Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A large hand grabs Solar’s grey turtleneck, rough fingers applying pressure on his neck. His sharp, unkept nails dug into the fabric, tearing through the woolen seams. 

He dangled above the taller man, paralyzed. 

“So this is where you’ve been hiding my assets. In a weak little human body?” Retak'ka scoffs, offended. “You think that your vessel is capable of storing the power of Gamma? Perhaps a mere brat like you is foolish enough to think so.” He laughs.

Solar can’t find it in himself to look Retak'ka in the eyes. His lungs felt like they’ve shrunken in size, sharp thorns grew into his vocal cords and clawed at the walls, there’s a heavy pounding behind his eyes, and his stomach was curling in on itself. 

He wants to throw up.

“My Gamma energy…I missed having the ability to reach my full potential. At least taking it back won’t be much of a problem now. I was dreading having to break into some sort of protected location. Looks like they just gave it to a random kid. Thanks for making this easier for me.”

Darkness seems to seep out of every inch of the older man’s being; his eyes looked devilish. He flashed a large, toothy grin at the light element, snarling his sharp fangs at him. “Hope you had fun playing hero kid, but now it’s time to take back what’s mine…”

Solar opened his mouth, choking on oxygen. 

He looked over to the other elements; the thorns seemed to tighten around his neck as he tried to say something. 

Anything.

“...Ruh...Run—”

“Gamma drain!” Retak'ka screamed with a harsh growl, his eyes lighting up in satisfaction. He felt his body warm up; the wonderful, sweet feeling of having his power back fuelled every inch of his being. Felt like taking a huge shot of serotonin.

Meanwhile, Solar felt a jolt of pain shoot up his spine.

Retak'ka’s hand felt like a noose around his neck.

Snap.

His spinal cord bends in on itself, breaking. Leaving his arms and legs immobilized. 

The sound waves of a loud shriek pierce through his ears, but he couldn’t register what it was due to the ringing echoing in his head. 

The light element let out a choked cry; his vision started to slowly fade in and out of existence. He felt his body become numb, his skin turned into a sickly pale color, and the spark in his once bright eyes faded away.

The flesh of his chest is torn open by force. His ribs cracked open one by one, making it easier for his energy to escape him. The thumping of his heart stops, but he’s still conscious. He can feel all of the agonizing torture Retak'ka’s inflicting on him. 

He wants to scream. He wants to cry. But there was nothing that he could do to release his emotions. His body was dead.

The energy running inside his body gathered at his core, flying out of the gaping gorge and heading straight into Retak'ka. 

If he were fully human, blood would’ve been pooling beneath his feet. Even amidst death, he’s reminded of his lack of humanity. 

Maybe he never had any to begin with.

Just borrowed that kind boy’s heart. Wrapping that kindness around himself like a warm blanket to hide away from the reality of his true self. The one that causes pain, destruction, and agony.

All the life that he had inside of him just vanished in less than a few minutes. 

Solar’s lifeless body is thrown to the ground, and it withers away into ash.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Splash!

Solar feels a wave of water fall onto his face. Soaking the bed beneath him.

The light element gasps, his body jolting upwards. He breathes heavily through his mouth, struggling to get any oxygen in his system, heaving for air, and choking on his own spit. 

His hands find themselves clawing at his chest. Nails trying to dig out a hole for air to enter his lungs. 

‘I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe—’

“Hey, man, calm down! What the fuck—” 

‘...Someone’s here.’

Solar backs away, shaking his head rapidly.

“N-No…no…get away!—” The light element coughs violently. He keeps his head down, and his body shudders at each cough. 

Each cough just wastes the efforts he made to breathe. He was taking one step forward, then two steps back. His lungs might suffocate him at this point. 

Tears prick his eyes, threatening to fall. 

He feels his bed dipping; some type of weight has settled in front of him. 

The figure grasps his quivering hands, gently cradling them and giving them a light squeeze. Solar stares at the hands, red arm warmers. No blue hands with sharp claws in sight. A tear runs down his face and plops onto their warm palms.

Whoever this was wasn’t him. He could almost let out a sigh of relief.

“Shit—Solar, what’s wrong?! Okay…uhm don’t panic! Can you take a deep breath and hold it in for me?” The voice mumbles, words jumbling together at a fast pace. 

Solar sucks in an icy breath, shutting his mouth. He shivers slightly.

“Yes! Yeah—like that! Now slowly breathe out.” They release one of his hands, opting to pat his back gently. 

He opens his mouth, letting the air flow out of him. (Albeit shakily.)

“Mhm, that’s it…repeat that a couple of more times.” They rub his back in an up-and-down motion. 

He nods, repeating the orders until the chains wrapped around his torso start to loosen up. 

“There we go, see, that was easy, right?” The voice chuckles, mostly to themselves, possibly in hope of lightening the mood. “Can you look at me?” 

Solar lifts his head, blinking away the tears fogging up his vision. He stares them up and down.

Brown hair with a white streak…one of the elements. Shit.

Instinctively, he pulls away from them. His eyes were trying to land on everything but them, roaming around the mess in his bedroom. His breathing starts to pick up, the chains hugging him back.

“Hey, why are you panicking again? Eyes up here. Calm down, you aren’t in…danger? Fuck I can’t tell what you’re thinking…you’re uhm…safe. With me and the others. Yeah!” He stammers, half talking to himself and half talking to Solar. “I don't know what's making you like this, but I’m here! Talk to me, man! You’re freaking me out!”

He feels warm palms grab his shoulder.

“Maybe I should’ve gotten Ais here…” He grumbles.

Solar looks up at the person. 

He had red eyes that faded to an orange.

“...B-Blaze?” He chokes out with a bit of struggle.

“The one and only! Can you breathe for me, buddy?”

“I am…” He tries to reply calmly, but his voice is unsteady.

“Hardly bitch, try harder! You’re pale as shit!” Blaze spits out. He grabs Solar’s hands once more and presses them against his chest. “Here, follow along my breathing or something…I’ve only seen this stuff in movies.”

Solar stifles out an odd, airy laugh. A bit amused. Maybe the lack of oxygen was getting to him. “I’m fine, ugh…” He nestles his head into the crook of Blaze’s neck, still following the advice from earlier.

“Adek, keep it up. Your breathing is almost steady.” Blaze ran a hand through the youngest's wet hair, fixing the tangles as best as he could. 

“...Stop calling me that.” He grumbles.

“It’s rare for you to get touchy like this.” Blaze wraps his arms around Solar, pulling him into a warm hug. “What’s with the sudden change of heart? Bad dream?”

“...No.”

“That’s a shitty lie.”

“Can you stop cursing every five minutes?... You’ll get in trouble again for that potty mouth of yours.” 

“Only if you stop trying to change the subject.” 

Solar frowns.

“You were tossing and turning around in your bed when I walked in. Looked like you were trying to fight someone. And you woke up all panicked.” Blaze points out.

Great, how was he going to wiggle himself out of this one?

He doesn’t have much experience with trying to dodge questions with Blaze. Hell, this was probably the first time he’s been in this situation. 

Getting caught having a nightmare with the other elements was fine; they understood that he didn’t want to talk about it. He was never forced to open up with them. And they probably knew what nightmare he was having anyway. It was incredibly predictable. 

He’s a bit ashamed that he still hasn’t gotten over it. Even though much time has passed.

“Just got reminded of something.” He mutters in a rushed speed, sounding a bit hazy. 

“That again?” 

“...Yeah.” He hides his face in the collar of Blaze’s shirt.

“You know, you can talk to any of us. You’ve been having nightmares nearly every day, right?”

“How do you know that?”

“You’re a night owl who’s somehow also an early bird. We haven’t been seeing you up and early with a project in mind. You’ve been sleeping in more recently. And missing breakfast. I had a feeling that you were getting depressed or something similar to that, basically just having an awful time.” He explains, speaking rather gently with a quiet voice, a stark contrast to his usual loud self. 

“When did you become so observant?” He tilts his head towards the fire element.

“I dunno. Guess I just…connected the lines? You were acting like Boboiboy when I first manifested.”

Solar lifted his head. Studying Blaze’s face.

His lips were curved upwards into a smile, but he could sense some other emotion that he was hiding. The smile also didn’t seem to reach his eyes. The fire element’s eyes held a mix of emotions. Worry, sadness, and perhaps a tinge of…guilt?

‘Huh, interesting…’ He thinks to himself.

Solar wasn’t around when Blaze—or Api—first started to show up in Boboiboy’s life. He knows that Api did cause a ton of fires. Something he heard from Air and Halilintar. He only had some fragments of the story since the others weren’t that comfortable with sharing the whole story, which was understandable. It was Blaze’s story to tell, not theirs. 

“...Care to elaborate?” He asks with a bit of hesitation. 

“I’d rather not, I’m the one who’s supposed to be comforting you right now. If I told you, you’d be the one comforting me. I don’t want that.” Blaze shakes his head, giving Solar a light pat on the back.

“...Hmm.” He hums. 

“Are you feeling better now?”

“Better than before, yes.”

“Let’s head to the kitchen then, I think the others already finished breakfast…hopefully they left some food for us.” He tussles Solar’s hair fondly, cracking a smile.

“I don’t feel like eating.” 

“Nauseous?”

“A bit.”

“Ah, okay…stay here!” Blaze jumps off the bed, sprinting to Solar’s bathroom. He nearly trips over the stuff on the floor.

He wasn’t really planning on running off anyway.

If it weren’t for the wet bed, he would’ve gone back to sleep.

After a brief moment, Blaze comes back with a towel.

“Dude, your bathroom is as messy as your bedroom.” The fire element jogs over to him, draping the towel over his shoulders.

“Don’t remind me…” Solar grumbles. “Why did you dump a bucket of water on me in the first place?”

“You weren’t responding when I was trying to wake you up. I tried everything, believe it. The water bucket was my last resort!” He attempts to clarify. “Now stop moving.”

“If I catch a cold, I know who to blame.”

“Hey, don’t be like that!” Blaze wraps the towel around his head, drying his hair off a bit hastily. “How bout you put the energy into cleaning your room instead?”

“I haven’t been in the mood to clean.” 

“So you are in a depressive episode.” The teasing grin on Blaze's face quickly shifts into a worried expression. He cups Solar’s face with the towel, forcing Solar to make eye contact with him.

“I never said that. Stop making weird accusations.” He groans, trying to pry Blaze away.

“Well, you haven’t been ‘in the mood to clean’, and you haven’t been ‘in the mood’ to eat properly. Seems like a depressive episode.”

“A depressive episode isn’t just that, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

A chill goes down Solar’s spine.

“...Taufan’s making cookies in the kitchen, want to check it out?” 

“He’s baking this early?”

“Yeah, ever since he got his third-tier powers, he’s been stress baking.”

“Oh…wouldn’t he want to be left alone?”

“He gets more anxious whenever there’s any sort of space between him and anyone. The others are pretty busy, so he’s probably feeling lonely. We can accompany him if you want. It’ll take your mind off whatever caused your panic attack.”

“...” Solar pauses, thinking about it. “We really shouldn’t have cookies for breakfast.”

“A little sugar is something you need.” He bops Solar’s nose with his index finger. “Come on, don’t make me drag you out of here!”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“Solar’s depressed!” Blaze announces loudly in the kitchen, hauling a half-conscious Solar behind him. 

“Can you not?” He shot him a glare.

“Wait, what?” Taufan turns around with a tray of freshly made cookies carried in his hands. He sets it down on the counter and quickly undoes his apron. “I was wondering why you both were absent from breakfast. Especially since Gempa made fried rice.”

“What?! You guys had fried rice without me?!” He drops Solars to the ground.

“Hey! Watch it!” Solar groans, hitting his head against the kitchen floor.

The wind element hurries over to him, pulling him up. “Gee, Blaze, be careful.” He holds Solar’s head, checking around for any injuries. “...Why is your hair wet?”

“Blaze dumped water on me.”

“You were freaking me out!”

“Who the hell waterboards a person having a panic attack?!”

“You had a panic attack?!” Taufan’s eyes widen. He cups both Solar’s cheeks and gives them a firm squeeze. “Are you okay?”

“Uhuk—Upan—let go!”

“He needs a little something to get him up and going, so I brought him here!” Blaze stands proudly, grabbing a red velvet cookie and swallowing it whole. “Ah! This is hot!” He says with his mouth open, fanning it with his hand as if it’d do anything.

“Aren’t you the embodiment of fire?” Solar turns his head towards him.

“Blaze, those are still cooling! Also, why are you eating them when you came here to cheer Solar up?” Taufan lets out an amused chuckle.

“Needed to check if these were safe to eat or not.” He chugs a glass of water.

“Uh huh.” Solar rolls his eyes. 

Taufan links his hand with Solar, ushering him over to the stools in front of the counter. He grabs another tray that he had cooling off on the side. A bunch of large and thick chocolate cookies is set in front of him, decorated to look like…poop emojis?

“Interesting looking cookies…” Solar mumbles, a bit taken aback.

“Halishitar pissed me off yesterday, so I made this for him!”

“Pfft—looks like him.” Blaze giggles, both at the cookies and the pun.

“Each of them is a different flavour inside. One of them is filled with Wasabi. Stole it from Ais.” He grins.

“Woi, Upan, Hali’s the eldest, that’s disrespectful as shit. Have some respect for him. You’re evil, man. Now add chili oil to one of them.” Blaze cackles, grabbing a jar of Gempa’s homemade chili oil.

“Why didn’t I think of that? Thanks, Aze.” He takes the jar from him. 

“Are you guys trying to make him clog the toilet?” Solar stares at them. “I’m not fixing it again. You both take responsibility for that.” He raises both of his hands.

“Wanna try one?” Taufan takes a cookie, pressing it against Solar’s cheek. “Open up, here comes the airplane! Whoosh!”

“No thanks…” He gulps. 

“Oh yeah, he doesn’t feel like eating.” Blaze says with a mouthful of red velvet cookies shoved into his mouth like a chipmunk. “Something about being nauseous.”

“Hey, don’t hoard all the good cookies for yourself! Those were for Duri.” Taufan takes away the tray of sinless cookies from Blaze’s monstrous appetite. “Go eat the leftover fried rice at the dining table.”

“Oh, sick! You guys left some for me?” Blaze says with bright star-filled eyes. “Take care of that idiot while I’m gone!” He dashes off to the dining room.

“...M not an idiot.” Solar mumbles, chewing softly on the safe, gooey chocolate-filled cookie. (Taufan had somehow successfully forced him to eat it.)

The amount of sugar in this thing could probably kill a diabetic. Sometimes, he can’t help but be concerned about Halilintar’s sweet tooth. 

“Good?” Taufan asks, sitting down next to him.

“Mhm…a bit too sweet for me though.”

“You know how Hali is.” His lips curved upwards into a cheeky smirk.

Solar didn’t like that look.

“I made it extra sweet on purpose. It’ll make the surprise cookies hit hard! A quick taste of heaven before I mess him up.”

“...Surely whatever he did to you yesterday doesn’t warrant whatever this is.”

“We were sparring in Duri’s domain, and he pushed me into one of Duri’s plants.”

“Ah, okay, understandable.” Solar nods. Duri would kill anyone on sight if they ever harmed his plants. “That explains the two cookie trays.”

“Yeah, haha…”

“Blaze told me you were stress baking, but I didn’t expect to see this many cookies here.” 

“Ehehe…whoopsies. Might’ve gone a bit overboard today…”

Solar swirls around in his stool, stopping to face Taufan. “What’s on your mind?” He shimmies their stools closer to each other. Leaning his head against Taufan’s shoulder.

“You know…same old stuff. What about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you had a panic attack, right?”

“...”

“Nightmare?”

“Yeah.”

“...”

“...”

Taufan rests his head on Solar’s head.

“Looks like I’m not the only one having a tough time.” He lets out a flat laugh. “Do you need comfort, or do you just want to rant about it?” He asks.

It was a common question in their household. Opening up about anything is already hard as it is, so this question served to make things easier. Sometimes someone might need a shoulder to lean on, and sometimes someone just wants to wish death upon the people they despise. (Or maybe a buddy to talk shit with.)

“...Can I just get a hug…? I don’t…uhm—”

“Don’t feel like talking?” Taufan finishes his sentence for him.

Solar nods sheepishly.

“That’s fine, come here!” Taufan wraps his arms around his youngest, smothering him in affection. 

“Wow, when did he become such a baby?” Blaze waltzes into the kitchen again with an empty plate.

“Oh, shush, it’s really rare for Solar to get all mushy with us.”

Solar mumbles something incoherent under his breath; ultimately, it gets muffled as he melts into the hug. 

“Rare? I could’ve sworn that he already demanded hugs from me.”

“I didn’t demand anything! You willingly gave me one.” He huffs, lightly pouting.

“I…I didn’t!”

“Aww, how cute. You guys are allowed to show affection with each other, you know, quit being so embarrassed about it.” Taufan gives them a warm smile, soft like his baked goods. “Join us, Aze!”

Blaze walks over to them with his tail tucked between his legs, putting the plate on the counter, then taking a seat next to Taufan. 

Taufan has Solar on his left and Blaze on his right. He ruffles both of their hairs and wraps his hand over their shoulder right after. “It’s nice having you both here…baking can get quite lonely, you know?”

Blaze nods, letting Taufan soak up all of their affection.

“Why do you bake so much anyway?” Solar asks, a bit curious.

“...” Taufan’s lips fall into a flat line. “You want an honest answer?” He says with a bitter smile.

“...Yes?” He responds, a bit hesitantly.

“Baking…it’s one of the few things that—hm. How should I put this…” Taufan let’s go of his brother’s, tracing the edge of the baking tray with his index finger.

“A coping mechanism?” Solar tries to fill in the dots

Taufan flinches.

“Coping mechanism…Yeah, I guess you can call it that.” He nods to himself. “Helps me calm the storm in my head. Baking started as just a fun little hobby. Tok Aba taught me it. I feel a bit of comfort being able to have control over what goes in a desert or not. Plus, it brings a smile to everyone’s faces. Your happiness is really important to me, you know…” A bittersweet smile creeps up on his face.

“Oh, I get it! It’s like how Solar is with his experiments!—” Blaze chimes in.

“Wait, hold on—what the fuck are you trying to imply?” Solar cut off his sentence before he could say anything else. “Also, Taufan wasn’t done speaking.”

“I appreciate the concern, but I think I’ve said enough already. You both need a chance to talk too.”

“...Both?” Blaze pauses.

“Don’t give me that look, something is bothering you too, right?”

The fire element bites down on his bottom lip, averting his gaze.

“Guess I’m not the only depressed one here.” Solar shoves a cookie into Blaze’s mouth. “Seems like you need a little sugar yourself.” 

The tips of Blaze’s ears shift to a shade of light pink. “Whatever.” 

“Eat up, you both need it.”

Blaze and Solar shoot Taufan a light frown.

The three of them share a comfortable silence. Munching on sweet cookies and just enjoying the other’s presence. Taufan even pours them a glass of warm milk to go with the treats. 

Solar only eats one or two more, getting a bit sick from the sugar. Meanwhile, Blaze has finished about half of the tray of both Halilintar’s and Duri’s cookies. Taufan manages to eat half a cookie before tossing it over to Blaze, their human food waste bin.

He had already tasted the cookies—he was the one who baked them after all—so he had already gotten bored of eating them. 

Taufan was content with just watching his brothers enjoy his baking. It filled his heart with warm sunshine. 

Just him, his brothers, and a good time—

“Do you guys ever think about killing yourselves?” Solar says without much thought.

Taufan’s eyes go wide, and he stares at the light element like he has just gone crazy. He looked over to Blaze, who was just as confused as he was. They both wonder if they heard that correctly.

“...Tough crowd.” Solar mumbles, chugging his drink. “I’m going to go shower—” 

Blaze hops off the stool, rushing over to Solar.

“What are you planning on doing to yourself?” He holds intense eye contact with Solar’s silver eyes.

“Nothing, it was just a random thought—”

“Bullshit.”

“Hey, let me talk!” His eyes bounce between Taufan’s and Blaze’s expressions. 

Yeah, he fucked up.

“So, are you going to talk?” Taufan sits up, standing next to Blaze.

Solar never believed in God. 

Religion is something people follow. Other living beings across the universe, from different planets, all have different beliefs. He found the concept of religion interesting, but that was about it.

Suddenly, he finds himself praying to any ethereal being for help.

A hand rests on Solar’s shoulder. “Hey, no shame if you have those thoughts.”

“Just forget about it, Aze.” Solar avoids his gaze.

“You can’t just brush off whatever you just said just now! Thoughts like that are dangerous, dumbass!”

“I didn’t mean to say that, let’s just forget that this happened, okay? It’s an uncomfortable topic…”

“I’d rather have an uncomfortable conversation with you than have a dead brother!” He got close to him and grabbed his wrist. 

“Akh!—” Solar hissed at the sudden contact.

Blaze’s heart drops. Loosening his grip on Solar.

☁︎･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･☁︎

The light domain was filled with fog, and a chemical smell lingered in the air.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” Cahaya gripped onto his shirt, voice trembling.

“Haya, I can’t—you’re hurt! We have to tell the others—”

“No! No, they can’t know!” He raised his voice. Eyes looking at him pleadingly. “It’s just a failed experiment…don’t worry about it! I’ll fix it…myself…I’ll fix myself…just—stay quiet, please Api.”

☁︎･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･☁︎

“...You’re still doing that?!” Blaze whispers, quiet enough that Taufan couldn’t listen in. 

“Shut up, there’s another person here…!” Solar says under his breath.

They both stared at each other for a minute straight.

“...Are you both telepathically communicating with each other?” Taufan raises an eyebrow.

They blink. 

Turning to Taufan.

The wind element senses that something weird is going on between his younger brothers. Blaze’s words were harsh, yes, but he would rather have a living Solar as well. 

“Solar, I know that you’re not one to talk about your feelings, I get it, it’s hard—”

“Taufan, please excuse us!” Blaze gives him an apologetic look before running off with Solar.

“—You guys?!” He runs out of the kitchen. 

Though he was too late.

Blaze had already entered a portal to the light domain, pushing Solar into it.

Chapter Text

Something was definitely wrong. (If it wasn’t obvious already.) 

Taufan stares at the microwave, watching the plate of leftover fried rice spin inside it.

‘I wonder if Blaze is comforting Solar…’

He sighs.

That thought floats around in his brain. He couldn't help but worry over the light element. Though Blaze wasn’t much of an emotions guy, he believed in him! Surely Blaze could get the job done…

Blaze was a great older brother, everything’s going to be fine…

Just don’t think much about it…

Ding!

The microwave stops spinning. 

Snapping him away from his thoughts. He takes a deep breath and forces on a smile. He opens it up and grabs the slightly hot plate. Placing the ceramic surface on a food tray with some eating utensils and a glass of water.

Hopefully, they don’t mind him walking in on their conversation. 

Solar still hasn’t eaten a proper meal, and it was his duty as the responsible brother he was to make sure that Solar had at least two meals a day!

Yes, that’s right.

He’s just bringing food over.

No ulterior motives.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“You can go if you want to. I can take care of this myself.” Solar says. A small frown was threatening to creep up on his face.

“If I leave, you won’t do anything to clean up this mess.” Blaze throws a bunch of crumpled-up papers and empty bottles into a trash bag. 

His instincts were yelling at him to poke around the place. 

You’d think Solar would keep his stuff nicely organized, to make it easier and more time-efficient, because he wouldn’t need to waste time rummaging around the place. 

Especially with the amount of stuff this guy has. Multiple copies of the same stuff, just in case he loses them. A whole library’s worth of books. Random herbs, plants, and biohazardous items he picks up on the rare chance BoBoiBoy calls him out of the watch. 

Blaze doesn’t even want to start thinking about organizing everything here. Getting nauseous just from the thought of it.

Solar’s domain was a vast laboratory with doors leading to numerous important rooms. (Important by Solar’s standards, he personally found the number of rooms here a bit comedic.)

His domain used to be smaller, with only three rooms. One for work, one to sleep in, and one to shit in. The place grew as years passed. And now he can barely recognize it. 

Solar never lets anyone in his domain unless it’s necessary, or if it’s the 3 oldest elements, they’re usually there to make sure that the light element has been taking care of himself. (Another exception is breaking and entering.) 

So he couldn’t even start to memorize the place.

He remembered getting banned from this place at some point for messing around with Cahaya’s random potions with Daun. Back when they all hadn’t unlocked their second tiers. (Everyone agreed that they’d only start walking around as their second tier once everyone got it. No man left behind!)

Even now, he’s unsure whether or not they’re in the main area of the domain. This was just the first room Solar ran into when Blaze forced him into the portal. He had to threaten to break the door because Solar tried to lock Blaze out of it.

“I’m not incompetent! Cleaning isn’t something I need help with; in fact, I would like to bet that I clean better than you.” Solar crosses his arms, speaking with pure confidence. “I keep the floors clean. See?” He points to the spotless floor.

Blaze had to admit, everything but the piles of junk that Solar somehow finds valuable was kept in pretty good condition. He wondered why that didn’t translate to literally everything else.

Papers were scattered on tables, some even falling to the floor. The pen holders resting near the papers also weren’t spared from Solar’s ability to somehow mess the place up. A broken pen was leaking ink on some scribbled-out papers. He grabs it and tosses it in the trash bag.

There were spill stains on the workbenches. Probably caused by the odd coloured…potions? Whatever was in the beakers and test tubes. Some were knocked over and caused holes in the tables, which isn’t a good sign. He’ll need to grab gloves to help clean those up.

Blaze turns to a large cabinet. Assuming this was where he kept sterile shit. The gloves were somewhere around here…maybe…uhh. 

He looks through the glass window of the cabinet's small doors. His lips turned downwards.

It was mostly empty.

“Then why are there misplaced miscellaneous items almost everywhere in your work area?” Blaze turns to face Solar, walking away from the cabinet after failing to find any sort of gloves to protect him from possible chemical injuries. “Did you empty out literally everything to scatter them around?”

“Just ignore the items, I’ll deal with them later when I’m done with my…project. Plus, how would you know that those were misplaced? What if I put them there purposefully? Someone like you wouldn’t be able to understand my thought process.” He says with a sly grin.

“Don’t act all smug when you live in a pig's den. I might not understand anything about where stuff like this should and shouldn’t go, but I have a feeling that you shouldn’t put medicine near this poisonous-looking stuff.” Blaze grabs a random beaker filled with a gooey, dark crimson liquid. The red hue made him raise an eyebrow. 

In the past, he saw one of Solar’s elixirs standing idly on a workbench, and he drank it with Daun and turned tiny. (He got a harsh ear pull from Tanah once the effects wore off.)

He’d probably drink it if it weren’t for the color. It looked tasty. Like syrup.

But red meant danger. 

He’d know because he’s red. 

Unless this was a love potion, but he abandons that thought, like how Boboiboy’s father abandoned him. 

Solar’s isn’t the type to make those types of potions.

There were a few herbs, and opened up pharmaceutical capsules right next to where the beaker was.

He swishes the beaker around. Watching it bubble up slightly on top from the movement. It seemed acidic, probably wasn't made for consumption. “What even is this stuff? Are you trying to become a drug dealer?—”

“Don’t touch anything.” Solar says with a harsh tone, eyes narrowing at him and the beaker. “Give me that.” He grabs the beaker, setting it off to the side. The black trash bag that he’s been throwing stuff in is also swiftly grabbed by the light element.

Blaze gave him a displeased look. “Aww man.”

“I don’t want you snooping around. What were you even trying to look for?”

“Your medical supplies, duh. What else, dumbass? We still have to deal with whatever you did.”

Solar gulped, but kept his composure.

“There's so much shit everywhere that I’d have to clean it up before I can start actually looking for it. You used to organize everything, but now this place is far messier than my domain. Now, where the hell do you keep a first aid kit?” He starts rummaging through a bunch of Solar’s shelves when the light element has his back turned around him to presumably throw his stuff in an actual trash can.

He pauses, finding a few crumpled-up tissues with the same dark crimson stains as the liquid in the beaker. He can’t help but raise an eyebrow at it. A few warning symbols pop up in his head. 

Blaze quickly pockets it.

“I don’t recall you being unnerved by cluttered rooms.” He walks over to Blaze.

“Stop doing that shit where you try to change the subject ever so slightly. That won’t work on me.” The fire element let out an annoyed exhale, finding different tubes filled with Solar’s odd observation experiments or whatever that guy calls them. 

“Tell me where the dang thing is, I’m going to lose my mind. How much of this stuff do you have? There are 7 identical-looking red mixtures on a single table. How did you get away with keeping these? Didn’t Hali take away all of your dangerous-looking drugs?”

“It’s in the drawer to your left.” He ignores all of the other walls of question..

“Why do you keep it in the same area as your experiments? I can’t differentiate your concoctions from actual meds.”

“Well, they are both technically drugs. You’re asking a lot of questions today.” 

 “Can’t I be curious?” He takes out a first aid kit bag. 

“I wouldn’t call it curiosity. Are you perhaps worried?—” 

“Shut up and sit down!” Blaze cuts him off, a light pink blush colours his face. Solar nods, raising both of his hands in defeat whilst wearing a shit eating grin.

☁︎･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･☁︎

“Play with me!” Api shouts. “Daun has a new swing set in his domain! The others are there too!” 

The yellow glowing portal in front of him flickers away.

“Oh no, you don't!” He snaps his fingers, summoning the portal back. 

“Cahaya!” He drags out the last part of his name. “Do you have your headphones on? Hello! Cahayaa!

“...What?”

A voice within the portal asks.

“Oh, good, you’re alive!” Api reaches his hand into the glowing entrance, watching it disappear into the other side. “Grab my hand! Let’s play with the others!”

“I’m busy.”

“You always say that. When are you not busy?”

“That’s exactly my point.”

“Dude, you haven’t left your room—”

“It’s a lab.”

“ —after the whole fight with that red angry pirate guy! Get out before I force myself into your Domain!”

“Wait, no, don’t come in—”

The fire element leaps into the portal.

His head starts feeling fuzzy as he’s brought to Cahaya’s domain. 

“Oof!” He falls face-first to the ground. 

Api lifts his head, pushing himself up into a sitting position. He rubs his head. There was a light pounding behind his eyes, and for some reason, the air around him was hard to breathe in. 

It must have been a bad fall and motion sickness. 

“I have arrived!” He announces with a proud tone. Grinning ear to ear. “Hurry, the others are waiting for us—”

“Idiot! G-Get out—out now! Leave!” Cahaya yells from behind a counter, sounding a bit out of breath with a shaking voice filled with panic.

Api pauses. Hesitant to move.

He inhales a sharp breath but immediately coughs. God, the air felt heavy with dust, smoke, and some sort of chemical residue. It clogged his throat and just smelled awful.

Api brings his hand up to cover his face. Taking a few steps near the boy.

“Cahaya—uhuk! Argh…! What happened here?” He stops in front of the counter that Cahaya hid behind. 

His eyes widened.

Cahaya was on the ground, looking as pale as a ghost. He was clutching his chest and heaving for air. His other hand was covered in dark crimson liquid, holding onto something. Pieces of glass were everywhere, and there were a few tubes and beakers knocked over.

“...Don’t look.”

☁︎･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･☁︎

“I thought you stopped?” Blaze pulls down Solar’s gloves. He examines the damage, noting chemical burns, some healing scars that don’t seem recent but aren’t old either, and what seems to be burn marks caused by a fire or some type of high heat. 

His hand gently pats a cold, damp towel along his younger brother’s wrists.

“Tried to. Didn’t work out.” Solar flinches.

“I know that we’re elemental beings, but that doesn’t mean that you can keep experimenting on yourself.” The fire element smacks Solar in the head. “Thought you were the smart one.”

“Ouch—spare me the lecture, won’t you?”

“Hadeh…If I don’t tell you off for this right now, you’ll just continue.” He pressed the towel down.

“Ow—Ow! Okay! I get it! Can’t you be gentler?”

“I’m being gentle. You have the balls to experiment on yourself, but flinch at a cold towel? Damn man, you’re something else.”

“Tch.” He clicks his tongue. “Whatever…”

“Don’t ‘whatever’ me. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It won’t be long until someone else finds out.”

Solar nods absentmindedly, his mind already drifting off.

“Are you even listening?”

“I am.” He replies calmly.

“Okay, then what’s the plan?”

“...Plan?”

“To tell the others.” He slips the towel back into a bowl of cold water.

“Telling others? Are you insane?!” Solar looks at him like he just grew 2 heads.

“Probably.” He shrugs. “How long are you going to hide this? You have to tell someone eventually. This cannot keep happening…I don’t…like it when you do this to yourself, idiot!”

“Why do you care?” He barks out, being a bit aggressive.

Blaze looks up, letting go of Solar’s wrist. He grabs the boy by his shoulders and shakes him. “Dude, you talked about wanting to kill yourself!”

“I never said that!”

“Well, you didn’t have to! I can tell either way.”

“...Ugh.” Solar rubs his temple. “I told you to forget about it.”

“About what? There are so many things you want me to shrug off!”

“Oh yeah? Name them. You’re making a big deal out of a huge pile of nothing.” 

“The conditions of your lab, for one.”

“Stop mentioning that and find a better reason. Gempa already gave me an earful about it when he visited.”

“The last time I saw anyone enter your room—let alone Gempa—was last month.”

“...”

“...You’re telling me that it’s been a month since you—”

“Shut up!” He groaned, getting a bit irritated. “I did clean. It just got messy again. There.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?”

“Believe what you want. You can’t really prove that this mess was recent or not.”

“I still can prove that you’re struggling with some dark shit in your head!”

“Zip your mouth, I don’t want to hear it—”

“Whenever you have a plan in mind, you always pursue it without having any regard for your own well-being! And—It fucking terrifies me! If you wanted to take yourself out of this world, you’d do it in a heartbeat!—”

Smack!

Solar’s hand landed a harsh slap right on Blaze’s cheek. 

Blaze stumbles backwards, freezing.

He brings his hand up, making contact with his cheeks, and he winces. It stung.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” The fire element mumbles, loud.

Solar pulls his hand back, tugging down his sleeves. “I—Shit. Sorry—I didn’t—wasn’t thinking…I didn’t mean it, are you okay—”

“You just slapped me. Do I look okay?”

“...” He looks away, clenching his fists together and holding them against his chest. “...I’m sorry.”

“I was trying to help you. Idiot.” He zips up the unused first aid kit.

“I know…I know, yes. But I already…I said—told you…t-that.” Solar swallows. “I can handle—I don’t need it. Help…I mean. I don’t need that.”

Blaze bit his tongue, holding himself back from saying what was on his mind. “You never change.” He mutters quietly to himself. Getting up to leave.

“What was that?” Solar turns his head towards him.

“Last time I checked, you experimented on your arms, not your ears.” He says, unable to stop himself. 

“Ouch, s-sick burn.” Solar rolls his eyes. Acting unbothered.

“...Just get out. Before I…” The light element bites down on his bottom lip, nervously looking back and forth from Blaze and the first aid kit. “Can you just walk out already? Stop acting like you give a shit.”

“I do!—”

“Huh, finally admitting it?”

“Ugh, shut up, are you trying to make me frustrated? Why won’t you let me help me?”

“I told you, I’m fine! I’ll deal with this myself. I don’t want your help.”

“Of course, you don’t want help. You never need it. Wait, let me rephrase that. You never allow yourself to get help.” He spits out. “Help is something that you despise, right? Because it makes you weak? Helpless even? You feel like a damn burden if someone decides to lend you a hand. You can’t even help yourself. How do you expect to get over this habit of yours if you won’t even let others in—”

“I don’t plan to!” Solar shouts. Though he instantly shuts his mouth in regret.

“...That weirdly makes sense.” 

He glares at Blaze. 

“What? You’re the one who said it. Not me.”

The light element looks down at the floor. Averting his gaze.

“Get out.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“Blaze?” Taufan stares at him as he exits the portal to the light domain. His eyes land on the red mark on his cheeks, and he can’t help but feel like he had a bit too much optimism with Blaze being able to somehow talk Solar out of it.

He puts the tray down on a nearby console table. “What happened?”

“Solar happened.” Blaze groans.

“Was it that bad?”

“Take a wild guess.” He hints at the slap mark.

“...” Taufan’s lips curve downwards. “Let me get you some ice.”

“It’s fine, it’ll go away eventually.”

“Okay, now you sound like him.” He takes Blaze’s hand and leads him to the kitchen. “I’m getting you that ice.”

“Don’t compare me to that brat.” He huffs. 

Taufan raises an eyebrow. 

Usually, he wouldn’t worry much about the insults that Blaze throws around at people. The red handprint on his face tells the wind element that the comment came from the heart.

“Here.” He pressed a pack of ice against Blaze’s cheek. “Solar can hit hard. He might be a little scrawny, but he’s the same guy who ended multiple villains' lives.”

“Yeah, but at the risk of his own.” He takes the ice pack and winces.

Taufan gives Blaze a weird look. 

Blaze looks back at him.

They both stare at each other.

“How bad was the fight?” Taufan sighs, breaking eye contact.

Blaze lets out a deep exhale.

“No rush.” Taufan says. Processing a fight usually takes a while. Especially with these two. They’re both terrible with opening up.

The fire element hums and cranes his head down to the floor, seeming deep in thought. “We both got…fired up. Ugh, he was being so stubborn, which pissed me off badly.” 

“Solar’s always been like that. Stubborn.” Taufan takes a seat on the stool from earlier. “What was different this time?” He tilts his head.

Blaze walks over and sits next to his older brother. “...” He thinks for a moment.

“Telling others? Are you insane?!”

“Uhm…like a lot…a lot was different.”

“That’s a bit vague.” He laughs dryly. 

“...Solar is not okay.” Blaze manages to say, but his throat feels clogged. He wants to say more but...

“I figured. It’s really worrying, I’ve never seen him like this before—eh, hm. I meant like—I’ve never seen him so frustrated enough to go slapping one of us. He usually just…yells. Keeps it all in, even if we offer any type of support.”

“He fucking hates being vulnerable. This is what I got for trying to tell him that he should get some help whenever he needs it.” He lowers the ice pack, giving Taufan a clear view of the now swelling cheek.

“Yikes, that looks nasty.” Taufan can’t help but point out.

“No shit, Sherlock.” The fire element grumbles, hissing as he applies the ice pack again.

“Did you say anything to trigger an outburst?” 

“...Might have.” Blaze cringes. “Okay, but was it really my fault?”

“Bro, you haven’t told me anything, how am I supposed to know?”

“Oh, right…! Yeah, so…basically…” He pauses, taking some time to formulate a sentence. “I think I fucked up lowkey.”

“Wait, you? I thought Solar was being the emotional one?”

“Hmm…let me rephrase that then. I think we both fucked up.”

“Right, so can you stop beating around the bush? I have no clue what happened, so some context would be very much appreciated. I can’t really help you out if you don’t say anything.” Taufan says, swirling around in his stool.

“I was trying to help you. Idiot.” 

“I know…I know, yes. But I already…I said—told you…t-that. I can handle—I don’t need it. Help…I mean. I don’t need that.”

“Help…” Blaze mumbles out loud as the memory of the fight replays in his head like an unskippable advertisement..

“Pardon?” Taufan stops spinning for a second, turning to Blaze.

The fire element takes a deep breath. “Taufan, I think there’s something you—hell, maybe the other’s too—need to know.”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Solar slams his head against his workbench. 

He lifts his head and stares at the calendar across the room. 

…

Stupid.

He stands up and walks over to it with a red marker in hand. The cap of the marker pops off. It looked a bit dry, but whatever. He crosses off today’s date.

Only a few more days, and he decides to get into a fight with the fire element.

At this point, he’s more frustrated with himself than he is with Blaze.

The marker is thrown somewhere around the room.

He really thought that the mess would deter the fire element from even setting foot in his lab. 

Solar grits his teeth. 

“Damn you, Blaze.”

He grabs the beaker that Blaze had been holding earlier. Thankfully, he didn’t do anything to it. It’s probably a bit mixed up now.

Solar takes off his gloves, storing them in the pockets of his pants. He pulls open a drawer and searches around for an item, grabbing it once he feels the handle. 

“Is this all I have?” 

He digs around in the drawer, not finding anything useful.

The element frowns.

“Must’ve left it somewhere else. This should get the job done either way.”

He grabs the handle and flips open his pocket knife.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Blaze slides over a bunch of red-stained tissues.

Taufan raises an eyebrow. 

He stares at it and the bruise on Blaze’s face, trying to figure out where the bleeding came from. 

Did Blaze and Solar get into a physical altercation? The bleeding must be somewhere on Blaze’s body if so.

 “Where else did he hit you?” He pats down Blaze’s arms, trying not to sound shaken. “Did he use his powers?—”

“What?—No! It isn’t that!” Blaze shakes his head. “He just slapped me.”

“Oh—okay. Thank God. I was seriously going to have a hard time trying to justify his actions if he tried to beat you up.” He sighs in relief. Slapping someone was still bad, though. He'll need to have a talk with Solar about that. “Then what is it? Did you have a nosebleed?”

“This…this isn’t mine.” Blaze mumbles hesitantly with his head held down, hoping Taufan takes the hint.

“Who—” He pauses. “Oh.”

“...Yeah.”

“Solar…?” 

“Mhm.” Blaze hums in conformation. 

“He hasn’t been called out for a mission though. BoBoiBoy only calls him out for heavy battles. Who could have done this to him?”

Blaze doesn’t answer. They both exchanged looks of concern. 

The blood stains on the tissues are dark. Deep red. And some were nearly brown.

He reaches over to grab the tissues, unfolding them. There was too much blood for this to be something like a nosebleed or a light cut.

A million thoughts are running around Taufan’s head, and he doesn’t like any of the conclusions that his brain has come to. 

“He’s harming himself, isn’t he?” Taufan whispers. Hoping that it isn’t true.

Blaze nods. “You caught on fast.” He tries to laugh it off.

A deafening silence fell between them.

Time seems to have stopped.

Taufan can hear the pounding in his chest.

A sense of dread fills his senses.

Why hasn’t he noticed earlier?

The thought rings out.

“I know that this isn’t really my place to say this, but it’s getting out of hand. I thought he stopped—”

“You knew that he’s been doing this to himself…?” He turns to Blaze eerily, eyes bulging out.

“Yeah—I caught him, uhm, doing it a while ago…ish…I think.”

“How long is ‘awhile ago’ supposed to be?”

“Okay…p-promise that you won’t kill me.” He chuckles nervously. Fiddling with the ice pack to seem busy.

“Just fess up.” He drops the tissues on the counter.

“...Maybe…around 2 years ago—”

“2 years?! Blaze?!” Taufan jumps, clenching his fist. “You knew for 2 whole years?!” His emotions explode.

“In my defense, that brat wouldn’t let me say anything! I found out a few weeks after the Captain Vargoba fight! You saw how he obliterated that guy. I wasn’t going to get myself shot, man! I value my life!”

“And Solar doesn’t, we’re lucky that he hasn’t tried to do anything to himself but this!” Taufan speaks with panic in his voice.

“Woi, Upan! Where are you going?!”

“To see Solar, oh my God, why would you leave him alone after finding out about this?! He needs support—”

“I didn’t want to treat him any differently than before, it’ll just make him isolate himself from me! Sit back down, he’ll despise me if he finds out that I snitched on him.”

The wind element begrudgingly complies. 

“If you want to talk about this to him, you’re going to need a plan. You can't just waltz in all emotional.”

Taufan seals his lips into a tight line, bouncing his foot on the floor restlessly. “...Should we tell someone else? I don't think either of us are made for this.”

“And have him freak out more? No thanks.”

“Why did you decide to tell me first? I think you should’ve told someone more responsible.”

Blaze looks at him in confusion. “But you are responsible.”

Taufan can almost laugh at that. “Oh, please.”

“What? You are.” He just looks more perplexed now. 

“Why didn’t you tell…Duri or like Hali, feel like they’ll be more equipped for this. Duri’s close to Solar, he’ll probably know what’s best to say to him, things that wouldn’t trigger an explosive reaction. Like…” Taufan tries not to stare at Blaze’s bruised cheek. What’s with his brothers and making him worry so much today?

“I get it, stop fussing over me when a certain someone is in danger with himself.” Blaze covers up his cheek with the ice pack, applying it firmly now.

“Mhm…now where was I? Right, Hali. Hali would be a good option too if we’re worried about Duri being too emotional about it. He’s firm and the oldest, probably has some sort of wisdom up his sleeve to transfer over to Solar. Hali’s a bit closed off, too, so the two of them have something in common. Might be a better option since they can understand each other due to similarities.” Taufan rambles.

“But, I went to you first.”

“I know, like I said, I’m not the one you should be talking to about this stuff. I’m a bit of an airhead—”

“You’re not! You…you’re really emotionally intelligent! And I thought that—I mean…I have no problems speaking my mind with you. It’s not like I don’t trust the others, but…uhm…you’re like—you balance your uh, reactions? Fuck wait—Let me just give you an example!” Blaze stumbles over his words.

“If I were to open up with Gempa, he’ll be too busy worrying over me and the problem, so now we’re both anxious. Halilintar is scary; his walls are always up. It’s hard to be vulnerable when that guy is also trying not to let anyone in. Ais is a bit sensitive, he’s observant and all, yes. But I don’t want to upset or make him sad when talking to him…”

“...Huh, you’re…right.”

“Why do you sound so shocked? I can be smart too, you know!”

“I never said that you weren’t.” Taufan rustles Blaze's hair, earning a light pout from the fire element. “What about the rest?”

“And the two youngest are probably the worst to go to!”

Taufan chuckles. “Why’s that?”

“They’re still figuring things out. We got to experience a bit of a childhood because we formed early, and the things we learned from growing up helped shape us. Daun and Cahaya only finished forming their consciousness when Boboiboy was a teenager; they got thrown into puberty and had to deal with big emotions they didn’t understand…” Blaze slowly turns to Taufan. “Which is why I told you first. You…you’re good at understanding us. Solar also needs patience; you have that.”

“...” Taufan taps his finger on the counter, keeping his gaze on the tissues. “You really think so?”

“It’s worth a shot. Doubt he’ll listen to me after what I said…”

“Give him some time, he won’t be pissed forever.” He pats Blaze on the back in hopes of reassuring him. 

Taufan notices a frown on the fire element’s face; he seems rather upset, a bit lost in thought, too. 

“...I was really harsh on him. And…that’s why I want you to go talk to him.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

Taufan stumbles through the portal with a tray of cold food. He probably needs to reheat it again, but he’s too worried to do so. There’s a voice that won’t stop screaming at him to get to Solar before anything bad happens to him.

“Solar! Sorry for intruding, but I brought you something to eat!” He yells through the white hallway. 

The floor beneath him was epoxy flooring, giving him slight flashbacks to the recovery room back in the TEMPUR-A station. It didn't help that the place smelled insanely over-sanitized like a hospital. It was also really cold. A place like this probably always has its air conditioner on at all times.

He stops walking, wondering where to go. There are a few doors to his left and right, and a staircase at the end of the hallway. “Solar…?” He mumbles mostly to himself. 

“Taufan?” Solar pops out of one of the doors with a towel around his shoulders.

“Oh, there you are!” He flashes him a bright smile, holding up the tray. “I brought you this! Though it’s a bit cold…Do you have a microwave somewhere around here?” He admits sheepishly. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” The light element whispers. “Give me a second—I need to put on a shirt.”

“Oh, okay! I’ll wait for you here!” He plants himself in front of what he assumes to be Solar’s bedroom, or maybe it was the bathroom? The door looked the same as every other door here.

“You can put the food down and leave if you want.” Solar says from behind the door, his voice getting slightly muffled.

“No, I’ll wait!” He cheerily responds.

Taufan takes out his phone, preparing to doomscroll. But Solar flings the door back open right before he can open Twitter. 

“—That was fast.” He blinks. Pocketing his phone. 

“Erm, yeah—you can go now.” He peeks through the door.

“Aww, come on! You aren’t feeling well, right? And you haven’t had a proper meal. Only a few cookies.”

“I’ll eat later. Just leave it—”

“I wanna feed you!” He jumps up.

“...What?”

“You heard me!”

“Yeah, no, get out.” Solar tries to push him away.

The light element has always been stubborn. That won’t stop Taufan from trying. The wind is just as stubborn!

“Dude, it’s just the two of us. Let me take care of you. You don’t have to be all embarrassed over being spoonfed. You know, Ais still gets fed by the others too! So I don’t mind doing the same to you. Everyone needs to be spoiled once in a while!” Taufan enters the room anyway, easily pushing past Solar. 

The room had white walls and the same floor as the one outside. There was a bed, a desk and a few shelves. Seems like he took a minimalistic approach to furniture. It looked like a mental ward bedroom, if Taufan had to be honest. A few books have fallen off their shelves, sitting on the floor. And the trash can was overfilled. The only thing that made the place look like it had a person living in it.

He stops in front of a desk that looks untidy and disorganized. 

Solar stumbles, nearly falling, but he catches himself on the door. 

“Ah! Sorry, are you okay?” He apologizes for suddenly pushing past him, clearing some space on Solar’s cluttered desk to set down the tray. 

“I’m fine. Just a little lightheaded.” Solar walks over to him.

“Pun intended?” He couldn’t help but reply with a giggle.

Solar glares at him.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist.” He shrugs. “Now, say aaa!” He grabs a spoonful of fried rice, shoving it into Solar’s mouth, not giving much of a choice but to swallow.

Taufan takes this chance to observe Solar as he chokes on the food.

He’s a bit paler than usual, which is odd because he looked fine back in the kitchen. The bags under his eyes looked darker; he couldn’t remember Solar not having them. The other boy always stayed up late after all. His legs look wobbly, his stance is a bit off balance, and he’s holding onto the edge of the desk to balance himself.

“You look different.”

Solar swallows, lightly pounding his chest with his fist. “Ugh—What?”

“I said you look different.” Taufan starts to scoop up another huge bite of fried rice on the spoon. 

“...I heard…heard that. I heard that.” Solar slurs out, his words blending in together as he struggles to speak. He sounded like a drunk man. “...Ngh.” He rubs his forehead.

Taufan, let’s go of the spoon; going up to Solar. “You good?—”

Solar’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and his body went limp. Luckily, Taufan was there to catch him in time before he could hit his head on anything.

“Solar?!” He lowers him down to the floor, resting the light element’s head on his knees. “Dude, are you there?!”’ He shakes hi,m but the boy remains unresponsive. 

Taufan pressed the tips of his index and third fingers onto his wrist, applying small pressure under Solar’s thumb.

Solar’s eyes are still open, he’s breathing, and his pulse is very light.

He lifts Solar up, hanging him off his shoulders. He glances around, trying to figure out where to lay him. The bed seemed wet, most likely Blaze's fault if he recalled correctly. 

There weren't many options here. The floor can’t possibly be comfortable or good for him to be on. He needs something soft so Solar can…can…wake up? Does it even count as waking up if his eyes were open?  

The wind element doesn’t know the layout of Solar’s domain and mentally curses himself for not visiting more often. He doubts that there’ll be any beds in any of the other rooms. (Considering that he usually sleeps at his desk.)

So he hurriedly taps on his powerwatch, opening Blaze’s contact info.

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“...Is he dead?” Blaze is barely able to say those words. Taufan can see his Red-orange eyes nervously scanning Solar over and over again; they’re filled with guilt. “You’re right—dammit—I shouldn’t have left him.”

Blaze squeezes his younger brother’s hand. His pulse was the only thing easing his mind. 

“He’s alive, we just need to…find a way to…” Taufan rattles off, struggling to think of a solution. “Wait?”

“You want us to wait it out?”

“I mean, we don’t have much of a choice. He just collapsed and now he’s unresponsive.”

“Is there really nothing that we can do?” Blaze lightens the grip that he has on Solar’s hand, looking up to Taufan with a pleading expression. 

“We could always tell someone—”

“For the last time, I’m not doing that.” Blaze shakes his head. “Telling you was hard enough. And probably a breach in Solar’s privacy now that I look back on it…”

“Privacy gets thrown out of the window if something serious like this is going on.” Taufan pulls a blanket over Solar’s body, tucking him in. “Who knows what would’ve happened if you kept hiding that secret from any of us. Could’ve ended up far worse than whatever is happening to him now.”

He was grateful that Blaze immediately answered when he called. It took a while, but they managed to carry him over to the wind element’s domain. 

Taufan’s domain was just a comfy house with a skatepark outdoors. It felt more appropriate to bring him here than Blaze’s place. 

“I’m going to go back to Solar’s domain.” Blaze abruptly stands up. 

“Wait, why?”

“...I have a feeling that there’s something there that’s causing this.” He clenches his fists.

“I’m going with you—”

“No. Stay here. Just in case Solar gets up.” He summons the exit portal, swiftly leaving before Taufan can get another word in. 

Taufan takes this chance to see the damage for himself. He shifts Solar into a more comfortable position, resting his head onto a fluffy pillow and making sure that the blanket is keeping him nice and warm.

His fingers hover over Solar’s sleeves. 

Typically people harm themselves around here…

Solar’s a smart guy so Taufan wouldn’t be surprised if he did it somewhere else to further hide things.

Taufan holds his breath and pulls down the sleeves. 

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“Where do I even begin…” Blaze silently thinks to himself. He lets out a breath and looks around.

He was back in the room from earlier.

It was still in the same condition as when he left.

Though he does notice that one of the workbenches seems more recently used, so he starts there. 

There’s a test tube rack sitting in front of him. 

The tubes all have different shades of red. 

A mortal and pestle are right next to it; it’s a bit dirty, and there’s something that has been crushed into powder sitting in the bowl. The smell made him dizzy and drowsy. He instinctively covered his face. 

The room was starting to spin for him. 

Bells began to ring in his head. 

He needed some sort of mask if he wanted to dig around more.

The fire element runs out of the laboratory, putting distance between himself and the odd mixtures emanating that smell.

Once outside, he sucks in a huge breath and relishes the fresh air. (Not really fresh since it came out of an air conditioner, but it was way better than whatever was going on inside that room.)

He takes a second to compose himself. Scanning the rest of the empty hallway. 

“Solar probably has masks somewhere.”

Blaze enters his bedroom.

“But where would he put them…”

He walks over to his desk, kneeling down to check the drawers on each side. His fingers linked around the handle, and he pulled them open one by one. He finds nothing noteworthy in the bottom drawers, so he moves onto the top drawers. 

Rough-looking notebooks…tissues…paracetamol…sleeping pills…empty gel pens…gloves and a mask!

He internally cheered, shoving them on immediately. Now he can rummage without getting harmed. He closes the drawers, intending to leave, but something catches his eye.

Tucked away in the corner of the drawer was a sharp scalpel. He grabs it without much thought and pockets it. 

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“—lar? Are you there?” 

“Upan, look, he’s blinking!”

“Lower your voice, it might spook him.”

“Okay, I get it…but you’re being loud too!”

“Aze, focus! Solar first, banter later. Speaking of him. Should we get him something? Oh crap, I left his fried rice in his bedroom! Blaze, can you go get it? He might catch a sickness if he doesn’t eat—”

“...shuht—uhp.” Solar grumbles, opening his eyes and blinking a couple of times.

He feels like he just woke up from anesthesia. 

Sleepy, exhausted, and sluggish.

A hand creeps around his side and he’s pulled up into a sitting position with a pillow tucked behind his back. 

“Easy there…” He hears Taufan say. “Drink this.” The wind element presses a glass of water against his lips.

Solar doesn’t know how he ended up here. He was supposed to be in the laboratory. But it seems like he’s in Taufan Domain now. Which meant that Taufan had walked in on him. He hoped that it wasn’t the case.

Taufan easily worries over everyone, so it wouldn’t be out of the question for him to check on the light element after saying something that would definitely drive him into a sea of concern. 

“...What happened?” Solar asks after his senses get better. The water seemed to help with it. “I can't recall anything.” He rubs his temple.

“Uhm—I was trying to deliver you some food—since you haven’t eaten anything at all—and you collapsed after I fed you a spoonful of it. I think you were out for half an hour.”

“Just that?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m not sure if this will jog your memory, but you just finished showering when I came in.” 

“Hmm…” Solar crosses his arms.

At least he knows that it works now. And that Taufan didn’t see anything.

“Are we going to address the elephant in the room—”

“Blaze, go grab Solar’s food and reheat it for me.” Taufan turns to Blaze with a sweet smile, ushering him out.

“Hey! No fair, I just got back from there!—”

“You went into my domain while I was unconscious?" Solar shoots Blaze a glare.

Blaze freezes. “...On second thought, let me go get that food!” He runs off.

Normally, Solar would have chased after him to ask for some type of clarification, but his body felt too heavy to move, so he just let him get away with it for now. 

“Why’d you kick him out?” He leans into the pillow behind him.

“I need to talk to you about something.”

Here it is. The main thing he didn’t want to talk about.

“Blaze already talked me out of it.” He replies in hopes of cutting the conversation short. Though the attempt is futile, knowing Taufan.

“I don’t think so. At least that’s not what he told me.” The older element takes a seat next to Solar on the bed.

“...How much did he tell you?” Solar gripped the blanket beneath him, a sense of panic starting to arise in him. 

“Enough to know that you both got heated and it ended up with Blaze walking out with a bruise on his cheek.”

Solar stays quiet. Chewing the insides of his cheeks. He fiddles with his hands, trying to find some type of excuses. The brain fog he was experiencing was making things more difficult than it needed to be. 

“I didn’t mean it.” He says defeatedly. 

“I know.” Taufan pats his shoulder comfortingly. “Still, you shouldn’t react all aggressively when you’re in a fight with someone.”

“It wasn't a fight.” He denies it. “I was being stubborn.”

“Care to tell me more?” 

“Didn’t Blaze already tell you about what happened?”

“Not really, he didn’t give me any details. Only told me that you slapped him after he told you to seek help from others.”

“Well, he isn’t wrong.”

They both fall into an awkward silence. Not knowing how to continue the conversation.

Solar had zero interest in talking anyways. Taufan was probably trying to craft up a response that’ll get him talking. He was determined to keep his mouth shut. He really didn’t want to deal with any type of overbearing, worried siblings. 

If he told one person, then the rest of the household would get wind of it soon. Though that begs the question, why did Blaze keep his mouth shut for so long?

“Can I tell you a secret?” Taufan whispers into his ear.

“...What is it?” He cranes his head over to him.

Taufan links their hands together. “I don’t think you’re alone.” He gives his hand a light squeeze.

Solar just nods. 

He’s heard many variations of this sentence before. In situations where someone is stuck in their head, you need to help bring them down from their thoughts and back to reality. 

You are your own worst critic. And, unfortunately for Solar, this statement is incredibly true for someone like him. The high standards that he aims to achieve on his own can sometimes not work out, and it drives him insane. He has to deal with his own internal monologue chewing him up and spitting on him for his flaws and shortcomings. 

Even if someone were to pitch in with a positive light, his thoughts would overpower that little bit of positivity. It doesn’t matter who comforts him; no one's words are strong enough to help him break out of those thoughts. He doesn’t even believe anyone who gives him positive reinforcement because of the little voice that he has in his head.

He trusts the elements to some degree. But not enough to believe that they don’t harbour some sort of disdain or resentment against him. His brain often reminds him of the dangerous situations he’s put them in. Sometimes he feels like he’s forever stuck in his mind with how much of his thoughts consume him. 

It’s isolating. 

Solar can’t help but feel alone in it all. 

“You don’t believe me, do you?” Taufan sighs. 

“Nope.” He replies bluntly, staring off to the ceiling. 

Solar doesn’t understand why Taufan is so adamant about helping him. He’s bound to give up eventually. 

“How was that supposed to be a secret in the first place? I know everyone here would be willing to listen to me whine.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Taufan bites his bottom lip, his eyes scan over Solar's face, his eyes were blue, but they felt warm with a feeling of understanding. “...I meant, you aren’t the only one who’s thought of disappearing.”

Solar gives him a puzzled look, but then it clicks. And he’s never felt more horrified in his life. “Taufan…you…” He’s unable to look the other boy in the eye. 

“Am I a burden for having those thoughts?” Taufan asks suddenly.

“What? Of course not!” Solar jumps to reply. 

“Then you should be kinder to yourself. If I’m not a burden, then neither are you.” Taufan reaches out to gently pat Solar’s head. “Halilintar and Gempa are always looking out for me, especially after the whole incident I had as Beliung…and they’re still so patient with me.”

“You’ve told them?”

“Mhm.” He nods. “And they didn’t treat me any differently. It took me a while to forgive myself for losing control like that. Yet, you guys welcomed me back with open arms…even after the mass destruction I caused.”

“That wasn’t really your fault. You didn’t have time to adjust to having those powers, and so it went out of control. It’s kind of like a failed experiment. You can’t always succeed in something for the first time. So we have to learn from those mistakes.” Solar leans into the touch. He spoke with a softer voice. 

Taufan could feel his younger brother slowly start to warm up to him. 

“It was my fault. At the end of the day, I was the one who caused all the damage. And I learnt not to dwell on it too much. It’ll only make things harder for me. Although looking back on past mistakes is good, you shouldn’t let those mistakes haunt you.” Taufan retreats his hand. “This goes for you too. Something’s bothering you, right?”

Solar nods awkwardly. 

“Come on, talk to me. What’s causing that frown of yours? You can’t keep it in forever. One day, all of the emotions you bottled up will start to spill out one by one. Or maybe they’ll blow up all at once.” 

“...I don’t—ah…” Solar feels embarrassed. Compared to Taufan, he feels like his struggles aren’t that big of a problem. He hasn’t had to deal with losing control of himself yet.

“I told you a bit about myself; it’s your turn now. Unless you’re not ready to open up yet. But could you at least…share something back? It doesn’t have to be something big. Maybe it could be something small that’s bothering you first. Then we can conclude if we want to continue from there.”

“...You’re too kind.”

“Just doing my job as your older brother.” He flashes Solar a soft smile, his eyes looking fondly over the youngest. 

“Where do I—how—do I…start?” 

“Anywhere you want.”

“...Well…then…” Solar traces his steps back. Grasping at memories that often float around in his mind. Something small…does that mean a recent memory? What would that be?

…

“So this is where you’ve been hiding my assets. In a weak little human body?”

…

He feels a chill run down his spine. His voice still sounds so clear to him. It’s something that his brain won’t allow him to forget.

…

“My Gamma energy…I missed having the ability to reach my full potential. At least taking it back won’t be much of a problem now. I was dreading having to break into some sort of protected location. Looks like they just gave it to a random kid. Thanks for making this easier for me.”

No…

This was happening again!

Darkness seems to seep out of every inch of the older man’s being; his eyes looked devilish. He flashed a large, toothy grin at the light element, snarling his sharp fangs at him. “Hope you had fun playing hero kid, but now it’s time to take back what’s mine…”

“Get out of my head.”

“Get out of my head.”

“Get out of my head.”

“Get out of my head.”

“Get out of my head.”

Solar opened his mouth, choking on oxygen. 

He has to stop this. Not again.

He doesn’t want this.

He can’t keep reminiscing on this!

The light element looked over to the other elements; same thing. Just like he always remembers it.

Gempa had created a barrier to protect the others from jumping in. Trying to refuse to even look at what was happening. He snuck in a few glances, but his breath seemed to quicken every time. Halilintar was yelling at Gempa to let the walls down; he was always prone to jumping into action. Taufan had to hold Halilintar back from endangering himself. 

Duri was one of the few who also wanted to jump in. Sneakily climbing up the dirt wall with his vines whilst the three oldest were busy shouting at each other. Blaze was with Duri, accidentally burning the vines he was climbing because he was getting impatient while waiting for the oldest's orders. And Ais just stood there frozen, like his powers suggest.

“...Ruh...Run—”

“Gamma drain!”

…

“I think you traveled too far down memory lane.” Taufan’s voice pulls him out of his daze. He taps Solar’s shoulder. “Are you here with me, Sol?”

“Yes…” He breathes out, a bit shaken up. “I’m here…” He nods to himself. 

Solar feels Taufan’s eyes on him, and he tries to make himself as small as possible. Curling up into a ball. His gaze felt like theater lights focusing on him, setting him as the center of the show.

 He’s lucky that Taufan managed to snap him out of it. He doesn’t have the energy for another panic attack. If he accidentally triggered another one, he’d just collapse out of exhaustion, and that might make the memory reappear again—

“Deep breaths, Solar…Deep breaths…” Taufan murmurs. “You can do it.”

“I’m fine!” He shouts, but his voice cracks, so now it just sounds pathetic. “—ughh…” 

“No, you’re not. We’ve already established that.” Taufan replies, if those words were coming out of the other’s mouth, Solar would’ve felt insulted. But Taufan’s words always felt comforting to him for some odd reason. 

Maybe it was his bias slipping in.

The wind element was always good with words. It’s something Solar admires about him. Perhaps he thought that Solar needed something that sounded like a logical explanation. And it did work. 

“You’ve got me there.” Solar’s chest felt lighter now.

“It’s nothing—wait. It’s not. It’s…it’s not nothing. It’s bothering me, so it’s—uh…” He trails off, losing his train of thought. “...This is hard.”

“We’re getting somewhere, don’t stop now.” Taufan encourages him. “You’re doing well, keep it up.”

Solar’s head lightly perks up.  

“... Actually…can I ask you something?”

“Stop doing that shit where you try to change the subject ever so slightly. That won’t work on me.”

“I’m not trying to change the topic..I swear!”

“I never accused you of doing that.” Taufan blinks. “I mean, if it helps you, ask away.”

“What did it feel like when Retak’ka took us away from Boboiboy?” His voice quivers. He wasn’t his usual confident self. Finding it hard to mask around the wind element. 

Talks like these were all about vulnerability; it wouldn’t be right to mask either way. 

Taufan seemed a bit taken aback. His eyes shrank, and a cramped expression was visible on his face. Solar’s starting to regret asking this question.

“Oh wow, that’s sudden.” Taufan laughs, clearly uncomfortable. 

“I’m aware. You don’t have to answer if you prefer not to discuss it. I think it’s something we all have trouble speaking about.” Solar says, not wanting to push Taufan too much. He’s already opened up a lot of himself.

“No, no…I’m okay with talking about him. I think it’s important for us to bring him up since he’s impacted all of us. Actually, he’s probably impacted you the most.”

“...” Solar doesn’t say anything, but Taufan knows that he agrees with the statement. Anyone who had a grasp of the history surrounding the power of the light element would most likely be able to piece it together.

“I guess.” Is what Solar chooses to say after contemplating every other option.

He knows that it’s such a nothing burger of a response, but Taufan doesn’t point it out.

“So…Retak’ka…” Taufan continues before more of the awkwardness can draw out. “When Retak’ka took us away from Boboiboy, it felt like my soul was leaving my body by force. I didn’t want to go, but that choice wasn’t up to me. I couldn’t break free from that monkey bastard.”

“Is this why you have issues with controlling yourself?” 

“Err—Yeah…that’s part of it. You know…what happened at Windara…and whatnot.”

“...So baking gives you that sense of control that you feel like you lack…” He thinks to himself, but it slips out of his mouth. 

“Yeah, it’s like that. Now what about you? When was the last time you felt like you were in control?”

“I don’t think I have any problems with controlling myself… losing control is merely something I fear. Especially since we tend to act like our previous users when we start to go haywire.”

“To be fair, we were a part of them too, at some point. So in some way, they were also a part of us. They’re memories of who they are and what they did live on inside us.”

Solar balls his fist. “...They were also a part of us.” He repeats.

Did that mean that…

“Mhm! That’s right! I think that’s why I managed to calm myself before things got even more out of hand. Kuputeri used to refrain from engaging in acts of violence. She always deemed them unnecessary. So I tried to channel that gentleness that she has. I’m really glad that it worked…” Taufan babbles off.

“Yeah…yeah…glad that, about that. I’m glad t-that it worked too.” Solar repeated back.

He can’t think anymore. His thoughts are racing. 

Taufan seems to pick up on this.

“...You know, this reminds me of something…Do you remember when we were 11…?”

☁︎･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･☁︎

“Oh, whoa! Your old master seems so cool, Daun!” Angin says with stars in his eyes.

Daun agrees enthusiastically. “Yeah! I really miss that guy…oh well, Boboiboy is nice too!”

“Well, welcome…welcome back? Urgh—whatever, welcome Daun! I’m glad that you have your own consciousness like the rest of us now.” Tanah says softly.

“Hehe…I’m glad too! It’s so cool being able to move around like this, even though it’s just a borrowed body. I never thought that I’d be more than some source of energy with fragments of memories.” Daun runs around the couch, clearly enjoying himself.

The elements were currently in the main domain. An area that was a replica of Tok Aba’s house. It was a bit small for the 7 of them, so they should probably expand now that they are complete. They were all on their first tier since they were just sitting around and telling stories. 

“What about your guys' old masters? I feel like I’ve been talking lots about mine, but I wanna hear some stories from you guys!” Daun takes a seat on the floor, laying his head comfortably on Air’s lap.

Air shakes his head in amusement and runs his fingers through Daun’s hair. “My old master used to be friends with Api’s.”

“Yeah, they even sparred against each other to help each other get more powerful! I’ve been trying to do the same with this guy here—” Api lightly nudges Air’s hat downwards. “—but he’s too lazy!”

“I’m not lazy, I’m just chill.” Air replies casually, sipping on his 3rd ice chocolate drink. “Something you don’t have since you’re all fired up all the time.”

“Why you—”

“Can you both shut up? I’ve had enough of fighting for today.” Petir groans, trying to sleep on the couch, but everyone’s enthusiasm over the two new elements has kept everyone talking. 

“Ignore Petir, he’s usually groggy after long fights.” Angin waves him off. “The brownies I made should be nearly done baking; he’ll be back to his usual self by then.”

“I won’t.” The lightning element pouts.

“Are you guys sure that he’s supposed to be the oldest one here?” Daun asks.

“There’s only so much maturity that can go around when you’re 11 years old.” Tanah chuckles, throwing a blanket over Petir’s body and tucking him in on the couch. “I’m not that worried about it, to be honest, we should take advantage of this. Have all the fun we can get.”

“Wise words there.” Air nods in agreement. 

“My old master was a wise guy himself. A bit of an odd goof but a great guy nonetheless.” Tanah takes a seat by Petir’s feet. 

“Oh, that’s cool! Mine was pretty calm; she always kept her composure.” Angin chimes in. “She could also heal, you know! And had telepathical powers!” 

“What? Does that mean you can read minds too?!” Daun jumps up, startling poor Air to the point where he almost dropped his drink.

“Unfortunately, mind-reading doesn’t come with wind powers. And the closest thing to healing that I can do is probably soothing someone with a nice breeze.”

“Aww man…” The leaf element plops back down on Air. “What about Petir’s old master? He’s asleep, but I wanna know…”

“You’re really curious, aren’t you? I think Petir’s old user was a warrior, never backing down from a fight. Fought till the end.” Tanah explains briefly, not really remembering much himself. “At least, it was the latest user recorded before it got stolen…”

A brief moment of silence washes over them. 

They were all still uncomfortable with the topic of their old user before Boboiboy. This probably explains why one of the 7 elements was missing from this conversation.

“...I think I’m going to check up on those brownies.” Angin abruptly stands up. “Be right back!” He flashed them an unauthentic smile. 

He rushes to the kitchen, which wasn’t too far away, luckily. Though his feet step over something that makes a crinkly noise, it throws him off balance. His face makes contact with the tile floor before he even registers what he tripped over. 

“Ack—” He winces. The taste of floor tile isn’t very yummy.

“Ah, A-Angin…? Dear stars, I’m so sorry…!” He hears a voice whisper in a slightly panicked tone.

The wind element sits up and turns his head to face the source of the voice.

“...Sol…Cahaya?” 

The new light element fumbles nervously with the paper notes scattered across the tile. He looks up and nods shyly. “Yes…Cahaya…that’s my name. Right.” He stutters out. 

“What’s with all of the papers, bro?” He kneels down next to him, intrigued as to what he was up to.

“Uhm…” The newly formed element swiftly grabs them and shoves them inside a binder. The binder makes a little click noise when he shuts the little metal swirly that keeps the papers from falling out. “Nothing interesting.”

Angin reaches over to the paper under his foot. There’s a little mark on the paper now, one that looks suspiciously like his shoe. “Oops, I think I dirtied this one.”

“That’s okay, it’s my fault—my—I put it…” Cahaya looks at the paper, then back at Angin. “Messy…I made a mess, and you fell because of me. And—I apologize!” He manages to say.

“It’s no big deal! The fall isn’t that bad anyway. Air often leaves wet puddles everywhere he goes, that little water bubble he loves has caused many victims, so I’m kinda used to slipping!” Angin reassures him. 

He flips the paper over and skims through it. “...You were writing down the topic of our conversations?” He stares at the writing, confused.

You’d think this was some tactic to secretly listen in on them while they talked about their past users, but it not only included that, it included the topics that were outside of that too.

“Angin or Taufan. Wind element.” 

The other side had his name written on it.

“Lives up to his element’s nature personality-wise. Calm. A big chatter.”

As he read more, it dawned on him that Cahaya had been…observing him? There really wasn’t any other way to put this. It was a short but detailed list about who he was, what he liked, how he acted—

“I’m not a creep.” Cahaya hurriedly says. “I-I swear.”

Angin gives him an awkward smile. “Is this uhh…some sort of study?—”

“...” He doesn’t reply, looking away in embarrassment. 

“Do you want this back—”

Cahaya immediately grabs it and puts it in the binder once Angin hands him it. “...Sorry.” He mumbles.

“You’re funny!” Angin giggles, going up to the light element and pinching his cheeks.

“...Oww! You’re not going to further question me?”

“Why would I?” He tilts his head.

“...I was listening to your conversation with the others. Doesn’t that raise a few…uhm…red flags?”

“Why?”

“What do you mean by why? It was an invasion of privacy.”

“Not really! To be honest, we thought you were just silently watching us in a corner again! You were totally welcomed to do whatever it is you do!”

“...What?”

“I mean, there wasn’t anything much that we discussed anyway. We’ve got nothing to hide. You aren’t a threat anyway, so I’m not worried!” He pats Cahaya’s shoulders. “But…it would be nice if you chimed in sometimes. We’d love to get to know you more! You can ask us all the questions you want!”

“Get to know me?” Cahaya repeats back with a tinge of confusion in his voice. “How would that work?”

“Well, uh, it’s just like the things you wrote! For starters, you can tell us the things you like or dislike.”

“...How do I know the answer to that?”

“...” Angin blinks. “Don’t you like anything?”

“I’m supposed to know that?” Cahaya asks, and he seems alarmed. “...I haven’t learnt about that yet.” He says shamefully.

Ah. Sometimes Angin forgets that this guy is very…goes with the book for lack of a better word. That might be wrong, actually. Angin doesn’t know; he can’t remember when was the last time he willingly picked up a book that was non-fiction. 

“You can’t learn stuff like that from books, silly.” He shakes his head in amusement. “You’re supposed to figure it out…by uh…feelings…and stuff!”

“Feelings…?”

“Don’t overthink it, it’ll come to you naturally.”

“Oh—uhm…okay…” Cahaya bops his head, trying to understand. 

“Now, can I ask why you’re writing stuff down like that?” Angin asks, letting his curiosity take over.

“I…I wanted to learn more about you guys.” Cahaya gulps, a light pink hue coloured his cheeks. “So…I just…did uh—wrote.”

“Ehh…? Is that why? You could’ve just joined the conversation!”

“Well, I really couldn’t join that conversation. I wouldn’t have anything interesting to say, nor anything informative or…”

“Nonsense! You could’ve talked about…”

Angin thinks for a brief moment.

“...Okay, I see why…”

“Yeah…I don’t have any stories to tell about…you know who…I think you guys can comprehend what type of person he was.”

Angin hums. 

“If it makes you feel better, we don’t associate you with him!” 

“...?”

Angin wraps his hands around Cahaya, bringing him into a tight hug. “To us, you’re Cahaya!”

“I’m not sure I understand…”

“You will one day!”

☁︎･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･☁︎

“Feels like we’re having that conversation all over again…though I didn’t get that deep into it last time.” Taufan chuckles lightly.

“To be fair, we were 11. I don’t think any of us could comprehend that topic.” 

“What I said a few years ago still holds to this day if you’re wondering.”

Solar nods.

“Hey, I’m serious about this.” Taufan wears a serious and intense expression. He reaches over to hold both of Solar’s shoulders. “You will never even resemble an ounce of Retak’ka.”

“And, I know that—you’re perfectly capable of protecting yourself and everyone else, but…please let me in. I know, thoughts like these are hard to fight, so let me be the voice that reminds you of your worth outside of Retak’ka.”

Taufan shifts their position so he can more comfortably pull Solar into a tight hug. He pours all of his love and affection he has for his sibling into it. Hoping that Solar would feel the warmth he wishes to share with him.

“I promise you that in my eyes, you’re Solar. My youngest. Nothing more and nothing less. Perfect just the way you are…and innocent.”

Those few words were all it took for the dam to collapse.

One moment ago, Solar was hesitant to speak. Now Taufan finds himself clutching the youngest as he sobs into his chest, tears staining his shirt. 

“I just—I’m so scared…I don’t want to become like him…I don’t want to…It’s so terrifying. I hate getting reminded of him! I don’t want to harbor these thoughts—I…I want them to go away. How do I live with myself if I start to grow closer to being like him? I’d rather cease to exist than be the cause of anyone’s suffering again.” Solar speaks in a broken tone. His voice cracks with every sob that leaves his lips. 

Seeing his younger brothers in pain makes Taufan want to reassure them that everything’s going to be okay. But he doesn’t see Solar in his arms; he sees a version of him, specifically the one who lost control as Beliung. 

He stays silent. Unable to form a sentence to comfort someone for once. 

It was like looking into a mirror.

And that makes Taufan hate himself more. He feels selfish for even thinking about himself in a situation like this, yet he can’t shake that thought away.

Another thought that refuses to leave his mind was…

…How long had these feelings consumed Solar? Had he always thought like this? Or did something cause it?

And most importantly, what signs did he miss?

He should’ve been able to see that something was up with him. Yet somehow this managed to slip past his radar. Although it wasn’t the wind element’s fault that he was feeling like this, he feels like it was. 

Someone else was heavily affected by that monkey, that someone being one of the most powerful of them. Someone with this amount of strength in them managed to crumble. And unfortunately, there’s a little voice in his head that’s glad that he gets to see Solar like this—made Taufan feel less alone.

Taufan fixes his composure, not letting his sadness show.

“You’ve never been the reason for one's suffering—”

“But I am!” Solar shouts.

Crap.

He said the wrong thing.

“There’s so much…I can’t—I can’t even begin to list them all without feeling like I deserve to die! All the innocent people who died because of the power of Gamma…hell, I killed nearly all of your previous elemental holders! I’m the reason why you guys got trapped with Retak’ka! But why…why do you guys put up with me? Are you guys looking to die as well? I don’t want to kill—I don’t wanna be a killer…”

“Because you aren’t! Why do you think we hate that bastard so much? Because we saw him committing all those murders, not you. You’ve been nothing but a huge help to us. And he’s dead now, thanks to you.” Taufan’s voice comes through as gentle as a calm breeze. 

Solar sniffs, trying to stop crying, though that just makes him choke on his unshed tears. 

“Hu…Help? Don’t lie to me! I’m nothing but a danger to everyone! Every time I’m summoned to be of use to Boboiboy, I either mess it up completely or use too much power that it leaves Boboiboy in critical condition. I’m terrified of using my powers…and it makes me aim my shots so…awfully. I didn’t even have the guts to end Retak’ka myself. I made Halilintar do it…I was too scared. I’m such a coward, couldn’t even face him. If we weren’t using fusions and it were up to me to deliver the finishing move, I would’ve failed so badly…”

Taufan wasn’t sure where to go with this.

Solar seemed so done with himself. God, it was heartbreaking. Even the hug they’re sharing doesn’t feel comforting; it feels like he was trying to stop Solar from further breaking down. 

“Shut up!” Taufan yells.

Solar freezes, a bit taken aback from the sudden switch from soft comfort to a harsh scream.

“Stop saying such demeaning things about yourself! Do you even hear yourself?!” Tears of frustration well up in his eyes. “Shut up…just shut up…you’re not a danger. If you keep living in your past mistakes, how will you make time to celebrate your accomplishments? Fucking wake up!” 

“...Taufan…” The light element mumbles. Disappointment was bubbling in his chest. “I’m sorry…”

The wind element lets out a heavy breath. He blinks away the tears and mentally scolds himself for losing his cool.

“...You’re not at fault. Gosh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to blow up like that.” 

“It’s okay…I needed that anyway.” Solar leans his head against Taufan’s shoulder. “Being calm with it wasn’t working, so you had to resort to something more intense. I understand…”

Taufan entangles his shaky fingers through Solar’s hair, combing through it gently. “I still don’t like how harshly I worded that. Just accept my apology so we can both move on.”

“Huh—oh, uhm, yeah. Okay…I…forgive you?”

Taufan hums, giving Solar a small pat on the head. “Thanks.” He says with a sad yet sweet smile.

He lets go of Solar, finally breaking free from the hug after being stuck in that position for a good couple of minutes. “Don’t be discouraged from going to me when you’re feeling all down in the dumps because of that little outburst, I swear I’m usually more patient and understanding…”

“I know…I still trust you—if that makes you feel better.” Solar says a bit shyly. “I’ll take the words you said today into consideration.”

Taufan nods, his chest feels lighter now. He takes both of Solar’s hands and gives them a comforting squeeze. “Mhm…I’m here. I’ll always be here for you when you need me.”

The wind element can see a few more tears starting to form on Solar’s face. But he doesn’t look sad this time. 

“...Can I get another hug?”

“Of course.”

─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───

“How’d it go?” Blaze asks behind the sink. He was washing a plate.

“Well. I think. He opened up so, I’ll take that as a win.” Taufan takes a glass, fills it with water, and takes a huge sip of it. 

“So, what was the cause?”

“Huh?” He sets down the glass in the sink. Blaze lightly glares at him and starts washing it too.

“The reason why he was unconscious for like 30 minutes.”

“Crap—I completely forgot about that!” Taufan realizes that he forgot a crucial part that he intended to discuss with the light element.

“Oh come on!”

“Okay, in my defense, I was caught up in other stuff.” He sighs, pointing to the wet spot of Solar’s tears on his shirt.

Blaze raises an eyebrow. “Damn, you made that guy cry? I didn’t know that you had that in you, Upan. What did you guys talk about?” He sets the dishes aside on the drying rack.

Taufan stares at the ceiling and lets the name roll off his tongue bitterly. “...Retak’ka.”

“Oh.” The fire element tenses up. “That monkey is still bothering him?”

“Yup. He’s probably the root of the problem if I had to guess.”

“Can we resurrect him so that I can beat him up again?”

“Blaze.”

“What? Don’t act like you don’t want to beat the living shit out of him too.”

Taufan couldn’t help but let out a little laugh at that. “I appreciate the enthusiasm. Now, where’s Solar’s food? He’s burnt a lot of energy today so—”

“I ate it.” 

“...You did what?”

“You guys were talking for what felt like ages! The fried rice practically seduced me into eating it.”

“Why am I not surprised?” The wind element pinches his nose bridge whilst letting out a loud, audible sigh. “Guess I can whip out his favourite food then.”

“See! Happy endings! I get to eat my favourite meal, and he does too!”

“I’m sending you to deliver the food, and I want you to apologize for stealing his meal.”

“Fuck my life.”