Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shadow leaned over the seedlings, lined up in neat rows in the long, shallow planter. They were coming along quite nicely, even he had to admit. He carefully sprinkled water over the dry soil. Satisfied, he slid the tray holding the planter back into the shelf labeled “parsely”. Behind him, he inspected the lavender plants. Also coming along beautifully. In fact, ready to harvest. He picked up his secateurs and snipped some sprigs. He tied them in a bundle, ready to hang out to dry. It was nice to have some control over something, even if it was just his own garden. 

Increasingly, Shadow had been feeling like he wasn’t in control of much at all. Especially not himself. 

The past few years have been tough. From having total amnesia, not knowing who the hell he was, to finding out… and not liking the answer. And he was worried his friends felt the same. Well, he wasn’t even sure if he could call them his friends, as he hadn’t spoken to most of them since the black comet. Ashamed of himself, Shadow secluded himself away. He kept in touch with Rouge here and there. She was typically very busy anyway and didn’t seem to mind when Shadow would fall off the map for several weeks, unresponsive to her reaching out. Omega was… not the social type. Which Shadow appreciated.

He bought a house just outside the city. Lived quietly off of the cache of money that the Professor had left, squirrelled away for him… and Maria. But that couldn’t last forever. Which meant Shadow needed a job. He’s not sure how she did it, but Rouge was able to get him a job with GUN. And today was his first day. 

After tending to his garden, Shadow would normally have a cup of coffee before starting the day. He pulled the coffee can from its shelf and opened it up, peering inside. “Damn…” he said quietly. It was empty. Shadow sighed, cursing himself for putting the empty coffee can back on the shelf in the first place. He threw it into the recycle bin. 

Shadow hated coffee shops. He found them over-priced and often not as good as what he could brew himself at home. However, he hadn’t slept last night due to nerves and the usual anxiety that probably everyone has - the suffocating and racing thoughts and worrying and the remembering - like normal. And he didn’t want to make a bad first impression on his first day at GUN. At the Mean Bean, Shadow ordered a coffee, black, and sat by the window. 

It has been cold lately. Outside was grey and rainy. Monotone and ugly. Shadow thought he might have seen a pink dot across the street, but the window was covered in raindrops and difficult to see through. He took a sip of his coffee and pulled out his phone. It was Monday, which meant his favorite YouTuber, Mr. Yeast, will have uploaded a new video! Shadow was excited to see Mr. Yeast’s analysis of the most recent episode of Family Guy. He often had insightful views regarding the characters’ development and relationships. Before he could put his headphones in and start the video, the bell by the door rang, causing Shadow to look up.

An autumn breeze blew through the coffee shop, and in stark contrast to the ugly, grey day, came the bright, colorful Amy Rose. 

Amy. Shadow hadn’t spoken to her since the Black Comet. She stepped inside and shook the rain out of her umbrella and brushed a leaf from her quills. He first met Amy on Prison Island, when she threw her arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides, and pressed her face against his cheek. She was saying how happy she was to see him. Surprised, but trying not to show it, Shadow turned to her slowly and watched as her face dropped. Her hug and her smile weren’t meant for him, they were meant for Sonic. Probably no one would look at him the way Amy looked at him that day when she thought he was Sonic. He pried his eyes away from her and tried to find his excitement for the Mr. Yeast video again.

Shadow sighed and sipped his coffee. He went to press play on the Mr. Yeast video.

“Shadow!” Shadow started, nearly spilling his coffee and quickly placing his phone screen-down on the table. He looked up. “Shadow, it’s only me!” Amy said. She stood across the table from him, holding what appeared to be a pumpkin spice latte that may have been more whipped cream than coffee. “It’s been a while, how have you been?”

Shadow didn’t normally talk to anyone, especially not in person. Looking at her, he struggled to find his voice, “Amy. Hello,” he managed. He sipped on his coffee, feeling nervous for some reason. He searched his vocabulary for the appropriate, socially acceptable response to her question, “I’m well.”

“You’re as talkative as always, aren’t you?” It looked like she may have been smiling behind her thick, wool scarf. “Actually, it’s great that I ran into you. I’m hosting a party this weekend. It’s, um, for Sonic’s birthday.” Shadow sunk into his chair. “I’d love it if you could be there!” 

Something inside him felt warm. Like a candle lit in his chest. Probably one with an autumn scent, like leaves or cinnamon spice. Or maybe something floral. “Then I would love to come,” he said, trying to sound casual. 

Amy looked pinker than usual. Maybe it was the cold. They exchanged phone numbers and Amy promised to text him the “deets” later on today. Rouge and the others were coming, she said, so it would be a perfect opportunity to catch up with everyone. “It’s a surprise, by the way, so don’t tell Sonic!” She smiled brightly and said goodbye. Then she swiftly left. The bell on the door ringing, and the warmth of Mean Bean going with her.

It’s been years since Shadow had spoken to Sonic, it wouldn’t be difficult to not talk to him for another week. It may even be preferable. He sat quietly looking at his phone. He added a rose emoji next to her name in his contact page. Feeling embarrassed, he quickly locked his phone, picked up his coffee, and set off for work. 

***

At GUN headquarters, Shadow sat bored at his desk. He was to be Rouge’s personal assistant, but Rouge was often out doing field work. So Shadow’s work mostly consisted of him typing up reports and working through the stack of paper work she dropped on the desk this morning. “Just a few notes, sweetie,” she had said this morning, “Boss needs them at the end of each week. Anyway, I gotta go, byeeee!” 

But Shadow was certain there was no way this stack was from only one week. Some of these notes were dated a few months back. It was quite confusing, since it took almost no time at all for him to complete the work. He wondered why Rouge put it off for so long, until finally she was allowed to hire an assistant. 

Without more paperwork to do, there was nothing to distract him. Shadow thought about the party he had committed to going to. Unsure of why he agreed to it in the first place, he considered telling Amy he couldn’t come. Shadow wasn’t exactly the party type. He turned  the gold ring around his wrist. A nervous habit. What if Amy would be disappointed that he didn’t come? But then again, he would be there. The Faker. Amy didn’t usually notice other people when he was around. So maybe it wouldn’t matter anyway.

He felt a puff of air next to him as a new stack of papers came down on his desk. “All done, honey? Here’s some more for you!” Shadow could practically hear the heart emojis in Rouge’s voice. She leaned on the tall stack and peered down at him, her perfume swirling in the air around them. A soft floral, he thought. Maybe Jasmine. “What’s on your mind? You’re quieter than normal.”

It was her job to be that observant. And she was good at her job. “I got invited to Amy’s party this weekend,” Shadow answered solemnly. 

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Rouge said, rolling her eyes. “I’m surprised she invited you. What’s the problem?”

“Why is that surprising?” Shadow felt heat rush to his face, but hoped it wasn’t visibly apparent. Maybe the invite was out of pity. 

“I just didn’t think you would want to go to a party for Sonic.” She was right, that was probably the last thing he wanted to do. “But I think it would be good for you. It might be nice to get out of the house for once, right?” She drew out the “i” in “right” in a way you might when speaking to a child. 

“Right.” He turned the ring around his wrist again. “I was thinking of not going.”

Rouge tsked. “Oh honey,” she fluffed his quills, “Omega will be there, and he misses you.”

“Omega is an unfeeling robot who only thinks about killing.” 

“And who’s his best killing buddy that he hasn’t seen in 3 years?” She flicked his ear softly. “Anyway, think about it, handsome, everyone would love to see you.” She flashed a smile and then her face became serious. “This party isn’t actually for Sonic, you know. It’s for her.”

“It’s Amy’s birthday?”

“No, dummy, it’s Sonic’s birthday,” Rouge thought for a second, “actually it’s not his birthday either. His birthday was several months ago. But that’s why it’s a surprise! According to her.”

Shadow sat back in his chair and crossed his arms in anticipation for her explanation. How could this possibly be so important?

“Just show up, will you? If you don’t have a good time, you can leave. Oh, I almost forgot. These are for you too.” She added another stack of paperwork to Shadow’s desk. “Taa, sweetie. Thanks for your help!” Rouge sauntered off, her heels clicking on the tile as she walked away. Somehow, Shadow always felt like he was on the wrong side of one of her espionage missions when she wanted something from him. Though he wasn’t sure why she wanted this from him. 

He put his headphones in and got to work.

***

When Shadow returned home, it was already dark. He unlocked the front door and stepped into his house, which was also dark. And cold. He flicked on the lights as he slipped off his shoes and checked his phone. He nearly tripped over his feet when he saw a message come in.

Amy 🌹

Hey Shadow, here’s the details of the party!!! 

Location: My house

Date: 11/18

Time: 6PM - ??

Hope to see you there! Don’t forget, it’s a surprise! 🎉

Shadow’s heart raced. He felt like he should reply. But what should he say? Would Amy think it’s weird that he replied right away? Would it make it seem like he just looks at his phone all day? It was true, but he didn’t want Amy to think that of him. He decided that he would wait exactly five minutes before responding. He took in a deep breath and composed his message quickly before he could change his mind.

Thanks, I will be there. 🤠

-Shadow

Then he waited. And waited. Already six minutes had passed, but Amy hadn’t replied. Why wasn’t she replying? Shadow thought maybe it was stupid of him to send the cowboy emoji. Maybe it was stupid of him to reply at all. It was just an informational text! Did it even warrant a reply? Amy must think he’s such a nerd. Shadow put his phone down. Staring at it would not make him feel any better. He decided to watch some old episode of Family Guy to take his mind off of things. He always loved how carefree Peter was. He felt jealous sometimes of how Peter got to hang out with his friends at the Clam seemingly every night. Sitting in the dark, with the light of the television illuminating his living room, Shadow looked to the empty seat on his sofa and sighed. He went to bed early that night.

***

He was running, his heart pounding. Why couldn’t he run faster? He glanced over his shoulder to see her. Maria. She was trying her best to keep up, but she was already pushing it with her condition. She coughed into her elbow. Shadow squeezed her hand. Just a little farther, he thought, I’m sorry. We can’t stop now. He faced forward.

“Shadow!” She cried out, and came to a screeching halt.

“Maria, let’s go. This is no place to stop and rest.” He gently tugged her hand. 

She was looking at a fallen GUN soldier. “We have to help him.”

Shadow cursed under his breath. Her damn bleeding heart. “They mean to harm us. And we don’t have time for–” He heard heavy footfalls and yelling from down the hall. They have wasted too much time. Shadow scooped Maria up into his arms and ran, leaving the nameless, faceless GUN soldier behind. We must find the Professor and leave this place.

The hall ahead seemed to stretch for miles. Just as he thought he was nearing the Professor’s lab, the overhead lights illuminated, revealing yet more hallway ahead. In his arms, Maria coughed again. A fit. Shadow wished for her oxygen, but it was too cumbersome. They would have to improvise once they made it down to Earth. Finally, the coughing stopped. There was a buzzing sound in his ears. A high-pitched drone. He looked down to check on Maria, but she was gone. Melted through his arms, and lying on the floor several yards away.

“Maria!” He called. The heavy footsteps approached. More faceless men appeared, and they readied their guns. Shadow leaped to where Maria lay, but never touched the ground. He heard gunshots, and then deafening silence. The ARK melted away around him. Darkness.

Shadow woke up, safely in his home on Earth. Every time he woke up from these dreams, he had to readjust to the Earth’s gravity. Shadow sat up in his bed to look out the window. It was still dark out. The moon was full – or as full as it could be, with half of it being nothing but chunks floating around, finding their orbit around what was left of the moon. He winced, knowing he was responsible. As if on cue, the ARK floated in front. Shadow’s chest felt tight. Next time he had that dream, he thought, he would be able to save Maria. He could save the memory of her. 

He closed his eyes and took a breath. The next time he opened them, it was morning. 

***

The week went by in a flash. Rouge kept delivering more and more paperwork for Shadow to complete. It was incredible, he thought, how was there so much paperwork for him to do? How did Rouge ever get through all of this on her own? The cases blended together, but he thought he noticed the same names several times. 

In the greenhouse, the parsley seedlings had grown 3 inches already, and he planted the gardenia seeds that he had germinated. His miniature rosebush was starting to show pink buds. Shadow smiled at them, excited for the day when the roses would bloom. Amy, he thought. The party was today. This party isn’t actually for Sonic, you know. It’s for her. Rouge’s words played back in his head. He wasn’t sure what she meant by that. 

A gift, he thought. For the hostess, of course. For hosting the party in her home. Not for the Faker, who Shadow already knew would be unappreciative of Amy’s efforts. There was something off about Sonic. Something that made Shadow think of Omega, but in a less… Murdery way. He pushed Sonic out of his mind. 

Hanging over the seedling shelf in the greenhouse were the lavender sprigs Shadow cut. He originally wanted to have the dried bouquet for his own home, he thought it would look nice on the kitchen table. But maybe Amy would appreciate it more. He took the bundle of dried lavender and wrapped it up in some butcher paper he had, and tied it together with a length of kitchen twine. 

Do I tie a bow? Shadow thought nervously, Is it too much if there’s a bow? Maybe Amy would appreciate it. He quickly tied a small bow before he could change his mind and sat the bouquet on the island counter. He stared at it for far too long, thinking what if this is stupid? What if Amy doesn’t like it? One of the sprigs of lavender looked a little sad. What if she notices, and thinks he’s giving her a shoddy bouquet? Stop it, it’s fine. It’s just a small host gift. She’ll probably throw it out anyway. His stomach dropped at that. Shadow turned on the TV to watch more Family Guy before the party. 

***

He didn’t want to arrive too early, but he thought it would be rude of him to show up late. Shadow decided that he would arrive exactly on time. So he stood outside of Amy’s house waiting for 6pm on the dot. Shadow clutched the lavender bouquet and took a deep breath, raising his hand. Before he could knock, the door opened. On the other side there was Amy.

“You’re right on time!” she looked up at him and smiled warmly. She was wearing a red dress like she normally does. The collar came up to her neck. It was sleeveless, and the fabric hugged her hips and ended at her knees. Shadow’s heart was pounding in his chest so loud, he worried Amy could hear it too. 

“These are for you,” Shadow said quietly, handing her the bouquet, “Thank you for inviting me.”

“These are beautiful, thank you!” Amy took the bouquet and lifted it to her nose. Her lashes looked heavy resting over her eyes as she breathed in the scent. “They smell amazing. Come on in, and I’ll find a vase.” She stepped aside and motioned for Shadow to enter, “Almost everyone is here already.” As he moved past her, he could smell her perfume which, he thought, complimented the lavender. Once inside, Amy went to the kitchen to find a vase.

Shadow could not fathom why she was holding a surprise birthday party for Sonic in November, when he had already had his birthday earlier this year. Something didn’t add up. Nonetheless, he was happy to see her today. Shadow stood in the living room where the music was playing too loud, he thought, for how small the room was. He spied Rouge and Omega by the snack table, and let out a sigh of relief as he crossed the room to meet them. 

“Shh everyone! Here he comes!” Amy called out as she ran back into the living room, setting down the small vase with lavender on the coffee table. She turned off the lights. “Get ready!”

The room fell quiet. Shadow heard the rustling of keys, and two people laughing coming from outside. His stomach dropped. He had a bad feeling about this. In slow motion, the doorknob turned and the door opened.

“Happy birthday!” Everyone said, except for Shadow, who was not aware he had a line to say. 

Sonic looked confused. And there was someone with him that Shadow didn’t recognize. A squirrel with brown fur. He looked at her and said “Happy birthday!”

The squirrel girl slapped him on the chest playfully, “You know it’s not my birthday.” And that’s when Shadow noticed Sonic’s arm around her waist. A wave of heat washed over Shadow. He quickly turned to look at Amy, whose smile had gone. Shadow thought that Amy and Sonic had been dating for a while now. At least a couple of years, going by Rouge’s accounts.

Amy forced a smile and said, “Surprised, right? Happy 7 months until your next birthday!” 

“You’re so…. Thoughtful” Sonic said finally, clearly uncomfortable. Amy was bright red, clearly embarrassed. 

“Sorry I’m late!” Knuckles appeared behind Sonic and the squirrel girl, holding a case of Bud Light over his head. “I got confused about the location since Amy said it was at ‘my house’ but then no one showed up.”

“Hey, Knucklehead!” Sonic said, but Knuckles didn’t appear to be insulted, “Now it’s a party!” And everyone carried on as if nothing had happened. Amy disappeared, but no one seemed to notice. Shadow thought maybe she just went to the bathroom.

Shadow met up with Rouge and Omega. “I told her,” Rouge said, “A surprise birthday party months after the actual birthday doesn’t make any sense.” She swirled a wine glass. “Sonic was never going to be able to appreciate this.”

“AFFIRMATIVE. SONIC SUCKS.” Omega added. “SONIC’S PARAMETERS FOR COMPASSION ARE SUB-OPTIMAL FOR A RELATIONSHIP.”

Rouge nodded in agreement, then leaned in close to Shadow, “That girl – Sally – wasn’t invited,” she said in a low voice, “That’s Sonic’s ex.”

“SHE APPEARED TO BE SONIC’S ‘CURRENT.’” Omega said too loudly. Shadow feared someone would hear. 

“I thought he was with Amy.” Shadow said with more venom than he expected, even when talking about that faker.

“Not exactly. But you know how Amy is. She’s so hopeless when it comes to Sonic.” Rouge took a sip of wine. “I just hope this is the last straw for her. None of us really like Sonic. But we want to see her happy.” She swirled her glass around again. “You want some, sweetie? The drinks are in the kitchen.” 

Shadow nodded and excused himself to the kitchen. The wine selection was what he had expected for a casual party such as this. Boxed. But he poured himself a glass anyway. The party seemed to be mostly in the living room area. Shadow spotted Tails chatting with Sonic and Knuckles, and wondered if he was even old enough to be here. Something about that little nerd made him want to smack him. But he resisted the urge. 

He took a moment to appreciate the quiet and lifted the glass of wine to his nose. Smells like… Boxed wine. He took a sip. Tastes like boxed wine. Then he heard what sounded like faint sobbing coming from the walk-in pantry. He opened the door to find Amy sitting on a box of canned goods, her head in her hands. “Amy?” He said quietly. His heart skipped a beat. “What are you doing in here? Do you… Do you need help reaching something on the shelf?”

Amy gave a weak laugh. “No. Thank you though.” She folded her hands together and held them to her head. “I can’t believe he brought her here,” She sobbed.

“Sonic’s parameters for compassion are sub-optimal. That’s what Omega says anyway.” But Shadow couldn’t help but agree.

“That’s putting it lightly.” Amy put her hands over her face again and sobbed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing.”

Shadow stepped inside the small pantry and closed the door behind him. “No apologies necessary.” He tried to sound calm, but inside his heart was racing a million miles a minute. Seeing her like this felt wrong. Amy, who was always positive and happy. Who lit up every room. Always making others smile. Maybe there was something he could do. 

“Amy… I…” Shadow began. Amy looked up at him with her shining green eyes, wet with tears. Shadow made a mental note to take revenge on Sonic at the next opportunity. He pulled out his phone, nearly dropping it, and opened YouTube. “Look at this,” he said, and sat down next to her and held his phone so they could both see. “I love these videos,” he opened up a video from his liked videos list: Family Guy Funny Moments Part 405 and tapped play, “They get a laugh out of me sometimes.”

Amy didn’t say anything, she just watched. But Shadow noticed she had stopped trembling, and the tears were gone. As they watched Peter fight the chicken man in one of those classic bits that overstays its welcome but in the funniest way, Shadow felt Amy rest her head on his shoulder. That’s when he realized, Oh God, he thought. He could hear his heart beating in his ears, practically echoing off the walls of the too-small pantry, She’s so close. 

She was so close, their knees were touching. Shadow could almost name the perfume she was wearing. It smelled like his greenhouse at home, he thought. He prayed that she couldn’t hear his heart beat, though he was almost certain she could. The sound was deafening. Shadow couldn’t even hear the video anymore, all he heard was the thump, thump, thump from inside his chest. Why was this happening? 

The pantry door swung open. “Oh shit, sorry,” Knuckles said, “I didn’t realize anyone was in here,” He reached for the bag of chips on the shelf next to Shadow’s head, “Nice,” he said, winking at Shadow, and quickly left, closing the door behind him. 

Amy stood up quickly, “I– I have to go,” she reached for the door, “Thanks, Shadow.” 

And then she was gone. The smell of her perfume lingering in the air. Shadow remained for a few minutes, thinking. Why did Knuckles look at him like that? His whole body felt hot. Did that really just happen? His shoulder burned where Amy’s head was resting. And he had never watched Family Guy Funny Moments with anyone else before. He felt a bit embarrassed, and wondered why Amy had to leave in such a hurry. Maybe she didn’t even like Family Guy. No, don’t be ridiculous, he thought. 

He thought maybe he should go home. He slipped out the back door after exiting the pantry, hoping no one would notice. 

***

In the days that followed, Shadow didn’t hear from Amy. He wanted to reach out and see if she was doing ok, but he couldn’t work up the courage to do it. He asked Rouge how she was doing. Bad, apparently. Rouge didn’t go into detail. And he didn’t tell her about the pantry, he felt embarrassed. 

Rouge dropped another huge stack of paperwork on his desk. Shadow was beginning to see reports he was sure were duplicates. “Thanks, honey. You’re really saving me here.” She said, batting her eyelashes. 

“Was my work last week satisfactory?” Shadow asked, “I have not yet received any feedback.” 

Rouge patted his head, “Yes, you’re doing great.” She smiled wide in a way that made him feel that something was off. Or was that just how she was all the time? “By the way, guess who I’m going to lunch with.”

Shadow hated these guessing games. There were several billion people on Earth, and he was meant to guess which one person it could be? “I don’t know. Knuckles.” He said, annoyed. They heard the elevator door ding, causing Shadow to look up. “Amy,” he breathed.

She wore a white turtleneck sweater, a tan plaid skirt with sheer black tights, and the same wool scarf she had been wearing when he saw her at the coffee shop. It covered her mouth, making her expression difficult to read. He met her eyes and waved at her, smiling.

“Oh my,” Rouge said in that annoying, teasing way, “You’re blushing!” 

Shadow shushed her, “Knock it off!”

“You know, she’s available now.”

“I thought she was going to lunch with you?” 

Rouge rolled her eyes. “You know what I meant.” But Shadow didn’t. “I’ll put in a good word for you,” She said, heart emojis practically pouring from her mouth as she left with Amy.

Shadow’s heart was racing again. Maybe he had too much caffeine this morning. He started looking through the paperwork Rouge had given to him to distract himself, but it wasn’t helping. He thought about the pantry again, for probably the millionth time since it happened only 6 days ago. He hasn't even had the usual nightmares since then.

Last night he dreamt of looking out onto the Earth from the ARK like he normally would with Maria back then. But when he turned to face Maria, there was Amy instead. And she smiled at him, taking his hand… No, Shadow thought, It’s wrong. That was where Maria and I… It wasn’t a place for anyone else. It felt like a betrayal of her memory to bring someone else there. Maria wouldn’t want that, he thought. Not even in a dream.

Shadow turned the ring around his wrist again and again, trying to think of anything else. That night in the pantry… No! Not that either! He was tired of his heart beating so fast every time he thought of it. The smell of her perfume. The way she sighed. Her dress. Why could he not stop thinking about it! He put his head on his desk. He wondered how Amy felt about it. Maybe she didn’t even remember.

Mercifully – or not, Shadow couldn’t decide which – Rouge returned to the office around an hour later, pulling him out of his brain. “Great news!” She said on her return. “Amy is a total wreck!”

“How could that possibly be good news?” Shadow asked, lifting his head from his desk.

”She says she’s swearing off Sonic.” Rouge grinned in a way that made Shadow a little nervous. 

Shadow sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. I’m not playing this game with you, he said with his glare.

Rouge was unfazed, “So, we want you to come out with us tonight!”

He was unsure of how the two things were related, but felt confident he would get no answers if he asked. And in any case, he had already planned to watch Family Guy reruns alone on his couch once work was over. This was such short notice, he didn’t have nearly enough time to mentally prepare himself to be social again so soon after his last social outing.

“I know you’re already thinking of excuses,” Rouge’s gaze was piercing. She smiled again and dealt the final blow, “But Amy said she really wanted you to be there.”

“I’ll go.” He said quickly, trying to act casual. And probably failing, judging by Rouge’s laugh.

”I knew I could count on you!” She practically jumped over the desk to hug him, “You’re going to have a great time, I promise. We’ll leave together after work. No getting out of it! And no slipping away without saying goodbye this time.”

Shadow winced at that. He had hoped no one noticed that he was gone. Though it was nice to know his presence was missed by Rouge. As much of a pain as she could be, she was probably his closest friend. She would check in on him every now and again, even when Shadow tried to shut out the rest of the world. Without her, he feared where he might be today.

”Rouge,” Shadow returned her hug, “Thanks.”

***

After work, Rouge ushered Shadow into her car. Apparently there was a local band playing at the bar Rouge and Amy like. Shadow had never heard of them before. But it was probably hard to hear about anyone when you’re such a shut-in. Rouge walked with Shadow to the door, but said something about forgetting her lipstick in the car. 

“Order me a dry martini, will you sweetie? I’ll be right back.” She said.

Shadow nodded and went inside, and ordered Rouge’s drink as well as a neat whiskey for himself and sat down. It looked like perhaps not many people wanted to see the live band. The bar was pretty quiet.

“You came!” Shadow nearly choked on his drink. Amy sat down next to him, “I’m so glad you’re here. I was worried I’d be a third wheel tonight.”

He wasn’t sure what she meant by that, but he was glad he came too. Amy was smiling, but he could tell by the dark circles around her eyes that she hadn’t been sleeping well. He raised his glass to her, “I’m grateful for the invite. Rouge is—“

Knuckles burst through the door with something attached to his face. Wait, that was Rouge. Suddenly Shadow understood Amy’s “third wheel” comment. “Thanks, honey,” She said to Shadow as she grabbed the martini off the bar. She took a sip and then resumed kissing Knuckles in a way Shadow thought he would be embarrassed to do in public. 

Amy sighed, “A cosmo, please,” she said to the bartender, "They're like this a lot. Oh, can you excuse me? I’ll be right back.” Amy got up and walked towards the bathroom. Shadow sipped his drink, watching her leave.

Rouge pushed Knuckles off of her and shooed him away. She pulled out a compact mirror and reapplied her lipstick. “So,” she said, “You have a crush.”

Shadow did choke this time, “A what?” He coughed.

”Don’t be embarrassed!” Her tone softened, but her eyes were distressingly sharp. “Listen. I’ll take care of everything.” She winked and shut her compact mirror in her hand with a satisfying click.

A crush? Something about the way she said it made Shadow feel horribly uneasy. Of course Shadow knew what that was. He had seen Stewie Griffin have crushes before on Family Guy. But they never ended well. And anyway, Amy was clearly still upset over Sonic. There was no way Shadow could act on his crush right now. If he had one. Which he doesn’t. 

“I’m sure you’re already overthinking it,” She poked a finger into Shadow’s chest, “Don’t. I promise you’ll thank me later.”

Rouge snapped her fingers and Knuckles returned to her. Behind them, Shadow could see Amy coming back this way. His heart raced. His stomach was doing flips. 

Amy sat next to Shadow at the bar and downed her drink in one impressive, but also scary gulp. Shadow looked at her, eyes wide, then looked to his right where Knuckles and Rouge were trying to fuse together starting with their mouths. He had no idea what he was expecting when he agreed to come out tonight, but it certainly was not this. “One more, please,” Amy said to the bartender. Shadow sipped his drink nervously. 

After some time, the band began to play. Shadow and Amy made light conversation. As much as he wanted to talk about that night in the pantry, he couldn’t make himself bring it up. And to what end, anyway? To remind her of what a terrible night she had? 

“Another cosmo, pleeeeeease,” Amy said, lifting her empty glass. This will be number 3, Shadow thought. 

“And a water,” he said. Cosmos were so sugary, he was certain Amy would be regretting this in the morning. The bartender set the glass of water in front of Shadow, and he pushed it towards Amy, who was already halfway through cosmo number 3. He looked to Rouge for help, but she was… preoccupied. 

“It’s so hot in here. Don’t you think it’s so hot?” Amy asked. She leaned on the bar, head in her hand, looking up at Shadow.

He nodded. He felt extremely hot. He was thankful for the loud band, since there was no way Amy could hear his heart beating over it. It was pounding in his chest again, he could scarcely hear anything else. 

“And it’s loud.” She finished off cosmo number 3, “Bartender!” She shook the empty glass at him.

”I think you should have some water,” Shadow said, becoming more worried. “Are you hungry?”

”What?” Amy leaned in close, Shadow could feel her breath on his ear. “It’s so loud, don’t you think?” He nodded, voice caught in his throat. “Let’s go outside.” Before he could protest, Amy was up out of her seat and making for the door without even putting her coat on.

Shadow cursed under his breath. He took both of their coats and followed her outside. It had snowed since they were inside. The thin blanket silencing everything around it. Normally Shadow would enjoy the quiet, but now he only felt nervous. “Put this on,” Shadow ordered, and helped Amy get her arms into the sleeves of her coat. “There,” he said. He straightened the collar of her wool coat around her front. 

Amy was looking at him with those big eyes again. She put her hands over his, “Shadow,” she said quietly. Shadow returned her gaze, waiting. A gust of wind blew through them, kicking up the powdery snow on the ground, but Shadow didn’t feel cold. “Do you think I’m cute?”

His eyes widened. He took his hands back. What a random question. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

”Is there something wrong with me?”

”I think you’re drunk.” Shadow said flatly. 

“And he always forgot our anniversary!” She yelled. She held her head in her hands and sobbed. Him. Shadow thought, Of course. This is about him. That faker. Shadow wondered how they could have an anniversary if they weren’t ever officially dating, but maybe there was more to the situation that he didn’t know. Amy looked up at him again. “Would you forget our anniversary?”

Shadow remembered the exact time and date that they met for the first time on Prison Island. He remembered the smell of her perfume that day. He remembered how he felt when she threw her arms around him. He remembered how her breath felt on his cheek. Shadow looked at Amy, trying to quiet his pounding heart. “No.” He said simply. 

The word came out quieter than he intended and hung in the air like mist. Amy was silent. Looking at him expectantly. She wanted more. Her gaze made him feel hot, and his heart race. He couldn’t understand why. Maybe it was guilt. Amy was clearly hurting. Vulnerable. And he didn’t know how to comfort. But he wanted to. He figured anyone would have answered the same way. 

He stepped towards her and brushed a leaf from the top of her head, his hand lingering on the quills that framed her face. Her eyes closed and she leaned into his hand. Shadow froze, his breath caught and for a heartbeat, he forgot how to move. His chest felt tight, though he couldn’t explain why. Shadow drew his hand back. Amy opened her eyes suddenly.

“I’m drunk,” she said.

“Yes,” Shadow herded her back inside, “Let’s get you some water.” He held the door open for her, but didn’t immediately follow. What just happened? He thought. A gust of wind blew through him again, and this time he felt the cold. He was freezing now, except for his hand which burned like a brand. His pulse was still pounding in his ears. 

He tried to shake the feeling, but it wouldn’t leave. He could still feel the weight of Amy’s head in his hand. “Get a grip, damn it.” He muttered under his breath. He was just concerned for Amy. Nothing more. 

A flicker of movement caught his eye through the fogged window. Rouge, sipping her drink, her chin propped on one gloved hand. She was watching him. When their eyes met, she smiled faintly. Her smug laugh rang in his ears. Heat returned to his cheeks. Of course she was watching. What if this was somehow a part of her plan? Her way of “taking care of everything.” It would be just like Rouge. Arranging people like chess pieces, pretending it was coincidence. 

Inside, the band was packing up. Shadow had no clue how long they were outside, but it felt like only minutes. Rouge was reapplying her lipstick again, and Shadow wondered how much lipstick she went through. And how wasteful it is to put some on only to smear it across Knuckles’ face. Amy was finally drinking some water. Shadow sighed in relief. 

“Knuckles, honey,” Rouge said, peeling her face from his, “I think Amy has had enough, will you make sure she gets home safely?”

Knuckles nodded dutifully. He’s a protector by nature, so Shadow was glad that he would be taking care of Amy. Though Shadow would have done it himself. Then he thought of walking her home, her half holding onto him, and him half carrying her in her drunken state. Quiet and alone together. Maybe it’s for the best that Knuckles takes her after all. Knuckles helped Amy down from the tall barstool and walked her out with his massive gloved hand on her shoulder. Shadow watched them leave.

“Another, please.” Shadow said to the bartender, and he held his head in his hands. He barely had anything to drink tonight, but the world was spinning around him. His heart still pounding. Thoughts racing. 

“Aren’t you glad you came?” Rouge said smugly, “Don’t worry about Knuckles, he’s a perfect gentleman.”

“What the hell was this?” Shadow asked in a low voice, “Why did you bring me tonight? What did you want to happen?”

“Are you saying you didn’t enjoy yourself?” She smiled at him and winked. Shadow met her eyes. He stared, unblinking in a way that he hoped would convey the fact that he wasn’t interested in playing her game. “The four of us used to go out together all the time.”

“The four of you?” Shadow’s stomach sank, leaving him feeling hollow. 

“Me, Knuckles, Amy,” She continued. Shadow gripped his glass. “And Sonic.”

Of course. Shadow was merely a replacement. He slotted right into the space Sonic left. Amy had even mistaken him for Sonic before, so why couldn’t he take Sonic’s place now? It must make perfect sense to her. Shadow had never felt like such a faker. “Why on Earth do you think I would want this?” He tried to keep his voice low, but there was so much anger building inside. His words came out as a growl.

“I thought you would just like to have some fun!” She smiled confidently, “Amy could use it.”

“Are you so blind to her emotions?” Shadow slammed his fist on the bar, causing some glasses to clink, and the room to fall silent for a moment. “And do you think so little of me?” It made him sick. To think that anyone thought that Shadow would take advantage of the emotional turmoil Amy was in just for a bit of “fun.”

Rouge stared at him for a moment and smiled, her gaze softening, “So the Ultimate Life Form can fall in love,” she was unfazed by Shadow’s outburst. 

Shadow flushed, his cheeks burning. “You of all people should know I…” He trailed off, and put his head in his hands again, “You should know I can’t…”

“Maria would want that for you,” Rouge placed a hand on his back, “I missed the mark this time, but I know Maria wouldn’t want you to close your heart off to everyone else.” 

“You know nothing.” Shadow moved from Rouge’s touch and stood up. How could she speak of her as if she knew her? He placed some cash on the table for his drinks and began walking home. 

His house was cold, dark, and lonely. Like usual.

Chapter Text

Never again, Shadow thought to himself as he was pruning the miniature rosebush in his greenhouse. The pink roses must have bloomed while he’d been away at work that day, and he was furious to have missed it. That was a couple of weeks ago now. Shadow hadn’t been back to work. He hadn’t spoken to Rouge, either. And she didn’t seem interested in reaching out to him thus far, which quite honestly pissed him off. He snipped a stray branch aggressively.

No sorry. No are you okay? Not even are you coming to work today? Once, the silence between them had felt like understanding. Now it just felt like distance. Suffocating, deliberate distance. The part that pissed him off the most was the suspicion that Rouge wanted him to break it. Why should he? This was her mess. He snipped a branch too quickly, taking one of the rose blooms with it.

“Damn it!” He slammed the secateurs onto the table. A few terracotta pots teetered, then toppled. Hitting the tiles in sharp, hollow bursts. Shards scattered at his feet. He swore again and moved to get the broom, but stopped. The sound still echoed in the greenhouse. Sharp and clean. 

Slowly, deliberately, he shoved another neat stack of empty terracotta pots onto the floor. They came down with a satisfying crash, breaking into hundreds of pieces. He went for another, but hesitated. Rouge’s laugh rang in his ears. She would love this, he thought. How becoming of him. 

 As if to annoy him further, Shadow’s phone pinged with a message from Rouge. 

Rouge 💎: Still talking to your plants more than people?

Shadow could scream. That’s what she has to say after all this time? His thumbs flew across the keyboard, his jaw tight.

Shadow: 🖕

-Shadow

Rouge 💎: You don’t have to sign every one of your text messages.

Rouge 💎: I can literally see who they’re coming from

Shadow: 🖕🖕

-Shadow

Rouge 💎: So are you coming back to work, or should I start watering your plants?

Shadow: Don’t touch my plants

-Shadow

Shadow waited for her to write back, but after several minutes there was nothing. Silence again. Troublemaker, he thought. He knew what she was doing. Shadow could practically see her smirking, counting down the minutes before Shadow would show up to GUN HQ. Puppet master that she is. 

The greenhouse felt too still now, the air heavy. From the humidity, probably, and it felt like a weight in Shadow’s lungs. He looked around him. Shattered terracotta pots all over the floor. He checked his phone again. No new messages. He turned his phone over in his palm and wound up as if to throw it, but stopped himself. He brushed the dirt from his gloves and took his coat. He was going to go check on his office plants, obviously. Not to see what it was Rouge wanted. 

***

His office was exactly as he left it. Except for his plants, which had been watered. Badly. Shadow sighed. Of course she did. Rouge was sitting at his desk, boots up, and a file open in her lap. She didn’t need to look up. She knew he was there.

“Are you done with your tantrum?” She flipped the page in her file.

Shadow clenched his fist, “You overwatered them,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Don’t worry sweetie, the air is so dry in here anyway. They’ll survive.” Rouge still didn’t look at him.

“Surely you didn’t call me here just to talk about potted plants.” 

“Well actually, I was under the impression that you were still employed here,” she closed the file in the palm of her hand, meeting Shadow’s eyes with a devastating glare. Her eyeliner was uneven. Barely, but he noticed. That was unusual for her. “Unless you don’t want to be anymore.”

Frankly, Shadow was surprised he still had a job after disappearing for nearly two weeks. And not telling anyone. “You had me typing reports on the same thirty cases over and over again. Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” Shadow ground his teeth. 

“I thought you liked structure.” She dropped her eyes to the file again, suddenly fascinated.

“I like purpose.”

“Then how about you show up for work?” She said quickly, like she rehearsed that one.

Shadow sucked in a sharp breath through his nose, trying to calm himself. “Why am I here?” he asked quietly, his voice shaking.

“For a paycheck.” Her voice was sharp. Her eyes narrowed. 

Shadow squeezed his eyes shut. Pity, he thought. A charity case. He felt a weight on his chest, emptiness in his stomach. 

“Shadow,” Rouge stood and came around the desk, file in her hands. She pushed it gently into his chest.

Her expression softened and she smiled weakly. This wasn't the teasing or smug smile he had grown used to. It felt more real. Shadow felt her warmth again. She opened her mouth, but paused. Then, “I need this report by tomorrow morning.”

He glanced at the file, ready to dismiss it. But it wasn't the usual stack of inventory lists and tedious forms. It was a real field report. Something that actually mattered. He looked up, but Rouge was already walking away. 

“Welcome back,” she said as she left, her heels clicking against the tile.

Freaking sweet, Shadow thought. Finally.

He sat down at his desk and opened the file again. One of GUN’s commissioned scientists was getting a little too comfortable. Taking too many liberties. Progress on his project appeared to be coming in slow. That, or the scientist was not sending his updates properly. 

Familiar.

Unease crept up his spine. He turned the ring around his wrist. Shadow took in a deep breath, trying to remove himself from the case. On his way home tonight, he’d restock on plant pots. 

***

A few days later, Rouge sent him a single picture: a stall at the winter market with bags of black ivory coffee beans. She needn’t say more. That evening, Shadow was there.

But the winter market was unbearable. There were too many people, too much noise, and everything smelled like cinnamon. Every stall was playing a different Christmas song, overlapping into one relentless jingle. A total assault on Shadow’s senses. It was worse than the time he fell to Earth from the Space Colony ARK. 

He told himself that it would all be worth it if he could find that coffee stall. Then he could go back home. Shadow passed stall after stall, scanning each quickly and then moving on when he heard it. A laugh that rose over the bustling of the crowd, sweet and familiar. He slowed, scanning the stalls. Then he saw her.

Amy stood by a table of handmade candles, chatting with the vendor. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold. He watched the condensation from her breath as she spoke, though he couldn’t hear what she was saying from where he was. The annoying Christmas music fell away. He didn’t notice the crowd anymore. 

It had been a few weeks since he’d last seen Amy. He hadn’t spoken to her since that night at the bar. And he wasn’t sure if he was ready to now. Shadow tried to tear his eyes from her and move forward.

She turned just as he forced himself to look away. Their eyes met. Too late. Amy’s eyes lit up and she waved excitedly at him. Shadow stiffened and cursed himself for staring at her for so long like a creep. Social interaction was imminent. Social interaction with Amy. 

“Shadow!” she weaved through the crowd to meet him.

“Amy,” he said quietly.

Amy smiled wide. She must have been really excited about the candle she bought. “Fancy meeting you here. It’s been a while,” She started walking. Shadow fell in step with her.

“Yes,” Shadow put his hands in his pockets, “It’s been…” He tried to come up with an excuse for his radio silence. He thought about the broken terracotta pots he still hadn’t cleaned up in the greenhouse, “busy.”

He felt awful for not speaking with Amy since that night at the bar. He thought maybe he should make sure she got home alright, or see if she felt sick in the morning. If she needed anything. But at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel like a stand-in for Sonic. A faker. Shadow wasn’t what she needed.

They passed a few more market stalls. The cinnamon smell was giving way to vanilla. The string lights were glowing beautifully against the night sky, though, practically, they provided very little light.

Amy bumped into him as if to remind him she were still there. Like he could forget. “So what are you shopping for?” she asked.

“Coffee.”

“Oh right, you can’t find that anywhere else,” Amy laughed, poking him with her elbow.

Shadow smiled, “I was told that there was a vendor selling black ivory coffee beans.”

“Fancy beans. Got it,” she took his arm, “Okay! I’ll help you find them,” she said, as if Shadow had begged the favor. Maybe if he were slightly more brave he would have, though. He started to feel hot again.

But Amy kept getting distracted by stalls and tables that were completely irrelevant to their bean mission. Wool hats, fleece blankets, more candles. Every few feet she would stop and admire something new, and when she did, Shadow would stop too. 

“Oh Shadow, look!” She pointed to some baubles shaped like Chaos Emeralds, “you need these for your tree.”

Shadow smiled at her and nodded. He bought one, although he didn't have a Christmas tree at home. 

“And look over here!” She was already at the next stall. Her eyes were sparkling. He decided he didn't mind the detours. They carried on that way until they reached the final vendors at the market. 

“This is the end,” Shadow said, forlorn. No fancy beans.

“Not quite,” Amy took his arm and walked him around the corner, “ta-da!” She gestured to the massive Christmas tree, filling the market square. 

It was truly amazing. A big, beautiful fir, tastefully adorned with lights and large baubles. Not too much that you couldn't appreciate the tree underneath. At the top, a gold star. Shadow admired it for a moment.

Amy brushed her thumb over Shadow's arm. He suddenly became acutely aware of her touch. “We have to take a picture together,” she said. 

“We do?” 

“Yup!” Amy turned them both around and pulled out her phone. She leaned in close and snapped the picture before he could refuse. She laughed and showed the photo to Shadow, “you look great!”

He looked like a deer in headlights. Amy, on the other hand, had a perfect smile. The Christmas lights made her skin glow. 

“You do too,” Shadow said quietly.

He moved his eyes from the photo to the real thing. Was she pinker than usual? She was looking at him expectantly, her gaze soft and warm. The noise from the market felt far away. Shadow’s heart raced as Amy placed her hands on his arms, her lips parted. 

The only thing he could hear now was the sound of his own heart beating. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move. He swallowed hard, “The– the coffee beans,” he said quickly, “we never found them.”

Shadow saw a flash of disappointment in Amy's eyes, but it quickly faded. She smiled, “I have a crazy idea,” she pulled a pamphlet from one of her shopping bags, “let's check the vendor directory.” 

“You had that the whole time?”

“Yup!” She opened it up and studied it for a moment, “This way!” She started walking back the way they came. 

Shadow wasn't sure how he could miss the stall when they went to almost every single one together. He followed Amy to the beans. 

A lot of the vendors were packing up, making Shadow concerned. He didn't know how much time had passed since he got here, but it didn't feel like a very long time. The Christmas music had stopped. 

“Oh no, bad luck!” Amy said as they approached an empty stall, “they already packed up for the night.”

“Damn,” but Shadow didn't feel that bad, really. 

“There's always next time,” Amy turned to face him, taking a step closer, “I had a really good time tonight.” 

“Me too,” he put his hands in his pockets and smiled at her. 

“Shadow, I…” she paused, her eyes not meeting his, “I'd like to do this again.”

“You want to come here again?” He wasn't sure why she needed his permission to come to a public space. 

“Here. Or anywhere,” she lifted her eyes to meet his again, “with you.” 

Shadow blinked.

“On a date.”

A date, she said. Shadow felt a stone in his throat. For a second, the idea felt possible. He felt so light. Another day, as perfect as this. Maybe they could come back here and get the coffee, or they could go to dinner. Maybe they could watch a few episodes of Family Guy together. Maybe he could show her the greenhouse…

No, he couldn’t.

Then came the thoughts buzzing like bees. Did Rouge put her up to this? Maybe she lured Amy here too. Maybe Amy was still looking for a replacement for Sonic. And besides, Maria… It felt wrong. Like Maria could fade away if he let something like whatever this is into his life.

He looked away from her. 

“I'm sorry,” he said quietly.

“Oh…” the hurt in her voice was like ice, “I misunderstood,” Shadow heard the snow crunch beneath her feet. He couldn't bear to look at her, “It was good to see you. Have a good night.”

Shadow didn't speak. He couldn't. He stood quietly, looking at the ground until Amy’s footsteps faded away. One by one, the string lights turned dark. Vendors were taking down their tents. 

His feet carried him forward. Where else was there to go? He tried to clear his mind, but the silence wouldn't come to him. The sound of Amy’s voice followed him home. 

Inside was dark. Shadow followed the hum of grow lights to his greenhouse. The air was heavy. Shards of terracotta still littered the floor from his outburst a few days ago. His white lilies glowed faintly in the artificial light. A few petals were beginning to curl in.

His breathing hitched. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again. He sat on the floor, his back against the grow bed and pulled his phone from his jacket pocket. 

A message from Amy. The photo they took today. Looks like she sent it to him shortly after taking it. He swiped the message away.

He opened his streaming app and put on Family Guy. Something familiar would really hit the spot right now. The bright colors in his phone danced across the screen. The sound of Peter’s laugh filled the greenhouse. Shadow watched blankly. His eyelids felt heavy.

***

He must have fallen asleep on the floor. The greenhouse wrapped around him like a sleeping bag. Shadow blinked his eyes and tried to focus them. Outside, the stars were swirling around like he remembered. He stood, the sound of his own footsteps on hollow metal sheets startling him. 

The ARK. Of course. The greenhouse here was much smaller. This is where they grew all of their vegetables. And even though space was very limited, the Professor allowed them to grow beautiful things as well.

Maria’s favorite were the black roses. “They’re just like you!” she would say to Shadow. And it would make him smile. To be compared to a beautiful rose. Sharp thorns on the stems, but soft, delicate petals that fell off if you looked at them the wrong way.

Cliche, Shadow thought now. Still, he picked up the nearby watering can and carefully sprinkled them with water. 

“You’re still taking care of them,” a voice said from behind. Shadow lifted the watering can and took in a deep breath before turning to face her.

Maria. A wave of relief crashed over him. Finally, it’s her again. He felt like he hadn’t seen her in weeks. Her smile was warm and familiar. It made Shadow ache. She stood beside him, placing her hand on his.

“You always overwatered them,” she said, taking the watering can from him and setting it on the table.

“You would forget.” 

Maria laughed at that, “Yeah, you’re right.”

She hadn’t changed. Same calm face, same voice that made everything stop hurting for a while. A smile that made him feel at home, “I miss you,” he said quietly, his voice shaking.

“I know,” she placed a hand on his back. 

“I thought that if I kept tending to the garden…” Shadow’s voice broke, “I thought it would…” he leaned against Maria, “I don’t know what I thought.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be there,” she gently patted his back, “But look,” Maria nodded to the roses. There were tiny buds growing, dense with silky petals. “I think they’re beautiful now,” she said. 

Shadow caught his breath, “Yes.” He thought each growth stage of a rose had its own beauty. 

“But just imagine how beautiful they’ll be when they bloom,” she smiled at him, and he felt her warmth. He tried to take in as much as he could before he woke up.

He heard the click of a grow light turning off automatically. When he opened his eyes, he was back on Earth. He was on the floor of his greenhouse, among the broken pieces of the terracotta pots.

The sun was just starting to rise outside. Without the hum of the grow lights, the greenhouse was so quiet. Something Shadow used to love about the early mornings. Now, the silence only reminded him of how alone he was. 

He picked himself off the floor and began gathering the larger pieces of the broken pots. Then he got the broom to sweep up the rest. A few seconds of destruction. An hour or two of clean-up. 

***

There had been a few updates on Shadow’s rogue scientist case. He was typing away at the report, watching surveillance footage and taking notes. It looked like his scientist had a special side project. That he was using the funding from GUN for. Bioengineering. What is it with scientists and trying to play God? 

Shadow opened up the scientist’s profile. He had a son: age 12. Deceased. Shadow let out a breath. It was starting to add up. 

“Can you keep it down in here?” Rouge was carrying two cups of coffee as she walked into Shadow’s office, “You’re so loud!” she set one of the cups on his desk, “Here, sweetie.”

Shadow quickly slid a coaster underneath, “I haven’t said anything all day.”

Rouge sat on the side of his desk and picked up his Stewie Griffin Funko Pop, turning it over in her hand, “I heard about what happened with Amy.”

Of course she did. “What a random encounter that was,” he said, sipping his coffee and meeting her eyes. He thought she would smile. Or tease him somehow. Instead, she looked down, inspecting his Pop. 

Shadow watched her nervously. That one is vaulted, he wanted to say. He took a deep breath and tried to remind himself that he had a duplicate in his collection anyway.

“This scientist,” Shadow began, changing the subject, “will GUN intervene?” He gave his notes to Rouge. She studied them for a moment.

“Oh yes. We’ll have to seize his work,” she flipped through the pages of notes, “Probably take him into custody,” she said casually.

“Did you read his profile? His son…”

Rouge cast him a knowing glance, “I’ll make sure he gets the help he needs,” she handed the notes back to Shadow, “Excellent work.”

Shadow smiled lightly before he could help it. Excellent work. Earned this time. 

Rouge picked up the Pop again, “So who’s this weird kid?” 

His jaw dropped. Has she never seen Family Guy? He drew in a breath, ready to explain everything. The show, the character dynamics, cutaway gags. Before he could speak, Rouge’s phone pinged, interrupting his thoughts.

“Oh, Amy,” She said quietly, setting the Pop down. She looked at her phone for a moment.

 Shadow waited for her to elaborate, but she didn’t. His stomach dropped.

“Sorry, honey, I have to get going,” she stood up and left quickly, looking at her phone and shutting the door behind her.

The clock on the wall ticked away.

Shadow sipped his coffee and resumed working on his report. He’d have to tell Rouge about Family Guy another time. And maybe then she could let him know what’s going on with Amy. Although… he sighed. He didn’t want to think about Amy right now. He tried to focus on the case.

Shadow skimmed the notes GUN was able to extract from the scientist’s lab. The words all blurred together. The same story he’d heard before, but played out by an amateur. The Professor would never be so sloppy, he thought. 

The thought hit him before he could block it. His chest tightened. He shut the laptop. The sound of the clock ticking returned. Unbearable. Shadow turned the ring around his wrist. He couldn’t stay in that room for another second.

He took his coat and walked outside of HQ. 

He walked around aimlessly for a while. The night air bit at his skin. The buzzing in his head didn’t stop though. His feet carried him to the Mean Bean cafe without his permission. 

Closed. He looked through the window, but it was dark. He didn’t really want coffee anyway, so he wasn’t sure why he came here. He stared blankly at the gilded lettering on the window, hands in his pockets. His breath fogging up the glass.

He heard the sound of boots crunching on the snow behind him. Rouge’s reflection appeared in the dark window.

“The place is closed. You can’t brood your way in.” 

He glanced over his shoulder at her, “Hi Rouge.” 

“Come on, sweetie, it’s freezing out here,” she stood behind Shadow and rubbed his arms to warm him. “Why are you wandering around like a Victorian ghost?”

He smiled weakly at her, and pressed his forehead against the window. It was cold.

“Shadow, honey, what happened?”

“I think you probably know what happened,” Shadow straightened up. “You sent me to the market.” He turned to face her. “And coincidentally, Amy was there.”

“Amy loves scented candles,” Rouge said smiling.

Shadow put his head in his hands. Why, why, why is she doing this? “When will you stop your meddling?” he asked her, exasperated. He picked his head up, “When will you be satisfied? I don’t get it.”

“She really likes you, you know,” she placed her hand on his arm. “And I can tell…” 

Shadow could hear his pulse in his ears.

“You feel the same way.”

He shook her hand off and started to walk away, “I already told you I can’t. Maria–”

Rouge slammed her hand on the window next to his head, “Maria is not your cage!” She shouted. Shadow was taken aback. He’d never heard her yell before. It rang in his ears. “She wouldn’t want this for you.” Her voice was shaking now, “She would want you to live.”

“How can you possibly know what she would want?” Shadow matched her volume, his heart wrenching.

“Because she loved you!” Rouge grabbed the lapels of Shadow’s coat with shaky hands, clinging to him, “And I love you too.” 

The street was silent except for Shadow’s heartbeat, which was deafening. He was frozen in place. He tried to think of some way he could deflect. A comeback. Something, but came up empty. He sucked in a shaky breath. 

“I just miss her,” he said finally. He felt so small. Embarrassed. 

Rouge pulled him into a tight hug, “I know, sweetie,” she rubbed his back, “I’m sorry.”

Shadow stiffened for a moment, but something in him gave. And for once, he didn’t try to stop it. The dam broke. He returned Rouge’s embrace. He let his heart calm. He was warm.

“I love you too,” Shadow murmured.

Rouge broke away, “Hmm? What was that? I couldn't quite hear you,” she smiled at him.

Shadow's cheeks flushed, “I said I–”

“Oh stop,” she laughed, “I know.” She let go of him and started walking. “Come on, let's get back.”

Shadow followed her. 

***

Shadow didn’t sleep well. He laid his head down that night, struggling to fall asleep. Rouge’s words were buzzing in his brain incessantly. Maria is not your cage. Maria is not your cage. He couldn’t stop replaying it. When he finally closed his eyes, he had no dreams. He was transported to the morning, completely unrested. 

His alarm went off, but he silenced it before it could finish the first beep. His feet carried him through the house, towards the greenhouse, but stopped short. Shadow stood in the doorway of the greenhouse, watching the plants breathe gently, invisibly. His hand instinctively went for the watering can, but it hovered there, empty. He turned away.

He made some coffee. It tasted awful this morning, like regret. But he made it the same as always. Shadow stared into the dark liquid and thought of the winter market. The beans that could have been. 

Then stupidly, he thought of Amy. Her smile, the way she looked at him in front of the Christmas tree. The coffee tasted worse than before. Shadow didn’t want to think about Amy, but the silence was worse. He left the regret coffee on the counter.

He clicked on the TV and put on Family Guy, letting the noise wash over him. But he couldn’t hear the jokes. It just felt like static in his brain. He held his head in his hands.

Maria is not your cage.

Rouge’s voice repeated in his mind. Peter laughed in the background. Then Shadow felt it. The hollowness. 

The greenhouse.

The coffee.

Family Guy.

The usual things that kept him going. Contained. But nothing was working today. 

He sank back into the couch, frustrated. Even Family Guy couldn’t break through the fog, and that unsettled him more than he wanted to admit. Why was it not enough? It had always been enough. 

He felt an ache in his chest. There was something missing, something he couldn’t name. He didn’t understand. This hollow feeling. Like he wanted something more.

Something that he didn’t already have. Something outside of his routines. He wanted something warm. 

“This is stupid,” he murmured. He turned the TV off and stood up. The silence hit him all at once, like a weight on his chest.

His feet carried him back to the greenhouse, and without thinking he walked in. The air was heavy and humid like always. The plants were still. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the lilies. 

The petals had curled up, browning and drooping. But beside them, thin green shoots reaching out of the soil. New growth. Something in his chest loosened. He looked at the tiny green shoots for a long time, carefully touching them with the tips of his fingers. They were still trying.

Shadow breathed.

He took his phone from his pocket and hovered a thumb over Amy’s name. What if she doesn’t want to hear from me? He closed his eyes and tapped her name. He typed a message and hit send before he could lose the nerve.

Shadow: Are you free today?

-Shadow

The message sat there, delivered. He immediately regretted it. He put his phone face down on the table. His heart was pounding out of his chest. Amy would ignore him. And she should, after what happened. Maybe she never wanted to see him again. His phone pinged and Shadow quickly snatched it from the table.

Amy 🌹: Yes!

Chapter Text

Shadow drummed his fingers on the table. The Mean Bean felt very loud. The coffee grinder was whirring. Patrons were chatting. The cashier couldn’t hear anyone over the blender. The espresso machine was… espressoing. He thought arriving early to meet Amy would help him get comfortable, but he was growing more anxious by the second.

This was a terrible idea, he thought, sipping cup of coffee number 3, Maybe she won’t show up. Maybe she changed her mind. The coffee probably wasn’t helping his metal state. He took in a deep breath and tried to calm himself. But it wasn’t working. He exhaled shakily and took another sip of coffee.

He checked the time. She’s a minute late. This was such a bad idea. He finished his coffee and stood up to leave. As he was putting his coat back on, the bell on the door jingled. 

Amy.

She spotted him immediately and waved excitedly. This was a horrible fucking idea, he thought. He gave a slight wave as she met him at his table. The noise from the cafe fell away.

Shadow had practiced all morning what he would say to Amy when he saw her.

“Thanks… Thanks for coming to meet me,” he managed. 

She smiled in return and took a seat, “What’s up, Shadow?”

Amy went completely off-script right away. This wasn’t in the conversation he had rehearsed all morning. Shadow’s mind went blank. She was supposed to say, Why did you invite me here? And then Shadow would say, I’m sorry about the market. And then she would get angry and say, I never want to see you again. And then he would go home, never show his face in public again, and pretend this entire ordeal had been a fever dream.

But none of that was happening. And now he had no clue what to say.

“Just… having some coffee,” he murmured. 

He watched in horror as Amy’s gaze drifted to the 3 empty cups still on his table. “Decaf, I hope.”

They were not decaf. 

Shadow put his head in his hands.

“You don’t have to be nervous,” she said, “It’s just me.”

Just you, He thought. He took a slow breath, “I’m not nervous.”

“Shadow, you’re vibrating.”

He let out a pained groan. “I had three cups. They were all fully caffeinated.”

Amy burst out with laughter, “Why would you do that?”

“Because I am nervous,” he put his hands on the table, trying to steady himself and take the conversation back to his script, “Amy… I’m sorry about what happened at the winter market.”

Her smile softened. “...Are you rejecting me again?” 

“No! No–” Shadow said quickly, “Amy– I–” he searched for the right thing to say, “I don’t know if I’m ready for a date but…”

Amy leaned forward in anticipation.

Shadow’s heart was beating loud in his ears. He turned the ring around his wrist nervously and locked eyes with her.

“I want to spend time with you,” he said, like it was a secret. He watched Amy for a moment, whose eyes were wide. Her cheeks still rosy, probably from the cold outside. Shadow closed his eyes and counted to 3 in his head. But when he opened his eyes, Amy was still there. The cafe was still there. His heartbeat was still there.

After what felt like an eternity, Amy opened her mouth to speak, “I’d like that.”

Shadow let his shoulders relax, and a wave of relief crashed over him. He couldn’t believe how far off-script this had gone. 

“Want to get something to drink? Maybe some tea?” She asked, nodding at the 3 empty cups of shame on Shadow’s end of the table.

He laughed nervously, “Herbal tea sounds good.”

They ordered drinks and chatted away for what felt like hours. Amy told him about the book she was reading. Some romance-fantasy that Shadow felt sounded dreadful, but he listened. He watched her smile, and her eyes light up. Little by little, he noticed he wasn’t fidgeting with the ring on his wrist anymore. He stopped holding his breath so much. His heartbeat quieted.

By the time he finally looked outside of their bubble, it was already dark out. The baristas were stacking chairs and wiping counters. How long had they been here? Amy noticed too.

“I think we have to leave now,” she said, standing up.

Shadow nodded. They put on their coats and went outside, lingering around the doorway. Shadow realized he didn’t want to go home yet. And he was surprised he felt that way. He didn’t feel like he needed to be by himself to feel okay again. He felt okay now. Better than okay, actually, he felt warm and light. Unburdened for the first time, maybe ever.

“Would you… can I…” He stepped a little closer, “Can I walk you home?”

Amy looked surprised, but pleased. She nodded. 

They walked side by side. The fresh snow on the ground dampened all sound around them. His nerves crept up again with the silence. Amy didn't seem to mind. Their shoulders kept brushing every few steps, making Shadow feel extremely warm in his coat. 

“I’m really surprised,” Amy said finally, “I’m glad you invited me out but…”

But? Shadow’s heart lurched. Maybe this had been a mistake all along. He misread everything. It was stupid of him to think Amy wanted to spend time with him. She’s just been being polite this whole time.

“I didn’t think you would want to, you know,” she paused, watching her boots move one in front of the other, “after the market…”

Shadow stiffened. He tried to think of an explanation, but nothing sounded right. He barely understood it himself. He still hadn’t begun to unpack the guilt he’d been carrying. The unease that crept up his spine in Amy’s presence. Not because of her, but because of how she made him feel. Good. Happy. And it felt completely wrong. Undeserved. Unfair. A betrayal to someone who wasn’t here.

“I’m sorry,” he managed. 

They reached her front door sooner than he expected. Shadow didn’t know if he was relieved or disappointed. Amy fumbled for her keys for a moment. “I had a really good time,” she said, smiling at him. The same smile he saw in front of the Christmas tree. His heartbeat returned. She was looking at him expectantly.

“Me too,” he murmured. But Amy didn’t go inside right away. She was waiting for something. He tried to think of what to do in this situation. His mind, traitorously, offered the only reference point it had: Family Guy. What would Brian do? He’d probably try and kiss her and then get swatted with a newspaper. 

Probably a bad idea. 

The jingle of keys brought Shadow’s brain back in focus. “Well,” Amy unlocked her door, “goodni–”

“I’d like to do this again.” He blurted out, surprising her, and even himself, “With you.”

Amy looked at him, unmoving, her mouth partway open. For a terrifying second, Shadow wondered if he had said the wrong thing, if that’s not what she was hoping to hear. But she closed her mouth and smiled warmly, “That sounds great.”

Shadow nodded and watched Amy go inside, closing the door behind her. He stood there for a moment, listening to make sure she locked it. He let out a breath, turning to walk home. 

He hadn’t felt so light in years. Not since… Maria.

His chest ached. He thought about Rouge’s words again. She would want you to live. 

The snow crunched softly under his boots as he walked. Shadow tried to convince himself that Maria would be happy for him. She would want me to live, he thought. She would, she would. He tried to focus on the sound of his footsteps. 

“Have fun today?” A voice called from behind him.

Shadow stopped in his tracks. His blood went cold. He didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.

Sonic. 

Shadow hadn’t spoken to him since the Black Comet. He avoided him at the party last month. And he wasn’t particularly interested in talking to him now. Shadow didn’t say anything. He stood still.

“I didn’t expect to see you coming from her place,” Sonic said. His tone was light, almost friendly. But there was nothing friendly about the look in his eyes.

Shadow said nothing. He watched Sonic carefully, motionless.

“You’ve been away for a while,” he continued, slowly circling Shadow. He looked him up and down. Unimpressed. “Maybe you’ve forgotten how this works.”

Shadow glared at him, waiting for him to get to the point.

“Amy is mine.” He pointed a gloved thumb to himself, and stepped closer.

Shadow scoffed. “Things not working out with that squirrel girl?” he said finally. 

Sonic narrowed his eyes at him, “I wouldn’t expect a fake hedgehog to understand,” He chuckled, “She’s just confused.”

Shadow clenched his fists in his coat pockets. 

“She’s trying to fool herself–and you–into thinking that she wants you.” He smiled, “But you and I know what you are.”

Another step closer.

“A weapon.”

Sonic leaned in, inches from Shadow’s face.

“A faker.”

Shadow ground his teeth.

“Don’t fool yourself.” Sonic said, “You’re not what she wants.” He patted Shadow’s cheek, then stood up straight to walk away, “Save yourself the heartbreak.” He walked past Shadow, footsteps fading as he left.

Shadow stood quietly for a moment, watching the snow fall in front of him.

Faker.

Sonic was just trying to piss him off, Shadow tried to tell himself. But it worked.

Acting as if Amy were an object that belonged to him. It was truly disgusting. Shadow fidgeted with the ring on his wrist. But what if he was right? What if he was just a replacement? A cheap copy. A faker. 

Shadow trudged forward.

***

It was completely silent except for the humming machinery and the sound of Shadow’s footsteps. He walked down the long hall with its large windows. Outside, Earth was spinning quietly, half-swallowed in night from his perspective on the ARK.

He and Maria used to love looking out on the Earth. Wondering what life was like down there. They watched the planet wake and sleep. The aurora borealis. Hurricanes. Changing seasons on different parts of the planet. Their world on the ARK was so small comparatively. 

Shadow kept walking. Something tugged at his chest. The air was colder than he remembered. He could see his breath. And he felt like he should have seen Maria by now. She was usually here waiting for him.

He checked the observation deck first, but it was empty. Then the infirmary. Empty. Her quarters. Empty. Now he reached the greenhouse. But Maria wasn’t there either. 

Something was wrong. She’d always been here, waiting for him. 

Shadow looked around the greenhouse. All the plants were dried up. 

“Maria?” He called. No answer. 

He stepped back into the hallway. The overhead lights seemed dimmer. Shadow walked faster. Maybe she was with the Professor in the lab. 

The hallway seemed to stretch endlessly. 

He walked faster. And faster.

He couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore. The hum of the machinery faded away. The lights overhead flickered. 

“Maria!” He called again. But it came out muffled. 

He broke out into a sprint, but his legs were moving in slow motion. Like he was treading honey. The overhead lights shut off. The hallway twisted in front of him, closing in.

He tried to call for Maria again, but no sound came out. The walls collapsed in on him. He couldn’t breathe.

Shadow jolted awake, safely in his bed, gravity pulling him down. His heart was still racing.

“Maria…” he whispered, just to make sure his voice still worked. Why wasn’t she there? Shadow sat quietly for a minute. Outside the window, the ARK drifted by in the night sky. Once the planet’s largest research facility of its kind. Now, just a piece of space junk. He watched it slowly float by.

Without thinking, he reached for his phone. A few taps. The Family Guy theme song came through the phone speakers, tinny. 

“Sssss… Ahhh” Peter said repeatedly, holding his scraped knee for what felt like minutes. One of Shadow’s favorite bits. 

He didn’t smile.

Chapter Text

He didn’t get back to sleep. His nerves were fried and his head was foggy. No amount of coffee could help him keep his eyes open. What wasn’t helping was sitting in Rouge’s cold car for several hours with her, watching a very unassuming home. It was supposed to be the home of the rogue scientist from Shadow's case. The man was taken into custody, questioned. Work seized. Now, Shadow and Rouge were just trying to tie up some loose ends. See if anyone unusual came or went.

It was horribly boring. And Shadow wasn’t sure why he needed to be present for this. He just wanted to wash his hands of this case entirely. It just reminded him of the Professor. Shadow half-expected to see Gerald appear in one of the windows every time he looked at the house.

“Is it always like this?” he mumbled. He cupped his hands around his coffee, trying to keep warm.

Rouge seemed unbothered. “This is the bulk of field work.” she said, not taking her eyes off of the house, “Just watching.”

It was rare that Shadow got to see this side of her. The side that’s passionate about her work. He could tell it filled her with purpose. It was a stark contrast to the teasing he normally endured from her. Her eyes were sharp.

Not that there was much to see today. The most exciting thing to happen so far was the mailman coming to the house to drop off some junk mail. Shadow yawned involuntarily. 

“Would you quit it?” Rouge stifled her own yawn, “You’re making me tired.”

“Sorry.” Shadow sipped his coffee, desperately trying to stay awake. Every time he closed his eyes, he could see the ARK again. And Maria wasn’t there.

“What’s the matter, sweetie? You’ve been yawning and sighing all day.” Rouge looked at him, grinning, “Long night at Amy’s?”

Shadow frowned. Of course she heard about Amy. “No.” Shadow rested his head on the window. The glass was freezing, “I just walked her home.”

Rouge whipped around in her seat. “You WHAT??” She grabbed his arm, practically shaking him. “Tell me everything!”

Shadow groaned. He regretted telling her immediately. He should have known she’d have this reaction. Rouge was never going to let him out of this car until she got all the details. Though he was a little surprised she didn’t know everything already. 

He thought about yesterday. Amy’s smile, the smell of her perfume. And her patience with him when it felt undeserved. The way she looked at him when they stood in front of her door. He sighed. “We got coffee. We talked. I walked her home.”

Rouge sat back. “Only you could make that sound boring.”

Shadow turned the ring around his wrist. “And I ran into Sonic.”

Her excitement evaporated. She was quiet for a moment. “Well, are you going to tell me what happened?”

Shadow shifted in his seat, “He said Amy is his,” he muttered, “and called me a faker.” He sipped his coffee and tried to look like it didn’t bother him. It bothered him a lot. 

“That possessive creep.” Rouge gripped the steering wheel. “You know, you were created long before he was even born. Please. If anything, he’s the faker.”

“Right. I was created.” Shadow stared ahead. “In a lab.” A weapon, like Sonic said. 

Rouge rolled her eyes. “Oh honey, stop that.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “Sonic just can’t stand the idea that she likes someone who’s not him.”

Shadow blinked at her. “I don’t understand what you think is happening here.”

“I know you don’t.” Rouge sighed, but she smiled at him, “Amy likes you. She couldn’t be more obvious about it.”

He scoffed and looked away, turning the ring faster. But her words pulled at his chest, begging him to listen. His heart started beating loud in his ears. He thought about the winter market and the way Amy held his arm. How she looked at him. 

He can’t. Whether it’s true or not, he can’t. Yesterday he let himself believe that it would be okay. But then he was alone on the ARK. Maria was gone. Again.

“She’s just kind.”

Rouge shook her head. “That’s the excuse you’re going with?” She focused on the house again. “Whatever you say. If you want to know what I think–”

“I don’t.”

“–I think you’re afraid of how you feel.”

Shadow’s eyes shot to Rouge, but she was watching the house. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t think of any retort. Afraid of how he feels? It sounded ridiculous. But his mind kept returning to that night at the winter market. The way his chest squeezed when Amy slipped her arm through his. How warm she felt. How natural it had been. How much he wanted it again. 

But then there was the dream. The cold, empty ARK. Maria gone, like she was never there. His voice being swallowed by that emptiness. 

A vision of what it’s like to let himself want. Maria’s memory would fade. He fidgeted with the ring. A tiny, stupid part of him wanted Rouge to be right – about everything. He almost laughed at that thought. But at the same time, it was such a risk. His heart twisted.

He couldn’t lose Maria twice. 

“Just don’t let some idiot scare you away from something good.” Rouge said after some time.

He scoffed again. “I’m not afraid of Sonic.”

“I meant you.” She readjusted the rear view mirror. “Looks like the next stakeout shift is here. Let’s go.” She started the car.

***

Shadow slipped into the greenhouse as soon as he got home. The air was warm and humid, like always. His shoulders dropped before he even realized they’d been tense. He breathed in the familiar scent of soil. The hum of glow lights filled the room. A constant calm. He picked up the watering can by the door and got to work.

He walked up and down the rows of plants, watering where it was needed. The lilies were already a couple inches taller. He sprinkled water over them, and watched the droplets slide down, soaking into the soil. The dying lilies hadn’t been cleared out yet, but the new green shoots still pushed up in defiance. Fearlessly. 

They’ll be so beautiful when they bloom, Shadow thought to himself. They’re perennials, so he knew they’d come back each year. But seeing it actually happen… That was something else. 

He stood, looking at the bright green shoots next to the browning, drooping flowers. Without thinking, he grabbed the dead stems and gently tugged them out of the soil, being careful not to disturb the new growth. He tossed them into the compost bin. 

The hum of the grow lights filled the silence again. And for the first time all day, his mind felt still. Then his phone buzzed.

He took a breath and wiped the dirt from his gloves before pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

It wasn’t from Amy. He exhaled.

It was from Omega. A photo of Sonic, taken from outside of a restaurant. A bright red crosshair was over his face.

E-123 Omega 🤖: SAY THE WORD.

Shadow pressed a hand to his forehead. He wasn’t sure if this was Omega’s attempt at humor or if he was serious. Knowing Omega, it was probably the latter. Damn bloodthirsty robot.

Shadow: You cannot kill Sonic the Hedgehog.

-Shadow

For two painful minutes, Shadow waited for Omega’s reply. 

E-123 Omega 🤖: FINE.

E-123 Omega 🤖: ALSO. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SIGN YOUR TEXTS.

E-123 Omega 🤖: I AM AWARE OF YOUR IDENTITY. YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION IS SAVED TO MY COMMUNICATOR.

Shadow sighed. But a small part of him weirdly felt touched. Rouge must have told Omega about what happened between him and Sonic. This was Omega’s twisted way of caring – Finding Sonic, possibly by stalking him, and locking onto him, ready to fire his missiles. 

Before he could dwell on it, his phone buzzed again.

It was a photo from Amy. A yellow and purple marbled slice of cake. 

Amy 🌹: Lemon and lavender cake! You would LOVE this.

Warmth rushed to Shadow’s cheeks, stupid and immediate. Lemon and lavender, like the bouquet he gave her. And it made her think of him. 

He tried not to think about sitting in the seat across from her, which was just out of frame, sharing the piece of cake with her. 

His thumbs moved before he could stop them.

Shadow: Looks delicious.

-Shadow

A second later, her reply came:

Amy 🌹: I’ll save you a bite 😋

Shadow’s hand went to his mouth. His stomach did a backflip, despite the fact that saving a single bite of cake was strange and wildly impractical. He didn’t care. She wanted to share something with him, even if it was only a taste. 

He tried not to imagine sitting at Amy’s kitchen table, and her presenting a takeaway container. Inside, just one fork-full of cake that he would eat without hesitation.

He wasn’t very good at not imagining things.

His thumbs trembled over the keyboard of his phone. His pulse was loud in his ears.

Shadow: I can’t wait to try it 

-Shadow

He sent it before he could change his mind. Then he waited. A part of him didn’t want her to reply. Let the conversation end there, so his heart could calm and he could get to sleep. But another part of him was desperate for her response. After a few minutes, there was nothing. 

Shadow stared at his screen. He reread his message and winced.  I can’t wait to try it. Why did he write that? He watched the three dots pop up and then disappear. Amy probably thought he was over eager and weird. She probably regretted texting him in the first place. He put his phone down on the table.

The sound of grow lights buzzed in his ears.

It was getting exhausting, he thought. He dragged a hand through his quills. Whatever he’s doing is exhausting. Wanting to see her. Wanting to talk to her. Wanting to be near her. Wanting, wanting, wanting. 

He cleaned up some more dead leaves and swept up some soil from the floor. Then his phone buzzed. He snatched the phone up again.

Amy 🌹: Come over tomorrow! I’ll share it with you.

Shadow nearly doubled over. It sounded amazing. Going to her house, sharing some cake and having coffee together. He caught his breath. 

Could he though? He thought about Maria. It felt like he’d be turning his back on her, somehow. Leaving her behind. He couldn’t.

He’d just have to beat down this feeling every day until it became numb. That way, he would never betray Maria’s memory. And he would be able to find her again on the ARK the next time he dreamt. It was a perfect solution, he thought. 

Rouge would laugh. Or worse, she would pity him. She’d go back to her meddling, placing him and Amy back on her chess board. Or she would lecture him again about Maria. Like she knew anything.

His chest tightened. It was her way of caring. Like Omega, her way of caring could be annoying. He thought about how she gripped his lapels in front of the Mean Bean cafe that night. Her voice, frustrated and strained when she said she loved him. He’d never heard her say it out loud before. It was an unspoken truth. He’d always known. And it was the same with Omega. But to hear it spoken felt different. 

And that’s how she knew. Because Maria loved him. And she loves him too.

Maria would want him to live. 

He’s not a faker.

Amy liked him. Not Sonic.

Shadow closed his eyes and counted to three. When he opened them again, Amy’s message was still there. The greenhouse was still there. The lilies were still growing. Maria would still be in his memory. At least he hoped so. 

Beating down his feelings isn't living. Maybe Rouge was right. He could do this.

Chapter Text

Amy told him not to bring anything. He thought it was a little weird that they would just be sharing a single bite of cake, but he wasn't hungry anyway. At least he didn't think he was. He hadn't eaten all day because he thought if did, he'd just throw it up.

It was already dark out, but it wasn't actually all that late. Shadow left work and came straight here, where he stood in front of Amy's door. He was too nervous to knock. And it was far too late to cancel on her. He took a deep breath, raised his hand and knocked lightly.

Amy opened the door, her perfume swirling in the air. Soft and floral. She wore an apron over a red dress that made his knees weak. He drew in a breath, trying to steady himself. 

“You’re right on time,” she said, smiling at him. Shadow left work early so that he wouldn’t be late. He actually arrived about 10 minutes early and nervously waited in front of her walkway before he knocked on the door. “You must be so cold, come on in!” 

“Thank you,” he said as he brushed past her. He wasn’t cold at all. There were 4 inches of snow outside, but Shadow was burning up. 

There was a faint lemon scent in her house. The lights were low, but not so low that it was difficult to see. The air was light, in stark contrast to the heaviness of the greenhouse. It felt very different from his home, which was always cold. 

“Dinner is almost ready, I hope you’re hungry!” Amy was walking into the kitchen, “Feel free to make yourself at home, I just have to finish up the chicken.”

Shadow felt his stomach twist. He wasn’t hungry. He didn’t know Amy would be cooking tonight. He was hoping he could just have the one bite of cake and then escape back home. Though it matched Amy’s all-in personality, to trap him here with what smelled like was going to be an amazing dinner. His heart raced.

Amy stirred something in a pot in the kitchen. Shadow tried to focus on his surroundings to calm himself. Her living room had a comfortable looking velveteen sofa with a crochet throw blanket spread out over the back, inviting him. A few houseplants lined the window sills. There was a gallery wall of photos which he hadn’t noticed before at Sonic’s party. 

There was a photo of her, Cream the Rabbit, and some large purple cat on the beach. One of Amy and three flickies. Two older looking hedgehogs that Shadow didn’t recognize, which may have been her parents. And one of Omega, which Shadow found odd. He didn’t think Amy was close with him. He picked the photo off the wall and looked more closely. No, it wasn’t Omega. The chestplate read “102”. 

“That’s Gamma.” Amy appeared behind Shadow, making him jump. Hopefully, she didn’t notice, “An old friend of mine.” Her voice was solemn.

“One of the Doctor’s?” 

Amy nodded. “He’s not around anymore.” She took the photo from him and smiled faintly, brushing the frame with her thumb. “He was so kind to me, and had a big heart. I miss him.” She gazed at the photo for a moment before placing it back on the wall. “I was lucky to know him.”

A robot with a heart. An early E-100 series, as well, when the Doctor was still cruelly powering his machines with small animals. But he chose kindness. Omega would scoff. If robots could scoff. A machine created by Doctor Eggman, likely with the intention of destruction. But this one must have gone off-script if he could be described as kind and having a big heart. 

He stared at the photo, wondering how. Maybe Amy saw something in Gamma that his programming tried to suppress. Her compassion had always been boundless, apparently. Shadow met Amy’s eyes, which were smiling. She carried Gamma’s memory as if it were light as air. His chest tightened. 

“Are you ready to eat?” She asked, walking back to the kitchen.

Shadow took a last glance at the photo of Gamma before following. He was not ready to eat. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to eat again with the way his stomach was twisting all day.

Amy’s kitchen table was set for two. No tablecloth, just a couple of plates, some silverware, and empty wine glasses. He noticed the small vase of dried lavender in the center. “This is my specialty!” Amy proudly served a couple pieces of chicken francese on each plate, along with some asparagus and risotto. It smelled incredible. “Wine?” She poured herself a glass.

Shadow took a seat and nodded. Though wine would probably only worsen his stomach. Amy poured him a glass and removed her apron before sitting across from him. His heart was pounding, deafening. He hoped Amy couldn’t hear it. “Thank you,” he managed.

A few feet behind where Amy sat was the door to her walk-in pantry, where they watched the Family Guy funny moments together. He thought about her knee touching his, the weight of her head on his shoulder. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. Shadow could barely hear her over his own heartbeat. He could only nod in response. Amy lifted her glass and smiled. “Let’s dig in then!”

Shadow was not okay. He wanted to excuse himself somehow and run. Instead, he bravely picked up his fork and knife and ate a piece of chicken. He didn’t throw up immediately, thankfully. The flavor was perfect. As the first bite went down, he realized he wasn’t sick at all. Actually, he was starving. He took another bite. 

“What do you think?” Amy asked, “Pretty good, right?”

He could eat this every day for the rest of his life and not want for anything else. He imagined coming home from work with this already on the table, and Amy waiting for him. Eating dinner together and washing the dishes after. Then settling on the couch to watch Family Guy with her. He looked at Amy, trying to quiet his pounding heart. “Yes,” he said simply. 

Amy was beaming. She took a sip of her wine. Shadow watched her hands as she cut a piece of chicken. She told him about the fantasy-romance book she’s been reading. Apparently she was around four hundred pages in before the main character and the love interest had any meaningful interaction. “I don’t really care about the fantasy stuff,” she said, shrugging, “I just want them to get together already.”

She asked about his day. It was boring. Thankfully, he was done with his rogue scientist case. He only had some paperwork to sew everything up. He pushed a piece of asparagus around in the francese sauce and ate it. Silence fell over the room for a moment. 

“Would you…” Shadow ventured, “Would you tell me more about Gamma?” He was so curious. How she ended up developing a friendship with one of the Doctor’s robots. What he meant to her. What happened to him. But as soon as he asked, he felt embarrassed. Maybe it was too painful for her to think about.

But Amy smiled. “He was amazing,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “He wasn’t like Eggman’s other robots. It was like…” She swirled her wine glass, “He was able to care. Which shouldn’t be possible for a robot, right?”

Shadow thought about the text Omega had sent him the previous night. He felt like Omega cared about him. In his own way. Or maybe he really just wanted to kill Sonic. 

“But he helped me.” Amy set her glass on the table. “Then one day he said he had to help his brother.” She went quiet for a moment. Shadow waited patiently, watching her. Her smile faded. “And I didn't see him again.”

“I'm so sorry.” 

“It's okay. Or, I mean, it's not okay. But thank you.” She looked up at him and smiled again. “I'll always have the memories of the time we shared.”

Amy gathered up the empty plates and put them in the sink a few feet away, humming to herself. It was amazing, Shadow thought, that Amy could carry on like this. Not untouched by loss, but somehow she was able to live with it. Her grief didn’t hollow her out. She was still able to be herself. Gamma was a happy memory, not a chain around her neck. 

Shadow almost felt jealous. He thought about speaking of Maria with the same levity. To try saying something like I miss her, but I have so many great memories with her. His chest ached, but in a way he was unfamiliar with. His heartbeat was steady.

The sound of a plate being set down in front of him snapped him back to the present. On it, a single bite of cake. Amy returned to her seat across from him, completely serious. She rested her chin on her hand.

Shadow looked at her, then back to the cake. “You really saved me just one bite?”

“I said I would.” She was struggling to keep a straight face. 

He didn’t know what he was expecting. Amy did what she said she would. She asked for a takeaway container for this one, small bite of cake so she could share it with him. Because it made her think of him.

“I don’t know,” he said, “I’m not sure I can finish this all by myself.” 

“Huh?” Amy sat up straight. “Really? It’s only one bite.”

“I’m only kidding.” 

She blinked, and then laughed. “Oh,” she breathed, covering her grin, “I didn’t know you could do that.”

Shadow smiled and picked up the cake in his fork. It smelled great, even though it had been sitting in the fridge all day. He ate it. The lemon curd filling was incredible, it was the first thing he noticed. The lavender flavor was subtle, and combined well with the citrus. The cake itself was a little dry from being in the fridge, probably not the fault of the baker. Amy was right, he loved it. He was a little upset that there was only one bite.

“Good?”

He could only nod in response. 

“So I was thinking…” she said as she stood, smoothing her skirt, “maybe you might want to stay a bit? Watch TV or something?”

Shadow’s ears perked up traitorously. And his heart raced mercilessly. Of course he wanted to stay. That was why he had to leave. But Amy was already walking to the living room before he could object. He stood up so quickly the chair nearly fell over, and he followed her.

She was sitting on the sofa, remote in hand, flicking through shows on the streaming app. “Don’t you like Family Guy?” she asked casually. 

Shadow steadied himself on the back of the couch. Her siren song rang in his ears, drawing him in. He couldn’t possibly say no. Amy patted the seat on the couch next to her, and Shadow’s body moved involuntarily to her. He sat stiffly beside her.

“There it is.” The Family Guy theme song filled the room. 

Amy pulled the crochet blanket over herself, and offered some to Shadow. He was terribly hot, but he accepted it anyway. Then she leaned in, resting her head on his shoulder, and placing a hand on his arm. 

Shadow’s heart launched itself against his ribs. Amy was so close, there was no chance she couldn’t hear it. He tried to focus on the show, but it was impossible. All he could hear was his heartbeat. 

Every now and then, Amy would shift, sending jolts through Shadow’s veins. He sat perfectly still, trying to calm down. Every time he thought he caught his breath, Amy would move again, making him have to start over. It was unbearable. She wasn’t holding him here, he was free to go at any time. But he couldn’t move.

“Are you okay?” Amy asked, looking up at him. She brushed her thumb over his arm.

Shadow swallowed hard and met her gaze. “Yes.” No. This was torture. Soft, gentle torture. 

Her eyes flicked to his mouth for just a second. “Are you sure?” she leaned in closer, stopping a few inches from his face. 

If he wanted to stop this, now would be the time. But he didn't want to. He turned to face Amy, and placed a shaky hand on her arm. Her skin felt hot. 

She was giving him that expectant look again. Then, she closed her eyes and moved even closer. His heartbeat was deafening, and he begged his body to stop trembling. His lungs drew in a sharp breath, betraying him. Amy pulled back. 

“Shadow?” She looked at him, confused. Shadow couldn't move. He watched her expression change from confusion to shocked realization. “Don't tell me… is this your first kiss?”

Shadow barely managed to nod.

Amy flushed bright red. He thought she might laugh at him. But she didn’t. She smiled. “Then I better make it good.”

She cupped his cheek in her hand and leaned in carefully. Shadow closed his eyes and his mind went blank. Amy's lips touched his lightly. 

Her softness made him melt. She was so gentle. Her kiss felt like nothing physically, but Shadow still was breathless. His body moved on its own, begging for another. He kissed her again, shyly. He completely forgot himself. 

The sound of Peter’s laugh faded away into the background. All that could be heard was the sound of Shadow’s pounding heart. Amy’s fingers tightened around Shadow’s arm, and her other hand moved to his chest. 

He stopped breathing. His brain was scrambled. The world swirled around him. He felt Amy’s breath on his lips before she kissed him again, deeper, lingering longer, pushing him. And Shadow let her. Before he realized what was happening, he was on his back, and his hands were on her waist. Shadow let out a tiny gasp when she cruelly removed her lips from his.

Amy froze, as if she just became aware of where they were and what she was doing. Her eyes flew open. Her cheeks flushed. Her hands were pressed into the seat of the couch on either side of Shadow’s head. Her body hovered just a few inches over his. She pulled back slowly, like she just came out of a daydream.

“Sorry,” she said, sitting back on the couch. Shadow’s fingers dragged on her dress as she moved. “I got a little carried away.”

“Please,” Shadow found his breath, “don’t apologize.” 

His head was still spinning. He couldn’t believe she wanted to apologize for doing this to him. He was totally undone. Usually, that would horrify him. Here, it felt safe. He didn’t feel hot anymore, just warm. His heart was still racing, but it was okay. If this was how he had to feel to be around Amy, then he would endure.

Shadow sat up, and Amy snuggled up close, pulling the blanket over them again. He hadn’t noticed it falling to the floor. On the TV, Peter scored a touchdown and broke out into a musical number.