Archive of Our Own ^beta

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i’m tol okay added fuck you, beebo it’s da POPO and why do i exist to the chat.

fuck you left the chat.

i’m tol okay added fuck you to the chat.

fuck you: why

i’m tol okay: because i can motherfucker

beebo it’s da POPO: this chat is so barren.

why do i exist: it’s a boiiii

i’m tol okay: o shit waddup

fuck you: my username says everything

i’m tol okay: *pets* you’ll b fine bb gurl

beebo it’s da POPO: stay away from my man

i’m tol okay: whatever

why do i exist: kill me

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i’m tol okay: I FOUND A NEW FREM

i’m tol okay: HE’S AMAZING <33 BLESS HIM AND HIS SMOL HEART

i’m tol okay added short fedora man to the chat.

short fedora man: Why am I here

fuck you: holy shit he types with proper capitalization

why do i exist: wtf??

beebo it’s da POPO: *pokes dat fedora*

i’m tol okay: pat wow i’m triggered

short fedora man: ?? Σ(‘◉⌓◉’)

i’m tol okay: u are being racist + sexist towards the letters, only capitalizing some of them

i’m tol okay: all letters matter, lunchbox

short fedora man: （（●´∧｀●））sorry~ qwq

why do i exist: //oh god the emoticons he uses are adorable

fuck you: who are you and how are you getting into my heart already

short fedora man: I’m Patrick ;v; I think I go to your school? Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ

beebo it’s da POPO: bless his smol heart

fuck you: that wasn’t a direct answer to my second question, but i’ll let it slip

i’m tol okay: he’s so presh

why do i exist: ^^^

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short fedora man changed their name to pattycakes.

why do i exist: my heart is dying

pattycakes: Oh no ;o; o(･´д･｀o)))三(((o´･д｀･)o

fuck you: he takes everything so literally

beebo it’s da POPO: pete how did a crude fuck like you find this adorable bb

i’m tol okay: i have my ways

pattycakes: Guys, can I add my adoptive brother?

fuck you: you have an adoptive brother???

pattycakes: Meet Ty (◡‿◡✿)

pattycakes added blooryface to the chat.

blooryface: why am i here

why do i exist: huh, it looks like you might be one of us

blooryface: that would make great lyrics

beebo it’s da POPO: what u on about m8

blooryface: songwriting motherfucker

fuck you: he’s one of us

beebo it’s da POPO: one of us

why do i exist: one of us

i’m tol okay: one of us

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why do i exist added ((femboy vibes)) to the chat.

beebo it’s da POPO: frnk who’s this

why do i exist: meet gee

((femboy vibes)): kys

fuck you: i already love you

((femboy vibes)): i love your username lmao

beebo it’s da POPO: i can already feel the sass

i’m tol okay: spEAKING of SASS

i’m tol okay: PATRICK MARTIN STUMPH

i’m tol okay: YOU DID NOT TELL ME THAT YOU COULD BE SO SASSY

blooryface: imagine living with that piece of shit. you should see him at 5 in the morning

why do i exist: why do both of you wake up so early

((femboy vibes)): i thought i’d never meet someone who wakes up so early

((femboy vibes)): i thought they were all dead

pattycakes: you both shut up ty and peet

i’m tol okay changed their name to peet.

peet: SEE

((femboy vibes)): yes you are my new bestie patrick

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((femboy vibes)): ffffffffuuuUUUCKKK

fuck you: you called

((femboy vibes)): fuck off milk

fuck you changed their name to milk chayld.

milk chayld: love me

beebo it’s da POPO changed their name to never.

never: .

milk chayld: fuck you bren

never: i know you want to

pattycakes: (๑･▱･๑)

peet: *covers patrick’s ears and eyes*

peet: hear no evil, see no evil

blooryface added spoopy josh to the chat.

why do i exist: HELP GUYS GEE JUST THREW A PAIR OF SCISSORS AT ME

spoopy josh: wat

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spoopy josh: i never got to introduce myself lmao

peet: lmao no need, i think we all know you

spoopy josh: oml it’s the emoest kid in town, pepe wentz

milk chayld: excuse u

pattycakes: Josh, are you the kid you came over to play video games with Tyler and “accidentally” burned half of the sofa skin off??

blooryface: patrick we’ve been over this, you need to let that go

pattycakes: It’s not me, it’s our fucking mom, Ty! -.-

((femboy vibes)): he uses emoticons even while he’s annoyed

never: MORE THAN THAT HOLY SHIT DID HE JUST SWEAR???

peet: my smol presh bby is growing

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((femboy vibes)) added cats to this chat.

peet: wait what

cats: hi

why do i exist: gerard why did you add your brother

((femboy vibes)): because i am my brother

blooryface: help i’m confused

((femboy vibes)): c:

why do i exist: O MY GODDD GET OUT OF GEE’S ACC MIKEY

cats: lmao nI AM A FUCKTARD

((femboy vibes)): I’M BACK MOTHERFUCKERS

((femboy vibes)): FUCK YOU MIKEY

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never: RY JUST GOT KICKED OUT OF CLASS LMAO

milk chayld: YOU SHUT YOUR ASS BREADBIN

never changed their name to breadbin.

spoopy josh: i’m not surprised

peet: what did he get kicked out for this time

pattycakes: Chatting online in class //I just witnessed the greatest thing ever

peet: you were there?? and what did u see

pattycakes: Brendon just stood up on his table, kicked his chair to the ground and declared himself lord of the classroom, demanding Ryan back

pattycakes: HOLY SMOKES

spoopy josh: ????

pattycakes: THE TEACHER ACTUALLY BROUGHT RYAN BACK, THEN BRENDON JUST WALKED OVER TO HIM, LOOKED HIM IN THE EYE, AND JUST SAID

breadbin: “eat ass, suck a dick and sell drugs”

pattycakes: AND HE JUST PUSHED RYAN BACK OUT

peet: i can see them from my spot in my classroom, they’re stumbling down the hallway laughing like maniacs

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peet: i gave patrick a fedora today and he just

pattycakes: Let’s just say I got over excited

why do i exist: what did you guys fuck or something

peet: okay wOaH frnko

why do i exist changed their name to frnko.

frnko: it was a reasonable guess

pattycakes: //moving on

pattycakes: I bumped into a really tall guy today : o

breadbin: are u sure it wasn’t just gerard wearing stilettoes

((femboy vibes)): i did not wear stilettoes to school today

cats: I CALL BULLSHIT

cats: I SAW HIM PUT ON MAKEUP AND A SKIRT AND HAIR EXTENSIONS

frnko: ditto that ^^^

frnko: wait you're still in this chat mikey????

cats: you didn't see anything

breadbin: how tf did u see him putting on makeup

frnko: i slept over at his house last night

breadbin: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

frnko: fuck off

pattycakes: No, he was brunette and kinda tan but still pale

pattycakes: And he said “sorry” but he had a really British accent

breadbin: it could be that you bumped into the other living meme of the school

peet: no, he’s legendary, there’s no way. even i look up to him

breadbin: who was next to him

pattycakes: How did you know there was someone next to him???

peet: just answer the question pattycakes

pattycakes: A super pale guy, like I thought he was translucent, with really black hair

breadbin: it’s him, pete

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milk chayld: what have you guys done with pete

breadbin: he’s overreacting, read the chat from last night

milk chayld: oml

milk chayld: patrick why did you mention dan howell in pete’s presence

pattycakes: \(•ᗝ•)/

breadbin: //cough oh god so adorable

pattycakes: Why shouldn’t I??

milk chayld: pete is like;; soooo obsessed over that guy???

milk chayld: he’s actually dan’s frem but like he worships that guy i s2g

breadbin: i see ur face, patty. not in a romantic way, just like a platonic stalker way

pattycakes: Shut up cactus dick

breadbin: wow watch ur language, that was r00d

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((femboy vibes)): WELL YOU CAN FUCK ME IN THE ASS

blooryface: woah, someone’s sexually frustrated

((femboy vibes)): FUCK OFF

frnko: what’s the problem babe

((femboy vibes)): MY HEART, THEM FEELS THO

frnko: not this again

spoopy josh: yknow, the weird thing is, i’m over at ty’s, and we’re not talking with each other, we’re sitting right next to each other but just looking at the screen, laughing at gerard

((femboy vibes)) changed their name to f uck me

f uck me: my life is ruined

( //pause )

peet: BDSM IS PERFECTLY FINE, NO KINKSHAMING AROUND HERE

blooryface: JESUS WHERE DID THAT COME FROM

frnko: ignore pete. always ignore pete. never a good idea to listen to pete.

peet: YOU, OF ALL PEOPLE, FRANK IERO, SHOULD NOT BE KINKSHAMING.

spoopy josh: what's that supposed to mean

f uck me: this is the first time pete has been right

frnko: gee i thought you were my boyfriend

f uck me: i am

frnko: you're supposed to defend me

f uck me: lmao no

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breadbin: gerard your username bothers me very much

f uck me: and how so, urine?

breadbin: i will not fuck you, that is frank “i’m-not-short” iero’s job

frnko: fuck off breadbin

milk chayld: fuck me breadbin

blooryface: sOMEONE’S HORNY

f uck me: go fuck josh, ty

peet: what is this, i’m gone for two days and this happens

spoopy josh: gerard go be fucked by frank and don’t bring me into this hellfuck

breadbin: ryan am i topping today

milk chayld: you tell me breadbin

breadbin: fuck me

milk chayld: will do

peet: (you)

milk chayld: i s2g if my mom walks in

spoopy josh: ryan ur mom knows how much of a horny coconut fuck you are you washing cloth

blooryface changed their name to washing cloth.

washing cloth: this is the best insult ever

f uck me: heaven help this chat

frnko: heaven help us

peet: heaven fuck us

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peet: I GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT WITH PATRICK

washing cloth: i heard, but why tf were you laughing on your way out of the house?

peet: BECAUSE A) I KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SMOL BEAN TRICK IS AND THE FACT THAT HE CAN’T STAY MAD AT ME

peet: B) THE INSULTS HE USES O HMY GOD

washing cloth: oh dear i’ve heard some but

cats: don’t tell me he swears like crazy

washing cloth: JESUS WHERE DID YOU COME FROM

cats: i’ve always been here

peet: no he swears in everyday life but never in a fight

peet: he said the following insults in this exact order before pushing me out of his room.

peet: “you pineapple sponge lesbian grand piano mountain dew piece of tomato ball”

washing cloth: that’s patrick for you

peet: wait there’s more

peet: “freaking chicken glass needle blanket mango bass-playing idiot”

washing cloth: there’s exactly one insult in there oh my god

peet: chicken? is chicken not an insult?

washing cloth: not with patrick, no, he was probably spouting some random words that came to his mind

washing cloth: patrick just yelled through the wall to stop talking about him

peet: so um well, let’s respect his feelings and

washing cloth: i want to talk about cheese

peet: w hat

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milk chayld: o h m y g o d !!

pattycakes: what

peet: awhhh, is little tricky still grumps?

pattycakes: not so grump anymore

milk chayld: BEEBO IT’S SPORTS DAY SOON

peet: oh god no

washing cloth: i hate the 100m track race, someone else always wins

pattycakes: not me

breadbin: YES SPORTS DAY

milk chayld: @washing cloth do u mean: dan howell

washing cloth: actually, no, he probably could, but… that guy says he tastes blood every time he runs so

milk chayld: actually pete feel free to add dan and phil

peet: w hat

breadbin: SPORTS DAY IS THE DAY WHERE I GET TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF BUT THEN FEEL BETTER THEN FEEL BAD AGAIN AHAHAHAHA

breadbin: pete, you know you’re going to win all the soccer matches, and tyler’s going to be pretty happy in the basketball court, and andy hurley -- y’all know that guy??? he’s like wOOOSH

washing cloth: oh i am so going to go watch ty and miss out on all of my races and tournament games

pattycakes: hey but pete why don’t you add dan and phil??

peet: fine

peet added tol memelord and ace to this chat.

tol memelord: hi, my name is dan

ace: EVERYTHING IS ACE

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f uck me: fml fml fml fml

breadbin: with you, something’s always wrong

washing cloth: you okay gee?

f uck me: I’ M NOT O KA Y

ace: plz don’t ignore us ;;

tol memelord: PETE WHERE TF ARE YOU

peet: THIS CHAT IS A TRAINWRECK

breadbin: YOU MADE THIS CHAT

f uck me: //flips table

tol memelord: FLIP ALL THE TABLES

ace: dAN NOT AGAIN

peet: i shouldn’t have added you guys

breadbin: you shouldn’t have added any of us, pete

f uck me: since when were you so cynical, beeb

washing cloth: i poof for one minute and this shit happens

breadbin: ever since peet shit made this a chat

ace: it’s ace tho

f uck me: why do you keep saying ace

peet: OKAY I’M SORRY IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR??

peet: NOW LET ME GET BACK TO MY LIFE

tol memelord: pete took way too long to type that last sentence he was contemplating writing something else

ace: what was it

tol memelord: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

breadbin: //x files soundtrack

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milk chayld: g u ys we’re just in junior high what are we doing with our lives

pattycakes: Yes, we have one more year or high school left (discounting this one), and we’re wasting our lives away. This is what we were born to do.

milk chayld: pete stop hanging out with pat

peet: what why he’s my boyfren

milk chayld: he’s getting a cynical view on the world where did the emoticon using presh smol bean we knew go

peet: i guess he

milk chayld: NO

peet: wentz somewhere and got lost

milk chayld: pat why do you bother with this guy

pattycakes: I do not know

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ace: we have no life

frnko: EVERY SUNSHINE BEAM SPONGE CAKE IN THIS CHAT IS BECOMING SO DAMN DEPRESSING??? DAN AND PETE WYD

tol memelord: lolzor

peet: did you just say lolzor

washing cloth: he totally just said lolzor

ace: dan stop saying lolzor

peet: why isn’t dan responding

ace: he began to repeatedly say lolzor before doing a dan

washing cloth: doing a dan??

ace: he fell off his chair for no reason

washing cloth: OH LMAO

frnko: THAT’S GOLDEN

peet: why is it called “doing a dan”

ace: this is the third time he’s done it today

ace: he’s had way too much redbull

breadbin: i rel8 ^^^

frnko: where did you come from

washing cloth: does anybody know

peet: nnnnope

tol memelord: //screech

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tol memelord changed their name to phil trash #1

phil trash #1: i might as well

spoopy josh: oml

ace: dan why

spoopy josh: this is gr8, it’s canon, i ship it, MmMmM

phil trash #1: fyi i like vagina

washing cloth: lies, all lies

ace: dan no swearing

phil trash #1: vagina is not a swear, phil

phil trash #1: also i’m not gay you taco bell fucker

washing cloth changed their name to taco bell fucker.

taco bell fucker: you guys are holding hands right now

spoopy josh: #confirmed

phil trash #1: no we’re not

ace: dan stop trying to lie // also stop swearing

phil trash #1: we’re not tho amirite phil // never phil never

taco bell fucker: bitch i sit right behind you two

spoopy josh: hold on why are we the only ones online

taco bell fucker: take a look across the classroom

spoopy josh: LMAO PETE

spoopy josh: HE’S FALLEN ASLEEP RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE TEACHER OML

ace: hold on look out the window

ace: the teacher’s gone back to her desk, shaking her head

ace: and look out the window

phil trash #1: o shit

taco bell fucker: IS THAT RYAN FUCKING ROSS ON A UNICYCLE ROLLING DOWN THE HALLWAYS

phil trash #1: WATCH HIM ROLLIN WATCH HIM GO

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milk chayld: SPORTS DAY

cats: oh jeez

taco bell fucker: GODDAMN I KEEP FORGETTING THAT YOU’RE STILL THERE

spoopy josh: ty go play basketball

taco bell fucker: but mom

cats: kinky

f uck me: DON’T MIND MY BROTHER

f uck me: HE’S JUST GOING THROUGH THAT PHASE YKNOW

pattycakes: so is everyone here or is frank iero missing out again

f uck me: no i dragged him here

frnko: fuck you gee

f uck me: mhm i’d love that later

peet: oh my god

breadbin: i’m hERE AND I’M READY TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF

phil trash #1: i’m staying home with phil, you guys are going to have to live broadcast this for us

ace: yyyyep, he insisted

milk chayld: I’M GOING TO BE IN THE BLEACHERS THE ENTIRE TIME, WATCHING BEEBO TRYING TOO HARD

breadbin: SHUT UP COCONUT FUZZ

cats: gerard you’re basically glowing in the sun

f uck me: shh

frnko: rriiight. we should go cheer on tyler, gee

spoopy josh: oh god he’s so hot playing basketball

pattycakes: please refrain from having sex with tyler in the middle of the court

peet: LMAO

phil trash #1: this sounds great

milk chayld: wha tthe ffuck d o you mean 'this sounds great' dan are you saying you want to have a threesome w ty and josh

phil trash #1: WHAT NO

breadbin: i kno u want it

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taco bell fucker: OKAY OUR FIRST MATCHES ARE OVER

pattycakes: i’m sweating like hell

peet: i’d love to lick that off of ya pat

pattycakes: dude that’s gross

breadbin: patrick’s grown so much, he’s not flustered at all by that oh wait no he blushin

pattycakes: OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP

phil trash #1: idk how you guys sport

cats: because we do

f uck me: i love me some croquet

frnko: gerard playing croquet is the funniest shit ever

spoopy josh: goddamn tyler has anyone ever told you that you’re really hot when you play basketball

milk chayld: okay stop trying to get laid in the middle of sports day jishwa

spoopy josh: no

cats: OO GUYS IT’S THE INTERMISSION MINI CONCERT

breadbin: is that

milk chayld: is that pat and pete with that trohman and hurley guy on stage

ace: WHAT

phil trash #1: NOW I WISH I WAS THERE

f uck me: B)

frnko: i mean we all have bands, it’s no surprise

breadbin: okay but damn patrick has a soul voice

taco bell fucker: my ears have been blessed

breadbin: wHeRe Is YoUr BoI tOnIiIiIiIiIiIiIiGhTtT

cats: then there’s pete screaming lmao

milk chayld: sums up this whole day tbh

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f uck me: guys

spoopy josh: FUCKING SHUT UP TYLER

f uck me: i was not expecting that from josh, and i’m not tyler

spoopy josh: NO HE KEEPS WHINING ABOUT MUSCLE PAINS

pattycakes: Do you want me to get him some Tylenol or Ibuprofen??

taco bell fucker: patrick’s being a better boyfriend that you’d ever be josh

pattycakes: Tyler we’re brothers, we live in the same house, I can hear you whining. And I can’t stand you whining.

taco bell fucker: i was about to make a sexual joke but i realised we’re brothers

spoopy josh: i keep forgetting you guys are brothers

f uck me: they’re brothers??

taco bell fucker: yep, but we’re adoptive. i was adopted.

pattycakes: Thnks fr th clarification at the end

f uck me: lmao okay then

breadbin: ugggggghhhHHH

breadbin: i have a bad headache

milk chayld: beebo you just woke up after a day of sports, not getting hammered

ace: i want to wake dan up but he’s sleeping

peet: it’s 1 in the afternoon

breadbin: did u mean: it’s nine in the afternoon

peet: no

peet: what do you even mean by that

spoopy josh: he’s definitely drunk

f uck me: he’s always drunk

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phil trash #1: hey pat remember the whole tylenol thing you said yesterday on this chat

pattycakes: Yes??

phil trash #1: i was thinking

phil trash #1: why not get tyler some

phil trash #1: tylernol

frnko: fuck off

ace: dan stop

ace: send help he’s been making bad puns and laughing at them for the past hour

pattycakes: I’m so done

frnko: how did this happen

ace: patrick why

ace: the tylenol thing triggered him

taco bell fucker: i don’t feel comfortable with my name being used in a terrible pun

phil trash #1: no phun intended

phil trash #1: no phan intended

phil trash #1: no pun intended

phil trash #1: illuminati confurm

phil trash #1: fur

phil trash #1: furries

frnko: stop

pattycakes: Gbye, I had fun being in this chat

pattycakes left the chat.

phil trash #1 added pattycakes to the chat.

phil trash #1: you’re not going anywhere

pattycakes: *SCREECH*

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peet to milk chayld, breadbin, frnko, phil trash #1, ace, f uck me, taco bell fucker and spoopy josh

peet: guys help, i may or may not have hooked up with my ex last night

frnko: WHAT

milk chayld: you whore, you might be worse than beebo now jfc

breadbin: I’M NOT A WHORE

breadbin: kind of

peet: guys seriously should i let patrick know or will he murder me

taco bell fucker: he will most definitely murder you but you should let him know

taco bell fucker: i know him best, and if there’s one thing about him, it’s that he can’t hold grudges

spoopy josh: oml ye remember when we accidentally broke his bed and he wasn’t even mad

f uck me: wait how did you guys break the bed

frnko: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

taco bell fucker: NO NOT LIKE THAT

spoopy josh: WE WERE JUMPING ON THE DAMN BED BC TYLER TOLD ME IT WAS BOUNCY

milk chayld: how old are you guys ffs

taco bell fucker: 16

spoopy josh: ye we’re in junior high, duh

breadbin: wowie we’re just in junior high

breadbin: if someone walked in on this chat they’d think we’re all 30000 year old men

f uck me: more like 1 year old children

peet: GUYS WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME OUT

taco bell fucker: yes we helped you out

peet: you guys are the worst friends ever

frnko: love you too, pete

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taco bell fucker: what u do to my bro peet

peet: oh god i ruined my relationship with him help ty oh god

taco bell fucker: pete. he’s gonna be okay.

taco bell fucker: nah just kidding he’s gonna hate you forever

peet: NO WHY

taco bell fucker: unless you go apologize

taco bell fucker: and if you try anything, i’m gonna murder you

peet: aren’t you younger than him

taco bell fucker: doesn’t matter, he’s a smol bean, he doesn’t deserve to be treated this way, pete.

peet: i fuckign know i cheated on him you don’t have to rub it in

pattycakes: i’m fine

taco bell fucker: HOLYSHIT WE WRE TALKING IN HE WWRONG CHAT

pattycakes: ty can you get me some aspirin

taco bell fucker: ye sure

peet: you sound terrible, pat

pattycakes: guess why

peet: okay, i’m sorry but like

taco bell fucker: no buts // also isn’t mikey on this chat

cats: yes i am

peet: oh god no

pattycakes: we all need to talk.

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peet to cats and pattycakes

cats: so, right, sorry, pat.

pattycakes: no i’m cool

peet: really?

pattycakes: we’re just breaking up, pete

cats: OH GOD I FEEL TERRIBLE PETE NO

cats: I RUINED YOUR GUYS’S RELATIONSHIP

pattycakes: nothing against you, mikes.

peet: oh fuck

pattycakes left the chat.

cats: pete i’m so sorry

peet: nothing against you, mikes.

peet: all me. it was all me.

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pattycakes left the chat.

peet: oh fuck

phil trash #1: pete you fucked it up

ace: what happened?

peet: i messed everything with patrick up

milk chayld: we noticed, pete.

cats left the chat.

f uck me: i’m gonna go talk to my bro

taco bell fucker: i should probably check on patrick

taco bell fucker: WHAT THE FUCK HE’S NOT THERE

peet: WHAT

spoopy josh: TY WHERE THE FUCK DID YOUR BROTHER GO

taco bell fucker: I DON’T FUCKING KNOW

breadbin changed their name to stump stan #1

milk chayld changed their name to #protectthestump

peet: i

peet: do you think i can bring patrick back by yelling out cheesy pick up lines out the window

stump stan #1: you can try

-time skip 30 mins or so-

f uck me: peTE JUST YELLED OUT

f uck me: “THE SONGS ON THE RADIO ARE OKAY, BUT MY TASTE IN MUSIC IS YOUR FACE”

taco bell fucker: I GAVE HIM THAT LINE

#protectthestump: OML YES

spoopy josh: thank god we’re out of the blue period

taco bell fucker: o shit i think i hear a doorbell

f uck me: BY THE WAY, PETE IS STILL YELLING OUT PICK UP LINES

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pattycakes joined the chat.

pattycakes: fuck you pete

peet: yeah, same

pattycakes: what’s that even supposed to mean

stump stan #1: YOU’RE BACK PATRICK

pattycakes: who the fuck is stump st

pattycakes: i justh had an enlightenment, it has to be breadbin fucking urine.

stump stan #1: ahhh bingo, you got me

#protectthestump: i am watching over pete’s every movement

peet: WHAT HOW WHY I’M NOT GONN ARAPE HIM OR MOLSET HIM

spoopy josh: he just typed that so quickly

spoopy josh: also “arape” “molset”

taco bell fucker: MOLSET

taco bell fucker: hold on guys do you want to know where patrick was

stump stan #1: do tell

taco bell fucker: i don’t know he won’t tell me

taco bell fucker: i just know he came from the general direction of someone’s house

stump stan #1: ahhhhhhhh you got me again

pattycakes: something just led me to his house lmao?? it’s just so uplifting to be near this gigantic weed gnome

stump stan #1 changed their name to weed gnome.

weed gnome: you heard it from the man himself

#protectthestump: wow beebo you pretended to not know where trick was

weed gnome: he pleaded, and i’m a man of my words

spoopy josh: asshole

Chapter Text

spoopy josh: GUYSSS IT’S NEARLY TYLER’S BIRTHDAY

f uck me: never a boring moment with josh dun

taco bell fucker: josh my birthday’s december 1st

spoopy josh: you can never start too late

taco bell fucker: it’s october 8th, josh.

spoopy josh: hushhhhhh

peet: wow we never have a moment to chill

weed gnome: we all know you’re chillin right now with patrick

phil trash #1: hey pete host a sleepover, we also know that your parents are on vacation

peet: we’re not girls in middle school, dan

ace: we might as well be

taco bell fucker: right then everyone CHARGE TO PETE’S HOUSE

peet: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW THAT

weed gnome: we know a lot of shit, be there in a minute, sweetie

f uck me: we know things

peet: no dont you dare do what i’m thinking you’re gonna do, bread.

peet: fuck he did it

f uck me: what

peet: he burst into my house and just yelled “CLOSE THE GODDAMN DOOR”

ace: brendon you need to stop

peet: an despite this bread still remains patrick’s best friend

peet: why do i continue to live anymore

phil trash #1: we all carpooled and now at your doorsteps will arrive a van full of wonky juniors

peet: fuck me

f uck me: don’t steal my username bitch

peet: well then

peet: fuck all of you.

frnko: WE’RE HERE

Chapter Text

Pete was just so done with everyone at this point. There were 10 other guys in his house, 9 of them had shown up uninvited a mere 20 minutes ago. The blonde frowned, glaring at them playing Spin The Bottle. Of course, they’d gotten consent from all the partners, since everyone in this house was taken (and very gay, that goes without saying). They would be platonic kisses, obviously -- unless the bottle landed on their boyfriend. Then it would be a full-on makeout session and everyone would look away or laugh at them. Patrick was the only one not in the game (who wasn’t Pete). He was sitting a bit away from the loud group, doing something on his phone.

“Hey! Remember when in freshman year, Frank had a one-way crush on Gee and they didn’t even know each other and Frank just went up to Gee and asked him if he was ‘down to smash’ then continued with ‘mouth’ then just like sang All Star?” Ryan managed to say in between held back chuckles, giving a harsh spin to the bottle. Everyone doubled over laughing, while Frank glared at Ryan. Gee seemed like he was barely holding him back with a hand placed on his arm, shaking with laughter. Pete snickered silently before making his way over to Patrick, awkwardly sitting next to him.

“What do you want?”

“You’re not still mad at me, are ya?”

“Mmm, depends.”

“Depends on what?”

“Are you going to ever scream dumb pick up lines out of the window again?”

“Pffft, of course.”

“Then we’re actually over.”

“Awhh, come on, ‘Trick! You loved it. You love me.”

“We’re in junior year in high school.”

“You can still love in junior year.”

“Yeah, right. Kiss me.” As soon as the last two words left Patrick’s mouth, Pete nearly slammed Patrick to the ground (but knowing that there were others behind them, he just about managed to not do so).

“Look at Pete and Patrick playing their own game of Spin The Bottle!” Pete vaguely heard Tyler’s voice, and just held up a middle finger towards his general direction, refusing to break away from the kiss.

“I think you’d much rather go and stick that finger up Patrick.” Josh called out, referring to Pete’s middle finger.

“Eww! We do not need to discuss Pete and Patrick’s sex life right now, Joshua Dun.” Brendon playfully slapping Josh was visible even without Pete having to turn around to see it.

“Fuck off, ‘weed gnome’.” Patrick broke off from the kiss, grinning.

“Hey, that’s a copyrighted nickname! Credit me when you use it, please!” The short boy jokingly glared at his brother’s boyfriend.

“Patrick, can you go upstairs with Pete? I don’t think I’d feel very comfortable watching my brother getting, y’know, on the floor.” Tyler piped up, and Patrick rolled his eyes before getting up and dragging Pete towards the stairs, pulling Ty’s beanie off of his head and throwing it across the room before prancing upstairs.

“Gerard, how much time have you spent with Patrick recently?”

“A couple singing sessions after school. Why?”

“The sass is rubbing off on him and I don’t like it.”

“Deal with it!” Patrick’s voice could be faintly heard, and Tyler gave a ‘see, I told you so’ look at Gerard, who could only shrug and spin the bottle.

Chapter Text

phil trash #1: sorry phil and i had to leave early

frnko: nah it’s good, we all know you two had a good time

frnko: in more than one way

phil trash #1: fuck off i’m so straight

frnko: sure

weed gnome: STfuiU i;;m tryhn a slep;p’

phil trash #1: wat

weed gnome: its;sss liek 4 ammm

frnko: it’s 7 am bread

taco bell fucker: WHO THE FUCK WAKES UP AT 7 AM

frnko: you seem to be awake, ty

taco bell fucker: HUSH I HAVE INSOMNIA

spoopy josh: mmm bullshit, you seem to sleep well

taco bell fucker: shhhh

spoopy josh: yknow i wouldnt have woken up so early if it wasnt for you ty

spoopy josh: so putting my phone on mute wasnt worth it

taco bell fucker: josh you’re exposing all of my secrets

frnko: you have no secrets

phil trash #1: what does that even mean

peet: guys you woke me up

peet: oh god they’re all rising from the dead

taco bell fucker: i bet you 10 $$ that ross is the last to wake up

spoopy josh: 100 $$ on brendon being the last to wake up, he got so hammered last night

phil trash #1: did you mean: so pianoed

frnko: wat

peet: there’s patrick waking up now…

peet: he took one look at his phone screen, and shoved it under my pillow

peet: then he went back to sleep

taco bell fucker: wake him up

spoopy josh: (wake him up inside)

#protectthestump changed their name to FUCKING SHUT UP

spoopy josh: FRANK KEEP HIM UP TIL BRENDON WAKES UP

taco bell fucker: NO

spoopy josh: YES

frnko: i’m on josh’s team

taco bell fucker: WE’RE NOT FRENS ANYMORE

Chapter Text

ace: pete your band should play for the halloween dance

f uck me: halloween dance is october 28th lmao

f uck me: why do they insist on making it a friday

frnko: at least it means i can have my bday party closer to the 31st

frnko: sunday 30th

frnko: BECAUSE 31ST IS A MONDAY AND WE CANT DITCH BECAUSE gerard way here is a good student

peet: patrick are you okay with phil’s idea

pattycakes: sure? idk, i don’t like my

pattycakes: INTERCEPTION MY VOICE IS BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE IT AND IT’S ANGELIC AND FUCKING ORGASMIC

pattycakes: LIKE I GAVE PETE AN ORGSKJDFHKSDFM

pattycakes sent a video to the group.

peet: now we have a glorious accidental clip of this moment

frnko: OML HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

f uck me: I CAN’T SEE THE VIDEO HELP

frnko: IT’S FROM A LOWER ANGLE AND IT’S JUSTP ATRIC K RUNNING AWAY FROM THE MEMELORD HIMSELF, PEPE WENTZ

f uck me: LMAO OMFG FUCKING HELL CCANT BREATHE

ace: i’;m weeping help

pattycakes: y’all can fuck off

Chapter Text

weed gnome: my doggos are useless

FUCKING SHUT UP changed their name to doggo #1.

doggo #1: did u mean: me

phil trash #1: i never thought i’d witness the day ross admits his uselessness

doggo #1: stfu danyul

phil trash #1 changed their name to danyul.

doggo #1: w0w

weed gnome: lmao did you hear?? there’s this new kid named ho in our grade

doggo #1: NO WAY

f uck me: yes way

spoopy josh: gerard way

spoopy josh: i tried so hard not to participate

f uck me: i don’t think you did

spoopy josh: ye i’m a liar lmao

danyul: we all know

weed gnome: SAYS THE BIGGEST LIAR

danyul: i don’t lie

doggo #1: phan is real

danyul: lmao no we’re not dating

spoopy josh: fucking liar

danyul: nnnnnnno

spoopy josh: i want to slap you

weed gnome: go ahead i’ll hold him down

danyul: SCREJFHKJSDKJF

Chapter Text

weed gnome: WHO NEEDS WEED

taco bell fucker: not this again

pattycakes: you don’t know the half of it, bro

frnko: did patrick just say bro

f uck me: oh my gosh he so did

peet: HOLD ON LMAO GERARD SOUND S LIKE SO GIRLY AND WHITE

peet: LIKE IN SOME KIND OF TV SITCOM I;M ??/

frnko: gerard you broke pete again

f uck me: what do you mean again this is the first time i’ve broken him

f uck me: oh wait never mind, i’ve broken pete too many times to count

taco bell fucker: why did you have to break the pete

weed gnome: weed?

taco bell fucker: we don’t need weed right now, bread

pattycakes: where do you even get that mountain of weed

weed gnome: hehehe

peet: hHHhhhhhHHH

frnko: GERARD, LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO THE PETE.

f uck me: HUSH he’s just going through those aftershock breakdowns.

pattycakes: what are you two even talking about??

frnko: one time gerard told this really, really god awful pun during lunch and pete just went blank and started spewing nonsense

frnko: kinda like dan with the whole “tylernol” thing

f uck me: BABE DON’T MENTION BAD PUNS YOU’RE GONNA BREAK THE PETE AGAIN

taco bell fucker: what is this chat

pattycakes: one broken kid, one 420 blaze it kid and

pattycakes: what are we anymore

taco bell fucker: i don’t need an existential crisis

danyul: did someone say existential crisis

pattycakes: nNNNOPE GO AWAY DAN

Chapter Text

doggo #1: so, what do you guys want to do today?

spoopy josh: um, school?

peet: HHAHAAHahAHAHAHAHA

peet: jishwa. we’re skipping school today.

spoopy josh: PETE IT’S OCTOBER 21ST, FRIDAY, 2016?? WE HAVE TESTS??

doggo #1: hushhhh, that’s exactly why we’re skipping.

spoopy josh: NO I AM NOT SKIPPING

spoopy josh: memes

pattycakes: what the fuck was that change

doggo #1: just a little weed

pattycakes: ryan… not again

peet: did someone say memes

spoopy josh: mEMES AHAHAHAHAHA

peet: LMAO HAHAHAAHAH

pattycakes: fucking idiots

Chapter Text

weed gnome: i’m moving cabinets

frnko: noice

weed gnome: i just dropped a cabinet because of a spider

doggo #1: I SWEAR IF YOU KILL THAT SPIDER

danyul: COUPLE FIGHT

danyul: jk lmao

frnko: XD

danyul: “XD” triggers me

doggo #1: XD

doggo #1: XD

doggo #1: XD

doggo #1: XD

doggo #1: XD

danyul: trIGGERED

taco bell fucker: numbers trigger me

weed gnome: 32847913714

taco bell fucker: i will shove a hot rod up your ass

weed gnome: plz not me go do that to jishwa

spoopy josh: don’t put that on me breadbin

taco bell fucker: it won’t hurt if you don’t move

spoopy josh: whAT THE FUCK

Chapter Text

peet: so who’s down to go and kinkshame everyone in the mall

f uck me: nobody

danyul: i’m down

f uck me: we can’t be friends anymore

danyul: fine

//pause//

danyul: TAKE ME BACK

f uck me: it’s over, dan

peet: what the fuck

peet: dan what even is your sexuality

f uck me: me

peet: oml

danyul: //rolls out casually

Chapter Text

weed gnome: g uys you all are online go the fuck to sleep it’s 4 am you need to all grow

danyul: .

weed gnome: okay not you

ace: .

weed gnome: NOT YOU EITHER BUT LIKE PETE AND FRANK AND LIKE PAT

peet: i’m a little guy

pattycakes: I'll be lucky to grow another inch or two RIP

pattycakes: and I mean very lucky

frnko: stfu i’m not that short

peet: frank you’re the same height as me

frnko: pffft nonsense

pattycakes: yessense

weed gnome: wordplay. ha hahahahahahahhHAHAHAH

f uck me: go the fuck to sleep

peet: yes mother

weed gnome: yes mother

pattycakes: yes mother

frnko: yes mother

f uck me: good children. you can sleep inside tonight.

peet: thank you mother

weed gnome: thank you mother

pattycakes: thank you mother

frnko: thank you momther

f uck me: just for that, you’re sleeping outside again frank.

frnko: fffFFF

Chapter Text

spoopy josh: TRUTH OR DARE. N O W.

peet: okay alright w0wie jeesus okay let’s get this started

spoopy josh: shut th e f UC k UP

peet: how high are you joshua dun

spoopy josh: S O HIG H LMAO

doggo #1: ha lp i’m so into that ‘70s show

peet: fuck you we’re doing tod don’t talk about old sitcoms

spoopy josh: what we’re playing truth or dare we’re not doing some guy named tod lmao

doggo #1: you fucking idiot

peet: okay truth or dare josh

spoopy josh: truth

peet: fmk outta this chat

spoopy josh: why do i have to kill someone

peet: it’s just a frank bro

doggo #1: just a frank

frnko: don’t bring me into this it’s 5am bitch

Chapter Text

frnko: HEY GUYSS DANYUL’S LIVESTREAMING LET’S VIDEOBOMB HIM

pattycakes: he livestreams?

weed gnome: YE HE’S A YOUTUBER LMAO,, STARTED LIKE, TWO YEARS AGO

pattycakes: oh, he’s one of those people

frnko: STOP BEING R00D

taco bell fucker: okay, alright. we just crash into his l

---

“GODDAMMIT FRANK ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN?” Brendon groans as the loud shout explodes in his ears.
“Shh… shhhhh.” He waves his hand at Tyler, who looks somewhat pissed off. He can’t really tell due to the wavering edges and hazy vision. Tyler throws his beanie at Brendon, who sloppily catches it, shooting what seems like a smirk to the mad boy. Rolling his eyes, he stomps out of the room, and Brendon follows lazily, almost crashing into the doorway. When he finally finds balance against the doorway, he sees a flash of ginger-brown hair and he’s just knocked over.
“Ah, fuck.” He hears Patrick mutter under his breath before he bends down. “Sorry, Bread. Just lay there for a sec, try not to get stomped on. I have shit to do.” He says before he runs off.
“JESUS CHRIST FRANK HOW HIGH ARE YOU??”
“PPPPPPREEETTY DRUNKKK.” Brendon heard, and he laughed, knowing how drunk Frank must be. They’d been playing a drinking game with vodka, because fuck life. They’d been watching a video about this guy who wouldn’t stop screaming, and they’d taken a shot of vodka for every two seconds that the guy screamed.
“I ASKED HOW H- never mind. Meet Frank Dickbag Iero.” Dan’s voice came from the living room, sounding obviously exasperated. “Oh, hey, Patrick and Tyler’s here too. Here. Just-” Brendon could almost see Patrick and Tyler dragging Frank away. He laughed again, rolling over in the doorway. It was a good day today. Very good.

Chapter Text

f uck me: i jokingly posted a joke photoshoot bread and i had yesterday at our gayover and this creepy pedophile is now after me help

frnko: let me beat him up

f uck me: frank you’re 5”6 and 16 years old

frnko: fuck off this is a man’s job

peet: triggered

peet: that’s sexism and racism and communism

peet: we can’t have a communist in this country

f uck me: triggered

frnko: okay stop getting triggered jfc

f uck me: you trigger me, frank

peet: OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH THAT WAS SICK

spoopy josh: SO SICK

f uck me: you guys are no help at all

frnko: you're welcome

Chapter Text

cats: so

taco bell fucker: JESUS CHRIST YOU’RE STILL HERE

cats: i’m not jessu christ but tyvm

taco bell fucker: jessu christ

cats: stfu

taco bell fucker changed their name to jessu christ.

jessu christ: hihihi. i’m jessu christ

cats: oh my god i’m so done with you

spoopy josh changed their name to josh done.

josh done: you’re not so done with you, that’s our neighbour

cats: SO DONE WITH BOTH OF YOU

cats: NOW LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE WITH YOUR SMART MOUTHS

jessu christ: LMAO

Chapter Text

weed gnome: NEVER HAVE I EVER NOW

frnko: okay okay jeez

peet: rip everyone’s hearings

weed gnome: PATRICK I KNOW U THERE START

pattycakes: shit

pattycakes: uhm

pattycakes: never have i ever

pattycakes: …

pattycakes: had sex

frnko: NOBODY’S MAKING FUN WE ALL EXPECTED IT YOU SMOL BEAN, ALSO 9 RIP ME

peet: i’m the town fuckboi, 9

weed gnome: 9

f uck me: 9

doggo #1: 9

frnko: where tf is the jizz and the trex

weed gnome: LMAO JIZZ AND TREX

pattycakes: gerd go

f uck me: i’m going to sleep bye

frnko: no babe

doggo #1: you’re not going anywhere

pattycakes: sleep tight, don’t let the bed bite the bugs

peet: wtf patrick i don’t think that’s right

weed gnome: hush

frnko: *clings to gerd gay*

f uck me: fuck off short man

frnko: r00d, 0ffended

doggo #1: when are you not offended

weed gnome: where did the game of never have i ever go

peet: where did it

pattycakes: no

peet: wentz

pattycakes left the chat.

Chapter Text

danyul: lmao phil and i’ve been so dead on this chat i s2g

ace: ikr

spoopy josh: ayyyy weba from your 1000 year long hiatus from your friends

taco bell fucker: fuukk my coomputer be lagiin

ace: coomputer

danyul: lagiin

taco bell fucker: shhhhut up fucking cat biscuit

spoopy josh: cat biscuit

taco bell fucker: YOU FLOOWER PENNS

danyul: *penis

ace: dan no

danyul: dan yes

spoopy josh: floower

taco bell fucker: i give up