Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Time passes slowly when night comes over the convenience store. Leaning over the counter, Giyu lets himself get lost in his thoughts, hoping that it’ll make time crawl by faster. He isn’t sure if it’s because of the lack of customers, the darkness that’s hardly penetrated by the streetlights, or if this is the power of a higher being mocking him when he could be at home right now. Looking at the clock, he notes that it’s 10 pm and lets out a sigh of relief knowing that he only has two more hours of his shift left. However, dread rapidly fills him as he thinks of the busy day he has coming, full of deadlines and class times. He’s currently a senior in university and he feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. Between maintaining a high gpa for his scholarship (and his own satisfaction), applying for internships, working a part-time job, and maintaining his art, he’s exhausted.

Letting out a groan, he makes himself stand up straight and makes sure to catch another glimpse of the clock, hoping that his lamenting filled up the space, only to feel crushing disappointment seeing that a couple of minutes had passed. He rubs at his eyes and feels his mind start to wander. He’s an art major right now. He’s always loved art and he loves to study it, but lately it’s been so hard. He’s in a creative rut with no end in sight.

Usually by this point in his shift, Giyu would be pulling out his small sketchbook and doodling something, but now, the thought of putting a pen to the paper feels like a herculean task. It disappoints him. Drawing and art have always been a way for him to vent or feel freedom, but now it feels restrictive.

Personal struggles aside, Giyu can never think of any ideas for his doodles. His art block has gotten worse tenfold due to the amount of terms he has to memorise for his art history lectures or the assigned drawings he has to do. His fingers itch to relieve himself of his stresses through his art, but his brain can’t comprehend anything he wants to do.

Letting out another pathetic groan, he subconsciously tries to take another peek at the clock when the jingle of the door opening catches his attention. A flash of white captures his eyes, and he knows what’s about to follow.

“Wow, busy night tonight, huh?” Giyu hears from the door. He makes sure to put on his most uninterested face he could muster as he locks eyes with the man who entered the store. A deep sigh leaves him before he can stop it, “Hmm.” The man at the door isn’t phased by the lack of response from Giyu and gracefully makes his way towards the counter and unceremoniously plants his hands down. “Oh, c’mon, Tomioka, don’t be like that towards your favourite customer,” the man said with an infuriating smirk on his face.

In front of Giyu is none other than Shinazugawa Sanemi. They’ve known each other since high school, having lived in the same area together, but never interacting with each other. Giyu doubts the white-haired man knows anything about him other than his last name. Once they graduated, Giyu thought nothing of it, thinking they would never see each other and would certainly never speak. However, during their last year of university, it all changed and Shinazugawa has been a thorn in his side ever since he started working here these last six months. They mix like oil and water. Shinazugawa is a regular at the shop and he makes it his mission to bother Giyu whenever they see each other. It started over a box of cigarettes that Shinazugawa wanted to buy and Giyu couldn’t stop the disgust that came out when he rang him up.

A scoff left Giyu’s lips, “To be my favourite, you would have to quit smoking, but we all know you’re too much of a fiend to stop that.” Shinazugawa rolled his eyes at the clear disdain that came through from Giyu’s voice. “You got me, I guess. Lord knows that I’d rather be talking to anyone else right now,” Shinazugawa said with a frown. “Don’t frown like that, Shinazugawa. You know you can’t afford any more wrinkles on your face,” Giyu said with a lilt in his voice, feeling the need to bother Shinazugawa.

Giyu, by nature, is quiet and unsociable, but something about Shinazugawa makes him want to fight back. Not like they actually hate each other, but it’s a little fun to let go of the facade he holds himself to.

Shinazugawa narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to say something, but he quickly shuts it and leaves for the fridges towards the back of the store. This leaves Giyu speechless. Usually, their interactions last for at least a couple of minutes, but this cutoff feels unnatural. Giyu suddenly feels bad, like he crossed the line with what he said. He knows they’ve said worse to each other before, but it doesn’t usually feel so bad like it does right now.

Giyu lets out a sigh as he watches Shinazugawa walk amongst the aisles. Truthfully, Giyu does want to get to know Shinazugawa better, but it feels like that ship has sailed a long time ago, given how all of their interactions are filled with hostility. In high school, Giyu saw the change happen firsthand with Shinazugawa. He noticed how he disappeared and how he came back with a litany of scars covering his body. He always had a couple of sharp and jagged scars on his arms, but when he came back, it was incomparable. The scars on his arms seemed to double and scars covered the right half of his face.

Giyu felt a bit intimidated by Shinazugawa even before he reappeared with all of those scars. He’s always been attractive, and despite what most people think, the scars that litter his body aren’t the part of Shinazugawa that intimidates him. It’s the way he always looks like he’s analysing the way people interact with him. Giyu hates that. He doesn’t want people to see how vulnerable he is and that’s why he tries to repel people by being silent and coming off as uninterested.

They aren’t friends, not in the slightest, but they aren’t exactly on horrible terms with each other. He thinks that his smoking habit is a bit gross, but Shinazugawa doesn’t seem like the worst person in the world, despite how annoying he is. They don’t know that much about each other, only that they go to the same university, which they found out by accident. Giyu was rushing to class one day and happened to cross paths with Shinazugawa going to a different building. They saw each other, but since they aren’t friends, no words or glances with hidden meanings were exchanged. They looked like strangers, like they don’t antagonise each other at least three times a week.

Giyu snaps out of his reverie when another ring of the door opening brings him back to the present and a man stumbles in. The man is clearly drunk, and Giyu is now more alert, keeping his posture ramrod straight to seem more authoritative. Giyu is used to dealing with the occasional drunk customer, but usually they come in to get more alcohol and they’re on their way, but this guy feels off. Giyu’s gut twists as an ugly smirk forms on the guy’s face as he begins to stagger towards him with his eyes freely roaming Giyu’s body.

Despite Giyu not taking the best care of himself, he knows he isn’t completely ugly, but the way this creep is staring at him makes his body feel foreign to him, a feeling he hasn’t felt in a long time. The confidence that Giyu is trying to carry is quickly faltering and it’s taking everything in him to not make himself smaller. A small part of him wishes that Shinazugawa would help him in this moment, but he knows that Shinazugawa would rather do anything than involve himself with something that doesn’t affect him.

The man stops directly in front of him and tries to coolly lean against the counter, “It’s a little dangerous having a pretty thing like you here alone, isn’t it?” Giyu grimaces at the alcohol laced breath that wafts over towards him. With his words alone, Giyu can’t tell if the man thinks he’s a man or a woman. He thinks that he passes pretty well and it’s especially easy when he’s in uniform, but he can’t help but feel insecure as the thought passes through his head.

“Oh, come on, sweetheart. Don’t play hard to get with me,” the man says once he notices that Giyu hasn’t said anything to him. He reaches across the counter and attempts to grab Giyu’s hand, which snaps him out of his thoughts. Giyu yanks his arm back and is appalled by the audacity of the man in front of me.

“Don’t touch me. Leave me alone and get out,” Giyu says out with as much disinterest as he could muster. He isn’t in the mood to be dealing with someone like this, he just wants to go home and sleep. However, just because he doesn’t want to deal with this doesn’t mean that he’s going to allow this man to talk to him however he wants.

The drunkard’s face turns a little red and a deep frown graces his face as he registers the words that Giyu says to him. “Don’t be a fucking bitch. Don’t fucking waste my time, I know you want me,” the man slurs out. A look of disgust flashes on Giyu’s face at the words and as he’s about to retort and threaten the man with the police, he notices a person behind the man.

“Hey, he said to leave him alone, so get the fuck out of here,” Shinazugawa’s voice cuts through the tense air like a knife. The tone in his voice has a feeling of finality to it. The drunkard whips around and is met with lilac, glowering eyes, intimidation fully on display with the plethora of facial scars to boot. Shinazugawa looks every bit of scary. He’s taller than the man and is more built, not something that this middle-aged man is capable of dealing with, especially not in this state.

The customer’s face pales as he fully takes in Shinazugawa’s stature and staggers back, but he doesn’t fully back down. “H-hey, I saw her first, get your own bitch,” the man spits out. Giyu feels himself shrink a little bit at the words being directed towards him. He’s about to say something again, but notices that Shinazugawa’s gaze darkens more and walks closer towards the man, filling the space between them.

“Before you say any other stupid words, that’s a man. I suggest you get out of here before things get really ugly,” Shinazugawa threatens as his eyes level with the man in front of him. Through his drunken haze, the man realises that Shinazugawa isn’t joking around and he throws a couple of insults towards him before he darts to the doors to make his escape.

It’s quiet and awkward between Giyu and Shinazugawa once the man leaves, neither of them knowing what to say to each other. Giyu knows that he has to thank him for saving his ass while he froze, but the words struggle to come out. His ego feels bruised from having to rely on someone else for help. He feels weak. Despite all of his efforts to come off as masculine, it still never seems to be enou-

“I hope you aren’t considering whatever the fuck that guy said,” Shinazugawa says with a harsh tone despite the look of concern in his eyes. Giyu opens his mouth to retort, but he finds himself unable to get the words out. He’d be lying if he tries to dispute what Shinazugawa said, so he just stays quiet while fiddling with his fingers.

Shinazugawa lets out a sigh as if he’s able to deduce Giyu’s answer just by his silence alone. “What time are you off tonight?” Shinazugawa asks Giyu. Looking at the clock, Giyu notes that it’s nearing 11 now. Despite how hectic it’s felt, it still slowly crawls on. “I’m off at midnight tonight,” Giyu answers quickly, not entirely sure why Shinazugawa is asking or why he cares.

Shinazugawa let out a thoughtful hum and puts a couple of items on the counter to check out. Giyu looks at the items and waves him away, “Just take them, it’s fine.” There’s a piece of gratitude hidden in these words and Giyu hopes that Shinazugawa can pick up on it despite Giyu still not being able to get the actual words out. Shinazugawa gives him a once-over and nods his head. While gathering his items off the counter, Shinazugawa’s movements are a bit slow, almost like he’s thinking of what to say next to Giyu.

“Stay safe for the rest of your shift tonight, okay? I won’t always be here to save your ass,” Shinazugawa says once he has everything in his hands. It’s a snarky remark, but Giyu can decipher the care that’s laced throughout it. Giyu makes a noise of agreement, and before he knows it, he’s left alone again in the shop, only the resounding ding of the door opening fills up the space.

Once he knows that he’s fully alone, Giyu allows himself to let out the sigh that he didn’t know he was keeping in. He feels his body deflate as he tries to relax. He’s a bit on edge about the drunk man, but he knows that he’s at least gone for now and hopes that he never sees him again. His mind wanders back to that interaction, and before he can allow himself to spiral, he quickly whips out his sketchbook. He isn’t sure what he wants to draw, but he knows that he needs to distract himself with something.

The book feels heavier than it usually does, maybe the weight of his disappointment is rubbing off on the smooth covers of the book, filling the pages as his passion recedes. He flips open the book and goes to the next blank page that he has available. He pulls out a shitty pen and instinctually brings it down to the page, only to pause once he remembers that he has nothing to fuel his creativity anymore. Before dread fills him, Shinazugawa flashes in his mind. Giyu thinks about him. He would be easy to draw. He has sharp features with piercing eyes, long eyelashes, and scars that hold a story.

Before he knows it, his pen is moving by itself. Giyu allows himself to get lost in the shapes that take place in front of him. Soon enough, a familiar face is staring back at him, from the clench in his jaw to the white hair that is mostly out of his face, except for a small piece of his bangs that hangs in the middle of his face. It is so entirely Shinazugawa that Giyu begins to feel a little bit embarrassed with what he’s doing, but another part of him doesn’t care. This is the first time in months that he’s felt inspired enough to create anything and it feels good. Sure, it might be with the guy that he has a turbulent at best relationship with, but he relishes in it for now.

It reminds him of grade school crushes, the aspect of writing a crush's name over and over again on a piece of paper. Giyu doesn’t have a full-on crush on Shinazugawa, but he would be an idiot to deny that he is at least a little bit attracted to him. He continues to fill out the page with small details and shading, feeling a bit more confident in his abilities again. He takes a quick glance at the clock and notices that it’s 11:50. Shocked at how fast time has suddenly moved, he puts a couple of finishing touches on his drawing and packs away his sketchbook in his bag.

The door dings and he looks to see that his older coworker who works the overnight has come in a couple of minutes earlier. Relief floods through him at seeing a familiar face. He gives the older man a small smile and a wave. The older man starts a small conversation with Giyu and he replies in kind. Not enough to truly get to know the man, but enough to be casual and friendly. Once their small talk ends, Giyu makes a beeline for the door, feeling ecstatic about finally leaving his job.

It was an uneventful night until it took a turn and all Giyu wants to do is sleep off his anxieties and prepare himself for the busy day he has ahead of himself. As he takes a couple of steps, he’s stopped in his tracks when he notices a figure in the dimly lit area leaning against the wall of the convenience store. Giyu feels his hands begin to sweat as he thinks the drunkard never fully left and has been waiting for Giyu to finally be alone outside.

“It’s about damn time,” a voice drawls out. Giyu gulps and he tightens his hold on his bag, preparing himself to make a break for it. He hears a sigh being let out and he sees Shinazugawa walk out of the shadows and into the fully lit front of the store. Giyu feels himself unclench as he sees the familiar sight of Shinazugawa and a small warmth begins to flicker through his stomach before confusion takes over.

“What are you doing here?” Giyu asks with an incredulous tone, still feeling a bit of shock at the sight of Shinazugawa. Shinazugawa lets out a hum at the question and does a once-over at Giyu, except this time, it doesn’t make Giyu recoil.

“I was still around and remembered that you said you get out at midnight, so I decided to wait,” Shinazugawa answers back unconvincingly. Truthfully, the answer makes Giyu feel a little weird. It is an obvious lie, Shinazugawa doesn’t sound sure of himself. Giyu wonders if Shinazugawa is worried about him because of earlier, but that doesn’t sound right to him, considering the type of relationship the two of them have with each other. However, Giyu doesn’t have any fight left in him for the night and decides not to question whatever motive Shinazugawa has.

“Hm, well, here I am. Now, I’m going home and going to bed,” Giyu says as he starts to move forward again. After a couple of steps, he hears some footsteps behind him and quickly stops and turns around to see Shinazugawa following him. Instead of telling him to leave him alone, the thought of having a late-night walk with Shinazugawa is enough to make him feel a little giddy inside. Giyu keeps his mouth shut and waits for Shinazugawa to catch up with him. He does feel a little cheeky and tilts his head in question with a small smirk on his face that is quickly replaced with a chuckle. He turns back around to continue his walk home, only this time Shinazugawa is in step with him.

It’s silent for a couple of minutes, both of them not knowing what to say. It isn’t an awkward silence, but it isn’t exactly comforting either. The buzzing of the streetlights, bugs chirping, and the sound of their footsteps on the concrete are what fill the silence for them. An untold conversation between two people who don’t know each other, spending their night together.
Giyu is usually more than okay with silence, but something about this feels different. He isn’t used to the suffocating silence that follows the two of them, specifically. Whenever he lacks in a conversation at the store, Shinazugawa is always the one to fill the silence with whatever nonsense he spews. Being this quiet with him is unnerving and Giyu doesn’t know how to feel about it.

“Soooooo… what do you have going on lately?” Giyu asks, internally cringing at how uncomfortable the question sounded. It’s a long shot that Shinazugawa will even engage in this conversation, but Giyu wants to at least try. Shinazugawa doesn’t reply for a couple of moments, probably trying to figure out if Giyu actually cares or if he’s going to tease him about something.

“Just school and working. Occasionally going out to a certain convenience store. What about you?” Shinazugawa answers back a bit hesitantly, not wanting to be completely open with Giyu. Surprise fills Giyu when he hears Shinazugawa answer him, albeit it sounds a little reluctant, but it’s an actual conversation, something they’ve hardly had. “Same as you, just school and work. Trying to keep myself together,” Giyu says, feeling this conversation ending just as quickly as it started.

Giyu regrets opening his mouth because now that this conversation has failed, their not-so-awkward silence is now horribly awkward. The two have nothing to say to each other, not even a ‘great weather we’ve been having’ can save them. Looking down at the ground, Giyu tries to distract himself by kicking a couple of rocks while he’s walking, and after a couple of kicks, he’s already bored. He decides to give one last hard kick to the rock he’s currently kicking, but he misses his mark and kicks Shinazugawa instead, making both of them stop in their tracks.

Shinazugawa is staring at him with murderous intent in his eyes, shock colouring his face, not expecting Giyu would kick him like that. Despite it being an accident, the look on Shinazugawa’s face makes him chuckle a little bit, which only outrages Shinazugawa even more. “What the fuck was that for?” Shinazugawa asks, his temper peaking through his words. Between small laughs, Giyu tries to get the words out, “I’m sorry, I swear that was an accident. I was just kicking rocks and I missed.” Shinazugawa gives him an unbelieving stare and mutters a simple “idiot” under his breath and playfully pushes Giyu a bit farther away from him and continues to walk.

After taking a couple of moments to collect his composure, he quickly catches back up to Shinazugawa and takes note of their surroundings. They’re almost to his apartment, which is conveniently right in the middle of his job and their university. He has no idea where Shinazugawa lives and feels a bit bad that Shinazugawa is walking all this way with him.

“Where do you live?” Giyu blurts out to Shinazugawa against his better judgment. Shinazugawa looks at Giyu with a puzzled look on his face. “Wait, wait, I don’t mean it like that, obviously. I just feel a bit bad because I don’t want you going out of your way for this,” Giyu tries to quickly amend. “Don’t worry about it, I live this way, too. More convenient for school,” Shinazugawa answers back easily, seemingly convinced by Giyu’s amendment.

“So we’re neighbours,” Giyu says, trying to keep the mood light between them. Shinazugawa glances at Giyu, giving off enough of his disinterest in Giyu’s jokes. Silence soon follows them again, but this time, the two are lulled into a sense of comfort. Giyu sees his building coming into view and prepares to tell Shinazugawa that they will finally be parting, but Shinazugawa beats him to the punch.

“I’m not sure how much farther you live, but this is my place. You’ll be able to get home without me, right?” Shinazugawa asks while pointing to a dark grey building that’s right next to Giyu’s. The confirmation is stuck in Giyu’s throat once he realises what building Shinazugawa is pointing at. “I was kidding about being neighbours, but we really are,” Giyu says incredulously whilst pointing to his white apartment building.

Shinazugawa lets out a huff of amusement at the stupid coincidence of them living right next to each other. Giyu has lived here for over a year, but has somehow never seen Shinazugawa, not that he’s ever really paying attention, though. It scares him a little bit, he doesn’t know if he wants to see Shinazugawa more than he has to.

The two of them part and are at the doorsteps of their respective apartment buildings.

“Well, thanks for tonight, I guess,” Giyu says while he reaches for the door handle, silently thanking every higher power that he’s finally home after this disastrous day. He opens the door as soon as the words leave his mouth and is about to walk in before he hears a soft ‘goodnight’ from his left. He stutters in his walk, but quickly recovers and walks into the lobby as he feels his face heat up from the tender tone he heard from Shinazugawa, not knowing the other man was capable of such gentleness.

Moving himself away from the door and deeper into the lobby, Giyu slowly ascends the stairs, his body feeling like lead as he pushes one leg in front of the other. Once he gets to his apartment, he fiddles with his keys, not able to find his doorkey in the mess of keychains he carries with him. Finally finding it, he opens the door and walks in, basking in the safety of his own apartment. He drops his keys into the little dish next to the door and kicks off his shoes.

As he walks to his room, his body feels more tired with every step and once he makes it, it takes everything in him to not let his tired body collapse on the bed. He lazily sets his bag on the floor and gets clothes ready for his shower that he’s forcing himself to take, wanting to wash away the troubles of the day.

As he steps back out into the hallway and into the bathroom, he quickly glances at the room at the other end of the hallway, seeing that the lights are off. He feels good knowing that his roommate is home, safe, and asleep. But also, he relishes in the silence that follows in the apartment for now, knowing that once his roommate wakes up, the silence is gone with him.
Getting himself into the bathroom and situating his stuff on the counter, he quickly turns the water on hot and sheds his clothing. Despite how comfortable he is with his body at this point, he doesn’t like to linger too long without clothes on and jumps in the shower. He makes quick work of washing his hair and the rest of his body, trying not to think of the words the drunkard said earlier as he washes himself.

Every touch to his body feels like a reminder of who he is and he isn’t sure if he can stomach this thought process right now.

Shutting off the water, he gets out and quickly grabs his towel to dry himself off, wanting to get dressed as fast as he can. But something in him compels him to wipe at the foggy mirror. Seeing himself appear in full with the mist edging around his reflection makes him feel weird. He doesn’t feel disgust when he sees himself now, but he isn’t exactly comfortable with the body he has. Too soft, too curvy, too feminine. He’s thankful that he has small breasts, something easy to hide away from people. He looks at his hair, noticing that it’s getting longer. He can’t remember the last time he got a haircut, but this feels like something he can’t part with. He knows that it makes it harder for him to pass with his long hair that accentuates his feminine facial features, but he can’t find it in himself to care about it.

In high school, when he first came out, he cut his hair short after having long hair for his entire life, and it felt wrong. It wasn’t him. Nothing about him felt like him. His body felt foreign and his hair was the only thing that felt like comfort to him. Since then, he hasn’t drastically cut his hair and only opting for small trims here and there.

Letting out a sigh, he looks at himself one more time before getting his clothes on. But all he could think about is how pretty he would be as a girl.

Bringing a hand to his face, he groans, not believing that he allowed himself to fall down the dysphoric hole when he should already be in bed by now. Dropping his hand, he brushes his teeth and flosses before he quickly grabs all of his old clothes from the floor and makes his way back to his room. Finally back in the comfortable four walls he’s come to know, he drops his dirty clothes into a basket, turns his lights off, and practically dives into bed. He sets his alarms and puts his phone to charge. Lying on his back in the darkness of his room, he feels a sense of comfort wash over him. Letting his body sink into the comfortable bed and glances towards the window, seeing where a small glimmer of light lets itself through the darkness.

The lighting reminds him of how Shinazugawa stepped out of the shadows after waiting for him to get out of work. Giyu feels his face warm up at the thought of Shinazugawa tonight. He didn’t have to help him at all at work or after his shift ended, but he was there. Giyu isn’t sure what he should feel. He knows they aren’t friends, but tonight felt different. Tonight felt like he saw a different side of Shinazugawa that he didn’t know existed. His mind brings him back to when Shinazugawa defended him and outright called him a ‘man’. Giyu didn’t know a gesture like that could warm him in such a way, but remembering the way that Shinazugawa said it is enough to wipe his dysphoric thoughts away for the night.

Letting out a sigh and dragging a hand down his face, he knows he has to get himself together. He and Shinazugawa aren’t friends, but he is feeling warm at the thought of the white haired man. No, he can’t allow himself to actually have a crush on Shinazugawa, that is where he draws the line. Shinazugawa was being nice tonight and that’s all that was, nothing more, nothing less.

Giyu forces himself to shut his eyes and wills himself to try and sleep. He needs to be awake in five hours and he’s not going to waste any more time thinking about someone that shouldn’t be more than an acquaintance at best. Giyu slowly drifts off into sleep and hopes he wakes up not thinking about a certain scarred, white haired man.

Chapter Text

Giyu didn’t think of anything different once he woke up. The blaring of his alarm rouses him from his less than mediocre sleep and his mind immediately brings Shinazugawa to the forefront of his thoughts.

Groaning and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Giyu blearily opens them, trying to adjust to the light from his window that feels blinding. Giyu doesn’t make an effort to fully get out of bed just yet, wanting to prolong this feeling of relaxation for as long as he can. He has a long day ahead of him and he wants nothing more than to sink deeper into the comfort of his sheets.

Faintly, he can hear scurrying throughout the kitchen. He knows that his bubble of peace is going to be quickly interrupted by his roommate, who means well, but sometimes is overwhelming in the morning. Giyu forces himself out of bed before his roommate has the chance to burst into his room and practically drags him out.

His timing couldn’t have been better because just moments later, as Giyu is stretching his arms over his head, Urokodaki Sabito, his roommate and best friend, is knocking at the door, expecting Giyu to still be bundled in his blankets.

Shaking his head out of exasperation, Giyu quickly opens the door so Sabito doesn’t knock it down. “Oh, hey, you’re out of bed on time for once. What the hell happened to you last night? You look like shit, ” Sabito says, ever polite. Sabito gives Giyu a once-over and can see the bags drooping heavily underneath his eyes. He raises an eyebrow at the state Giyu is in and before Giyu can get out a word, Sabito is already leaving and going back into the kitchen, getting ready to prepare Giyu a thermos of coffee for the rough day ahead.

It takes a second for Giyu to realise Sabito is gone and an even longer moment for him to finally get moving and get himself ready.

Sabito and Giyu grew up together. Both of them sticking together through all the phases of life so far. Sabito knows Giyu like the back of his hand and can assume that something happened last night, leaving Giyu a bit more listless than usual. Sabito is the extrovert and Giyu is the introvert. It doesn’t make sense how they’ve managed to remain as close as they are, but they make it work. The two of them have done everything together, from dealing with each other’s family problems, relationships, sports, everything has been experienced by the two of them together.

Giyu knows that Sabito only ever wants the best for him, but sometimes it’s hard to deal with his own issues when Sabito is able to take one look at him and analyse him. Going to university and living together was a no brainer for the two of them. Sabito stresses that it’s important that Giyu branches out and tries to make more friends, but Giyu knows that Sabito is happy with the comfort of knowing that Giyu is right there with him. They’re not exactly codependent on each other, but they’re each other’s person, it’s as simple as that.

Sabito yells for Giyu to hurry up from the living room, rousing Giyu out of his thoughts. Quickly throwing on some clothes and rushing to the bathroom to brush his teeth, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and cringes at how messy he looks. Once he finishes brushing his teeth, he doesn’t have enough time to even attempt covering the heavy bags under his eyes and he quickly attempts to brush through his hair before giving up and throwing it into his usual messy ponytail.

Giyu quickly gets out of the bathroom to grab his stuff in his room before he meets with Sabito in their living room, who is practically tapping his foot out of impatience. A warm thermos of coffee is waiting in his hands, though, and all Giyu can do is thank Sabito for thinking of him. Sabito lets out a little scoff and shakes his head with a small smile on his face, an action that shows the adoration he feels for Giyu.

When they were younger, Giyu had a harder time being around Sabito. It wasn’t because of how vastly different their personalities are, but because Giyu had a raging crush on Sabito. Giyu has known that he’s gay and trans since he was a young teen, making his prepubescent life even harder than it had to be. Giyu always knew he was different than the people around him, but he was never able to place the reason why.

Coming out to Sabito was one of the hardest things he’s ever done in his life. He was so scared of the reaction from Sabito more than his own family. He wouldn’t be the person he is today without Sabito. But of course, Giyu had nothing to worry about; Sabito’s love for him never wavered, making Giyu’s feelings grow more and more.

Giyu never told Sabito about the romantic feelings that he harboured for him, and he never will. For one, Sabito is straight, and two, Giyu could never risk their relationship falling apart if he told him this. Now being twenty, he’s over his crush on Sabito, and he’s thankful for the relationship that he’s kindled with him. Since they grew up together, Giyu is happier having Sabito in his life as his best friend, confidant, and brother. Now, the thought of doing anything romantic with Sabito is enough to make Giyu cringe in something akin to disgust.

He’s happy with how things are. Sabito has always been the more athletic type and Giyu is the more artistic one. Sabito likes girls and Giyu likes boys. Sabito is outspoken and Giyu is withdrawn. They are the exact tonal opposite of each other, but that’s why they work so well.

Leaving their apartment and heading to university, Giyu can’t help but look back at the neighboring building. He never cared about it before, but now he can’t help but wonder if Shinazugawa is going to walk out behind him.

He’s slightly disappointed when he doesn’t see a tuft of white hair leave the apartment doors, but he quickly brushes it off and tries to focus on whatever Sabito is rambling about as they walk to school.

Looking down at the pavement in front of him and kicking pebbles, his mind wanders back to Shinazugawa from last night. His face warms at the thought of Shinazugawa protecting him from the drunkard and waiting to walk him home. Aside from Sabito and his family, no one has ever been so protective of him. He’s had a couple of short-lived relationships in his life and a couple of one-night stands, yet none of them have been able to make him feel like Shinazugawa did last night.

Sabito glances at Giyu once he stops giving him noncommittal hums, indicating that Giyu stopped listening entirely. He stops in his tracks once he sees that a red flush has overtaken Giyu’s face, something that never happens.

Grabbing onto his shoulder, Sabito forces Giyu to stop in his tracks and look at him head on, making sure to hold onto his other shoulder so Giyu can’t escape his grip. “What’s wrong with you? Who has you blushing like that?” Sabito asks, not wanting to beat around the bush about this. It’s been a while since Giyu seemed even remotely interested in anyone and he needs to know the details now.

Giyu tenses in Sabito’s hold, not wanting to explain himself. He tries to move his head to avoid eye contact and look for an escape, but the shake of his shoulders makes him surrender the thoughts, knowing there’s no way in hell Sabito would let him out of this.

Giyu sags his shoulders and lets out an exasperated breath, really not wanting to explain anything since he himself doesn’t know exactly what he feels. He debates fully indulging Sabito with the details or if he wants to keep it as vague as possible. However, knowing there’s no escaping the interrogation, Giyu decides to bite the bullet and tells Sabito the entire story.

Giyu is able to escape Sabito’s grasp, launching into the history between him and Shinazugawa at the convenience store and the incident that happened the night prior. Through his explanation, Giyu keeps an eye on the exaggerated facial expressions that Sabito gives, always acting more animated than a real person. His expression shutters when he gets to the drunkard who harassed him last night, protectiveness seeping into his face.

The look of unease slowly lessens as Giyu explains that Shinazugawa helped him out and ensured his safety, and while Sabito looks like he’s upset that he wasn’t there to help Giyu, he seems glad that someone was there to step in. His expression only brightens once he hears that Giyu actually sketched something, and that something was Shinazugawa.

There’s a teasing glint in Sabito’s eyes, and the urge to poke fun at the way Giyu is handling his attraction makes him chuckle. Before he can get out the first joke, Giyu is quick to shut him up, “Nothing is going on between us, I’m sure that we will go back to being annoying, and I’ll get over this in a week.”

Sabito lets out a hum of assent, but something tells Giyu that he doesn’t actually believe him.

“I’m surprised that you even spoke to Shinazugawa in the first place. Nothing against the guy, but growing up, we never spoke with him, ever,” Sabito says, wanting to find out more about their tentative relationship. “I wouldn’t say we’re friends or anything, but this is definitely the most I’ve ever talked to him. It means nothing, though, we’re practically strangers,” Giyu says, trying to sound convincing, but he can’t tell if he’s trying to only convince Sabito or himself, too.

Sabito lets out another hum, like he’s trying to decide if he should ask any more questions or if he should drop it. He glances at Giyu one more time, trying to read his body language. Deciding he likes what he can gather, he drops the topic and goes back to whatever he was talking about before.

Soon enough, the two of them reach their campus and go their separate ways to their classes. Giyu trudges to his first lecture of the day, something Medieval art history related, he stopped fully paying attention in the third week of class. Luckily, it’s easy enough for him to not fully pay attention and he can still pass his classes by just reading the textbook and doing some memorisation of key terms.

Getting to his class, he beelines it to the back of the room where he’s been sitting since the start of the semester. He likes to be alone and not draw any attention to himself, hoping that the professor’s droning can make the time pass by faster.

It’s about halfway through the lecture when Giyu’s hand starts to itch, like it needs to do something other than lazily write notes. Pulling out his sketchbook, he turns to a blank page, quickly flipping past the drawing of Shinazugawa. With the blank page in front of him, his mind also draws a blank. He internally groans at his inability to come up with things to sketch nowadays. Something that used to come easily now feels like pulling teeth.

Looking at the classmates around him, he finds himself drawn to the side profile of a guy a couple of rows in front of him with a mask on. Feeling one track minded, he begins to use him to doodle something, trying to sketch the outline of his face. However, as he continues to draw, the drawing is shaping to look more and more like what Shinaguzawa’s side profile looks like. His hands, almost intuitively, making sharp lines and adding scars across his face.

Shocking himself, he quickly slams the book shut, not worrying about how loud it is. This causes a couple of curious glances to be thrown his way and Giyu can’t help but shrink lower in his seat. Looking back to where his original subject sits, he can’t help but think about where his mind derailed. However, he’s surprised when he sees who’s sitting next to him.

Familiar white hair and lilac eyes fill his view and Giyu feels his breath catch. Giyu thinks he’s hallucinating. Surely the guy he was just sketching isn’t actually here in this class, right? He quickly averts his eyes and lowers his head and rubs his eyes harshly, almost begging for his vision to clear into something that makes sense, like his mind is playing tricks on him.

Looking back at the seat again, he sees that Shinazugawa is actually there, still looking at Giyu with a small smirk on his face. How has he never seen him before? Granted, as soon as Giyu gets into class he keeps his head down and barely pays attention, but he feels like a fool for missing something so obvious.

Not wanting to give Shinazugawa any more attention, Giyu snaps his attention back to his notebook and tries to focus on whatever the professor is saying. Giyu doesn’t care about Medieval art right now, he just needs to distract himself from the fact that he and Shinazugawa have shared a class this entire time.

Not soon enough, the class finally ends and Giyu rushes to pack all of his items, determined to leave before Shinazugawa has the chance to talk to him. Giyu isn’t prepared to face him, he doesn’t trust himself to act normally with his recent realisation of how he might feel for him.

Giyu makes it out in record time. He speeds down the halls and doesn’t slow down until he turns a corner, confident that Shinazugawa wouldn’t have been able to catch up with him.

“Where’s the fire?” Giyu hears a familiar voice from behind him. Shutting his eyes sharply and letting out a huff, Giyu opens his eyes again and slowly turns to the source behind him. Forcing his face to look as uninterested as possible, Giyu meets Shinazugawa’s gaze head on. Shinazugawa is standing with his arms crossed and an unimpressed look on his face.

Giyu can’t deny the slight warmth that he feels when he sees how Shinazugawa’s arm muscles flex as he crosses them. Giyu quickly snaps out of it, not wanting Shinazugawa to think that he’s ogling him.

“Well?” Shinazugawa inclines, like his patience is wearing thin. Giyu completely forgot that he should reply to the other man before he gets distracted by how good Shinazugawa looks with his arms on display and the stray piece of hair in his face, as always.

“I just have to go to my other class, it’s across campus,” Giyu says, trying to lie as smoothly as he can. He keeps his face and his tone as neutral as possible, not wanting to give anything away. Shinazugawa nods his head, like he’s accepting of the answer.

“I didn’t know you were in that class. What was that about in there?” Shinazugawa asks with mirth swimming in his eyes. Giyu raises an eyebrow at him, pretending like he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

“Don’t make me spell it out for you. Why did you slam that book shut? Making all that noise defeats the purpose of sitting all the way back there, doesn’t it?” Shinazugawa asks, quirking an eyebrow like he’s mocking Giyu.

“Oh, that,” Giyu pretends to ponder. “There was a bug on my notebook and I smashed it,” he finishes, hoping that it’s a believable story. It’s the worst excuse he could’ve come up with, but he wasn’t expecting to play twenty questions right now.

Shinazugawa, by the looks of it, doesn’t believe him either. He gives Giyu a furrow of his thin eyebrows and lightly shakes his head in disbelief at what he’s hearing. “Let me get this straight, instead of smacking the bug off of the book and onto the floor or something, you decided to sandwich it in between your pages so when you need to use it again, it’ll be there,” Shinazugawa says, trying to rationalise the story that Giyu told him.

“It wasn’t my best moment, I agree, but I moved on autopilot,” Giyu says, trying to defend himself. Giyu internally groans. Why did he say that in the first place? Shinazugawa lets his horrible excuse slide and Giyu feels grateful, but he doesn’t want to continue this conversation if he doesn’t have to, he feels his composure slipping with every second.

“Well, I gotta go to my next class,” Giyu says hurriedly, trying to escape with the little dignity he has left. Shinazugawa gives him a nod, and with that, Giyu is quick to leave. He doesn’t even have a class right now. He would usually go to the library for an hour to study a little and then go to his next class, but now he just needs to leave.

–

Luckily, Giyu doesn’t have many classes on Tuesdays, they’re his easy days. Only three classes take up his time and then he’s able to go home. However, he doesn’t get to relax once he gets home. He has to ensure that he does all of his assignments and half-assedly draws what he needs to get done. No passion found in the lines he draws. Then, once that’s all said and done, he has to get ready for another night shift at the convenience store at 6 pm.

Getting home has always felt like salvation for Giyu. He hates being out and being surrounded by people, even if he hardly socialises. Having to be attentive in all of his classes and being outside of his comfort zone is enough to weigh him down.

Jamming his key into the door, Giyu makes quick work of opening the door and closing it behind him, kicking off his shoes as he goes. He trudges to the living room and practically throws himself on the couch, allowing himself a couple moments of respite. Shoving his face into the cushions, he groans loudly, knowing that Sabito isn’t there to bombard him with questions.

Sitting up, he feels the weight of last night and the day eat at his bones. He’s so tired, but he knows he can’t allow himself to rest for too long. He fully makes himself get up and goes to the kitchen to eat a quick meal of instant noodles.

After scarfing down the noodles, Giyu goes to his room and all but collapses in his chair at his desk. Pulling out his laptop, he checks on any assignments or readings he has to do and feels his eyes droop from tiredness. The caffeine from the coffee he drank earlier is long gone, and he knows that once he gets to work, he’s going to have to chug an energy drink if he wants to make it through the shift.

Begrudgingly, he goes through everything he has to do, growing more and more tired with every finished piece of work. Once he’s fully completed everything, he notes that he only has an hour before work. Letting his head fall onto the desk with a thunk, he lets himself sit there for a couple of minutes to compose himself.

It’s a short-lived moment of rest because he feels himself falling asleep, making him jerk in his seat and sit upright, not being able to afford accidentally sleeping through his shift. Rubbing at his tired eyes, Giyu forces himself out of the chair and gets ready for work.

With about twenty minutes left before he has to clock in, Giyu leaves the apartment with his bag in hand. He usually doesn’t mind the quick walk to work, but today, every step he takes feels monumental. Not even the bustling noise around him is enough to wake him up.

Soon enough, he makes it to the store and gives a quick wave to his coworker behind the desk. He beelines it to the fridges to grab an energy drink and brings it to the front. He pays for it and with a couple minutes before he has to clock into his shift, he goes to the back and sits down, cracking open the can as he goes down.

Only having about five minutes before he has to go on the floor, he quickly chugs the drink and crushes the can in his hand. Giyu takes a couple of moments to stare at the floor, contemplating how badly he really needs this job.

Knowing it’s a lost cause to think about that, he lets out a small groan and stands up, heading back out to the front. The rotation is fast, and his coworker is gone in the blink of an eye, leaving Giyu alone for the time being.

Usually, he has about an hour before people start trickling in to grab a quick dinner after a long day. In this hour of peace and quiet, Giyu tends to relish in it, enjoying the calm before the storm. However, today, he wishes that the flow of customers started earlier; his mind immediately wandering to Shinazugawa.

He can’t help but wonder if Shinazugawa will come by today, and if he does, will it be awkward? Giyu knows that his social skills are less than subpar, and after his slight interaction with Shinazugawa today, he can’t help but wonder if he weirded him out in any way. Today was one of the only times the two of them have had a normal conversation and Giyu finds himself wanting more. Last night, he was able to see a side of Shinazugawa that isn’t immediately teasing; it makes Giyu feel like their relationship is getting better, like they’re becoming more than strangers.

Thinking about it, it makes sense. After last night, it would be hard to go back to the way they used to be. Giyu doesn’t know how to feel about it, though. He would love to get to know Shinazugawa better, but he wishes it came from something other than him needing help. He doesn’t know if the two of them would’ve ever gotten there with how their relationship has been, but it would’ve felt better than him feeling like a damsel in distress.

Letting out a deep sigh, Giyu lets himself sink onto the countertop, resting his head on his arms. He passes his time by scribbling faint shapes with his fingertip, feeling the coolness of the counter travel up his hand. He doesn’t know how much time he kills doing this, but it soothes him. It helps him take his mind off the whirlwind of feelings he has brewing inside of him, the feelings he doesn’t know how to deal with just yet.

He knows that he can never admit any of his attraction to Shinazugawa, that’s not how the two of them are. They’re supposed to stay at arm’s length from one another, and for the most part, Giyu is okay with that. He doesn’t want to make a fool of himself. Despite how much he wants to get closer to the other man, he knows that he shouldn’t. Giyu has always been better alone. Being a recluse with one or two close friends to get him through his days has always been enough for him. He’s been able to skate through life mostly okay. Why would he risk changing that?

Growing up, he had a bit of a harder time when he realised he was trans and his older sister getting sick. He’s fortunate enough to have a good set of parents and a best friend he could always rely on. Things got better, though. His sister got stronger with every passing month and his family never turned him away when he finally came out to them.

So all in all, Giyu has lived a fortunate life. He doesn’t like change. He doesn’t like meeting new people. He would rather stay the same, finding comfort in his complacency. Sadly, he knows that life doesn’t work like that. He’s going to have to set out and do things he doesn’t necessarily like. Would becoming friends with Shinazugawa be something that he’s really okay with?

Settling with his thoughts, the jingle of the door takes his attention. Slightly perking at the noise, a quick flash of hope goes through him, wanting to see striking white hair, but just as fast as it came, it goes. Instead, he sees a teenage boy, probably barely going home from sports or something. From then on, Giyu focuses on his job. He helps every customer that comes in, and with each one, he finds himself more and more disappointed that Shinazugawa hasn’t come in yet.

He doesn’t know why he thinks Shinazugawa would come in this early, though. Their interactions are usually later into the night, but he can’t help but feel the need to see the other man drive itself deeper and deeper into him.

As the night gets later, the rush of people dies with it. Working the night shift at a convenience store really isn’t so bad. Sometimes the later hours tend to get a bit boring, but from about 7 to 9 pm, the hours fly by. Looking at the clock and seeing that it’s almost 10, Giyu considers this night to be a success so far. Luckily, tonight Giyu is off at 11 instead of midnight, his manager will do anything to ensure that Giyu doesn’t have to take a lunch break, and therefore schedule another person to watch the shop for those thirty minutes.

With almost an hour left of his shift, Giyu goes and quickly faces the shelves, making the store look at least a little presentable for his next coworker who comes in. While he’s busy with the shelves, he hears the door ring, but decides he doesn’t care to see who it is. He’s had enough disappointment tonight with thinking every new customer is going to be Shinazugawa.

Letting out a noise of acknowledgment to the noise, he continues to focus on quickly finishing the task at hand. He only has a couple more rows to look over before he can finish his night off at the counter.

Giyu’s so focused on his task that he doesn’t notice when someone stands right next to him, making him jump when he hears the voice he’s been craving to hear the entire night.

“Wow, you’re actually working tonight. You’re usually just sitting pretty behind the counter when I come in.”

Whipping his head to the source of the voice, he is shocked to finally see Shinazugawa. A feeling of warmth travels through him once he registers that he called him ‘pretty’, one that he quickly wants to stamp out. Making sure to school his expression, Giyu looks at Shinazugawa with a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Wow, seeing me two nights in a row? Lucky me,” he says as he leans against the shelf, trying to be careful not to knock over all the work he did.

Shinazugawa quirks an eyebrow at Giyu’s words, not wanting to give him more of a reaction. “Don’t be like that, you know your nights are boring without me,” Shinazugawa says with a knowing smirk.

Giyu fights a blush that tries to make its way onto his face, he doesn’t want to let his true emotions show to Shinazugawa, since he doesn’t even know what he really feels right now. Giyu settles on giving Shinazugawa a noise of contempt, not wanting to give anything away.

Shinazugawa lets out a half-defeated sigh, knowing this conversation isn’t going to go anywhere. Giyu gets back to work, noticing that Shinaguzawa goes to the fridges to get whatever he usually does.

Giyu finishes the last couple of shelves with ease, using work to push his Shinazugawa-laden thoughts out of his mind. He swiftly goes behind the counter, wanting to use it as some kind of safety net to keep a distance away from Shinazugawa.

He only has about twenty minutes before his shift ends and he desperately hopes that it’ll end fast enough with nothing embarrassing happening like the night before. His pondering is cut short by Shinazugawa coming back into view. He drops his items onto the counter and Giyu quickly rings him up, not wanting to prolong any of their interactions.

They don’t talk while Giyu is ringing his items up, and Giyu is thanking every deity for that. Shinazugawa keeps a close eye on Giyu, almost like he’s absorbing every one of his movements. It’s a little unnerving, and Giyu feels his hands shake from the attention he’s receiving.

Giyu finishes up quickly and Shinazugawa pays, but instead of leaving and saying a teasing remark, he lingers, almost like he wants to say something. Apprehension is written on his face, making Giyu feel nervous.

“Is it okay if I walk you home again today?” Shinazugawa blurts out, almost like he didn’t want to lose his nerve. “Y’know, just in case another creep is around.”

Shock fills Giyu hearing Shinazugawa being casual with him, not like there’s any real animosity between the two of them, but still, it’s a weird and unexpected change. Giyu hesitates for a moment. On one hand, he would love nothing more than to finally learn more and become actual friends with Shinazugawa, but on the other, he’s worried about his feelings developing further into anything more. For now, he can pretend that what he feels is mere surface-level attraction, but he worries about how easy it would be to fall deeper into whatever he’s currently feeling.

Shinazugawa notices Giyu’s hesitation and his expression shutters, like he wasn’t expecting Giyu to hesitate for so long. “Never mind, forget I asked. I hope you get home safe.”

Shinazugawa is quick to grab his items and turns towards the door, almost like he’s rushing out of there to get out of an embarrassing situation. The abrupt movement is enough for Giyu to snap out of his thoughts. Something in Giyu compels him to stop Shinazugawa, to not let this opportunity go to waste.

Giyu half lunges over the counter and desperately reaches for one of Shinazugawa’s arms, feeling the corded muscle underneath his fingertips tense, “Shinazugawa, wait!”

Shinazugawa jerks in surprise and almost drops his items on the ground. He quickly turns back to Giyu and looks at him with shock written all over his face.

Giyu gives him a timid smile, unsure if he can allow himself this vulnerability. However, something in him makes him not want to run away anymore. He’s always lived on the sidelines, not allowing himself to fully have what he wants. Giyu steels himself, he wants more from this life. He wants to allow himself these pleasures of connections and relationships.

“Shinazugawa, I would love it if you walked me home.”

Chapter Text

There’s a nice breeze that hits Giyu and Shinazugawa as soon as they step out of the store. They hesitate at the doors for a moment, almost unsure if they should be taking this step in whatever tentative relationship they have with each other.

But Giyu wants to extend this branch, he wants to get closer to Shinazugawa. Giyu looks up at him with a small smile. “Are you ready to go?”

Nodding his head in the direction of their apartments, Giyu takes a tentative first step, still a little scared about connecting with Shinazugawa like this. Giyu keeps his head forward while he walks, not wanting to see any hesitation that Shinaguzawa might be showing on his face.

He takes a couple of steps and looks at the bugs buzzing under the lightposts, frowning slightly when they fly a little too close for comfort. His disgust is cut short by the faint scuffle of footsteps scraping against the poorly paved sidewalk behind him. From his peripherals, Giyu sees Shinazugawa take up space to his right, the two of them walking side by side.

Despite living in a somewhat busy city that is usually bustling with students, night is always surprisingly serene. There’s hardly anyone out at this time other than overtime workers rushing to get home from their grueling shift or students dragging themselves to get junk food to power them through another late-night study session.

The two of them are quiet, only letting the quiet hum of the lights around them fill the noise. It’s peaceful and doesn’t feel awkward, despite the lack of proper conversations between the two of them. They walk closely together, shoulders almost brushing with every step.

Giyu finds himself in a weird spot. He doesn’t know what to say to Shinazugawa, it’s not like he’s known for his stellar communication skills anyway, but he wants to make the effort with the other man. He fidgets with his fingers for a moment, trying to think of anything to say, but nothing easy comes to mind. He tries to think about anything that Shinazugawa tends to buy when he’s at the store and all he can think of are those nasty cigarettes and whatever miscellaneous snacks he gets.

“What’s your favourite food?” Giyu asks before he can stop himself. He cringes slightly at himself, noticing how desperate a topic of conversating this is. Shinazugawa gives him a side eye, like he also notices how desperate an attempt it is, but he humours Giyu anyway.

“For a meal, I’m not sure. I like good food and like to make sure I eat well, but for a snack, my mom always makes the best ohagi with some green tea,” Shinazugawa says, turning to take a good look at Giyu’s face.

“Wow, didn’t expect you to like sweets,” Giyu says, a little surprised, but can’t help but tease.

Shinazugawa lets out a slight scoff at the teasing, but doesn’t let it bother him. “Well, I’m sorry to break expectations, but what’s yours? I bet you eat like shit.”

Giyu slightly clenches his jaw in defeat. Shinazugawa isn’t wrong. Giyu has never had the best eating habits, not like it’s on purpose or anything, but he always finds himself too lazy to make himself a proper meal, or he forgets to eat. Especially now that he’s not living at home, he finds himself mainly relying on convenience store food or instant ramen, the university student essentials.

Giyu lets out a sigh and sees a gleam of victory shine in Shinazugawa’s eyes. “You’re not exactly wrong, but my favourite meal is simmered salmon with daikon.”

Shinazugawa lets out a slight hum. “I don’t know what I was expecting the answer to be, but it makes sense that you would like something as simple as that.”

“Hey! It might be simple, but it’s filling and good, so that’s all that matters to me at the end of the day,” Giyu says with a slight roll of his eyes, but holding no real attitude in the action.

Shinazugawa raises his arms in mock surrender. “Hey, I’m no stranger to cheap and good food, hell, I’ve lived most of my life off of struggle meals. It’s just kind of funny to have that as a favourite meal, but I guess I can understand the appeal of enjoying something like that.”

Looking at Shinazugawa, Giyu thinks about what he just said about living off of struggle meals. It’s not like his family was very wealthy growing up, but he doesn’t think they ever had something they would deem as a ‘struggle meal’. Despite it being something disheartening, Giyu feels himself get a little lighter knowing something deeper about Shinazugawa. They grew up adjacent to one another. There was never any real opportunity to get to know each other, but now, as they’re older, there are so many more chances to find out more.

Giyu nods his head in assent to Shinazugawa’s response, not knowing what else to say, but he feels like the atmosphere around them has grown lighter. There’s a slight pep in Giyu’s step as they continue their trek back to their apartments. The bugs and buzz of the night continue to fill the gaps that their steps leave. It’s comforting, knowing that Giyu isn’t as alone anymore.

Despite it being a small step, Giyu feels better knowing that they can develop a real friendship with each other.

Soon enough, the two of them part ways to their apartment buildings and bid each other goodnight. Getting up to his unit, Giyu quickly goes through his nightly routine and instead of succumbing to the pull of his bed, he goes to his desk instead. From his bag, he pulls out his sketchbook and opens it to the next open page. Flipping past his previous Shinazugawa drawings, Giyu can’t help but feel embarrassment creep up his neck. He almost feels his building want to draw fizzle out, but he’s quick to push the embarrassment aside and grabs a pencil and begins to sketch.
Just like the other pages, the lines and curves of Shinazugawa’s profile begin to take shape. None of these drawings has ever been polished or fleshed out, but the act of sketching makes his mind work in ways he hasn’t felt in months. There’s something so wonderful about feeling inspired again, even if the cause of this is a guy who can barely be considered a friend.

Giyu doesn’t care, though. He’s just happy that he can put something on paper again. He lets his hand go to work and finds himself happy with the progress that he makes in such a short amount of time. He lets himself get lost in the lead that makes up Shinazugawa.

After drawing for roughly thirty minutes, he looks at the time and jolts in surprise at how late it’s gotten. It’s past midnight at this point and he has another busy day ahead of him. Fully taking in the page, he finds himself happy with the details he’s able to remember to add. Reluctantly, he closes his sketchbook and packs it neatly away in his bag, hoping that those pages never see the light of day.

Sliding into bed, Giyu feels himself grow hopeful at the prospects of being able to learn more about Shinazugawa the next time he sees him.

__

And that’s how Giyu’s last couple of weeks end up going. At school, when the two of them cross paths, they are more friendly with each other, opting to wave or nod to one another instead of pretending like they don’t exist. And, when they see each other in their shared class, they always lock eyes, like they’re searching for each other. They don’t typically talk because there’s not enough time, but the acknowledgment is enough to send butterflies through Giyu.

At night, when Giyu has to drag himself to another shift, Shinazugawa is always there. Giyu doesn’t know how he knows when he has a shift, but he finds himself not caring if it means that Giyu can experience what Shinaguzawa is really like without any prying eyes. Shinazugawa comes in about ten minutes before Giyu has to leave and they continue to have their usual banter about anything.

Then, once it’s time to finally go home, Shinazugawa walks home with him and they both relish in the peace around them. They still don’t talk that much on these walks, but every night they ask another question about each other. It’s become a drawn-out game of twenty questions and Giyu loves it. Through this, Giyu is able to learn about his family and what he studies at school, he finds out that the art class they share is required despite Shinazugawa being a math major. It’s all such mundane information, but anything about Shinazugawa is spectacular to him.

They have basic conversations, but it’s what works for them. It feels more intimate than any conversation could feel between friends. To a degree, Giyu knows that he’s exaggerating these moments because of his feelings, but he really can’t help but feel like, through these simple conversations, that he and Shinazugawa are becoming great friends.

Aside from surface-level information like favourite colours or food, they’ve also divulged secrets of the past to one another and told each other things that they haven’t spoken aloud in years. It’s like there’s a safety bubble around them where they feel like they can talk about anything and everything.

Getting to know each other so slowly has allowed Giyu to see many sides of Shinazugawa. From the beginning, Giyu has always known that he is more than the harsh scars he carries on the surface, and every time Giyu finds out a morsel of information, he’s proved right time and time again. There’s thought and care in so many of the actions and words that Shinazugawa gives; it’s just a little hard to see through the snark he carries to protect himself.

When Giyu found out more about Shinazugawa’s home life, like his abusive father and how he carried, and still carries, the responsibility of being the protector of his younger siblings and his mother, it all made sense. His litany of scars comes from the abuse he faced as a child, from things like broken bottles being thrown at him, amongst other things, which hardened him into the person he is today.

Giyu recalls how Shinazugawa looked when he told Giyu the stories of his past. He remembers seeing the pain haze his lilac eyes, the memories burning themselves deep into every crevice of Shinazugawa. He remembers seeing the anger that curved its way down Shinazugawa’s arms into clenched fists. But, he also remembers seeing the gentleness flutter through his face once Shinazugawa brought up his many siblings and his mother, and how lucky he feels to protect them. Giyu only felt the respect and adoration he carried towards the man skyrocket.

Giyu wishes that he befriended him years ago, back when they were younger. It would’ve been so nice to grow with someone like Shinazugawa by his side. He loves and cherishes every moment that he’s had with Sabito, but there’s something so enthralling about Shinazugawa that he can’t help but feel small flickers of regret when he thinks about how much time they lost.

Maybe that’ll be the next thing that Giyu asks him, if he remembers Giyu well enough from their past.

He knows he isn’t the only person who knows this information about Shinazugawa, but during this time, he can’t help but feel like they’re the only people in the world. He carries that feeling with him until he gets to the safety of his apartment and pulls out his sketchbook.

This habit has also become a part of his nightly routine. Instead of filling the time in class or behind the counter at his job, he waits until he’s in his room and fills another page with a portrait of Shinazugawa. He knows it’s pretty creepy. He’s not even on a first-name basis with the other man, but he can’t help but feel the need to draw him out like this. With the routine they created, Giyu fully acknowledges that he’s developed feelings for the other man, but he decides to sit on them. He doesn’t want to break the friendship they have with a revelation such as a crush.

There are so many aspects of Shinazugawa that Giyu has been privy to that he can’t help but feel like he’s forced to develop such feelings for him.

So for now, until the crush fades away, Giyu will continue to draw the object of his affection. It stings a little bit, knowing that this is another love that Giyu won’t be able to indulge in, but that’s okay with him. As long as he has Shinazugawa to fill the space of those once lonely late-night walks home, then he’s more than happy.

Unfortunately, Sabito found out about his developing feelings and his nightly habit of drawing Shinazugawa. Not thinking that he was awake, Giyu let his guard down in his room and wasn’t prepared for his best friend to barge in and catch him in the act of finishing up another scarred portrait. Knowing there was no way out of the conversation, Giyu begrudgingly told Sabito the events of them getting to know each other slowly, but meaningfully.

Giyu also showed him all of the past drawings he did. He still chuckles remembering how Sabito’s eyes practically bulged out of his head when he saw how many pages were filled. Sabito gave him the caring, but supportive best friend speech about getting his man, but Giyu quickly shut it down. Sabito looked at him and gave him a sigh of defeat and was about to leave the room, but ensured to tease Giyu about being a creep on his way out.

Now, Giyu makes sure to lock his room and fully immerse himself in the act of drawing. He knows it’s beginning to become a problem, one that definitely would qualify as insane, but he can’t help it. Being able to unwind and draw something that’s not for an assignment or a project feels so freeing. He does feel a little guilty about this when he thinks about it for too long, but he’s quick to brush those thoughts aside. He’s not doing anything harmful, just a little... weird.

He doesn’t even want to think about what would happen if Shinazugawa found out about this habit of his. If it were only one drawing, then maybe he could get away with it without any consequences, but at this point, Shinazugawa fills up almost half of his sketchbook.

That’s where Giyu finds himself now. He’s filling another page, making sure to shade each scar just right for this pose. Giyu doesn’t know how he hasn’t run out of ways to draw Shinazugawa. There are only so many ways to draw one person, but Giyu likes to have fun with his sketches. He doesn’t need them to be perfect, so he lets himself be a bit loose with the concepts each time.

Sometimes they’ll be full-body drawings of what he saw Shinazugawa wearing that day, he imagines what he might wear on a weekend where he’s able to relax at home, what he would wear at a party and how he’d act, he imagines what Shinazugawa would look like if he were from a different time or world, he imagines if Shinazugawa would look like if he was a character from a show or something. Giyu lets himself have fun. It allows him to think and create so much more thoughtfully than he feels like he ever has.

Some of the drawings are spread across two pages, some are coloured, some are drawn only in green ink, some are black and white; it just depends on how Giyu feels to express his feelings of adoration.

It’s silly and each finished drawing makes Giyu’s feelings for the other man grow stronger. It isn’t the healthiest or best way to deal with a crush on a friend, but Giyu finds himself not caring right now. He knows they won’t ever get into a relationship and one day Giyu will have to do something dramatic like burn the book so no one will ever see it, but that’s okay.

Everything is okay.

Soon enough, Giyu will be able to see Shinazugawa without feeling like his heart is going to climb up his throat. He’ll be able to hear his laugh without wanting to play it on repeat. He’ll be able to look at the crinkle of his eyes when he smiles and not feel like the moon is swallowing him whole. He’ll be able to look at those once intimidating scars and instead of wanting to rub his fingers along them, he’ll only feel strength and respect emanate from them.

For now, Giyu absorbs every detail that he can and only hopes that he can do a well enough job of replicating such beauty in his book. It’ll feel weird once he gets over these feelings and he’s left with a book full of declarations of unspoken love, but that’s okay.

In the future, Giyu will always be able to look back at this time in his last year at university and think fondly of the unexpected bond he’s been able to establish with Shinazugawa. Something as beautiful as feelings of love are things to think fondly of, not something to be saddened by.

His past unrequited feelings for Sabito never defined how he would view any future feelings for other people. If anything, he embraced that. Previously, his love for his friend made him feel guilty and wrong. But now, when he thinks about loving Shinazugawa, he relishes in it. It feels like a fantasy to him, being able to love and think about someone so much. He knows that eventually he’ll have to get over Shinazugawa, but for now, he lets himself drown in the thoughts of what-ifs.

When he’s finally alone in bed and he lets the day wash over him, he thinks about what it would feel like to be wrapped in Shinazugawa’s arms, to feel the warmth and safety comfort him. He wonders what it would feel like to finally kiss Shinazugawa. Would his kisses be filled with passion, or would they be more gentle? In those kisses, would he tenderly cradle Giyu’s face with a scarred hand, or would he possessively hold onto his waist, ensuring that he can’t go anywhere, or would he do both? Most of all, Giyu thinks about tracing the harsh lines of scars that Shinazugawa carries along his arms and his face. He wants to show love to such horrible, physical memories of every bad thing he shouldn’t have ever had to go through.

Something burns through him when he thinks about how he collected those scars. Giyu wishes he could hold Shinazugawa close to him and ensure that he feels loved. He wants Shinazugawa to feel or see his own scars and be reminded that someone loves him, cherishes him.

Giyu won’t lie and say it doesn’t slightly hurt to not be anything more than friends, but he also soaks in the fact that he’s this close with Shinazugawa in the first place. He feels blessed to see how many facets the other man has. He’s one of the few people that Shinazugawa has fully let his guard down around.

Even though they haven’t been friends for very long, Giyu can’t help but think that his life would be achingly different without Shinazugawa in it. Sure, they spent these last couple of months mostly annoying each other, but now things have drastically changed.

Giyu’s nights are filled with conversations that matter, whereas before he would pop in an earbud and make the short walk home, not caring much about his surroundings. But now, with these meaningful conversations and a new outlook on his day-to-day life, he finds himself absorbing so much more.

He sees the beauty of the bugs basking in the light of the streetlamps and the cacophony of sounds that surround him at night that create a symphony he feels like has never been made before. The peaceful atmosphere of the night is something he never paid much attention to, but now, he looks forward to the relaxing nature of it all.

Looking at the clock, Giyu realises he’s been thinking about Shinazugawa for way too long again, something that has been happening more and more frequently. He looks down at the sketch he was doing and notices that he didn’t finish. Unknowingly, he got too lost in his thoughts, and his hand stopped moving on autopilot like it feels as it had been for the last couple of weeks. Looking at the unfinished drawing, he has a small frown settling on his face. He only has a couple of lines down on the page; they were almost starting to shape Shinazugawa’s face.

Concluding that he’ll finish the drawing tomorrow, he shuts the book and stashes it away in his bag. He sidles into bed and makes himself comfortable under the covers, allowing the day to wash over him. Shutting his eyes, he quickly succumbs to sleep, and unlike before, he hopes that he’ll be able to dream of Shinazugawa.

Chapter Text

Being back at work almost feels like a little bit of an escape from the busyness of Giyu’s life. He dreads having to come and stand around for hours, boredom eating away at him, but it’s time he gets to spend not thinking about the mounds of assignments that he has to do.

Also, it’s where he can freely think about Shinazugawa.

As the days go by, he finds it harder and harder to keep his mind from straying from the other man. A part of him welcomes these feelings, but another part of him wants him to quickly get over it. However, he wants to allow himself these selfish moments of being able to feel more than complacency for something, for someone.

Fiddling with a pen between his fingers, Giyu finds himself constantly looking at the clock while longing for Shinazugawa to finally come into the shop for the night. It’s still decently early into the night, meaning he doesn’t expect Shinazugawa to come for a few more hours, but the desire to see him melts through Giyu.

The sound of the door chime makes Giyu perk up, hoping to see Shinazugawa walk through the doors. A flash of disappointment sets through him when he sees a woman with pink and green hair walk in. She looks familiar, but he can’t remember why, he’s probably seen her around school. It’s hard to miss someone like this. Behind her, a shorter man with bob-length black hair comes and a face mask comes in as well. Giyu can’t help but wonder why both of them seem so familiar. He’s never spoken to either one of them before, but there’s something in the back of his head reminding him that he should know them.

The two are talking to each other; she’s loud and he’s mainly listening. Giyu can’t help but wonder if he and Shinazugawa are like that. The way the shorter man is looking at the woman is so obvious that he has some sort of feelings for her. Giyu wonders if they’re together or if he’s pining, just like Giyu.

However, that thought is quickly cut short when he wraps an arm around her waist to keep her close. Giyu feels himself deflate a little bit seeing the act of intimacy and possessiveness so easily displayed. Something burns inside of Giyu, it feels like jealousy and envy, such green feelings that Giyu can’t stand.

The two of them are stopped in the opening of the store, like they’re waiting for more people to come in. Giyu starts to feel dread fill him, but it quickly dissipates when he sees a shocking head of white hair come in behind the two. Once the three of them are together, the woman gets louder and more excited while the black haired man looks at Shinazugawa with a small glare, like he’s a threat.

It’s quickly wiped off his face when Shinazugawa gives him a slight shove, making what’s visible of his face a little red and an indignant look in his eyes quickly takes over. Giyu can’t help but chuckle at the dynamic of the trio that walked in. They probably walked together and Shinazugawa wanted to have a quick smoke break outside first, which is why the other two had to wait a little bit.

Shinazugawa looks away from his friends and looks right at Giyu’s watching eyes, a small smirk overtaking his features while he gives Giyu a nod of his head in greeting. Giyu doesn’t bother to greet back, but he’s quick to avert his eyes after that, feeling like he had been watching for too long anyway.

Giyu forces himself to be busy behind the counter with a log sheet while he waits for the three of them to check out. But while he’s working, he can’t help but subtly listen in to the interactions they’re having. It’s easy with the light hum of the music in the back being the only other noise in the entire store.

He hears the woman’s boisterous voice, the light hums of acknowledgement from the shorter man, and the harsh words of Shinazugawa, but there’s something else there in his tone. Shinazugawa sounds softer than he normally does. The words he says are harsh, but he seems a lot more relaxed and calm around these two. From what Giyu can see from this distance, the permanent frown that takes residence on his face is gone. Instead, a gentle and content slight upturn of his lips takes its place.

For a moment, something stutters in Giyu. He feels something akin to inadequacy crawl under his skin, something that he hasn’t felt in a long time. When he was younger, he constantly worried about being enough for people, but now that he’s older, he finds himself caring less and less and being happy with the people he has in his life.

Being friends with Shinazugawa, he’s never felt like he has to act like he’s more than what he is. He thought it was okay for him to be passive and quiet, but seeing how Shinazugawa interacts with these two other people, it makes Giyu question everything he thought. If he tries harder to be more talkative, funnier, bubblier, would Shinazugawa speak and look at him the way he is with the other two?

Since Giyu has the privilege of learning more about the other man, he can’t help but feel like he’s special, but maybe that’s just hopeful thinking. Maybe the moments they share are just fleeting conversations between strangers. People who won’t mean anything once they graduate in a couple of months. These are just secrets and stories that won’t go anywhere.

There’s something comforting about talking to strangers about your life. Knowing that you won’t ever have to see them again. Knowing you’ll be able to distance yourself from them and your secrets means nothing. Maybe that’s all this is for Shinazugawa. Maybe he just needs to vent everything out to someone who wouldn’t judge.

A brittle sadness settles in Giyu’s chest. Maybe he overthought his worth in this friendship, or situation they’re in. His infatuation warped their friendship in his mind, thinking they’re closer and hoping it could lead to something more.

He stops focusing on the trio walking around the shop, going back to busying himself with his work.

Only a couple of agonising minutes pass, and soon enough, the trio is ready to pay, making Giyu face his problems instantly. He tries to quickly ring them up so he doesn’t have to deal with this problem any longer than he has to. He makes sure to be cordial, not wanting to give any unwarranted attitude to these unassuming people.

He keeps his face passive and doesn’t look at Shinazugawa, not thinking he can handle looking at him head-on right now. He feels a set of eyes staring at him, and he feels the back of his neck prickle at the attention. He quickly wraps up their checkout and finally wills himself to quickly glance at Shinazugawa, meeting his weighted stare.

Looking away quickly, he bids them goodbye and doesn’t bother looking at Shinazugawa’s receding figure. Hearing the chime of the door, Giyu finds himself alone again.

He lets out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding in. He feels himself deflate, his essence whistling out of him like a balloon. Feeling defeated, he carries this with him for the rest of his shift; time passes slowly with the light trickle of customers coming in.

Shinazugawa doesn’t come back for the rest of the night. It doesn’t sit right with Giyu; the change in their unofficial schedule makes him upset, but his revelations earlier in the night make him more upset. He doesn’t think he can bear to be in such close proximity with Shinazugawa tonight, so maybe it’s not such a big deal that he didn’t come back.

He’s probably having a better time with his friends than he would wasting his night with Giyu walking home.

Letting out a deep sigh, he collects his things and prepares to walk out. With his bag in his hand, he feels his sketchbook’s imprint burn through him and his thoughts. He feels a wave of shame wash over him. The bliss of finally having a muse is quickly washed away.

Giyu bristles at the thought, but quickly shakes it from his mind.

Walking out of the store, he hesitates. He feels wrong not having Shinazugawa by his side, but there’s nothing he can do about that now.

Taking a couple of steps out, he tries to focus on the bugs buzzing and the landscape around him like he has been for the last couple of weeks, but it doesn’t bring him the peace that it usually does. The buzzing of the bugs and the lights overhead overstimulate him, making his skin crawl. The darkness of the night and the light cast shadows all around him, and for the first time in a long time, he feels like he needs to be cognisant of his surroundings. Something he didn’t have to worry about with Shinazugawa by his side, a steady pillar of strength to rely on. Now, the lack of Shinazugawa makes him feel uneasy; he doesn’t feel the protection he’s gotten accustomed to. Since that fated night a couple of weeks ago when Shinazugawa helped him against that drunkard, Giyu has subconsciously depended on that same protective nature and strength to keep him safe at night.

His safety net is gone for the night, maybe forever, now that Giyu has come to his conclusion. Whatever, it’s fine, it’ll just be another thing that Giyu has to deal with alone. He continues to walk back to his apartment, a deep sadness filling his chest from the lack of his usual companion.

Looking at the floor, he kicks a rock, a small grimace forms on his face, thinking about his first night walking with Shinazugawa when he accidentally kicked him while trying to push another pebble forward. A small laugh gets stuck in his throat, thinking about how angry Shinazugawa looked then.

Giyu goes to kick the rock again when he hears footsteps behind him. Not wanting to turn around and see if someone is following him, he picks up his pace.

“Hey, asshole, quit walking so fast!”

Giyu’s footsteps stutter when he hears that voice call out to him. A part of him wants to stop and wait for Shinazugawa so they can walk like they have been for almost every night. But the other part of him wants to run away, not wanting Shinazugawa to see how vulnerable he is right now.

Unfortunately, the latter wins. Giyu gets out of his momentary stupor and continues his brisk pace. He hears an affronted noise and the slap of shoes hitting the pavement speeds up behind him. Despite them being similar heights, Shinazugawa has a longer stride and is quickly able to catch up to Giyu, grabbing his wrist to stop him.

Giyu doesn’t attempt to pull away, knowing that Shinazugawa overpowers him any day of the week. However, Giyu feels his hold weaken after the initial contact, allowing him to pull away if he really wants to, but Giyu accepts defeat.

Giyu doesn’t look up at Shinazugawa; the floor pulls his attention.

“Why did you leave without me?” Shinazugawa asks, something akin to worry laces his voice.

Not trusting himself to talk, Giyu gives a simple shrug of his shoulders.

Shinazugawa lets out a noise in question. Giyu feels eyes boring into him. He feels a prickle on his neck from the unwanted attention.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you?” Shinazugawa asks while giving a slight shake to Giyu’s wrist, like he’s begging to have Giyu’s attention on him.

Giyu gives a shake of his head. For a moment, the two of them stand in silence. The sounds of the streets encompass them, making them feel like they aren’t exactly alone. Giyu doesn’t want to talk, but also, he wants to get this conversation over with so he can distance himself from the other man. “I didn’t think you would walk with me tonight. You were with your friends,” Giyu says in a hesitant voice.

“So? I walk you home every time you work. Why would that change anything?” Shinazugawa grunts out. Giyu feels a flicker of hope bloom in his chest, but he quickly stamps it down, not wanting to get ahead of himself.

Giyu finds himself speechless, though. He doesn’t know what to say that wouldn’t give himself away. “I just thought you would be with them for later tonight, that’s all,” Giyu forces himself to say, so they don’t stand in an unnecessary silence.

It doesn’t stop the silence from persisting, though. They are enshrouded in a cloak of awkwardness that they haven’t felt in weeks.

“That’s my roommate and his girlfriend. I see them enough. I’m surprised you don’t recognise Obanai, he’s in our art history class, he sits next to me. Also, he’s from our hometown, too, but I guess that doesn’t mean anything since we didn’t exactly mix friend groups or anything,” Shinazugawa says in a thoughtful voice.

At his words, the recognition hits him like a train. He can’t believe that he couldn’t remember seeing Iguro Obanai in the hallways of their high school. Or from the glances he would throw towards Shinazugawa during their class. Or how he didn’t remember seeing the other two on campus with Shinazugawa when they would pass each other in the halls of their university. Giyu supposes it’s because he was only ever focused on Shinazugawa.

Giyu lets out a hum of acknowledgement.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with you? And why you’re avoiding looking at me?”

Giyu stiffens at the question, despite knowing that the question was going to arise again. Feeling a little defiant, Giyu raises his head to look at Shinazugawa. What greets him are lilac coloured eyes with worry swimming through them. A look of apprehension settles on Shinazugawa’s face and Giyu decides that he doesn’t like that look on the scarred man’s face. Giyu feels the urge to cradle Shinazugawa’s face, to smooth out the unease.

“What do you mean? I’m looking right now,” Giyu says, trying to put up his usual nonchalant front.

Shinazugawa tilts his head in question once he can fully look at Giyu. He seems not to like whatever is on Giyu’s face, and Giyu sees his other hand clench, like he’s resisting the urge to reach out and hold onto him.

Letting out a scoff of disbelief at Giyu’s obvious front, Shinazugawa levels him with a stern look, like he’s not letting Giyu out of this so easily. “So, are you gonna answer my other question? What’s going on with you?”

Giyu stands there, a war of emotions waging within himself. He doesn’t want to be here right now, but he knows he’ll feel worse if he doesn’t clear up everything right now. Steeling himself, Giyu exhales deeply, trying to find the words to say to the other man. He doesn’t know how to say what he wants without sounding ridiculous, insecurity gnawing at him.

Giyu doesn’t want to let go of this friendship, but all he knows is detachment and avoidance. He let himself get too close in the first place. He knows that he has to do whatever this is, in hopes of protecting himself.

“It doesn’t matter, Shinazugawa. I have to go. Let go and leave me alone,” Giyu says, trying to make himself sound uninterested, despite the words feeling like ash the moment they leave his mouth.

Shinazugawa looks at him with wide eyes, almost like they’re about to bulge out of his head. His mouth opens and closes a few times, like he’s struggling to come up with something to say in opposition. After a couple of beats of silence, instead of saying anything, he lets out an affronted noise, not being able to form a real word. The noise sounds like it clawed its way out of his throat, almost like he couldn’t stop it from escaping.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Shinazugawa asks with confusion lacing his words. His pale, thin eyebrows scrunch in frustration and confusion, making his face wrinkle. Giyu lets out a sigh, wondering why the other man is making this so difficult.

“I don’t know why you’re pretending. I know you don’t see me as a friend; I’m nothing more than a stranger, so you can bounce your secrets off of. I saw how you act with your real friends tonight, and I realised that you don’t act like that with me,” Giyu lets out, not caring about how ridiculous he sounds now.

Letting out a growl of something akin to frustration, Shinazugawa rubs his face with his free hand out of exasperation. He releases Giyu’s wrist and brings it to his face, joining his other hand, his fingers bending like he’s going to claw out his eyes at the confession he was told. Giyu catches himself before he can let out a small noise of displeasure as he registers that the warmth from Shinazugawa’s hand is gone.

Giyu follows Shinazugawa’s motions as he drops his hands down from his face; his arms dangle limply by his sides. There’s an influx of emotions that cross his face, ranging from confusion, frustration, and something else that Giyu can’t pinpoint. “Hey, pay attention, idiot, because I’m only going to say this once,” Shinazugawa calls out, finally finding his voice after letting Giyu’s words settle. Giyu’s eyes snap to his, finding himself getting lost in the swirling storm of emotions that swim through them.

“Listen, I don’t know what the hell is going through your head, but do you think I’m the type of person to just go spouting my life story shit to just anyone? Of course, we’re fucking friends, dumbass. These nightly walk conversations have meant more than anything I’ve had in a long time. So, get that stupid thought out of your pretty little head and let’s go home, it’s late as shit,” Shinaguzawa declares, already turning around to start walking, not giving Giyu a moment to refute what he said.

Instead of following in his stead, Giyu feels like his feet are cemented to the ground below him. A furious blush overruns his face as Shinazugawa’s words echo in his head. Shinazugawa called him pretty so casually that it leaves Giyu’s head spinning. He also admitted their friendship with a level of determination in his eyes that Giyu’s never seen.

Giyu doesn’t get a word in, either. He wants to talk more about what he saw, but with the conviction that Shinazugawa showed, it’s hard to argue against that. He stays there for a few more moments, trying to calm himself down from Shinazugawa’s outburst. Apparently, his lack of movement bothers Shinazugawa, considering he looked over his shoulder and let out a disgruntled noise, seeing that Giyu hadn’t moved an inch. “Hey! Hurry the fuck up, I want to go home!”

At hearing his voice, Giyu snaps out of his thoughts and quickly wills himself to move to catch up. Once they start walking side by side again, it’s quiet. Instead of them asking questions, there’s an awkward silence, neither one of them knowing what to say after that. The sounds of the bugs and lights overhead are a welcome cut through the silence. Instead of being overstimulated by the noise like he was just a couple of minutes ago, he’s now thankful he isn’t only enshrouded in a stifling silence.

The crunching of the sidewalk under their steps is grounding to Giyu. It reminds him that with every step, there is a physical reminder that this is a real interaction that the two of them are having. “You’re not gonna ask me a question tonight?” Shinazugawa asks, breaking the silence.

Taking a quick glance at him, Giyu sees that the other man is relaxed. Shinazugawa has his hands interlocked behind his head, a complete 180 compared to how he was acting a couple of minutes ago.

Giyu considers what Shinazugawa asked. He does have a question, but he’s not sure if he wants to know the answer to it. He’s still insecure about where they stand with each other. But also, if Shinazugawa is going to insist that they’re friends, then Giyu wants to know exactly where they stand.

“How come we don’t talk outside of these walks at night?” Giyu asks the other man, making sure to pay attention to his expression.

Shinazugawa, though, is unfazed, almost like he’s been expecting Giyu to ask this question at some point. He lets out a thoughtful hum, his mouth opening for a moment before it quickly snaps shut. A look of hesitation flits across his face.

Giyu lets him collect his thoughts and looks ahead, focusing on their walk instead of his curiosity about what Shinazugawa is thinking. He knows that it’s a hard question to answer when being put on the spot, especially when the two of them have trouble communicating. Not paying attention, Giyu doesn’t notice that Shinazugawa stops in his tracks.

When he finally does notice the lack of a body next to him, he’s quick to stop walking and turns around, facing Shinazugawa from a short distance. Giyu notices that he’s fiddling with his hands and he has a small grimace on his face, almost like he’s nervous.

Giyu tilts his head in question, wondering what the other man is thinking about so intently for him to stop walking altogether, especially since he’s the one who wanted Giyu to hurry up in the first place.

Not trusting his voice, Giyu takes a couple of tentative steps towards the white-haired man, worry filling him. Once he’s almost directly in front of him, Shinazugawa snaps out of his reverie and looks directly into Giyu’s eyes. “You want to know why we don’t talk outside of this?”

Giyu gives an unsure nod of his head, not entirely sure if he does actually want to know the answer to that. Shinazugawa’s expression stutters before it clears once again, a newfound confidence slowly taking place along with a subtle redness traveling up his neck and making a home on his cheeks.

“To be truthful with you, I didn’t expect us to actually become friends,” Shinazugawa starts and all Giyu can do is nod his head in agreement. “But that night with that drunk bastard, it felt wrong leaving you behind. It didn’t sit right with me to just assume you would get home safe, especially after something like that. I thought these walks would be filled with nothing but silence, but of course, you had to open your stupid mouth and try to bridge the gap between us,” Shinazugawa lets out, his hands clenching at his sides while he’s starting to avoid looking at Giyu’s eyes.

Giyu goes to open his mouth, but he doesn’t know what he wants to say. Shinazugawa looks at him again and there’s something on his face that makes Giyu snap his mouth shut.

“Telling you about my life and everything I’ve been through is something that I never expected to do. In fact, you were the last person in my life that I thought of telling all of that to. You’ve been a bastard ever since that first conversation we had all of those nights ago. But along the way, you’ve made a place in my life; it’s unexpected, but it’s not unwelcome. Truthfully, I-” Shinazugawa cuts himself off, a contemplative look on his face.

Shinazugawa lets out a deep groan, almost like he’s going to regret saying whatever is on his mind. “You know how we never talked when we were growing up?”

Giyu gives him a nod of his head. Of course, he knows that, he wishes they were friends then. Giyu wanted to ask tonight how much he remembered of him before everything derailed.

“Yeah, well, I noticed you all the time. There was something about you that made it hard for me to want to talk to you. I thought you had an air of arrogance to you because of your personality. I assumed that you thought you were better than those around you. However, even with that in mind, I was always captivated by you when I saw you,” Shinazugawa confesses, his face now a raging scarlet colour. Giyu knows his face isn’t any better. He feels the heat prick his cheeks, not able to control it even if he wanted to.

“God, this is so embarrassing,” Shinazugawa admits while he buries his face in his hands. Giyu doesn’t like that. Giyu wants to see his face. With slow, hesitant movements, he moves closer to the other man and gently grabs his hands, pulling them away from his face. Shinazugawa fixes him with a surprised look, not expecting Giyu to be so bold. Giyu holds onto the eye contact and doesn’t let go of his hands, either. “Let me see you, please,” Giyu all but begs.

Looking like he wants to hide again, Shinazugawa lets out a small groan at Giyu’s words. Frankly, Giyu didn’t know he had that in him, either, but this conversation feels too important to let slip away. Rubbing soothing circles and tracing the scars on the back of Shinazugawa’s hands, it prompts him to start talking again.

“After we graduated, I didn’t think I would see you again, and I was okay with that. It’s not like we ever spoke before, anyway. I went through all of my years of university without seeing you. Then one day, we randomly crossed paths at school. I was shocked seeing you, all of a sudden, you just appeared. Then, you showed up here at this damn store and we started talking, and while it wasn’t anything more than us antagonising each other, something in me settled. I didn’t think anything else would happen, but it was enough for me just to be able to talk to you. Think about it, when was the last time I bought a pack of cigarettes?”

Shinazugawa pauses for a second, hesitating to say anything more. The two of them lock eyes, and it feels like a magnet is pulling the two of them together in this moment. Giyu ponders his question and quickly runs through everything that Shinazugawa has bought these last couple of weeks, and all that comes up in his head are chips and other snacks. A warm, fuzzy feeling travels through him at the realisation, and he allows a small smile to inch onto his face.

Feeling like he has to prompt him again, Giyu continues to touch Shinazugawa’s hands freely, moving lower onto his arms and settling on the scars of his forearms before he speaks, “So, why don’t we talk outside of this?”

Shinazugawa’s eyes widen when he sees and feels Giyu’s arms move lower onto his arms and settle on his scars. Despite feeling a little unnerved from the heavy stare, Giyu doesn’t stop touching his scars. Instead, his touch grows more gentle as he traces the raised and jagged skin. He continues his ministrations, prompting Shinazugawa to speak.

“Tomi- Giyu, if we were to talk outside of these conversations, then I wouldn’t ever be able to get you out of my mind.”

Giyu’s hands stutter at the confession from Shinazugawa. Giyu isn’t completely dense; he knew where this conversation was headed the moment that Shinazugawa opened his mouth, but hearing it aloud is axis tilting. Taking a little too long to say anything, Shinazugawa's face stutters and he attempts to pull away. The movement snaps Giyu out of his thoughts and he tightens his hold on his arms to prevent him from pulling away.

“Is that really so bad?” Giyu asks, making sure to catch Shinazugawa’s eyes again, hoping he can convey how he feels.

When those words leave Giyu’s mouth, it’s almost like time stops. The two of them continue to look at each other, but neither of them can will themself to say anything. The sounds and atmosphere around them set the tone of this conversation. A feeling of certainty grips Giyu in this moment, and a newfound resolve settles in his bones.

“I like you, Sanemi.”

It shouldn’t be shocking to hear, but once the words leave Giyu’s mouth, Sanemi’s eyes widen again, almost like he was never expecting Giyu to confess something like that to him.

Giyu can’t help but bask in the look that Sanemi is giving him. Wonderment and adoration are swimming in every feature of his face.

“I draw you,” Giyu blurts out by accident.

Now it’s Giyu’s turn for his face to turn the shade of a tomato. He snatches his hands away from Sanemi’s arms and covers his mouth with his hands, in disbelief that he admitted that. Taking a glance at Sanemi’s face, he finds that his face is also a shade of deep red and his mouth is agape in shock. In a split-second decision, Giyu turns on his heels and attempts to get away, humiliation racing through his body. He hears a sputter of confusion behind him before he hears the pounding of pavement behind him. “What the fuck! You can’t say that and run! Get the fuck back here!”

Sanemi is quick to catch up and he catches Giyu by winding his arms around his waist. Pulling them flush together, Giyu can’t help but freeze at the contact. The feeling of Sanemi’s arms around him is one that he’s been dreaming of for weeks; he can’t believe that he’s finally here.

The feeling is short-lived as Sanemi loosens his grip and turns Giyu back around to look at his face. Giyu mourns the loss of the warmth and protection he felt in that short moment. Sanemi raises his hand and tucks a stray piece of hair behind Giyu’s ear, every movement deliberate and gentle, like he can’t believe this is happening.

Sanemi settles his hands back on Giyu’s waist, keeping him in place. “So, what is this about you drawing me?” Sanemi asks him, a smirk settling on his face.

Giyu wants to combust; embarrassment is the only thing he can feel at the moment. However, he knows there isn’t a way out of this. Sanemi’s grip is too tight on his waist and Giyu can’t find it in himself to pull away. Letting out a sigh, he settles his bag on the floor and opens it, and digs around for his sketchbook.

With shaky hands, he pulls out the book and holds it out for Sanemi to take. “Open to the middle of the book if you really want to see them,” Giyu says, feeling disappointment travel through him as Sanemi’s hands immediately retreat from his waist. Grabbing the book tenderly, he opens the book to the middle like Giyu says and a shocked expression takes over his face at the first drawing.

Sanemi doesn’t say anything. The only sound is the turning of pages. Giyu keeps a close eye on his expression; he’s scared that Sanemi will find this creepy. With every page turn, Sanemi’s face looks more and more stunned by the number of drawings there are. Apprehension fills Giyu and he feels the need to say something. He takes a step back and takes a deep breath. Sanemi’s eyes snap to Giyu’s figure, noticing the movement immediately.

“I’m sorry if this is we-” Giyu starts, but is quickly cut off by an arm winding around his waist and a pair of firm lips pressing onto his. Giyu’s eyes widen and he lets out a noise of surprise. It takes a couple of seconds for his brain to catch up with what’s happening, and in that time, Giyu’s lack of reciprocation makes Sanemi start to pull away.

Feeling Sanemi’s movement, Giyu is quick to throw his arms around his neck, pulling him back in. Due to the force, the kiss is all teeth clacking, but the two of them quickly settle into a rhythm. Giyu hears a noise to his right and suddenly, a scarred hand is cradling his face, keeping him steady.

Giyu leans into the hand, feeling the warmth seep into his cheek. The movement makes Giyu tilt his head, ensuring that the kiss grows deeper, more fervent. The kiss is everything that Giyu has imagined it would be. He feels sparks travel from his lips to the rest of his body. The kiss is all-encompassing. He doesn’t know where he starts and where he ends. All he can think about is the plush of Sanemi’s lips on his.

Reluctantly, he moves to pull away, only hesitating when Sanemi leaves a small nip on his lips. Once he finally brings himself to pull away, the both of them are panting for air from the intensity of this moment. Giyu can’t help but lean in again to leave small, fleeting kisses on Sanemi’s lips before fully pulling away.

His hands are still around Sanemi’s neck, playing with the short hairs on the nape of his neck. Sanemi’s eyes flit across Giyu’s face, making him feel shy. Wanting to hide away from those beautiful eyes, he brings his head to the crook of Sanemi’s neck. Sanemi fully wraps his arms around Giyu again, keeping him close.

Nuzzling into his neck, Giyu can’t help the smile that breaks onto his face. Sanemi must feel it because a second later, he’s giving Giyu’s waist small, intermittent squeezes. Feeling light, Giyu plants small kisses on the plane of Sanemi’s neck before giving it a small bite, making Sanemi freeze. “Stop that.”

Giyu lets out a small laugh and pulls away from the safety of Sanemi’s neck. Looking at Sanemi’s face again, a small smile graces his lips and Giyu can’t help but give him one more kiss. Elation fills every part of Giyu, he doesn’t want this to end.

Sanemi lets out a small hum of appreciation at the feeling of Giyu’s lips on his again. Pulling away, Giyu looks at his bag to see the sketchbook lying haphazardly on top of it. He goes to pick it up and puts it away. The events of the day are starting to catch up with Giyu and all he wants to do is go home. He feels Sanemi’s eyes watching every one of his movements, like he’s committing this moment to memory. “How long have you been drawing me?”

Letting out a hum as he puts his bag back on his shoulder. “Since that night you protected me. You awoke something in me that I haven’t felt in a long time. I wanted to create again and all I could think of drawing was you. So, after every night we spent with each other, I would draw you again and again,” Giyu confesses, refusing to look at Sanemi’s face.

Sanemi lets out a small chuckle and kisses Giyu’s cheek. “You’re ridiculous,” He says before pausing, “Wait, is that what you were doing in class before you slammed your book shut?” Sanemi asks with a teasing smile on his face. Giyu lets out a groan and pushes Sanemi’s face away from his, not wanting to think about that humiliating moment.

Letting out a chuckle at Giyu’s childish antics, Sanemi finally lets go of his waist and takes a step forward to their apartments. He beckons Giyu to follow him. Giyu is quick to follow in his footsteps and reaches for Sanemi’s hand, wanting to finally feel what it’s like to interlace their fingers together.

Walking in silence again, Giyu can’t help the warm and light feeling that unravels in his chest. Happiness radiates off of him with Sanemi’s hand in his own. A smile graces his face as they continue to walk forward. “Come on, let’s get you home. You have another drawing to put in your book,” Sanemi says while turning his head towards Giyu with whose own smile graces his face.

Giyu fondly shakes his head and lets out a small laugh. Another sound joins the chirping of bugs and the buzzing lights overhead, promising that these nights are only for them.