Chapter Text
Victor felt like something inside him was shaking as he paced his room in Shadyside, his hands in fists at his side, his breathing hard. His skin was crawling and his brain felt like it was itching and that fire burning near his heart was back and going so strongly that it felt like he could barely breathe. That tug he felt to Nova was pinging incessantly, each twinge feeling like a hook in his ribs pulling at him.
It was so much worse than it had been at camp, or when he'd had to separate from her to steal the Dark Stone. He had hoped that the fact that there was no war looming, no tensions and danger to her among her own people, no risk of starvation, it might make all this easier to bear. But it wasn't.
He might be resisting just a little better this time around…kind of.
He'd had to stop himself from running out of the house only once...and stop himself from trying to fly away to her three other times after that...but the trick was NOT to let his mind wander to if Nova was ok or if she was in pain.
He winced, because now he was thinking about it. HE could endure it, he could stand there all night if he HAD to. He wouldn't be happy about it, it would hurt, it would leave him an anxious mess, he knew that. But he’d do it, he’d force himself to. He’d pace and pace and pace and do anything, sketch, exercise, read all those old dusty books his Aunt would undoubtedly try to teach him from again soon. IF it meant Nova would be ok. He’d stay away if it meant she was safe and ok…
And that was the problem.
Because she WASN’T ok.
He KNEW that.
What he’d felt at camp, what SHE had expressed feeling at camp, that one night they tried to stay apart, he had gotten the sneaking suspicion, before Nova distracted him, that it was a reaction to each other.
Not so much being apart…they could separate at camp if they had to do something quickly, knowing they’d be going back to each other soon.
It was the NOT knowing that killed him.
It was not having her in his sight and being able to SEE for himself that she was ok, that she was safe. It was the fact that literally anything could happen to her and he'd have NO idea that tore him apart and made the itching in his mind and the burning in his heart that much worse. She was everything to him, and the thought that something could happen to her, or that she was in pain and he was so far away...
That night at camp, Nova had been hurting, she’d been struggling, and he’d somehow felt that she wasn’t ok, which made him anxious. And maybe it was like a feedback loop, maybe Nova had felt him being anxious which made HER more upset and worried and it just looped over and over until they could see each other again and reassure themselves that they were both alright.
The fact that they hadn't been alright till they'd been in each other's arms spoke volumes to him as well.
Back then, he’d thought it was because of the tension between their people. Not knowing how Ray would react, if he’d do or say something to hurt Nova in ANY way because of how close she was to HIM. Her not knowing if Vera would do the same, or any of the other Vampires because she knew how they treated him at that point. It was that fear that something would happen, that they weren’t ok.
This wasn't like at camp, because back then it was just a fear, a wonder, a thought that she might not be ok.
This time, he KNEW she wasn't.
Right now…right now all he could see were the tears in her eyes when they parted at the Orchard, the pain on her face, the tremble in her smile, the way she’d clutched so tightly to his hand, how badly she hadn't wanted to let go of him. He’d been able to hear her sniffle and cry as they rounded the bends and lost sight of each other.
It broke his heart.
So now he KNEW she was hurting and he was here and she was there and she was in pain and he felt so powerless to stop it! If he was just with her, he knew he could help, he knew it wouldn't hurt as much, he knew he could make her smile and laugh and wipe the tears from her cheeks and kiss her until she was breathless and beaming and laughing and happy…
He shook his head, looking at the balcony of his room, something all homes in Shadyside had, and moved over to it, striding out and looking up at the moon. It was full and red, and reminded him so much of Nova’s fire balls…
Nova.
He closed his eyes tightly shut, before slamming a fist on the railing of his balcony, his other hand coming to his chest. It was worse to KNOW she was hurting, to know him being where he was, apart from her, so far away from her, was causing it. It was worse to know than to fear she wasn’t ok. Fear could be wrong. He KNEW now.
She was in Sunnyside, upset, hurting, needing him and…
His eyes snapped open.
“Screw it,” he muttered, before taking off into the sky, unable to stop himself this time and cursing himself for even having tried to keep away in the first place.
***
Nova barely held in a whimper as she rolled over in her bed again, alternatively getting tangled in the sheets, too cold, and kicking them off because it wasn’t RIGHT. She had Victor’s hoodie folded beside her pillow, was clutching one of the sleeves to her as she tried to sleep, unable to bear wearing it to sleep because…it was almost worse. To have his scent so strong in her nose while she was wearing it but have NOTHING else of him. She didn’t have his arms around her or his breathing on her cheek and neck or his heart beating in her ear. She didn’t feel safe or warm or happy or content, it just…it was so WRONG. But she couldn't let go of the sleeve either, because the scent was all she had left of him...
She gasped, rolling onto her back and closing her eyes, pressing the heels of her hands into them to try and make it less bright.
In just days she’d gotten so used to sleeping in the dark of night, to this hour being for darkness, for Victor.
She still felt that cold-burning under her skin, she still felt like she was going to scream, she still felt like nothing was right. Her room was too bright, her sheets were too chafing, the world was too quiet, she wasn't warm enough, safe enough, content enough, there was no breathing, no heartbeat, no best pillow she'd ever had in her life to lull her to sleep. And that tug in her gut was pulling tight towards Shadyside, she knew, and she wanted to follow it, so badly.
It wasn't even because of the pain of it.
Now that she knew what to expect, she felt like she could manage that part better. It had just snuck up on her so suddenly at camp that she hadn’t known what to do or what caused it or why. Now she knew it was Victor, it was being away from him.
More than that, she knew it was NOT seeing him, having him there with her.
It was…it was honestly so much worse than at camp because it wasn’t the TUG that was hurting. It was her own mind, her own heart.
Being there in Sunnyside…without him…he wasn’t THERE.
She couldn’t see him, feel him, hear him, and her mind just kept playing the cruelest tricks on her, whispering to her that it was because she’d dreamed the med-cabin.
She turned to groan into her pillow, wanting to scream at the horrific thought.
But that was where her mind constantly went on a loop, over and over and over, from the moment she set foot back in Sunnyside, where all the Daywalkers were going about their business like nothing had happened, like nothing had changed, like camp never occurred, like her entire world hadn't been rearranged.
It made the voices taunting her so much worse. Victor was at her side, always, all that time at camp and now he wasn’t and it HAD to be because he wasn’t there anymore, he wasn’t alive, he’d actually died saving her from the tower. She’d just dreamed the med-cabin, dreamed he’d survived, dreamed everything was fine because she couldn’t handle his loss.
Every second she didn’t see him, her mind just kept spinning those thoughts: he was gone, he’d died, she was alone…
When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she threw the covers aside and practically ran to her balcony, shoving the doors open and hurrying to the railing, bracing her hands on it. She hunched slightly, her eyes scrunched closed as she took in gasping lung-fulls of air, trying so hard to force the thought away.
The tug was proof, she tried to remind herself, the tug was proof he was alive. It wouldn’t pull if there wasn’t something to pull to, right?
She hoped the sun would warm her, calm her, shake her awake and out of her thoughts, the way it usually did, but it didn't work. Right now, she just felt like it was adding to the burning under her skin.
She gripped the railing tighter, willing it to pass, willing everything to calm.
She kept trying to breathe, to count, to do anything to distract herself from that cold pit inside her that burned more and more with each passing minute she was away from Victor.
She took another deep breath…and another…and…slowly, she felt like something was easing. Her heart began to slow, her breathing calmed, the burning eased, as the minutes ticked by. She didn’t know how long she stood there, just trying to keep breathing, as the trembling started to still. It had to be at least a half hour.
She straightened slightly a moment later as she felt a calm warmth fill her instead of that horrible cold emptiness and took a deep, relaxed breath. She began to smile…just as a pair of arms wound around her waist from behind and tugged her back against a firm, cool, chest.
Victor.
She didn’t even need to turn to know it was him, instead resting back against him more, letting him support her, winding her own arms over his as if to make sure he wouldn’t release her any time soon.
“Boo,” he murmured in her ear.
She let out a little wet laugh, feeling a prickle of tears behind her eyelids, just…feeling so grateful he was there, he was with her.
“You’re here,” she replied, letting out the first deep breath she’d been able to take since leaving camp.
“Mhmm,” he hummed, the sensation reverberating through her, making her shiver even in the heat of Sunnyside’s sun.
“You shouldn’t be,” she whispered, feeling drowsy now that she was so content, relaxing so quickly in his arms from the tension that had filled her that she felt almost lightheaded, just like at camp that one night when they tried to stay apart, “If my father catches you, he’ll declare a new war just because there’s a boy in my room.”
She could feel his smile against her cheek.
“…but?” he led, because he could almost taste it in her words.
“But I don’t want to let you go.”
“Me either,” he pressed a kiss to her cheek, grinning when he saw the easy smile bloom across her face, her eyes were still closed, she looked so beautiful, “And…not technically in your room,” he argued with a chuckle, “We’re standing on your balcony…anyone could see us.”
“Let them,” she snuggled into him further.
He tightened his arms around her, his heart racing at the content sigh she let out at the move, his smile turning into more of a smirk, “Well, I mean…they could tell your dad,” he continued to tease, “Trigger that war… I should probably go…”
“No,” she tightened her hold on his arms, frowning now, a little scrunch in the furrow of her brow that made him want to press a kiss to it, “Not yet.”
“I’m fine like this for forever,” he whispered to her, those familiar words he always meant, starting to sway slightly with her in his arms, his eyes on her like he couldn’t look at anything else.
Why would he?
He was in ANOTHER new place, a new part of the world he’d never seen before, a VAMPIRE in SUNNYSIDE, for the first time in…centuries…and all he cared about gazing upon was her. Of course he would, there was nothing more beautiful to him than her.
If he was being honest, he’d been so laser focused on finding her that he’d barely noticed anything else in Sunnyside except to make sure he wasn’t about to fly right into a building. He'd tried to fly as high as he could just in case, and also to try and make sure he'd be as small and unnoticeable as he could be to any Daywalkers on the ground and awake. It was...honestly a little concerning just how easy it was for him to get to her, a Vampire, in Sunnyside, and no other Daywalker had any idea he was there. No alarms, no patrols, no attacks, no nothing.
For such a militant people, he'd have thought their security would be much better than that.
But, then again, he doubted they thought a single Vampire would risk venturing across the border, or that they could fly as high as he had. They were probably on the alert and had plans for a mass invasion or attack, they wouldn't be looking for one tiny blip, one small fleck in the sky.
Nova seemed to read his mind, turning in his arms to wind hers around his neck, looking at him as she asked, “How did you find my house?”
He wasn’t sure how to explain it.
He’d flown out of his room in Shadyside before he even realized he’d done it, heading towards the border, following the pull he felt towards her to guide him in the right direction. It had been night outside the village, which he expected as he’d lasted till about midnight before he couldn’t bear it any longer, not wanting the way they parted to be their last memory of each other for a while.
The border crossing into Sunnyside, however, had been jarring. He hadn’t known when it would occur and so he’d nearly blinded himself at the change from darkness to sunlight. Luckily there had been no large buildings in his direct line until he could blink away the spots and put one of his hands over his eyes to shade them from the sun.
All he’d done then was just…follow that pull, like he had in the woods when he "hunted" her, like he had an internal compass always pointing him to her, like she was his own personal North Star. He’d vaguely thought, when he realized how truly bright the village was, that he probably should invest in some very light blue clothing if he ever tried flying to her again…right now it was “night” for everyone, the Daywalkers should be asleep, but if he came during the “day” and anyone looked up, they’d surely see a black and red streak in the air more than a blur of blue. He couldn’t even be sure there were no "night owls" out to see him now but he was willing to take the risk.
Eventually a house had come into view, white with sharp crisp edges and gleaming tall windows. But his gaze honed in on one window to the right, with a small balcony beside it, because Nova had been standing on it, with her eyes closed, her face scrunched, her grip on the railing was white knuckled and he could tell she had been struggling just as much as he had.
He’d wanted to surprise her so badly, because she looked so lost in thought, that he’d set himself down more gently and silently than he ever had in the past, smiling when she only seemed to notice him at the last possible second just before his arms wound around her.
Her smile...when she realized it was him, it set his heart racing to see how she eased against him, how instant her smile was.
He shrugged, trying to focus on her question, “I told you in the woods, I could find you anywhere.”
He didn’t expect her to smile, but the one that grew across her face was one of the most beautiful he’d ever seen.
Most Daywalkers would have probably been terrified at the prospect of a Vampire basically saying they could hunt them down anywhere they tried to hide…but Nova was looking at him like it was more a reassurance than any kind of threat, like it was a promise. It was one he knew he could keep, no matter how far away they were, he’d find her if she needed him, always.
He liked to think she could find him, too. Maybe not as fast, as she couldn’t fly, but she’d find him, not that he’d ever be so far from her that she’d have to search.
He leaned forward, resting his forehead to hers for a moment before shifting so his temple was to hers, his lips by her ears, “I can’t stay away from you,” he murmured in her ear, making her shiver.
Nova felt like she was going to burst into pieces like a firework at his words. No one had ever desired her the way Victor did, wanted to be around her so much that they couldn’t stand being away from her. Oh there were people who flocked to her, because of who her dad was, who they thought she would be. But no one ever did just because of her, who she was at heart, Nova. Not like Victor.
And to hear him say he couldn’t stay away…it gave her a rush of power unlike anything she’d ever felt before. It was better than any fireball she’d ever created. Better than any victory she'd achieved. She had helped end the war between their people, but holding Victor's heart was the greatest prize she could ever have won.
She knew, though, that she was just as weak for him.
Where he was devoted and adoring, providing her with the emotional and soft needs her life in Sunnyside failed to give. She knew she provided him with the desire and passion he needed too, making up for the way his people discarded him and made him feel worthless.
They healed something deep inside the other, making their bond all the stronger for it.
“Hmmm,” she hummed, “I can tell. 5 hours, you must have been going crazy.”
The irony of trying to use THAT to tease HIM was not lost on her.
Because she knew she was going just as crazy, if not more.
She’d been an inch away from trying to break into her father’s office and search for the maps of the tunnel systems so she could find her way through to the Orchard, to Shadyside. From there…well…he wasn’t the only one who felt a pull.
…maybe there might be a set of tunnels that went right to Shadyside? She’d have to check on that, stat.
Victor snorted near her ear, a soft sound, “I was going crazy the second I lost sight of you at the Old Orchard.”
There was no shame in his voice, no mocking, just honest truth.
She’d been the same.
Only Ray being there, eyes on her, kept it all in. She was somewhat sure there had been a few other Daywalkers that joined them, but she couldn’t for the life of her say who they were, she’d been so locked in her own head.
As Victor would express himself to no one’s notice, she would hold hers in to not let it be seen.
Victor pulled away just slightly and so she looked up at him, smiling softly when he touched her cheek, brushing away a tear that had fallen in her relief.
How foolish had she been to think that the one he’d brushed off in the Orchard would be the last time someone would comfort her for a while? Of course her Vampire Boy would find a way to her, of course she’d find her way back to him, too.
What they had was far stronger than any distance or obstacle in their way.
They would always find each other, they would never let the other be in so much pain as they had in parting in the Orchard.
She had a thought that, maybe, if they’d had more time, more preparation, more ways to plan to meet, to check on each other…maybe they’d handle it better. It was the way they parted, the way it had been forced on them, the knowing that it was hurting the other person. If they'd just had more time instead of being told that everyone had to head back to their villages with such little warning. Now they had that time, they had ways, they could part on THEIR terms and not anyone else’s, THEIR choice. Maybe it would be better, maybe it wouldn't, but now they had time and freedom to see.
She reached up and pressed his hand to her cheek for a moment, turning her head to press a kiss to his palm, before she took his hand, enjoying the way the breath left him at the move, to step back into her room, tugging him in with her.
It wasn’t till he shut the balcony door behind him that she realized, with a flush...she’d just pulled a boy into her bedroom.
Oddly, she found herself curious for what he’d think of it. Daywalkers were largely minimalist with their homes, tidy, not very personalized. She was starting to realize she, and many other Daywalkers, had made being part of the guard, being soldiers, more their personality than they should have.
She could already imagine things to add to the room so it would reflect HER.
It was like Victor read her mind as he looked around and murmured, “It doesn’t feel like you.”
It was sparse.
There was a desk with a chair, no lamp to be seen as it was always daylight there. There was a door in the back, likely to a closet. A dresser set up to the side, next to the desk. And there was a bed, or what he assumed was a Daywalker version of a bed. It was…very much unlike the Vampire equivalent. It looked like a mattress that was set up on a small podium or base, with no walls around it. How Daywalkers didn’t fall off of them, he had no idea…maybe there were edges or a rim around it he couldn’t see over the blankets? There was a small table, like an end table, near the pillows, with a small alarm clock on it.
There was another door, probably one that led to a hallway, and…that was about it.
Everything was white walls, white floors and ceilings, with gold trim. All the furniture was white as well, though there were some pops of red here and there. Pillows, blankets, the chair at the desk, were all red. The doors as well were colored, one was red, the other gold.
“It’s not warm and bright enough,” he finished his assessment.
There were no pictures or personal belongings he could see, no bookshelf with knickknacks, nothing that would tell him this was NOVA’s room and not just some random Daywalker's.
A piece of his heart fractured to think she’d grown up in this room and this was all she’d had, likely all she’d been allowed to let herself have. His mind was already racing with sketches and paintings he could make her to hang on the walls and little things in Shadyside he thought she might like.
“We’re not encouraged to have many things in our rooms until we can control our Light Stones,” she explained, understanding, “Everything in a Daywalker’s bedroom is fireproof because of that. But not everything sold in Sunnyside or in the house, in general, is fireproof. When we’re little, sometimes we start small fires if we get too upset, before we learn to regulate our emotions more, or sometimes in our sleep if we have a nightmare.”
Because not every material out there was fireproof and not every chemical that could make it so would react well with certain materials, it was best to keep things limited in the bedrooms. Paints, for one, some fabric, toys, decorations, if it could melt in a fire it wasn’t safe either.
Victor gave her a look that said he was seeing into her soul, seeing something in her past that was breaking his heart, “How long have you been able to control your Light Stone?”
She gave him a sad smile, “At least 6 years now.”
He nodded, “Challenge accepted,” he told her, offering her a smile, he had 6 years of personal touches to help her make up for.
Nova couldn’t help but laugh because…he was talking about getting her more things to put in her bedroom and the bare, emptiness of it right now, the stark white walls, only made it even more obvious how out of place HE was in it all, with his dark red shirt and black trunks and…he was in his pajamas, she realized belatedly…standing in her bedroom…like he’d flown there without a second thought. He wasn’t even wearing any socks or shoes!
“There’s a boy in my bedroom,” she giggled to herself because…part of her never thought anything like this would ever happen or be a reality to her.
Before camp, she would have never imagined any boy even standing in her room. Except maybe Ray when he’d stop by to work on a school project or walk to training with her and poke his head in to comment on how she would make them late (she never did, it was always that he’d get caught up talking to her dad about something and they’d both be late because of it).
And there was Victor, not only a boy, but a Vampire, standing in her bedroom, in his pajamas.
Victor looked back over to her, a teasing glint in his eyes, “I can think of somewhere much better to be.”
Nova’s breath caught in her throat, her mind going to only one thing…something that made the bedroom not just a room…because it was that or her desk chair and…
Victor just stepped forward, putting his arms around her again, smiling when she instantly returned the favor and looped her arms around him, “There it is,” he murmured, “No place I’d rather be.”
Nova all but melted in his hold.
So many boys in Sunnyside, and she suspected Shadyside too, would have teased her or made some crude remark about the bed being the better place to be. But Victor wasn’t concerned with that, just being in her arms was enough for him. He’d never ask for more than what she was comfortable with. In some ways, he’d even stop her being too comfortable with certain things, to keep her safe. He just knew her.
Her safety and comfort and happiness were always so obviously the most important things to him.
She stepped closer, resting her head on his chest again, snuggling closer, as he just held her.
…and then she yawned.
…and then had to laugh when HE yawned the second she stopped.
They both ended up laughing at that.
“I should head back,” he gave her a sad smile, “I just…I didn’t want the way we parted at the Orchard to be it. I couldn’t stand seeing you in tears.”
She gave him a smile in return, “Don’t think I didn’t see how it tore you up either,” she warned him.
THAT had been another part eating at her, to know that he was hurting in how they had to separate, too. That he was in Shadyside, in pain, alone, with probably no one even noticing he was hurting…
“Leaving you will always tear me up,” he warned her, “I think…I think we just need to have a better way to do it.”
Nova bit her lip, “I…it’s just…maybe…”
He tilted his head, “What is it?” he took both her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over her knuckles in a soothing way.
“If you leave now…it won’t be any better,” she told him, her heart already squeezing at just the thought of parting with him so soon after having him back in her arms, “I just…seeing you for a few minutes? It’s not enough.”
She didn’t know how to explain it.
But he seemed to hear her loud and clear, even without saying more, “What if I stay until you fall asleep?” he offered.
Her heart both swelled and broke at that, at him putting her first again. Imagining him staying till SHE was comforted and peaceful and asleep and then having to fly back to Shadyside, and him still being awake without her…him in pain…
“What if you just…stay?” she suggested, holding her breath for his answer.
Victor stared at her, blinking rapidly in that manner that made her smile to see, like he was trying to process it all as fast as he could, “I…um…”
“My dad wakes up at 5, on the dot, every day,” she hurried to explain, “As long as you can leave before then, he’d never know. And…and then you won’t have to be alone, and…and neither will I and…and we…we can sleep without worrying and…”
Victor leaned forward and kissed her to stop her rambling, “You never have to twist my arm to spend MORE time with you.”
Nova watched as he moved to sit at her desk chair, turning it so the back was facing the bed, his legs on either side with his arms crossed over the back. She frowned, “You won’t be able to sleep like that.”
“I can use the desk,” he shrugged, “I fall asleep sketching at my desk all the time…” he trailed off, seeing her blushing a little, fidgeting slightly, and a thought struck him, “Unless…you’d…rather me sleep somewhere else?”
“I…might,” she offered.
He got up off the chair and walked over to her, “The floor could be comfy if you let me borrow one of your blankets…”
She gave him a look, seeing the smile on his face, knowing he was teasing her now, “I’m a textbook blanket hog,” she warned him, more an excuse for why the floor was also not an option, limiting the options he did have.
He chuckled, “So you’re saying you won’t ever share your blankets? Not even with me?” he gave her a playful pout.
She shoved his arm, laughing, more at ease now, taking a moment to bask in just how…easy…it was with him, how he made her feel so comfortable and safe with just a smile and a joke.
So she turned and got onto the bed, moving under the covers and looking at him, “I’ll share on one condition.”
He moved to kneel at the bedside, crossing his arms on the edge of it and smiling at her, “Name it.”
She didn’t say anything, just shifted more to the side and patted the blanket beside her.
He wanted to make a joke about it, but words failed him as he looked at her expression. She wasn’t embarrassed or flushed or hesitating anymore, wasn’t nervous. Just looked…at peace. Like it wasn’t a huge deal, what she was offering, what she wanted, like it was just…normal.
“Like in the med-cabin,” she said quietly, as if speaking too loudly would make him say no, “Or our naps under the trees…”
He smiled softly at her, seeing her meaning. It was a bed, just a bed, just a place to rest. Nothing but rest was going to happen there, just like nothing but rest happened at camp either. It was just…a more comfortable place than the cot in the med-cabin or the roots of the trees.
So he nodded, pulling himself up more and swinging his leg onto it, lying down next to her, but on top of the blanket. He chuckled at the little grumble she made at the move, tugging her arms out from under the blanket and shimmying so she could wind an arm around him, her head on his shoulder, ear over his heart.
“Maybe next time,” he told her, the words slipping out before he could stop them.
He could almost feel her smile against his chest through the thin fabric of his t-shirt, which both calmed his heart and sent it racing, moving his arms around her too.
“There’ll be a next time?” she asked quietly.
He smiled in return, “Like I said…I can’t seem to stay away from you.”
“I don’t want you to stay away."
“One day, we won’t have to.”
“When?” she asked after a moment.
“When,” he stated firmly.
The soft exhale she made, like a little happy breath through her nose, fully calmed him now, the two of them settling down to sleep, now more reassured that they were NOT going to be apart for long, not at all.
Nova nuzzled her face a little closer, rubbing against his shirt like a cat, making him laugh, before she settled, her breathing slowing.
Victor moved a hand, just running it down the length of her hair for a moment, before turning his head to press a kiss to her forehead, closing his eyes as well.
He knew he likely wouldn’t sleep fully, not completely. While Nova had said that her father woke at 5 sharp…there was no guarantee he wouldn’t wake in the middle of the night or have some other reason to just peek in and check on his daughter. He wanted to be ready and alert if there were any odd sounds around the quiet house. And the light as well, Vampires slept best in complete darkness, but he didn’t think that would be much of an issue.
Having Nova in his arms more than made up for that.
With a smile on his face he let himself relax and drift off, finally reaching that slumber that had eluded him all night.