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Gangle had never really experienced much of any sort of relationship when she was human; at least from what she could remember. Sure, there were numerous crushes and people she longed to be friends with, but she was always watching from a distance. It was rare for someone to actually want to talk to her, not even her parents seemed to like her much. They thought her drawings were silly and pointless. Gangle knew they wanted what was best for her, to succeed in life, but it hadn’t felt like what she wanted, it was what they wanted.
She worked at a local McDonald’s for a few years, being promoted to the shift manager. It gave her something to do, and it brought money in to help pay for her community college. Though, she didn’t last long in her classes. The more her parents pushed her to stop pursuing her art, and the more the loneliness crept up on her, she stopped attending altogether. Her co-workers were less than fond of her, she had a strong work ethic, she wanted to encourage everyone to get everything done in a timely fashion, she didn’t understand why they complained about her behind her back constantly.
So, there she was, at a dead-end job, given completely up on her dreams, and not a soul in her life that enjoyed her company. Gangle had nothing. No matter how much she masked, how much she unmasked, how much she tried to comply with what others wanted from her, nothing was ever enough. One day she packed a small bag, left a note, and left home in the middle of the night. The bag contained pills, a rope, and…
Gangle blinked awake, her weightless, ribbon body felt like there were thousands of stones holding her down. Despite not even needing sleep in this digital world, she still felt groggy and sore from her restless night. Why bother even getting up each day? Even after all this time she’s been trapped, she still had truly nothing to live for here. Why did she put that damned headset on? Why didn’t she just…
“Gangle?” A knock on the door startled her slightly, and she heard the familiar raspy voice of Zooble.
The ribboned girl saw herself noticeably flush in the mirror nearby, and she scrambled to find her comedy mask. She looked like a mess, or at least, her current face did. Tears streaming down the white porcelain, and eye bags more than prominent. Why did she even have the ability to have those?
Gangle let out a low groan before placing the fragile mask over her current one. She felt her mood slightly elevate, and she looked less pathetic than she usually did. She tried to stand as tall as her body would let her, putting on a brave face for what would come for today. Though she definitely wasn’t confident that she’d have her comedy mask for long, Jax somehow found new ways to break it everyday. The purple rabbit hadn’t been out of his room much lately. While he did constantly torment her, she was still a bit concerned about him. Despite their differences, everyone here in the circus still cared for each other in their own ways. All they had were each other, and losing others to abstraction was all the more heartbreaking each time.
“I didn’t see you at today’s meeting, I was kinda worried. Caine is apparently letting us take a breather today, so no adventure. He's got something he's cooking up, but I can't say I'm thrilled to find out." Zooble scratched the back of their head with one of their various arms.
A pause.
“Comedy mask day today?” The convoluted avatar had a look of sympathy in her eyes.
“Yeah…” Was all Gangle could say, staring at the ground.
“I get it, we all have our up and down days.” Zooble nodded. “Yesterday was pretty fun, huh?”
Gangle recalled the rather dangerous adventure from yesterday, Caine quite literally just gave them all guns and let them do whatever they wanted. She remembered the brief heart-to-heart she had with her friend, Zooble’s word’s still stuck in her mind. Gangle wanted to love herself, but that would be a process that would take… god, she didn’t even know how long. She couldn’t recall a time in the circus or when she was a human where she did actually like who she was.
“Yeah.” Gangle felt like a moron, was that really all she could come up with as a reply?!
“Are you doing alright?” Zooble turned to her, stopping both of them in the long hallway.
Gangle stared at them for a few long moments, trying to think of something to say to reassure them. She had nothing though, nothing was ok about her, and she had nothing left in her to even attempt to mask all of the emotions that were swirling around inside her.
“I’m sorry,” A reflex. “I had a dream about my old life, I just… I can’t…”
“Hey, hey! It’s ok, I get it. You’re allowed to have feelings, y’know.” Zooble put a hand on her… shoulder?
“I don’t know what happened. I felt so happy yesterday, even without my stupid comedy mask. Now I’m all depressed again. Will I only ever feel actual joy in small bursts like that?” Gangle leaned against the nearby wall, slowly sinking to the floor with her ribbon hands over her face.
“Well, your mental health can’t be fixed overnight. But that’s still progress. You felt like yourself without having to hide behind a mask, when was the last time you felt that?” Zooble offered, taking a place next to her.
Gangle took another moment to collect herself, taking off her comedy mask to reveal the hot tears spilling uncontrollably from her eyes.
“How do you do it?” Gangle looked up at them.
“...Do what?” They looked a bit dumbfounded as they raised one of their eyebrows.
“Be yourself. Just be normal. I can’t even get through one hour without having to hide everything away!” Gangle sobbed.
Zooble was silent for a beat, before turning their gaze away from her.
“I don’t really know.” Their voice was a whisper. “I ended up here for a reason too, I had many issues with myself that I didn’t know how to address.”
“It’s almost hard to believe that. You carry yourself with so much confidence. I couldn’t even dream of being like you.” Gangle sighed, curling into herself.
Zooble scooted closer, resting their head on hers in hopes to comfort her. Silence enveloped them for what felt like years until the mixed parts spoke up again.
“I try not to remember much from when I was still in the real world, I don’t care to think about it, I try to suppress as much of it as I can. I assume that’s why I’m just so angry all the time.” Zooble explained. “I could never find anything in my life that felt right. My body always felt wrong, my career, my name… everything. I was never happy with myself. I must’ve had at least fifteen jobs, and I was only twenty-two at the time I arrived here. I just wanted to escape from it all, I didn’t know how to fix myself, no matter what I did, nothing felt right. I don’t remember how I got here, but I’m still living the same life I was before. I spend so much time in my room trying to find parts that feel like me.”
Gangle stared at Zooble, shocked to learn this information. They had always seemed so sure of themselves, not in an egotistical way like Jax, but they had a grip on their own emotions. She gently took one of their crab claws in her ribbon. Gangle could only imagine how difficult it must’ve been to live like that, not liking any part of yourself. Er, well, she also lived that life, but that had been from the influence of other people.
“Were you bullied or put down by others because of your appearance?” Gangle asked softly.
“No, I mean, my parents were generally supportive of me, and the few friends that stayed around tried their best to understand. I was just so angry then, and I still am now. I’ve always been trapped with a version of myself I hate.” Zooble shrugged, their face seemed a bit darker now that Gangle had their hand.
“I had nobody in my life.” Gangle fidgeted with a loose strand on the carpeted floor with her free ribbon. “Nobody believed in me, nobody liked me, and nobody supported what I wanted. Putting up the mask was the only way I could make others want to be around me, and even then… it still meant nothing.”
“I like you.” Zooble nudged them. “Your art is great, and I always love hearing you talk about your interests. It’s endearing to see someone so passionate about something.”
“Are you kidding? I could never be as cool as you.” Gangle couldn’t help her smile as she teasingly swatted them away. “I think you're my first ever real friend.”
“I’m honored.” Zooble stood up, bowing to her with a wink.
Gangle noticed that they didn’t let go of her hand, she could feel herself getting flustered all over again, but perhaps this time, she didn’t have to hide it.
“I feel happy when I’m around you.” Gangle placed her free hand with the other on Zooble’s. “I can be myself without the fear of being alone again.”
“You never have to pretend to be someone else around me, I like you for who you are, not for what I want you to be.” Gangle couldn’t see their smile due to the lack of a mouth on their avatar, but she could easily picture it.
Gangle smiled like a fool, her ribbon feet pacing excitedly beneath her. Her contentment only grew when she saw that Zooble didn’t flinch away from her quirks, they never did. The ribbon girl wrapped her arms around their bean-shaped body, practically vibrating with joy. Zooble seemed surprised by the sudden contact, but they didn’t break away, in fact, after a few seconds, they returned the hug. Their touch was gentle, yet fierce at the same time. Gangle had never been held with such care by anyone in her life. She had never been shown such care either, she truly didn’t think she would've survived this long in this hell-hole of saturated colors without them. The smile that spread across her mask was genuine, perhaps she didn’t need her comedy mask to feel anything.
Gangle wasn’t sure if she would be freed from the restraints of her mask anytime soon, but with Zooble by her side, it seemed more plausible. It would take time, and many baby steps, but a newfound confidence in herself washed over her. Whether this was one of those small bursts of joy or not, it felt right, and it renewed an unfamiliar vigor within her. Perhaps all she needed was someone to believe in her, someone who actually liked having her around. It was a strange thing to think about, was companionship really the cure for her? Gangle had seen many others improve with the company of their peers. She found herself watching others very often, yearning for connection, hoping that someday, there would be someone who would give her even the slightest passing glance that wasn’t filled with malice.
Zooble was that person for her. They didn’t actively seek to bring her down for being her authentic self, they just wanted her for her. It was a new feeling, but not an unwelcome one, far from that.
“Can I kiss you?” Zooble’s voice cracked as they blurted that out.
Gangle noticeably jolted, breaking away to stare at them with a blush covering her face. Zooble’s pupils were dilated at her, they usually always were, and she could see the cartoony sweat droplets dripping down their triangle-shaped head. Nobody had ever even wanted to look at her, let alone even pursue her romantically. She stood open mouthed and stunned, her mind couldn’t come up with a comprehensible answer at the moment.
“Sorry! That was… ugh, that was stupid.” Zooble gripped the sides of their head and turned away.
“No!” Gangle practically screamed, catching the attention of the mis-matched character.
She stood staring at them for a few more moments.
“Yes, you absolutely may!” Gangle fidgeted with her hands, unable to hide her enthusiasm. “Er… I’ve never kissed anyone before, I’m sorry if I’m inexperienced.”
Zooble stared wide-eyed at the ribbon girl before leaning in, placing their crab claw and three-fingered yellow hand on either side of her mask delicately. Even with Zooble’s lack of mouth, and Gangle’s more two-dimensional face, the kiss felt real. Gangle smiled into it. She guessed you could call her a bit of a hopeless romantic, the only knowledge she possessed of romance was from the shows or manga she consumed. Even with all of that, she never really understood what the big hype around finding your special someone was. She had been perfectly fine just shipping characters to herself. Now though… Now that she finally had it, it all made so much sense. She thought she’d have to be content with watching everything from afar for the rest of her life, but Zooble was the connection she needed. Getting to know them was the one light in their life keeping them going over the last… however long they’d been trapped here together. At least a few years.
It was odd at first, letting someone in, and having someone actually want to let themselves in, but Gangle felt over the past year-ish, they’d grown significantly closer. Could she even go as far to say she loved Zooble? Perhaps…
As Zooble broke away, she already missed the contact with them.
“I’m… actually really happy you’re my first kiss.” Gangle tapped her two ribbon hands together, feeling a bit shy.
“I’m glad.” Zooble held her hand again. “You’re not my first. I definitely got around a bit when I was still alive, but none of them were meaningful. You almost feel like my first actual kiss.”
Gangle would need to start hanging out in the freezer if Zooble kept flattering her like this. She flapped her free hand erratically as she flushed again.
“What are we now? Like, partners?” Gangle asked timidly. “I’m, uh… I wasn’t really sure…”
“I’d like that, if you’re ok with it?” Zooble blinked down at her. “I think I’ve sorta had a bit of a thing for you for a while.”
Gangle nodded rapidly, beyond delighted. She felt a wave of euphoria wash over her as they both walked hand-in-hand, her dream from last night nearly forgotten. With Zooble by her side, she felt as if she could take on anything. All of their little moments up to now, despite her intruding thoughts, having them in her life made it better. She felt like true happiness could one day be attainable for her, and perhaps it could be found with the help of the one who meant the most to her.
“I’ve never felt this way before.” Gangle swung their arms lightly back and forth. “I don’t know what I’d do if you were never here.”
“Same honestly. I like myself better when I’m around you.” Zooble couldn’t actually smile, but if they could, it would be from metaphorical ear to metaphorical ear. “Though, Jax may be a problem.”
“It’s worth it. Besides, I’ve put up with him for this long, I suppose a little more won’t kill me.” Gangle chuckled, fiddling with one of the ribbons on her chest.
“I won’t let him do anything else to you ever again.” Zooble promised. “And remember, you have to choose to love yourself, the parts you don’t like, and the parts you do like. Self-love is one of the biggest steps you can take to get better.”
“I’ll try my best.” Gangle said sheepishly, it wouldn't be easy.
“I believe in you, and I’ll be here every step of the way.” Zooble tapped the side of their face to hers in another mock kiss, sending another jolt of elation through her body.
Gangle could get used to that idea.