Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Zoey sat at the lunch table like she always did - hunched over, fiddling with her pencils as she flipped through endless biology notes. She could feel the eyes. The judgement. But of course, it was all warranted - she was “that” dork. The one with the thick glasses and braces impossible to ignore. She sat there, an awkward mess, trying to forget about all that she is - and all that she ever will be. That's when she noticed it - a shadow, stretching across her page. First small, then too large to ignore. She glanced up with scrutiny, and noticed it was her classmate. From biology. The one that gave her daydreams a main character. The one that made those long bio lessons not so boring. But of course, she never talked to them. Until now.

“Heyy Zoey! Studying again?” they chirped, with effortless confidence.

Her throat closed up.  “Heh… yeah.” she said, trying not to stare at them for too long.

They fiddled with the strap of their bag, half slung over her shoulder like all the cool kids did. “Biology huh? I suck at that. Y'know, speaking of, i was wondering if you maybe wanted to help me study tonight… we could get a bite to eat as well?”

Her heart stuttered. “So.. like.. a date?”

They chuckled playfully.  “Haha yeah, if you wanna call it that!”

Something inside Zoey lit up. Something she hadn't felt for years. Like a breath that had been trapped was finally expelled from her chest. Before thinking, she sprung up and wrapped her arms around them. “Omg really?! Yayyy!!” she practically squealed, making them wince.

Being awkwardly hugged, they just giggled and let it happen.

“Seeya there!” they said, walking back to the group they had been previously sitting with.

Zoey sat back down, staring at the floor to hide her lingering smile, a blush filling her face that she was too self conscious to show to the world. The shock of what just happened stuck with her for a few moments, before shaking it off and returning to reality. But as the group settled, a snicker started to spread. A snicker that grew more and more fervid. Quiet at first, then louder. Then unmistakably about her.

Zoey froze. The warmth that filled her, inside and out, had faded, replaced by a growing dread. “Why are they laughing? Its just a date? I don't ge-“

Then she saw it. The way one of them mimicked her jump. Another pretended to hug the air. Another wiped fake tears of joy. It hit her so hard her vision began to blur. First with anxiety, then with the one thing that would hide whatever torment she was facing today. The one thing that everybody could see - the elixir of the weak. Her throat closed, clutching her chest as she tried to steady her breath. Hands shaking, she frantically stuffed binders and pages into her bag, heedless to the tears and creases forming on her once pristine notes. She could only manage a half hearted zip before rushing out of the cafeteria; head down, letting her hair drape across her face to mask the running tears. Away. Away from the people that hurt her. Thats all she had done her whole life, but this time felt different. So much more personal than the snarky “four eyes” or “loser” comments she heard every day.

A joke.

A sick mockery designed to break every fiber of her.

Of course. Of course it was.

The halls blurred. People grunted as she shoved past with one hand, the other wiping tears. Their comments underwater, muffled as the pressure built in her ears. She burst into the bathroom, door echoing as it trailed her in and slammed shut. She stumbled to the last stall - her stall - and locked it. Her back slid down the door until she met the cold, hard tiling, grounding her in a way that only she understood. Her vision flickered as the stingy fluorescent lights followed suit, and in that moment she realised that this is her home. The only place she feels remotely safe.

She curled her legs up, pressing her forehead to her knees as they took on the job of swallowing the opaque black liquid flowing down her calves. She watched as the thick black lines grew more and more, painting a sorrowful picture on the canvas of her frame. Drip, drip, every motion of that embarrassing contrast staining her skin, like evidence of how stupid she had been. The mascara applied this morning was in a vain effort to get someone to like her. “maybe ill finally make a friend today” she replayed in her mind every morning, only for it to be drowned out by the spying eyes and murmurs between glances.

Her thoughts got the better of her as everything she had been holding down finally cracked open. The sob hit first. Sharp, involuntary, like her body had decided for her. Quiet, then transforming into something greater. Each sob more painful than the last. Her breaths came in jagged bursts she couldn't control, each one scraping at her throat.

By now, she was a mess.
“Why” she let out, a whispered plea she knew nobody was answering. “Why me?” louder this time, more desperate. Another question she wasn’t sure was for them or herself.

“Why are they so mean to me?” she cried in a half sob. Each word fighting past the lump in her throat, a brief pause between each to gasp, to choke - to weep.
Her voice cracked as she gave up on speaking. The tightness in her chest settled into a familiar ache, leaving her back to the anxious wreck she was before. The tears slowed. The mess on her legs dried into streaks. She didn't know what was worse - the humiliation, or the sickening familiarity of it all.

Because this wasn't new. Just another entry in a list of moments shed tried so hard to forget. Another reminder that hope only existed for her so that it could be crushed, again and again.

Alone on the freezing floor, she let herself break into a million pieces - in a way that only she could see.
Because there was no one coming for her.
There never was.

Chapter Text

She couldn’t stop rubbing her eyes after yesterday, struggling to keep them open. She replayed each moment in her mind over and over, so maybe it wouldn’t sting so bad. Maybe she could finally learn not to keep making the same mistakes.

She was done trusting people – letting them in, just for it to be shattered. Again and again.

Stepping through the gates, the familiar rowdiness overloaded her senses. Conversations, loud yells, throwing of footballs – wincing at every sudden movement.

That’s why her stall was so special. Away from everything. A place that makes the tension somewhat more bearable. Comfort hugging her like a soft blanket.

Walking into school, the feeling gnawed at her. Like wandering through a maze of mirrors, if the reflections were her worst nightmares – humiliation, betrayal, shame.

The story had spread like wildfire, and new names had been created overnight. Murmurs filled the halls:

“Don’t go near her, she might jump up and hug you again” one boy said to his friend

“Haha yeah, she’s such a loser” another replied, but Zoey could hear it all. She just braced her ears for the next insult she always knew was coming.

“THUD”

Her books were strewn across the floor – and Zoey went down with them.

A sharp pain circled her head. Cherry red marks formed on her face from people walking over her. The sting on her palms surged through her body as she tried to get up, but she couldn’t.

Too many people were yelling and running amok that nobody noticed Zoey, so they pushed right past her. Nobody stopped to help her up, nobody even noticed that she was on the floor.

But you did.

You noticed.

First, you helped her up. You grabbed both of her hands and gently lifted her up. You dusted her off, fixing up her Derpy hoodie in the process.

“Zoey, are you okay?” you asked lightly.

“Y—Yeah. I’m fine. Thanks” she mumbled, head down to hide the bruises on her face.

You placed your forefinger on her chin, slowly lifting her head up.

“You don’t look fine.”

“I—I… Its ok. Its nothing” she replied, cheeks red.

She pressed her hands to her face, wishing the crowd would be gone, praying nobody noticed.

“No. Come on, lets get you all fixed up.” you say with a whole heart.

You grab her books and accompany her to the nurse’s office, offering a protective hand. Her stomach fluttered strangely, hands trembling as your fingers interlace with hers.

Wait, are they actually being nice to me?  Zoey wonders, before shoving down the notion that she would ever receive kindness. A tiny spark of hope flickered, buried beneath a mountain of doubt.

The fresh morning sun hits, casting a golden haze on the two of you. An innocent light that all but screams “This is new. This is safe.”

Before long, they reach the destination. There wasn’t much talking, but physicality suddenly didn’t seem so daunting,

You open the door for her, motioning her inside. She goes in first but instinctively stands behind you when you talk, twiddling her fingers and staring at the floor.

“This beautiful girl here has some bruises on her face.” you say, stepping to the side and revealing her.

Wait, did he just say… beautiful? Zoey snaps her head to look at you, but you continue talking like nothing even happened.

“We would love if you can make her pretty again” you add, with noticeably more flirtation.

“Oh, you two are trouble—c’mere, let me check her out.” she replies while poking and prodding her marks.

“I uhhh… I kinda got knocked over and stepped on. Its nothing really.” Zoey replies, face flush in a pink hue, as she lets out a small chuckle.

“No worries dear, come and let’s get you sorted.” says the receptionist lightly.

She and Zoey go to the nurse, leaving you to wait for her outside.

20 minutes pass, and Zoey steps out, multiple stitches now acquired.

“Hey Zoey! All good to go?” you beam.

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” she says, slowly becoming more comfortable talking to you.

“Geez, 5 stitches and its only first period? Keep this up and you’ll be dead by the end of the day!” you say, trying to lighten the mood.

You catch a suppressed smile from the girl, telling you that you’re getting somewhere.

“Hahaha, yeah. Let’s hope not.” she chuckled, a tight knot being relieved in her shoulders

“Well, I’ve gotta run to class. Meet me here at break, okay? It was lovely meeting you” you say, handing over her books.

“My name is— “you tell her your name, and gently shake her hand.

You leave before she has the chance to decline.

“U—Um.., Sure! Nice to meet you too.” she says, but you are already gone.

Walking to class, she clutches her books to her chest. But this time, it was something different. The steps to her class felt lighter, and a bubbly smile peeked through the usual pain.

The next lesson was purely Zoey admiring the scenery outside, oblivious to the teacher droning on about quadratic formulas and whatever she was learning about.

When the bell rung, her organs were doing somersaults, almost trying to rearrange themselves. Her bag was packed quickly as she rushed out of the classroom to that spot were you and her left off.

You sat there, waiting for her. Checking your watch, twiddling your thumbs, then – you saw her. You sprung up and gave her a hug.

To her though, this felt all too familiar – like what happened yesterday. She thought you were mocking her. Like the bullies did yesterday.

She froze. Maybe she might have reluctantly hugged back, but not anymore. You let go, to see her zoned out, arms stiff, processing.

Is this seriously happening again? No. Please no.

“Hey, Zoey, are you ok?” you asked, trying not to pry too much.

“I—uh—mm—give me a moment.” she managed, her tongue betraying her.

You racked your brain on if you maybe did something wrong. That’s when it hit you – yesterday. You completely forgot about it. How they degraded her. Discarded like trash. You can’t imagine what she must be going through right now. And to add this?

You rushed to apologize, not long after she had disappeared.

Damn it. Where did she go?

You waste no time searching for her. So many things are rushing through your mind right now. Your legs go numb from the thought setting it that you tried helping this girl after yesterday, just for you to bring back that same pain that crushed her.

You knew it was bad, but you don’t know just how bad it really broke her.

Come on. Think. If you were Zoey, where would you be?

That’s when it hits you – behind the gym. You had seen her there a few times by herself, sketching in her notepad or jamming out to most likely, K-Pop. It was one of the few times you had seen her in her natural element. Undisturbed, her true self.

Footsteps echo. The sound of desperation aerates through the school – you need to find her.

You reach the spot, and there she is. Sitting alone, legs curled up, head to her knees. You slowly approach her and take the spot in the worn patch of grass next to her.

“What are you doing here?” she looks up, mascara worn, flowing down her face.

“Zoey, I’m sorry. I saw what they did to you yesterday and want you to know that its not okay. I’m on your side, and I don’t want to hurt you.” you say, letting each word wrap around her like a blanket.

These words hit deep. Something inside her sparks, like nothing she’s ever felt before.

“We don’t have to talk, but I want to be by your side.”

“You… really mean that?” she says, sniffing her runny nose.

“I do, Zoey. I won’t let any of them hurt you again. You seem like such a cool girl. Maybe.. we can be friends?”

“Y—Yeah. That’s ok I guess.” she says, hiding a storm of different emotions. You light up and put a comforting arm around her shoulder.

She has never felt like this before. She has had friends in the past.

Why does this feel so different?

“May I? you ask, putting a hand up to her cheeks.

“Yeah. Please.” she says, her body instantly settling.

You wipe the tears away and clean up some of her makeup streaks.

“So. Do you want to talk?” you ask, again not trying to pry.

“Can we just sit here? If that’s ok.”

“Of course. Zo.”

…Zo?

What had once been the harsh brick wall propping her up had changed to your shoulder, as she slouches down and rests her head in the crook of your neck. Her legs stretch  out, arms curling into herself.

You move your hand to rest on her side, as you both enjoy the tranquillity of each other; Zoey definitely is, as you hear a faint snoring start to ruminate.

You have an idea. You pull your phone, careful not to jolt her, and snap a selfie of her sleeping on you. You have a feeling this is a moment you are going to cherish for a while.

The bell for the end of break sounds, startling the both of you. A pile of drool had formed on your t-shirt, but you don’t mind. You are just happy that you both lay together. Together.

“Wha—did I go to sleep? Oh my god, I’m so—so—sorry!”

“No don’t worry! I didn’t mind at all :)” you say, voice steady, calming.

“Oh—okay, thank youuu” that pink hue swelled up again, even more fervent than the last.

“We should probably get to class now.” you force yourself to say, reluctant to get up.

“Hah, yeah…” the girl replies, she too reluctant.

“I had lots of fun hanging with you, Zoey… can we do it again?”

“I—I would love that.”  

“I’ll see you tomorrow” you wave at her, a big grin from ear to ear.

“Bye!”

You both go to your last periods, both on each other’s minds. She doesn’t quite understand it, but you take such an interest in her.

Why?

Upon arriving home, the routine is broken. Her bag gets tossed in the corner of her room and she jumps on her bed. She starts ranting on to her many stuffed animals about the crazy day she just had. Was she dreaming? She honestly didn’t know but just wanted to enjoy it.

She opened her journal as she sat at her desk, kicking her feet like a little girl. She picks up her favourite pink pen, and starts writing:

Dear Diary,

I made a friend today.