Chapter Text

the crook of elphaba’s elbow ached from the reusable grocery bags digging into her skin. she’d done the entirely idiotic thing and tried to bring all her groceries in at once, with upwards of four bags piled onto each arm. she struggled through the doorway, wide as it was, and into the kitchen.

“hi!” her sister was lying on the couch, scrolling through tiktok on her phone. “do you need any help with those?”

“no, but thank you.” she slowly untangled herself from the bags one by one and set about putting them all away. elphaba had one wired earbud in and the other kept getting caught on her kitchen drawers, but she wanted an ear free to chat with nessa. “did you work today?

“yes! got another two thousand words on the water park article.”

elphaba separated the groceries into pantry goods and refrigerated goods. “that’s due next week, right?”

“yes, and i am still on track, luckily.”

“oh, good!” elphaba had hoped that her own tendency toward procrastination would be something she’d grow out of in adulthood, but unfortunately, she excelled at completing her work at the last minute. this was not a problem her sister had, although they both had issues doing anything without music on. hence, the earbud problem.

when elphaba finished with the groceries, nessa called, “c’mere! i need you to see this woman.”

elphaba knelt next to the couch and peered at nessa’s phone. there was a woman so beautiful she looked entirely unreal standing in a pristine kitchen, going on about some kind of lavender soap that ‘even your husband would love.’

“i think,” nessa said, “this is the saddest woman i have ever seen in my life.”

elphaba stared at the screen. the woman smiled so brightly it was hard to look at her. “what do you mean?”

“she’s one of those, like—she’s ‘voluntarily’ a housewife? and she does what her husband tells her to do all the time? but my god, elphaba, she has the best outfits.”

blinded as she was by the smile, elphaba tried to look at the screen again. the housewife wore a dark green dress, embroidered with flowers, and tied with a soft brown belt. elphaba shrugged and stood up, stretching her legs. it was a pretty cute outfit. “i hate marriage,” she said. “and i hate tiktok.” she went into her room, changed into comfier clothes, and came back out. sitting next to her sister on the couch, she sighed. “okay, what other inane little videos do you want to show me?”

nessa sat up straighter, grinning. “so many. i’m so glad you asked.”

elphaba did not have any shame about her reading habits. why should she? she was a grown adult; she could read what she liked. but the instinct to cover the danmei novel in her basket the second she saw the woman from across the room was overpowering. she didn’t know her name; hell, she didn’t even remember her tiktok handle. but it was the same woman nessa had shown her last week. and, somehow, even more terrifyingly beautiful in person.

whatever, it wasn’t like she was talking to her. elphaba put her head down and tried to walk past the cookbook section without staring for too long.

“excuse me?”

oh, no.

“do you work here?”

oh, no. elphaba turned, making the basket in her arms more visible than she’d like in order to indicate that she was, also, a paying customer at this bookstore.

they locked eyes. this was unfortunate for a few reasons. the first of which was that elphaba could not handle direct eye contact well at all. the second, and perhaps worse of the two, was that she was distinctly unable to keep the recognition out of her expression.

the other woman gasped. “are you a fan?”

elphaba was more embarrassed to be mistaken for a fan than to be interacting with someone who could only be called internet famous at best, but she knew her blush added no credibility whatsoever to the statement, “no, but my sister is.”

this was not strictly true either, but neither nessa nor the woman she’d mocked in private needed to know elphaba had lied to save herself.

“oh, how sweet! do you want me to sign something for her?”

elphaba considered this. she had notebook paper and a pen in her bag, and nessa would probably appreciate it if only to laugh at elphaba’s misfortune later. but the whole ordeal was mortifying enough. “didn’t you need help with something?”

“ah.” she looked up at a shelf that was far nearer to elphaba’s eye-level than her own.

“you want to borrow my height?” elphaba grabbed the book she had indicated, glancing down as she did so. from what she could glean, it was a recipe book on how to best disguise vegetables in desserts so your kids and husband wouldn’t complain. she was entirely unable to stop herself from arching a brow.

“it’s—” the woman blushed. “for a friend. a housewarming gift.”

“no judgement,” elphaba said. she had certainly been judging. “but personally, i love vegetables.”

now it was the influencer’s turn to raise a brow. she couldn’t be more clearly looking at the color of elphaba’s skin. but she didn’t comment. “frankly, me too! it’s—i know you said you haven’t seen the videos, but if you’re ever looking for recipes, i promise it’s—well,” she cleared her throat.

there was something in her eyes, something that elphaba couldn’t quite understand, and then she saw it. whatever sadness nessa had been so, so sure about. “i’m not actually on tiktok,” she said, trying to make her voice sound as genuinely apologetic as she could. “but i am always looking for new vegetarian dishes.”

“are you on instagram?”

elphaba shook her head.

“twitter?”

she shook her head again. she had been, a few years ago, back when it had been a decent leftist space, but she hadn’t touched it in years. she was only on tumblr and reddit now, and she certainly wasn’t going to volunteer either of those accounts to a woman like this.

for a moment, this seemed to stump her. then, surprising elphaba entirely, she said, “fuck it,” and handed over her phone, with the option to add a new contact open on the screen.

elphaba blinked at her. both the cursing and the disclosure of personal information seemed wildly out of character for someone with her proclivities, but here she was. what the hell, sure. elphaba added her name—first only, not that it mattered—and her number and handed back the phone.

“elphaba.” the woman smiled up at her. “what a lovely name. i’m glinda, but i’m sure you knew that already.” she laughed, a high and pearly thing, and then sent a text.

elphaba’s phone buzzed. there was a link to an incredibly straightforward recipe for jackfruit tacos.

“let me know if you get a chance to try that out! i sent the version without all the silly preamble; you look like someone who doesn’t have time for all of that.”

elphaba cleared her throat. “yeah,” she said. “that’s a fair assessment.”

glinda looked at her again for a long while, and elphaba felt a bit as if she was under a microscope. finally, she smiled, and it was difficult to tell if it was genuine. “i really should get on with my shopping.”

as though elphaba was the one holding up the conversation! she’d wanted no part of this to begin with. she laughed apologetically and stepped to the side, heading for the register. what a bizarre little woman.

the jackfruit tacos were good. really good. it was unfortunate that they were good, because now nessarose was begging elphaba to ask for more recipes.

“you’re the one that follows her on tiktok, why don’t you make something of hers?”

they were sitting on their couch, waiting for their burger/veggie burger order, and both deeply annoyed at a recent increase in delivery prices.

nessa huffed. “it’s not the same. she sent you such a nice version of that one; all the ones on her website are riddled with ads and stories about her weirdo husband.”

“what about the videos?”

“even worse! i don’t think she ever says a single unit of measurement in any of them. just, like, garlic! pepper! caramelized onion!”

elphaba laughed. “i’m guessing she didn’t even show the process of onion caramelization.”

“of course not.”

elphaba sighed. she opened glinda’s text message history and stared at it. it had been two weeks since their meeting at the bookstore, maybe she’d forgotten all about her. or maybe not.

the jackfruit tacos were fantastic. any other suggestions?

glinda responded faster than elphaba possibly could have imagined.

Glinda from TikTok
How’s teriyaki mushrooms sound?

the link that followed was for a veggie dog topping situation complete with pineapple and onion. much like the previous recipe, it was straightforward and looked easy to follow.

thanks!

the next day, elphaba had an opportunity to try it out. and much like the previous recipe, it was fantastic. for a while, food was all they texted about. elphaba dutifully made everything glinda sent. eventually she started sending pictures, sending a recipe or two back, and then, slowly, occasionally, they began to talk about their days. it was strange. pleasant, really, in an unexpected way. elphaba found she liked having the routine of check-ins, of little pictures and videos. she found herself looking forward to glinda’s texts, as much as she was often bemused by them. she was just so bright, and so straightforward, it was astonishingly easy to talk to her.

Glinda from TikTok
What are you up to today?

not much. off for the summer so mostly just reading and hanging out with my sister.

Glinda from TikTok
You’ve mentioned her a lot. Do you live together?

yes
used to help take care of her (she’s a wheelchair user)
but she’s pretty independent so it’s mostly for rent

Glinda from TikTok
That’s very sweet!!

what about you?

Glinda from TikTok
I had planned on doing a GRWM video this evening—morning light is ridiculously easy to fake—but Chuff wanted mashed potatoes. Such is the way.

glinda’s schedule was tightly organized around producing content for her channel and maintaining her home for her husband. occasionally, she admitted, these two things stood at odds. if her planned video didn’t align with his schedule or his tastes, she would cancel recording for the day and make what he liked for dinner.

on those days, it was very hard for elphaba not to comment. her judgement and criticism of this kind of relationship was an almost instinctive revolt. but she knew how critical people had been of her role as a caregiver for her sister, and for once in her life, she held her tongue. she didn’t know their relationship. it wasn’t her place.

sometimes, though, much less often, elphaba could tell when things weren’t so strictly scheduled. one saturday evening, glinda had sent her an inordinate amount of instagram links to cat videos in under twenty minutes. elphaba could barely open them without an account, but what she could see was admittedly delightful.

big plans tonight?

Glinda from TikTok
It’s a rare free evening! How about you?

nessa rejected my offer to bring her to a concert
so, i find myself with an extra ticket
…i don’t know if it’s your scene

Glinda from TikTok
…Who’s playing?

…brandi carlile?

Glinda from Tiktok
I love country!

elphaba was neutral on country music in general, but had a soft spot for folk, and even softer spot for women she knew were singing about women. she wondered if glinda was at all aware of brandi carlile’s sexuality, or about the kinds of people who’d go to a concert like this. she decided it didn’t matter. if the incredibly straight influencer wanted to go see dyke music with elphaba, elphaba would take her.

elphaba was nervous. she’d invited glinda on somewhat of an impulse, and now, standing outside the venue, kicking her feet in the dirt, she felt a bubble of anxiety in her chest. their first meeting had only been a couple of sentences exchanged. what if it was awkward, seeing each other for the first time since then? she had arrived early—probably too early, judging by the fact that hardly anyone was here yet, and was about to return to her van and listen to music in the driver’s seat when she saw a golden blur hurtling toward her at very fast speeds.

glinda pulled herself to an abrupt and impressive stop nearly a foot away from elphaba and beamed. “hello!”

“hi,” elphaba returned a smile, and turned to head inside.

glinda followed and then slid in beside her. “i like your outfit. very dapper.”

as they entered the lobby, elphaba looked down automatically. she had dressed, as she often did, with stock wardrobe pieces she had in different color variations. dress pants, dress shirt, waistcoat. simple, easy, butch. she suspected dapper was a compliment, but coming from someone with glinda’s background, it was hard to tell. she thanked her, regardless. “and i like yours! event appropriate.”

she was referring, of course, to the cowboy boots, which nicely complemented glinda’s mock-patchwork sundress.

glinda’s smile got even brighter, and she kicked her boots together gleefully. “thank you!”

elphaba looked around. outside, it had seemed like barely anyone was there, but the inside of the venue felt much more crowded. the line for merch was already long, as was the line for snacks and drinks, but she felt glinda gravitating toward the latter and followed to wait with her. while the herds of concertgoers had her on edge, as large groups often did, she realized that glinda’s presence had the opposite effect. it was easy, standing beside her, commenting on cowboy hats of passersby and running through brandi carlile’s discography to guess at what she’d play. people still stared—of course they did, they always did—but with glinda beside her, their gazes softened somewhat, as though her presence made elphaba’s less bizarre. huh.

elphaba hadn’t planned on getting anything, but after watching glinda’s purchase of a coors light and a pack of skittles, got a water bottle and a kitkat bar. she checked her watch. they had a little bit of time before they had to be in their seats. she wasn't sure a second line was worth it, for herself or for nessa, but she was willing to check out the merch table if glinda wanted.

she turned to glinda to ask about it, but closed her mouth. someone else in the line had just recognized her companion.

“holy shit,” the person called, “are you @glindathegoodwife?”

glinda clapped her hands together. “yes! as a matter of fact!”

elphaba trailed behind her as they went over to say hello, stunned at the audacity of some people. but after all, she’d hardly been any better.

“can i have your autograph? i mean—would you take a—”

“of course, dear.”

elphaba wordlessly offered to photograph them together, marveling all the while. glinda really was famous, then. elphaba wondered how much of her popularity was due to a genuine following, and how much to controversy, but her inclination was to believe it was a mix of both.

“enjoy the show!” glinda called, as they stepped away. to elphaba, she stage-whispered, “i’m so sorry about that!”

elphaba threw a glance over to the merch table as they passed and finally saw enough of it to decide nothing spoke to her. “oh, that’s alright. does that—does that happen often?”

“constantly.” glinda thought for a moment, and then her eyes went wide. “did you think—when we first met—oh my goodness. heavens. i probably came across as awfully conceited, didn’t i?”

she had, of course. but elphaba wouldn’t say that. “it’s not surprising you made that assumption, considering. but i do watch your channel sometimes now.”

they had gotten to the usher, and handed their tickets over, so elphaba almost missed how bright pink glinda turned as she’d said that. thank god she’d seen it.

after they got directions to their seats, glinda turned to her, and said, “you really don’t have to. the recipes i send are really, a much better—”

“i promise i enjoy them; the videos are interesting!” and they were, if nothing else, interesting. plus, nessa had been right. her outfits were always to die for.

“oh,” glinda said, as everyone turned to leave after the encore song finished, “can we stay out?”

elphaba turned to look at her. it was late, and she’d had a fantastic time, certainly, but, “don’t you have to go home?”

glinda’s eyes were shining. she was still visibly buzzing with excitement, bouncing on her toes as she waited to exit the aisle. “i didn’t tell him what time i’d be back,” she said, somewhat sheepishly, “so…”

the words were out of elphaba’s mouth before she had time to think about them. “ice cream?”

“i wouldn’t complain.”

and so, ice cream it was. well, gelato, actually. whenever elphaba wanted to brave the market, bottega gelato was a frequent pit stop, so rather than head toward the crowded parking lot, they walked there.

despite the difference in their heights, they fell in-step easily once they started talking.

“i can’t even remember the last time i went to a concert,” glinda told her, humming ‘raise hell’ to herself whenever there was a pause in the conversation. “maybe i was still in high school.”

“who did you see?”

she hummed a little more. “leeann rimes.”

“you do like country!”

“i like women in country,” she shrugged. “i like some men in country. i like them better when they’re singing about something real.”

elphaba made a noise of agreement.

“what about you, who’s the last act you saw?”

“rainbow kitten surprise, i think! nessa and i go a fair bit. it’s our second favorite hobby.”

“what’s the first?”

“bitching,” elphaba grinned. “mostly about other people, corporations, society as a whole, each other, you know.”

glinda laughed. “does—” she looked like she was searching for a polite way to ask, “does she do okay, at concerts?”

elphaba nodded. “we do our research; we don’t go to standing room only ones, and most facilities do have to have accessible options.”

“that’s nice.”

when they arrived at the shop, elphaba held the door open for glinda, who nodded her head gracefully, and then giggled. as elphaba followed her, she was greeted with the warm scent of waffle cones. it was less crowded than usual, almost empty at this hour. given glinda’s wealth and her excitability, elphaba was immediately struck with a fear that her new acquaintance—friend, maybe? would be the type of person to try every flavor available.

it seemed the person behind the counter anticipated something similar, because after a quick greeting, they added, “no rush. y’all can take your time.”

“aw, you’re such a doll,” glinda smiled. “i may just have to take you up on that.”

efficiency had always been the name of the game for the thropp sisters in any customer service interaction, but elphaba decided to trust the poor shop employee and tried desperately not to feel embarrassed by the time glinda was on her sixth little taster spoon.

in the end, she settled on pistachio. elphaba got hazelnut. it was a nice night, one of those early summer nights where the air stayed warm after the sun disappeared, but not too warm, so they sat at a table outside.

the entire concert, glinda had been animated, excited, singing the songs to every song she knew and most of the ones she didn’t. but now she was quiet, almost contemplative. elphaba thought again about what nessa had said, that first time she showed her glinda’s channel. this is the saddest woman i have ever seen in my life.

maybe she was the saddest woman elphaba had ever seen, too.

it was hard not to ask. elphaba had been very good at not asking. they certainly didn’t know each other well enough for something as presumptuous as, ‘are you happy?’ and certainly not, ‘are you happy, you know, in your marriage?’ but she wanted to know. she felt an odd sort of protectiveness over her, despite not really knowing her situation, and she wanted to know more, to see if the instinct was right. she asked something else instead. “when you were a kid, what did you wanna be when you grew up?”

glinda looked up, surprised. “oh, a lot. i’m sure i changed answers every day. singer, dancer, movie star. i desperately wanted to be famous.”

elphaba laughed. “how’s fame treating you now?”

“oh, you know. i have a moderate following, i can’t complain.” she hesitated, seeming to remember something. “actually, for a while, in high school, i thought about going into architecture. but that was as unrealistic as the rest of them, of course.”

elphaba didn’t need to ask her if she gotten married young. if getting married had stopped her from becoming an architect. she could feel it in that last sentence as loudly as if glinda had said it all out loud. she nodded.

“what about you?”

“oh,” elphaba sighed, “a doctor, for a while, and then a vet, and then i thought i wouldn’t get a job, i’d just take care of nessa, but she did not like that idea.” elphaba laughed. “she said she fully intended to get a job, and i’d better get my own so i wouldn’t get bored.”

“what does she do?”

“she’s…a critic?” elphaba shrugged. “kind of a journalist. she writes reviews for movies, restaurants, anything, really. people kept telling her she had to specialize in something, but she has opinions on everything.”

“and what do you do?”

“have i never said?”

“you don’t talk about yourself much, to be honest.”

“...huh.” she hadn’t realized that. “i teach.”

“kids?”

“yeah.” elphaba scraped the bottom of her gelato cup. “eighth grade u.s. history.”

“huh,” glinda furrowed her brow. “aren’t eighth graders terrible?”

“they can be,” elphaba admitted, “but really, they just want to be seen. they want to be treated like people. so many things are changing in their lives and in their bodies, and their self-esteem is in the toilet, and it’s like, if i can challenge them to be their own people, form their own opinions, and defend them…they feel real. they feel like they did something cool.” she swallowed and looked down. she’d talked more than she meant to.

“oh,” glinda said, “so you’re a saint, then.”

elphaba laughed, startled. “certainly not. it’s not easy, it’s just…worth it.”

Glinda from TikTok
Is today another ‘not much’ day? Or do you have any other secret concert tickets I should know about?

volunteering actually!

Glinda from TikTok
Oh? Do you volunteer a lot?

sometimes the library, sometimes planned parenthood, sometimes the zoo.
depends on who needs the help the most. today is a food not bombs day!

Glinda from TikTok
Oh.

elphaba didn’t know what to say to that. was it disappointment? she bit her lip. it was probably the planned parenthood one that got her in trouble. talking to glinda was always so easy, so comfortable, she’d forgotten she might need to censor herself, forgotten that they might have…slightly different political opinions. her thumbs hovered above the keyboard, trying to think of an explanation that would get the conversation back on track. she started a couple of times and then deleted it all.

Glinda from TikTok
Wikipedia said most chapters are vegan or vegetarian. Is yours?

oh. glinda had been googling food not bombs. relief flooded over elphaba and she let out a shaky sigh.

yes! sorry that you had to look it up, i should have just explained!
i’m actually using one of your recipes today :)

Glinda from TikTok
How sweet!

what are you up to?

Glinda from TikTok
I need a new TikTok profile pic, so I pulled out the ol’ ring light.

elphaba did not possess any qualifications when it came to evaluating profile pictures that glinda’s audience would approve of. this did not stop her from volunteering to help.

i might not be able to reply right away, but feel free to send pics if you can’t decide!

Glinda from TikTok
🥺

volunteer work was something that elphaba did by choice, something she loved doing, but it was still work. today, though, having glinda to text on her breaks and in between rushes made it fly by completely. she really had a knack for taking pictures of herself. and elphaba liked to be useful.

by the time she got home that day, they were still texting, even though glinda had long ago decided on a new profile picture. in the process, elphaba had also acquired a contact photo for glinda, one particularly silly one that elphaba knew she’d want to look at again. she did not, however, bother changing glinda’s contact name, because it amused her to leave it that way.

glinda still didn’t have a picture for elphaba yet, but she’d told her she was waiting for the right moment to capture one herself.

this pleased elphaba, despite her general dislike of being photographed, but she conveyed neither of these things to glinda. instead, they chatted about phantom of the opera until they both fell asleep.

the second time they met up, they went to the aquarium. glinda had some specific sponsorship deal with a brand debuting there and had agreed to film some content for a day-in-the-life tiktok. “I want to actually explore, after, and i’d love the company,” she’d told elphaba, so elphaba went.

she wondered, as she drove, what glinda’s husband was up to today. it was a saturday; shouldn’t her weekend hours be dominated by his presence? shouldn’t he…come to something like this? to support her? she didn’t understand it. she didn’t think she could.

glinda met her in the parking garage, loading the last of her film equipment into a very expensive car. elphaba didn’t feel ashamed of her hunk of junk ADA van—charles was a family member, thank you very much—but she certainly marveled at the difference.

glinda caught her staring and grinned sheepishly. “a birthday gift,” she admitted, and elphaba could only nod.

“did anyone help you film today?”

“no,” glinda said, and there was no discernible emotion behind it. she closed her truck with a soft click. it echoed around the concrete walls as if she’d closed it much louder. “i do everything alone.”

“i could have come earlier—”

“oh, goodness no.” her tone was much livelier now. “i’d never dream of asking such a thing.”

and to elphaba, who wouldn’t have even blinked at the suggestion, this was madness. but she shrugged. “shall we?”

“let’s!”

as they walked through the parking lot, elphaba asked, “could any of your other friends not make it?”

“i didn’t ask any of my other friends,” glinda said, looking like somehow her feathers had puffed up. “i thought of you. you seem like the kind of person who’d have opinions about fish.”

elphaba laughed. “i do. do you?”

glinda’s nod was solemn and serious. “of course.”

elphaba paid her admission, glinda showed her ticket, and they went in. the lobby of the aquarium was a large, open space, with hallways branching out into different themed exhibits. in the back of the atrium, two glass doors opened into an outdoor tidepool with an ocean overlook, and they let the sea air breeze through.

“you’re awfully inquisitive today,” glinda told her, subtly guiding them both left, in the direction of a large overhead fish tunnel.

elphaba let it happen. “i’m always inquisitive. i like information.”

“alright, then. what else do you want to know?”

elphaba hummed. she got lost in thought for a moment, watching the quick and shy movements of a clownfish, and then looked back at glinda. “you’re an advocate for a certain kind of lifestyle. what do you like about it?”

glinda looked taken aback for a second. “aren’t you some kind of…feminist? i’ve been expecting your—your judgement, or your disgust, or—”

elphaba shook her head. “i don’t understand it. but part of supporting gender equality means supporting, you know, a woman’s right to choose. if this is the life you chose, then i’d like to know why.” there was so much she wasn’t saying. so many quick judgements and harsh criticisms and unbuoyed cynicism about housewifery that exists only between herself and her sister, but—but. that wasn’t the way she wanted to be with glinda.

glinda still looked shocked. “i’m touched. confused, but touched. you have seen my comments section, haven’t you?”

nessa had shown her. this was part of the reason elphaba had elected to never criticize glinda’s choices to her face. the unbearable entitlement and cruelty of the people who claimed to want the best for glinda had been difficult to read, and elphaba could not imagine such ‘well-intentioned’ ridicule thrown at her. “they’re extremely presumptive,” was what elphaba settled on.

“exactly.” glinda pointed to a small shark darting out from behind a rock. the delight in her face was apparent, and it brought a matching smile to elphaba’s face too. “i think…well, there’s a few things i like. service,” she said, “is the biggest. i like to take care of people. i like the organization, of course, and the cooking…” she trailed off, still staring at the fish. “but mostly, it’s the clear expectations. the rules. the traditions. i like to know my place.”

before elphaba could speak, glinda looked up to interrupt. “that sounded bad. i don’t mean that, i only meant—i-i like to know what’s expected of me.”

it had sounded bad. but elphaba was still stuck on the striking comparisons between what glinda had said and what she knew of formal and long-term kink arrangements. it took all of her self control not to point this out. and, frankly, it also sounded like what she knew of symptoms of autism. she didn’t point this out, either. “it sounds comforting. i get it,” she said, though she wasn’t sure she completely did, “i like routines too. and clarity.”

glinda looked relieved that elphaba had not pounced on her slip of the tongue, which really only made elphaba worried about the kind of company glinda usually kept.

“what about—”

“chuffrey?”

“yeah,” elphaba said softly, “what do you love about him?”

there was no hesitation in her voice at all when she said, “security. safety.” she smiled, and there was no light in her eyes at all when she said, “he has very strong arms.”

disturbing. “what’s his personality like?”

“he’s very smart.” she swallowed and moved further down the tunnel.

elphaba shook her head and trailed after. they would simply have to move on from that statement. luckily, they turned a corner and smacked right into the jellyfish. the room was dark, each tank designed so that the creatures themselves glowed as they pulsed through the water. toward the center of the room, there was a large cylindrical enclosure, entirely full of moon jellies. they came to a stop directly in front of it, and stared.

they didn’t talk for a long while, slowly settling into a comfortable silence as they stood side by side, enchanted by the movements of the invertebrates behind the glass. the music in this room was trance-like too, calming and gentle.

as they finally turned away, glinda asked, “what about you?”

“what about me?”

“have you ever—considered…?”

i hate marriage, was on the tip of elphaba’s tongue, as it always was. it isn’t for me, was right there too. but instead she said, “it’s rare. for me to feel anything like that.”

glinda considered this for a moment. “there‘s probably one of those…funny little labels for something like that, isn’t there?”

“oh sure,” elphaba said, barely taking any offense.

“you’ve never been in love?”

“once,” elphaba answered, and left it at that. in a brighter voice, she said, “if you take me to see the rays, i might cry.”

“CRY?” glinda looked around, embarrassed to be shouting. “whatever for?” she asked, at a far more normal level.

elphaba shrugged. “i just like ‘em.”

“well, we must see them. immediately.”

before elphaba could blink, her hand was in glinda’s, and she was getting tugged toward the rays’ feeding pool. elphaba didn’t know if glinda had thought about it. if this was normal for her. it certainly wasn’t normal for elphaba, whose comfort with physical touch was limited strictly to besties and family (which in her case, was just nessarose, on both counts). but she didn’t want to let go. did that make glinda a bestie, then?

in her defense, elphaba did try not to cry when she saw the sting rays. but running her hands along their smooth fins, she felt tears welling in her eyes. “pathetic, i know,” she said, wiping her cheek on her shoulder so she didn’t have to lift her hands out of the pool.

“no,” glinda said softly. “it’s…” she cleared her throat, and an expression of pure, smug, pride settled over her features. “i knew you had opinions on fish.”

Chapter Text

all month long, it had seemed like elphaba and nessa just kept missing each other. nessa often went out on her own for her work, and as a freelancer she kept her own hours, but still, elphaba was used to seeing her more than this. nessa was just arriving home as elphaba got ready to go out again one evening, another meet-up with glinda. they’d been doing that more and more regularly, which…in fairness, was probably part of the problem. but elphaba still suspected nessa was up to something.

nessa rolled into the doorway, looked at elphaba’s outfit, and raised an eyebrow. “are you going out with your tradwife again?”

“she’s not a—” elphaba stammered. glinda kind of was a tradwife. “she’s not my—” she cleared her throat. “we’re not going out. it’s—” she felt herself blushing and decided to quit while she was ahead.

nessa just looked at her for a moment, and then started cleaning off her wheelchair wheels with an amused expression.

“well,” elphaba said, and decided to play offense, “what have you been up to, anyway? you’re never here anymore!”

“been going on dates with this married couple.” she delivered this piece of news with perfect nonchalance.

elphaba cackled, nearly doubled up with laughter. the relief of having the attention off of her and the ridiculousness of what her sister had said bubbled the rest of her anxiety away. and then she saw her sister look up, still smiling, but perfectly serious. elphaba caught her breath, and asked, “you’re not joking?”

“no.”

“how—wh—”

“speed dating.”

“you met a married couple? at speed dating? what were they doing there?”

nessa sighed, exasperated. “they were there as individuals. they’re poly; they, i dunno, thought it would be fun if they each met someone.”

it was elphaba’s turn to stare. “what were you doing there?”

“the company’s event page claimed it was an accessible event, and i wanted to write them a scathing review if it wasn’t. sadly, they had great accommodations, so i had to write something genuine.”

“how terrible for you.”

“i know.” nessa smiled.

elphaba knew her sister, though, and knew her sarcasm about her job was hiding something else. some real sincere feeling, and she wanted to get to the bottom of it. “so…how’d it go?”

“i had excellent chemistry with both of them.” she grinned wider. “it was kind of a cool set-up actually. very bi friendly. i talked to lots of people who could have been good friends, but both of them…” she bit her lip. “they could be good something else, maybe.”

elphaba could have met her sister’s teasing with teasing, but she wanted to keep her talking, so she went with, “oh, nessa, that’s wonderful. what are they like?”

“the guy’s really sweet, very handsome, he’s a little person and on that first chat we just had this, like, super passionate rant about disability advocacy and how that interacts with his field—he’s in agro-tech, and the girl—” nessa blushed. she actually blushed. “she’s just. so. gorgeous. and… so smart. and. she’s like, a lawyer, and—”

elphaba’s mouth hung open just a little. it was strange, to see nessa like this. when they were younger, she’d been sweet, shy, and charming, but into her late twenties, she’d become a lot more biting. seeing her talk about her two crushes was a lot more like how she’d been as a kid. elphaba was glad she’d decided to be sincere.

“anyway, i’ve been going out with them for like a month.” this, too, was said with nonchalance, though it really shouldn’t have been.

“what are their names?”

“boq and milla.” in the sweetest and most little sister voice elphaba had ever heard, nessa added, “if you’re not too busy convincing a straight woman to cheat on her husband, you should meet them next time they pick me up.”

elphaba clutched her heart in mock offense. maybe she should have been more of a bitch. “you’re ruthless today.”

“and you’re in looooove!” nessa’s eyes crinkled in delight as she swayed in her chair.

elphaba was doing her damndest not to blush again. trying to keep the attention on nessa, she said, “i’d love to meet them. and then tell them every embarrassing baby story about you i know.”

it was nessa’s turn to clutch her chest. “you’d never,” she said, but she was laughing. “seriously, elphaba.” she sighed, and quite sincerely herself, added, “i love you. i want you to be happy. i hope glinda makes you happy.”

“yeah—you too. i hope boq and milla make you happy too.” elphaba turned to leave and then spun around. “she’s just my friend, you know.”

“uh-huh. sure.”

she twirled back toward the door, calling “goodbye, nessarose!” and let it close behind her on the way out.

but elphaba could still hear nessa's voice, bright and satisfied, when she replied, “goodbye!”

the roller derby rink was loud. the inside of elphaba’s head was louder.

as easy as it was for elphaba to say things to glinda about nessa’s independence, the fact of the matter was that elphaba really was still processing it. her whole childhood had been characterized by their father’s insistence of elphaba’s role in nessa’s caregiving. and even when they’d moved out, it had still been hard for them to redefine their dynamic. at first, nessa had still expected elphaba’s assistance. but the more time they spent away from frexspar, the more she’d realized she could do some things—most things—on her own, and that elphaba could help but didn’t need to.

it had taken elphaba much longer to get to the same conclusion. nessa was her baby sister. wasn’t this her job? but no—elphaba thought of the way she’d looked in the doorway: happy, confident—nessa had been grown up for a while. her sister was dating a married couple and had been for weeks without saying anything—she was doing just fine. she was certainly up to some unexpected things, but she was fine, and comfortable, even.

and rude. god, was she rude. the rest of the conversation elphaba’d had with her sister—the bits pertaining to elphaba’s own love life—felt even harder to process. especially with glinda by her side.

she was distracted as she showed glinda around the arena. they slowly weaved their way through throngs of derby fans, toward the row of snack vendors. elphaba was still overwhelmed by the noises both within her head and without; she kept bumping into people to avoid brushing up against glinda, scared of what touching her would mean.

she’d done her best to play off nessa’s jokes, but they were still knocking around in her head. was this—all of this with glinda—wildly inappropriate? did glinda see it that way? probably not. she had other friends, of course, and she probably did things like this with all of them. elphaba wouldn’t know. she didn’t have friends.

“oh,” elphaba heard herself say, “they actually have really good veggie dogs. there’s lots of crossover between the roller derby community and the vegans.” the crossover, of course, was mainly lesbians, but she didn’t say that out loud.

“are they better than the reg—oh, i suppose you wouldn’t know.”

elphaba shrugged. “supposedly!”

regardless of the optics, elphaba hadn’t meant for her hangouts with glinda to be construed that way at all. glinda was her friend. she liked having a friend. even one from such a different world, with such a different life. she liked their conversations, she liked her laugh, she liked the bubble of warmth that surrounded her everywhere she went. that didn’t mean she was in love with her, whatever nessarose might think.

when they got to their seats, veggie dogs in hand, glinda turned to her. “so! what do i need to know?”

elphaba looked out over the crowd, down onto the court. “do you see how there’s one player on each team with a different helmet?”

glinda nodded. “they have…a cover over their helmet? with a big star on it?” she took a bite of her veggie dog. “this is good.”

elphaba grinned. “exactly. that cover means they’re the jammer. on each team, only the jammer can score points, and everyone else is a blocker. with me so far?”

“i think so. how do they score?”

“the blockers are running both offense and defense at the same time, and at the start of each jam—that’s a round—they’ll form a pack. both jammers have to pass the pack to start the jam, and then after that, they’ll lap them, and every person they pass after that…will…”

glinda’s eyes had glazed over.

“okay, i’m losing you.”

“no, i mean. not really.” she laughed, self-aware. “it’s just. a lot of information.”

“yes,” elphaba answered apologetically. “i promise it’s easier to understand when you can see it.”

“keep going?” glinda nodded at her, encouraging.

“each person they pass on that second lap is a point. and they each can end the round if they put both hands on their hips.”

“does it happen fast? why would you want to stop a round?”

“if you had way more points. and yes it does, they’re all around two minutes.” elphaba was shocked at the fact that she had a harder time describing roller derby than all of u.s. history. she just had more practice with the latter.

“and who are we rooting for?” glinda laughed. “perhaps i should have asked that, first.”

elphaba looked at the two teams. one decked out in all red, the other in blue. “i like the red—that’s grave danger—they’re up against ship wreckers today. but you can cheer for whoever you like, after you see them play. i won’t judge.”

“alright.” glinda looked satisfied enough, and cast her eyes around the crowd as she finished her veggie dog.

elphaba, finally starting to eat her own, tried to see what she saw. people with dyed hair, with tattoos, people of indeterminable gender, and so, so many queer couples. elphaba felt right at home. her ex had introduced her to the sport—sarima had played herself, and elphaba had gone to her bouts—and elphaba had gotten hooked. she still went, years later, for the love of the game, the feeling of community, and the fact that crowds like this hardly looked twice at the color of her skin. she loved the punks, the goths, and the dykes, and she hoped they didn’t all just seem like freaks to her companion.

when she was done eating, elphaba collected their food trash and tossed it into a nearby basket. glinda pulled out her hand sanitizer, eyes still taking in the environment as she offered some to elphaba.

glinda didn’t seem uncomfortable, but she certainly looked out of place. with her white cardigan sweater draped around her shoulders and her floral dress, she looked like she’d wandered in from a church bake sale. “i like it,” she declared, turning back to elphaba with a smug look.

“we haven’t even watched a bout yet?”

she closed her eyes. “it’s exciting! and loud. loud in a way you can feel.” she held her hand to her heart, thumped it in time with the music, and then opened her eyes. “may i?”

elphaba nodded, unsure what she was agreeing to before it happened. glinda reached her hand out and placed it on elphaba’s chest, right where her own heart was.

“don’t you feel it?”

elphaba’s heart thrummed out of her ribcage. the contact, the music, the audience members chattering loudly just to hear each other, it was all so much. she could only nod again, eyes wide.

“i can tell!” glinda beamed and took her hand away.

as she did, elphaba let out a long exhale. she felt…strange. less overwhelmed, but more of something she couldn’t put a finger on.

and then the whistle blew, and the game began.

they got caught up in the excitement of it for a while, barely speaking at all to each other except to gasp or nudge when something happened. but then, as grave danger’s jammer was stuck in the middle of the pack, no longer in the lead, glinda’s face fell. “she’s stuck,” she whispered.

“watch,” elphaba said, because she could see the star pass about to happen, and she hoped they’d pull it off.

the jammer passed the star-emblazoned covering from her helmet to a player nearby, transforming her into the new jammer, and upon receiving the covering, the new jammer took off like a rocket. now free of the pack, she easily took the lead.

glinda’s eyes were shining. “that’s allowed?!”

“yes,” elphaba laughed, “it’s called a star pass.”

“incredible.” glinda leaned into close so that her whole body knocked into elphaba’s. “will you bring me here again? i think i could get addicted to this.”

elphaba thought about nessa’s teasing. she thought about the feeling of glinda’s hand on her chest. of glinda’s hand in her own at the aquarium, wondering if glinda was a best friend. elphaba wanted to do this again. elphaba wanted a best friend. “of course i will.” elphaba thought, i have a best friend.

when elphaba got home, nessa was in her pajamas on the couch.

she waved at her sister wordlessly as she headed to her room, too tired to say hello properly. she threw on a t-shirt and sweatpants before trudging back out and joining nessa on the couch. the tv rolled the credits of something, completely muted. “i thought about what you said.”

“oh?”

“i’m not in love with her. i think i’m just—” elphaba searched for the words. “i’m just really glad to have a friend.” she swallowed. “i don’t want to fuck it up.”

nessa reached a hand for one of elphaba’s and squeezed it. “okay,” she said. “you won’t.” she wasn’t looking at elphaba in disbelief, or teasing her at all, but something in the lightness of her tone suggested she was being careful anyway. “are you okay?”

elphaba let out a long sigh. “yeah.”

“i’m glad you have a friend, too. i—i worry about you sometimes, you know? during the school year, you work…constantly, even when you get home, and then in the summer you’re either in your room or volunteering or—” she shrugs. “i don’t know. you stay busy, but you don’t seem happy. usually—i mean. and i was teasing earlier because…it’s just been nice, to see you happy.”

“oh,” elphaba said. “i didn’t realize—i—i’m sorry for worrying you.”

“pfft.” nessa rolled her eyes. “i don’t need an apology, elphaba. i just want you to care about you, too.”

“i’m trying.”

“that’s all i can ask for.”

elphaba nodded. she let the silence linger for a while longer, and then said, “can we watch a movie? i really wanna watch a movie.”

“comfort movie or new movie?” nessa reached for the remote with her free hand and elphaba passed it to her with hers.

“mmm. comfort.”

“princess bride it is.”

Chapter Text

the thing about tiktok user @glindathegoodwife was that she was, in fact, a good wife. the best, she liked to think, when she was doing particularly well. the rules and regulations that she followed in order to live up to her handle were numerous and detailed, a ruleset she’d given herself long before she’d ever met chuffrey. generally speaking, when something threatened the system she’d built, she could only wrap the rules around herself tighter, dig herself in deeper, and stride forward with her head in the sand. which she should have been doing ever since she first laid eyes on elphaba thropp.

sometimes she lied to herself, pretending it was a challenge. like spending all this time with elphaba was a test of her will, a way to prove to herself she wouldn’t stray from her goals and from the person she knew she was. but if she was truly serious about maintaining those goals, she would never have given elphaba her phone number in the first place. would never have gone out to a concert, or to the aquarium, or, heaven forbid, that roller derby game.

but when glinda was with elphaba, the house of cards she’d built her life on collapsed in an instant. she wondered if she’d be able to build a better one if she’d gotten the chance to study architecture. glinda chose to spend time with elphaba because she wanted to. because she had no willpower whatsoever. and because she was in love with her.

one of the personality traits that glinda had been taught to value and embody since birth was respect. respect for authority figures, certainly, but respect for your fellows, for your friends, was just as important. and the way that elphaba treated her—treated everyone she seemed to come across, was with a respect that overwhelmed and astounded. it wasn’t just her manners, though elphaba was quite good with those, it was an awareness of each person around her, their needs, their time, their value, that she always granted her attention. never once had she said anything untoward about glinda’s occupation, though glinda was almost positive elphaba didn’t approve of it.

elphaba’s courtesy wasn’t a front, a persona, or a show, it was inherent and natural. she was considerate and kind and stuck to her own moral code. she advocated for anyone less fortunate than her and did it with grace. she was good—a good person, a good friend, certainly a good teacher, glinda didn’t need to see her in action to believe that, and glinda was lucky to know her. she just couldn’t love her. shouldn’t love her.

surely, it wasn’t too late to stop spending time with her. to go back to the rules and the videos she didn’t really believe in and the knowledge that she’d never be anything more than this. it wouldn’t be that hard. if glinda was smart, she’d cancel their plans for tomorrow and never text her again.

but, really, she’d never claimed to be smart.

Chapter Text

“and you guys will be in lane seven!”

“okay, thank you so much!” elphaba took the loaner shoes from the attendant at the counter and gestured with her head for glinda to follow her lane seven. the bowling alley was old in a comfortable way, like a couch with indents from decades of use. the graphics on the screens above each lane hadn’t been updated in at least a decade, and the carpet, though clean, was satisfyingly out of date. only a few other lanes were occupied at this hour, though their fellow bowlers looked to be enjoying themselves. elphaba and glinda changed their shoes quickly, laughing a little at the fact that glinda had clearly been handed child sized ones with velcro, and then selected their bowling balls.

“it’s been a long time since i’ve done this,” glinda admitted, “but i saw they had a late-night discount and i thought it would be fun.”

“i don’t think i’ve been since high school,” elphaba said, “and i really only went once.” she didn’t go a lot of places without nessa back then, and she’d had little choice in the matter at the time. it had been a debate club field trip—mandatory team bonding, and she’d hated almost every minute of it. she didn’t feel that same pit of dread in her stomach now, though, only the same lightness she always felt at spending time with glinda.

glinda was fiddling with the set-up screen and looked up. “were you any good?”

“terrible.”

“so, you won’t make fun of me if i put the bumpers up?”

elphaba held her hand over her heart. “i would never do such a thing.” she leaned over to look at the screen. “can you put them up for me, too?”

“of course!” she finished entering their names and looked up again expectantly.

elphaba laughed. “elphie?”

“it’s cute! i thought it was cute.”

she considered it for a moment and then rolled her eyes, inordinately pleased. “alright, fine, elphie it is. are you ready?”

glinda chewed on her lip.

“nervous?”

“yes, a little.”

“i can go first, if you want?”

“no, no.” glinda stood up and hoisted her ball experimentally. “i’ve got this.” with the same confidence she did everything else, she strode up to the platform, swung her arm, and the ball careened down the lane, bouncing back and forth between the two bumpers with wild abandon until it took out two pins and fell behind the alley. she turned around at elphaba and grinned. “not too bad?”

“not at all!” elphaba said, laughing a little, “pins are pins. points are points.”

glinda bounced on her toes as she waited for the ball to return. “it’s true,” she said, “and i’ll get more on the next one.”

“certainly.”

she did not. her ball sailed perfectly through the space she’d created on the last turn, which caused her to double over in either laughter or defeat, elphaba couldn’t tell.

“at least you’re consistent!”

elphaba did not do much better. there was an awkwardness in her movements she felt all the time that bowling only seemed to enhance, and even though she knew everyone was mostly focused on their own games, it was difficult not to feel she was being judged by those in the lanes around them. her throw was, as a result, weak and wobbly, and it meandered down the lane before delicately defeating a singular pin.

“pins are pins!” glinda shouted from behind her.

she turned around and managed a half-smile. “that they are.” maybe she should apply more force next time.

as she waited for the ball to return, glinda asked, “besides sucking at bowling, what were you like in high school?”

“oh,” elphaba said, and picked up her ball. “weird. aggressive. kind of a loner.”

“do you think we would have gotten along?”

elphaba cackled. “no.” as she walked closer to the platform, she turned back, “but that’s not your fault. i just didn’t get on with anyone.”

she did a little better the second time around, taking out about three pins, which proved her theory regarding force, but the aim was certainly a problem.

“well,” glinda said when she returned, “i got along with everyone. so you never know, maybe we would have managed!”

she threw her ball almost exactly as enthusiastically as she had the first time, which resulted this time in about four pins.

it was a bit difficult to carry on a conversation while playing, since they were constantly taking turns, so eventually they fell into simple congrats and pointers. they slowly improved and got quickly out of breath. at the end of their first game, which glinda had barely won, they stopped to get drinks and take a short rest.

“you met chuffrey in high school, right?” elphaba asked, sipping her root beer and trying to determine if it was a brand she recognized. she decided it was. and not a particularly good one, but bad root beer was better than almost any other soda, so she didn’t mind terribly. “were you in the same year?”

glinda shook her head. “he was a year ahead of me, we met in pep band.”

“pep band! you play music? how am i just now finding this out?”

“i played flute,” glinda answered, laughing, “i wasn’t very good. he played trombone, and he was.”

elphaba nodded. “i played cello at school; they had some loaner instruments they let us use and i kind of taught myself. i was too scared to join the orchestra.”

“you should have,” glinda told her, eyes sparkling, “i bet you would have loved it.” she was silent for a few moments, swirling her drink, and then asked. “how did you meet your—the—” she cleared her throat. “you said you’d been in love ‘once,’ so…”

“oh.” elphaba swallowed. “college. at a party.”

“you went to parties?”

“i went to a party.” she shook her head. “nessa threatened to kill me if i spent my whole first year at school without going to a single one. so…” she shrugged. “but i met sarima there.”

“sarima.”

elphaba nodded again. “she was a psychology major. really powerfully kind and fiercely funny. she sort of decided we were dating before i even realized it was a possibility,” she chuckled, “and i really didn’t mind.”

glinda went quiet again. she looked like she was turning something over in her mind. “is it impolite to ask what happened?”

“a little,” elphaba teased, but she continued with, “um, incompatible life goals, really.” she took another sip. “she really wanted kids. and i, uh. don’t.” elphaba’s tone was easy, and it was easy to share with glinda. but the words failed to convey months of sleepless nights, tear-filled arguments, and a decision to part as friends resulting in little to no contact since. it had, at the time, broken both their hearts.

“oh,” glinda said, softly, “me neither.”

elphaba did her best to mask her surprise. she had supposed it was built-in to the tradwife lifestyle. “no?”

“nope.”

she was almost scared to ask, but her mouth moved before her brain, “does chuffrey?”

“yes.”

“oh,” elphaba said, just as soft. she wanted to ask so many things, so many of which she knew were over the line of politeness she’d just mocked glinda for crossing, but she hardly had time to formulate one before glinda rushed to speak again.

“please don’t tell anyone,” glinda asked, reaching reflexively for elphaba’s hand.

elphaba let her take it.

her eyes were wide, and her lip wobbled a bit as she stared at elphaba. “i honestly—i’ve no idea why i—i shouldn’t have—”

“hey,” elphaba said, as reassuringly as she could, “i won’t.”

glinda cleared her throat. “alright. i—thank you. i’m sorry.”

“it’s okay! it’s alright, seriously, i promise you there is nothing to be sorry for. not for—not—” elphaba tilted her head, frustrated at her own lack of eloquence. “you don’t have to be sorry for sharing that with me, and you especially don’t have to be sorry for feeling that way.”

glinda just nodded. she didn’t look like she believed her.

“but if it makes you feel better, we can pretend it didn’t happen?”

glinda nodded again, quicker this time. “let’s—shall we play another round?”

“i would love that.”

“me too.”

it had been a couple of days since they’d gone bowling and a couple of days since elphaba had heard anything from glinda. she’d gotten used to texting with her nearly every day, and the silence was unusual. elphaba was a little bit worried that it had something to do with their conversation about not wanting children, that glinda’s embarrassment—or whatever else it was she felt—may have prevented her from reaching out, as she was often the one who did. elphaba missed her, though, so she sent:

hope you’re doing ok! would love to hang out soon!

glinda replied only seconds later.

Glinda from TikTok
Oh, I'm just lovely! I’m trying out a new recipe today, do you want to come over and make it with me, see how it goes?

elphaba was stunned. for whatever reason, she hadn’t ever expected to see the interior of glinda’s home anywhere besides tiktok. she also hadn’t expected glinda to text back right away.

“nessa?” elphaba called out. “are you good to order something for dinner? i think i’m going out!”

it was silent for a moment. and then, “have fun with glinda!”

maybe nessa was avoiding teasing her because of her declaration about their friendship. or maybe the fact that nessa knew exactly where elphaba was going was a joke in it of itself. either way, elphaba just shouted, “thanks!” and flew out the door.

glinda had texted her address and left instructions for how to talk to the gate attendant once she arrived. the gate attendant. elphaba could scarcely imagine affording a home, let alone a home in a gated community.

once she made it through the gate, she drove slowly through the neighborhood, ogling at the houses, near identical and ostentatious as they were. glinda’s house was about four minutes and a couple of turns past the gate, which gave her plenty of time to decide she’d never want to live somewhere like this, even if she ever could afford it.

there was nothing to distinguish glinda’s house from the others besides its address, which felt wrong somehow. it was incongruent with both glinda’s self-expression and her interest in architecture, and elphaba couldn’t help but feel a bit…disappointed? maybe even sad. she rang the doorbell and shifted her weight from foot to foot.

glinda threw open the door. “elphie!” she exclaimed, “you’re here!” and crashed into elphaba with a massive hug.

the nickname was growing on her, she had to admit. she raised her hands slowly and wrapped her arms around her friend, returning the hug.

when glinda let her go, she took a step back and smiled. “i missed you!”

elphaba did not say, ‘well, you could have texted me anytime,’ but she did say, “i missed you, too.” she looked around. “is there somewhere i can put my shoes, or—”

glinda waved her off. “oh, you can keep them on.”

elphaba blinked, and looked down to see glinda was wearing the same height of heels she always wore when they went out, which despite their height, did very little to help her overall.

she kept her boots on, since she didn’t want to clutter up the walkway, but she knew she’d be hyperaware of her shoes on the carpets and the very nice hardwoods for the rest of the visit.

“your home is beautiful,” elphaba said, and meant it, following along as glinda led her into the kitchen. it did have some of that cookie-cutter vibe she’d picked up outside, but there was clearly a more personal, more glinda touch to the interior design, like the framed pictures of churrigueresque churches and the bright pink kitchen mixer. and it was all immaculate. not one item seemed out of place and elphaba would have struggled to locate even a single mote of dust.

“oh,” glinda shrugged. “hardly.” she started setting out ingredients and then paused, “though if the homeowner’s association can be persuaded, i do have a couple of ideas.”

“can i hear them?” elphaba asked, and then hurriedly added, “can i help with dinner?”

“no, no, have a seat at the island. i’ll use you later.” she tossed a couple more vegetables on the counter. “and no, well, i mean, not yet, i’m sketching them out, but i will show you when they’re complete.”

elphaba sat. she looked around at the kitchen, recognizing bits of backsplash and countertop from glinda’s videos, but all together it was far larger than she possibly could have imagined. “sounds good. what are we making?”

“broccolini pesto and orecchiette! have you made pasta before?

elphaba shook her head.

“this one’s fun. you can make the pesto super quickly in the food processor, and then i’ll show you the trick for the pasta. did you know orecchiette means ‘little ears’?” hardly waiting for elphaba to respond, she continued, “i watched all these videos of a bunch of little old italian ladies making it online and i can’t do it anywhere near as well or as fast as they can, but i’m getting there!”

elphaba watched her rummage around her kitchen as she went on. something about her demeanor seemed slightly…off? maybe she was nervous, still, about that last conversation. maybe elphaba hadn’t done enough to reassure her; she’d changed the subject, they should have talked about it more, or, or something, she didn’t know. she wanted to make it right, wanted to make sure everything was okay. “glinda? are you alright?”

“what?” she laughed, and yes, there, she was nervous. “perfectly alright, why do you ask?”

“you just seem…” elphaba shrugged. “are you nervous?”

“to cook for you?” glinda laughed again, still clearly shaky. “no, i’m confident in my abilities, of course. i know you’ll like it.”

“no, i mean…well, that’s good to know. but no, i—i was worried i—i apologize for bringing it up again, but i truly wanted to make sure you know i don’t think any less of you, or anything at all like that, because of what we talked about last time.” elphaba was getting embarrassed, felt a blush growing in her cheeks. she felt bad for resurrecting the conversation about children when it was so clearly a difficult topic for glinda, but she wanted to clear the air and make sure they were on the same page.

“oh.” glinda set down the last of her ingredients and turned to face elphaba. “i see.” she swallowed, her face morphing into a slightly horrified expression. “oh, gosh, elphie, did you think i was ignoring you? because of that?”

“no, not at all, there’s no—i don’t expect you to text everyday, i just got worried, because, well, we had been—”

“i’m sorry.” she seemed so utterly sincere. “it wasn’t that conversation, i promise. goodness.” she swallowed again. “i got much, much busier this past week, i should have reached out and explained, it’s just that sometimes when—” she cut herself off completely, and very quickly turned around, hiding her expression as she grabbed a pot and filled it with water. “i do apologize. but you’re ever so kind for worrying.”

elphaba wanted to believe her, she really did, but from the way she was acting, it was impossible not to feel like glinda was hiding something. “is…everything else okay?”

glinda took a long and steadying breath. “it is.” she turned back around, and had a smile on her face, almost as bright as her normal one. “i’m actually so glad that you’re here. i can’t tell you what it means to me.”

“of course,” elphaba answered, as earnestly as she could. “you’re—you’re important to me. it’s important to me that we spend time together.”

“oh,” glinda said again, this time much more emotionally, “oh, good. you’re important to me, too. now get over here and help me peel some garlic!”

“yes, ma’am,” elphaba said, laughing as she got up to help.

it was easy to cook with glinda. elphaba liked cooking by herself, liked cooking with nessa, but hadn’t had the opportunity to cook with anyone else in a long time. it was easy to share a space with her, easy to work around each other, to learn from her and to make a suggestion or two of her own.

the dough making process was messy, so glinda tugged off her rings and lined them all carefully on the counter. elphaba had never seen her without at least three—a rotating cast, with the exception of her wedding ring, of course. elphaba had a thumb ring on, so she set it perfectly spaced, next in the line, which made glinda’s eyes squish up in delight.

elphaba liked the resistance of the dough under her thumbs, and later, the brightness of the sauce as it danced on her tongue, but more than anything, she liked the lightness in her chest every time she made glinda laugh.

it was always nice to spend time with her, but something about being in her home felt different, like their friendship had jumped up a level, and elphaba was relishing it.

that is, she was, until glinda’s husband got home.

they had just finished scooping their own portions into their bowls and were finishing grating the pecorino to put on top when the sound of a key in the door made glinda flinch.

elphaba’s hackles went up immediately. she had promised herself not to judge, she had promised herself not to interfere, she had promised herself none of this was her business. and most importantly, she had wanted to prove to glinda she could be a good friend by not trashing her husband at every opportunity. she wanted glinda to feel safe with her, safe to share the kinds of confessions she had at bowling and anything else. but seeing that flinch—she wasn’t so sure she could hold herself back from saying something foolish if she had to interact with him.

“honey, i’m home,” chuffrey called out, genuinely sounding exactly like the husband in some ridiculous fifties television show.

glinda slipped her wedding ring back on. any indication that she was anything less than excited to see her husband was entirely gone from her demeanor when she called out, “oh, hi, hon, come to the kitchen! come meet elphaba!”

he wandered into the kitchen, and elphaba looked him up and down. he looked like the husband in some ridiculously fifties television show. he had the suit, the salt and pepper hair, and the smarmy and self-satisfied grin. she wanted to fight him on instinct alone. but she was being hasty, wasn’t she? didn’t glinda love her husband?

apparently, he had been looking elphaba up and down too, because the first thing he said was, “she’s green!”

“yes, dear,” glinda said, somewhat impatiently, “some people are green.”

elphaba did not know if that was true, if anyone else ever on earth had been green before her, but the statement amused her regardless. “it’s lovely to meet you,” she said, and reached out her hand, “i promise it’s not contagious.”

chuffrey chuckled, looking somewhat dubious, but took her hand anyway. he had a firm handshake, solid, but elphaba knew her own would be more than enough to impress him. he nodded and then released her hand to look at their bowls. his brow wrinkled.

“there’s enough for you, of course,” glinda said, “in the pot! i can serve you a portion if you’d like, though.”

his brow wrinkled further. “it looks…healthy.”

it looked green. elphaba didn’t think she was being slighted any further, but the coincidence was not helping his case.

“it’s only a little healthy, darling, there’s plenty of oil in there to clog up your arteries if you so choose.”

ah, so this was a recurring argument.

“i’ll have steak.”

glinda opened her mouth and then shut it. she nodded and then turned toward the fridge. “of course.”

“hang on,” elphaba said, and then groaned inwardly at herself. stop! stop now! this is not your place! but it was too late.

they both turned to look at her.

“i apologize for interrupting.” elphaba desperately tried to channel some level of her sister’s diplomatic voice she used in her more nuanced critiques as she said, “it’s just that—” god, how to play this? “i’d hate to make you wait for your dinner, of course, but ours is ready now, and i know glinda said only moments ago how excited she was to try it. i am as well, i mean, it looks delicious to me, and i would hate for hers to get cold while she worked on your steak.”

he shrugged. “she can reheat it. she does it all the time.”

elphaba could hardly contain her anger. she looked to glinda, hoping to get some kind of…clue? permission? but glinda was looking down at the counter, cheeks turning pink. fuck. “i know we’ve only just met, and i would hate to ruin your first impression of me,” elphaba couldn’t care less what he thought of her, only what glinda did, and she prayed to a god she barely believed in that this wouldn’t ruin things for their friendship, “but in my family we consider it rude to refuse a meal someone cooked for you. and we did cook plenty to ensure there would be a portion for you. it would be my honor and my privilege,” all lies, of course, “to share the result of mine and your wife’s hard work with you. even if it is a little,” she cleared her throat. “healthy.”

he looked chastened. he looked embarrassed. maybe even a little angry. but he nodded and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard.

“thank you, dear,” glinda whispered, and for a moment elphaba couldn’t tell if she was talking to chuffrey or to her, “it means a lot.”

“of course,” chuffrey answered, “your friend is right. you did work hard at this, i’m sure, and i was being an ass. can you forgive me?”

“always. let’s eat?”

“let’s eat.”

after somewhat of an awkward dinner, elphaba felt it was only fair to glinda to return the favor and invite her for dinner at her own house in return. though her apartment wouldn’t be much for glinda to look at, she had her suspicions that glinda might enjoy nessa’s company slightly more than elphaba had enjoyed chuffrey’s.

her suspicions were proved right almost immediately.

“nessarose, right? it’s so lovely to meet you! elphaba told me you were a fan of my channel?” glinda was enthusiastically shaking nessa’s hand as she said all of this, the full radiance of her charisma turned up as high as it could go.

nessa, bless her, did not even shoot an annoyed glance at elphaba, and lied through her goddamn teeth with an equal joy. “of course! i watch all of your videos!”

glinda took off her shoes, and nessa led them all into the living room, where elphaba was immediately left in the dust as they talked about fashion, fiber arts, and downloading patterns off etsy for about a half hour.

glinda’s curiosity about how nessa operated her sewing machine was respectful, and nessa’s engagement with the whole theme of glinda’s videos was minimal, and although elphaba felt somewhat left out of the discussion, she found herself weirdly proud of both of them, and more excited than she expected that they were getting along well.

for dinner, nessa had insisted on cooking, since the kitchen was small, and she ‘didn’t want to monopolize,’ all of glinda’s time with elphaba. which was sweet, or possibly devious, and elphaba couldn’t figure out which.

“what’re you going to make?”

“we still have some pierogi left, right? from when we made them together?”

elphaba could picture the ginormous tupperware in their fridge perfectly. “yes. more than ‘some.’”

nessa grinned. “perfect, i’ll get those ready.”

one thing that elphaba and her sister had in common was their ability to eat the same thing several days in a row. call it a same food, call it practicality, whatever it was, they found things they liked and they stuck to them. potato and cheese pierogi with onions and sour cream had been an all-week thing, and they were still just as excited about it as when they first had them.

“i like her,” glinda declared once nessa was in the kitchen, and still certainly close enough to hear such a statement said so boldly.

“yeah, she’s alright,” elphaba said, also loud enough for nessa to hear. and then, quieter, she added, “she’s really happy you’re here. not just because she’s a fan, but, i think she likes that i, you know, have a friend.”

glinda gasped and clapped her hands together. “it’s my honor! i love being your friend!”

something squeezed like a fist around elphaba’s heart. they’d said things like to each other all the time, but why did this one…hurt? “i love being yours, too.” she hadn’t been able to completely shake the protectiveness that had come over her at dinner at glinda’s house and still wanted to talk about it, but she wasn’t sure how to bring it up to her. she’d been a little worried that glinda would be upset with her about it, but she was here, so clearly, she wasn’t.

“i’m glad to hear it,” glinda said, and her tone was so genuine and relieved elphaba had to reach out and take her hand.

“of course!”

“it’s just that—after you came over—”

oh, no, she’d been worried about it too?

“after you came over, i was somewhat embarrassed. that you’d had to see—” she bit her lip.

“see what?” elphaba asked, as gently as she could.

glinda looked like she wanted to say a great many things. instead, she shook her head. “i should just say thank you.”

“oh. oh?”

“you—you were clearly upset, and you could have—you could have said a lot worse. you could have been cruel.”

she’d wanted to be cruel. she stayed silent.

“i know you don’t agree with—with my lifestyle, and you’ve always been so kind about it, and i was worried, i think, that if you saw it, you’d. you’d think i was—”

“hang on, glinda, did you think i’d be cruel to you?”

“no, of course not.” her voice got softer. “only maybe just that you’d no longer want to be my friend.”

“impossible.” the word came out with so much more emotion than elphaba had meant it. she cleared her throat. “i trust you to make the choices you need to for the life you lead.” it was almost entirely true. she had been kidding herself, a little, up until meeting chuffrey, that it was healthy, or that it even could be, to live a life like that. and maybe for other couples, that was still true. but elphaba had seen so clearly the truth of her friend’s unhappiness, and it was something she didn’t know if she could let herself ignore anymore.

glinda still looked like there was so much she wasn’t saying. but in the end, she just squeezed elphaba’s hand, and said, “thank you.”

“dinner’s ready! come get plates!”

nessa had pan-fried the pierogi with onions, and the smell had wafted into the living room by the time she was done. elphaba looked at glinda and nodded, and they both got up.

they ate in front of the tv, watching an ancient episode of survivor from the ‘heroes vs. villains’ season. elphaba and nessa had been making their way through the show slowly as background noise, but glinda remembered it from when it had aired originally.

“i used to really like the heroes team,” she was saying between bites and cooing over the pierogi, “but this time around i’m just rooting for sandra.”

“that’s correct,” elphaba told her, “the only choice, really.”

nessa liked the politics, glinda liked the obstacle designs, and elphaba was enjoying her ability to provide the scientific name of any animal they showed on the screen. and they all collectively booed every time russell was on the screen. it was a good dinner, really, warm, and fun, and it just kept surprising elphaba how easy it was to have glinda here.

when the episode was over, glinda asked nessa if she could see who else she was following on tiktok.

nessa glanced over at elphaba for a moment, almost as though asking permission for something. elphaba had no earthly idea what for, so she just shrugged. judging from the sudden glee behind nessa’s eyes, it was entirely possible she’d made the wrong choice.

“so,” nessa said, opening her app, “a lot of the content creators i follow are actually on queer tiktok?”

“is that right?” glinda’s voice was polite, and certainly curious, but elphaba was already worried she was out of her comfort zone.

“i mean, you’re a lifestyle tiktoker, you know people can make videos just about their daily lives and it gets lots of views? you should see the follower count on some of these people.”

elphaba watched as nessa flicked through a few accounts. glinda, to her credit, did seem more and more interested, leaning over nessa’s shoulder to get a better look.

what in the world was nessa playing at here?

“so,” glinda said after a lull between clips, “you are…also…?”

“bisexual. yes.”

glinda nodded. “is that—can i ask—”

“anything you want,” nessa said, “i’m always happy to explain things. about sexuality, or disability, or anything.”

this was not strictly true. people asked nessarose invasive questions like it was their job on a daily basis, and part of nessa’s guardedness as she’d gotten older had been a direct result of this. elphaba knew that she did like being an educator, on her own terms, however, and she was glad to see that nessa trusted glinda enough to offer.

“is it sort of equal, then? i’m sure that’s a common question, i apologize, but—”

“oh, between men and women you mean?” she looked at elphaba, “sort of, i mean, for me it means more than i can appreciate gender, and i like that it’s involved in my attraction to anyone, including, you know, like, nonbinary people.” she paused. “you do know about—”

“yes,” glinda said, so quickly that elphaba was unsure if she was lying. “of course.”

“for me,” elphaba said, “it’s kind of similar, except it’s that i really like women, and nonbinary people, and i can’t deny that occasionally some men are a little hot. once in a while.” she felt like there was something going on in this conversation that went beyond a simple explanation of terms and identity (which she felt ridiculous for participating in in the first place) but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was specifically. whatever it was, she blamed nessa entirely.

glinda laughed nervously. “some of them certainly are.”

“elphaba told me chuffrey was sort of classically handsome. is that your type?”

glinda laughed again. “i suppose you could say that. although, i don’t know if i have a type, per se, i think, handsomeness generally is quite attractive to me, regardless of the—of. sure. yes.”

nessa looked at elphaba again. she was trying to tell her something with her eyes. elphaba just shrugged again.

“i do appreciate your candor, though,” glinda told nessa, and her gratitude was clear in her voice, “elphie and i have only talked about this a little bit. i’ve been too shy to ask more.”

glinda wasn’t shy about anything. but before elphaba could defend herself, nessa interrupted. “elphie?”

“i thought it was cute,” glinda said, in a tone that suggested she was prepared to be defensive.

“oh,” nessa said, “it is very cute.” she looked delighted. too delighted.

“don’t you start,” elphaba begged, but she could tell it was already too late. her dignity would never recover.

“glinda, you truly have no idea what a gift you’ve given me today.”

glinda blushed. “you like it that much? i think it suits her.”

“it really does.”

Chapter Text

it was elphaba’s idea to go to a museum. it was glinda’s idea to go to a rock and mineral museum. it took them over twenty minutes of texting back and forth to settle on it, because, as it turned out, both of them would have gone to nearly any museum at any time just for the hell of it, let alone as an activity they could do together. rock and mineral, ultimately, was decided on because of its nearness to elphaba’s house and the special exhibit they were doing on malachite.

they met in the parking lot and walked in together. glinda, who was always physically affectionate, was even more so today, hooking her arm with elphaba’s right after her normal crushing hug. she was so small that sometimes elphaba worried a stiff breeze or a very large hawk could carry her away, so she was glad to hang on, as well.

the rock and mineral museum had, at some point, been a house. there was no furniture, and all the doors had been removed, save for one curtain leading to a dark room. the living room, dining room, and kitchen all connected in one long span. nothing in it seemed particularly new or particularly refined. it was a ramshackle collection of rocks of all sizes, organized loosely by color, and each variety of stone sported its own handwritten label. sometimes these labels even indicated who had donated them.

“so, how’ve you been?” elphaba asked as they stopped in front of a particularly large amethyst.

“really good! you know,” she began, gesturing with her free hand as she talked, “the channel has just been so successful lately, and chuffrey’s doing well at work, though they are keeping him busy, and oh! your sister texted me some of the skirt patterns i asked her for, and i started one of those just this saturday, i think it’s going to turn out very, very cute.” she turned to look at elphaba as they started walking again. “and you?”

elphaba chuckled. “good.”

“the volunteering?”

“good, yeah.” elphaba stopped at a rainbow of tiny carved jade elephants. she nodded at it approvingly before they continued on.

“and nessarose?”

“also good,” elphaba shrugged. “not much to report, i’m afraid.”

“hmm,” glinda said, pulling elphaba toward the darkened ultraviolet room. “let’s go in here.”

elphaba let herself get pulled through the curtain, and was struck by how quiet it was, her eyes adjusting to the darkness as she watched the rocks slowly light up the room. it reminded her a little of the jellyfish on display at the aquarium. she became aware, quite suddenly, of the sound and feeling of glinda’s breath beside her.

“okay,” glinda said, softly, “i could live here.”

“me too.” elphaba cleared her throat. “this is one of the few types of museums i got to go to as a kid, actually.”

“what do you mean?”

“nessarose had a rock phase, and if i was good, or if she was particularly persuasive, our father would let me come with her—”

“elphaba.” her tone was sharp and surprised.

“what?”

“what do you mean, if you were good, or if nessa was persuasive?”

elphaba shrugged. “i only got to do anything if she asked him if i could, really. he liked her better than me. who wouldn’t?”

glinda’s grip on her arm became vice-like. after a moment, she spoke with barely constrained rage. “no child should be made to feel that way. yes, sure, your sister is lovely, but so are you.”

elphaba found her throat too constricted to reply. she’d been trying to make a joke, of course, but it had been the wrong one.

“did—” glinda struggled to articulate her question for a moment. elphaba watched her in the dark, unable to define the emotion welling within her. “did he hurt you?”

“god, no.” elphaba answered quickly. some degree of distance convinced her to continue, to clarify, however, and so she said, “not physically. i would…consider what he did to be neglect, maybe.”

glinda was silent again for a while. “you took care of nessa, too. by yourself, mostly.” it wasn’t a question. she’d just known it.

“yes.”

“can i kill him?”

elphaba laughed. “he is already dead, i’m afraid. for what it’s worth, i think nessa got messed up by him too, you know? just in a different way. we talked it out a lot when we first moved in together, figured out how we felt about it all.” she couldn’t stop talking about it now that she’d started, feeling strangely unburdened by the darkness of the room and the closeness of her friend. “i downplayed it when you first asked. i’m sorry. it was awful, but it’s over now, and as much as we mourned him when he passed, i think our lives are better now.”

“woah,” glinda answered, and squeezed her arm tighter once more. “elphie, i—i am…i am so impressed by you. i am so sorry you had to go through that, but, goodness. it’s a miracle you are who you are after all of that.”

elphaba felt very hot and very cold all at the same time. she walked glinda slowly back out into the light, giving their eyes a moment to adjust. together, they drifted toward a collection of pyrite, and as their eyes lingered on it, elphaba asked, “what are your parents like?”

“perfectly lovely.” glinda’s voice was tight. she was lying.

elphaba didn’t know if glinda was protecting her parents or herself. she had gotten so good at not pushing when glinda closed up like this, but she wanted to know more, wanted it to feel fair. she felt raw from her own confession and only a little bit vulnerable. “alright,” she said, softly.

“it’s—it’s not—they weren’t—” glinda looked nearly as panicked as she had the last time she’d said something she hadn’t meant to. in the end, she just sighed. “they simply had—have—a lot of expectations, that’s all.”

elphaba just nodded. the tumult of emotions she’d been feeling since they walked into the dark room had only increased with this revelation, and the protectiveness she’d been feeling since their dinner at glinda’s had only increased as well. she felt dizzy. “i—i need a moment, i think.”

“oh. okay!”

elphaba slipped her arm from glinda’s and strode outside. the summer air felt still and hot. she collapsed against the exterior of the museum and sunk down along the wall until she sat on the ground. nothing had changed. nothing had changed. nothing fundamental about what she knew or supposed about glinda had changed. nothing about their relationship had changed. but the world had tilted on its axis. she was starting to realize things she hadn’t let herself feel for quite some time, and with a groan, elphaba buried her head in her hands.

glinda was probably worried about her. glinda was probably worried she’d said too much again. elphaba wished there was a way she could reassure her that she’d done nothing wrong, but she didn’t think she could face her yet. she didn’t want anything bad to happen to glinda, ever. she didn’t want anything bad to have happened to her, either, even though she knew that was something she couldn’t control. glinda in pain, glinda feeling like she wasn’t enough, the way her eyes had looked at bowling, at dinner—that world-tilting feeling made elphaba feel like she was falling from a very great height, with no sense of when she’d crash down on the ground.

elphaba loved her like a friend. the protectiveness was a symptom of that, a perfectly normal response to a combination of affection and injustice. anyone in her position would feel the same. but she’d fled, because when glinda had looked at her with fear in her eyes, all she'd wanted to do was hold her close and reassure her in any way she could, regardless of what it would say about their friendship. she’d wanted to murmur those reassurances into the crown of her hair and kiss her head. and while that alone pushed the boundaries of what could be considered platonic…she’d also just wanted to kiss her. fuck. she was fucked. she was so fucking fucked.

she leaned back against the wall with a sigh. the old house did nothing to steady her. she hadn’t wanted to feel this way. glinda was married, after all. elphaba’s disregard and dislike of the sanctity of marriage aside, glinda’s adherence to those principals mattered to her. glinda had made a promise, a commitment, in front of god and everyone else, to love one man for the rest of her life, and she spent every day of that life encouraging the internet that they ought to do the same. even if there was a microscopic chance that glinda’s desires matched elphaba’s, she would certainly still care about chuffrey, and her public image, and Doing The Right Thing.

and elphaba had been doing so well at ignoring it, too, at convincing herself it was something else. it would be easier if it was. for both of them.

elphaba stared out at the parking lot. the cars and their passengers hadn’t noticed the change in global gravitational axes. maybe it was just her world that had changed. she swallowed. there wasn’t a single thing she could do about loving glinda. and elphaba did love her, really love her.

she loved her mind—her brilliance, her creativity—and her passion, and her kindness, and her charisma. she loved her smile, her hair, her fingers. elphaba loved glinda like her heart had always been this shape, and time and weather had finally eroded away anything that convinced her otherwise. and she couldn’t kiss her or save her or even tell her, all she could do was go back to ignoring how chest heart fluttered when glinda touched her, when she laughed, or when she got so excited about something she babbled for a half hour uninterrupted.

well, she should go back to ignoring it.

but elphaba was never very good at doing what she should.

she had been so lost in her own thoughts she didn’t notice glinda’s presence until she slid down the wall next to elphaba. without a word, glinda reached out her hand and interlocked their fingers together.

elphaba’s heartbeat finally slowed down. something in her body was telling her she was safe, even though the person holding her hand had been the source of all this anxiety in the first place. it didn’t matter. she always felt better when glinda was here.

“we don’t have to talk about it,” glinda told her, “but we can.”

elphaba tried to laugh. it didn’t work. “you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“i know,” glinda said, brightly, “i never have.”

this time the laugh was genuine. “true.”

“are you alright?”

she shouldn’t have done it, but her body slipped downward before her brain could stop her, and now her head was on glinda’s shoulder. “i have a hard time figuring out what to do with myself,” elphaba began, “when it seems like the people you love have hurt you.”

“oh,” glinda said. her voice was small. her fingers tapped against the back of elphaba’s knuckles. “you don’t have to do anything.”

“you offered to kill my father.”

“i see.” glinda nodded. “do you mean that…that you recognize you saying the same kind of thing wouldn’t be so well received?"

“and i don’t know what to say instead.” it wasn’t like elphaba was lying to her. all of this was true. it was just more complicated than that.

glinda rested her head on top of elphaba’s.

elphaba closed her eyes. she still felt fragile and oddly small, but that feeling was surrounded by waves of warmth, by the rhythm of glinda’s breath. “you’re remarkably intuitive, you know?”

“i am?”

“you seem to just know things, about people, about how they work. me especially, but you asked nessa all the right questions, too.”

glinda shrugged. it moved both their heads. “i simply pay attention. i like noticing things about others. and elphie?”

“mhm?”

“you really don’t have to do anything. but the fact that you want to—it’s just another thing about you i feel grateful for every day.” glinda spoke gently, but with surety.

“every day, huh?”

“don’t get cocky.”

elphaba laughed. she wanted to stay here forever, but they had malachite to see. “should we go back inside?”

“are you ready?”

she nodded. she stood, and then helped glinda up, and glinda did not let go of her hand as they went back in.

“so,” glinda began, swinging their hands back and forth as they walked, “tell me.”

“yes?”

“what are you reading right now?”

elphaba recognized this as an attempt to resurrect her from her panic, and one to restore the lightheartedness to their interactions, but it was also a trap. “do you want the long version or the short version?”

“the long, of course,” glinda said, and only interrupted elphaba’s long explanation of shi qingxuan’s backstory to point out some very cool looking obsidian rings.

when they made it to the malachite, all the way in the back—a strange place for a special exhibit, but gemstone museums were strange places—elphaba stopped talking. she just stared. there were large carvings, huge boulders, tiny delicate jewelry, and it was all so green. she ran her hand on the surface of a polished stone, and nearly blended in.

“it’s beautiful,” glinda said, and there was such awe and wonder in her voice. she was looking at the rocks, of course. but it made elphaba feel…something, all the same.

elphaba watched her watch the malachite for a long time, and when they’d both had their fill, she asked, “and what are you reading?”

“nothing i can share in polite company,” glinda said, and then laughed. “it’s just one of those trashy romance-slash-mystery-slash-historical dramas. it’s awful.”

“in a good way?”

“oh, yes, absolutely. i have to alternate between those and the architecture publications, otherwise it’s hard to focus.”

“anything new in the architecture world?”

“yes, actually, there was a paper on—hang on.” glinda spun back around toward the malachite exhibit, heading for a tiny corner that had beaded bracelets for sale. she picked one up and carried it with her as they walked back toward the entrance. “i couldn’t leave here without one.”

elphaba slowed as she pulled her van into their street. out front of the apartment complex, a car was running in the loading zone, with a shorter, curly haired man lifting something out of the trunk. it took elphaba a moment to realize that it was her sister’s wheelchair, and she watched as he set it up quickly, with practiced ease. a blonde woman stepped out of the driver’s side and rushed around to the passenger’s door, clearly still mid-conversation with—well, elphaba could only suppose it was nessa in there—and held the door open and steady for her as the man pushed the chair close enough for nessa to transfer. boq and milla, then. they both looked at nessa with a reverent admiration, like it wasn’t only easy to help her, but their honor to. like they were utterly besotted with her.

elphaba parked the car and sighed. she’d never been happier for her sister; she’d never felt further apart from her.

nessa said something with a dip of her head and they both laughed. elphaba thought she should really get out and introduce herself, but she was still reeling from her own romantic revelations and didn’t want to intrude. she promised herself she would meet them next time, and waited until their car pulled away to join her sister inside.

​​“hey,” elphaba said, catching up to nessa as she made her way down the hall to their ground-floor unit.

“oh, hey! you just missed boq and milla!”

“i think i saw them on the street, they’re pretty cute.”

nessa blushed. she unlocked the door and went in, elphaba following behind. “i think they like me.”

the door closed behind them. “of course they do.” elphaba tossed her sister the wheel wipes and took off her shoes.

“i’m still upset you went to the rock and mineral museum without me. incredibly rude behavior. how was your da—day, anyway?”

“were you going to say date?”

“i was not.”

“you were.” elphaba trudged to the couch and threw herself on it.

when nessa was done, she joined her, adjusting herself lengthwise across the couch, and said, “i’m not moving for the rest of the night. and you’re avoiding the question.”

“i am…considering how best to phrase my response,” elphaba told her, picking her words carefully even now. she didn’t want to tell her sister she’d been right. she didn’t think she could face the full force of little sister gloating just now, not when the realization still felt so fragile. but not telling her also didn’t feel like an option.

“elllllllphieeee,” nessa lifted her leg with her hands and kicked elphaba with it, “did something happen?”

after a brief moment of pretending she had been mortally wounded in combat, elphaba looked at her and sighed. “you’re really keeping that one?”

“master evader.”

“nothing has changed. nothing happened. i’m just…i’ve just…i—” she narrowed her eyes. “look, i’m only avoiding it because i don’t think i could bear to be teased about it. you have to swear you won’t.”

“i could do no such thing.”

elphaba sighed again. “you realize that when i say things to you, it makes them real?”

“do you want this to be real?”

“i’m scared about what will happen if it is.”

nessa considered this for a while. “i think,” she began slowly, “that if this is…a realization you’ve had about a feeling you have…then it’s important to recognize it as a feeling. i mean—it doesn’t demand that anything should change. it doesn’t have to be actionable.”

“...huh.”

“i think it’s a good thing you’re accepting your feelings for glinda,” nessa said. of course she already knew. elphaba could tell she was trying to avoid gloating, but the smugness seeped in anyway. “but i don’t think you have to do anything right now other than that.”

“i hate it when you’re right.”

“you should be used to it by now.”

elphaba made a sound of gurgled annoyance. “acceptance, huh?”

“it’s very fun to have a crush if you don’t plan on doing anything about it. just let yourself enjoy that for now.”

“i think you might be from a different planet than me.”

“i think you want to hear more about how my date went.”

“i do,” elphaba sighed, and then flashed a smile at her sister. “i really do. let’s please stop talking about me for now. and maybe forever.”

Chapter Text

illustration by hattersarts

elphaba should have known glinda would go all out for a picnic. she couldn’t have predicted the mini pancakes, of all things, but she should have seen the mimosas coming.

high up on the overlook, they’d set up their blanket with a view of the city below. the air was crisp and clear, and the sunlight dappled its way down through the clouds. glinda wore yellow today, and she and her ridiculous hair glimmered in the light. elphaba stared at her as she unpacked their food, counting freckles, and trying not to let her gaze linger too long on glinda’s lips. she was wearing the malachite bracelet.

over the past few weeks, elphaba had been working on the ‘accepting her feelings’ thing. trying to let herself just feel her crush on glinda, nonjudgmentally. so far, it mostly looked like trying not to feel guilty about how pretty she found her best friend. which meant that in practice it also looked a lot like just staring at her.

“…isn’t that right, elphie?”

“what?” elphaba blushed, realizing she’d missed whatever glinda had said. “i’m sorry, i was lost in thought.”

“oh,” glinda waved her hand, “no trouble at all. i was just saying a good aged gouda is an absolute must for a picnic of any sort.”

“yes! i agree. can i help with—”

“no, no.” glinda batted elphaba’s hands away and finished setting up her brunch spread and charcuterie herself.

elphaba told her, “this is a feast.”

“it’s nothing, it’s—”

“don’t you dare downplay this. this is work—beautiful work, but hard work. it deserves the praise.”

“well,” glinda cleared her throat. “thank you. it hardly compares to the view now, does it?”

“i rather think they complement each other nicely.”

“you’re very kind.”

“i’m just honest.” the desire to take glinda’s hand in hers was very strong. the urge to plant a gentle kiss on that hand was even stronger, so elphaba resisted. there was something about glinda that made elphaba understand every story about a knight fighting to save a princess, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. this was the problem with acceptance. she knew she was supposed to be enjoying inaction, or whatever it was nessa had said, but for her, the feelings and the desire to act on them were so closely tied together that accepting one and shutting the other out was proving much, much harder than it sounded.

but of course, she couldn’t act on them.

“you can be both at the same time,” glinda told her, and spread some jam on a cracker. “now please eat!”

they ate mostly in silence. part of elphaba wished she’d brought a bluetooth speaker, but as time passed, she found herself enjoying the rustling of the wind and the comfort of her friend’s company. it was nice.

when they finished eating, glinda finally relented and accepted elphaba’s help in cleaning up the leftovers and clearing off the blanket. glinda collapsed backward once they were done, stretching herself out across the blanket, eyes chasing the clouds. she patted the spot next to her, and elphaba scooted over and down, her feet hanging way more into the grass than glinda’s were.

“comfy?” elphaba asked.

“mhm.”

they were so close already and glinda brought them even closer together by grabbing elphaba’s hand.

elphaba’s heart was in her throat. she never wanted to let go.

they watched the clouds together for another long while.

“you’re quiet, today,” elphaba said, eventually.

“aren’t you relieved?”

elphaba turned on her side to face glinda abruptly. “what? why would i be?”

“i talk too much, don’t i?” glinda turned over, too, at the end of her sentence, but didn’t meet elphaba’s eyes.

“i want to hear every thought in your head.”

the noise glinda made was almost a gasp, but it was too squeaky to be only that.

elphaba felt herself getting that hot-and-cold feeling she’d gotten back at the museum again. she’d sounded too sincere with that statement, but she had meant it, of course. she just shouldn’t have said it like that.

“well, i’ve been thinking a lot today,” glinda said, almost idly, but there was something running underneath it.

“you have?” elphaba tried to match her tone, tried to sound casual. “tell me.”

glinda hummed.

elphaba’s heart wasn’t just in her throat now, it was in her cheekbones and her eardrums and her eyesockets. it was the only thing she was aware of besides how close glinda’s face was to her own.

“i’ve been thinking,” glinda said, and now her voice was almost a whisper, “about how badly i want…” she squeezed elphaba’s hand, swallowed, and looked up.

elphaba’s heart wasn’t beating anymore. it had stopped completely. her world was glinda’s eyes, meeting hers with nothing but desire, glinda’s cheeks, flush and pink, and glinda’s lips, ever so slightly parted in what elphaba could only call anticipation.

and elphaba would never keep a girl waiting.

glinda squeaked again, the second elphaba’s lips met hers, and elphaba giggled into the kiss, tasting maple syrup and citrus and sunshine. she let glinda take the lead at first, let her pull them even closer together, let her deepen the kiss, and then she couldn’t hold herself back anymore, running her fingers through glinda’s hair like she’d been dying to all morning. elphaba was so aware of the ground beneath them, the gentle breeze, glinda’s body pressed up against hers. glinda was so clingy, so needy, and she was full of all these tiny little noises, of surprise and joy and satisfaction. elphaba wanted to do whatever it took to keep hearing them, to give her everything she wanted. when glinda moved her hands under elphaba’s shirt, she wondered if they should maybe move to a more comfortable position. and then glinda stopped completely.

she was frozen, her lips a centimeter away from elphaba’s, her hands hovering above her waist.

elphaba backed up, giving her space, letting her breathe. she didn’t look like she was breathing. she desperately wanted to ask if she was okay, to say she was sorry, but she found she couldn’t speak.

this silence was anything but comfortable.

glinda was breathing, elphaba could hear it now, shallow little things that sounded like the beginning of a panic attack. and she wanted even more to do something, to say anything, but she was still stuck, frozen just the same, unable to do anything.

“i’m sorry,” glinda said, “i’m so—i’m—” she sat up, took another few breaths, and then stood.

elphaba scrambled to get up too, stepping off the blanket and onto the grass. “it’s okay! it’s alright,” god, there her voice was, finally, “i’m not upset.”

“i am,” glinda said. she folded her picnic blanket and picked up the basket. “and sorry.”

“there’s nothing to apologize for, i—i’m sorry, i—”

“please don’t apologize,” glinda said, and her words were still curt, but there was a jagged edge to them. pain, maybe. “i’ll text you,” she said. and then she left.

illustration by hattersarts

elphaba waited by her phone with the persistence of a guard dog, but glinda did not text her back. not that afternoon, nor that week, and after two weeks had passed with no word at all, checking her phone had become more of a compulsive habit than a belief she would see a text from her friend.

summer, as long and as interesting as it had been, was drawing to a close, which meant teacher training meetings were once again back on the agenda, prepping for the school year officially before the students all returned. elphaba had decent relationships with most of the other staff, but only one true ally in her fellow history teacher, dr. dillamond. his seventh grade world history course was across the hall from hers, which meant she often dropped in to jokingly intimidate her future students, and he occasionally came to say hello to his old students as well.

the compulsion to keep checking her phone, however, did not stop just because she was technically on the clock. it was hard to stay focused entirely on the speakers from the district offices and her principal, because she kept thinking about glinda. two weeks was long. long enough that she should just give up all together. elphaba was pretty sure she was being ghosted, full stop. she had kissed glinda, and glinda had gone back to her husband, and this was how she was erasing elphaba from her life entirely. or maybe she had gone back and told him, and something had happened, and she didn’t even have access to her phone, and elphaba was the worst friend in the entire world because she wasn’t running to check on her. but if she did run to check and glinda did hate her now, well. that could only end in disaster.

“and your completed syllabi will be expected by the end of the month, as usual, but i’ll take any if they are complete now.”

her syllabus was a skeletal frame of loose lesson plans. she’d been losing sleep over this, and her work was suffering. but in all her mental circling about what had happened that day, she just kept coming back to one thing, over and over. glinda had kissed her back. glinda had kissed her back. if she had simply run away, right away, elphaba’s guilt would have drowned her by now. but the memory of glinda’s hands lifting her shirt, of her smile against her lips, of the way she pressed herself closer, all of it was proof. proof of some real feeling that elphaba couldn’t let go of. she checked her phone again. still nothing.

at the end of the meeting, as elphaba was gathering her things, she heard the tell-tale sounds of her mentor’s cane as he approached, and looked up.

dillamond had a knowing look on his face when he asked, “coffee?”

“please, yes.”

the staff lounge had a coffee machine, of course, but it was dogshit, so they went together to the rather trendy local cafe next to the school. there were teacher discounts there, at least, and they were both respected regulars.

she glanced around the white-painted interior. there was a new pothos plant in one of the corners, and one of the monochromatic silhouette art pieces had been swapped out for another. this one was blue.

they ordered after a short wait in line, and when they were seated, he said, “i don’t mean to sound like a boomer, but what could possibly be so interesting about your phone today?”

elphaba laughed, somewhat nervously. she’d been checking it still while they waited in line, but she was sure he had noticed her distraction during the meeting, too. she hadn’t wanted to talk about it, but dillamond had a way of getting stuff out of her. “i’m sorry, doc. it’s not like i’m really expecting a text anyway.”

he narrowed his eyes. “from whom?”

“a friend.” nothing about that statement was a lie. but there was so much emotion in her voice she knew it sounded like one, anyway.

“a friend.” dillamond stared at her a bit longer, and then said, “your fuck up, or theirs?”

“mine. i think.” she held the white ceramic mug between her hands tightly, willing its bitter contents to warm her palms. “i don’t know.”

“have you apologized?”

sliding her phone from the table, she unlocked it and flipped the screen around to show him her last text to glinda. underneath their picnic coordinations, it read:

i’m so sorry. please let me know if you need anything at all, or if there’s anything i can do to make it up to you.

he adjusted his glasses and peered closer. “did you call?”

“you do sound like a boomer. she said she’d text me.”

“and you texted her first?”

“i was nervous. i am nervous. i—”

he just sighed at her. “i have never seen you like this. you’re not usually…occupied with things of this nature.”

“it’s driving me insane.” there was something unnerving about the feeling of romantic attraction, after so long of not expecting to feel it ever again. it wasn’t as though sarima had ruined her or broken her heart too badly for her ever to love again, it was just that the desire for that type of companionship was so rare in her it had become uncomfortable. she wasn’t the kind of person who obsessed over a crush; she was studious, and hardworking, and focused, and she wanted dillamond to see her that way. “i want to focus on lesson plans. and volunteer coordination. can we talk about that?”

“did i ever tell you how i met my husband?”

“i…wasn’t aware you had a husband.” elphaba was too surprised to continue to advocate for a work-based conversation.

dillamond shook his head. “well, i don’t, not anymore. romance was lower on my list of lifetime priorities, too, after i lost him. it doesn’t have to be everything.”

“i don’t want it to be!” elphaba squeezed her eyes shut. she didn’t want to draw attention to herself and she felt horrible for snapping at him. “i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to get upset.” she took a breath, and tried to soften her tone. “could you tell me about him? how did you meet?”

“it was a personal ad in the newspaper.” he chuckled. “real old-school. one of those, ‘describe yourself, hope someone calls’ kind of things.”

“right! yes! did you post the ad, or did he?”

“he did. and he did not look as advertised. but his heart was right for mine anyway.” dillamond took a sip of his coffee. “sometimes a heart can be right but the circumstances can be wrong. and sometimes a soulmate can be a friend.”

elphaba nodded. she knew that. “i want her in my life. no matter the circumstances. i think i—i probably got overzealous, i should have…checked in more. or asked, or…she is my friend. it’s important to me that she’s my friend. i didn’t want it to be anything else, for so long, because she’s my only friend.”

“well, what am i?” he asked, laughing. “an obligation?”

“no,” elphaba sighed. “no, i suppose you’re my friend too.”

he scoffed. “listen, miss thropp. if your syllabus isn’t ironed out by next week, call me. i will come over and throw your cell phone out the window so you can finish it.”

“yes, sir.”

“and if that’s not friendship, i don’t know what is.”

“yes, sir. you’re so right, sir.”

“oh, knock it off.”

she grinned, and asked, “so, how are things with you?”

dillamond looked at her, and she could have sworn there was mischief in the expression. “have you talked to anyone in the math department lately?”

“not about anything other than comparing attendance records, why?”

“well, i’ve been talking with mr. lenx and miss minkos quite a bit, under the pretense of the haunted house committee?”

“oh, sure. that’s going well too, i take it?”

“scariest one so far, of course.” he sighed. “it’s just the matter of the infrastructural issues in the older buildings—the inaccessibility, the lack of AC—their department suffers the most, but with the recent cuts to the arts department as well, we’re talking about bringing miss greyling in and going to the union with it.”

“i’m with you.”

“of course, dear.” he clinked his mug with hers. “your voice is always appreciated on these matters. maybe we’ll actually get something done around here.” he winked. “if you can stay off your phone, that is.”

she took her phone off the cafe table and put it in her pocket, laughing. “i’ll do my best.”

Chapter Text

glinda ran her fingers over the wheel and tried to steady her heart and her breath. neither was working. she felt dizzy. she felt nauseous. she felt like she wanted to crumple up her entire life in a paper ball and slam dunk it directly into the trash. or at least into the picnic basket on the passenger’s seat next to her.

here, at the bottom of the hill, she could see elphaba’s van, still parked across from her car. elphaba hadn’t followed her down the hill, and she was as disappointed as she was relieved. glinda desperately wanted to get away from her and she also wanted to sew her hand to elphaba’s so they’d never be apart. she was, to put it lightly, in hell. and really, she only felt that way because mere moments ago, she’d been in heaven.

her breath felt shallow again. she gulped air, gripped the steering wheel tighter. this was a panic attack, wasn’t it? what were you supposed to do during those? she didn’t know. all she could think about were elphaba’s lips, elphaba’s hair, elphaba’s abs under her fingers. this was wrong—she was doing this all wrong—and she didn’t even know what she meant by ‘this.’ life, maybe.

she took an exaggerated breath in and an exaggerated breath out. her hands were shaking. her feet were shaking. in, and out again. a million imagined conversations flew through her mind. she imagined saying things to chuffrey as though she were defending herself in court, saying things like, ‘it was just a kiss! it didn’t mean anything!’ and then she burst into high, hysterical laughter, her head falling back to her headrest. it wasn’t just a kiss; it meant everything. she didn’t think she could ever say something like that to him, and she was an excellent liar.

now, she returned to the problem, and it was certainly a problem: glinda was happy. glinda had been happy, truly and indescribably happy, for maybe two minutes, five at the most, she hadn’t been counting. but she knew with absolute certainty that whatever little joys she’d felt in the thing she called a life before this were mere blips on her heart rate monitor, and now, she was truly alive. so, that was…not…great. on some level, of course, she’d known her life was dissatisfactory. but she’d thought it was manageable, and even good, at times. now, the knowledge that she had been living-without-being-alive was uncomfortably inescapable.

glinda wanted to be impulsive. glinda wished she was the kind of person who could run back up the hill and promise the rest of her life to elphaba right then and there. glinda wished she was the kind of person who could call her husband and tell him she was never coming home again. but instead, glinda was the kind of person who felt awful and horrible for lying to herself and her husband for years of her life.

did she feel guilty for this, too?

glinda had broken her vows. she had gone against everything she’d been raised to believe in and everything she’d told the internet she believed in. she had kissed. a woman. while married to a man. she should feel guilty for that, she should feel awful, the memory of the kiss should be sour milk curdling in her gut. because of the promises she had made and the person she pretended to be.

but she only felt bad because she didn’t feel bad. oh, she was dizzy again. in, and out again.

aside from defending herself in an imagined court, her afternoon with elphaba was also replaying on a loop in her head. over and over again, she saw the way elphaba’s eyes had refused to leave her lips, the way she’d stared with this raw and open affection since glinda had stepped out of her car. something had shifted in her, something had come undone, and glinda had been unable to resist the pull of their—well, she could only call it blatantly mutual attraction, couldn’t she?

glinda had invited elphaba to kiss her for the following reason(s): 1) she wanted to, 2) elphaba wanted to, 3) her willpower was insufficient, 4) it was the perfect day.

she had stopped kissing elphaba for the following reason(s): 1) she was scared.

and she had apologized to elphaba for the following reasons: 1) she was sorry she’d asked her to kiss her, 2) she was sorry she’d stopped kissing her (because it ruined their perfect day), 3) the realization of the utter pointlessness of her entire life up until that point had felt so abrupt and sudden that she couldn’t say anything else at the time until she left, 4) she was about to blow up her marriage and she didn’t want elphaba to get hit with the shrapnel.

glinda was still feeling impulsive, but she knew that untangling all of this would take longer than the desire that thrummed through her now. in, and out again. she wanted to do this right. she had to do this right. glinda turned her key in the engine, and drove to the bank.

over the next few weeks, glinda was unbearably busy. organizing new brand deals, pawning jewelry, and spending hours in incognito browser windows had led to the unthinkable—she had developed bags under her eyes. chuffrey didn’t seem to notice this at all. he did notice that she hadn’t taken off her malachite bracelet in weeks, but his only comment was to say he didn’t think it necessarily went well with pink. showed what he knew, of course.

she was exhausted. but all of her work was starting to pay off. her bank account—her first, her very own bank account, was slowly starting to fill up. she was doing everything she could to keep up an air of normalcy, only pulling what she considered normal from the joint account, still recording videos and doing every chore and cooking every meal, but on her own, she was very nearly ready to put her plan into action.

she had a lawyer. she had a speech memorized. she almost had the funds. and every single day she thought about elphaba. every hour, every minute, really. she wanted to talk to her more than anything in the world.

glinda couldn’t imagine what elphaba felt. what elphaba thought of her now. would she even want to speak to her again after all of this? no matter what the answer was, this was worth it.

for the past few weeks, glinda had been refining and sculpting her life in order to do things the right way. she wanted to be secure in her decisions and in herself, she wanted to trust the choices she was making and not get swept up in the romance of an affair, but…she’d realized that day, the joy and safety she’d felt with her friend wasn’t just a blip, it was something she could make a whole life out of. she deserved for that feeling to be familiar, not earth-shatteringly foreign. glinda wanted to build her life for herself.

and then… and then glinda wanted, desperately, to be able to go back to elphaba’s side with a clean slate, with no baggage, with a lightness in her step. but she could only do that by taking care of things alone first.

which was exhausting.

she finished beaming and sweet-talking her way through a zoom call with a protein supplement brand representative, promising to mention them as soon as she could. she graciously accepted a free box of powders she’d never truly use with a “thank you for supporting TheGoodWife brand!” and then closed her ipad with a sigh.

glinda opened her text messages and stared at the apology from elphaba.

Elphie 💚
i’m so sorry. please let me know if you need anything at all, or if there’s anything i can do to make it up to you.

elphaba was sorry. she was so sorry. glinda didn’t want her to be sorry. there wasn’t anything to make up, because elphaba hadn’t done anything wrong.

she locked her phone again, quickly, and tapped her manicured nail on the black screen. i have to do it alone. i have to do it right.

then her phone lit up with a new text.

Nessarose (Elphaba’s Sister) (Good Taste in Fashion)
I have been working on the cardigan pattern you sent last month, and I was wondering if you would be able to send me a photo of your finished product? Absolutely no worries if not.

well, wasn’t this a predicament. did nessa know what had happened between elphaba and herself at the park? was she fishing for a sign of life from glinda on elphaba’s behalf? or had elphaba simply refrained from sharing anything at all? glinda didn’t know. she couldn’t know. but she also didn’t feel as though she could text nessa back before she texted elphaba back, and she didn’t want to ghost both of them. she locked her phone again and this time, flipped it face down on the desk.

shit. glinda tilted her head back and forth, thinking. she flipped her phone back over, and to elphaba, sent,

You haven’t done anything wrong.

she got up and took her phone with her to find the sweater for nessarose, but she hadn’t even made it to her bedroom before the phone rang. she stopped dead in the hallway. elphaba’s contact photo, which was a picture of her weepy and smiley by the ray pool, looked up at glinda from her screen. elphaba never called her. glinda had never called elphaba. all of their conversations had taken place in person or over text.

so, maybe nessa’s text had been a ploy. she’d known it could be, but she’d done it anyway. she kept just doing things when it came to elphaba. and she’d do it again. she answered the phone.

“glinda?” elphaba’s voice was shaky, tentative. “are you there?”

i’m here, she wanted to say, i haven’t gone anywhere, but her mouth wouldn’t form the words. all she could manage was, “mhm.”

elphaba breathed such a naked sigh of relief that glinda felt herself blushing from the sheer honesty of it. had she worried her that much? again? she kept doing this.

“are you alright?”

“i’m—” there was nothing she could do except to reward elphaba’s honesty with some of her own. “exhausted.”

elphaba was quiet, but glinda could hear her breathing. glinda felt so attuned to every noise, every rustle. she didn’t know how to say how much she’d missed her. how cracked open and fragile and still so, so safe she felt, now that elphaba’s voice was in her ear.

“you?”

elphaba laughed, with barely any mirth to the sound. “same. i’ve been working on my syllabus every day, and i keep—” she cut herself off, and then quite clearly changed her mind, softening her voice, “i keep worrying about you.”

glinda had just confessed to exhaustion, and yet the temptation to say, “i’m fine,” still rose up on her lips. she swallowed. it. “i’ve been working hard, too. i—” chuffrey wasn’t home, but she glanced around anyway and lowered her voice. “i’m saving up…for…” she couldn’t say it, she couldn’t say it out loud. she hadn’t said it out loud to anyone yet. and saying it to elphaba would feel so different than saying it to anyone else, because to elphaba, it might mean something completely different.

“my syllabus is due tomorrow,” elphaba said, and glinda could hear her walking, the sound of a door shutting. maybe nessa had been listening, and she wanted privacy. glinda was just guessing, but she liked to picture elphaba at home. “and…i can come over, after. or we can go out, if you want to talk…?”

“coffee?”

another rushed, relieved sigh. she was so nervous, poor thing. glinda wished she could do more to assuage her, but she was nervous, too. stuck. scared. still standing in her hallway. she sent the location of a cafe closer to elphaba’s house than her own, and hung up. she had another zoom call in five minutes, and she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to hide how teary her eyes were getting if she stayed on the phone much longer.

elphaba nearly collapsed at the sight of glinda through the cafe window. the sun always seemed to find her, like her own personal spotlight, lighting her up and making her gleam. the cozy, maximalist decorations of the cafe served as a backdrop, framing glinda, a work of art for only elphaba to enjoy. she had gotten a pastry, and she fiddled with the paper under it. her leg bounced. she hadn’t noticed elphaba yet, so elphaba allowed herself to stare a bit longer, affection and fear rushing over her in equal parts.

when she pushed open the cafe door, the sound of the bell gave her away, and glinda whipped around to see her. she swallowed, and stood up, and elphaba didn’t know what to do with herself without glinda’s usual rushed hug toward her, which she hadn’t been expecting, not really. she just waved a bit, and glinda waved back.

“do you want to order your coffee first?” glinda asked, and elphaba could tell she did not want to wait for such a thing.

it was busy today, the kind of busy that ensured privacy, but also the kind of busy that meant waiting in line would keep her away from glinda for a long while.

elphaba just sat across from her. she’d find something else to do with her hands if she couldn’t wrap them around a beverage. “let’s talk—it’s okay. i’ll get it later.”

“okay.” glinda swallowed again. “i’m sorry,” she said, and elphaba couldn’t stop herself from chuckling a little.

“i don’t know how many times we have to tell each other to stop apologizing, but really, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“neither have you,” glinda said, empathically, and elphaba nodded.

“i was—i wasn’t sure. i really—” she could feel her eyebrow creasing, and settled on, “i missed you.”

“i missed you.” glinda bit her lip.

elphaba watched her struggle for a long time. she looked like she had so much to say, and so much she was afraid to say. elphaba wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her and hold her as close as she could. just like at the rock and mineral museum, the need to take care of her, to protect her, was nearly overwhelming. but this time, elphaba wasn’t sure if she was the one glinda needed protection from.

“you don’t know how relieved i am to hear that,” elphaba said, and now she did wish she had a coffee. her hand picked into the waxy coating of the table instead. she had so much she wanted to say, too.

they both opened their mouths at the same time, saw each other, and laughed.

glinda gestured to her, grand and dramatic. “by all means.”

elphaba sighed. “alright. alright,” she said again, more to herself than to glinda. “i have been terrified that i ruined our friendship.”

“oh,” glinda said, softly. and then, “oh! oh no. no, no, no. you have not done that. goodness, no.”

“okay,” elphaba said, and though she had more, she gestured to glinda, trying to mimic the dramatics.

“i am…” glinda said, and then balled her hands into fists, her nails clearly digging into her palms. “i am divorcing my husband.”

the world rocked as though someone had rung a gong directly into elphaba’s ear. she was sure she’d reeled back, or something silly like that, and she couldn’t actually talk, so she sputtered instead.

“not—that—not—for—” glinda was turning red, and sputtered just as hard. “i don’t. i couldn’t—do you see, i couldn’t—i didn’t want to assume—it’s just—”

elphaba couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and taking glinda’s hand. she couldn’t watch the indents develop in her hands anymore. “it’s okay,” she said softly, “take it slow.”

glinda took a breath in. “i didn’t know how you felt. i didn’t know if i’d ruined things either. and i decided—i told myself it didn’t matter, it couldn’t matter, because…you…” she took another breath. “ever so slowly, and then all at once, you made me realize i deserve more. and i wanted—” her voice broke. “i want more. with or without you.”

“but that’s wonderful,” elphaba said, and she felt like her voice was at risk of breaking too. “i couldn’t be happier for you. really.” she squeezed glinda’s hand. “did you…stay away? because you were nervous about how i’d react, or…?”

glinda shook her head. “somewhat? sort of? i didn’t want—i couldn’t ask you to help with it, because it’s all so much and so hard, and you’re the person that—i didn’t want it to be an affair, because that would be wrong—” she was blushing again. “i couldn’t burden you, and i couldn’t—i didn’t want—” she covered her face with her free hand.

understanding was starting to creep up on elphaba. “glinda,” she whispered, “are you afraid it will sound like you’re leaving your husband for me?”

“yes. terribly.”

“are you?”

glinda laughed, still not looking up at elphaba. “do you want me to?”

“yes,” elphaba laughed, “but will you look at me? i had more—i have more—too…”

glinda obliged, dropping her hand, but her eyes were blurred with tears.

“earlier, when i said i was worried about ruining our friendship…” elphaba tightened her grip on glinda’s other hand. she wasn’t going to lose her. she wasn’t going anywhere. “you are my friend. before anything else. and—and that means—” they were both having such a hard time talking today. elphaba wished so badly that none of this needed words, that they could communicate it all through touch and glances. “you aren’t a burden. you could never be a burden.” elphaba stopped for a moment, wanting to give the words the weight they deserved.

she watched them sink into glinda, slowly. glinda took a shuddering breath.

“it is a joy to help you. in any way, as your—as your friend, as—whatever you want. it doesn’t have to be—” she laughed, “an affair, i can just…be there. for you. with you. whatever you need.”

glinda held her hand back tighter now, too. “you’re always helping people. i didn’t want to be—just another—”

elphaba nodded, slow. “i’ve been learning,” she started, trying to sculpt the sentence in the air, “over the last few years, that nessa doesn’t need as much help as i thought she did. that i was pushing myself to take care of her, and she didn’t need it. and now, when i help her, it is something we both choose, because it’s a way for her to show that she trusts me to take care of both of us. and when i saw—the people she’s dating? they help her too, because that’s just part of figuring out how to love someone.”

there was a cautious warmth in glinda’s expression, and it spurred her on.

“i help out whenever i can, because i love doing it, and because i want to make the world a better place or whatever, but with you, it’s—i can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me, too. yes, i’ve learned how to set boundaries, i’ve learned how to only offer what i can give, but…you taught me i still have a long way to go. you showed me how to live for myself, how to choose things for myself, how to have fun with my life. i want to be with you—i’m choosing to spend time with you, however that looks for us, because you help me, too. because we help each other.”

glinda let the air slide out of her. “you’re choosing me. because you—because i help you—live for yourself…”

“yes,” elphaba said. it was all she could say.

“i wanted to wait,” she said plaintively, “until it was all over, until i was free.” glinda shook her head. “but d-divorce takes so long. i haven’t even told him yet.”

elphaba’s mouth made the shape of an ‘oh,’ but no sound came out.

“if you’re by my side, i will want you in every way. as your friend, and more. so much more. can we—can you help me as a friend, and love me as a—”

elphaba laughed. “glinda, do you want to be my girlfriend? would it make it easier, to say that?”

glinda blushed again, furious fire engine red. “affair,” she reiterated, in a whisper. “ask me again tomorrow. i’m…” she visibly steadied herself. “i’m going to tell him tonight.”

elphaba did a quick calculation in her head. “are you ready for that? do you have a place to go, if—”

glinda shrugged. “i have family in town, i have friends…”

“but that’s ridiculous. just come live with us, until things are stable, and then we can…” elphaba chuckled. “and then when you have your own place, we can pretend we started any other way but this.”

it had the intended effect, which was to make glinda laugh. “i don’t know about all of that, but—but i don’t want to let you go again.”

“i am not going anywhere,” elphaba promised. “i never have. i never will.”

“okay,” glinda said. “okay.” and then, softly, “i love you.”

elphaba had been doing quite well at not crying. but at the combination of hearing those words and beginning to utter them herself, she knew she couldn’t last. and in fact, she barely made it through, “i love you, too,” before she felt a traitorous tear cascade down her cheek. “it’s going to be okay.”

“okay.” glinda’s eyes were also shimmering with tears once again.

“call me, tomorrow, either way? so i can ask you again?”

“of course.” she nodded, smiling a little. “i promise.”

Chapter Text

“i think i’m done being impulsive now.”

elphaba answered glinda’s call with a laugh. “what do you mean?”

glinda loved the sound of it, that laugh, so close as it always was to a cackle. leaning back on cool hardwood floors to stare up at a blank ceiling, she said, “i got an apartment.”

“extremely quick work,” elphaba remarked, and there was still a laugh stuck under the words.

“that’s what i’m saying,” glinda told her, “i was on my way home yesterday, and i saw a sign offering tours, and i just—“

“i see what you mean.” elphaba shuffled around on the other side of the line, and when she spoke again, her voice was more serious, “are you okay? did this negatively impact your—your plans with chuffrey at all?”

glinda took a moment to answer. she was thinking about creative lighting solutions for the living room. fairy lights were out of fashion again, but they brought a warmth to the space that recessed lighting lacked. not that she could install recessed lighting here, anyway. “no—well, yes, a bit. i had a good amount saved up for—certain things, certain fees, but i thought…telling him. maybe i’d better take care of myself first, in case it didn’t go well.”

elphaba sucked in a breath. “did—did it?”

glinda did not want to lie to elphaba. she could have, it would have been really easy to, but instead, she said, “it was not ideal. i don’t think i have ever seen chuffrey truly angry in the time i have known him, but, um. he was.”

they’d argued for hours until it all came out. uncovering not just her recent betrayal, but the rotted root at the core of their marriage: the fact that she’d never loved him to begin with. that she never could have, however hard she tried. the fallout had been better, in some ways, than she’d braced herself for, worse in others. but the worst of it was over. at least for now.

“are you alright?”

glinda considered this. she was safe. she was on the phone with elphaba. she had her own apartment. her own small, charming, apartment. “yes.”

“thank god.” elphaba sighed. “where are you now? did they already let you move in?”

“yes, i’m here, my car is absolutely full of my things, and i’m sure i’ll have to go back later for more, i could barely fit it all, but…yes.”

“what part of town are you in?”

glinda knew she sounded sly when she said, “yours.”

she couldn’t see elphaba blushing, but she could feel it anyway. “…oh. that’s exciting.” she cleared her throat. “if all your stuff is in your car, can i come help you set up? buy you a pizza?”

now glinda was the one blushing. “i’m not sure,” she said, carefully. she lifted her hand toward the ceiling. there was a bracelet around her wrist and no rings on her fingers. she wiggled her fingers and smiled, dropping her hand. it looked right. “i think there’s another question you’re meant to ask before i indulge myself in the image of you lifting boxes.”

“glinda,” elphaba laughed again. “my good friend, my best friend, would you also do me the honor of becoming my girlfriend?”

“yes, that sounds nice.”

elphaba was bubbling over with giggles now.

glinda wanted very much to kiss her again and couldn’t help but let out a giggle of her own. she felt brand-new, nervous about all that was ahead of her, but sure that she had the ability to handle it all, knowing elphaba would be by her side. “elphie,” she said slowly, “before we get started with all of that work…”

“mhm?”

“could we…get a couch first? so i can…hold you for a bit? and you can hold me?”

“oh,” elphaba replied, her voice filling with warmth. “i would really like that.” after a moment, she added, “but you know i’d hold you anywhere, right?”

“of course. but i’d really like a couch.”

“of course.” there was a noise as though she’d covered the microphone, but glinda could still hear her quite clearly when she called, “shut up, nessarose!”

“what did she say?”

“she asked me when we can go on a double date with her partners.”

“what a sweetheart!” glinda was touched. “hang on, did you say partners, plural? i thought i heard that yesterday, as well, but there was so much going on, i…”

“partners, yes, there are two of them.” elphaba covered the mic again. “nessa, i’m trying to ask a woman out right now, why am i explaining your polyamory to her?”

“but does she want to—” nessa was closer now, glinda could hear her.

“let me—let me ask,” elphaba said.

“i do. even if there’s two of them.” glinda smiled. “i’d really like that, actually. after i get settled, of course.”

“of course.”

“of course,” nessa added, and glinda could hear her beaming.

glinda suspected she had only seen a fraction of nessa’s positive influence on her relationship, and also that she had not seen the last of it. “will you ask her if she’ll help me with a brand pivot? i have some ideas for my channel.”

“i’m sure she’d love nothing more,” elphaba said, and glinda could hear ever fainter noises of excited agreement from nessa in the background. “are you thinking of doing that queer lifestyle thing she was talking about? because, of, you know—”

“the queer life you just asked me to be a part of?”

elphaba finally managed to slip away from nessa, and catching her breath, she said, “well, yes.”

“i think so! and then, um.” this bit was harder, and scarier. “if it goes well, and if divorce doesn’t utterly bankrupt me, maybe…architecture school?”

“can i come over now? i don’t—i don’t want to be apart from you anymore. and i want to kiss you quite badly.”

glinda would have fallen over had she been anywhere besides the ground. “please. yes.”

“i’m bringing pizza, as a housewarming gift.” after a moment, she added, “and champagne. the good kind, the one you like.”

“whatever did i do to deserve you?”

she could hear elphaba smiling through the phone. “nothing in particular, you were just yourself. and that was enough.”

“ah,” glinda said, blushing again. “come kiss me, elphie.”

“yes, ma’am. i am on my way.”