Work Text:
Letter to No One
(This letter we believe was one of the first ones written, if not the very first one. It's hard to tell, but the fact that this is one of the very few ones that was actually inside an envelope, as if at some point the Second Fallen actually intended to send it, makes that a strong possibility. There is even an address, "to the garden." Pressumably the Garden of Eden. A few stains still reek of alcohol, blurring some lines and words. As we all know, angels normally can't get drunk the same way humans do. The way the writing becomes almost ininteligible at some parts, however, could imply that the Second Fallen had already reached that point.)
You pathetic, worthless, little piece of damned trash.
What the hell is that I am hearing that there is a queen of Hell with you?
WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT?
Was it really that easy for you to forget that your entire body and soul and everything you are and will be already belongs to me? I never said I was going away with it! I was never given the chance! But apparently that doesn't matter to you anymore, so I guess the joke is on me! You have to be so comfortable down there doing with her all the things she always complained her husband never did.
Which reminds me, is she even divorced? Was that actually a thing? Yes, yes, I know Adam remarried, but when did that happened? I know you were already with her even on the garden, didn't you, you rat? It wasn't enough for you to destroy our relationship, you also had to go and ruin another. And for good measure, you also destroyed whatever is that Adam had with Eve. Is your thirst for destruction ever going to be satiated? Is ever going to be enough for you?
You little cretin. You must be so cozy down there, all warm and toasty, with a beatiful partner who will give you all the company and love you want. How fucking lucky, aren't you. Now that I can't reach you at all, you go now to feel so brave as to taint what belongs to me. How dare you, honestly. Everyone here was right about you: your hubris could have never be contained, not even by Heaven itself. I hate...
Does she cook for you? Does she slaughter the animals with her own hands and makes sure they don't bleed before reaching your plate because seeing their blood make you sad? Does she give you the feathers of the ducks you weren't able to visit that day? Would she even recognize the taste of your blood?
Talk about a god damned waste of my precious time. Why the hell did I even bothered to do any of that? I should grab a huge sponge, pour some kind of acid into it and purge you out of my head. That is what you deserve. What is the point of retaining any of these memories if you were the one to abandon them first? I bet it was so easy. New realm, an entire kingdome for you to rule over as you see fit, with new subjects coming in every day. Why would you ever feel the need to think about what you they got left behind? There was never a ring for us. Never was a ceremony. There was never a title for the both of us to share. Not like you with her, oh you Supreme Ruler of Your Fucking Mistake, so it must have been ever so easy to reinvent yourself.
Even your new name is stupid. The fuck is a Lucifer? Light bringer? Nobody ever called you that. From where did you even get it? If you tell me that she gave it to you, along with your crown and her body, I may finally do it.
I am going to burn your robe. That one that you were working on repair on your own and never got around to do it because, as always, you kept forgetting for the sake of the next shiny thing that got in your way. I don't even know why I didn't do that already. It doesn't even smell like you anymore.
Not that I ever cared if it did.
And even if I did somehow, way, way in the past, that doesn't matter at all now, does it? I have a bunch of bottles here with me and they all would do wonders to extend fire in whichever surface I want to. I am not going to get burnt even if I torch this entire house down anyway. Nothing of you could ever hurt me.
I may just burn it for the fun of it anyway. Why not? I am a free man, my little ex of mine! Completely single! Apparently so, at least, not that anyone ever bothered to consult me about it!
To be honest, I never cared about you that much. You were annoying and stubborn and Father forbid you could ever take anything seriously in your life. The amount of times I would ask you to clean up something in our room and never did! Just because we lived in Heaven, you could have kept some order at least!
I should have never bothered to talk to you, when you came with your inane questions and your gifts and that silly idiotic smile of yours. I should have told you to go away and go bother someone else. Go annoy any of your brothers, away from me, so I could actually do what I was supposed to. So when you inevitably fuck up, I would just get to look from the grades with all other heavenly beings and say "how awful", "how could he" and nod along as your sentence was prclaimed for every living being to hear. I would have thought that was just, that I had no problem with it. You made that stupid fruit, you wanted so much more for humanity, and by doing so let evil to happen and bla bla bla, you know the drill, so clearly you deserved to be cast out!
Instead, I got grabbed myself, interrogated in front of everyone and left to rot for years. Because of you. I waited, like a fucking idiot, because of you, because some stupid part of me was convinced that it was all either some big mistake or you would come to tell me that it's fine, that we didn't need any of them, that we could go somewhere else. And you went and spit all over that to take a woman of your own.
You disgust me. I despise you. I loathe the mere thought of ever coming in contact with something as rotten as you. No, I couldn't have never cared for a being like that. Maybe you got hit on the head on your way down and are a completely different person now anyway. My husband is dead and you killed him, congratulations to me! You don't have any idea of the kind of beast you have unleashed, my ex friend!
Do you have any idea of how big Heaven is now? How many more angels were born after you were gone? All this time, I should have been tasting all of them! I could have so many angel necks, dear. So many you couldn't even reach the half of it even if you started counting until the end of existence itself. Pass them all through out my bed too, why not. It's not like I am sharing it with anyone anyway! I have no innocence left to keep thanks to you! There is no ring in this finger, so why should I ever live a single second like I have any strings on me. And they will be sweeter and better than you ever were.
The only reason I haven't done that is because I hate them already, don't get it twisted. They are also annoying, but a kind of annoying that is different from your annoying. I can't stand them. Not one of them spoke in my defense when I was grabbed by their chains. Even after my innocence was confirmed by the Speaker herself, I know is distrust which remain on them when they even remember I exist. I can hear it on the murmurs they think are too far away from me. Deer ears were better they gave any credit for.
They always did that, you know. That hasn't changed and I don't know if it ever will. But I guess you were a distraction from it. And now I don't have it.
It's really quiet in here.
A moment ago, Emily... who is a new born angel, after your time, dear, she was here and helped me chose some new wardrove to get out of my early retirement. I can't deal with robes anymore. I don't want them. They remind me of...
Her voice has been the only other one that has been here since the big remodelation of Heaven. I don't know why we have to have rooms so big now. There is so much space here. I guess for when any of us wants to fly around they are comfortable to do so, but if you don't like to use your wings, it's just more nothing with nothing to fill it with.
I never liked doing that, do you remember that? It feels so unsafe. There is no guarantee that the floor will be there to receive you once you go down, and the only way to find out is to descend. The air does not offer solid ground. Anything could happen in the air.
I feel like I have been flying for so long now. Someone took away my floor and my wings are so tired, love. I am so tired of smiling. Nothing is funny anymore, not for long.
Were you actually hit in the head when you fell? Did you really forget? If I stood right in front of you and shook you, screaming at your face, would you even know why? Am I a stranger to you now?
They say here that Hell is constantly burning. I don't know if I believe them. Neither of them has ever paid you a visit to confirm. All of humanity seems to thinks so at least. Is it weird if I tell you that sounds wonderful? You never had to be cold anymore. You always hated that. That is why you stole the blankets and I never said anything about it. I thought about how it would be to see it by myself. Would it burn me or just be a comfortable toast?
Beyond that, nobody knows anything about where you are. According to some humans, you are torturing them everyday. According to others, they are torturing themselves. I can't see you on that role, but maybe it's too late now. Maybe I don't know you anymore.
I imagine that maybe you faced the same thing Father did when he Created. An empty space that now was for you to fill in. For a while at least, your only company would be her. Another kinder, more tender being would be glad for that. At least you weren't completely alone down there.
But I am not kind, love, nor tender. I should have been the one with you. I should be the one ruling at your side. You were mine first, it was my right. If you had ever rejected me or expressed any desire to do so, I could let you go. You didn't so I am stuck here and I still don't understand why. It's not fair.
There was never anything fair about this. I can't even ask you any of this to know if you want to know about me.
And the funny thing is, love, a considerable part of me does not even care if you do. That is the whole truth. I don't care if you remember me or not. I don't care how you call yourself or what are you doing there. All I know, all I need to know, is that you were my husband and I never gave you permission to take a wife. I don't care how lonely you were. You think you were the only one?
When I go there, because trust me that I will, you can bet Father's name on it, you are going to have to kill me if you ever expect to run away from me. And your little fake queen? She better not get in my way or I won't hesitate to send an entire stampeede to flatten her against the ground. Infinite crows to pick at her eyes. I don't know if angels can truly harm a mortal soul, but I can always experiment and find out! Until she moves away and admits she was only saving the seat for me, keeping it warm on my absence. You and I have nothing if not time, darling, and you best believe you will remember me when I get my hands on you.
I will make sure that you never, ever, are capable of forgetting about me.
Idiot.