Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Have you ever felt like you don't fit into the world around you, that you're a broken puzzle piece others would rather throw you out then try and fix you. Well Jason doesn't blame them, he wouldn't want to try and fix him either.

It's okay, he likes being alone. If only Jason could make himself believe it. He’ll only hurt them, it's better this way. The farther away he is , the less damage he can do. But some nights he can't help himself, Jason has to see them. To make sure they're alright.

Tonight's one of those nights. He reunited three kids with their families today after busting a trafficking ring. There was one kid who said his family wouldn't care he was gone, that they would have less to worry about without him.

He's never seen parents so happy to have their son back then those two. He had so much love he couldn't see but it was still there just harder to accept when you think you don't deserve it.

Jason can't help wishing he deserves love like that. Wishing he could deserve a family. Maybe Jason did at some point but he doesn't anymore, he's a murderer, a killer, poison. If he gets too close he’ll end up hurting someone.

That's why he stays back watching from afar. Watching for other dangers.

Dicks in Gotham tonight, he’s patrolling with Tim. Right now they're taking down some of penguin's goons. Of course Dicks is adding as much flair a s possible. Tim's fighting strategically, he is the smart one of the family. Even with the different fighting styles they fall in line with each other like magnets. Working together like air and water. He's glad Dicks got Tim watching his back right now. Tim was always a better robin than Jason.

Suddenly one of the goons pulls a gun out of nowhere and points it right at Tim while he's fighting two others. Before Jason can process what's happening he's put a bullet in the goon.

Shit

He doesn't think it was a kill shot but he's taking off before he can find out.

— — — — — — — —

Dicks missed being in Gotham, he's been coming back more and more to spend time with his brothers. Not that he'd ever say it out aloud but he missed fighting with someone by his side. He's been trying to be a better brother and a better son. He doesn't want to waste the time he has with his family like he has before. He only wishes that they could all be together.

He and Tim are out tonight.

It was pretty slow going tonight. That was until Penguin decided to stir up some ruckus.
When they got there he and his goons were threatening some low life for information about someone taking down his operation.

“ Hey penguin, why don't we let the guy go before you get into some real trouble.” Dicks voice is smug and a bit excited because this is the first interesting thing that's happened tonight.

“ Ah the bats I was wondering if you were going to show. I'm afraid I can't do that, he has some very important knowledge of the red hooded menace messing with my plans.”

The red hood? Why would he care what Penguin’s doing? It doesn't matter right now, one problem at a time.

Right before Dick could say anything else, Penguin snaps his fingers and his goons start throwing punches as Penguin makes his getaway with two goons as back up. The guy he was forcing information out of takes off as soon as he's free.

Tim and dick now have at least six goons charging at them. Within a few minutes they have three of them down. Dick thinks he sees something moving on the roof above them but is too busy trying not to get punched in the face to care.

Suddenly two more goons appeared down the alley way. Out of the corner of his eye he sees one pull out a gun and aim it at Tim. Before he can move or warn him he's being tackled to the ground as he hears a gun shot go off. Dick screams trying not to think about losing another brother he couldn't protect. He hears a thud of a body falling to the ground. The next this he knows all the goons are scrambling yelling something about the hood and Tim's in his face asking if he's alright.

“ -wing, Nightwing say something!”

Dicks hands are on his little brother looking for blood. When he doesn't find any he hugs him as tight as he can.

“ You're okay, you're okay, you're okay.” Dick keeps repeating it, rocking Tim from side to side trying to figure out how to breathe right again.

— — — — — — — —

Jason stumbles into one of his safe houses through the window. He tried getting here as fast as he could while still making sure he wasn't followed. The moment he reset the alarm system he ripped his helmet off trying to control his breathing before he sent himself into a worse panic than he was already in.

The bats hadn't yet physically seen him and he was trying to keep it like that because they wouldn't start to dig deep for a rumor. But he knows for a fact that Tim saw him, stared him right in the eye or helmet technically before Jason booked it to his safe house so he could freak out in private.

Jason is aware that if Bruce knows even half the things he's done since he escaped the league of assassins then he wont stop till he finds out the red hood identity. After he knows he’ll have him through in black gate or worse Arkham if Bruce thinks he's insane, and of course he will. Jason is a murderer and no matter how much he's been trying not to kill, that doesn't wash the blood off of his hands.

He's going to be thrown in Arkham with him.

No, No, No he cant go there

Can't be with him, can't hear his laughter again.

He wont, he cant!

He knows he's breathing too fast but he can't stop.

He can see the green filling his vision. The pit wants blood, and he won't go out right now knowing he will end up going too far and he hasn't been killed in two months. Jason isn't going to let that happen, and he knows there's only one thing he can do to stop it. If the pit wants blood he’ll give it blood.

He started heading to the kitchen on shaky legs. He trips over his own feet catching himself on the counter. Quickly losing control Jason digs through one of the draws. Once he finds the sharpest knife he sides to the floor and angles the knife to his throat.

With one quick motion he slices his neck open and watches as the blood, his blood, spills on the floor.

Then he closes his eyes and waits as the darkness takes him away.

— — — — — — — —

-The Bat Cave-

Bruce and Damian enter the cave in the bat-mobile, Dick and Tim are sitting at the bat-computer staring at the screen barely acknowledging the other two as they start to get out of the car.

Dick told Bruce that they were finishing patrol early because of a close call. Wanting to make sure both of them were alright, Batman and Robin also finished early.

Now that he could see both of his other sons he knew that neither were injured making him question why they had ended patrol so early when having no immediate reasons to.

As he walked closer he could see their faces he became more concerned of what threat could possibly be so — oh

“ Is that-”

“Yes.” Dick responded, adding no more information.

Knowing he wasn't going to get much out of his oldest he turned to Tim.

“Report.” Bruce said in a sterner voice than he meant.

“ We were taking out some of Penguin's goons, when one of them pulled a gun on me. Dick got tackled before he could warn me. When I noticed it was too late he was about to pull the trigger, he had a perfect head shot. Then a gun went off, I thought I was done for but then his body fell to the ground. I looked up to where the shot came from and that's also when the rest of the goons saw him too and took off. I looked straight at him then he also booked it in the other direction and I went over to make sure Dick was okay.”

Everyone was silent after Tim finished recounting what happened. Then Damian spoke for the first time since they ended patrol.

“So, he saved Drake, correct?”

“Yes, he saved me. Unless he had another reason for killing the goon.”

“good he's keeping his promise.” Damian mumbled under his breath.

“ What did you say Damian?” Dick asked, his voice full of an unidentified emotion.

“ It’s nothing of importance.”

Does Damian know who the red hood is?

“ Damian do you know who he is?” Tim asked the exact thing Bruce was thinking pointing to the screen that has a paused frame of a security cam showing the red hood on the roof above where Tim and Dick were.

“ Of course he is the reason I'm with you now and not the league.”

“ He trained with the league.” Bruce said as a statement more than a question.

“ Yes, he was my guard. He was always with me making sure no one would harm me. He was one of mothers projects. He was always nice to me, even before he could talk.”

“ Before he could talk?” Tim asked with the most confused face he's ever had, which isn't much since he is rarely confused.

“ Mother had found him with extreme brain damage and extensive injuries especially in his hands, apparently someone had broken almost every bone in his hands. Mother would not tell me who though, she was worried I would hunt him down and make him pay for what he had done to my brother.”

“Brother!?” Dick exclaimed, looking much like a kicked puppy.

Brother? Brain damage? Almost every bone? I couldn't be, right? It's impossible.

As Bruce started to make connections Damian continued talking as if everything he was saying is common knowledge.

“ Of course she is right, If mother or Todd would ever tell me that monster would not survive another day without being in constant excruciating pain.”

Todd that's-

“ Damian.” Bruce said in the most serious voice he could muster up at the moment.

“ Yes father?”

“ What's Hood's full name?”

“ you don't know?”

“Damian! I need you to tell me his full name.”

“ Jason Peter Todd”

— — — — — — — —

“Ugh"

Jason despises the headache he always gets after coming back. He doesn't know how it works or why but he learned that when the pit wants blood it doesn't care whose, and Jason figured out pretty quickly that no matter how hard he or someone else tries Jason can't die. And he much rather have the physical pain of dying then the mental and emotional pain of taking another life.

Slowly Jason gets and makes his way to the bathroom. He flips the light on and looks at himself, god he's a mess.

“Aw man I really liked this jacket. It's going to take forever to get this shit out” This shit being the copious amount of dried blood stuck to his skin and clothes.

After hopping in the shower and changing into a fresh pair of clothes Jason gets to work cleaning his floor that is now stained red with blood. Trying not to focus on the new scar added to his ever growing collection.

1:00 AM

“Damn it, I'm late for patrol."

Jason hastily puts on his uniform knowing he has a drug bust he's supposed to take down in half an hour.

When Red Hood arrives at the docks waiting for his moment to strike he sees something he hopes he's imagining.

Damian breaking into a window of the warehouse he's watching.

“The fuck you doing kid, your going to get hurt” Jason spoke underneath his breath.

Jason sighs as he moves from the dark getting closer to the warehouse.

“New mission make sure the brat doesn't die.”

He slowly enters through one of the back doors not being guarded. He pokes his head through the door looking into the empty?? warehouse. He steps inside wondering what the fuck is going on, when he see it. The shadows moving towards him. Jason turns around to leave when he bumps into Dick fucking grayson.

“Shit”

— — — — — — — —

Chapter Text

-The warehouse one hour before confrontation  

“Does everyone understand the plan?”

If it was anyone else’s they would think Bruce knows exactly what he's doing. But Dicks been around him to know he's worried. This is completely new territory they're walking into. 

It’s taking every Dick to not just go find Jason and hug him until he understands how much he's missed, loved, and wanted.  He knows he wasn't the best brother before, but he's been trying so hard to be better and he's not going to fail Jason again. 

“Father, I know you want Todd back but you must understand he's not the same person you knew before he died. Todd doesn't think he's your son anymore, he thinks you see him as just another villain Whether you know who he is or not.”

“ Damian I understand he's not the kid he was, but he is and will always be my son.”

“ He'll always be a part of this family, whether Jason believes it or not he's a hero. When me and Tim were looking into him to find out where he’ll be next, we noticed a pattern of drug and trafficking operations. When rumors of the red hood started appearing the amount of drugs being sold to kids in crime ally dropped almost 60%, and every time a new trafficking ring would pop up it would be taking down within two weeks. Yes he's a murderer but he's never killed anyone innocent, and reports say he hasn't killed in two months.” 

“ I'm aware Grayson, but it’s practically impossible to resist the pit. It craves blood and it doesn't stop till I gets what it wants”

“ Then how-”

“He’s on the move”  the coms buzz with oracles voice interrupting Tim 

“Everyone in position, Robin wait of oracles go-ahead before moving in”

“Yes Father, I know I'm not incompetent”

“ Robin, sigh… Just be prepared.”

— — — — — — — — 

“Shit”  

“Hood we just want to talk.”

Shit, fuck, damn it. This is not how Jason wanted his night to go, he was just supposed to kick in a few thugs heads, shoot a couple knee caps, and most importantly avoid all bats. 

“ Sorry wing but I've got some plans. I don't want to be late, maybe some other time.” Preferably no other time. 

Quickly backing up Jason starts frantically looking for another way out. 

“ We're not here to hurt you” Jason wishes he could believe Tim but right now they have all the exits blocked and he's starting to feel a lot like a cornered animal. 

There's a small voice in the back of Jason's head saying that they are his family and would never hurt him. But there's a louder voice telling him to run, hide, fight. He is a monster. They lock up monsters, they want to throw him in Arkham and make sure he rots in a cell right next to his murderer. 

Jason doesn't want to hurt his family but all he can see is green and he can't control it. They want to hurt him, throw him away like the broken piece he is. 

Suddenly he's running at his dad Bruce with a knife he forgot he even had on him. It's like he's watching it happen from outside his own body, and no matter what he can't stop it. 

— — — — — — — — 

“ We're not here to hurt you” 

Dick can tell by the way Jason tenses, moving from a defensive stance to one ready to strike that was not the right thing to say. Giving Tim an abort motion from behind Jason, Dick watches as Damian and Tim start moving back when Jason pulls out a knife. 

“Hood!” yells Dick after him when Jason starts charging at Bruce. 

Chasing after him, Dick knows he won't get to Jason before he gets to Bruce. Even if he wanted to, Bruce can't win this fight unscathed. Still Bruce isn't going to hurt Jason, he's going to do everything in his power to make sure his son stays unharmed even giving up his own life. 

Dick can't let this end like that. He'd much rather have his brother and dad both alive, thank you very much.

“JASON” 

Right before he tries to put a knife through Bruce, Jason freezes.

“Put the knife down, you don't need to do this” At some point dick switched to his victim voice without meaning to. But that's what Jason is a victim. That's what he's been almost his whole life, a victim to his mothers drug addiction, a victim to the streets, a victim to the Joker. so much pain for someone so young, he's barely nineteen.   

“ c-c-cant” Jason replied, breathing faster and faster. He turns his head as Dick slowly steps closer.

“It’s ok, you're okay” Dick doesn't know who he's trying to convince Jason or himself.    

“Im sorry”

“what wh-”

It all happens in a split second. One minute Jason was standing the next he was on the floor with a knife in gut. 

— — — — — — — —

Chapter Text

— — — — — — — —

It was the only way. He wouldn't let himself hurt the people he loves whether they love him back or not. He almost stabbed most likely killed his dad. If Dick didn't snap him out of it when he did Jason would have made the worst mistake of his life, and he made a lot of pretty bad mistakes. 

Now bleeding out on the ground of this stupid warehouse he can't help thinking - hoping that for once he’ll stay dead. At least he's not alone this time.

He thinks he hears someone whispering or are they yelling, he can't tell.  Jason can feel someone start taking off his helmet. Something in the corner of his mind tells him he should stop them, but he's really tired and the darkness is comforting.  

Someone's crying he knows that. Oh that's dick, Why is he sad? Doesn't he know everything is going to be okay. He doesn't like it when his brothers are sad. He should help them, but there's something he's supposed to do. 

What?   

oh right the knife, it's still in him. He needs to get that out, before… before something.

 When did it get so cold. 

He really wants to sleep.

just let the darkness take over, everything will be alright when you wake up.

Jason likes that idea, sounds nice….

— — — — — — — — 

“NOOO” Dick hears Bruce yell behind the ringing in his ears. 

wh- why would he do that? 

He can't lose his brother again. 

Before he knows it he's on his knees taking Jason's helmet off while Bruce is applying pressure around the knife. 

As soon as he has the latch undone he throws the helmet somewhere out of sight.

“He-hey Jay, you're okay. Everything's okay.” Please Lord let his brother be okay.

“RR, med kit. Now!” Bruce orders. 

Oh God bruce, he can't lose Jason again, he barely survived the first time. 

“ Jay, please” - No he cant fall apart right now, his brother needs him.

Slowly Jason's eyes flutter open.

“Hey little wing, can you hear me?”

“-’ick?”

“ Yeah i’m-  I'm right here.”

“ s’cold”

In the corner of his vision dick can see as Bruce stars packing the wound.

“Aah.”

“ I known, I know,  just try a stay awake a little longer” 

 “Dick” Bruce's voice snaps out, making dick look quickly over.

“we need to get him to the cave”

— — — — — — — — 

beep beep beep 

Slowly Jason starts coming back into the harsh pain of consciousness. Well he isn't dead so that's one thing, but it also doesn't feel like he was dead either. Usually coming back doesn't feel like someone shoved a knife through his gut.

Oh right 

did.. did the bats save him? Why would they do that?

So they can throw you in Arkham.

“Jaylad”

He must have made some sort of noise, letting whoever's with him know he's awake.

 Jaylad, heh Jason hasn't been called that In years, he.. he missed it. He missed his dad, his brothers, and Alfred. God he hasn't seen Alfred in so long.

Maybe he could- No 

You're a monster, you hurt everyone and everything.

You deserve to be locked up. 

“Oh chum” 

A hand comes to his face wiping away tears that started flowing without him realizing. Jason tries opening his eyes, only to be assaulted by the bright fluorescent lighting above him. He hears some shuffling before the lights slowly dim to a soft glow. 

Blinking to focus his eyes Jason realizes the large confronting lump next to him shaped a lot like an emotional cuddly older brother. 

“ I tried getting him to sleep upstairs but he wouldn't leave you, not even Alfred could get him to move from your side.”

“Oh. why are you here”

“I-I’m um”

“ I mean why did you save me?” Jason doesn't know why he's asking, he should just keep his mouth shut and wait to be read his rights.  

“Wha- your my son, why wouldn’t I”

“ I'm a villain, a murderer, a monster.”

“No, no you're not. Your my son, your a hero. All those deaths aren't your fault.”

Yes, yes he is. No matter what he's the reason they're dead. If he stayed buried so many people would still be alive. It doesn't matter that they were criminals, because they had families, they had a life, a soul. And that's on him, that blood is on his hands. 

As if knowing what he's thinking, Bruce starts holding his hand. His face more Broken up then Jason's ever seen it.

“ That wasn't you, it was the pit, and you ended up controlling it. You're a hero because even magic can't stop you from saving people, it's in your heart to want to help people, fight for those who can't fight for themselves. The pit takes lives but you Jason, you save them. That makes you a hero, that makes you my son. And nothing can ever take that away from you”

Suddenly the tears are back in full force. There's the voice in his head again telling him it's a lie, telling him it's a trap. But maybe it's time he stops listening to that voice and starts listening to his dads instead.  

“ I love you Jay and that will never stop.”

“ Yeah we all love you little wing no matter what.”

Dick looks at him with a smile that says everything will be okay.

And for the first time in a long time Jason believes him.