Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

park jisung is probably the weirdest kid chenle's ever met. he knows three main things about jisung- one: he lives next door to chenle. two: he's a bit nerdy and maybe a little bit emo. three: he's deeply obsessed with astronomy, or rather, space itself.

park jisung always has his headphones in and his head stuck in some random book about space, or stars, or planets. he gets made fun of sometimes- a teacher will ask him a question, and he won't hear it because he's too busy reading about some supernova or distant galaxy that no one else in the classroom can pronounce.

chenle doesn't think jisung minds the teasing, and he wonders why. if it were him, he wouldn't be able to live like that. regardless, chenle doesn't hate or dislike jisung in any way; in fact, he finds the kid somewhat amusing. maybe even a little comforting in a way he doesn't like to admit.

every day, when chenle's walking home from school, or later in the night when he's sneaking out of home, jisung's always there. sitting outside, telescope balanced against one knee, notebook open on the porch railing, pencil tucked behind his ear. and every single time, jisung tells chenle a new space fact; even if chenle really doesn't want to hear it.

so, for example; chenle's walking home, hands shoved in his school pants pockets, head down. he doesn't like to go home; his life there isn't great, not that anybody knows that. 

maybe jisung does. maybe he can hear the yelling through the thin walls, from where he sits every day in that stupid rocking chair with his stupid stars. but jisung never says anything.

chenle lifts his head when he gets closer to his house, and sure enough, there jisung is. sat outside on that same chair, book in hand, the glow of his little reading lamp washing his face pale. 

chenle bites his cheek, clearing his throat as he walks past. most days, he looks forward to this. to jisungs little fact. it's routine. safe. something constant. today's one of those days.

he keeps walking, pretending like he's not going to stop when he passes jisung, and jisung, like clockwork, calls out, "hey, chenle-hyung!" chenle turns his head, pretending to be half-annoyed. "what's the fact today?"

jisung brightens. "did you know there's an interstellar object currently in our solar system?" that one makes chenle pause. usually it's something like space has no sound or a supernova is a star that has exploded, but not this.

"really?" chenle asks, and jisung nods, shifting forward a little, eyes wide in that excited, earnest way of his. "yeah, they say it poses no threat to earth, but on december nineteenth, it'll be a hundred sixty-seven million miles away- the closest it'll ever come."

chenle hums, shoving his hands deeper into his pockets. "that's pretty far away." jisung shrugs, leaning back again and lifting his book. chenle thinks that's it, that jisung will go back to reading quietly while the crickets chirp, but then jisung says, soft and certain,

"i hope it comes to earth." chenle stops walking. furrows his eyebrows. "why?"

jisungs eyes stay on the page. "interstellar means it came from another star system. i know it's probably just a comet, but... some astronomers are saying it might be aliens. because of its trajectory." he says it quietly, like it doesn't mean much, like he hasn't thought about it a hundred times already.

"aliens?" chenle asks, a little laugh catching in his throat. jisung finally looks up, meeting his eyes. "if it is aliens, i want them to come to earth." chenle raises an eyebrow. "why? you wanna meet them?"

jisung shakes his head. "no. i want them to take me with them." it's not said dramatically. not even sad. just simple, like stating a fact about the stars. chenle swallows, glancing toward his house where the lights flicker behind drawn curtains.

he huffs a quiet laugh. "hey, if it really is aliens, make sure you take me with you when you leave." jisung smiles, the faintest curve of his lips. "of course," he says. like that was always the plan.

chenle nods once, unsure what else to say. he clears his throat, turns on his heel, and finally heads toward his door. behind him, he can hear jisung flipping a page, humming softly along to whatevers playing in his headphones.

and for the first time in a long while, chenle looks up at the sky before going inside.

chenle regrets walking in the door. maybe he should've just stayed outside with jisung; talked about aliens he's not even sure he believes in, listened to that quiet, steady voice explaining things that don't matter but somehow make everything feel smaller, easier. he should've never come inside this house.

the air hits him the second he steps through the door, thick, sour, sharp with the smell of beer and smoke. he doesn't even get a second to breathe before-

"where the fuck were you? do you even know what time it is?"

his dads voice cuts through the silence, and then he's there, towering over chenle, red in the face, shirt half-untucked. the push to his chest comes fast, almost automatic, like muscle memory. chenle stumbles back a little, glancing up at the clock over his dads shoulder.

7:16pm.

it's not that late. school finishes at six, anyway.

"i- i'm sorry," chenle stammers, voice small, unsure if apologizing even helps anymore. "i was talking to jisung for a bit." he says it like that'll make it better, like talking to jisung means doing something harmless. but it doesn't. it never does.

his dad scoffs, shaking his head hard, hand dragging down his face. "you shouldn't talk to that weird kid! i'm going to talk to his mother and tell her to tell her son to stop talking to you." chenle freezes, stomach twisting. "dad! he didn't do anything-"

"don't talk back to me!" his dad snaps, and the sound makes chenle flinch. it's not just the volume, it's the way it echoes, the way it feels like it fills the whole house, every wall listening.

the man turns away, muttering under his breath, pacing like he's trying to burn the anger out of his own skin. chenle just stands there, backpack still slung over one shoulder, shoes still on, heart hammering.

he should've stayed outside.

he thinks of jisung again, how calm he looked under that little reading lamp, how his voice softened when he talked about space, how the world seemed so big when he spoke, but not in a scary way.

maybe he could've stayed just a little longer. maybe he could've asked another question. maybe he could've let himself believe in aliens for a bit. instead, he's here, in this house that always feels too small and too loud.

his dad keeps talking, saying something about grades, about responsibility, about "being a man," but chenle stops listening. he stares past him, at the tiny patch of night sky he can see through the kitchen window.

somewhere out there, jisung's probably sitting in his chair, looking at the stars, waiting for something, or someone, to arrive. and chenle wishes, more than anything, that he'd stayed out there with him.

when he finally gets pushed to his room, chenle doesn't wait long. the walls feel too close, the air too heavy. sneaking out has become second nature to him by now- his dad will get too drunk, slumped over on the couch downstairs, empty bottles littered across the coffee table. 

chenle will throw on his hoodie, tug the hood over his head, and tiptoe past him, quiet as the night itself.

so that's exactly what he does. because he can't stand it here. he can't stand coming home every day to the same yelling, the same slammed doors, the same stinging aftermath of things that shouldn't happen to him. 

sometimes, when he looks at himself in the mirror afterward, he almost doesn't recognize the face looking back.

tonight, the sound of snoring drifts up from downstairs. that's his cue. chenle leans out his window, breath fogging the glass, and there, right where he always is, is jisung. 

sitting on the porch with his telescope angled toward the stars, a blanket draped over his shoulders, completely lost in a sky too big for anyone to own.

chenle swallows hard, grabs his hoodie, and slips out of his room. the stairs creak under his feet, but his dad doesn't move. he keeps his eyes locked on him anyway, watching the slow rise and fall of his chest, the bottle dangling dangerously from his hand, until he's out the door.

the cold night air hits him fast, biting at his cheeks and nose. he wraps his arms around himself, tucks his chin into the hood, and sniffs once before heading down the path. and then, as expected-

"chenle-hyung!" 

the sound makes him stop. he turns his head, and there's jisung again, grinning like nothing in the world could ever be wrong. "what's up?" chenle asks quietly, voice rough around the edges. jisung doesn't seem to notice, or maybe he does, but chooses not to say anything.

"come here, i want to show you something." jisungs voice is warm, eager. chenle hesitates for a second, then sighs and steps toward him, the wooden porch creaking beneath his sneakers.

"do you want to see saturn?" jisung asks, eyes bright. chenle raises a brow. "saturn, huh?" he mutters, glancing up at the sky like he could find it on his own. it's just endless black to him, some stars scattered here and there, nothing special.

jisung steps aside from the telescope, gesturing toward it. "sit down," he says, gentle but certain. so chenle does. the seat's still warm from jisung sitting there. "look through it," jisung says, and chenle leans forward, pressing one eye to the telescope.

and there it is.

he doesn't know what he expected, maybe a blur, maybe nothing, but not this. not the delicate ring that loops around the planet, glowing faint and soft against the dark. it's... beautiful. impossibly so.

"wow," chenle whispers. it slips out before he can stop it. his voice sounds small, like he's afraid to speak too loudly and break the moment.

for a second, everything else disappears, the house, the noise, the weight in his chest. it's just him, the stars, and this quiet kid beside him who somehow makes the universe feel a little less lonely. "it's beautiful, isn't it?" jisung says, smiling faintly as he tilts his head back toward the sky.

"yeah," chenle whispers back, blinking a few times as his eyes sting. he doesn't know why he feels like crying. maybe it's the stillness, maybe it's because something so far away can look so perfect while his world feels like it's falling apart.

he pulls away from the telescope, clears his throat, and wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve before it shows. jisung glances at him, that same small smile still there.

"do you see that bright yellow-golden star up there?" jisung points, and chenle squints, following his hand. "uh, yeah?" he says, not entirely sure he's looking at the right one.

"that one is saturn," jisung confirms softly. chenle stares for a moment, nodding. "it's really cool," he says, and this time his voice sounds steadier. jisung smiles at the sky, still glowing faintly from the porch light. "thanks," he murmurs.

chenle looks at him for a while, at the way the light hits his face, at the calm he wears like it's easy, and thinks maybe, just maybe, he believes in aliens after all. because there's no way a person like park jisung is from here.

chenle walks down the halls of his school the next day, alone. not because he doesn't have friends, he does, but because right now, they just feel too loud. too much. 

he'd been with them earlier, sitting at the usual lunch table where jaemin was gushing about his boyfriend jeno for the tenth time that week, and renjun was complaining about maths, again. it was fine. it was normal. but it wasn't what chenle wanted, not today.

so, with his hood pulled over his head, the one he's technically not even allowed to wear inside, he walks slow, aimless, letting the noise of the hallway blur into static. his thoughts drift: to last night, to jisungs telescope, to saturn still spinning somewhere above all this.

and then-

"come on, space boy, you should listen to your sunbaes!"

the words cut through the noise, loud and sharp. chenle almost doesn't pay attention at first. usually, he doesn't care when people are getting picked on. not his business. not his problem. not his circus, not his monkeys, he tells himself.

but that nickname, "space boy", makes him stop.

he turns toward the stairwell, following the voices. and there, just like he expected, is jisung. sitting small and hunched on the edge of the steps, clutching his bag like it's some kind of shield. two older boys stand above him, smirking.

"i–i don't have any money," jisung stammers, eyes flicking between them nervously. one of the guys snatches the book from jisungs hands, the same thick astronomy one he's always reading, and tosses it across the hall. it hits the floor with a dull slap, sliding a few feet before stopping by chenles shoes.

chenle stares at it for a second, then sighs. he bends down, picks it up, dusts off the corner. it's not ripped. good.

before he can think too much about it, his feet are already moving. he pushes through the two older boys like they're just in the way, not even sparing them a glance, and hands the book back to jisung.

jisung blinks up at him, wide-eyed, surprised. "leave jisung alone," chenle says finally, his voice even but tired, like he really can't be bothered with this kind of thing. one of the older guys scoffs. "he owes us lunch."

chenle tilts his head, unimpressed. "oh yeah? maybe you should get a job, then." the sarcasm lands heavier than it should. the two exchange a look, clearly not expecting pushback from someone like him. chenle just raises a brow, waiting.

"go bother somebody else," he adds, voice flat. they roll their eyes, muttering something under their breath as they walk away. chenle doesn't bother listening, he doesn't care what they have to say.

when they're gone, jisung looks up at him again, clutching his book tight to his chest. "you didn't have to do that," he says softly. chenle shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. "don't let kids like that bother you," he mutters.

jisung nods, small and sheepish, his fingers tightening around the books spine. "thanks," he adds, so quietly chenle almost doesn't hear it. chenle nods once in return, already turning to leave, spinning on his heel with the hood still drawn low over his face.

he walks away before he can think too hard about it. about the way jisung had looked at him. about the fact that, for some reason, he didn't really want to walk away at all.

"chenle-hyung!"

jisungs voice carries from his front porch when chenle walks past again, and even though chenle tries not to, he feels a smile tug at his lips. he glances toward his own house first- dark windows, quiet but tense even from the outside, before turning toward jisung.

the boy's there, leaning over the railing with his usual book balanced against his knee, hair messy from the wind. chenle finds himself walking toward him before he even decides to.

"hey," he says quietly. jisung brightens immediately. "did you know that the milky way smells like rum and tastes like raspberries?" chenle lets out a small laugh, shaking his head. "what?"

jisung grins wider. "yeah. seriously."

this, this right here, is exactly why chenle likes him. jisung doesn't ask about the fight from earlier, doesn't thank him again, doesn't act weird or awkward. he just... exists. tells him things that don't matter but somehow make everything else easier to breathe through.

"that's random," chenle says, still smiling. jisung bites his lip like he's trying not to laugh too, eyes glinting under the porch light. 

"the milky way has a chemical called ethyl formate, it's a dust cloud called sagittarius-b2." he explains, voice slipping into that soft, excited tone he gets when he's talking about space. chenle doesn't say anything about how he's a sagittarius, but he thinks it. 

"it's what gives raspberries their flavour and rum its smell." chenle blinks, actually thinking about it. "so you're saying space tastes like raspberries?" jisung shrugs, like it's obvious. "pretty much."

chenle leans on the railing beside him, looking out at the street. "i never even considered that something like the milky way would have a smell or taste," he says quietly. it's just an offhand thought, but jisung doesn't laugh at him or make him feel dumb for saying it.

"right? the universe is just so interesting," jisung replies, eyes flicking up toward the sky like it's the most natural thing in the world to be thinking about galaxies at seven in the evening. chenle follows his gaze, the corner of his mouth softening. "yeah," he says, almost to himself. "it really is."

the two of them stand there for a moment- silent but not awkward, the air cool and still around them. chenle thinks about the way jisung always manages to make things feel lighter, even when everything else feels like it's pressing down.

rum and raspberries. he'll remember that one.

"i saw you out there talking to that weird space kid." the words hit chenle the moment he steps inside. the door isn't even shut yet when his dads voice cuts through the dim living room, sharp and slurred all at once.

chenle exhales quietly, already tired. "i told you to stay away from him," his dad continues, pointing an unsteady finger in his direction. chenle keeps his eyes on the floor. "we were just talking about the galaxy," he mumbles, hoping maybe, just maybe, that'll be enough.

it isn't.

the sound comes before the pain does. a sharp crack echoes through the room, and then his cheek burns, the force of it knocking him off balance. he stumbles, catching himself on the edge of the couch before falling to the floor.

"you shouldn't be focused on the stupid fucking galaxy!" his dad shouts, and it's so loud, so raw, it makes chenle flinch even though he's already bracing for it. "you should be focusing on your schoolwork! on something that actually matters!"

the world rings in his ears, his skin stinging where the hand print blooms red. he doesn't say anything- he's learned not to. silence is safer, silence keeps things from getting worse.

his dad keeps going for a while, pacing and muttering, the smell of alcohol thick in the air. chenle just sits there, small and still on the floor, staring at the scuffed corner of the coffee table.

and not for the first time, he wishes he'd never stepped foot into this house. he wishes he'd stayed outside. he wishes he'd stayed with jisung.

talking about the galaxy. about the milky way that smells like something he hates and tastes like something he loves. about things that are far away, untouchable, and so much kinder than this world could ever be.

so again, not even an hour later, when his dad drinks himself into unconsciousness on the couch, chenle's already slipping his hoodie back on. 

the air outside is cold, sharp enough to sting when it hits the side of his face, but he keeps his hood low, low enough to hide the red blooming mark on his cheek, low enough to hide the tears that keep threatening to fall.

he doesn't really know where he's going. maybe nowhere. maybe anywhere that isn't here. he walks fast, head down, hands shoved into his pockets, trying not to think about the echo of his dads voice still ringing in his ears.

"hey, hyung! do you know how special your existence is?" the sound of jisungs voice makes him stop in his tracks like always. it's too sudden, too unexpected. for a second, chenle forgets how to breathe. his chest tightens. how special your existence is.

he almost laughs, because, god, it's the last thing he feels right now. special.

"what?" he manages, his voice breaking somewhere between confusion and amusement. and it is kind of funny, in a heartbreaking way. jisung always seems to know exactly what to say, like he has some sixth sense for the moments chenle's falling apart.

jisung grins from where he's sitting on the curb, legs crossed, gaze tilted up toward the stars. "the probability of you being born is four hundred trillion to one," he says easily, like he's talking about the weather. "the odds of a specific person existing are basically zero."

chenle blinks, the words lodging somewhere deep inside him. four hundred trillion to one. he swallows, his throat tight. "that's... not a space fact," he says finally, biting at his lip.

jisung laughs softly, the sound small and warm in the cool night. "maybe not. but did you know the chance of life on any given planet is one in ten billion? it's rare to even exist. so the fact that you're standing there- it's super special."

he says it so simply, like it's undeniable truth, and somehow, that makes it harder to breathe. "are you saying i should be grateful for existing?" chenle asks quietly, finally turning toward him. 

the streetlight catches the faint shine on his cheek, the remnants of tears, the angry red that's only just starting to fade. if jisung notices, he doesn't say anything. he just meets chenles eyes and smiles, soft and steady.

"no," he says, with a small shrug. chenle furrows his brows, confused. jisung looks back up at the sky. "i'm just saying, i'm thankful that it was you." and that's when something inside chenle cracks- quietly, gently, in a way that almost feels like relief.

"the chance of it being you was near zero," jisung continues, voice barely above a whisper now, "so... i don't know. it's practically impossible for you, or me, to exist. but i'm really, really thankful that you do."

and for the first time that night, chenle stops hiding behind his hood. the air feels softer now, the night not quite as sharp as before. he walks over to where jisung's sitting on the curb, and without thinking too much about it, he lowers himself beside him. the ground is cold through his jeans, but he doesn't really mind.

"thanks," he says quietly, voice almost lost to the hum of distant cars. it's all he can think to say. jisung nods, brushing it off with an easy shrug. "hey, what star sign are you?" he asks suddenly, like they didn't just have the kind of conversation that cracks something open inside a person.

chenle huffs out a quiet laugh, biting his cheek at the abrupt shift. "uh, sagittarius, i guess." jisung hums thoughtfully, tilting his head up to the sky. after a few seconds, he points. "right there. that's sagittarius."

chenle follows the direction of his hand, squinting at the stretch of stars, but all he sees are, well, stars. scattered and glowing and impossible to piece together into anything.

"it's supposed to look like an archer," jisung adds, glancing at him with a little smile when he notices chenle still squinting, confused. "see those bright ones? they kind of make a teapot shape."

chenle frowns, eyes darting from one point of light to another, trying to connect invisible lines that just aren't there. "i can't find it," he mutters, and jisung laughs, a soft, genuine sound that somehow makes chenles chest ache.

jisung drops his hand and looks back at him. chenle keeps pretending to search the sky for a bit longer, but eventually he gives up, letting out a small sigh before turning to look at jisung instead.

he doesn't expect jisung to already be watching him. their eyes meet, quietly, and for a second it feels like the whole night pauses. "you're pretty, you know?" jisung says, so casually it almost doesn't sound like a compliment. more like a fact, like he's just naming another constellation.

chenle scoffs, quick to look away, curling in on himself a little. "sure," he mutters, a faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "says the guy who likes stars." jisung just hums again, his tone light but certain. "the stars are pretty too, if that's what you mean."

and for some reason, that makes chenles stomach twist. because jisung isn't comparing him to the stars- not saying he's more beautiful, or brighter, or anything cliché like that. he's just saying that chenle is also beautiful. in the same quiet, unexplainable way that the night sky is.

and somehow, that feels like more.

chenles in the school library the next day. it's quiet, the kind of quiet that makes him hyperaware of his own breathing. the air smells faintly of dust and old paper, and for once, he doesn't mind. 

he doesn't even really know why he's here, he doesn't like the library, not really, but somehow, his feet had brought him to the astronomy section without him realizing. his fingers trail across the spines of books as he walks.

"everything about earth."
"real life alien sightings."
"space and stars."

but the one that catches his eye is 100 random space facts. it feels right, somehow, like something jisung would pull off the shelf just to read him the weirdest fact on page seventy-three. chenle smiles a little at the thought before sliding the book free and flicking it open to a random page.

"one hour on earth is seven years in space," he reads under his breath, brow furrowing.
he frowns at the words, flipping the page to see if there's any more explanation, but there isn't. it just... leaves it at that. no reason why, no diagram. nothing that makes it make sense.

he knows that if jisung were the one telling him this, there'd be more to it- he'd be explaining it in that bright, excited way of his until chenle actually understood. but still, he closes the book, keeping the fact tucked away in his mind. maybe he'll ask him later.

and he does, later, when he walks into class and sees jisung sitting in his usual spot at the back of the room, headphones in, eyes focused on a book. sunlight filters through the window beside him, catching on the edge of his hair, and chenle can't help but grin a little.

without thinking too much about it, he pulls out the chair in front of jisung and sits down backwards in it, arms resting on the backrest. jisung looks up, startled for a second, before his expression softens. he takes out one of his earbuds.

"what's up?" jisung asks. chenle bites his lip, trying to hide a smile. "did you know that one hour in space is seven years on earth?" he says, proud of himself, until jisung blinks, then starts to laugh.

"wait, no- other way around. or, uh, i don't know," chenle stammers, cheeks heating up, and jisung only laughs harder, shaking his head. "close," jisung says, grin wide and warm. "it's kind of true, though. one hour on earth is about 0.0026 seconds in space- so it would be like seven years, if you compared it that way."

chenle stares at him. "that makes no sense."

jisung chuckles, closing his book. "it's called time dilation," he explains. "objects with a lot of mass, like black holes, bend the spacetime fabric. the closer you get to something with that kind of gravity, the slower time moves for somebody further away."

he leans back in his chair, thinking aloud. "so, if you were watching someone fall into a black hole from, let's say earth, they'd look like they were frozen in time. but from their perspective, everything would feel normal."

chenle squints, trying to follow, lips pursed. "so... it's like time travel?" jisung laughs softly, nodding. "i guess you could say that." and for some reason, that answer, the way jisung says it like time travel is as simple as breathing, makes chenle grin. 

he doesn't really get it, not completely, but he likes the sound of it. because if time can slow down, even just a little, maybe moments like this don't have to end so fast. "have you ever watched interstellar?"

jisungs voice is quiet, almost swallowed by the hum of the classroom. "hm?" chenle says, glancing over at him properly this time. "no, i haven't." jisung nods slowly, eyes drifting to the window. "you should. it's about time dilation."

chenle frowns just slightly, thinking. he couldn't watch it at home, not that he even had the means. his dad wouldn't let him, and they don't have any streaming services anyway.

"...would you want to watch it with me?" chenle asks quietly, almost hesitantly, like he's testing the waters, worried jisung might say no. jisung looks up sharply, a flicker of surprise crossing his face. chenle hadn't expected his own nerves to show, but jisung notices anyway. "what?" he asks softly.

"only if you want to," chenle shrugs, rubbing the back of his neck. "you could... tell me, like, facts and stuff." jisungs lips twitch into a small, shy smile. "sure," he says quietly. "that would be fun."

chenle nods, biting his lip at the thought. "tonight? at your house?" jisung nods again, more firmly this time. "uh- yeah, cool."

chenle already knows the consequences waiting for him at home. his dad would practically kill him if he knew he was sneaking out to watch a movie at jisungs place. he doesn't plan on mentioning it. just disappearing for a few hours... yeah, he knows exactly how that conversation would go.

but for a moment, standing there with jisung smiling at him, the thought of it, the idea of escaping, even just for a little while, feels worth it. worth every risk, worth every second.

so this time, instead of walking home alone and passing jisungs house, chenle walks next to him. it feels strange, at first, like he's stepped into some alternate version of his own life where things aren't quite as heavy, but it's not bad.

jisung pushes open his front door, calling out, "mum?" for a moment, chenle freezes, anxiety curling tight in his chest. he's never met jisungs parents before. he doesn't know what they're like, if they'll be loud, or cold, or cruel.

"in here, love," a womans voice calls back. it's warm, soft, and nothing like what he's used to. jisung hums, motioning for chenle to follow, and they walk into a small, bright room.

she's painting- something filled with swirls of blue and red, stars scattered like dust across a canvas. the whole room smells faintly of acrylic and soap, and there are paintings everywhere, some of space, some of flowers, others of things chenle can't even name.

"mum, this is chenle. he lives next door," jisung says quietly. she turns toward them, brush still in hand, and smiles. "oh, hello, love."

"hi," chenle says softly, awkward but polite, his voice barely above a whisper. "we're going to watch interstellar," jisung tells her. she nods, setting her brush down. "do you like space, too, chenle?" she asks, eyes kind.

he shrugs a little. "i guess." it's not a lie, but it's not the whole truth either. he likes jisung talking about space more than he likes space itself.

"well, enjoy yourselves," she says, turning back to her canvas. "there's popcorn in the cupboard." they both murmur a quiet "thanks" before heading off to the kitchen. "your mum is nice," chenle says after a moment, watching as jisung digs through a cupboard.

"thanks," jisung replies, smiling over his shoulder before focusing on the popcorn bag. "what was she painting?" chenle asks next, just to fill the quiet. "the heart nebula," jisung says. "it's an emission nebula, about 7,500 light years away from earth."

he speaks so casually, like he's naming the street they live on. he tosses the popcorn into the microwave, continuing, "it's in the constellation cassiopeia. named after an ancient greek queen, i think."

chenle just blinks at him, half-impressed, half-overwhelmed. "does your mum also like space?" he asks after a pause. jisung shrugs, turning to lean against the bench while the microwave hums softly. "not really, she just likes to paint. and, you know, i like space, so... she paints them for me."

he says it so simply, like it's normal. like it's just something mothers do.

chenle smiles faintly, but something heavy tugs inside his chest. it's almost unfamiliar- the idea of being cared for like that. of being loved, not because you earned it, not because someone decided you were worth the trouble, but just because.

he doesn't think he could ever be loved like that.

when he walks into jisungs room, popcorn freshly made, he almost laughs. he doesn't know what he was expecting exactly, but it probably should've been this. maps of the universe, and posters of space, and pictures of planets and stars scattered all across the walls.

his bed sheets are black with tiny white constellations, there's a shelf lined with carefully arranged planet models, and the faint glow of fairy lights makes everything feel softer, more alive. but what really gets chenle, what makes him stop in the doorway, is the ceiling.

it's painted like the solar system.

he tilts his head back, following each planet with his eyes, the sun, mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, uranus, neptune, and he's pretty sure the small one at the end, tucked into the corner, is pluto.

"woah," chenle breathes, spinning slightly as he stares. there's the moon, tiny and silver, and smaller moons orbiting other planets too. stars, constellations, a faint milky way stretched across the center.

"mum painted it," jisung says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, like it's something to be embarrassed about. "i feel like i've just stepped into a space museum," chenle jokes, grinning. "a planetarium?" jisung offers, smiling back, and chenle shrugs. "whatever it's called."

jisung laughs under his breath. it's quiet, but it sounds proud. "i never realized how small the first four planets are," chenle says after a beat, still looking up. "do you have a favourite?" jisung asks.

chenle thinks about saying no, because he's never really thought about it before, but instead, he just says, "saturn."

"why?" jisung asks, curious. "because you showed me it," chenle says simply, quietly, like the words slipped out before he could think. jisungs laugh is softer this time. "mine's neptune." chenle looks at him, waiting for the rest- because with jisung, there's always more.

"it's the coldest planet in our solar system," jisung continues, gaze drifting to the ceiling. "average temperatures are around minus two hundred fourteen degrees celsius. it's basically all ice, water, and storms."

chenle nods, smiling. "and you like that, why?" he teases. jisung just shrugs, setting the popcorn bowl down at the edge of the bed. "i like the cold. if i could survive temperatures like that, i'd live there."

chenle laughs. "you said it's just ice, water and storms. you wouldn't be able to cook or build anything. you'd just be stuck floating around in the dark." jisung grins, a little tilt of his head. "look at you," he says, amused. "you're turning into a nerd, hyung."

"yeah, right," chenle mutters, rolling his eyes as he finally sits beside him, the two of them under that painted sky, popcorn between them, like it's the closest thing to space they'll ever touch.

jisung puts on the movie not long after that, and sure, it's only been twenty minutes, but chenle is already confused. "jisung, i don't get it," chenle whispers, squinting at the screen as matthew mcconaughey tosses a coin on the ground.

"just watch, hyung," jisung whispers back, voice soft and amused, and chenle sighs like it's a personal challenge. he tries to follow the dialogue, the science, the urgency, but half the time he doesn't even know what they're talking about.

"so, he's going to another galaxy to find a planet people can live on?" chenle asks quietly, about forty minutes in. "yeah. 'cause earth's starting to become unlivable," jisung murmurs, eyes still fixed on the screen.

chenle hums. "why?" jisung snorts, nudging him. "just watch, you'll find out." so chenle tries. really, he does. but his brain keeps tripping over things.

"wow, i'd get dizzy with all that spinning," he mutters, and jisung immediately launches into some explanation about centripetal force and artificial gravity, like it's second nature.

then, "i could never do this," and jisung just laughs quietly beside him. and then, "are wormholes even real?" jisung smiles, not looking away from the movie. "possibly. they haven't been proven to exist, but they're consistent with the general theory of relativity."

chenle blinks. he doesn't even know what that means. 

then jisung speaks, "each clicking noise in this scene represents one day passing on earth compared to the time on this planet." and chenle mutters a quiet "wow," like he's interested.

so, yeah. chenle's not the best person to watch movies with, he knows that. he talks too much, asks too many questions, forgets to pay attention to the plot. but if he's honest, he doesn't really care about the movie.

he just likes hearing jisung talk. likes the way his voice changes when he explains things, quiet but sure, almost glowing. likes the small smile that sneaks onto jisungs face every time he gets to teach him something new.

and when jisung glances over, just once, to check if chenle's still watching, chenle looks away fast, pretending to be focused on the screen. 

but really, he's thinking that maybe he's never cared less about interstellar travel in his life. and maybe, he's never cared more about the person explaining it to him.

when the movie ends, chenle thinks he finally gets it. "oh," he says as the credits roll, the word soft and almost reverent, like something just clicked. jisung laughs quietly beside him, and chenle frowns, glancing over. "that was really sad," he says, pulling his knees up to his chest.

jisung smiles, shifting forward a little. "do you understand time dilation now?" he asks, and chenle nods. that hollow, gut-deep ache sits in his chest, like the kind of ache you get from a movie that leaves you thinking long after the screen goes black.

"yeah, i do," chenle says after a moment. "it's really cool, but it's also... really evil." he says the word carefully, tasting it like it doesn't quite fit but it's the best he has. "evil?" jisung echoes, half amused, half curious.

"because," chenle says, thinking it through, "to you everything feels normal. time moves like it should. but it's not like that for everyone else; everyone you love has to live without you, waiting, getting older while you don't even notice. if you don't realize that's what's happening, that's... evil, right?"

jisung nods slowly, smiling in that quiet, understanding way of his. "but he knew, though," jisung says gently. "he knew time would move slower for him."

"then he's evil too," chenle decides, and jisung laughs softly, shaking his head as he leans forward to turn the movie off. the screen fades to black, and the room settles into a kind of comfortable silence, broken only by the soft hum of the tv.

after a moment, chenle speaks again. "if aliens really came, would you actually go with them? like, even if we left earth and time continued to move faster here like in it did in the movie?" jisung pauses, considering it. "i mean... yeah," he says eventually.

chenle turns to look at him properly now. "would you be okay with that?" jisung blinks, confused. "what do you mean?"

"i just mean, why would you want to go?" chenle says quietly, resting his chin on his knees. "leave earth, leave everyone?"

jisung hums, eyes drifting toward his window, the night outside. "most of the time, i don't feel like i belong here," he admits softly. "like i'm meant to be somewhere else. if aliens came, it would be proof, you know? proof that feeling means something. i'd have to go, just to find out."

chenle hums back, understanding more than he expected to. it kind of makes him sad, but also, he gets it. maybe more than anyone else could. then jisung turns to him. "you said that if they came, you'd want to come with me. why?"

chenle sighs, looking out jisungs window toward the house next door. his house. the light in the kitchen still on, the shape of his father probably still moving somewhere behind the curtains. he doesn't have to see it to know exactly what's happening inside.

"because i want to escape," chenle says simply, his voice almost too quiet. "i want to leave this shitty place. go somewhere else. somewhere better." he stares at his house a moment longer before turning back to jisung. "if you're not from here," he says softly, "then neither am i."

jisungs expression softens. he smiles that small, sad smile, the kind that looks like understanding and heartbreak all at once, and nods. "what's the time?" chenle asks after a moment, breaking the quiet. jisung reaches for his phone on the bedside table, the screen lighting up his face in the dark. "uh, 9:42."

"shit," chenle mutters, scrambling to his feet. "i should head back home." he runs a hand through his hair, already feeling that familiar knot of dread building in his stomach as he grabs his school bag from the floor.

"do you have to?" jisung asks, voice soft, hopeful in a way that makes chenle pause for just a second. he huffs out a weak laugh. "unless you've got a secret spaceship hidden around here somewhere, yeah. i have to."

jisung smiles a little at that, but it doesn't reach his eyes. he stands too, fidgeting with the hem of his hoodie. "are you gonna come back out later?" he asks, and chenle freezes.

"i- i don't know," he admits quietly. and it's the truth. it depends on how bad things get tonight, if he can still walk, if he can still bring himself to climb down the stairs again. it depends on whether he can stand to let jisung see him like that.

jisung nods, gentle. "if you do, i'll see you soon," he says, offering a small smile. "if not... see you tomorrow?" chenle swallows, forcing himself to nod back. "yeah. tomorrow."

he turns before the moment can linger too long, slipping through the hallway toward the door. "see you!" he calls, voice cracking slightly as he pushes it open.

the night air hits him- cold, sharp, real. he pauses just outside, his bag slung over one shoulder, and looks up. the stars are still there, faint but steady, scattered like freckles across the dark sky. 

for one exact second, he breathes.

and then he swallows hard, drops his gaze, and takes the ten small, heavy steps toward the house next door. toward the door he knows will open to shouting. toward the place that's never felt like home.

not even ten minutes after chenle walks through the door, he's on the floor. his cheek stings, his ribs throb, and there's blood trailing warm and slow down the side of his face. he doesn't cry, he just lies there, breath shaking, staring at the dark blur of the ceiling.

and all he can think about is space.

space, and jisung.

the air reeks of alcohol. his fathers heavy snores echo from the couch, the rhythm of them almost loud enough to drown out the ringing in his ears. chenle blinks, and his mind drifts far, far away.

he thinks about what jisung said, about the odds of existing. 400 trillion to one. near zero. and for the first time, he doesn't find that comforting. he just wishes it wasn't him. he wishes the odds had fallen differently, that someone else had been born in his place. someone stronger, someone who could stand up.

he wishes he could disappear into the vacuum; quiet, weightless, free.

out there, in the silence between galaxies, no one would hit him. no one would shout his name like it was something sharp and hateful. there'd just be stars; stars and cold and stillness. maybe jisung would be there too, floating beside him.

and chenle thinks that would be enough. because out there, he wouldn't have to be important, or strong, or anything at all. he could just exist; small and meaningless and safe. and for the first time, that sounds like peace.

chenle doesn't make it to school that day.

he wakes up to pain, sharp, deep, and dull all at once, and for a while, he just lies there, staring at the ceiling that's beginning to blur from how heavy his eyes feel. 

he tells himself he could get up if he really wanted to, but the truth is he doesn't. he doesn't want anyone to see him like this. the bruises, the split lip, the way he moves like he's afraid of himself.

so he stays there. the house is quiet, too quiet, except for the ticking clock that reminds him that time keeps going, even when he doesn't. but time always moves, and eventually, the quiet breaks.

his father comes home. the familiar sound of glass clinking, the twist of a bottle cap, the slur of his voice that starts low and ends in anger. 

it's always the same, words like worthless, lazy, pathetic thrown through the doorway like they mean nothing, and then silence again. the sound of him collapsing into the couch. the tv hums faintly for a while before even that goes quiet.

and then, finally, it's dark.

when the sky outside deepens into indigo and the first stars start to show, chenle moves. slowly, carefully. every ache in his body protests, but he swings his legs off the bed anyway and walks to the window.

and there he is. jisung. out on his porch, wrapped in a blanket, lamp glowing beside him, telescope pointed toward the sky. he looks so peaceful it almost hurts to see. something in chenle stirs, small but certain. he wants to be there. he wants that.

so, even though his body screams and every step feels like it might split him open again, he pulls on his hoodie, tugs the hood low, slips a mask over his face, and quietly creeps down the stairs.

the air outside hits cold against his skin, but it's cleaner than anything inside that house. and as he steps into the night, toward the soft glow of jisungs porch, for the first time that day, it feels like he's doing something that belongs to him.

"chenle-hyung!"

his name echoes softly through the night, and chenle can't help the way his lips curve under his mask. he turns his head toward the sound, and there's jisung, wrapped in his blanket, grin bright even under the yellow porch light.

"hey," chenle says, voice cracking just a little. his throat feels dry, but he pushes through it, trying to sound like himself. 

"did you know that by the time it will take me to finish talking, a star somewhere in the universe will have exploded into a supernova?" he says, pausing just long enough to add, "boom."

and for the first time that day, maybe even the first time in weeks, chenle laughs.

it bursts out of him without warning, sharp and breathless, and it makes his ribs ache, but he doesn't care. he's laughing too hard to care. because this; this moment, this boy, this porch, is the only thing that feels real. it's the only thing that doesn't hurt.

jisung blinks, surprised for a second before his smile widens. "why are you laughing? come on, hyung, a star just died," he says, teasing, and chenle snorts, doubling over a little.

"sorry-" he chokes out between giggles, trying to catch his breath. "i'm sorry, i just-" he pauses, the laughter fading into something quieter, gentler. he exhales, looking at jisung, the porch light catching in jisungs eyes like he's one of those stars that hasn't gone out yet.

"i just like you," chenle admits finally, the words slipping out before he can think twice about them. and for a heartbeat, everything is still, just the sound of the wind, the faint hum of the lamp, and the soft pulse of something new between them.

"you like me?" jisung asks after a beat, his voice barely above a whisper, like he's scared the words might break if he says them too loud. there's a tiny crease between his brows, like he doesn't quite believe it.

"yeah," chenle says, simple and quiet, stepping closer until he's standing beside him. "i like you," he adds, softer this time, and jisung nods, clearing his throat like he needs something to fill the silence that follows.

"do you... want to see the moon?" jisung asks then, tone a little uncertain, and chenle looks up automatically, spotting it in the sky. "there it is," he says, pointing, dead serious, and jisung laughs, shaking his head.

"no, i mean- through my telescope."

"oh," chenle says, blinking once before smiling a little. "yeah, sure." he lets jisung guide him to the seat, jisungs hand brushing his shoulder in that careful, unthinking way that feels steadying. chenle sits, lowering himself toward the telescope, breath catching as he presses his eye to the viewfinder.

it's not saturn, but still, it's unreal. pale light, sharp edges, endless texture. he can almost feel the distance between here and there, the quiet in all that space. "oh, wow," he murmurs, eyes darting over the glowing surface. "it's so clear..."

jisung hums beside him, leaning in to twist a dial, his voice close to chenles ear. "i can zoom in even closer, wait-" he adjusts the focus, and chenle lets out a soft giggle. "it's blurry," he teases, and jisung laughs under his breath, tweaking it again until suddenly it snaps into clarity.

"there," jisung says.

"that's unreal," chenle breathes, eyes wide. he can see every crater, every shadow. it feels too intimate, too magical for something that's just hanging up there in the sky. and for a moment, he forgets everything else- every ache, every bruise, every reason he almost didn't come. it's just this. the moon, and jisung beside him.

"you seem upset," jisung says softly after a moment, and chenles stomach twists. he doesn't like that- doesn't like this. jisung's never said anything about it before, never pressed, and chenle doesn't want him to start now. he doesn't want to explain or reword or relive it. he just wants to be here. exist next to jisung, quietly, without having to remember.

"kind of," chenle mutters finally, pulling back from the telescope. when he looks up, the porch light catches the edges of his face, and he knows- he knows jisung can see the bruises, the faint swelling. "but i'm okay," he adds quickly, like that makes it true.

jisung nods, though his eyes linger for a moment too long. then, without a word, he steps off the porch and onto the grass, crouching down to untie his shoes. "what are you doing?" chenle asks, his voice caught somewhere between confusion and a laugh.

"come here," jisung says, tugging off his socks next. chenle blinks, brows furrowed, but he listens. he steps down from the porch, the boards creaking beneath him, and joins jisung on the grass.

"take off your shoes and socks," jisung tells him, and chenle huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. "you're insane," he mutters, but he does it anyway. the cool air hits his skin, and when his feet press into the grass, it's cold and damp.

"do you feel that?" jisung asks, looking up at him with that small, earnest smile. "feel what?" chenle asks back. "the earth," jisung says simply, looking down again, curling his toes into the dirt. 

"all my life, i've wanted to leave it, to go into space." he pauses, fingers brushing the grass. "but then i realized... earth is a part of space. i'm a part of the solar system, even if i'm not floating out there. and i don't know why, but when i let myself feel the ground, when i let myself hurt, i realize that the heaviness in my chest is just gravity." he exhales. 

"and gravity's what keeps me here."

chenle stares at him, speechless for a moment. he knows what grounding is, he's heard of it before- but somehow, the way jisung says it makes it sound like poetry. like physics and comfort could exist in the same breath.

of course jisung would find a way to make staying on earth sound like something worth doing, even when he knows that they both want to leave. so, chenle looks down, buries his feet into the soil, and lets himself feel it, the cold, the weight, the quiet gravitational pull of being here.

"thank you," chenle breathes, voice barely above a whisper, eyes fixed on the grass beneath him. "you've got to have courage, chenle," jisung says quietly, almost like he's reminding himself as much as chenle. 

"the stars have courage," he adds, like it's a fact. chenle snorts, shaking his head, half amused, half in disbelief. "that's a metaphor," chenle mumbles, looking up briefly to catch jisungs smile.

jisung shrugs, calm and steady. "the stars endure light, rarity, and existing despite overwhelming odds. that sounds like courage to me," he says simply. chenle scoffs, but there's a slow nod underneath it, a quiet acknowledgment that maybe jisung's right.

maybe all he needs is courage.

the next morning, chenle sets out on a mission for three things. first, raspberries. he goes to the supermarket, picking out a small packet, red and plump. while he's there, he grabs the second thing: milky ways. the chocolate, not the galaxy. he thinks it'd be cooler if he could actually bring the galaxy itself down to earth.

the third, he prepares at home. he waits, hiding until his dad leaves the house, and then he makes his move. he slips over to his dads liquor cabinet, glancing around carefully, and pulls out a bottle of rum. chenle grabs a few cotton pads, soaks them thoroughly, and lets them sit to absorb the scent.

once he's done, he rummages through his closet and finds an old box. he places the raspberries, milky ways, and rum-soaked pads inside, secures the lid, and stuffs it into his backpack before heading off to school.

just like the other day, chenle spots jisung in class. headphones in, but this time jisung isn't buried in a book, he's staring out the window, eyes tracing the bright blue sky. 

chenle slides the chair in front of him out, sitting backward like he did before, and jisung looks over, already smiling as if he knows who it is. chenle smiles back.

"i got you something," chenle says, digging into his backpack and pulling out the small box. jisung tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed, staring at the three items. "what is this?" he asks, eyes flicking between the raspberries, chocolate, and cotton pads.

"i brought you our galaxy," chenle says with a small grin. something clicks in jisungs mind, and he leans forward, muttering, "no way." chenle giggles, proud of himself.

"don't tell me those smell like rum," jisung says, pointing at the cotton pads. chenle shrugs, laughing. "i dunno," he says. "you'll have to eat a raspberry and smell it at the same time, then tell me." he taps his fingers excitedly on the back of the seat.

"i can't believe you remembered this," jisung whispers, carefully pulling out the packet of raspberries. "of course. i remember everything you tell me," chenle replies softly, like it doesn't mean anything at all. 

jisung lingers a second with his fingers on the packet, then clears his throat and opens it. "come on, you have to do it too," jisung says, and chenle nods, laughing, plucking a raspberry from the packet.

"here," he says, handing jisung a rum-soaked cotton pad. "okay, so... bite down on the raspberry and smell this at the same time?" jisung asks, and chenle nods, giggling at the ridiculousness of it.

"three, two, one," they count together, then pop the raspberries into their mouths, biting down while pressing the rum-soaked cotton pad to their noses. "oh my god," jisung blurts, covering his mouth, wincing at the sharp smell, and chenle immediately bursts into laughter.

"the raspberry is good, though," chenle points out between giggles, and jisung laughs, finally setting the cotton pad down. "wow," jisung says, swallowing, "it's like i got transported into the milky way for a second." chenle just shrugs, grinning. "you're so welcome."

jisung smiles softly for a moment, just staring at chenle, before his gaze drifts back down to the little collection of items on his desk. "thank you," jisung says quietly, "for remembering. and actually caring about my interests." he adds, and chenle just nods, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"courage, remember? we're in this together," chenle says gently, watching jisung meet his eyes. "yeah," jisung replies, quiet and thoughtful, nodding once. "courage."

Chapter Text

the clouds cover the night sky that night, hiding every star from view, and for that reason, chenle doesn't find jisung outside when he sneaks out. he could keep walking, go to the park, sit under the dull streetlights and pretend it's starlight, but he realizes the only reason he ever sneaks out is to see jisung.

so, instead, he makes his way around to the back of jisungs house. the grass is wet beneath his shoes, the air sharp and cool, and he stops in front of the window he knows belongs to jisung. he hesitates for a moment, then knocks.

no answer.

he knocks again, a little louder this time, and then watches as jisung suddenly pulls the curtains open, eyes wide, ready to attack whoever's outside his room. chenle can't help it; he bursts into a quiet laugh when jisungs expression softens in recognition.

"jesus, you scared me," jisung breathes, pushing open the window. "sorry," chenle says quickly, still laughing a little. "can i come in?"

jisung sighs, shaking his head but stepping aside. "you could've just texted me instead of making me think a murderer was trying to break in." he mutters, climbing back onto his bed and tugging the blanket over his legs.

"i don't have your number, idiot," chenle reminds him, pulling himself through the window. "oh," jisung says, like it's only just occurred to him. chenle flops onto the bed beside him with a sigh, staring up at the ceiling, the painted solar system stretching wide and dark above them.

"i can't get over interstellar," chenle says suddenly. jisung blinks at him. "what? we watched that like, a week ago."

"i know, but it just- it sucked," chenle says, frowning. "i mean, i get why he went on the mission, but i think it was selfish."

"selfish?" jisung repeats, amusement flickering in his eyes.

"yeah," chenle says firmly. "he missed his kids' whole lives. by the time he came back, they were old and dying. and sure, he didn't realize it'd be that long, but he knew time would pass differently. he chose that. and that's just... unfair."

he crosses his arms, still frowning, like the movie personally wronged him. jisung just watches him, a faint smile tugging at his lips. "he missed birthdays, graduations, everything. and for what? a mission that would've happened without him anyway. it's not like the universe was waiting for him."

"so," jisung asks softly, "you wouldn't do it, then?" chenle pauses, thinking. "i mean... i don't have anything holding me here. it's different. my dad wouldn't miss me. honestly, he'd probably be happy if i left."

"i'd miss you," jisung says quietly. chenle snorts. "you'd come with me, idiot." jisung smiles faintly. "but i have my mum here. wouldn't that make me selfish? leaving her behind?" the question sits between them, heavier than it should be. chenle stares up at the painted planets before answering.

"it's different again," he says finally. "you'd still be leaving someone, but not like that. you're not missing their whole life, you know? it's more like... you'd be the one missing out. the one who doesn't get to live it."

jisung hums in thought, then laughs quietly. "i never really planned on any of that anyway." chenle looks over. "like what?"

"kids. marriage. all that stuff," jisung says, voice soft but steady. "i just never pictured myself being loved like that. by anyone." he pauses, eyes flickering toward the window. "i guess it's easier to imagine being up there, in space, than being here and waiting for something that's never going to happen."

chenle swallows, watching him. "me too," he says after a moment. "not the space bit. but... the being loved part." the words hang in the quiet between them, soft and fragile, like stars trying to shine through clouds.

after a moment, jisung rolls to his side and whispers, "do you want to see something cool?" his voice barely carries, like he's sharing a secret. of course, chenle nods, whispering back, "sure."

jisung slips out of bed and crosses to the other side of his room, to the small bookshelf overflowing with books about space. for a second, he runs his fingers along the spines, skimming the titles like he's searching for the right one, before pulling out a thick, heavy book.

as he walks back, he's already flipping through the pages, stopping only when he finds what he's looking for. he sits down on the bed beside chenle, the pages open between them. chenle leans forward, eyes tracing the swirl of color and light. galaxies, he realizes.

"this one," jisung says, turning the book so chenle can see better. chenle studies the page, it's beautiful, sure, but he doesn't really understand what makes it special. 

"do you see anything in the shape?" jisung asks, voice soft. chenle tilts his head, squints a little. "not really," he admits. jisungs fingers trail lightly across the glossy paper. "it's a rose," he says, almost reverently. 

"this galaxy is called ugc 1810." he points to the spiral one at the top. "its disk is tidally distorted into a rose shape by the gravitational pull of the galaxy below it." he points again. "that one's ugc 1813. it looks like the stem." he glances at chenle briefly, checking if he's following.

"wow," chenle whispers, eyes tracing the curve of the rose-shaped galaxy. and he sees it now- soft petals of light, reaching into the dark.

"it's in a constellation called andromeda," jisung goes on quietly. "she was a greek god. remember the heart nebula my mum was painting? that is in a constellation called cassiopeia. andromeda was her daughter."

chenle nods slowly, eyes still on the page, then looks up at jisung. "andromeda has a neighbouring constellation called perseus," jisung says, smiling faintly. "he was her lover." he pauses, looking back down at the galaxies, at the delicate shape between them. 

"people like to say he gave this rose to her." his voice drops to a whisper again, soft, fragile, sincere, and chenle swears his heart skips a beat. "romantic, right?" jisung mumbles, half-teasing, and chenle laughs, nodding. "are you flirting with me through galaxies?" he shoots back, grinning.

jisung just scoffs, shaking his head as he closes the book and stands to put it back on the shelf. "i'm just saying," he mutters, shifting a few books aside so the larger one fits, "there's love everywhere. even in places we wouldn't expect it- like galaxies, and constellations." his voice is quieter now, almost thoughtful, and when he glances over his shoulder at chenle, there's something knowing in his eyes.

"sure, we look up at the sky and see these things, just stars, just shapes, but when we look deeper, when we learn the stories behind them, love suddenly seems a lot more possible." he pauses, as if that's all he needs to say, then makes his way back to the bed.

chenle watches him the whole time, how easily jisung moves through the dark, how he slips back under the covers like he's folding himself into the night. and chenle thinks, not for the first time, that he doesn't know how jisung does it; how he always manages to make him feel better, somehow, using nothing but space.

"you always contradict yourself, you know," chenle whispers, half teasing, his voice soft against the quiet of the room. jisung furrows his brows but still smiles, eyes flicking over to him. "what?" he asks, amused, and chenle just shrugs, chewing absently on his lip.

"you say you want to go to space, that you don't belong on earth, but then you make me feel the earth. you tell me how the heaviness we feel is just gravity, and that gravity is what keeps us here," chenle says, the corners of his mouth tugging up slightly as he speaks.

"and then," he continues, "you tell me you don't think you could ever be loved, that it'd be easier to be in space; but then you show me that love even exists in space." chenle pauses for a second, almost smiling. "you're contradictory."

jisung scoffs, but it's gentle. "you're right," he admits quietly after a moment. "that's my problem, huh? i think one thing but say another." his tone isn't defensive, more curious, like he's just realizing something about himself. "i guess i've never really thought about it that way."

"i don't mean it in a bad way," chenle says softly, and jisung shakes his head. "i know," he replies, the corner of his mouth lifting, teasing but sincere. "i guess it's because of you. i try to prove things to you, and in turn, prove them to myself."

chenle lets out a small laugh at that, the kind that sounds half fond and half shy. "even though it's contradictory, i think it's okay," he says after a moment. "there's nothing wrong with wanting two things at once; like wanting to be in space but still enjoying being on earth. or not feeling like you'll be loved, but still knowing love exists." he shrugs. "makes us human."

jisung hums, the sound quiet but warm, and then nudges chenle with his elbow. "you're smart, hyung," he teases lightly. chenle huffs out a laugh, shaking his head. "i'm not," he says. "you just make me think deeper than i ever have before."

jisung hums softly, a small smile pulling at his lips before he whispers, "you'll find love, chenle." he says it so simply, like he's stating a fact, like it's inevitable. 

"you're smart, kind, beautiful," jisung adds, voice low but sure. "there's no way you won't." his eyes drift away from chenles, up toward the ceiling, like it's easier to look anywhere else.

chenle watches him for a moment, the words sitting heavy and gentle all at once. "you too, jisung," he whispers back, almost afraid to break the quiet between them. "i mean it."

and he does. he knows it's true, because he likes jisung. he likes him in a way that feels undeniable, steady, like gravity itself. and if he can see how easy it is to love jisung, then surely, he thinks, so many others will too.

chenle isn't really listening to whatever the teacher's saying in class the next day. instead, his focus drifts to jisungs arm resting on the desk in front of him- the pale skin, the faint clutter of freckles near his elbow. without thinking much about it, chenle takes his pen and begins connecting the dots.

jisung doesn't stop him. he just keeps writing notes with his other hand, eyes flicking up every now and then while chenle traces lazy lines across his skin. after a while, chenle leans back to admire his work- a little constellation, delicate and crooked and his.

he laughs under his breath, and the sound catches jisungs attention. jisung looks over, sees the mess of ink on his arm, and smiles. "a constellation?" he whispers, and chenle nods, grinning. "using your freckles," he says. jisung huffs a quiet laugh, shaking his head.

"it needs a name," jisung murmurs after a moment, and chenle hums thoughtfully before bending forward again. he writes chenle just above the pattern and sits back, pleased. "perfect," he declares softly.

jisung glances down at his arm, scoffing, but there's a smile tugging at his mouth. "idiot," he mutters, but he doesn't wipe it away. instead, he leaves his arm where it is, open, waiting, in case chenle decides to draw more.

and he does; across the small stretch of jisungs arm, chenle keeps drawing. stars scatter beneath his pen, orbiting around tiny planets and looping rings. he adds a few asteroids, some smaller constellations, and then, finally, a little astronaut drifting among them all. jisungs arm becomes its own universe, ink-black and alive beneath the classroom light.

"do you want to come with me to this light show thing tomorrow?" jisung asks suddenly, his voice low, like the question wasn't meant to break the quiet. chenles pen pauses mid-line, hovering over jisung's skin.

"what'll be there?" he asks, resuming his slow tracing. "i don't really know," jisung admits. "i think you just walk through, and there are different light displays. i saw online there's one with planets." he says it almost absently, like he's afraid chenle won't care, and chenle hums, listening.

"mum and i are going, but... if you wanted to, you could come too," jisung adds. chenle glances up at him briefly. "you sure? i wouldn't want to intrude." jisung just shakes his head, smiling faintly. "you wouldn't. i think mum's bringing a date with her, anyway."

chenle snorts at that, the corner of his mouth curving. "am i your date, then?" he teases lightly, and jisungs breath catches just a little before he shrugs, eyes flicking away. "if you wanted to be," he whispers.

"oh," chenle whispers back, swallowing a little. "sure. it sounds fun." his voice is so quiet, almost swallowed by the classroom hum, he isn't even sure jisung hears it. but when he glances up, jisung is smiling softly, muttering a gentle, "cool," before returning to his schoolwork as if nothing happened, and chenle can't help the small, warm flutter in his chest.

"wow," chenle breathes, stepping through the gates of the light show. it's breathtaking. lights drift all around them in every shape imaginable, a tunnel of shifting colors, delicate strands woven through the trees, glowing sculptures, even bursts of illuminated patterns that feel almost alive.

thankfully, the show had started at 8:30 pm, and by the time chenle had slipped out of the house to meet jisung, his dad was already knocked out, snoring on the couch somewhere upstairs. chenle feels a rush of relief, and freedom, wash over him as he takes in the scene.

"it's so pretty," jisung hums, eyes drifting over the lights, mouth slightly parted in awe. chenle nods, letting himself be pulled into the moment, feeling lighter than he has in weeks.

"alright, boys, let's meet back here at about 9:30," jisungs mum calls over her shoulder, already heading in a different direction with her date. chenle glances at jisung, who nods in acknowledgment.

"come on," jisung says gently, offering his hand, and chenle takes it without hesitation, letting himself be led deeper into the maze of lights. the air hums softly with the faint sounds of music and laughter from other visitors, but chenle barely notices- he's focused on the warm weight of jisungs hand, the way his smile curves just for him, and the magic of the world around them.

"light travels on earth at approximately 299,705,543 meters per second. it would take 0.13 seconds to circle the earth at the speed of light," jisung says, his free hand drifting through the hanging fairy lights as they walk, the other still holding chenles.

chenle smiles softly at him, at the way jisung says it like it's nothing, how he just knows that number off the top of his head. "light slows down slightly when it travels through air compared to a vacuum, so it's slower here than it is in space. but still, it's the fastest possible speed for anything to travel," jisung adds, glancing at chenle briefly, and grins when he notices chenle already smiling back.

"what?" chenle asks, shrugging, his gaze flicking away from jisung to the way the lights ripple and sway around them. "i can't believe you remember that number," he says, shaking his head in mild disbelief.

jisung laughs softly, shrugging. "it's the autism," he jokes, and chenle furrows his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly. "you're autistic?" he asks, curiosity plain in his tone, no judgment in his voice; just realizing something he never thought to consider before.

"you couldn't tell?" jisung teases, raising an eyebrow. chenle snorts, shaking his head. "maybe. i just never really thought about it," he admits, turning his attention back to the new display of lights they're walking into, the colours reflecting softly across their faces.

"this is my favourite display so far," chenle says, shifting the topic without even realizing it, just one of those things that feels important in the moment, even if it doesn't really change anything. jisung's still jisung, no matter what.

"what? this is so boring," jisung says back, glancing around like he's searching for something worth calling a favourite. shapes hang from the trees, glowing a soft purple from the leds strung between branches, but chenle thinks it's beautiful anyway.

"take a picture of me," chenle giggles, pulling his phone from his pocket and handing it to jisung. he steps away, moving toward a cluster of box-shaped lights dangling low enough to frame his face, and jisung raises an eyebrow, aiming the camera at him.

"smile," jisung says, and chenle doesn't know why, but it makes him laugh. "done," jisung mutters, and chenle jogs back to him, bumping him lightly with his shoulder when he meets his side.

"were they any good?" chenle asks, leaning closer as he flicks through the pictures. "this one's cute," jisung says casually, then swipes to the next, and again, chenle doesn't know why such a simple thing makes his chest flutter. 

"come on," chenle murmurs, looping his hand through jisungs arm and tugging him forward, a small smile at his lips. at first, chenle doesn't really notice what it is he's walking toward in the next display, but jisung gasps beside him.

"look, it's the planets, hyung," jisung says, pointing ahead, and chenle finally sees it. before, they had just looked like glowing spheres, but now, they're laid out in order, and behind them stands a huge inflatable astronaut- chenle isn't sure how he missed it before.

"how pretty," jisung breathes, pulling chenle closer to the sun. "tell me a fact about each planet as we walk past," chenle whispers, already knowing it's just because he likes hearing jisung talk about his interests. jisung smiles at him briefly, nods, and clears his throat.

"the sun isn't a planet, but it's pretty important. its gravity keeps all the other planets anchored in their predictable paths, preventing them from just flying off into space," jisung explains as they walk past the massive blow-up sun, glancing at chenle with a smile.

"mercury has extreme temperature swings. you'd think it's always hot, being closest to the sun," jisung continues, and chenle hums, listening. "and that's true, it can reach 430 degrees celsius in the daytime, but at night, it drops to minus 180."

"why's that?" chenle asks, genuinely curious, and jisungs smile widens. "mercury has no atmosphere, so it can't trap heat. during the day, solar radiation cooks it, and at night, all that heat just escapes into space, creating the extreme lows."

chenle nods thoughtfully, following jisung to the next planet. "venus, the planet of love," jisung says, amused. "it's often called earths evil twin, because it's nearly identical in size and mass, made of the same materials, but you'd literally roast alive if you tried to step foot on it." chenle snorts, nodding along.

"earth," jisung says next, pausing at the inflatable model. "has you," he adds simply, and chenle laughs, nudging him. "that's dumb," he teases, but jisung just smiles, moving to the next planet.

"do you know what the giant red spot on jupiter is?" jisung asks, and chenle shakes his head. "it's the great red spot, a massive high-pressure storm the size of three earths. it's been there for over 350 years." chenle hums quietly. "that's cool."

"saturn, your favourite," jisung says, smiling. "mostly hydrogen and helium, extremely dense- it would float on water." chenle chuckles. "you'd need a lot of water," he jokes. jisung laughs, "hm, around 120,536 km wide." chenle scoffs.

"uranus," jisung continues, and chenle smiles at jisungs careful pronunciation instead of the childish version his classmates tease him with. "first planet discovered through a telescope in 1781 by william herschel, he thought it was a comet at first." chenle nods, smiling.

"and then-" jisung starts, but chenle interrupts, "neptune. your favourite." jisung nods, eyes drifting over the deep blue inflatable. "neptune has six faint rings that are nearly impossible to see," chenle adds, proud, and jisung laughs, nodding.

"they're very dark, thin, and spread out, with a high proportion of dust and low optical depth," jisung explains further, and chenle leans lightly against the rail, glancing at jisung. the deep blue light from the display casts gentle shadows across his face, and chenle can't help but feel completely captivated.

"i really like you, jisung," chenle mutters, the words tumbling out softer than he means them to. for a moment, jisung doesn't look at him, his gaze stays fixed somewhere in the sea of lights ahead, but then, slowly, he turns. a quiet smile tugs at his lips.

"why?" jisung asks, voice steady but curious, like he genuinely doesn't understand. chenle frowns a little, eyes dropping to his hands on the rail. "because... you're not like anybody else," he says quietly. 

"you're captivating, and you always know how to make me feel better, or just... know the right things to say." the words feel clumsy as they leave him, but he means every one. "i'm always happy when i'm with you," chenle continues, voice smaller now. "and you're the only person in this world that makes me feel that way."

he hears jisung shift beside him, the quiet scrape of shoes against gravel. then, jisung turns fully toward him, his expression unreadable at first, soft, thoughtful.

"you're probably the only person who could listen to someone tell you nine different space facts in a row and still confess your feelings afterwards," jisung jokes lightly, a teasing lilt in his tone.

chenle groans, embarrassed, his face flushing. "whatever," he mutters, looking away, but jisung just chuckles under his breath, the sound warm and familiar. "i like you too, you know," jisung says after a moment, so casual it almost doesn't feel real. but to chenle, it feels impossible.

impossible, like everything jisung ever talks about. like the idea of time bending around gravity, or light slowing through air, or the vastness of space still somehow finding its way back to them here, standing next to lit up planets.

and maybe, chenle thinks, if the universe can pull off all that, if it can create stars out of dust, or send roses blooming in the ashes of old galaxies, then maybe it's not so impossible that jisung could actually like him too.

and so, in the soft, blue light of neptune spilling across their faces, chenle turns to jisung. his hand finds the back of jisungs neck, and he leans in, tiptoeing just enough until their lips meet. it's quiet, but electric, the kind of moment that seems to stretch through time. 

maybe it's a little dramatic, but chenle doesn't care, jisung doesn't care either as he kisses back.

and for just that instant, they swear they can feel supernovas exploding all around them, light and heat and wonder, and it's only theirs.