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It had been too sudden, he did not have time to react. He had been drinking some tea, as always. The man at the store had served it in a chipped cup, as always. But it had felt slightly bitter, unlike every other day before that. The whole Gaang had stayed off the radar, or so they thought, but they had been resting on the same village for a little too many days. Nothing wild, just two weeks, maybe almost three? Zuko couldn't quite remember. His head felt both foggy and heavy, the memories blurred throughout the days.
He should have noticed, he scolded himself. A man who'd been working on a tea shop for over twenty years wouldn't fuck up a regular order suddenly. He had been careless, relaxed. Days had been good ever since they took down Ozai, why would he bother on keeping his guard high? But then again... He frowned. Yeah, sure. Ozai had been taken down. But what about all his men? He was sure he hadn't jailed all of them. And what about the many rebel groups who disliked the royal house? He really wanted to do better for them, to change their minds. To improve their lives!
Three months, he had promised himself. Three months to rest and allow the Fire Nation to rebuild at their own rythm, he didn't want to start this new era the way every other Fire Lord had, with violence and strict laws. Uncle Iroh would take care of it, he'd said. Go take a well deserved vacation, he'd said. Well, there he was now. Somewhere. And most definitely not in a vacation anymore. His eyes tried to focus on the dark, but, wherever he was, there was no source of light anywhere near him. Zuko grunted in annoyance, but forced himself to calm down. It was not the first time he had gotten kidnapped or jailed. He felt the oxygen around him, the sparkle that could ignite the whole world on fire if he focused hard enough. Closing his eyes, he exhaled briefly, trying. Once, twice. The third time, a spur of warmth in his breath. And then sudden cold taking over his lungs.
"Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you", a voice purred in the shadows.
Zuko's eyes shot wide open, his breath now catching on his throat. He couldn't have heard that right. But when she snapped her fingers and a blue flame erupted next to her face, there was no way of convincing himself it was a mistake. Golden eyes stared back into his own, identical. But where his looked rather tired, hers looked like she was ready to burn him alive for funsies.
"Hello, brother."
Zuko gulped, hard. His head going a thousand thoughts per second. This wasn't real, he muttered to himself. Just a nightmare. Surely, it was just a nightmare.
"What, you are not even going to scream?", she groaned, rolling her eyes in boredom.
Her steps weren't slow or deliberate, she wasn't much into scaring her victims through psychological torture. That had been more their father's style. In all fairness, he guessed, it hadn't been much of his own style either. In a blink, she was squating in front of his face, balancing on her tip toes, a hand resting over her knee while the other kept the blue blaze lit between them. At that distance, he could see the unspoken scars of time had left on her. Her skin way more pale than it used to be, shadows where her cheeks had been fuller, dark circles under her eyes where before was cinammon tinted porcelain. And the twitch in her eyes.
"Azula.", he breathed.
Not really a "hello", he figured. Just recognition.
She frowned, clearly disappointed. Maybe he should have been nicer? Play along until she felt herself a hero and let him go. Or until he bored her so much she'd kill him. He tried to keep his face unbothered, as much as possible if nothing else. Or maybe he should have look scared? Zuko wasn't quite sure how to act around Azula anymore, anything he did (and everything he didn't) could get him killed now.
"You're not even going to congratulate me?", he asked, testing the waters.
Azula scoffed a loud "Ha!", half amused. Maybe sarcasm would work.
"I should have been Fire Lord, Zuzu", she said, barely louder than a whisper, "if not for your intruder friend."
The last word was more of a spit than a word, filled with venom. Of course, she was right. If not for Katara, he would have not won the Agni Kai. Hell, he may as well be dead since his stupidly big ass mouth couldn't keep itself shut. He just had to mention lightning. Fucking moron.
"So you want a rematch?", he forced the words out.
"A rematch?", she mocked him before chuckling, "No, I don't want a rematch. I won. You were already agonizing on the floor, she was not part of our match. Even if you had not been crying for dear old mommy, her participation disqualified you entirely."
Zuko's eyebrow twitched just for a second. Whether it had been the mention of their mother or the way he couldn't deny Azula's words, it just felt like a punch to his guts.
"So you kidnaped me to get back the throne, is that it?", Zuko mumbled, forcing himself to not break eye contact.
Azula shook her head off, with a slight smile.
"What, so everyone turns against me even if I'm the rightful heir?", she scoffed again, "no, I guess I'm just here to have a talk with you, my dear brother."
He frowned, and after a heavy silence he nodded. Just once.
Azula's hand flickered like a moth around a lamp and the blue blaze exploded into a dozen little flames around them. She sat down now, her legs crossed, her chin resting between her fingers. In a way, he guessed, she was still a kid to his eyes. A murderous, psychopathic kid, but a kid nonetheless. If he squinted his eyes and tried real hard, he could almost see the little girl he used to play hide and seek with.
Almost.
"Well, this surely brings back memories", he muttered, looking around the place for first time.
Now that the place was lit, even if just barely, it looked like an abandoned army shed for weapons and what-not. Probably where the Fire Nation's soldiers used to keep the heavy stuff, like canons or swords. Those who weren't blessed with bending abilities used to make the machines works, though at risk of suffering accidents if the powders weren't properly stuffed.
Zuko's shoulders were stiff, making him wonder for how long had he been tied to the post.
"Yeah?", she raised her eyebrows, "Got a habbit of getting kidnapped?"
"Not by psycho little sisters", he scoffed, looking away, "but I guess you could say so."
Azula squinted her eyes, glaring daggers at him. As long as she kept her hands into fists, he was safe. Maybe not from a black eye, but at least not at risk of getting barbaqued... by the moment, at least. He almost felt guilty. Almost.
"You know, your friends will probably get here any moment.", she said, in a casual tone, as if they were hanging out in the Palace's garden and not in who knew where, kidnaped and kidnaper.
"So", she continued, unbothered, cleaning the dirt under her nails with boredom, "the least you could do is entertain me since you stole everything from me anyways."
Zuko scoffed, rolling his eyes.
"Okay, fine", he said, through his teeth, "say I took your throne if it makes you feel better, but what the hell else could I have taken from you?"
Azula blinked, slowly, he wasn't very sure if she thought it was hilarious or if she was genuinely offended. He was almost willing to bet on the second, but...
"You really don't get it, do you?"
Zuko's heart skipped a beat over the way her tone had dropped an octave. Now he definitely was at risk of being flamed up into a roasted marshmellow.
"Mother wouldn't look at me if you so much as broke your pinky's nail", she scoffed, her voice like she was confiding him a secret, "Not to mention the old hag, Iroh. I was so much better than you, a prodigy! And yet...", she shook her head.
Zuko didn't dare to move a muscle, even less say a word about it. Was that true? Surely, she was a master manipulator, but... He hated the way he could never tell when was she lying. Even when he believed everything she said was a lie, that wasn't true either. Mostly, she spoke in half truths and twisted the rest so you would fill in the blanks with whatever you wanted to believe.
"Yet, Spirits forbid she ever acknowledged I existed.", she scoffed.
He did remember their mother, the way her hugs felt, how he'd run to her whenever he got hurt. When he tried to think of Azula, the only thing he could manage to picture was their father spoiling her rotten with all sorts of new toys every day. Toys he'd wanted for himself, but he could not manage to firebend for his life.
"Father did", he finally said, also barely louder than a whisper.
When Azula laughed, loud and strident, he flinched hard.
"Yeah? He noticed you too", she said, her nails caressing the side of his face.
Zuko felt a chill run down his spine, his breath caught in his throat. Even after she pulled her hand away, he could still feel the phantom dagger-like trace on his burnt skin.
"One would think you'd have learnt by now that you don't want to get noticed by Father."
This time he couldn't push back the wave of guilt that crashed against his entire being. Maybe... this time she wasn't half-lying.
"I always wondered...", Azula begin to trail off, keeping her eyes on her carefuly filed nails once more, "Mom chose to abandon me even long before she left both of us. Were you raised by her to abandon me too or was it a choice you made on your own?"
Zuko couldn't find the right words to answer- had he abandoned her? He didn't think so. He'd been exhiled as a 14 years old, just a teenager. Surely, uncle Iroh had followed after him while Azula had stayed with Father, but... He frowned. But that was long after their mom had abandoned them, he had to admit to himself.
"I loved you."
The words hang on the air, tense. More than a confession, they felt like a death sentence over their heads. Azula looked up from her nails to him, slowly, dragging the moment. Her mouth shut, probably for the first time in her entire life. Zuko hadn't planned on saying it out loud. He didn't even know if he meant it.
"What?"
Azula's question was just as dragged as her nails had been, just as sharp too.
"I loved you", he repeated, careful.
The words didn't feel right in his mouth. It wasn't a lie, he discovered. It wasn't true either, anyways.
"Sure you did", she scoffed.
For some reason, it offended him that she doubted him. He wasn't a liar, like her. He'd always gone straight forward, honesty was tightly bound to honor. And Spirits knew how bad he'd fought to regain it.
"I did", he insisted, "I do."
Azula's gaze felt heavy on him, as bored as she seemed to be. She wasn't buying it, whatever it was he was trying to sell.
"I thought", he continued, hoping whatever would come after would sound half decent to her, "that if I stayed away from you, my feelings would fade away. But clearly, they were as strong as your blazes."
What the fuck am I even saying, he thought to himself.
Staying alive and winning time were important, but it felt like he was tying the knot around his neck on his own.
"I challenged Father to prove him I was strong enough to be a Fire Lord", he cleared his throat, "to impress you. You were always stronger than me. It was-", he stopped himself, biting his tongue, "it is a shame that, as the elder, I was weaker than you."
Azula kept quiet, evaluating the words carefuly. Zuko figured even psycopaths enjoined to be honeyed up. But the way she kept looking unfazed didn't feel right. It felt like watching the last grains of sand slip against the glass. His time was running up.
"I loved you and I wanted you to be proud of me. So, when you challenged me to an Agni Kai, I thought I had to bring the best of me, to show you I could be worth...", he frowned.
Worth what?, he wanted to yell at himself.
"...your siblinghood."
The word felt more like a question than a statement. He was a goner. By the time Katara and the others got to him, they'd have to scrap his melted ass from the floor.
Azula eyes twitched slightly, he'd seen dragonflies less steady than her gaze and it was unnerving. In a blink, she'd gotten right on his face. Zuko gulped, unsure. When had been the last time the two of them had gotten this close? He frowned; never. Her eyes weren't just ambar, a darker shade of gold dust flickered in her iris as well, like a river of magma. He had to force himself to breath, in and out.
But in their eyes ended their similitudes.
His eyes slipped to the slight crook of her nose, similar to their mother's, but harsher, like their father's. Her mouth was different than his entirely, she had rosie lips, like a plum flower. As a princess, her skin seemed soft, like a porcelain doll's. As a warrior, the faintest of scars covered the side of her jaw, her upper lip and the bridge of her nose. How did she get those, he couldn't figure out. But where his scars were obvious and grotesque and all over his face and his stomach, her scars seemed to be a secret only reserved to those who managed to get this close to her.
For a second, he wondered if anyone at all had managed to.
As much as he hated her, he would always be her brother. And, as her brother, he would always resent any guy who dared get as close as he was right now. He wondered -he wondered a lot, he noticed- how did Sokka manage to see Katara and Aang's closeness and not freak out about it.
"Liar."
The word caught him off guard entirely.
Zuko wasn't sure what he'd expected to hear, but for Azula to be so straight-forward... that was new.
"I'm not."
"You never even looked back at me."
His mouth dried, locking his eyes onto hers once more. How would she know? I mean, he thought to himself, yeah, I didn't, but... But the only way she would know was if she had been staring at him. For the first time in his life, he wondered if she even hated him at all. Maybe he truly was an awful brother, aside of a disappointing son.
"I did. You just didn't notice."
"I notice everything, Zuzu. I saw the way you looked at the water tribe girl. Now, that was looking at someone, for sure.", she scoffed.
"But me?", Azula continued, squinting her eyes, "you never even noticed me."
"I did", he insisted again, "I still do."
Azula remained quiet once more, a sarcastic grin on her face. She sat down again, away from him. Where she had stood just a second ago, now Zuko only felt glacial cold.
"Prove it."
"I could have escaped a while ago if I wanted to.", he offered.
Azula raised her eyebrows at him, amused. It wasn't until the sudden "clink" of the metal hitting the floor that she tensed her body again. Zuko massaged his wrists, his skin felt like it was burning from heating up the handcuffs. He'd been holding onto them for a while now, ready to jump up and run away from her when she got distracted. But Azula was right, she always noticed. That's why she hadn't kept her eyes away from him since he'd woken up. And yet...
"And you could have killed me a while ago, too.", he added in a whisper.
"So", Zuko continued, keeping his eyes on his cooling skin, "either you do believe me or you are so bored you'd find entertaining that I beat your ass."
Azula laughed, the sound echoing around him like a flock of crows had surrounded him. Clearly, it was the second option. But he really didn't feel like fighting with her no more.
"I can let you go", he offered, "pretend this didn't happen."
"Out of love?", she asked, mocking his tone.
"Yes."
The honesty of his answer caught him by surprise.
"Did I entertain you enough, then, sister?"
She shook her head, crossing her arms. If he didn't know her any better, he could have sworn she was pouting.
"Not in the slightest, this has been the most boring kidnap I've ever done."
Zuko looked up at her in disbelief, this time he couldn't manage to mask the look of his face, which must have been a hilarious reaction considering how she grinned widely at it.
"And how many more... graciously blessed by your attention people have been kidnapped by Your Highness?"
"None of your business", she rolled her eyes, standing up.
If he stayed quiet, he figured, she'd just walk away. Probably run into the forest and live her life in the most derranged way possible. Really, if they hadn't been sworn enemies until some weeks ago, Zuko was sure Azula and Toph could have been best friends.
"Did you get that close to all of them too?"
The words had escaped him before he could even think about holding them back.
Azula stopped in her track, staring at him over her shoulder. He was standing now, still busying himself with his wrists.
"Why, jealous?", she scoffed.
"Yes."
He wanted to punch himself.
Azula frowned, before turning around like a cat circling its prey.
"Even if not recognized as the Fire Lord, and I admit that's on me, you are still a princess", he said, looking up at her, "and my sister. Is it not my duty to ensure you don't..." he frowned, unable to hold her gaze, even through the distance.
"That I don't... what?"
"That you don't go around getting on random people's faces the way you just did?"
He definitely wanted to punch himself.
"I fail to see how that's any of your business", Azula shrugged, balancing on her heels, ready to flee.
"You say I didn't look at you once, but I definitely saw how you looked at that boy at the beach. You remember him, right? Sharp.", he scoffed, sarcastical.
That had been... a mess.
Azula stared at him in horror, her face flushing red. She was embarrassed and it made her look like the teenager she still was, no matter how built for war. It felt odd to see. It made him proud to have achieved such a reaction.
He walked towards her, which made her walk backwards. Now, that was new.
"Okay, so what?", she scoffed, "everyone saw me being pathetic for once."
Keep her busy, said his head.
There are other ways, why am I cornering her?, he asked back.
Before he'd realized, he had walked her against the wall. In normal circumstances, she would have already burnt him to a crisp. Maybe his weird ass confession had taken a toll on her. It surely had taken a toll on him.
"It sure was pathetic.", he agreed.
Azula's eyes flickered with anger, but before she could say a word he trapped her, resting both arms against the walls on each side of her head, keeping her face to face with no escape- Well, no, that wasn't really true. She could escape if she wanted to, he didn't understand why she hadn't yet. The blue blazes around the room flickered every now and then.
"It made me wonder if you'd be this awkward with your future husband, but then again...", he exhaled through his nose, not quite a scoff but almost.
"What? I'm unloveable so I'd never marry?"
Zuko wanted to pound some self-love in her head, even it had to be through kicks and punches. Ego? She had enough to feed an entire village. But actual love for herself? Zuko had encountered wells in the middle of the dessert with more water. Then again, she'd been raised entirely by Ozai alone. He didn't need a daughter, he just needed a weapon. It had taken him his entire life up to that day to realize this.
He shook his head off.
"I couldn't bring myself to paint you pestering someone else."
Zuko could see the retort about to snarl back, but he didn't let her.
"I couldn't bring myself", he continued, "to paint anyone else pestering me."
Azula kept her jaw tightly shut, but doubt flickered in her eyes. And then her breath caught on her chest when Zuko rested his forehead against hers.
What am I doing, he kept screaming in his head.
His nose, straight, thin and long, brushed against hers.
"I saw you. I saw you staring at someone else, and it annoyed the hell out of me."
It felt strange to say it out loud, a bold lie. At least, he kept telling himself it was a bold lie, because he had noticed the way she'd tried to flirt- and how she'd miserably failed. It had made him scoff back in the day. He hadn't thought about it ever since, so he couldn't quite understand why would he remember it now.
Maybe it had something to do with the way she smelled like toasted cherries, or the way the edge of her hair curled into a ringlet -probably due to heat of her bending-, or the way she had an almost invisible mole under her eye. He felt guilty he'd never really looked at her the way she clearly had looked at him throughout their childhood. He felt guilty that he couldn't stop looking at her now. Had she always worn that shade of red as lipstick? It was smudged on the corners now, Zuko wondered if the guy from the beach had noticed it. If he'd thought about brushing his thumb over the stain.
"I see you, even now", he whispered, his words a breath away from her.
He could sense the way a chill ran down her spine. She was freaked out, her eyes were franctic, trying to figure out what kind of twisted game was he playing. He wanted to tell her he didn't know either. The scar on his stomach still burnt in his nightmares. He hated her. He had always hated her.
...
He did, right?
His mouth brushed against the corner of her lips. Toasted cherries and jasmin incense. His fingers twitched against the wall. Zuko could see the way her throat moved when she gulped, she looked so fragile. Like a bomb, ready to explode.
His fingers slid over the exposed skin of her neck, making her gasp. The sudden sound brought him back to real world. He could end it now, he could end her now. He was way stronger than her, physicaly at least. If he just-
He pushed away, her heartbeat still a phantom rythm over his fingertips.
"Get out before my friends come and catch you."
His voice was cold, distant.
Azula stared at him in shock- horror, even. It barely lasted a second before anger took over it. The blazes died in a blink, cold creeping in and into his bones. He didn't see her leave, but he could feel the moment the drowning warmth of her body left him to freeze alone.
Zuko wasn't quite sure when had the Gaang arrived, he had not moved from where he was. It had been Katara the one to run towards him, asking him a dozillion questions about his well-being and his kidnapper. He didn't say a word about it, claiming to be exhausted and disoriented still. When they left the place, Zuko could have sworn to see a blue flicker in the middle of the forest through the corner of his eye. He didn't say a word about it either.