, and all the fans are screaming again.
And Sanghyeon is left there, sobbing quietly, alone on his chair, only having fulfilled half his dream.
☆
Sanghyeon stopped listening after Liyu finished talking. He doesn’t process Junseo’s speech at all, and he can’t feel his legs when he’s called down to stand together with the other members of Alpha Drive One.
He waits until he’s allowed to walk down to greet the other contestants. When the staff give the green light, he practically runs down there, his eyes fixed on Liyu.
“Hyung.” Sanghyeon whispers before he’s pulled into a hug, the older boy holding him tight, like he never wants to let go. “Hyung, I’m so sorry.” He sobs into Liyu’s arms, his tears dripping down, onto the floor and onto Liyu’s shirt. Liyu doesn’t seem to care, and only gives a small smile.
”Why are you crying, Sanghyeon? Don’t cry. You made it. I’m proud of you.” Liyu says gently, rubbing Sanghyeon’s back gently.
“You didn’t make it.” Sanghyeon says, his voice still shaking.
“Exactly.” Liyu laughs. “I didn’t make it, so why are you crying? Chin up, you made it~” Liyu is still smiling, even though Sanghyeon can see the tears glistening in his eyes, and he just hugs Liyu even tighter, with no intention of letting go.
Haneum and Woojin join in soon after, crying and smiling and congratulating Sanghyeon on his debut. Haneum is blond now, and Sanghyeon can’t help but admire the new hair. Woojin pulls them all into another hug, and the four of them, or “Familyz” as named by their fans, stand there among the chaos, knowing that they wouldn’t be able to walk the same paths like they wanted.
Haneum soon walks away to find his other friends, and Woojin is tackled by Seowon somewhere amidst the commotion, leaving just Liyu and Sanghyeon, still holding hands, looking at each other with longing and tears that threaten to spill out of their eyes any time.
”I’m gonna miss you, hyung.” Sanghyeon says softly. “You know that, right?”
“I know.” Liyu smiles, squeezing Sanghyeon’s hands gently. “I’ll miss you too. Don’t forget me when you’re famous.”
”I would never.”
The studio seems silent even with all the chatter among them, and Sanghyeon shakes his head, looking down at the floor. “Liyu, please. Don’t go.” His voice cracks slightly as more tears drip down, tiny rivulets forming on his cheeks as he talks. “I can’t do this without you.”
”Yes, you can. And I’m not going anywhere.” Liyu is calm as ever. “We can still keep in contact, meet up, have fun. We can still love each other, even if we didn’t debut together.”
And Sanghyeon knows that Liyu is right, but it’ll never be the same.
And they exchange their final hug on that stage.
The last thing Liyu hears before Alpha Drive One has to leave?
”I love you, Liyu.”
And Liyu knows Sanghyeon can’t hear him, but he says it anyway, loud enough for only himself to hear.
“I love you too, Sanghyeon. I always have.”