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Chapter Text

Regulus' senses were overwhelmed. Camera flashes were blinding him, and far too many middle aged men were screaming at him to pose for them, to turn this way and that.

Regulus prided himself on being able to keep an air of confidence, dignity and pride in front of the paparazzi, and on the red carpet. No matter how much anxiety or tension is pulsing through his veins, his carpet photos always turned out breathtakingly beautiful, his face always neutral. Tonight was no different.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't nervous. Sure, performing in front of the biggest names in Hollywood and beyond was somewhat of a big feat for the average twenty-two-year-old, and the idea that he'd be doing just that in a short amount of time was enough to make the blood rush to Regulus' head. But, deep down, between himself and Pandora, that wasn't the real reason he was sick to his stomach. No, because here, in the audience tonight, were two people that Regulus cared far too much about the opinions of.

He'd seen Sirius Black and James Potter only a handful of times in the past five years, brushing past them at after parties or watching from afar at award shows, but he'd never, knowingly, performed any of his music to them. Hell, he didn't even know if they'd listened to his stuff, let alone looked too deep into the lyrics. He hoped they hadn't, in all honesty, but something told him he'd be out of luck in that department. Regulus had pretty much avoided listening to both his brothers and his ex-boyfriend's music as much as he was able to, but he knew the older boys, he knew they lacked even the slightest sliver of restraint. They would stream his album the minute it releases, side by side, probably.

Regulus Black had been attempting to grow his name in the industry since he was eighteen, but his first chart-topping single was only released six months ago, finally giving him  his breakthrough. On the other end of the spectrum, James and Sirius had been viral sensations since ages eighteen and nineteen, somehow managing to earn their place in the world at almost the exact same time as each other. Even as solo artists they had to do everything together.

He supposed he only had them to thank for his success. Most of his songs, especially those on his upcoming album to be released, were about the older boys, after all. About the summer he had spent at the Potters after his sixth year at Hogwarts Music and Theatre Academy, about how he felt when he had to return to his house,  after James and Sirius flocked off to LA, about how neither of them ever came back for him.

And now, here Regulus was, somehow opening the Grammy's with a performance of his hit single, "Back to friends.". He was planning on announcing his second album, Exit Wounds, on stage, too. Regulus been asked who his songs were about on countless occasions, and a direct answer was never given, with the exception of the one time Pandora asked him. He'd never imagined having to perform it directly to his muse.

He was ushered off the carpet almost as fast as he was directed on, and he greeted and waved to a few people he recognised, before following the staff member directing him back stage, where he was to start preparing for his performance. He'd been placed in what was probably the plushest dressing room in Hollywood, with his own team of makeup artists and costume designers ready to help him look the part. Regulus didn't see why he couldn't wear his red carpet outfit while performing, to be honest, but apparently that was a bit of a faux pas.

He was guided this way and that, and after a while Regulus gave up trying to work with the team, he just let them direct him around. Pandora burst in to the room halfway through he was going through his vocal warmups, appearing rather flustered, her camera swinging around her neck.

"Sorry I'm late, they didn't bloody let me in. Didn't believe I was part of the team! I'm only one of the most important people here." She huffed, then sat down on one of the abandoned chairs in the corner. Regulus grinned at her, bending down to kiss her cheek in greeting.

"All good. How do I look?" He gave her a little twirl, showing off his plush forest green suit jacket and flared trousers, with a paler green sheer shirt underneath, which created accentuated shadows on his chest. Pandora looked him up and down, before wolf whistling and nodding in approval.

"Looking scrumptious, Black." She whipped her camera up to her face and snapped a photo of him before Regulus was even aware of what was happening. 

She put the camera down as if nothing happened, and Regulus fought to not roll his eyes. "So, are you nervous?" Pandora just grinned at him as he groaned and sat down in the chair beside her.

"When am I not?"

"Yeah, but like, this is big." He fixed her with a glare.

"I'm well aware, thank you."

"And those-who-must-not-be-names are in the audience." She continued.

"Also well aware of that too. I'm trying to pretend they're not."

Pandora hummed, "Why am I not surprised?" Regulus gave her a picture of mock hurt, hand on his chest and eyes widened in defence.

"What are you trying to say?" Pandora wasn't falling for his light hearted tone, and she raised a singular eyebrow at him expectantly.

"That you're emotionally stunted and you refuse to accept your own feelings and the reality of a situation." Regulus was stunned into silence at this, deciding to ignore her and move on with the conversation instead of entertaining her.

"...Anyway..."

Not long later, a team member was knocking on his door to tell him he had five minutes till curtain, so he hugged goodbye to Pandora, who rushed off to get her perfect spot for photos, before following the staff member to backstage.

Regulus' stage set up was pretty simple, just a few backup singers, fancy lighting and some pretty weirdly-shaped set design behind him. Once he had been ushered onto the small red circle on the stage that indicated where he should be positioned, he began to feel the nerves hit in once again. Releasing a shaky breath, he cracked his neck and shook out his hands, hopping slightly from foot to foot as he tried not to picture his brother's and his exes faces before him, as they would be in just a moments time. Regulus was truly praying the lights would be too low for him to make out anyone's faces, because he knew himself. He knew, no matter how much he wanted to avoid them, his eyes would end up searching for them anyway.

Alas, he had no more time to ponder the thought. The lights backstage were dimmed, crew were running off stage, and somebody off to the side was counting down from five on her fingers. Regulus took a final deep breath, looked down at his feet, and bought his gaze back up with the curtain, as it revealed the audience of the highest profile names in the industry. And yet, with all these people's eyes on him, he couldn't find it in him to care once the music started.

The introduction to back to friends was slightly longer than Regulus' other songs, but remained short overall. He couldn't bring himself to look up before he started singing, so spent the first few seconds staring at his feet as he nodded along to the music.

Then, finally, after all the rehearsals and imagining how this would go, the lyrics started, and Regulus was swept away by the song.

"Touch my body tender, cause the feeling makes me weak."

Back to friends was a hit immediately, after the song went viral on TikTok and other social media platforms. Of course, Regulus was grateful for the opportunities and success the song had bought him, but he couldn't help but see it as a bitter reminder of the past, of what could have been. If only.

Not many people knew that Regulus wrote this song nearly five years ago, during his seventh year at Hogwarts. The worst year of his life.

"How can we go back to being friends, when we just shared a bed?
How can you look at me and pretend, I'm someone you've never met?"

Back then, he was bitter. He was angry. The only person he had ever trusted with his whole world, the person he let into his life and let his walls down for, had just... given up. After Regulus had spent the whole summer with his brother in the Potter household, after everything he had been through with James, the pair of older boys had just gone. On the last day of Summer before Regulus was to go back to school for his final year, James Potter broke his heart. For no proper reason. And Regulus? Never had a chance to fight it. Never had a chance to force James into giving him a proper reason, because "I'm just not feeling it, Reg" was never, never an acceptable answer for why, on God's green earth, after everything they'd been through, James was breaking up with him.

And two days later, they'd left for LA. And Regulus hasn't spoken to either of them in person since. Of course, they tried, Sirius kept in contact with him for a while after he left, but Regulus had never felt angrier as he returned to his family home to endure the torture of arranged marriage plans and the physical and verbal insanity he received from his mother and father. Sirius had left him in that home, and he wasn't planning on coming back for him. Regulus was an angsty teenager for gods sake, so, of course, he cut his brother off for good.

James, the stupid bugger, kept trying repeatedly to stay friends with Regulus. He received countless apology texts as ridiculous times of the day, asking if they could still be "friends". Regulus thought this was utter bullshit. He had thought James was it for him, and he knew James felt the same. They were it for each other, and yet. The universe had other  plans, he supposed.

And so, during his seventh year, when he was enduring abuse from his parents, no contact with his brother, and a long-term broken heart, he wrote this song. However, he only released it last year.

"How can we go back to being friends, when we just shared a bed?
How can you look at me and pretend, I'm someone you've never met?"

Regulus was progressing through the song well. He'd kept his eyes clamped shut for most of the first couple choruses, because he knows if they're open, they'll find James'. It's happened countless times at after parties and award shows- after all these years, his eyes seem to only search for James.

"The Devil in your eyes won't deny the lies you've sold,
I'm holding on too tight, while you let go, this is casual,"

Regulus had made it through the majority of the song, he only had to repeat the chorus a few more times and then it would be over. Then he could open his eyes, which apparently had a magnetic force trying to yank them open. The music drew close to the start of the chorus, and suddenly, without control, Regulus was opening his eyes.

How did he always know where to look? He thinks it's the universe playing tricks on him, every minute of every day, because, how, with all these people here, did his eyes draw immediately to Sirius and James' table, without even knowing where they were sat. It was embarrassing, truly, and now he was fucked.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shit. He was quite literally making prolonged eye contact with James Potter for the first time in- well, a long time. Fucking hell. He was fucking serenading James Potter. He was serenading his fucking ex, with a song he wrote about him. Fucking hell. Why cant he pull his eyes away? Stop looking at him, for God's sake, pull yourself together.

"How can we go back to being friends, when we just shared a bed?
How can you look at me and pretend, I'm someone you've never met?"

He was almost singing in anger, towards James. As if all his resentment had been seething inside of him ever since he had written the song, and now he had the chance to convey his feelings for the first time, his rage was boiling, bubbling over. Regulus is surprised he managed to keep the tune, to be honest.

"How can we go back to being friends, when we just shared a bed?
How can you look at me and pretend, I'm someone you've never met?"

James' expression was blank, and Regulus hated himself for the fact that he couldn't read into it. And even with all his anger, James Potter still seemed to be the most beautiful person in the room. His lips were slightly parted in surprise, but other than that, he wasn't radiating a single emotion.

He repeated the chorus for the final time, and only as the song wrapped up and the outro played, Regulus felt he could tear his eyes away from the painful eye contact he was enduring. He couldn't help but flicker his gaze over to the left, where his brother was sat, mouth pressed into a neat line, eyebrows knitted together to produce an entirely empty facial expression. Regulus cringed internally, hoping he hadn't been too obvious.

The music reached a stop, and Regulus grinned at the audience, giving them a slight wave, before stepping back up to the microphone to announce:

"My first ever album, Exit Wounds, is yours March 25th, pre-save now! And LA, I'll see you Thursday! Thank you and have a great night, everybody!" The room erupted into cheers and applause, and Regulus couldn't help but display a blinding grin as he waved up to the audience of fans at the top of the theatre. He was playing his five night LA residency to finish off his tour to these fans from Thursday, through the weekend and to the next week.

As he made his way off the stage, he ran his hand through his hair and breathed out a sigh somewhat a mixture of relief, annoyance and frustration at himself and external influences. He couldn't help but fall into Pandora's hands as she waited for him backstage, breathing her scent in deeply to ground him.

"Pandora, I really fucking hate being emotionally stunted."

Chapter Text

Thursday

Regulus and Pandora were mid conversation backstage before the biggest show of his career, when Pandora's face paled and lips parted slightly, as she stared at her phone in disbelief. Regulus stopped whatever he was saying to furrow his eyebrows at her in confusion. 

"What?" Regulus asked sharply, "What is it, Pandora?" The blonde was incessantly typing and scrolling on her phone, clearly trying to find something out. It was only making Regulus more nervous. He was already jittery with usual pre-show nerves, and whatever this strange behaviour was, it wasn't helping. At that very moment, there were over ten thousand people waiting for him, and he wasn't all sure that he wasn't dreaming.

"So...did you know your brother is playing in LA tomorrow?" Her eyes were still wide as she looked up at him. Regulus froze- what did his brother have to do with anything?

"Funnily enough, no I didn't Pandora, seeing as I have been trying to ignore his existence for six years." She cringed.

"Right, right. Well- it's just...he's kind of- here? In the audience?" And that? Was enough to make Regulus feel sick to his stomach.

He stood up abruptly and ran to the bathroom, gripping the clean, white, marble sink so tightly his hands turned white, breathing becoming shallower as his whole world came crashing down around him. Why the fuck was Sirius here? He didn't want him here, he didn't want to see him or speak to him ever again. What gave him the right? Was he trying to put him off his show? Or did he just want the media publicity? Regulus didn't know, nor care, he just wanted him out.

Pandora came running into the bathroom behind him, taking his hands away from the sink and encouraging him to look her in the eyes and breathe deep breaths. 

"Reg," She spoke once she had returned his breathing to somewhat normal- but this hadn't done anything to tame the pit in his stomach, "It's okay. You don't have to talk to him, you don't have to acknowledge him at all if you don't want to. We can pretend he's just another fan." 

"He's never been just another anything, Dora. How am I supposed to just be normal, knowing he's sat there, judging me. Why has he even chosen now to show up, oh my God, he's never paid any attention to any of my music for the last five years!" He was starting to spiral, and he didn't have long left before he was due on stage.

"Maybe he's finally got a grip and wants to be involved? I don't think he's judging you Reg, I think he just wants to be part of your life again?" 

"But is that what I want?" Pandora pressed her lips together at that, hesitating for a second before she grabbed his hands once again, forcing him to keep eye contact with her.

"Listen to me. No one is going to force you to talk to him if you don't want to. I will literally fight him off with my bare hands if you want me to, you know that I would." He smiled a little at that, and didn't doubt her for a second, "Now, you're not going to think about him for the next two hours, you're going to go out on that stage and absolutely kill it, okay? Evan, Barty, Dorcas and I will be cheering you on like hell, okay? The others are already in the box, by the way." Regulus had never been happier to have his friends than in this moment.

Regulus nodded, smiling at her fully now. "Sir, yes, sir!" He gave a mock salute, she grinned.

He shook himself off a little, jumping from foot to foot, trying to shake the nerves and thoughts about whoever was in the audience. Just before he followed his stage manager out the door, a thought occurred to him that he hadn't acknowledged before. He turned to Pandora.

"Hey, Dora, did you see if Sirius was with anyone?" She nodded, and the pit in his stomach was back immediately as he swallowed.

"Remus Lupin, that's his model boyfriend, isn't it? And James Potter, of course." She grimaced, and he just nodded and kissed her on the cheek goodbye, before they went their separate ways for the show.

He had no time to be thinking of Sirius Black and James Potter now, as he stood in the wings of the LA venue, listening to the cheers of over ten thousand people (like- what?), all here for him. He gave one last little jump, stretched his neck from side to side then waited for the introduction to start that gave him the heads up to make his way on stage. It was only then, really, that it hit him.

Fuck. Most of his songs are about them. Hell, all of them. Even the opening song is about Sirius.

Alas, he didn't have time to dwell on that thought as the opening sequence for his tour started playing and he immediately snapped into singer-Regulus. The cheers were deafening at this point, and he couldn't help but start smiling. He really did love his job.

As soon as the lyrics started, he strutted out on stage, grin on his face as he waved hello to the audience, winking at those front and centre, who started squealing as he did so.

"They say I'm the spit of you, and they're not wrong." He reached centre stage, where he put the microphone down on the stand for the first part of the song. 

"Bury my head too, stomach hurts all the time,
Can't shift it, been like that since eight."

His song, Spit Of You, referred to his strained relationship with Sirius, and how they'd always had communication issues, ever since they were young, at least. Regulus knows there was a time when he could tell Sirius anything and everything, and yet, somewhere along the way that all changed.

As he reached the chorus, he picked up the microphone, starting to walk around the stage to get closer to the fans.

"I can talk to anyone, I can talk to anyone, I can't talk to you." 

Regulus had always loved this lyric, and how it expressed his feelings about his brother now. All he's ever wanted for the past five years is to be able to be brothers again with Sirius, to be able to talk to him about his life, his friends, his issues. And no matter how many people he meets, how many friends he makes, all he'll ever want is his big brother back. He's not sure if that'll ever change.

Regulus walked over to one side of the stage, reaching out his hands to the fans, who clung on as if it were a lifeline. He gave them a smug grin, before doing the same on the other side of the stage, then returning to the centre, closing his eyes to sing the next few lines.

"Cause it was love, in all its agony. Every bit of me, hurting for you." 

He had the urge to search for his brother in the audience, but he knew if he did that this early on in the show he would never make it through, so he kept his eyes clamped shut.

"And I can talk to anyone, I can talk to anyone,
I can't talk to you.

I can talk to anyone, I can talk to anyone,

I can't talk to you." 

The last few lines were repeated until the end of the song, when he finally opened his eyes to blow the audience a kiss. 

"LA! How are we feeling tonight?!" He shouted into the microphone, before twisting it to face the crowd, who gave a deafening screech. He laughed breathily, slightly in shock at the fact that he could draw in such numbers.

"Thank you very much for having me, I'm hoping to put on a special show for you tonight! Bring the noise, LA, this one's called Fool!" Regulus felt like he couldn't wipe the smile off his face if he tried.

"Once I was happy, you found it intriguing,
Then you got to me and left me waiting." 

The tempo of the show slows down with his second song, which just so happened to be another about both Sirius and James.

However, Fool was more of a spiteful song from Regulus, expressing how he had felt for the entirety of his final year at Hogwarts, as he had waited for Sirius and James to return for him, to save him. "You make me feel like a fool waiting for you." 

"I thought we could talk on darker days,
With our boots kicked off." 

He sung, referring to all the times Regulus imagined himself reuniting with his brother, that never came.

"You make me feel like a fool waiting for you.
You make me feel like a fool waiting for you." 

The lyrics repeated. It was only the second song of the night, and Regulus already had to swallow a lump in his throat when he remembered that both James and Sirius were listening to this right now. The thought made him feel naked, raw and vulnerable. He'd always hidden his feelings in his music, and now it was as if he was shouting at them directly for them to hear. 

And the night continued like that, as he sang both Undressed, then Girl Crush, both songs about James bloody Potter. But it didn't stop there, as Him was next on the setlist- and Regulus doesn't think it's possible for a song to be more blatantly obvious about someone than Him is about James. 

This never stopped Regulus from singing it however, as Him had always been one of his favourite songs he had written, ever since he'd scribbled the lyrics down in his songbook when he was seventeen. It was passionate, full of his raw emotion and vulnerability as he lays out his feelings for the world to see. As he sat himself down at the piano, there was a loud roar of the crowd before it quietened down again, phone torches lighting up their faces. Him had always been a fan favourite, especially for those who had been with him since the beginning of his career, and he could recognise a few teary-eyes at the front of the venue.

"So you were right, there's always two. The one who stays and the one who's leaving you." Regulus was determined to keep his eyes shut throughout the song, as he was unsure if he would make it through without crying otherwise.

"'Cause I don't want to hear about him,
How he is holding you better at night,
And I don't want to hear about him, in these songs you continue to write." 

He'd never liked seeing tabloid stories about James, paparazzi photos of him with random men and women, or speculations about who his songs are about. Not that he'd ever made much of an effort to avoid reading them, in fact, quite the opposite.

"I was with you when you wrote that line,
It was me that you had on your mind,
So I don't want to hear about him." 

He thinks back to a time, the calm before the storm, those days he would spend in Hogwarts' recording studio with James, and sometimes Sirius too. How he would sit back and watch his boyfriend sing the lines he knew were about the time they spent together, and how James would turn to him, grin and wink, and Regulus would just roll his eyes, fondly.

Oh, how long ago those times felt now.

"Do you know what it's like to fall in love from the outside?
And I don't know, but I've been trying for you, for me. 
Now I know what it's like to fall in love from the outside." 

The music flowed through him as Regulus' fingers glided across the keys, eyes still closed, pulse a steady rhythm in his ears.

He took a deep breath before singing the last chorus of the song with every inch of energy he could bring. 

"Cause I don't want to hear about him,
How he is holding you better at night.
I don't want to hear about him,
And these songs you continue to write.
I was with you when you wrote that line,
It was me that you had on your mind,
So I don't want to hear about him." 

"Is he holding you better at night? Is it me running into your mind? I still think about you all the time." The audience erupted as the song closed and he stood from the piano, heart still fluttering in his chest from the emotion in the song.

"Thank you, LA! You've been a great audience, so far. This next one's called 'Back to Friends', if you know it please sing along!" 

The next thirty minutes of his concert passed in a blur, so much so that he had begun to forget that those-who-must-not-be-named were in the audience, until he reached the talking section of the night, connecting with the crowd a little, something he loved doing at every show.

"Okay, LA! Signs up, you're going to have to deal with me talking for a little while instead of hearing my music, annoying, I know." Regulus smiled at some of the fans closest to him, who were laughing and some holding up signs or gifts they had bought. 

He laughed to himself as he read aloud a sign saying, 'I named my axolotl after you", starting up a conversation with the fan about her obscure pets, and another that read 'I cried over Fool in 2020, and I'm still crying today". 

These fans were always his favourite to interact with. He crouched down close to the barricade and spoke, "Alright, you've been here a while! Is Fool your favourite song?" Regulus held the microphone out towards the girl who couldn't have been much older than himself, and looked as if she was about to burst into tears.

"No- Perfume is. You never play it anymore!" Regulus raised her eyebrows at her, impressed. He didn't think many people even knew that song, and she was right, he hadn't played it in years. It was one he had written at Hogwarts, when he was in a pretty dark place near the end of his time there, after feeling abandoned and isolated for the past nine months. He did love Perfume, and probably didn't perform it enough, but he never liked the vibes it came with. However, just for that night, he decided, fuck it.

"You know what? You're so right. Let's play Perfume right now, only for you LA!" The fan immediately covered her mouth with her hand and started crying, and Regulus could only grin apologetically towards her.

"This is going to be a little rough, I'm going to pull up the lyrics on my phone actually, I don't remember them," Everybody laughed, "And the band don't know the song so looks like we're going acapella. You guys wanna help me sing?" Cheers and whoops rung out. He had no idea how many people actually knew the words, but he decided to jump and find out. It wasn't until he was reading over the lyrics that he realised just how much of a vulnerable song it was, completely directed at his ex-boyfriend, who was stood somewhere in this very room.

"I still keep our photos in a folder in case you come back to me.
Someone turned the corner with your perfume and I fell to my knees." 

He knew James would know immediately that this song was about him. In the summer before they'd left, at one of many famous parties the Potter household held, Regulus had told James he liked his new cologne, and James had worn it everyday after that, a relentless tease reminding Regulus how much he loved him.

The fan at the front was singing her heart out as he moved onto the chorus, and Regulus couldn't help but huff out a little laugh of disbelief that he even had fans this big. 

"Oh I know no amount of planes and trains could bring us back again,
And I know no amount of drugs and unfulfilling love could make things feel the same.
Oh I know no amount of dates in different states could be enough to get away."

He was pleasantly surprised at the amount of people who joined in with him, which definitely benefitted the performance with the no-instrument aspect.

"I still keep your sweater in my dresser in case I'm craving your scent,
I still keep your toothbrush in my bathroom in case you come back again." 

"Maybe we can find the time, a couple years down the line. You'll be going mainstream."  He didn't need to look at the phone for the lyrics anymore as it all came rushing back to him, including the memories of the time it was written. Rather unfortunately, Regulus began to wish he had kept his eyes trained on the phone as he looked around the room for the final chorus, and almost automatically locking eyes with the one person he really, really, did not want to see right now. James Potter's brown eyes were wide with emotion, and his lips were slightly parted. His skin was glowing under the low lights, and his messy curls were falling over his forehead, making him look nothing other than ethereal. 

It was a fight for Regulus' breath to not catch in his throat, as he sang directly towards James, not unlike how he had done so just days before at the Grammy's. Something, however, had shifted. He couldn't put a finger on it exactly, but it was as if he wasn't afraid, anymore. To sing these songs, to speak them aloud to someone he had spent years hiding from. Why should he not tell him how he felt? James had fucked him over years ago, and he needed to get over it.

So, he maintained eye contact throughout the last chorus. James' piercing eyes were searching for something, anything in his own expression, but Regulus fought to keep it steady and emotionless- blank, not vulnerable.

"I know no amount of planes and trains could bring us back again.
And I know no amount of drugs and unfulfilling love could make things feel the same.
Oh I know no amount of dates in different states could be enough to get away." 

Maybe it was a little stupid of him, seeing as the song was pretty much just expressing how much he wished James was still by his side, but he was done with the cowardice of hiding behind the music.

Regulus had to tear his eyes away before James could, looking back towards the fan at the front.

"Was that up to your standards?" He asked, leaning down to tilt the microphone towards her again.

"Definitely!" She sounded a little teary still, so Regulus couldn't help but laugh, but he was happy that he had made her night. And, perhaps, it was nice to sing his old songs once in a while.

Surprisingly, the rest of the concert went well, as Regulus managed to avoid making any more awkward eye contact. He worked his way through the setlist, throwing in a couple of songs from his new album to tease the fans with while they waited for the release. 

"LA, Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience tonight, thank you for making my biggest show yet the best one! I've got one more song for you, this is 'Miss You', from my new album, Exit Wounds, out March 25!" 

The synth-pop tune played out over the speaker, creating a different atmosphere to those created by his earlier songs. 

Now you know I'm a wicked man,
I bit the hand that was feeding me.
It's snapping back like a rubber band,
the fear of love is my tendency."  

The fans were already screaming their reactions to the new song.

"But I feel it, believe it,
you never meant to break my heart.
But you lost it like a promise,
and I left you dancing in the dark." 

Even after all these years, he was never able to hold a grudge, not really. Regulus had always appeared to do so, acting cold and bitter towards many people, but James and Sirius? He had conflicting opinions. Anger and stubbornness, and yet, a strong want to just return things to the way they were. 

"I don't know why I'll be gone because you love me,
I don't know why. Is it wrong to now decide I miss you?
I miss you." He moved around the stage as he sung the next few verses, waving to the fans closest and blowing kisses to those further away.

"From my search for the promised land I came back only wanting you."

"Thank you again LA!" He shouted between the verse and the last chorus, blowing more kisses.

"I don't know why I'll be gone because you love me,
I don't know why. Is it wrong to now decide?
I don't know why, I'll be gone because you love me,
I don't know why. Is it wrong to now decide I miss you?
I miss you." 

Holding up his hands in the shape of a heart, he ran off the stage, back into the safety of the wings, breathing heavy from the last song. Regulus made his way to his dressing room, giving high fives to some of the crew on the way, and picking up a bottle of water. He collapsed in his chair with a huff, almost downing the entire bottle in one, before grabbing his phone to check his notifications until Pandora arrived backstage.

He didn't have to wait long, as she came knocking a couple of minutes later, cheeks pink as she tugged her camera off of her neck.

"You did brilliantly, Reg, I'm so proud of you! I knew you'd smash it!" She pulled him up out of his chair and into a hug, and he couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks Dora. Get any good pictures?" She grinned and entered into a long-winded tirade about the pictures she had taken, showing him a few here and there.

They waited for a few minutes for Regulus to get his energy back and change into some comfier clothes for the car ride to his new house in the suburbs of LA, then made their way out the stage door and straight into his car, driver already waiting. Settling in the back seat for the half-an-hour journey, Regulus' eyes were practically already shut before they'd even driven off, exhaustion catching up to him after a busy week, which wasn't over yet. He still had four more shows in the next seven days, with the days in between packed with rehearsal. 

Beside him, Pandora was already transferring her photos from her camera to her phone, smiling and tilting the camera towards Regulus, who opened his eyes for her, every once in a while when she found one she especially liked. After ten minutes or so, she turned off the camera and spoke in low tones to him.

"So-uh... how was the show for you on the whole...brother front?" Regulus cringed, as he looked for the words to reply. He supposed it had gone well, no different to normal, really. Maybe he was a little more tense than usual performing the songs that were most obviously about their experiences, but overall, he doesn't think Sirius was the biggest issue he faced tonight.

"Not bad. I didn't see him in the audience or anything," Technically, not a lie, "It's just...weird, I guess. I feel like I'm looking in on another universe, where nothing went wrong and he would be at all my shows, by my side, supporting me." He trailed off, at a loss for how to continue, but Pandora just smiled.

"It could be like that, you know. He's trying." Regulus just shook his head, choosing to look out the window at the sights of downtown LA, instead of maintaining eye contact with her.

He sounded more bitter than he expected when he replied, "Five years too late." 

Pandora was looking at him, he could see out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't look away from the window. She didn't reply, and he was left with his thoughts. It only took him a few minutes to realise what he had been missing for a while.

He looked down at his lap, where he fiddled with his rings. "Did you...did you say Sirius is performing tomorrow?" Regulus sounded less bitter this time, and his voice was barely above a whisper. When Pandora didn't reply immediately, he tore his eyes away from his hands to look her in the eye. She was staring at him, her smile blinding as it stretched across her face, with a knowing look in her eyes that Regulus did not want to read into, instead raising an eyebrow at her. Her smile didn't dim as she replied.

"Yeah, he is. Playing The Forum." He let out a huff of disbelief at Pandora's words. The Kia Forum was one hell of a concert venue, with a capacity of nearly twenty-thousand. Despite all his conflicting emotions, it was hard to ignore the searing pride in his chest. 

"Do you know if its sold out?" He asked, and Pandora didn't even have the audacity to look surprised, that knowing smile not even leaving her face.

"I'm not sure, but probably? But you know...I'm sure he can get you in." Regulus swallowed before returning his gaze downwards, thinking about his reply. 

"I don't want special treatment or anything...I just..."

"Want to see him." She offered, and Regulus didn't respond. Not with words, anyway. His hands stilled in his lap, and he turned towards her once again.

"I don't know what I want," he admitted, quieter than he intended. "But I need to find out."

Pandora's expression softened. "Then maybe you should go."

Regulus looked out the window once again, as the car pulled up outside his driveway.

"Yeah," he murmured. "Maybe I should."

Chapter Text

Friday, 01:12am

Regulus was really hoping Sirius' number hadn't changed in the last few years, as he typed, deleted and re-typed a message, once he was wrapped up in the warmth of his own bedsheets. He was so grateful he had been able to afford his own house, in LA, and he didn't have to keep surviving with a different hotel bed every show.

Regulus: hey
Regulus: do you have any tickets left for your show tomorrow?

His heart was almost beating out of his chest as he pressed the send button, breaking the five year streak of no contact. It felt like a permanent shift, in a way. If they spoke now, they would not be able to return to radio silence. At least, Regulus knew he would not be able to. Something told him Sirius was no different.

He didn't expect Sirius to reply until morning, so he begun to wind down, turning the lights off. However, just two minutes later, his phone buzzed in his hand. Regulus stilled slightly, twisting the phone over and over in his hand before he could bring himself to see what the notification was.

Sure enough, it was there. Glaring at him, bright and powerful. Just a name, but, in every universe, not just a name.

Sirius: Regulus? Is this you?

Regulus: yeah. it's me.

Sirius: i wasn't expecting this. you don't have to come

Regulus: i know. i want to.

Sirius: if you show up at the stage door, you're in, just tell them your name.

Regulus: thank you.

Sirius: goodnight, Reg.

-----

Friday, 7:48pm

The venue was much larger than anything Regulus had ever played, understandably, as Sirius was much further ahead in his career, his music reaching millions of streams and hundreds of thousands of fans worldwide. He avoided the crowds outside by getting his driver to take both he and Pandora directly to the stage door, which was slightly concealed.

He inhaled deeply as they got out of the car and stood before the door, lungs filling with air that stank of weed. Pandora smiled warmly at him.

"You ready?" Regulus felt his lips press into a grim smile, but he nodded all the same. Pandora took the liberty of knocking for him, and a tall, bearded man dressed in all black opened it wide.

"Um- Regulus Black? I was told I'd be able to get in here." The man, who's name tag read Hagrid, just nodded and held the door open wide for them. Once they made it inside, he handed them passes.

"Backstage passes. I'll take you up to your box now." The man began to make his way up some stairs off to the right, and Pandora raised her eyebrow in surprise at Regulus. His own expression likely mirrored hers, as neither of them were expecting full backstage passes or a private box, but he supposed Sirius wanted them to have some privacy. They had a good view of the stage, and were well out the way of any fans who might be prying or taking pictures.

"When you're ready, come back down and I can let you backstage." Hagrid said, before walking away. Regulus bit his lip, but didn't say anything as Pandora watched him.

He sighed and sat down in one of the seats, looking out over the balcony. The Forum was dimly lit, a haze of pinks and purples that bounced off the walls and the crowd. The pit was almost full, and the hum of chatter created a nervous energy that was bubbling throughout the room. Pandora sat beside him, running her hands over the velvet of the seats and whistling lowly at the quality. He knew what she meant- Sirius had clearly put them in one of the higher end boxes of the venue, and he cringed at the thought, knowing he had barely acknowledged his brothers presence at his own show, let alone accommodated for it.

Regulus is pretty sure he already missed the support act by ten minutes or so, and it was nearly time for his brother to come on stage. His knee bounced with nerves and he let out a huff of air, scanning the room. There were other private boxes similar to theirs throughout the venue, the closest to them were slightly concealed by a connecting wall.

He tugged anxiously at one of the rings on his finger, twisting it until the skin underneath felt raw. Pandora reached over and gently stilled his hand.

"You don't have to see him after, even though he gave us backstage passes." she said quietly, not looking at him. "Not if you're not ready."

Regulus swallowed and gave her a nod. "I know."

The lights dimmed further, this time with purpose. The background chatter was cut immediately as the crowd erupted in cheers. A low bass note hummed through the venue like a heartbeat. Pandora leaned forward in her seat, but Regulus stayed still, hands clenched together, spine rigid. The beat of the music picked up to match Regulus' heartbeat, and the screaming was almost deafening now.

And then Sirius was there.

He skipped out onto the stage excitedly, a grin split across his face as he held one hand in a wave as the lights exploded in shades of red and yellow. His guitar was slung over his shoulder, and a microphone waited for him at centre stage. Sirius was in an all-leather get up; black trousers with red stripes down the side, and a cropped black and red leather tank top. It was bold, a statement- it was Sirius. His curls were wild, and eyeliner

He looked happy, and focused on the show, the audience. But as he reached the mic, his eyes flickered up toward the private boxes- towards their box- just for a split second. Not long enough for anyone else to notice, but Regulus did. And it like a punch to the chest.

Sirius stepped up to the mic and let the first chord ring out.

The song was upbeat- exactly the kind you would expect Sirius Black to open a show with. It was fast, it was pop, and it was...fun.

"I just left the party at Blake's and it's Halloween,

Had the keys to my car in my hand, but I didn't leave

'Cause the potential of us, it was keeping me up all night long." 

Once Sirius had finished the first couple lines, he was moving energetically about on stage, taking the microphone with him as he hopped from one area to another.

"This could be a disaster, there's so many factors:

Like, what if you freak out and then we're losing it all
At the critical chapter where I say, "I love you" and you don't say it after." 

The chorus was upbeat, a real song that you could dance to. It was clearly about his boyfriend, Remus Lupin, who Regulus had never met, but had seen around at award shows and other events. Honestly, he knew nothing about the man other than that he was a model, and he's fucking hot.

"This could be a disaster,
I'm pedalling backwards by saying that I'm drunk,
I really shouldn't have called," 

Halfway through the song, and he was still sat frozen, elbows braced on his knees, hands clasped and chin resting above. It was a good song. Really good. Freeing and easy to dance to, but the lyrics hit with a nervous sincerity that was just so Sirius. That balance of confidence, yet messy anxiety? This had Sirius Black written all over it.

"I'm a little bit plastered, you call me a liar now I'm falling in faster.
This could be a disaster."

During the instrumental, Regulus turned to Pandora to speak under his voice, as much as he could, "So, what do we know about Remus Lupin?"

Pandora tilted her head thoughtfully. "Not much, to be honest. I don't think he likes the public eye very much. I heard he turned down a huge shoot last year just to avoid doing the interview part." Regulus raised his eyebrows.

"So...pretty much the opposite of Sirius?" Pandora grinned and nodded.

"I think that's what makes them such an attractive couple. I'm pretty sure they've been dating three years now, and this song is back from the very beginning when nobody knew they were a thing. Then they hard launched a year ago and Sirius hasn't shut up about him since."

Regulus turned back to watch his brother hopping about on stage in what looked like an exhausting manner. "How do you know so much about their relationship?"

"I took a Youtube deep dive this morning. Turns out, your brother has many layers." He rolled his eyes and fell silent.

"Is it purely platonic to call me, like, every night?
You know Marlene believes that there's something between you and I,
But if I'm reading it wrong, man, it'd be better off if I died." 

Marlene- Regulus remembers her from school. She was one of Hogwarts' best drama students, and acted in a few plays right alongside his friend Dorcas.

"And if you're reading the text all night long."

Sirius finished the song while dancing about on stage, before standing and addressing the crowd.

"Hello LA! Thank you for having me here today! Boy, have we got a special show lined up for you!" The crowd roared. It was almost incredible to see what his brother had achieved, "This next one is about growing up. Or... my experience of growing up, at least. This is for anyone who's had to survive anything they shouldn't have had to. It's called Winner."

Regulus was already struck by a wave of curiosity, and he leaned forward in his seat to rest his arms on the balcony in front of them, ready to listen, really listen. He knew this could break him, but he didn't care. He wanted to hear it- his brothers side of the story.

"Packed my bags at fourteen,

I hadn't planned on leaving,

But you haven't been back home for days."

Regulus remembers that day as clear as crystal, their parents had left them for four days straight to go to their great aunt's funeral, and they'd had to fend for themselves. It was great, at first, four days of freedom from abuse, free to cook for themselves, to come out of their rooms and talk for once.

But, as days went on, it turned out leaving a fourteen-year-old boy to cook and clean for himself and his thirteen-year-old brother was not a great idea. They had begun to argue over time, about who's turn it was to cook, who's turn it was to answer the door, or the phone. On the last day, when their parents were due back in a few hours, Regulus had hurled insults at Sirius, who henceforth ran away to James' house for three entire days, until Walburga dragged him back by his ear.

"The pots and pans and roaches,
They're glad I'm finally going,
'Cause even them, they shudder at your name."

Regulus had ignored Sirius for at least six months after that incident, as he'd been left with the fallout of his mothers wrath once they returned to find only one child at home. Sirius had apologised over and over, grovelled to him for that entire year, as he knew what he had done was a stupid mistake made out of spite, that ended up cursing Regulus.

"You don't really want to hear the truth, do you?
It's obvious to anyone who ever knew you,

That all you ever want is to be right,
Even if that means you got to lie to do it."

He let out a shuddery breath. Don't get him wrong, he's written plenty of songs about their family, and his experiences, and how he managed to escape them. But they were all either subtle, or never released to the public. It wasn't even something he'd ever spoken about with his brother, not directly nor explicitly, he likes to think that maybe, if Sirius hadn't left so abruptly, they would've gotten round to talking eventually.

Except, they didn't. Talk about it. And here Sirius was, digging up every wound they shared and shining a spotlight on it for everybody to inspect, as if it was normal. He was used to this, he had been since they were young. Sirius had always appeared to be stronger than he was, had always moved on faster. One of the songs on his new album, The Exit, was about that specifically.

"The only thing you've proven,
 Is that there's no one who ever has done better,
At making me feel worse- now you really are the winner." 

 And for just a split second, the thousands of voices singing along dropped away around him, and it was just him, Sirius, and the memory of Grimmauld Place haunting him. There was a lump in his throat now, and his eyes prickled dangerously. He could see Pandora peering at him out of the corner of her eye, wisely saying nothing.

"Yeah, there's nothing that ever did quite kill me more than what you did,
Now you really are the winner."

"Bask inside your victory,
My heart that once was beating,
Bleeding in the palm of your hand.
Yet you have the nerve to miss me,

How do I somehow feel guilty
When you're the one who let it get this bad?" 

Even though the song was clearly about their parents, Regulus couldn't help but wonder if there was a little of him in that lyric too, tucked between the lines like an accusation. He had been the one that stayed quiet to survive, he'd been the one stopping Sirius leaving before he cracked. Every so often, Sirius would always ask him to leave with him, and every time, he'd always say no.

"You don't really want to hear the truth, do you?
It's obvious to anyone who ever knew you that all you ever wanted was to fight," 

Ah, the wonders of their mother.

"I was only trying to survive your chaos,
Well, look at how it's paid off." 

He encouraged the audience to sing the next chorus with him, letting them finish the song off.

Regulus finally allowed himself to sit back and huff out a breath, which tasted of both disbelief and respect. All this time he'd spent trying to hide his past from the public eye, and here Sirius had been, showing it off and prancing it about for everybody to pry open and inspect. And while he could be mad at him for that, all he could seem to feel was upmost admiration for his brother. Why shouldn't he write about the things that have affected him? Just because Regulus is too good at repression and denial for that, doesn't mean he has to be.

He and Pandora were able to relax for a little while after that, as Sirius sung a few far-from-subtle love songs, which helped to put Regulus' mind at rest that his brother was happy, at least, and he had people around him that loved him. Not that he could ever doubt that fact when golden retriever James Potter was involved, however.

As Sirius rolled into the talking aspect of his show, Regulus turned to Pandora and spoke in low tones.

"Had you listened to any of his music before today?" She smiled wryly.

"You thought I did a deep dive without listening to any of his music?"

He shrugged, "I wasn't sure."

"I listened to a few of the hit songs from his album. Not everything though. He's good, though." Regulus hummed, thinking for a second before replying.

"He's...not what I expected, I think."

"What, you expected him to be trash?" She teased.

"No, no, just less...out there, I guess. But when has Sirius Black ever even known the meaning of the word subtle in his life." Pandora shook her head and laughed, before nodding in agreement.

Back on stage, Sirius was introducing another song.

"Okay, moving on from the lovey-dovey section of the show," His face split into a wide grin as the audience cheered, "We've got a few songs left for you, and now we're going back to the sad stuff, sorry folks." More cheers.

"Oh you guys like the sad stuff? Well, this next one's about a pretty sad childhood I had," His eyes flickered up momentarily to their box, and Regulus could feel his heart pounding again. "I've never been good at talking about stuff like this, shocking, I know. So, I write songs. You don't have to make eye contact with music, you know? It's just easier."

"Yet, recently I realised, fuck that, you know? I shouldn't let the bad stuff stop me from enjoying the good stuff, and I shouldn't let it stop me from spending time with, or even speaking to, the people I love. And with that, I vowed to get better at the talking part. It's a work in progress, okay?" He smiled, and there was a smatter of laughter in the audience, most of the crowd enraptured in Sirius' speech, Regulus included. He swallowed. It was obvious what Sirius was getting at here, he couldn't ignore it any longer. His brother was trying, and Regulus wasn't going to run from it any longer.

"This one's called Family Line." Regulus dug his fingers into the velvet arms of his chair. Pandora rested her hand on his arm, grounding him.

"My father never talked a lot, he just took a walk around the block,
'Til all his anger took a hold of him, and then he'd hit."

Sirius voice cracked. He'd made it two lines into the song and was already breaking down in front of him.

Regulus released a breath he didn't even realise he was holding. Fuck, if he'd thought Winner was a clear story of their past, this song was going to destroy him. He saw Sirius' teary eyes return to him once again, almost anxiously, and he maintained eye contact as he began to sing the next lyric, but nothing could prepare him for the line.

"My brother never cried a lot,
He took the punches, but he never fought.
I said, "I'm leaving will you please come with," and he did.

And that hit him like a kick to the chest. That day, before their final summer, when they'd left for the Potter's, convinced everything would lead to a happy ending. The eye contact didn't break as Sirius somehow made it through the lines, though his eyes were gradually welling up, and it left a lump in Regulus' throat. Sirius didn't flinch. He just stood on stage, defiant, like he was daring Regulus to finally act on the distance between them, before he did it himself. He could hear the sympathetic noises of the crowd, the teenage girls starting to cry with him. He didn't care.

He blinked once, then looked away, choosing to stare at the floor instead.

"I say they're just the ones who gave me life but I truly am my parents' child.
Scattered 'cross my family line, I'm so good at telling lies: that came from my mother's side.
I Told a million to survive."

"Scattered across my family line,
God, I have my father's eyes but my brother's when I cry.
I can run, but I can't hide from my family line."

The song was so emotionally vulnerable, like he'd ripped out his own heart just so he can be transparent with the world. Regulus should really learn some of his values.

"It's hard to put it into words, how the holidays will always hurt.
I watch the fathers with their little girls and wonder what I did to deserve this,
How could you hurt a little kid? I can't forget, I can't forgive you
'Cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me."

He finds himself wishing he was as talented with song writing as his brother. He'd managed to perfectly sum up everything he's ever felt about his family into one song, with beautiful lyrics and a wonderful melody. God, ever since he was a child he's always wanted Sirius' talent.

"Oh, all that I did to try to undo it,
All of my pain and all your excuses
I was a kid but I wasn't clueless.
Someone who loves you wouldn't do this!
All of my past, I tried to erase it
But now I see, would I even change it?"

The beat had picked up now, and Sirius was singing angrily, bitterly, a letter to the people who will never hear it, but doing so obviously bought him comfort.

"Might share a face and share a last name, but we are not the same!"

Coming from somewhere in the depths of his mind, he suddenly had a progressive want to sing alongside his brother, share their story, on their terms. Sirius was right- why should his parents stop him living his life when he hadn't even contacted them in years?

"I can run, but I can't hide from my family line." The song wrapped up and Regulus was at a loss for words as the audience erupted.

"Okay, LA, I see you and your daddy issues!" Laughter rippled throughout the room, warm, comforting, relatable, "Thank you for singing along with me tonight. We've got two songs left for you. We're ending on a happy note, but before we can get to the happy note, there's one more I want play. And if you thought Family Line was depressing, just you wait and see how depressing Sirius Black's music can get." There were whoops and cheers from the dedicated fans that obviously knew what was coming next, and a smatter of laughter here and there.

Sirius grinned, and didn't continue until the audience had fallen into silence, entranced in what he had to say. He was stood centre stage with the microphone in front of him, looking around almost nervously. He took an obvious deep breath before speaking again. "So, I wrote Franklin House four years ago. I was nineteen years old and I'd been in LA for nine months. And I've sung it at every single show headline I've done ever since that time. People always assume that it's my favourite song I've written, and don't get me wrong I love it, but...that's not just it." He hopped from foot to foot, and Regulus wonders distantly where this tirade is going, as he shares a look with Pandora.

"I've played Franklin House every single show, just praying, that who I need to hear it will hear it. And every time, I know it hasn't happened yet, I know he hasn't listened and I know he has never been in the audience. Trust me, if he was there, I know I'd just sense it." Sirius wasn't looking up at him now. He didn't need to. Regulus tried to swallow the lump in his throat, as the weight of the words hung heavy above him. This wasn't a love song, this was for him.

"But tonight's different. My lucky day. Some of us don't say what we mean to until five years later, but we've all got to start somewhere. I hope you're listening." And with that, the lights turned the stage a golden orange, and the notes for a slower song started playing.

"I've got stories to tell, but no means to tell them.
I've got words to get out, but they'll send me to Hell,
I bet you're drunk at the Franklin, blowing off all that grief that I gave you."

As soon as Sirius started singing, Regulus was up out of his seat for the first time that entire show. He stood, leaning his forearms on the railings and leaning out over the box, as if he was trying to stretch himself to become one with the music, or closer to his brother, who was deliberately looking at the floor.

"It's cold when you're here and it's cold when you're not,
It hit me like a bullet but I took it 'cause I'm strong,
And I'm closest to the man, the man I never was."

It struck Regulus, then, that this song wasn't about their parents, wasn't about childhood, but it was about them. Him. It wasn't a story, but an apology letter for what happened after he'd left.

"And I'm driving home from the worst night alive,
Thanksgiving was like Hell, but I give thanks that I'm alive."

Regulus could see himself in the song. Almost as if the pair of them had been having twin experiences for the last five years, a cycle of guilt, pain and sorrow.

"I will survive, but I'll never recover,
The ache comes and goes like scars with the weather,
I'm stuck with the pains in the place of all the love I still have for you,
Don't be mad at me."

He didn't even realise he was gripping the railing for dear life until his knuckles turned white. The words were crawling under his skin, burrowing into places he'd pent up and buried a long time ago.

"I thought I could change you for better
All I did was break you forever.
You needed saving, but I could not save you this time
All I did was break you forever."

The beat picked up and Regulus felt like the air had thickened. His view of Sirius turned blurry as his eyes prickled at the lyrics. On stage, Sirius wasn't performing anymore. He was confessing. As if the guilt of him leaving has been hanging off of him for the past five years, and, in classic Black family tradition, he'd been too stubborn to reverse his actions.

"I had reasons to run and reasons to fight.
Don't ask me why I left 'cause I couldn't tell you why."

He was apologising to him now- breaking the tradition- he wasn't going to be stubborn anymore, and neither was Regulus.

"I was hopeless, I was young, I was angry, but I thought I was fine.
Now this place is empty, and if the walls could talk,
They would tell you how it is and tell you how it's not
'Cause I would never take the blame on all the things that I know were my fault."

God, that last line. If that wasn't a perfect description of their family, he didn't know what was.

"I will survive, but I'll never recover
Love in the balance will never be covered
You don't owe me none, there's no debt to me,
I promise you, I'm not mad at you."

Regulus wiped his eyes in time to see when Sirius stopped looking at the floor. Stopped avoiding him, stopped pretending the space between them didn't exist. As they made eye contact, Regulus could see the matching tears in his brothers' eyes. Once again, everybody else fell away around them.

"Oh, please don't be mad at me."

His voice wavered just slightly, making it clear he was barely holding it together.

"I thought I could change you for better,
All I did was break you forever."

Sirius was practically shouting the words now, singing with passion, with his tears.

"You needed saving, but I could not save you this time.
All I did was break you forever."

Years ago, something had convinced him that anger was easier than forgiveness. He had been wrong.

This song wasn't a for the spotlight, it wasn't a request.

It was an olive branch, held out in front of a sold-out crowd, not expecting to be taken- but offering it anyway.

And for the first time in five years, Regulus found himself wondering if maybe, just maybe, it wasn't too late to reach back.

"I will survive, but I'll never recover
I will get by, but I'll never get over
I will survive, but I'll never recover."

The final notes of the song ended, and the fans were cheering, but Sirius still hadn't looked away. It was just them and the unspoken words between them, tears saying enough.

And then, Regulus took the olive branch and didn't look back.

He was running out of their box quicker than his mind could catch up, grabbing his phone and ignoring Pandora calling his name behind him. Hagrid was waiting for him at the bottom, and like promised he asked to be taken backstage. Pandora's face morphed into shock as she realised he wasn't in fact running away, but running towards.

Sirius had one song left of his show, and he was determined to be waiting for him when he was done. He managed to wrangle the staff and let him stand in the wings to see Sirius finishing off his last song. It was upbeat and fun, but Sirius seemed withdrawn and empty of energy, and it hit him. His brother had thought he was running away. He was anxious now, bouncing on his toes with Pandora hovering a metre or so behind him, likely to give them space. Regulus didn't have a plan for what he would do or say when Sirius came off stage, even if he had dreamt of this moment for half a decade.

"Affluenza, Affluenza."

He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. He could feel it in his fingers, through to his toes. Honestly, Regulus wasn't sure he was still breathing properly.

"Thank you LA!" And he was running, towards him. Not looking at him yet, still waving at the audience.

When he'd reached the wings, he turned to face him. The second their eyes met, Sirius froze. The noise and his surroundings evaporated, and for a moment, nothing felt real. There his brother stood, flushed and chest heaving from the performance, mouth parted and eyes wide in shock.

"Hi." Was all Regulus could muster up.

Sirius shut his mouth, then opened it again, then shut it and swallowed. "Hi." He breathed out, barely audible over the noise.

Just for tonight, Regulus tried to be brave. He took a step forward, and Sirius remained still. Another step, and Sirius stumbled as if he was re-learning to walk. They met in the middle, and, for the first time in five years, they pulled each other into a hug. It was impossible to tell who moved first, but in a split second he was wrapped up in his brothers arms.

"I thought you'd left," Sirius whispered. His voice cracked. "When I saw you running-"

"I didn't leave. I'm here, I'm listening." Regulus interrupted, eyes squeezed shut as he rested his forehead on Sirius' shoulder.

"Fucking hell, finally." Sirius let out a sob, and Regulus a teary laugh.

"I know, I'm sorry it took me so long."

Sirius pulled back, just slightly to look him in the eyes but kept his arms where they rested. "Hey, hey, no, Reg, God, I'm so sorry, I never meant-"

"Sirius. It's okay. We've got time to talk." They both breathed in deeply, smiling slightly at each other. He didn't think it would feel this easy, but they both fell back into talking like it was nothing different for them.

"Right, yes, well. Let's go somewhere quieter." Sirius dragged him towards his dressing room then stopped short before Pandora.

"Pandora. Hi." He said.

"Sirius Black, we meet again, at last." She was grinning from ear to ear as she held out her hand, and Regulus didn't like that playful look.

Sirius took her hand, "It's lovely to see you again, Pandora. Now, come with me, we'll go backstage."

He greeted and high-fived a variety of crew and staff members as he made his way to his dressing room, positively glowing with glee, either from adrenaline or something else. As they made their way, Sirius kept throwing glances over his shoulder, as if checking that Regulus hadn't disappeared. And every time, he would offer a miniscule smile in return.

After what felt like an age of watching Sirius interact with every person he came across, they finally reached the door to his room. He flung it open carelessly, and leaning casually against the vanity was a man Regulus had only ever seen in pictures: magazine covers, met gala red carpets, paparazzi shots, but the face was unmistakable. Remus Lupin.

In real life, he looked softer than the press made him seem. Aged eyes, warm smile, a sort of calm sureness that didn't equal the chaos of Sirius' life but clearly belonged in it.

He and Pandora hung back by the door as Sirius' face split into a grin at the sight of his boyfriend, and he went to greet him with a kiss. Both men seemed slightly enraptured with the other for a moment, and it made Regulus smile, knowing his brother had found his people.

Sirius seemed to remember his existence a second later and practically lit up. "Shit, sorry. Regulus, this is Remus. My boyfriend. Remus, this is my brother." Remus gave him a warm smile and held up his hand in greeting.

"Hey, nice to meet you." Regulus replied, moving further into the room. But before the model could reply, the door slammed open.

In hindsight, he really should have seen this coming.

"Hello, rockstars! That was inc-" James Potter stopped short and the grin swiftly fell from his face as he noticed the new company in the room. Regulus felt like time had slowed down, and all the blood in his body had frozen, as he found himself stood face to face with the boy that made him feel so much love and so much pain. And he wasn't a boy anymore, this James was a man, grown and matured, and so was Regulus. They were two different people to who they were back then, and yet, it felt like no time had passed at all.

Up close, he could tell that James' curls had grown out, still as untameable as ever, but the rest of his features remained the same. His honey brown eyes shone beneath his renowned round frames, the same frames he hadn't switched out since he was a teenager. Obviously, Regulus had been able to watch how James had grown through the media, but none of that could have prepared him for meeting with him up close.

He swallowed, unsure what to say or how to react. He'd been angry at him for years, and he's been full of resentment towards what happened, but as they made eye contact, that all seemed to slip away from him. Not the hurt, or the pain, but the rage. The fury he had felt for so long- seemed to dissipate.

"Reg." James breathed out his name like it was a delicate old thing that could crumble at the touch. He sounded unsure, but soft. As if he wasn't sure if what he was doing was right, but he'd done it anyway.

And then he remembered. He didn't owe anyone forgiveness. Regulus crossed his arms and glared a little, mouth pinching into a frown.

"Don't call me that, Potter." James' mouth parted in surprise, eyes wide and full of guilt and a touch of sorrow.

"Okay!" Sirius moved forward from where he was watching the entire ordeal with his back against Remus' chest, holding onto the hand slung over his shoulders. The model had an eyebrow raised in confusion, clearly unaware of their past. In fact, he and James had never outright told Sirius anything, unless he's found out since.

"James. Go find the others or something." His brother snapped, and James grimaced, before leaving the room without another word.

Regulus swallowed. "You didn't have to do that, I'm going to have to speak to him at some point if this is going to be a thing."

"A thing?"

"Yeah, a thing, Sirius. I'm here now, and I'm staying." He received a shy smile in return.

"Okay, well, we can deal with James later. I know you still hate him." Regulus pursed his lips into a thin line, still unsure whether he knew the full story.

He didn't pursue it, instead asking: "Who are the others?"

"Ah. Marlene, Mary, Lily and Pete were able to make it tonight, they've all been in LA for a while." Regulus nodded, and he recalled all those names from Hogwarts.

"You can go and see them if you want, you don't have to stick here with us. Or they can come here, I really don't mind."

Sirius raised both eyebrows. "You know you're more important to me right now, Reg. We've got... a lot to catch up on."

"Yeah, I guess it's time to stop pretending we haven't got a tonne of shit to hash out. I'm just...not sure how to start."

Pandora interrupted, "Why don't you guys just go out for coffee tomorrow, or something? It's already late enough tonight and you've both had a long day."

They pondered it for a second, before Regulus gave a questioning look to Sirius, who nodded.

"Sure," Sirius said, "I mean... you can come out with us tonight, if you want. Of course, I told them it might all be off the table if you were coming tonight."

Regulus thought it through, before having an ultimately wordless conversation with Pandora about what she wanted to do. Finally, he turned back to his brother, who had a slightly concerned look on his face.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. Where were you planning on going?"

"Probably this little bar we like, it's quite private and hidden away, and the staff all know us and protect us from prying fans, so we often wind up there."

Regulus nodded, "Okay, get ready and we'll go then. I've got to see these people again at some point, haven't I? Might as well be now."

Sirius grinned, and got to work changing out of his uncomfortable-looking tank top and into a plain black t-shirt. Meanwhile, Regulus and Pandora sat on his dressing room couch, and Remus sat in an armchair.

"So...how did you guys meet?" Regulus spoke up, asking a question directed towards Remus, whose eyes were tracking his boyfriend as he rushed about the room.

His eyes moved towards him once he spoke, almost in surprise that Regulus was engaging in conversation. "Uh, at a fashion show, actually. Three-and-a-half years ago now. I was walking and he was one of the guests invited." His voice was deep, and Regulus didn't expect for him to have such a strong, northern, British accent.

Sirius walked over, bag slung over his shoulder, and interrupted whatever Remus was going to say next. "And I hit him with my best pickup line, and he just couldn't resist me."

Remus laughed, clutching the arm now tightly wrapped around his chest as Sirius leant forward to rest his chin on his boyfriends' head. "You tripped and spilt your fancy champagne down my shirt."

"Semantics."

Regulus smiled and tilted his head as he watched them. "So you accosted a famous model with your drink?"

"Yup. Then he offered to buy me a new shirt, which led to coffee, which led to this, I suppose." Both men were smiling as Sirius pressed a kiss to Remus' temple.

"Right, ready to go?" Sirius stood, pulling Remus up with him, and Regulus and Pandora followed.

They piled out the stage door, where there was two minivans waiting, one full of people, one empty and ready for them. The sliding door of the second van was pulled open, and as soon as they were out of the venue Sirius' friends came toppling out towards him, to wrap him up in a supportive, congratulative hug.

Regulus hung back and bit his lip, trying to identify each of them. He recognised the startling fiery orange of Lily's hair, and the curled blonde locks belonged to Marlene, both of whom were first to reach Sirius, patting him on the back and singing praises. Mary and Peter were next to follow, and he could clearly make out their faces and saw that neither had changed much in terms of appearance since the last time he saw them.

And of course, there stood James, behind them. Regulus never wanted to forget his face.

The group all took their turns to peer at him when they thought he wasn't looking, trying to inspect him from afar, eyebrows pinched together, but none of them said a word before they were being herded back into the van by Sirius.

"Reg, Pandora, you can get in this one with us." He snapped Regulus out of his thoughts once the rest of his friends were back in the van, door slammed shut. He clambered in, he and Pandora sat opposite Sirius and Remus.

"Bar's about ten minutes out. And don't- don't stress, okay? If you get overwhelmed or anything you can leave. Or we can. I don't mind. Just- no one's here to interrogate you. They'll just want to know what you're up to, how you're doing."

Regulus swallowed, nodding. "I know. I'll be fine." Sirius gave him a small, shy smile.

"I'm really happy you're here."

"Me too, Sirius, me too." He reached forward and patted Sirius' knee, and the smile he received in return was blinding. The small talk that filled the car for the rest of the journey was far from comfortable, but it wasn't awkward, either. It was progress.

Soon, they pulled into a dimly lit, half-empty car park, sheltered by a tall, rustic building that reminded Regulus of the pubs back home. It was a secluded place, just out from the city centre, surrounded by residential suburbs. He could see why Sirius liked it- as he stepped out the van he was reminded of his youth. Back home, sneaking into the local pubs as a teenager to spend the evening with Sirius and his friends. When nobody recognised them, when they could just be Regulus and Sirius, not performing for anyone.

Once he had fully taken in the nostalgic appearance of the bar, he turned back to Sirius, who was grinning at him from his spot leaning into Remus' chest, the taller man's arm slung over his front.

"I knew you'd like this place. Doesn't feel like LA, does it?"

Regulus shook his head, "Sure doesn't." He spoke lowly, as he strolled up towards the entrance, following Sirius and Remus. The two identical vans in the parking lot signified that the others were already inside. And the cheers that filled his ears when the doors were pushed open confirmed it.

"Here he is, superstar!" Lily Evans clamoured as she shot up from her bar stool, some sort of drink already in hand. While Sirius was properly catching up with his friends, Regulus took the time to look around the inside of the building. It was a quaint place, a few tables and chairs in gloomy corners, and a row of bar stools in the spotlight. There was a variety of framed paintings on the walls, from portraits of noblemen to landscapes of countryside.

Marlene and Peter were both leaning over the bar, chatting animatedly with the bartender who was smiling and nodding at them as if they were old friends, which they probably were. Lily and Mary were laughing at something Sirius was saying, and James was greeting Remus.

"Vodka coke?" Pandora appeared by his side, startling him a little, holding out a glass. He took it gratefully, knowing he'd need a little something to get him through this night. After a couple of minutes there, he had already caught himself wondering how on earth he had managed to make it to this situation. A few hours or so ago he hadn't made contact with James or Sirius in years, and now he was at a bar with them as if nothing had ever gone wrong between them. No talking, nothing. Just straight back into what they had been.

They obviously had things to hash out between them, and he knew that would all happen tomorrow. So why not, he thinks, why not let himself loose for a night?

Regulus downed half his drink in one, before Sirius turned to him and smiled nervously: his cue to walk over and actually engage in conversation with these people.

"Reg. You remember Lily and Mary, right?" Be brave.

He plastered a grin on his face and wrapped Lily, who was nearest to him, into an embrace . "How could I forget?"

"I knew I missed you, Black. How are you?" Lily pulled back, giving him a genuine smile that suggested she really was interested in knowing.

Mary was next to pull him towards her as he replied, "I'm doing okay, how are you guys?"

"We're well. I loved your single, I'm proper excited to hear your album." Mary ruffled his hair like an older sister, and Regulus felt a swell of affection in his chest at her words. He really had missed this. He hadn't just left Sirius and James, he'd left so many others who he knew and loved.

"Thank you! If we're ever around together remind me to play it for you before it comes out."

"Oh, I'd love that! God, it's been too long, Reg. Don't be a stranger, okay?" Mary and Lily were smiling almost sadly at him, and he bit his lip, guiltily.

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm here now. And I'm not leaving again."

Lily clapped him on the shoulder. "You better not!"

"Little Reggie Black! I've been waiting for this day for a while." Lily and Mary grinned and stepped to the side as Marlene made her way over, drink sloshing in her hand as she raised her arms up, before wrapping them around him.

"Hi, Marlene." He greeted her softly.

The next few minutes continued like that, a routine of 'how are you?'s and 'I'm good's. The girls were obsessing over how old he had gotten, before moving on to swarming Pandora with their questions, and Peter was asking about Barty and Evan. There was an unnerving quiet off to his left, behind the girls, where he knew Remus, Sirius and James were stood, Sirius speaking in hushed, fast tones to James. Regulus was trying not to let it make him nervous, but it was pretty hard.

They slowly migrated over to some of the tables as a group, Marlene and Sirius pushing a few of them together. He found himself wedged between Peter and Lily, opposite Marlene, Mary and Pandora who were all still talking animatedly, with the boys off to his left laughing loudly about something.

A gap in conversation came up, and Marlene spoke, "So, uh... how's Dorcas?" Regulus raised an eyebrow and tried not to laugh at her nervous tone.

Dorcas and Marlene had been a thing on and off for at least their last three years of school after meeting in their drama course, but Dorcas had broken it off around the same time Sirius and James had left, resulting in her remaining friendship with Regulus, Barty and Evan. He and Dorcas had met in his fourth year, her fifth, as she had been assigned as his mentor for his ethnomusicology class, and they had been close ever since.

Pandora shot him a confused look, unknowing of what had happened as she had met Dorcas later on. Regulus gave her a slight shake of his head, to signal he would fill her in later.

"She's good, but you could ask her that yourself, you know." Marlene looked guilty, and almost scared at the thought.

Sirius interrupted before she could reply. "Invite her next time." He said, and Regulus nodded genuinely.

"I will, I'll bring all of them, they'd probably like to see you all again."

"You better bring Barty and Evan, I miss those shitheads." Peter shook his head in memory.

The night, and the amount of alcohol in their blood, progressed steadily, and soon enough Sirius was pulling a sober Remus up to dance with him to the quiet music playing in the background.

"Please play us your new album, Regulus, give the people what they want!" Mary and Marlene had taken to begging, clutching his arms and pouting.

Regulus laughed freely. "I will, not here though. Come round on Sunday, and I promise I'll play you the entire thing."

"You're lucky we're here for another month, Black." Mary replied, pointing her finger at him sternly.

"Woah, woah, woah, what's this I hear about a private album streaming? Where's my invite?" Peter came bounding into their huddle, and he heard both Lily and Sirius release noises of indignation.

"Alright, alright, you're all invited if you want. I'll text Sirius my address and he can pass it on." Of course, he didn't really mean that, but he wasn't going to say 'oh, you're all invited, but James'.

Marlene rolled her eyes, "Text us yourself, dickhead, and get our new numbers in your phone." He snickered, before passing around his phone for everyone to type into.

"Tina, change the music to something more fun!" Sirius shouted at the bartender, who grinned wolfishly back at him. A minute or so later, a familiar voice was floating from the speakers as the opening notes to Sirius' song, Disaster, started playing. Sirius let out a cackle before dancing to his own music, pulling the girls up to join him. Regulus bit his lip to stop himself smiling too widely as he watched from his seat. He could see Pandora looking at him out of the corner of his eye, and turned to meet her expression. She mouthed 'proud of you' at him, and it was a struggle not to get emotional.

Everybody was on their feet now, and Sirius was trying to pull him up, and, well, he was too drunk to say no. Someone handed him another drink, the music changed to Back to friends, and his worries started to fade away. Hearing these people, those he thought had forgotten all about him, singing along to his songs, really was something he didn't know he needed.

It went on like that for a while, switching between his, Sirius' and random music, shots being downed, lyrics being butchered by a drunk Marlene who thought she knew all his songs.

At some point, he has no idea what time, Regulus slipped away from the group when nobody was looking, and made his way into the restroom. He wasn't drunk, but he wasn't exactly sober, he concluded, as he inspected himself in the mirror, after splashing cold water over his face.

He swept a hand through his hair and took a few deep breaths as the evenings events seemed to catch up with him. Some would call him insane for doing this, because, what exactly was he doing? He was still angry at James, and he should still be angry at Sirius, but Regulus just couldn't find it in himself to be. Not after that performance tonight. He showed his vulnerability, his sorrow, his regret, and Regulus knew exactly how he felt- so what else could he do but try to forgive him?

James, however, was a different story. He wasn't exactly sure how he would forgive James, and he for sure didn't want to listen to any of his music any time soon. But how could he avoid him? James was, in his entirety, an extension of Sirius- as if he was an extra limb, or a second heart- Sirius couldn't live without James, James couldn't live without Sirius. And Regulus was going to have to live with both of them.

In that moment, as that thought struck him, he couldn't think of anything else to do but run. Run like he'd been doing his whole life- grab Pandora, apologise and leave, because that was the easiest solution to all of his problems. Deep down, Regulus knew he couldn't leave, he knew he was too far in to run now, yet as his breathing quickened and his heartbeat was drowning out his rational thoughts, he was entirely ready to.

Alas, before he could decide on anything too stupid, the door to the restroom swung open, hitting the wall in a loud slam. Regulus jumped and spun around to see the culprit, and there stood, in all his golden-brown glory, James Potter.

Regulus' expression of surprise soon hardened, as he moved to leave. James had other ideas: he moved his body to block off the door, leaning back against the wood.

"Wait, Reg. Please, don't run away again, just because I'm here." Ah. This was an intervention, not a coincidence.

"Don't pretend like you know the first thing about me, Potter. Move." James looked pained, and Regulus revelled in it. His eyebrows were pinched together, and he looked so guilty he could start crying any minute. Instead, James inhaled sharply and rubbed his hand over his eyes.

"Reg. I'm sorry about everything that happened, okay, I did it to-"

Regulus scoffed, moving closer to James and pointing a finger at his chest angrily. "Fuck off, James, I don't need your excuses five years later, okay? I don't care if it'll make you feel better, you're too damn late."

James expression morphed into something Regulus doesn't think he's ever seen before. He looked angry, frustrated, in disbelief. He pushed himself up off the door, forcing Regulus to step back an inch.

"God, you can be thick sometimes. When have I ever prioritised making myself feel better? All I ever did, I did for you."

"I don't even know what that's supposed to m-"

"It means-" James seemed to stop in his tracks, as he realised what he was saying, then recoiled back suddenly, with an indecipherable expression on his face.

Regulus scoffed again, "No, James, tell me what it 'means'." He didn't even realise he'd stopped calling him Potter.

James swallowed, and there was fear evident on his face that made Regulus startle slightly. "I can't." His voice came out barely above a whisper, and Regulus was stricken.

"Why?" He strained to speak as his throat tightened and his eyes welled with frustration at the man before him.

"Because, it could make everything a whole lot worse for both of us if I tell you." Just as he was about to question his words further, James spun on his heel and fled the room, ignoring Regulus' calls after him.

When he returned to the bar a few minutes later, there was no sight of James Potter.

Chapter Text

Saturday: Morning

"Jesus Christ, my head is killing me." Sirius groaned as he dropped down into the creaking wooden seat opposite Regulus.

Regulus rolled his eyes, sliding a glass of water across the table. "And that's why I chose this place. I'm telling you, their brunch can cure any hangover." Sirius nodded gratefully as he swallowed down his drink.

The pair were sat in a charming coffee shop a little out of the centre of LA, close enough for people to know to leave celebrities in peace, but far enough to be out of the hustle and bustle of the tourist industries. Regulus had been there a few times before, with his friends after a particularly heavy concert or night out, or if he had to be somewhere the next day. It was the combination of strong, black coffee and a good eggs benedict that really saved him from a hangover, or worse, nerves.

He had spent the early morning pacing his front room, Pandora trying, and failing to calm him down from her spot on the couch. He had woken up fast when he realised what he'd agreed to today, not to mention without the shadows of the night or the stimulants of alcohol to get the words flowing. What if they couldn't get their words out? What if it had been a mistake trying to reignite their friendship? Were they just destined to be estranged?

Regulus tried not to think of that as he ordered his food, foot tapping nervously against the wooden floorboards. He had chosen a table in the back corner, next to the window, where he thought they could get privacy, but also a little light.

"You better be right, but it can't beat a proper English breakfast." Sirius replied.

Regulus nodded in agreement, "Can anything? LA doesn't compare in any aspects, come on."

"Mm, too right. Are you still living in London?" Sirius cocked his head.

"I try to, most of the time. I've got a house there, and I just bought a house here. Obviously the industry is bigger and better out here, so I had to do a lot of recording and meetings here for the album. But when I can, I try to be in London. What about you?"

"I wish I could say the same, but I'm there a lot less than I'd like. Obviously with both mine and Remus' career being centred around travelling, I suppose it's hard to always stay in one place." Sirius replied, and two black coffees were bought over for them by a young waitress with her hair pulled back. They thanked her, and took a sip each.

Regulus nodded, continuing the conversation. "Oh yeah, I'm sure. Where does Remus mostly have work?"

Sirius tilted his head side to side, chewing his lip as he pondered. "It mostly varies between Milan, London, New York and Paris. And then I'm in LA a lot for shows, meetings, recordings et cetera. But obviously both of us have family in England, so we try to stay in London for longer."

"Where's Remus from?"

"Yorkshire. Small town not far from Sheffield. His mum's Welsh, too." Regulus nodded, finding it hard to imagine Sirius trying to clean up to meet the parents. He could already see the smitten look in his eyes just talking about his boyfriend.

"You really like him, huh?" Regulus grinned.

Sirius replied, with complete seriousness, "Oh, he will be my husband, I'll make sure of it. There's no going back now, I'm telling you Reggie, he's insane, I'm so in love with him it makes me want to die."

"Wait, you didn't get engaged did you?" He hadn't seen a ring, but didn't want to put anything past his brother.

"No, no, but I'm planning on it, soon. Somewhere nice and peaceful, when the time is right."

"Well, I came back at the right time then, didn't I?" Regulus offered a smile, which Sirius returned.

Their food arrived soon after that, and he knew they had to stop making small talk.

So, he started. "I'm sorry I didn't make more effort to keep in contact after you left." Sirius stopped chewing his food and swallowed anxiously.

"Reg, never, ever apologise for anything that happened ever again. None of it was your fault, I should have never left you in that house while you were trapped there. I regretted it everyday for so long, but I just couldn't swallow my pride and come back."

"Still, I had a part to play in not trying to contact you."

"I didn't blame you for not wanting to, though. When you stopped returning my calls, Dorcas told me you wanted nothing to do with me anymore, and I, well... I guess I just gave up. But I never should've done that, Reggie, I wish I hadn't wasted five years we could've spent together. Imagine all we could've done."

Regulus reached out and placed a hand on Sirius' arm. "Sirius. It's okay, we have the rest of our lives to catch up. No point dwelling on what has been if we can make the most of what we have now."

"God, always so wise." Sirius was dangerously close to teary, and Regulus could feel himself getting choked up at the thought.

"Look at us, we look miserable. Stop crying, you twat."

"I am not crying, its hay fever."

Regulus rolled his eyes, "Okay, Tracy Beaker." Sirius laughed a little, then smiled.

"I promise, Reg, I'm never going to leave you ever again, okay? This is it now, us against the world, just like the old days." Sirius clamped his hand tightly, taking a deep breath.

"Okay, Sirius."

"Well... and there's the little issue of a certain Potter around here..." Regulus cringed and tensed up at Sirius' suggestion.

"Fleamont?" Sirius rolled his eyes at his attempt of a joke.

"God, I wish. Haven't seen that man in too long. No, you prick- James."

Technically, Regulus had never spoken to Sirius about James, what they had been and what he'd left behind- but he had his suspicions that he already knew. "What about him?"

"Don't play dumb. You're going to have to talk to him, too."

"You know, don't you?" He was really trying not to cringe.

"Of course I know. God knows I practically had to pry the information out of him, after he'd been moping around heartbroken for the first six months of living in LA. I still can't believe you guys didn't tell me, and how didn't I even notice-"

"Oh, shove off. You would've killed us both if you found out back then."

Sirius pulled a face in return, "Whatever. I think you need to talk to him."

"Did James tell you why he broke up with me?" Sirius bit his lip, as if trying to figure out what to say that would not be the wrong thing.

"The real reason or the reason he told you?" He had lowered his voice now, and kept his eyes trained on his plate. What did he mean, the real reason? Was it linked to the secret toilet-conversation he had had with James last night? Whatever it was, he had laid awake for hours wondering what James' words had meant, and he was going to get to the bottom of it even if that meant interrogating his brother for it.

"You are going to tell me what you meant by that, right fucking now."

Sirius sighed, putting his knife and fork down. Regulus could hear his heart beating in his ears, and his blood rushing through his veins. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, in all honesty, but here he was.

"Well...uh, he told you he didn't love you anymore, right? He wasn't 'feeling it'?"

Regulus nodded, and his throat felt tight as he tried to swallow.

"God, this is all such a mess." Sirius put his head in his hands, sighing heavily, which only increased the nerves he was feeling.

"Tell me, Sirius. Please, I need to know." His voice came out more pained than he'd expected, and Sirius lifted his head to meet his eyes. He looked about as terrible as Regulus felt.

"It was a lie." Okay. What?

"What was?"

"All of it. Whatever he said to you, not loving you, needing to get away. God knows, he never meant a word."

Regulus felt like he'd been plunged under water, and he was drowning fast. His chest clenched, and his breathing shuddered.

"What do you mean?"

"It was a cover-up. He was forced to break it off." The water was filling his ears, his mouth, his nose.

"By who?"

"Who else, but our darling parents?" Sirius let out a sort of deranged-sounding laugh, then took a deep breath. "Mum...she threatened him- threatened you. You know, after you stayed with us at the Potters' that summer? She found out, saw you and James. She found him, and told him if he didn't break up with you she'd send you away, and use her stupid money to prevent any labels ever signing you, him or me."

He was drowning, and the water was in his lungs. He couldn't breathe, his chest was constricting almost painfully, and he was barely registering Sirius telling him to calm down. It was his brothers cold hands, now clutching his, that pulled him out, forced him to make eye contact with him as he instructed him to breathe again.

"Come on, let's get out of here and talk about this at home." Sirius threw a wad of cash down on the table in true rockstar fashion, grabbing his things and guiding Regulus out the door.

"Will- will he be there?" Sirius shook his head and took him to his car. Regulus had walked, so dropped down in the passenger seat.

"No, James will be at home or the studio. Not sure." Regulus tried to take a deep breath, in, hold, out.

"God, this is such a mess." He threw his head back so it hit the headrest with a thunk, as Sirius started to pull away, joining the Saturday LA traffic.

"I know. James...he didn't tell me any of this until a year or so ago, when-"

"When my contract expired with Black Records. Fuck." Regulus had been under his parents label for the first four years of his career, tied legally to them and unable to get away. However, when his contract was nearing an end and his agent was trying to get him to resign, he'd cut off all ties with everyone, fired his agent, hired a new one and a lawyer, and decided to get out of there. Now he was signed to a brilliant label who only wanted the best for their artists, and he couldn't be happier.

"Yup. Said if he told anyone sooner and someone decided to take legal action, our careers would all be in jeopardy." Sirius had a grim expression on his face.

"So he decided to be the hero, instead." Regulus closed his eyes as a headache formed behind them. "God, I hate him, I hate that he's so fucking good."

Sirius huffed out a laugh. "That's James for you. Stupid, reckless and impossible to stay mad at for too long." They had pulled into a more suburban area now, of the higher class end. Regulus thought his area was fancy, but it was nothing compared to the streets near Sirius' place, all towering, gated houses with private driveways and at least a ten metre gap between places.

"Fucking hell, Sirius, how rich are you?" He gaped as they pulled into a driveway and the gates opened automatically for them. Sirius giggled.

"Nice, isn't it?" He put the car in park and Regulus whistled lowly as they climbed out. The white walls and tall windows seemed to glimmer in the sun, surrounded by high, luscious green hedges for privacy.

Inside, it was expansive and open, with polished concrete floors and golden light-bathed rooms. There were two sets of stairs leading off to the east and west wings from the lobby, both guarded by swirling metal banisters. Sirius led them straight through the large wooden doors into the open dining room and kitchen area, which were solely lit by the floor-to-ceiling windows providing a barrier to the outside. Sirius made his way into the kitchen, throwing his keys on the dining table while Regulus gaped at the back yard.

The sprawling green space was topped off by the sleek modern pool and firepit area, surrounded by cosy seating. Every corner of the house reflected his success and popstar charm, combining indulgence and comfort.

"Do you want a drink?" Sirius called out from the kitchen just as Regulus was snooping at the walls.

"Water is fine." He replied, thoughts occupied by the dozens of record plaques and awards lining the walls and shelves. It was incredible to see, first hand, just how successful his brother had managed to be. He hoped to God he could follow in his footsteps.

"Having a nose are we?" Sirius had appeared behind him, and handed out a glass, which Regulus took gratefully.

"Of course, only reason I'm here." He smiled as his brother cuffed him round the back of the head, mumbling something about him being a dickhead.

"Sit," Sirius gestured at couch, "Can I ask you something?"

Regulus eyed him nervously, tucking his feet underneath him. "Depends. What is it?"

"Why'd you name your album Exit Wounds?" Was not what he expected him to ask.

"Well, it's my first release since leaving Black Records, and it's pretty much full of songs about them, you and James, so...I thought it had to be something about starting fresh, you know? New experiences, and all that."

"Lots of songs about me, eh?" Sirius was teasing, but he had a guilty look in his eyes, and it was clear he regretted making Regulus feel any way that led to him writing a song about it.

"Yeah, don't overthink it. Now, where were we?" Not that he really wanted to talk about this, but he knew there were more answers he needed.

"Right. What do you want to know?"

"God, I don't even know. I just can't believe he didn't tell me. Still hasn't. All this time, I thought he just stopped loving me."

Sirius burst out laughing, in an extraordinarily out-of-pocket way, that almost made Regulus huff a laugh out too. "Don't think that'll ever happen, to be honest." He said, as he looked ahead.

Regulus froze. Sirius froze, smile dropping as he realised what he had said. He didn't move to make eye contact with Regulus, who was, to say the least, silently freaking out.

"What?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all, literally ignore anything I just said. In fact, I never said anything, I don't even know what we're talking about right now."

Regulus was not okay. He launched himself up from the couch and exclaimed, "No, no! Sirius, you definitely said something!" Sirius was clenching his teeth as he also sprung up, walking backwards and hopping from side to side in panic.

"Fuck! No, no, no, this isn't happening."

Regulus dropped his arms to his side, from where they were cradling his forehead. "Do you mean that?" His voice came out quieter than he was expecting.

Sirius looked like he was in agony. But he was done with lying. "Yeah, Reg. I mean, shit, you've never made it easy for him, but we both know he was a goner from the start."

And, well. That was officially too fucking much.

He collapsed back down onto the couch, not saying a word as Sirius sank next to him, closer this time, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"He's uh...coming tonight, by the way. Everyone is. I told them they had to." Regulus could laugh at the timing of it all.

"Where do I even go from here, Sirius?" Regulus met his eyes.

"I don't know, Reg. Talking is probably a start."

"Oh, good. My favourite."

Sirius released a startled laugh once again, finding humour in his pain. Regulus must have been having a strange day, because soon enough he was chortling along with him, and the pair were surely an odd sight to walk into, cackling on the sofa like two imbeciles.

-----

Saturday: Evening

If Regulus had thought he was nervous before performing at the Grammy's, he had another thing coming. No matter how big a show is, he would forever be most nervous when he could make out the faces of the people he knows the most in the crowd.

By now, he'd gotten used to seeing Evan, Pandora, Barty or Dorcas in an audience, but he wasn't sure how things would go performing in front of those who once knew him better than anyone. And of course, there was the matter of James. Regulus knew he'd have to talk to him after the show, but in all honesty, he had no idea what they would say.

Good thing he was better at talking through his songs.

He had no time to dwell on that now, as he was making his way onto stage for the second show of his residency. Four shows left, and his first headline tour would be over.

Regulus managed to make it through the opening song of Spit of You without making any dangerous eye contact that might make him feel a little emotional. He was uncomfortably aware of the group that were in the audience, however, as he knew exactly where they were stood, watching him from the small, restricted VIP area he had placed them in.

The start of the show went well, as he made his way through his first few songs. By the time he'd reached the talking section, he was high off of the adrenaline and having the time of his life.

"Nice to see you, LA!" He waved to the audience with a beaming smile as they all screamed back at him, "Thank you for having me, once again."

"I just wanted to say a few words, as today is a very special day for me, because literally every friend I've ever had is in the audience," God, if he didn't have his in-ears he thinks he'd go deaf from the screaming. "Which, isn't that many, to be honest, but it's so lovely to have them all at a show, especially because we are, of course, so far from home."

"So, LA, let's make this show extra nice, sing extra loud for me and try to convince us that LA is better than London!" He laughed at the fans reaction to that, all of them jumping up and down in an excited manner.

"I've got a new song for you tonight, from my upcoming album. This one's called I should hate you. I hope you like it." He loved their reactions to new songs.

Regulus took a deep breath, preparing himself. He hadn't planned on singing this until the soundcheck today, when he realised: maybe it's easier to talk through music.

"Last night, I spiralled alone in the kitchen
Making pretend that the furniture listened
Wasn't the best of my mental conditions, but I tried."

I should hate you was a song that Regulus had written after a particularly rough few weeks, after he had made uncomfortable eye contact with James at an after-party last February. He didn't sleep for another day after, and every time he saw a mop of curls or the reflection of a pair of glasses in the street, he would descend into a mess of anxiety. It had been the first time he had truly discovered he was still not over him, and he probably never would be.

"'Cause we didn't happen the way we were supposed to."

"I know that I should hate you
I know that I should hate you
Pulled the knife out my back, it was right where you left it
But your aim's kinda perfect, I'll give you the credit."

He'd always known he should hate James. But of course, he'd never made it easy.

"I just drank something strong to try to forget, but it wasn't right
No, you're not even here, but you're doing my head in."

He hated how James could still consume his every waking thought even after he'd left. The hours he'd spent worrying that he'd bump into him at an event, or the drinks he'd consume just to think about something, anything else or stop worrying constantly. It had all been so much, for so long.

"I know that I should hate you
I know that I should hate you."

And yet. The tempo sped up for the bridge, and his heartrate did too.

"I should hate you, I feel stupid
Like I almost crashed my car
Driving home to talk about you
At my table in the dark."

It was almost written in the stars how he found those eyes before he sung the most honest lyric he'd ever written.

"All I ever think about is
Where the hell you even are."

He really needs to look away now. Fucking hell, this wasn't good at all. That stupid honey-brown, sucking him in and keeping him there. He wishes he could stay there forever, to be honest. James was looking back at him, face open, honest, expressionless. No guilt, no surprise, no shock. He was looking, he could see him and he was challenging him.

"And I swear to God I'd kill you
If I loved you less hard."

Oh. Regulus could see James' lips part in surprise. He still hadn't looked away.

"After all of this time, I still get disappointed
Bet you're doing alright and you don't even know it,
How it's all 'cause of you that my standards are broken in my mind
I would bend back to you if you left the door open."

Yeah, he thought, God knows I'd bend back.

He looked away.

"I know that I should hate you, I know that I should hate you." Repeated until the closing tones of the song played.

That went well.

----

"Reggie boy! That was immense!" Marlene was on him as soon as she walked through the backstage door. Regulus cackled as she drowned him with her curls, and the entire group soon followed behind.

The show had been good, overall. He had had no more slip-ups, at least.

Everybody was showering him with similar kind praises and head pats, and he thanked them all graciously. Pandora, who was already sat on the couch, stood and greeted them all.

"Barty, Evan and Dorcas should be here in a second, if you guys wanted to say hi." Regulus said, before gesturing for them all to take a seat on one of the various comfortable sofas and armchairs scattered in the backstage area.

"No fucking way, oh I can't wait!" Peter immediately perked up at that, making him laugh a little.

Less than three-or-so minutes of conversation later, all while Regulus kept himself busy collecting his things to avoid a certain gaze, the rest of his friends strolled through the door. Being closest to the door himself, he was first to them, swathing them up in an embrace proportional to the few days they've been apart.

"Stunning, as always, Reg!" Dorcas was the first to speak and have him in her arms before he even realised what was happening. Barty and Evan practically jumped on top of them as they piled in, and Pandora came skipping over so as to not miss out.

"That was cracking. Proud doesn't cover it!" Evan ruffled his hair, much to his annoyance.

Barty smiled and patted his shoulder. "What they said."

"Thanks guys." Before anyone could say anything, somebody cleared their throat loudly off to his right. Regulus turned his head slowly and glared impassively at his brother, the culprit of the sound.

Sirius merely grinned and took it in his stride. "Going to introduce us to your friends, Reggie?"

Regulus scoffed, about to reply before Barty spoke up. "Oh, I was wondering when we'd be having this little reunion." Regulus turned to see him grinning wolfishly, and he dreaded to think what was going to happen next.

"Barty Crouch. Junior. You haven't changed a bit." Sirius pushed his way forward.

When Barty replied, his tone was almost dripping with sarcasm. "Hm, wish I could say the same about you. Rockstar chic suits you, Black. Still running on charm and family drama, are we?"

Sirius grinned, "Always."

"Okay, play nice." Evan slapped a hand on Barty's shoulder and pulled him back into his chest.

Barty pulled an expression of mock confusion and hurt, putting a hand over his own chest. "I am playing nice, I haven't even mentioned-"

"Okay!" Regulus interrupted before he could spiral this any further. "Barty, Evan, Pandora, Dorcas, meet- or... re-meet, I don't even know, Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, Marlene, Lily and Mary." He went around the room, introducing everyone. He felt a bitter taste in his mouth from when he said James' name, first name.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we can remember each other, Reg." Dorcas spoke up, but when Regulus looked over at her, she was deep in a staring competition with Marlene, neither looking away but just maintaining intense eye contact while everybody else seemed to watch. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"Uh...anyway...it's good to see you guys!" Peter bounded forward and pulled Evan and Barty into a group hug, and they laughed lightly into his shoulders.

"We've missed you too, Pete. How are you?"

And so, the room descended into conversation, as Lily and Mary pulled Dorcas aside, Marlene slyly backing away and choosing to talk to Pandora instead. Sirius was busy introducing Remus to Regulus' friends, which left just James and Regulus standing there alone. He looked over, and saw James standing there awkwardly, looking at his shoes. He never seemed to hold himself in the same way he used to, his old cocky confidence going missing every time they seemed to be in the same room.

He had two options: join Peter, Barty and Evan as they chatted about something, probably entirely inappropriate; or...well, talk to James.

Twenty-four hours ago, he would've never even considered the latter as an option, too blindsided by hatred to see clearly. But now... after the mornings revelations... he wasn't so sure what to think.

He took a deep breath, then made his way over to the older man before he could talk himself out of it. James pretended not to notice him, but he visibly stiffened and shoved his hands further in his pockets nervously, as if bracing for an argument.

"So, are you going to keep staring at your shoes or are we going to talk?"

James' mouth parted in surprise, and he didn't reply for a second. "I didn't think you wanted to."

"What I want, is answers." He replied flatly.

James cringed, and looked away for a moment. "Right. Sirius told you."

Regulus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "How do you know I'm not just talking about your ominous words from last night?" James looked back towards him, holding his gaze.

"He told me that you knew everything. Look... I don't think we should talk about this here."

"No, you're right," Regulus bit his lip, trying to think of a solution other than the one at the forefront of his mind, but there was nothing. "Will you...uh...come over? Tomorrow? Before the others come round to listen to my album."

James just stared at him. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Regulus raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't it be? I'm trying to be civil here."

He hesitated as if he was going imagining all the ways this could go wrong, but he eventually gave in, "Okay, I'll be there. Only if you let me listen to the album too, though." James offered a small smile, trying to make light of the situation. Regulus smirked.

"I was never going to stop you." James' eyes softened, and his smile grew.

"Good."

"Good." Regulus smiled then turned on his heels, sharply, before he could say anything else he would regret, and walked swiftly over to Evan, leaving James confused in his wake.

He smoothly joined in the conversation with the boys, but he hadn't got away with it as much as he thought, as Evan leaned over and whispered in his ear, "What the hell was that about? I thought we were ignoring him?"

Regulus grimaced. "Well, change of plans." 

Chapter Text

Sunday: early afternoon

Regulus was pacing again. He felt like he was going to throw up, he was terrified. He had no idea how he was meant to get through a conversation with his ex, who he was definitely not over, by the way, about why they broke up five years ago, without the influence of adrenaline or alcohol.

He was screwed.

James was due round any minute, and the others were due in an hour or so to listen to his album, which was a whole other problem in itself. The album was full of songs about Sirius and James, he wasn't sure they'd all get through it in one piece.

The morning had arrived far too quickly for Regulus' liking, once he had gotten home from their after-party he spent half the night wide awake and staring at the ceiling, repeating conversations he'd had with both James and Sirius in his head.

By the time the doorbell rung, his stomach was in knots. He checked his phone- James was five minutes early. Deep breaths. His feet padded against the polished floor as he made his way to the door, forcing himself to open it.

James was stood their awkwardly, hair ruffled as if he'd run his hands through it countless times, hands shoved in the pockets of a comfortable red hoodie, with blue baggy jeans to match. His lips looked bitten, and as he saw Regulus his entire expression tensed, as if he had been hoping he'd got the wrong address.

"Hey." Regulus attempted a smile. It made James look uneasy.

"Hey." He stood aside, letting James step in. "Nice house."

Regulus shut the door and thanked him. His house was neat and tucked away in the Hollywood Hills, where very few people tended to bother him when he went about his daily business. Of course, he preferred to live in London, so he didn't want to commit to anything too big just yet.

Personally, he loved his house, and couldn't ask for anything more.

James followed him into the kitchen, where Regulus poured them both a glass of water and placed them on the kitchen island. He wasn't entirely sure what to do with himself, or where in the house this conversation should happen. Should he be sitting down? What was he meant to do with his hands?

He settled on leaning back on the kitchen counter and crossing his arms tightly, leaving James bumbling in the middle of the room.

"Okay. Talk."

James seemed to realise they were doing this here and now, and so leaned back on the kitchen island, opposite Regulus, pretty much putting as much space in between them as possible.

James exhaled slowly, staring at his hands. "I don't know where to start, Reg. There's so much I should've told you years ago."

"Too right. God, James, I can't believe you didn't tell me." His own voice was much more strained than he realised, and he had to look away before the emotions got the better of him.

"I never wanted to keep any of it from you, but you know what they would've done. I couldn't let them destroy your life." When Regulus looked back to James, he could see a pained expression that probably matched his own. James looked desperate for his understanding.

"So you just let me do it on my own. Do you have any idea what it did to me when I thought you stopped loving me?"

"Reg." James scrubbed his hands over his face, contemplating his next move. "You know I...I couldn't-"

"No, no, you don't get to do this to me. Sirius didn't get to do this to me." Regulus was backing away now, along the counter, yet he had no idea where he was trying to get to. He just wanted to put more space between them, but James pushed himself off the island and stepped towards him, making Regulus flinch back slightly, and James looked crestfallen.

"Reg-"

"No, if you wanted to tell me something you should've said it five years ago. We could've figured it out together." His voice was hoarse.

"I thought it was the only way to keep you safe. I figured losing me was better than losing everything else. But I was wrong. I know that now."

Regulus just stared at him. James stared back, challenging him.

"Reg? Say something. Yell at me, hit me if you want, I don't really care. Please, just don't shut me out."

Regulus huffed out a breath of surprise, and before he could overthink it, he let his arms drop to his sides. His voice wavered when he finally spoke. "I'm trying to move on. I have moved on. You can't just strut back into my life and ruin all my progress."

"Have you? Or are you just trying?" James looked dangerously close to a smile. Regulus hated him.

His voice cracked. "I hate you so much." He loves him so much.

The crack in his voice was enough for the dam to break. James smiled and stepped closed, Regulus stayed where he was, but uncrossed his arms, choosing to instead grip the counter until his knuckles turned white.

"I know," James said softly, his voice too warm. "And I deserve it. I just need you to know I never stopped, Reg. Not for a second."

Regulus let out a shaky breath, almost a laugh. "You don't get to say that after five years of nothing."

"You're right. I don't. But I need to, because it's the truth." James' voice cracked now, and that was almost worse than his smile. "I let your mother scare me and it made me ruin the best thing I've ever had, and I'll never forgive myself for that."

Regulus' grip on the counter tightened until it hurt. His chest felt like it was caving in. He wanted to scream, or hit him, or kiss him. Maybe all three.

"Do you know," he said finally, his voice low and trembling, "how many nights I stayed up wondering why I wasn't enough for you?"

James flinched, his jaw tightening. "You were always enough. You were everything. I was the one who wasn't strong enough."

Regulus stared at him, silent for a moment, then let go of the counter like it was burning him. His arms fell limply to his sides.

"Then you'd better be strong enough now." he muttered.

The smile that stretched across James following that was stupidly bright as he cocked his head to the side in a familiar, infuriating way.

"So...what is now?"

He almost smiled in disbelief, because of course James Potter would ask that after just being yelled at by someone who's hated him for years.

"I... I don't know. I don't want to rush into anything, can we just...take it slow?" He swore he could feel his heart thudding against his ribs, and the stupid sunlight from James' signature smile was creeping under his skin.

Unbelievably, said smile got even brighter, colour flooded into James' cheeks and he ran a hand through his hair as if in dizzy disbelief. It was endearing, how he seemed to spin around in pure bliss similar to that of a child at Christmas, before coming back to reality and looking at Regulus like he hung the moon and the stars.

"Stop looking at me like that." He snapped, looking James up and down accusingly.

"Like what?"

Regulus was beginning to squirm under his gaze. "Like that, like I'm seventeen again." He'd always hated how James could unravel him with a single look.

James was grinning, teasing. "I don't know what you expect from me Regulus, this is just my face."

"Well- change it. Or-well. Don't, I like it, but stop." Fuck. He did not mean to say that. Ten minutes in the same room as him and he'd dissolved into a stupid, stuttering, lovesick mess.

A surprised cackle slipped past James' lips, as he gaped at him.

"You like my face, huh?"

"Okay, nope, shut up now. Help me set up for the others." Regulus groaned and briskly turned his back to James and walked into the sitting room, trying to ignore the lack of tightness in his chest that had been there so long he had forgotten to notice it.

James did, of course, do nothing to help him, he just took his place on the couch and smiled as he watched him move about gathering his music demos, drinks, snacks and perhaps a few tissues. He was watching as if he was the most fascinating thing in the world. It was insufferable- he could feel the warmth of his gaze on his back the entire time, unbearable and only a little bit wonderful.

It wasn't look until the doorbell rang once again, and Regulus was struck with a similar set of nerves to what he felt earlier. These people were going to be in his house, listening to his most emotionally vulnerable music, and he was supposed to just be alright with that because that's what friends do.

Of course, he's had friends since school, but never once again did he have as big a friend group.

The first to arrive were Remus and Sirius, which gave Regulus a temporary rush of relief as this meant his friends were never to know about James being here alone, but this was dashed to pieces when he realised he'd have to explain themselves to Sirius.

Sirius, who was stood in the doorway to his living room, mid speech about how nice his house was, but mouth half agape as he saw who was already on the couch.

"Um...hey guys?" James offered a small wave, and Regulus could see Remus grinning behind Sirius, as if not at all surprised this was happening.

"What...how are you here? What is happening? Explain yourselves, now." Sirius looked expectantly between the two of them, and Regulus rolled his eyes at the immaturity.

"We're doing what you told me to do. Remember, just yesterday, in fact? You said, and quote, 'talking is probably a start.'"

Sirius took slow steps further into the room, still eyeing them both up in confusion. "What, and you just...talked? Like that? And it...went well?"

"God, is it that hard to believe?" Regulus replied.

"Well...kind of. This whole week has just been kind of crazy, forgive me if I need a minute to catch up." Sirius held up a hand dramatically, before flopping down on the sofa beside James, pulling Remus with him. "Anyway, I'm so excited to hear your stuff."

"Mm, well, let's hope you stay that way throughout," Sirius gave him a questioning look, but the doorbell rang and Regulus stalked off to answer it before he could elaborate, other than, "There's plenty of tissues on the table!" He heard both his brother and James squawk a 'what?!'.

Evan, Barty, Dorcas and Pandora arrived next, coming along for the party even though they've all heard most of the songs already. Soon enough, Peter, Mary, Lily and Marlene were crowding through the house, and the entire gang were sat cosily around coffee table, in various couches, arm chairs and bean bags, squeezed in tight so they could all fit.

"Okay. Um, well, how do I introduce this? I've never done a listening party before." Regulus scratched his head and felt the sudden pressure and nerves at the fact that he was going to be playing them his music any second.

"Just tell us about the album, and stuff, please? I want to know." Sirius reached out and patted him on the knee.

"Yeah, speech!" Marlene cheered at him, and relieved his nerves a little.

"Okay, okay. Well, um, it's called Exit Wounds, and it's kind of just everything I've wanted to say but couldn't until I was out of contract with our parents. It's a little depressing but... there's some fun ones, I guess." He shrugged, and a few people groaned.

"God, I'm definitely going to cry, aren't I?" Lily moaned from beside Mary, and Regulus grinned.

"Not my fault if you do! There's plenty of tissues, don't worry."

Peter smiled. "Oh good, you predicted us crying, that's how bad it's going to be."

He shook his head and brushed off their comments. It was now or never, so he pushed in his demo CD into his speakers.

They eased into it, as track one was Back to Friends, which everyone has already heard. A few of them danced along to the chorus, some new the words.

Track two: Undressed. James and Sirius may have heard this at one of his shows, but he wasn't sure how many of the others had. Regulus sat on the end of the sofa and stared at his hands to avoid seeing anyone else's reactions.

"You looked to me and wondered whether
I was the lamppost to which you were tethered
I'm looking at you, and you're looking at me
But the glimmer in your eyes is saying you wanna leave."

Undressed was written pretty early on in his career, and, to summarise, was primarily about how he'd felt about James leaving him, but there were notes of Sirius in there too.

"I don't wanna get undressed
For a new person all over again
I don't wanna kiss someone else's neck
And have to pretend it's yours instead"

James was quiet. He was painfully still, but Regulus could feel the way his presence shifted, could sense that he wasn't breathing quite right. Regulus didn't look at him. Couldn't.

"You say you don't mean what you're saying to me
But the glimmer in your eyes is telling me other things."

Now that line was ironic, especially after the latest events.

"And I don't wanna learn another scent
I don't want the children of another woman
To have the eyes of the man that I won't forget
I won't forget."

The room was silent. Too silent, it was unnerving for Regulus as he peeked a look at some reactions. Lily was hugging a cushion close to her chest, staring at the floor as she listened. Pandora was leaning on Evan's shoulder, who was leaning on Barty's, and Remus had pulled Sirius in tight to his chest.

"I don't wanna get undressed
For a new person all over again."

And that was only track one.

"Regulus, that was so good!" Mary cheered, and the others followed suit with similar compliments.

Track three started before they could converse too much about the song, and everyone else fell silent and focused on listening to the music. Regulus took his chances and snuck a look at James, who was looking right back at him, pained look in his eyes. He was biting his lips again, guiltily.

Track three, Miss you, had already been played for everyone at his show last night, and the synth-pop tune lifted the depressing atmosphere and made them all feel a little lighter. The girls danced their heads along to the beat, and some of the boys nodded along too.

Track four: I know the end, was a very different vibe, as it's a slow, soft, emotionally vulnerable song

"When I get back I'll lay around
Then I'll get up and lay back down
Romanticize a quiet life
There's no place like my room."

"But you had to go
I know, I know, I know
Like a wave that crashed and melted on the shore
Not even the burnouts are out here anymore."

"Out in the park, we watch the sunset
Talking on a rusty swing set
After a while you went quiet and I got mean
I'm always pushing you away from me
But you come back with gravity
And when I call, you come home
A bird in your teeth."
"So I gotta go
I know, I know, I know."

"Windows down, scream along
To some America First rap, country song
A slaughterhouse, an outlet mall
Slot machines, fear of God."
"Windows down, heater on
Big bolts of lightning hanging low
Over the coast, everyone's convinced
It's a government drone or an alien spaceship
Either way, we're not alone."

"I'll find a new place to be from
A haunted house with a picket fence
To float around and ghost my friends
No, I'm not afraid to disappear
The billboard said, "The end is near"
I turned around, there was nothing there
Yeah, I guess the end is here
The end is here

The end is here."

It was as if everyone in the room had been transported five years back, to their end. When their group split in two, devastated and left crumbling to dust, for them to rebuild as separate entities.

Lily and Mary's eyes were glazed over, and Sirius and James were dangerously close to the same fate. Marlene forced out a pained puff of air, and Regulus himself couldn't help but crack a sly smile at the others, trying to both tease them and lighten the atmosphere.

Peter even sniffed a little, before speaking up, "Regulus, you're too powerful with music, you shouldn't be allowed to write something so devastatingly beautiful." Regulus couldn't help but let out a little surprised laugh at that.

"Too right, we've been trying to say that for years." Barty complained, but he was sporting a soft smile.

"Sorry guys!" Course, he wasn't sorry one bit.

Track five: Is it over now?

"Once the flight had flown,
With the wilt of the rose,
I slept all alone,
You still wouldn't go."

"You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor
You search in every maiden's bed for something greater."
"Baby, was it over
When she laid down on your couch?
Was it over when he unbuttoned my blouse?
"Come here, " I whispered in your ear
In your dream as you passed out, baby
Was it over then?
And is it over now?"

"And did you think I didn't see you?
There were flashing lights
At least I had the decency
To keep my nights out of sight
Only rumours 'bout my hips and thighs
And my whispered sighs."

Mary exchanged a look with Marlene that said this is more awkward than I expected.

"Oh, Lord, I think about
Jumping off of very tall somethings
Just to see you come running
And say the one thing I've been wanting, but no."

Lily raised an eyebrow, inhaling sharply at the choice of words. Regulus hoped he hadn't been too vulnerable.

"If she's got blue eyes, I will surmise that you'll probably date her (no)
You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor
You search in every model's bed for something greater."

"I was hoping you'd be there
And say the one thing (oh, Lord)
I've been wanting (oh, Lord)
But no"

"Well that was fun!" Barty declared, cheerily, as the song rolled out. Evan snorted into his shoulder, and a few others cracked a smile.

James, who had been staring at the floor for the entirety of the song, finally looked up, expression unreadable.

Regulus was enjoying the fact that there was far too little time between songs for them to discuss each in detail, and hoped they would forget all their thoughts by the end.

Track six was a slight reprieve from all the angsty songs, as 'I'm Fine' was about his friendship with Pandora, mostly, with hints of Barty, Evan and Dorcas in there too.

"Woke up too early
Almost put salt in my coffee
Oh, I thank God that you stopped me before that."

Pandora herself recognised the opening notes of the song and smiled softly at him from her spot on Evan.

"Tripped over something
Spilt it all over your front seat
Didn't even say I'm sorry about that."
"On and on, it's just more of the same
And even when you ask if I'm okay
I try to say I'm fine, I'm fine,
You don't,
Believe me,
When I say I'm alright,
You know,
I need you when I try to say I'm fine."

Regulus loved this song as it expressed the nature of his friendships, how much he depends on the people who have helped him make it through the worst years of his life alive. It was somewhat of a thank you note to his favourite people.

"I can hide from everyone else
And they won't bat an eye
No, they never can tell
When I'm falling apart on the inside
It gets so hard
Keeping it up
Keep your eyes down
Keep your chin up
We all need someone there for us sometimes."

As he listens, he recalls the numerous times he's been peeled off his kitchen floor by Pandora. The times Evan has guided him through his panic attacks. How Dorcas has always threatened to hurt people she was once friends with, for him. How Barty has always openly cared, regardless of his tough-guy image.

"On and on, it's just more of the same
I get so lonely everyday
Until you ask if I'm okay."

"I try to say I'm fine (I'm fine)
You don't (you don't)
Believe (believe me)
When I say I'm alright (alright)
You know (you know)
I need you when I try to say I'm fine (I'm fine)
You know (you know)
It's just (because I)
Can't admit when I'm sad (I'm sad)
But thank God (you know)
I need you when I try to say I'm fine."

Lily grinned, "Well, that was actually really cute."

Barty snorted, "For once."

"Oh, shove off. I have happy songs." Regulus pretended to be annoyed, but couldn't hide the smile tugging on the corners of his mouth.

"No, actually, I don't think you do. I actually think this is the only one." Dorcas realised, starting to laugh at the fact. Regulus thought about it for a second, listing out the songs on his new album and his old EP's, before realising she was right.

He burst into laughter, a few of the others joining in, not laughing at his expense but at the sheer dramatics of his music.

Evan was cackling now. "This one's not even happy, either. It's about you being depressed but us pulling you out of it. The tone makes it seem happier than it is."

This is what Regulus needed. His good, strong group of friends back, people to laugh about his music and support him and push him to be his best. He's loved having the support of Evan, Dorcas, Barty and Pandora, but for years, their group hasn't felt whole. God, he hoped this would last.

On that note, 'Wrong Side of Myself' started playing through the speakers.

"No, don't put on a front door show
So the stage has been set
But just don't let it get into your bed
I know your sleepy head is on fire."

"I've burned up all my bridges
I keep pissing off my friends
I wonder how much longer
They'll put up with all my shit."

"Aw, we love putting up with your shit, Reggie." Barty was half smiling, teasing, but Regulus could see sympathy behind those eyes, maybe for everything he knows Regulus has gone through.

"But baby, I just keep driving me crazy
Everyone's trying to save me
They're all on my side but
I'm on the wrong side of myself."

"And lately, I've been on a losing streak
Maybe you should stop trying to save me
You're right by my side but
I'm on the wrong side of myself."

Regulus wished he wasn't so hard to save. Countless times over the years had his friends tried to help him, tried to convince him to go to therapy, to speak to someone, to get help to get him away from his parents. Yet, his deep-rooted trust issues and hyper-independency issues that stemmed from his childhood were not letting him do that.

"But baby, I just keep driving me crazy
Everyone's trying to save me
They're all on my side but
I'm on the wrong side of myself."

"Gorgeous, Reg. God, I think this album is one of the best I've ever heard." Peter spoke up, smiling genuinely at him, almost making him turn red from the compliment.

An outcry of simultaneous hey!'s came as a surprise from the other side of the room, as Sirius and James were sat upright, raising an eyebrow each at Peter. Their matching expressions made them seem more brotherly than they already were. Through their outraged expressions, Regulus could spot a hint of a smile, proving that they weren't really mad. Peter just grinned at them and waved them off.

"Thanks, Peter. That's actually one of the best compliments I've ever had." Peter's expression softened at him, and he reached forward to pat his knee.

"Okay, four songs left, here we go. This one's...uh... kind of about you guys, I guess." His guests expressions morphed into one of surprise and intrigue, but no one said anything. Lily put her hand over her mouth and already looked teary before the opening notes even played, and Regulus looked at the floor to avoid watching their expressions again.

"Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumors fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me."

"Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight".
I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop
Right when I felt the moment stop
Glass shattered on the white cloth."

"Everybody moved on
I, I stayed there
Dust collected on my hair
They expected me to find somewhere
Some perspective, but I sat and stared
Right where you left me."

Right where you left me had been written about numerous things. The fact that everybody seemed to move on so fast after school finished, after their friend group burnt to bits. Those people were meant to be in his life forever, they were meant to see him get his first record deal, his first headline show, his first vinyl. Instead, only half of them were, and he spent months wondering, how, could they ever had let each other go so easily.

"You left me no, oh, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever."

"Did you ever hear about the boy who got frozen?
Time went on for everybody else, he won't know it
He's still seventeen inside his fantasy
How it was supposed to be."

"Did you hear about the boy who lives in delusion?
Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it
He's still seventeen inside his fantasy."

And of course, being the centre of that friend group for Regulus, many of the lyrics were aimed at James. The song had sat half-finished in his notebook for years, until a year ago, after the time he saw James at a party. The party that churned up all the messiest and most confusing feelings that he'd managed to bury deep inside him, the one that made him realise: James was it for him. There was nobody else. Of course, once Regulus realised this, he ignored it and tried to bury that too, but ever since the Grammy's, it had been getting harder and harder.

"I'm sure that you got a wife out there
Kids and Christmas, but I'm unaware
'Cause I'm right where
I cause no harm, mind my business
If our love died young, I can't bear witness
And it's been so long
But if you ever think you got it wrong
I'm right where you left me."

"You left me no, oh, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever
You left me
You left me no, oh, you left me no
You left me no choice but to stay here forever."

Regulus finally looked up to see Lily and Mary straight ahead, Lily with her head in her hands and Mary, on her shoulder, with a hand over her mouth and tears in her eyes. He should've been worried, but all he could do while staring at the sight of his emotional friends, was burst out laughing.

He didn't mean to, but a giggle slipped past his lips, and he realised too late, slapping a hand over his mouth in apologies. The girls looked up at the sound, seemingly horrified that he found the situation in any way funny.

Looking around, Marlene, Peter, and Sirius looked similarly devastated, lips parted in surprise at Regulus' sudden change in emotion. Remus was sat there smirking, like he had the audacity, and James' face, the idiot, was stretching into a slow side smile, eyeing him up in a way that Regulus did not want to read into after that song.

"Why on earth are you laughing, Regulus Black? This is not funny!" Lily cried at him, which, in all honesty, set him off even more. Now it was his turn to have his head in his hands, trying to contain the snickers, but his shoulders were probably reversing all his progress.

Regulus looked up to reply to her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just funny how you find the songs so sad, when I wasn't even trying to be sad when I wrote them."

The girls' faces crumpled once more, and Regulus immediately knew he'd said the wrong thing to calm them. "That's even worse! That means you were just writing from your experience, which means all this sadness has been your life for five years and we weren't even here for it!"

He softened, and that, was what made him realise: he never lost these people as friends, not really. They always cared for him from afar, he always cared for them. They always looked out for him, and he always looked out for them. He had been right, at age seventeen, when he'd looked around at the people he'd known for years and seen nothing but family. This was his family.

Regulus let Lily and Mary wrap him up in a hug before moving on to the next track, and their blubbers only became worse when they realised they had to get through another three songs.

Everybody had already heard track nine, I should hate you, as he played it for his show the night before, but it was nice to hear their their thoughts on it, even if they were full of advice on making his songs happier.

Track ten. The big one. He pressed pause for a second so he could give forewarning.

"I didn't actually add this one onto the album until like... the very last minute. It felt too personal and vulnerable right up until we finalized the track list, but I kind of just said fuck it and put it on anyway."

The faces before him were visibly nervous.

"Oh God." Lily was already resting her chin in her hands to brace herself. Regulus gave her a half smile, which probably made her even more concerned.

Peter leaned forward in uncharacteristic seriousness, Marlene was squinting as if she was preparing to start a fight, and even Pandora melted a little further into Evan's shoulder. Regulus braved a look at Sirius, who was staring at him in unnerving silence, and James, who already looked emotionally destroyed enough for one day.

He inhaled deeply, looked around and clicked play, letting the silence stretch as the opening chords began to fill the room. The weight of the song could be felt just seconds into it.

"When we were young we were the ones
The kings and queens oh yeah, we ruled the world
We smoked cigarettes, man, no regrets
Wish I could relive every single word."

He didn't look away this time. Regulus kept his eyes trained on the people surrounding him, who were all so zeroed in on the song that they didn't pay notice to anything else.

"We've taken different paths
And travelled different roads
I know we'll always end up on the same one when we're old
And when you're in the trenches
And you're under fire I will cover you."

"If I was dying on my knees
You would be the one to rescue me
And if you were drowned at sea
I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe."

"I've got you brother
I've got you brother
I've got you brother
I've got you brother."

Sirius froze. His lips parted, his eyes welled up and he visibly swallowed. James was staring at him in a way that made Regulus believe he never stopped. He used to be able to read every expression James made, but somewhere along the way he lost that talent. Or, in some ways, maybe he still can, he just doesn't want to admit to what he's seen there.

"Oh brother, we'll go deeper than the ink
Beneath the skin of our tattoos
Though we don't share the same blood
You're my brother and I love you that's the truth."

Lily blew her nose loudly, tears streaming down her face, and if it hadn't been such a vulnerable moment for him he probably would've been set off laughing again. Mary and even Marlene were almost in a similar state. James' eyes were now flicking between he and Sirius as if trying to decide who he should be more worried about.

"We're living different lives
Heaven only knows
If we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes
Five years, twenty years, come back
It will always be the same."
"If I was dying on my knees
You would be the one to rescue me
And if you were drowned at sea
I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe
I've got you brother
I've got you brother."

Sirius was staring straight ahead, now, putting all his energy into listening to the lyrics, ignoring the tear tracks on his cheeks.

"And if we hit on troubled water
I'll be the one to keep you warm and safe
And we'll be carrying each other
Until we say goodbye on our dying day."

"Because I've got you brother
I've got you brother.
I've got you brother
I've got you brother."

At the closing notes, Sirius stood abruptly and striding out of the room, sniffling loudly. Remus moved to follow him, a concerned look on his face.

"Don't, I'll go." Nobody seemed strong enough to speak as Regulus followed his brother into the entryway, where he was leaning against a wall, eyes squeezed shut and hands on the back of his head.

Sirius' eyes snapped open after a second when Regulus spoke up. "Too much?" He offered a half smile, and Sirius just glared at him.

"Fuck you." He sniffled, and Regulus knew he wasn't really mad. "God, Reg-"

But before Sirius could continue, Regulus did something he hadn't done in a long time: he wrapped his arms around his brother and initiated a hug. He pressed his own head into Sirius' neck, and Sirius, immediately throwing his arms around him, buried into his shoulders.

"It's okay, I'm here now, I'm here." He tried to comfort Sirius, but his own voice was starting to crack as his tears threatened to spill over.

"I thought I'd lost you forever." Sirius whispered, barely audible.

He swallowed tightly. "You didn't, you hear me? We both needed the space to learn and grow after getting out of that place. Now we're in this together, for good." Sirius leaned back and nodded at him, wiping his eyes with his fingertips.

"You're still a little shit, you know? Writing that song...making me cry in front of everyone."

Despite the tears, he huffed out a laugh. "Oh please, they've seen you cry a hundred times before, they're used to it."

"So true. Crying is manly." Sirius stated, matter-of-factly, and Regulus nodded seriously.

After that, it only took a couple more minutes of hugging before they decided to re-join the others for the final song on the album, much to Sirius' huffing and puffing as he mumbled something about not wanting to cry again, Lily nodding in fierce agreement. Nobody seemed very phased by the entire ordeal that just happened, probably too busy processing themselves.

"Okay, well, I'm sorry if I made you cry. Um...this is the last one." Everybody settled in to listen to one more song.

Track eleven: The Exit. A song that mixed his feelings about both James and Sirius.

"February, and the flowers haven't even wilted
It's crazy how fast you tilted
The world that we were busy building.
Mid-November, and I'm sipping on a half-cold coffee
Staring at a girl who's not me
On your arm, a carbon copy."

Firstly, how it felt to watch from afar how James had appeared to move on so easily, when Regulus felt stuck, alone and left behind.

"Feels like we had matching wounds
But mine's still black and bruised
And yours is perfectly fine now
Feels like we buried alive
Something that never died
So, God, it hurt when I found out,"

For too long he thought that he was the only one hurting out of he and Sirius, the only one bearing the trauma of their past. He only realised he was wrong recently. Of course Sirius felt the same pain, he shared the same burden- Regulus only could never tell from afar.

"You love her, it's over
Do you even doubt it on your lips? (When you say it, say it?)
You love her, it's over
You already found someone to miss
While I'm still standing at the exit.
I'm still standing at the exit."

"I can't hate you for getting everything we wanted
I just thought that I would be part of it."

"Impossible to understand how you're not coming back
But I can't say it out loud."

"Feels like we had matching wounds
But mine's still black and bruised
And yours is perfectly fine
Feels like we buried alive
Something that never died
So, God, it hurt when I found out."

The song rolled out, and after a tense couple of moments of silence that Regulus spent overthinking their reactions, Lily started putting her hands together to applaud the album. Naturally, everyone else followed, and soon enough Regulus was trying to hide behind his own hands from awkwardness. He'd never been able to receive a compliment.

Luckily, the others only lightly laughed at his behaviour, patting him on the back and ruffling his hair proudly.

"Regulus, that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us." Lily was the first to speak, of course.

"She's right. That was insane, there's no other word for it." Marlene nodded at him sincerely, and he smiled softly at their continued praise.

Sirius spoke after a couple minutes of back and forth praise with the others. "Seriously Reg, this album is going to change things for you. The whole world is going to know your name, okay? They're going to see what kind of artist you are."

All Regulus could do was smile bashfully at the floor. He was overwhelmed by their response, full of gratitude to have these people back in his life.

"Thank you all, it means a lot, truly. I'm glad you could all hear it before the rest of the world."

"Dibs on number one groupie!" Barty jumped up excitedly, startling everybody out of the somber mood and into laughter. Regulus was glad for the distraction and the relief of their calculating eyes, as if they were constantly trying to make sure he was okay. He did that to himself, he supposed.

It wasn't long before his friends started leaving, one by one, after having taken up most of their afternoon between songs and chatter. They all had places to get too, Marlene to meetings for her new movie, Lily to continue working on her fashion piece she was designing for a famous Broadway show, and Peter, Evan and Barty to go catch up together over a meal. Soon enough, Regulus had said his temporary goodbyes to Sirius and his friends, after promises to make it to the rest of his LA shows, he was back where he started, alone in the house with James.

It took a moment of staring at one another before James spoke.

"Well, I should probably get going-"

"Or you could stay," The words were slipping out of his mouth before he even realised it was happening, "We could...I don't know... get takeout. I've got a fancy bottle of wine and no one to share it with?" Regulus bit his lip and cringed internally as he realised he didn't know what he was saying. He was angry at James five minutes ago and now he's inviting him for food and a drink?

The problem was only made worse when James didn't reply for a few moments, only staring at him, frozen with his lips parted and eyes wide. Regulus had to speak up before it got any worse, "Never mind, stupid idea, you probably have places to b-"

"No!" James spoke so loudly it made him jump a little. "No, I would love to stay! Please, let me buy us some food, we have a lot to catch up on, I think." His face split into a small smile, and Regulus genuinely couldn't help but smile back.

"Okay, cool." He stood there smiling for what felt like eternity, "But I'm not letting you pay for me, you're my guest."

James was ready to argue back. "Exactly, so I should pay. Please, I've probably been making you lose your appetite for five years, it's only fair." He was smiling mischievously, now, already typing orders into his phone.

"Fine. But don't choose something awful. None of your stupid pineapple on pizza."

He had the audacity to look outraged. "You're still disrespecting my pizza choices? That shit is good!"

"Nope, nope, nope!" He interrupted, laughing as he collapsed down onto the couch next to James, who was now smiling softly at him, similar to the fond look he had on his face earlier that day.

Regulus had to spring away from James before he did something he'd regret. "You're doing it again."

"What?" James only stared at him, completely oblivious.

"Looking at me funny. Stop it." James burst out laughing, loud and carefree. It reminded Regulus of the past, and it made him smile.

"I can't help my facial expressions, Regulus."

Regulus squinted at him, only pretending to be mad. "You're insufferable."

James leaned back against the couch, stretching his arms across the back cushions casually, like he used to when they were teenagers sneaking around. "And yet, you invited me to stay."

He hummed lowly. "I was being polite."

"Polite," James mocked, his voice dripping with disbelief. "Sure. That's what that was. Anyway, I've ordered, it'll be here in fifteen."

Fifteen minutes. Regulus could handle fifteen minutes. He sighed and stood up to grab the wine and some glasses, returning seconds later to his spot on the couch.

James placed his phone face down on the sofa. "So... what are your plans for when you finish your tour? Thursday's the last show, right?"

"Yup," He nodded, "Honestly, I don't know. I've got the press tour for the album, which is a few interviews here and a few in London. Once I get back to London, I'll probably stay there for a while. It's been too long since I've been home, what with most of the album being produced over here, and the tour."

James smiled, then spoke more gently than before. "Do you miss home?"

Regulus exhaled through his nose, a little harsher than he intended. He looked out of the windows and into his garden, with his fake green grass, the sun shining brightly down, the palm trees that lined the street towering into the sky. He thought back to his street in London, and how it looked when it had just stopped raining, the markets in the spring, the smell of Yorkshire tea after a long day. "Yeah, I do. All the time. I love touring, but nowhere compares to London, I think. I miss having all my friends in one place, too- it's so hard to catch up with everyone with the lives we lead." He turned back to James now. "Do you miss it? England?"

James nodded instantly, without hesitation. "Of course. My parents are still back home, and I miss them everyday. As for my friends, we hardly ever get to see each other at the same time anymore, this weekend has been the first in a while." Regulus considered this for a moment before replying.

"Do you ever wonder what life would be like if none of us ever became famous? If we had met at a normal school, not Hogwarts?"

He tilted his head back until it hit the back of the sofa. "Reg, I think about it so often, but every time I do I remind myself that if it hadn't been for music, you and Sirius might not have ever made it away from your parents. That school gave you a way out, and gave you a livelihood to help you move out as soon as you turned eighteen. Then I'm reminded of how it was all worth it."

And that, that was too much for Regulus. He took a second to just stare at James, drinking him all in for the first time in a while, with his grown out curls and genuine eyes, and it strikes him how much they've changed as people. They've matured, and they're so different, but here, next to James, he feels seventeen again- the same rush in his chest, the same twists in his stomach, the same magnetic force toward him that he'd never truly shaken.

His face softened, and James was biting his lip nervously. "James..." His voice was barely above a whisper, but they were so close that it didn't matter.

"Yeah?" He murmured back, eyes flickering across Regulus' face, as if trying to read him

Regulus' heart was pounding, and his eyes subconsciously flickered down to James' lips, before returning to his eyes, which were darting down to his own mouth.

And, oh fuck, Regulus was leaning in. For a split second he thought James was too, but-

Ding dong!

The sound of the doorbell reverberated between them, Regulus leapt out of his seat to answer the door and James startled backwards until he'd almost fallen off the couch, shoving a cushion to his chest, as if to put space between them. 

He ran a hand across his face on the way to the door, trying to gain some composure. God, he'd been so reckless and stupid, they'd made up today and he'd already fallen back under James' spell. A couple of boxes were shoved into his hands, and after Regulus gave the delivery guy a tip, he returned to the couch, while trying to figure out what food James had purchased.

The smell hit him first, as he placed them down onto the coffee table. James was smiling softly, knees to his chest, cushion back on the couch. It smelt warm, spiced and familiar in a way that made his chest swoop.

"Is this-?"

"Your favourite. Biryani. I remember how much you loved it when mum made it, you'd ask for it at least once a week that summer. She and I have spent years trying to find the perfect takeout recipe for it in LA, every time she comes over here we try a new one. This is the closest we could get to her's, it's not perfect, but it's pretty damn good."

Regulus had frozen in surprise about halfway through that speech, and now he could feel his cheeks heating up embarrassingly warm, as his face split into the widest smile he'd smiled in a long time. Of course James would remember that. Regulus always loved Effie's meals, and every time he praised them he would just tell him that her secret ingredient was love.

"You remembered." His voice was as soft as his expression. James smiled, a little lopsidedly.

"Of course I did. You'd practically lick your bowl clean every time we ate it."

"Did not," Regulus shot back instantly.

James hummed, disbelieving. "Whatever you say. Mum loved you for it, though."

They soon tucked into the piping hot curry, and Regulus let it melt on his tongue as he revelled in the taste, the taste of home. He couldn't help but moan at the flavour, closing his eyes for a second to appreciate it.

James grinned. "Good?" He asked.

"Good?! James, this is the best thing I've tasted since you left." Regulus tensed as he realised that might've been a sore subject, but James didn't seem phased.

"Tour food not really up to your standard, huh?"

"God, no. And you know I was never a good cook, my parents obviously never taught me, so I've been living off takeout, ready meals and boil in a bag for years."

Pulling a face, James responded nervously, "Then I'm glad I bought it. You'll have to come and have the real thing another time soon." He was looking down at his own food, as if he didn't want to see Regulus' reaction, who just smiled. Some could say they were moving too fast, but hell to that, they were making up lost time.

"That would be nice." James' returning smile was sweet enough to make anyone diabetic.

The next couple hours passed in a rush. After demolishing their food, the two of them talked for what felt like forever, catching up on the last few years of each others' lives, from vacations, to funny stories of when Remus and Sirius started dating, and from how Regulus escaped his parents to the time James met Taylor Swift at the VMAs two years ago.

"You just went up to her and told her you liked her shoes?!"  Was Regulus' reaction to the embarrassing story James had retold of the event, storytelling how he was under pressure to think of a reason to talk to her.

"Well, not many people can say they've had a conversation with Taylor Swift about the versatility of suede, at least."

Regulus' jaw dropped and he grabbed James' shoulder, "You did not!" He gasped in shock, entirely jealous of the man in front of him. He realised far too late that his hand was still on his shoulder, and the air had thickened, silence enveloping them like a blanket.

Regulus began to pull his hand away, but tanned fingers clamped down on it before he could. He stilled, staring at James' hand with what could only be described as pure terror, as if he had something precious cradled in his arms, and if he moved it would shatter.

It shattered a moment later. James seemed to snap back to reality, realising what he was doing with a start. He shot up off of the couch so hard Regulus nearly got whiplash, running a hand through his curls dazedly.

"Uh-I... I should go. I've got early studio stuff in the morning... yeah, and- and media stuff, so... thanks for inviting me over, Reg. It's been nice." Regulus barely had time to process what he was saying before James was walking towards the front door.

"Wait, James-" Regulus tried to chase him, "At least let me-" James was gone before Regulus could offer to walk him out.

----

Chapter Text

Thursday: early evening

"Red or green shirt?" Regulus held two silk shirts on hangers up for Pandora to decide between, for him to wear for his concert that night.

Pandora deliberated for less than a few seconds. "Definitely green, then pair it with the green eyeliner and maybe some green eyeshadow. It'll make your eyes pop, for James." She added on the end, teasing him as she had done relentlessly since he'd phoned her Sunday night.

Four days had passed since James had walked out on Regulus that evening, and he hadn't had any contact with the man since. However, tonight would be his last show of his headline tour, and everybody, including James, had promised to drop what they were doing to support him, and hopefully celebrate with him afterwards.

He'd spent most of the day praying James would be there- he just wanted to talk normally with him. Regulus spent hours that night with Pandora trying to work out what had gone wrong- things were going fine, he thought they were making progress, but James couldn't get out of there fast enough. And now he'd been avoiding him all week.

Regulus groaned at her. "Don't mention him." Then, a few seconds later, "Do you think he'll be here?"

Pandora smiled, knowingly. "Definitely. He wouldn't miss it, Reg, he's not mean." Regulus raised an eyebrow at her. "You know what I mean." She clarified.

He hummed lowly, not replying.

"Wow, you really are a mess. I haven't seen you like this about anyone since... well... James, I guess. God, I missed this version of you."

"What?! I didn't even say anything?" Regulus questioned, confused at her wistful expression.

"No, but I can tell you really want to see him tonight. What are you going to say to him?" She changed the subject slightly.

"I don't even know. I'll make it up." Pandora laughed at him, and Regulus groaned again, realising just how helpless he was.

Half an hour later, he was ready to go on stage, with ten minutes until start. Sirius had sent him a picture of their private box, ready and decked out with all of his friends and their complimentary drinks, including James, to which he breathed a sigh of relief. Pandora had left not long ago to get in a good position for her photos, so he was left to stare at the photo in peace, drinking in how good James looked and revelling in the fact that he could allow himself to find James attractive again, now he knew the truth.

Pandora wasn't wrong when she assumed he was trying to look good for James. He'd pulled out all the stops with his makeup and his jewellery, rings covering nearly every finger, and his necklaces stacked to cover where his chest could be seen through the open slit in his shirt. He was going to find out tonight, once and for all, whether there was any chance James still wanted him too.

Not long later, he was making his way into the wings, gearing himself up by jumping on the spot, ready to make the last show an exciting one for the fans.

The drum beat of his tour introduction started loudly, and the lights dimmed, causing a loud flurry of screams to reverberate across the room.

"They say I'm the spit of you..."

---

"Reg, that was amazing! Congratulations, I'm so proud of you for finishing your first ever headline tour!" Pandora barrelled into him as she reached the dressing room first, wrapping him up in her arms while he laughed excitedly at her.

"Thank you, thank you. God, I can't believe it's over already." He dropped onto a couch with Pandora beside him, her feet finding his lap. The show had been electric, the fans the best of the tour, and in the end he'd felt nothing but sadness and nostalgia that he had no more shows lined up. It would be a few days of post-tour blues, then he'd be glad for the free relaxation time and the chance to be home in London.

"I know, I'm going to miss taking photos of your beautiful face." Regulus smiled at Pandora and patted her ankles in thanks.

Before he could reply, a knock rattled the door- except no one waited for an invitation. Sirius burst in first, arms wide, grinning ear to ear.

"There he is! My baby brother, smashing Hollywood like it's nothing!" Sirius practically tackled him into the couch, Pandora squeaking in surprise as she tugged her legs out of the way.

"Sirius, I've only just sat down." Regulus groaned as he tried to shove him off.

Everyone else soon appeared behind him, rolling their eyes fondly. "He means congratulations, Regulus. It really was brilliant." Lily said, pulling Sirius off him to allow Regulus to stand up and wrap everyone who was offering into a hug.

"Yeah, best ever gig of yours mate, it was sensational." Barty slapped him on the back. He went through his thank-you's, to compliments from almost everyone in the room, which was now alive with chatter.

Regulus' eyes hovered a moment too long on James', who was still silent, watching from the back of the group. He smiled nervously as they made eye contact, and Regulus pressed his lips into a thin line, looking away swiftly.

He changed out of his sweaty clothes quickly, into a pair of black jeans, the red silk shirt he'd decided not to wear earlier, and a black vintage leather jacket. The group had planned to celebrate by going to a high-end club well known for hosting celebrities, and following that an after-party at Sirius' house. This could be the last time many of them were seeing each other, as Mary was flying to London the next day for shooting, Lily was off to New York in three days for a new client, and Regulus himself had booked a flight back to London for seven days time, after his LA press tour.

"Damn," Evan started as Regulus stepped back into the room, "The paparazzi are going to think you and Sirius are pulling off a coordinated leather jacket promotion." He gestured to Sirius, who was pulling on his own leather coat, and everyone snickered lightly.

"Alright, gang," Marlene announced grandly, slapping her hands together, "The mini-bus is waiting. We've got the champagne, we've got a club guest list with our names all over it, and if I'm not dancing on a table by midnight, we've failed."

"You'll be dancing on a table by eleven," Dorcas muttered, and Marlene shot her a sly smile. Clearly something had happened between them that Regulus had missed, he'd have to ask Dorcas about it later.

The ride was a blur of chaos, Lily trying to fix Marlene's eyeliner with the shaking hands of someone already two glasses of champagne and a shot of tequila in, and Sirius sticking his head out of the window to shout dramatically at pedestrians who looked like they'd just left Regulus' show- who stopped and stared at the bus with horror as it sped away from them, much to Sirius' delight. Regulus ended up wedged between Pandora and James, desperately trying not to notice how James' thigh brushed against his every time the car turned.

The alcohol and his happiness must've gotten the better of him, because before long he was muttering under his breath far too close to James' ear, his lips almost brushing the hairs on his cheek. He didn't miss the way James shivered at the sound of his voice, "So, why'd you ghost me?"

At least James had the decency to look embarrassed, staring at his hands in his laps as he fiddled with his ring. "Sorry." He whispered, and Regulus couldn't help but feel a flash of sympathy.

"We're talking about this later, I hope you know." James didn't reply to that, and not long later they were pulling up outside the club.

The club was the best possible celebration. Regulus and Sirius' bodyguards whisked them past the line of cameras into their roped-off section like superstars. Neon lights flickered across the dance floor, busy with glamorous people, anonymous in the low lights. The bar was busy, staff members whisked drinks across the rooms to the different booths with intensity. Within minutes, Peter somehow procured a tray of shots no one had ordered, and Marlene instantly downed two before dragging Barty off to the dance floor.

Regulus grimaced at the burn the vodka left in his throat, but it loosened something in his chest that he hadn't even realised was there. Sirius was almost immediately bouncing off the walls, begging a bemused, and apparently sober, Remus Lupin to dance with him. Remus only laughed fondly as he was dragged off into the darkness.

"Right, someone help me onto this table." Marlene announced loudly, and Regulus laughed, offering out a hand for her, which she gripped tightly as she climbed up, balancing precariously in her heeled calf-high boots, which she'd paired with a tight black mini-skirt, sheer tights, a black halter top and a burgundy leather jacket.

The combination of the lights, the music, the alcohol and the love surrounding him made Regulus feel so free, for the first time in a long time, or ever. He'd never felt this much support and happiness from an amazing group of people, and he can't help but think this is all he's needed his whole life.

"Someone's going to end up in A&E tonight." Dorcas shouted up over the noise, but she had a fond look on her face, even if she'd outright deny that.

"Well, that's the sign of a good night!" Peter bellowed happily, a half-downed drink already in his hands.

Regulus made his way to the bar to get a vodka coke, and picked up a beer for James, shoving it into his hands when he returned. James shot him a surprised look, "For me?"

"No, for the paparazzi down the street." He deadpanned, "Yes for you, Potter. Don't be an idiot." James gave him a sort of floppy, lopsided smile in return.

"Thank you." James took a long swig, his throat bobbing as he tipped it back, and Regulus tried his best to not stare shamelessly.

The lights shone on James in all the best ways, showing off his chest where he had the first three buttons of his shirt undone, a chain sitting there instead, complete with silver studs in his ears, which were, in all honesty, driving Regulus insane.

Around them, the chaos only escalated. Marlene was still on the table, Dorcas now confidently standing beside her, clearly given up on pretending to be annoyed and instead embracing the spotlight. Sirius was spinning Remus in messy circles on the dance floor, both of them laughing so loudly it carried over the pounding music. Pandora had somehow commandeered a disposable camera and was snapping photos of everyone and everything, much to Regulus' delighted laughter as she brought the camera close to his face, almost sending him blind with the flash.

He turned to James to see him staring with an expression of pure joy.

Regulus blinked at him, caught off guard. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

James just shrugged, shaking his head. "It's just nice, seeing you happy like this, letting go. It's been a while."

"Hey, I can do happy, I'm always happy." Regulus shoved his own shoulder against James'.

"Sure you can. It's just... well... every time we've been in the same room recently, you're not usually the happiest I've seen you. I've missed it."

And just like that, the air between them shifted again, heavier now. Regulus stared at him almost comically, trying not to laugh at how depressing James had just made their situation.

"Sorry, was that weird?" James had a hand over his mouth and looked genuinely nervous, and Regulus couldn't keep the laughter in any longer. He cackled, hand on his stomach as he almost bent double. James stared at him for a moment, but before long he was joining him in laughter, and they looked like a pair of idiots, giggling in the back of a club.

"Woah, woah, woah, what's all this commotion about?" Sirius came bounding over, suddenly no longer on the dance floor, slapping a hand on both of their shoulders and shoving himself between them.

"Nothing Sirius, I'm just happy, apparently." Regulus said, wiping his eyes, which had grown wet from laughter. This seemed to set James off again, as he let out a giggle.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and stared between them suspiciously. "Happy? I'd hope so, you're hanging out with me again!" He slung his arm fully around Regulus' shoulder and shouted in his ear, and Regulus could only grin and laugh more.

All in all, that's how the majority of the night sounded. Laughing, drinking, dancing and repeat. Marlene somehow hadn't broken her neck, and was now dancing dangerously close to Dorcas, almost tipping them into the not-so-friend zone. Lily had obtained two martinis and was heckling everyone in an attempt to control them, but it was clear she'd given up her responsible side a while ago.

It wasn't until around one in the morning, when everyone was already pretty pissed, that James rallied everyone up, shouting something about the after-party at Sirius' starting now. They all piled back into the mini-buses, which took them to Sirius' place then carted off again.

Sirius himself fumbled with his keys in the door, alcohol in his veins clearly reaching his motor skills, so Remus had to reach in front of him and open it, letting everybody flow into the foyer after them.

They'd barely made it inside before Sirius was blasting music through the stereo and piling drinks onto the counter, pouring anything and everything into red plastic cups like they were sixteen again. The pool lights outside glimmered appealingly, and Regulus knew they'd only need a few more drinks before it would seem like heaven to one of them.

A moment later Sirius had his shirt fully unbuttoned, and Remus was staring at his bare chest, hungrily. Lily rolled her eyes and muttered something about them being dirty, and Peter wolf-whistled loudly.

Peter had found the piano in Sirius' living room and was attempting to play it despite having the least musical ability of them all, and Evan sat on the lid, almost spilling his drink as he flailed his arms along to the music.

Regulus tried to stay at the edges for a moment, merely allowing himself to watch his friends' drunken adventures.

"Okay, fuck restraint, I'm getting in the pool." Marlene declared. Lily groaned and Sirius cackled in reply, doing nothing to stop her. She was already tugging off her jacket and boots before she'd managed to unlock the patio doors, Dorcas whooping as she followed her.

"Take your top off!" Was the last thing Regulus could hear from Dorcas as they made their ways outside, everybody else following swiftly behind in order to not miss out on the show.

Marlene had barely hit the water before Barty was cannonballing after her, followed by Evan after a resigned sigh. Before long, Dorcas had stripped off her top into just her mini-shorts and bra, diving neatly into the water to land just in front of Marlene.

The rest of them stayed dry on the loungers or the edge of the pool, watching on with delight, as Pandora snapped photos. The house was loud, and Regulus found himself slipping away back inside, to nobody's notice, to wander around in the quiet upstairs, eventually making his way onto the front balcony that overlooked Hollywood. He took in the quiet of the surrounding houses, contrasting the loud squeals he could hear echoing from the back of the house.

Before long, James was strolling out onto the balcony, because of course he was, of course he'd found him. He looked nervous, and it seemed like he was done with avoiding Regulus.

"Hiding?" He asked, leaning against the rails beside him.

Regulus hummed. "Observing."

James smiled, fiddling with the label on his beer bottle, and he opened his mouth to reply, but Regulus cut him off.

"Why did you avoid me? Tell me the truth, I'm done with either of us hiding stuff from each other." He turned his body fully towards James, who stared down at the city below, swallowing harshly.

"Reg... I just... I'm not avoiding you." He stumbled over his words, and Regulus groaned.

"James." He didn't need to say another word, because James was exhaling deeply and turning towards him.

"Regulus, you only found out the truth this week. You still need time to decide whether to forgive me or not, anything that happens now would just be me taking advantage of you. I can't do that."

Regulus had to take a minute to stare at him, because, what? A startled laugh burst out before he could stop it, and James frowned in utter confusion.

"James. You've got to be joking." Regulus' mouth was open wide, and James was entirely serious. Because of course he was, of course, after all these years, he only ever cared about protecting Regulus. Protecting him from his family, and now from himself. James Potter had always been, and always will be too good for him.

"No? Reg, I spent years hating myself for hurting you. And now you're here, and you're looking at me like that, and all I want to do is..." James' eyes flickered down to his lips helplessly, and Regulus shook his head fondly.

"You are the biggest idiot I have ever met." Regulus was insulting him, and James was opening his mouth to complain- and Regulus was pushing forwards.

He closed the gap between them in one reckless movement, ending half a decade of bitterness in a second, their mouths meeting in a desperate kiss, the years of longing crashing down all at once, setting his skin alight. Regulus fisted one hand in the collar of James' shirt, burying the other through his curls. His lips were hot and rough, turning his stomach molten with every pull, every brush of teeth.

James wrenched back suddenly, "This is bad," He gasped, "I've been restrained." Yet his hands betrayed him, sliding instinctively up Regulus' sides, and returning his lips to Regulus' exposed neck like he couldn't bear being apart from him, nipping at bare skin until a light gasp escaped him.

"James, shut up." He breathed, pulling at his hair tighter, "I forgave you last February."

James froze, pulling back once again, much to Regulus' displeasure. "What?"

Regulus only shook his head, grinning so wide it hurt. "Nothing, get back here." He tugged James' curls to bring him back into a searing kiss.

This time it was clumsy and addictive, smiling lips colliding over and over, broken only by laughter they couldn't seem to lose.

"Fuck, I've missed you." Regulus moaned, James' mouth was everywhere, peppering kisses across his face, lips, throat.

And James only answered with a low, desperate sound, like he'd been hungry for this just as long. "You drive me insane, Regulus. You always have." Before Regulus could breathe a response, James was kissing him again, fierce.

He was the one to stop first. James broke the kiss slowly, as if it hurt him to move away, his forehead pressed against Regulus' as he took deep, ragged breaths. His hands were still fisted in Regulus' shirt, but his grip had loosened, trembling.

"If I don't stop now, I never will. And we are far from sober enough to carry on with this." James breathed a few moments later.

Regulus lips curved into a teasing smirk, "To carry on with what, James?"

James huffed a laugh, "You're ridiculous." His voice was soft, and Regulus just couldn't stop feeling happy.

His smirk melted into something more honest, "I know. And you're right, I want to be able to remember this."

"Remember what, Regulus?" Regulus shoved James' shoulder at that, who just stared dazedly at him, before sighing. "So...what now?"

Regulus tilted his head, attempting to feign casualness through the hammering of his heart in his chest, "Well we should probably get back to the party before someone realises we're missing." Regulus pulled away slightly, but his hands moved to rest on James' hips, where they've always belonged.

"Right...but like- with us, I mean."

James seemed nervous, and Regulus could only reply in his softest tone, "I for one don't regret anything that just happened. And would be happy for it to happen again." James' smile was blinding, bright enough to light the darkest corners of the Earth, and the darkest corners of Regulus' mind, reaching places he had locked away long ago.

"Good," James' voice was steadier now, confident, "Because once I'm sober, Regulus Black, you're going to be so wined and dined you won't know what hit you." He pulled away at that, walking backwards away from Regulus inside, back to the party, leaving him stunned on the balcony, alone with the cool of the night.

Chapter Text

Saturday

Nine days had passed since their post-tour celebrations, and Regulus was sat in his living room, strumming his guitar, already working on new music before his first album release. He'd just finalised his calendar for the next month, after just completing a week full of interviews in LA and his flight home to London scheduled for the next afternoon, for a second week of interviews and magazine shoots. Finally, he'd been granted three weeks off to spend how he liked, and knowing him it would consist of writing from the comfort of his favourite house, listening to the rain and getting good London coffee for once.

At the end of his break was the album release, with a one-night only scheduled for New York, followed by a couple of talk shows. It was the first time he'd had such extensive promotion for his music, and he wasn't used to the responsibilities nor the fame, but it excited him.

He'd been holed up in bed all morning, coffee by his side, flipping through his notebook full of scribbles of random thoughts and lyrics, trying to piece them together into a tune.

"Your love is a threat and I'm nauseous, scares me to death, how I want it, not common sense, but I'm haunted by people who've left, so you scare me to death." He sung softly, trying to find a tune for the words that sounded right to him.

A few moments later, his phone buzzed from somewhere amongst the sheets, and he spent a good thirty seconds rummaging around to find it, finally following the bright light shining from his wallpaper.

James: what are you doing tonight?

Regulus blinked at the screen, huffing an incredulous laugh. Straight to the point, after nine days of non-contact, Regulus could only hope he was fulfilling his drunken promises. He flopped backwards, staring up at his phone as he typed.

Regulus: what is happening right now

James: nothing, answer my question :(

Regulus: nothing, probably

James: perfect, keep it free!

Regulus: why???

Regulus: James tell me what's going on

James: pick you up at 7 :) wear something nice x

Regulus' fingers hovered over the keyboard, tempted to argue back at the determinism of it all, but he bit his lip as he realised he was grinning softly despite himself, choosing instead to not reply.

For the rest of the afternoon he spent painfully long periods deliberating in front of his wardrobe on what to wear. 'Wear something nice', what does that even mean? He eventually decided on black wide-leg trousers with a matching knitted sweater, a shirt underneath in case that wasn't formal enough, or if he got too hot. He never managed to dress right for LA weather, he appeared to always be in London mindset.

By the time the doorbell rang, the sun had just started to set, spilling gold light across his living room. Regulus could feel his heart beating drastically all of a sudden, nerves kicking in. It felt as if he was sixteen again with his first crush, and yet this time around there was so much more to it than that.

James was leaning casually against the porch framing when he swung open the door. He was grinning as much as ever, hands shoved in the pockets of his smart black trousers, complete with a blue satin shirt.

"Regulus Black, I'm here for the wining and dining you were promised." He held out his hand for Regulus to take, leading him to the car. "You look lovely, Reg." He smiled softly.

"Thank you. Not too bad yourself."

"Not too bad? Is that all I'm getting?" He smirked, and rolled his eyes as they went.

"You're lucky to get that." James held the passenger door open for him and he slipped inside. The sun had set a while ago, and the sky was clear and dark, the stars peeking through small slivers of cloud.

The drive was quiet but comfortable. The city blurred past them, lights blending into streaks through the windows as James hummed along softly as Landslide by Fleetwood Mac played through the stereo. Regulus found himself watching him out of the corner of his eye, wondering how he could have ever thought he'd moved on.

When the car finally slowed, he frowned, confused at the lack of activity outside. "This isn't a restaurant."

James only smiled, stepping out and motioning for him to follow. "Not technically, no."

They were in a quiet part of the suburbs, and Regulus stared upwards to see a small rooftop terrace above a café that seemed to have closed early for them. Strings of fairy lights hung low across the space, flickering gently in the warm breeze. A table set up for two glimmered over the railings.

"You did this?" Regulus asked, eyes wide.

James shrugged, scratching the back of his neck, a little bashful now. "I thought you might prefer something quieter. Less... people, and cameras."

Regulus smiled, something warm expanding in his chest. "Thank you."

They ate slowly, talking easily: about his tour, about James' parents, about Remus and Sirius being disgustingly domestic. Regulus found himself laughing more than he expected to. Every so often, their knees brushed under the table, and neither of them moved away.

"So, what's your favourite song from my album, I'm curious." Regulus asked once they were wrapping up with their main course, looking up at James.

James looked up from his plate, fork pausing mid-air. "That's unfair," he said, smiling softly. "That's like asking a parent to pick their favourite kid."

Regulus tilted his head, eyes glinting with amusement. "I don't think mine ever had a favourite."

James coughed slightly, almost choking on his food before swallowing tightly, then huffing out a laugh. "Reg."

"What?! It's true!" Regulus laughed at James' reaction, "Just some dark humour, I suppose."

James chuckled, setting his fork down and leaning back. "Alright then. If you're forcing me to choose..." He hesitated, pretending to think, though Regulus could tell he already had one in mind. "I like Is It Over Now?" He smirked.

Regulus burst into laughter, hiding his face in his hands as he responded, "You're such an idiot."

"Why?! I love it, You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor, I always wonder who could've inspired it." James was laughing now, teasing but honest.

"Shut up, It's not about you, it's about... someone else." James laughed even harder at that.

"Damn Regulus, how many other people have you called a lying traitor?" James held a hand to his chest in mock hurt, "I thought I was special."

Regulus groaned and threw his napkin at him, though he was smiling now, "You're so annoying. You were a lying traitor."

James held his hands up in defeat, "Too right. Sorry."

"It's okay. Is that actually your favourite?" They stopped teasing now.

"Yeah, I think it's honest, and you can hear your passion. I like it when you do that in your music."

Regulus smiled softly. "Thank you."

"Now, have you even listened to any of my music?" James grinned, already knowing the answer- Regulus was far too stubborn to expose himself to anything James had written if he didn't have to. He'd been known to go to the bathroom at awards shows to miss his performances, or switch the radio off if James' voice started playing.

"Well... not really." James laughed again. The sound made Regulus want to put him in his pocket.

"I knew it."

Regulus leant forward, resting his head on his palm. "Okay, tell me. Have you written any songs about me?" He was testing the waters, giving James an opportunity.

"Well, you'll just have to listen and analyse the lyrics yourself, won't you?" Regulus shook his head, smiling despite himself.

"Look at you, trying to get those streams, aren't you?"

James grinned, "Always." They both knew Regulus would listen to his music as soon as he got home.

When the plates were cleared, James leaned back in his chair, swirling the last of his drink. "You know," he said softly, "I've missed this. Just... being with you. It's nice. Casual." He was staring into his drink nervously.

Regulus tilted his head, studying him. "James. Nothing about us has ever been casual."

He was rewarded with one of the best sights he'd seen in a while, James' glistening eyes and small, nervous smile. Different to his usual, cheeky grins, something personal and soft, only for him, something that the world had never seen.

"Yeah, I know." He replied softly. "Want to get out of here?" Regulus nodded, and James got the bill, before giving Regulus a chivalrous hand to help him up. There was no rush between them, and it was nice, and sweet.

They walked side by side, leaving the restaurant and thanking the staff as they went, their footsteps falling into rhythm. Every now and then, their hands brushed, light and accidental, but enough to send a wave of warmth throughout Regulus each time. They finally reached the car, climbing inside so James could take Regulus home. Much to his dismay, the night was coming to an end.

James was talking while driving, about something to do with the chaos of the last time he and Sirius tried to record a collab together, but Regulus wasn't really listening. He was too busy memorising the way the lights outside created shadows from curls at the nape of James' neck, the creases by his eyes when he smiled, the way his face had changed since he was young.

It wasn't long before James noticed, glancing sideways, "What?" He asked, still smiling.

"Nothing. This is nice." His voice steady even though his heart wasn't.

"I know."

Regulus breathed in deeply as they pulled into his drive, trying to make the moment last. He hoped it would. James stepped out, and Regulus was up and out before he could even lend a hand, walking up to the steps before his front door.

He turned to face James, who was looking at him with so much feeling in his eyes, it made him want to look away, though he couldn't. He never could bring himself to look away from the man before him.

"Want to come inside?" He asked, trying to sound casual and failing.

James looked hesitant, biting his lip as if he wanted nothing more, but couldn't. "I can't do that on our first date."

Regulus snorted. "This is not our first date."

James smiled, looking at his shoes before returning to Regulus' eyes, "You know what I mean. I'm not messing this up again." Regulus sighed dramatically, though his heart was going crazy at that, and he leant back into the door.

"Whatever. Can I at least get a goodnight kiss?" He looked up at James through his eyelashes, enjoying the sight of his cheeks stretching into a smile.

"I suppose that can be arranged." Before he could even roll his eyes, James leaned in and kissed him- soft and certain, nothing like the heat of the balcony. He pressed into him with warmth, a kiss of a promise of a future, not uncertainty.

When he pulled away, his forehead lingered against Regulus'.

Regulus himself spoke first, nervously, "I needed to tell you something. Well, that made it sound more serious than it is... it's not that serious, promise, I just thought you might want to know-" He was rambling and it was beginning to be embarrassing, but James gracefully cut him off.

"What is it, love?" He looked down at him with genuine concern.

"Well, I'm going to London tomorrow afternoon. For a month. Just- just so you know."

For a second, James didn't say anything, frozen in place and staring at Regulus. Then he blinked, and nodded, "Yeah, okay. That's-that's great. It'll be nice for you.

Regulus looked on in concern, "It's not like I'm leaving forever. You can come for a few days, right? I think Sirius was planning on coming back for a while."

James hesitated, and that hesitation said everything. "Yeah, no, of course. Don't worry about it, just have a good time."

Regulus forced out a laugh. Why was James acting so weird? "It's not like I'm saying goodbye forever."

"I know, I know. I just don't want to mess this up again, okay?" James was nervous, and he didn't like it. It bought him back to several messy conversations from years ago.

Regulus grew louder as he replied, "You won't, if you stop acting like you already have. I'm not some delicate thing that's going to break if you're too rough, okay? I want this, and I know you do too, so get off your perch and take what you want."

He seemed to have knocked the air out of James. His lips parted, like he wanted to argue, or correct himself and make the situation right, but nothing came. Instead, he just nodded. "Okay then. Goodnight, Reg." He kissed Regulus again, smiled softly, then promptly drove away, leaving Regulus dazed against the door, a hollow ache settling in his chest.

Chapter Text

Sunday

Regulus woke up feeling miserable, when he should be happy that he was finally going home after months of touring. His last conversation with James, however hadn't left him confident for the future. He packed his suitcase absently, wandering around his far-too-big house that felt too empty when he was alone.

His driver dropped him off at the back entrance of LAX at one o'clock that afternoon, and as he checked in for his ten-hour flight that would arrive in London at 10am the next day local time, he had a horrible feeling in his chest that he was making the wrong decision, and he was leaving something far more important behind.

And yet, something pulled him onto that plane, allowing him to sit there while it took off, staring out the window at the palm trees and houses below, a stark contrast from the sights he knew he'd see when he touched down, with London's intricate streets dampened from the early Spring showers, umbrellas lining the sight below.

The journey was long and tiring, as he rotated between trying and failing to write something, anything, sleeping, and attempting to read his book, all of which he couldn't concentrate on for longer than five minutes without his mind wandering to James. James, James, James. It had always been him to distract Regulus, the one he would always wonder about: what he was doing at that moment, where he was, who he was with.

He hated it. He hated how one person could take up all of his thoughts, his energy, his attention. And yet, he loved it. He didn't want to think about anyone else.

It was there, sat in his first class seat on a commercial flight to London Heathrow, that he realised: James was it for him. He always had been, no matter his attempts to move on. Regulus Black was destined to love James Potter for the rest of his life, and he wasn't letting this opportunity get away from him again. That stubborn longing that refused to die even after years apart, that was going to haunt him forever if he missed his chance now. The fact that everything reminded him of James: the smell of Biryani, the sound of laughter in a crowd that would always send spikes through his chest, the orange of a sunset and the commentary of the last Manchester United game on the television. Half the songs he'd ever written circled back to the same body, the same voice saying his name like it meant something.

Of course, this meant he'd have to fly back to Los Angeles again almost immediately to tell James all of this. He glanced at his ticket glowing from his phone, at the small print marking his return flight a month from now, and he almost laughed. There was no way he was waiting that long.

Monday

London was grey and drizzly, as expected, when he arrived, a familiar sight that still didn't dampen his mood. He loved the London rain, it always made a nice difference to the heat of the California sun. The city looked the same as when he left it, condensation clinging to windows, puddles forming on street corners, workers wrapped up warm in their winter coats and scarfs, topped with umbrellas.

By the time his driver pulled up outside his London townhouse in the morning, Regulus was ready to make his way inside, book a flight, then leave again, to end up right where he started yesterday. The boot popped open, and Regulus dragged his suitcase out, fumbling with his keys absentmindedly as he thanked the driver. But once he'd unlocked his gate and looked up from his hands drearily, he froze.

Because there, sitting on his doorstep with a soggy-looking coffee cup beside him and his hair damp from the rain, was James Potter.

Regulus' jaw dropped, and he blinked once, then twice, sure he was hallucinating from the jet lag- but no, James was really there. His curls were a mess, his hoodie looked two sizes too big, and his eyes, God, those eyes, were tired but bright, and locked straight on him.

"James?" He breathed out, hand slack on his suitcase. "How the hell are you here right now?"

James pushed himself up, with a small smile on his face. "Hey. I took a red-eye. Got here yesterday afternoon. I wanted to show you, this is me getting off my perch."

Regulus could only stare at him as his heart hammered in his chest, his words from Saturday flooding back to him. "You- what?"

James took one step down the stairs. "I'm "taking what I want"." He used air quotes to repeat his own words back to Regulus.

Regulus inhaled sharply as the words hung in the air. His throat felt tight, his fingers shaking as they hung uselessly at his sides.

"I got home from dinner that night," James continued, quieter now as he'd taken two more steps toward him, "And I couldn't stop thinking about you, us. About that balcony, about what you said. About how I already let you go once, and I knew I couldn't do it again." He took a step closer, he'd reached the bottom of the stairs now and they were barely a foot apart as Regulus still hadn't moved.

"I should've realised a lot earlier that I'm always going to find my way back to you. I always have."

Regulus couldn't even speak. The rain had started again, light and cold, and he barely noticed it soaking into his knitted sweater. James was standing so close now he could feel the heat radiating from him, could see the water beading on his forehead.

Regulus let out a laugh that was half a sob. "You're insane."

James smiled, soft and constant. "Maybe. But I think you love that about me."

Regulus didn't hesitate to step forwards and grab James' collar in both hands, and he kissed him like he'd been waiting his whole life to do it. It wasn't as desperate as the balcony, but more passionate than Saturday night- it was slow and deep, full of every missed chance and every word they'd never said but put into a song. He didn't even care that anybody could walk past and see them, or that his suitcase was forgotten in the rain beside him, he was just focused on James, his taste, his smell, the feel of his curls in his fingers and his warm skin against his own.

Eventually, they had to pull apart to breathe, and get out of the rain that was fast soaking their clothes. James smiled and pulled him inside, holding Regulus' hand with one of his own and Regulus' suitcase in the other.

Once they were in the dry with the front door slammed shut, Regulus could only stare softly after him.

"I was going to come back for you. I was about to book a flight back for tonight."

James laughed, throwing his head back, "Guess I beat you to it."

"Mhm, and now you're dripping all over my floor."

James just shrugged, "Well, if you wanted me out of my clothes you only had to say, Reg."

And Regulus could only throw his head back and laugh, careless and free for the first time in a while.

Later that afternoon, once they were wrapped up together under the warm sheets of his king-sized bed, Regulus head resting on James' bare heartbeat, he knew he was home. He was drifting in and out of sleep, lulled by James' smooth thumbs stroking his shoulders.

"I love you. If I hadn't made that clear." James whispered into the darkness, suddenly striking Regulus awake. His eyes fluttered open and he sat upright fast, exasperated and full of energy immediately, his heart racing.

"Hey," Regulus breathed, his voice thick with sleep and disbelief, "I wanted to say it first."

"Just another thing I beat you to, I guess." He could practically hear him smiling.

Regulus hit his chest softly, and didn't move his hand away, but still spoke, "I love you too. Always have, always will."

"You're it for me, Regulus Black, you know that? We're never going back to friends."

Chapter Text

One month later
Thursday, 23:55

"I feel sick."

Regulus was sat on James' couch in LA, five minutes away from his debut album being out for the entire world to hear. He could have chosen to do a local release, where it came out at midnight for each individual time zone, but instead he elected a global release, so the album would be available for everyone at once. That way, he could focus on the stress of fan reactions all at once, instead of throughout an entire day.

James chuckled from his spot beside him, where one arm was outstretched behind him, the other holding his beer. "You said that ten minutes ago. And an hour ago. And last night before we went to bed." 

"Still stands. What if people hate it?" He rested his head in his hands, groaning. He'd felt nervous for days now, so much so that he turned down the girls' offer to throw him a launch party on the Thursday night, in favour of sitting at home alone with James instead and having a celebration on the Friday night.

James bought his soft hands to Regulus' chin, tilting it towards him so he could look him in the eyes. "They won't. It's brilliant, just like you. The world are finally going to see you how I do: you're one of the best artists in the world, okay?" Regulus melted, smiling softly and giving him a short kiss on the lips.

"Thank you. I love you." He said, and James smiled, returning the sentiment.

"Three minutes to go now!" James exclaimed excitedly, sweet as ever as he knew how much the album meant to him. 

Regulus chose to spend his three minutes pacing the length of the room, muttering something about the music and glaring at and ignoring James who was laughing quietly from his seat, telling him to sit down.

"Hey," James said softly as the final seconds ticked down. "No matter what happens, you did it. You made something real, you waited to release it until the moment that felt truest to you. You spent years on this, and it's honest, vulnerable and beautiful. That's what counts." 

Regulus swallowed tightly, then nodded, smiling faintly at the man who always knew what to say to calm him down.

When the clock finally struck twelve, they both watched the number flick over on the phone screen. Regulus exhaled, a large sigh expelling himself, a weight lifting from his shoulders.

"It's out," he whispered. "Finally."

James reached for him without hesitation, tugging him into his arms. "Yeah," he murmured into his hair. "And people are going to love it."

Regulus smiled into his shoulder, tension finally releasing as his phone started to light up endlessly beside him with notifications, congratulations, mentions, love. He'd check it soon, but now he just wanted to savour the moment.

---

Twitter

Regulus Black Daily @regulusdaily
March 25: Regulus Black's album, Exit Wounds, is released! Everyone go stream!!! best album I've ever listened to for real

sienna is streaming exit wounds @rabxstarz
no one talk to me regulus black just dropped album of the year holy fuck

harper ! ✨💫 @youmakemefeellikeafool
right where you left me is insane regulus is such a good lyricist

honey🍯 loves regulus black @ honeypot
on wrong side of myself i just want to wrap him up and put him in my pocket

carina @ regulusnation
holy fuck guys have you listened to brother yet oh my GOD

Gossip Grid @ gossipgridnews
A new track from Regulus Black's latest album has revealed the damaged relationship between he and Sirius Black, global sensation. Until now, few even knew the two were related. Sources confirm that the brothers hadn't spoken in years, and some claim Sirius was banished from the Black household after a confrontation with their parents, Orion and Walburga Black, owners of Black Records. Both are known by fans for their toxic relationship with Regulus Black, but recent news has uncovered their connections with Sirius. 
Read more here.

----

November 7th

Here he was again, on the couch in his London home, Sirius on one side with Remus perched half on his lap, James on the other. Dorcas and Marlene were practically on top of each other on the armchair, Mary and Lily on the floor by their feet. Barty, Evan and Peter were on the floor in front of the couch. The room was dead silent, everyone was staring at the television, shoulders hunched with tension. Regulus' heartbeat was drowning out any sound, as it pounded through his ears.

"The nominees for album of the year are..."

"Come on." Sirius muttered into his clasped hands. 

It felt as if it took years for the Grammy's official livestream to list off the albums it deemed the best of that year, until they reached the only thing he wanted to hear. 

"...Exit Wounds by Regulus Black."

Then the room exploded.

Sirius was the first to move- he shot up from the couch, encouraging a yelp from Remus, and screamed a loud "YES! You did it!" He pulled Regulus up and engulfed him in his arms, while simultaneously jumping up and down, in circles.

"Reg, holy shit!" Barty screamed, throwing his arms into the air. Marlene and Dorcas were both shrieking, Mary and Lily were clutching each other like it was their nomination. Peter was on his feet, clapping and cheering.

And once Sirius finally let him go, he was free to go to James, who was grinning at him with glassy eyes. He pulled Regulus into his chest, hard. He relaxed into it, and breathed James in, laughing breathlessly.

"You did it, sweetheart." James pressed a kiss into his hair. 

"I did it. I got nominated for a Grammy." He murmured to the rest of the group, once he'd pulled away.

"Three, in fact! God, can you believe it? Album of the year, song of the year and best new artist, you're insane Regulus!" Marlene had her hands in her hair, dangerously emotional as she pulled him into a hug, like the big sister figure she was..

He looked around at the people surrounding him, grateful. The past few months they'd spent together meant it was easy to feel like they'd never been apart, and Regulus wanted to keep remembering it that way.