Chapter Text
"That was a great show!" Says Luke as the four of them walk to the pub, Sam, AJ, and Luke in the front, Tom walking slowly behind, in his own world at the moment, lost in thought. "Don't you think Tom? Tom?" He repeated as Tom doesn't respond, turning his head to look at the tall man walking behind him.
"Hmm?" A distracted reply as Tom looks over at Luke, eyes not entirely focused on him, not meeting the shorter ones gaze.
Luke repeats the question. "The show? It was good, wasn't it?"
Tom thinks for a second before replying with a nod. "Quite good. You were great, Luke." He manages a smile, trying to take the attention off of himself. Luke gives him a questioning look, slowing down a little as Sam and AJ lead the way, having their own conversation. He falls into step with Tom, looking up at him as they walk. Eventually, he looks ahead, hands stuffed in his pockets. Tom's already back to overthinking inside his mind.
"You alright there, Tom?" Luke asks, loud enough for only Tom to hear. Of course, he doesn't hear. He's distracted by his own mind, the mind that's making him insane, making his world constantly spin lately. "Tom, what's going on up there?"
Tom snaps back to life and looks down at him, before looking ahead at the ones in front of them. "I'm alright." He replies.
"You sure? You keep spacing out. You're kinda worrying me." Luke waits for a response. After a moment, when he doesn't answer, clearly trying to and struggling to find a way to reply, Luke brushes his arm against Toms. "It's fine. Talk when you want, not cause I want you to." He looks up and gives him a smile. Tom gives a small smile in return. The rest of the walk is quiet.
A few minutes later, they arrive at the pub. They all go in, sitting at a table. Sam, AJ, and Luke talking and drinking and laughing. Tom sitting silently, staring into his drink. Thinking. That's the only thing he feels like he's done for a long time now. Despite how he's in his own mind, he's already managed to get to his second drink, almost in need of a third. He's never the one to get too drunk, but he needs anything to distract himself.
Again, Luke is the one to notice Tom being out of it. He's sitting beside him and leans over a little to whisper to just him. "Almost to your third, huh? Since when did you drink so much?"
Tom looks at him for a second. "Just needin' to get my mind off things." He replies quietly. He doesn't look away from a moment, eyes locked on Luke's before he looks back into his drink. Luke stares at him for a second more before he turns back to the other two, reengaging in conversation.
After a bit, Tom's had a few drinks, not really thinking no more-which was his goal. He's leaning back in his chair, watching everyone talk and get more drunk. He's clearly the drunkest though. At least his mind is empty.
"Tom, how much have you had to drink? You're not talking like you usually do." Says AJ, looking across the table at Tom.
Tom focuses his attention on AJ and the other two on the table. "Hmm? I dunno. Not that much I think." His words are sliding a little. The three, especially Luke, can tell he's drunk. "I feel pretty fucking great though." He smiles and laughs softly.
"Alright, if you say so." Says Sam as he and AJ regain conversation. Luke has his eyes locked on Tom, him drinking the least so far.
"Tom?" Luke whispers, leaning close to him. "Maybe you should be done drinking tonight, 'k?"
Tom looks at him, eyes squinting. "Why the fuck do I have to stop? I feel fine. Fuck off." He tells him defenselessly.
This surprises Luke, making him lean back for a second before getting closer again. "I'm not trying to be rude. I just don't want you being all sick when you wake up tomorrow."
"I can do whatever I want, so fuck off!" His voice rises a bit. "I'm a grown adult and I can drink as much as I want to." He stands up, sliding his chair back. Sam and AJ, as well as a bit of others in the pub look at Tom. He immediately notices the eyes. The eyes staring at him, judging everything he does, everything he says. He starts to panic, looking around the large room, the lights giving him a headache, the staring.
He can't take it. He walks quickly away from the three, to the restroom. He shuts himself in, and slides to the floor, his back against the wall and his legs hugged to his chest. He can't believe he did that. He's drunk, he yelled at Luke. He was being stared at.
It takes a few minutes of sitting alone, thinking-always thinking- before someone comes in and startles him. Until he realizes it's Luke. Then he just feels shame.
"You okay, Tom?" He closes the door and walks in further, coming to a halt a few feet in front of the tall one on sitting on the floor. He crouches down and places his hands gently over Tom's. "Tom... please, talk to me? What's going on?.. I'm really worried about you."
It's quiet for a moment before Tom opens his mouth to speak, Luke's hands still on his own as he hugs his knees to his chest. "I don't know, Luke. I'm just.. I don't know. I'm stressed."
Luke sighs, letting go of Tom's hands to sit beside him, his back against the wall, his arm pressed against Tom's. More silence for a while.
"I'm sorry I yelled at you.. I'm sorry I'm so drunk." He sniffles softly, pressing his forehead to the tops of his knees. "I don't know what's wrong with me.."
"You're allowed to be stressed. It's a normal thing." They sit for a moment, quiet surrounding them. Eventually, Tom rises his head for a moment to instead rest it against Luke's shoulder.
Luke reaches over and grabs one of Tom's hands from hugging his knees, bringing it close to himself and gently rubbing his fingers over his knuckles and the small scabs on the back of his hand. "You need to stop scratching your hand so much. You're gonna give yourself scars, Tom."
Tom watches as Luke holds his hand lightly. His head remains resting on Luke's shoulder. "I know.. I'm sorry, I don't ever notice it. I get nervous on stage sometimes."
"I know. You don't need to say sorry." His voice is calm, relaxing, making Tom feel okay. His thumb runs over the few small scabs on his hand, before gently bringing his hand to his lips, kissing each of the scabs on Tom's hand softly. Tom closes his eyes, breathing softly.
Once he kisses each small scratch, he intertwines his fingers with Tom's. Luke lets out a small sigh, leaning his head over onto Tom's head. "Can we talk? Or would you like to just stay quiet for a while?"
He doesn't answer for a second. "I don't wanna talk right now. It'll make everything worse."
"It might help, you know? But that's fine. We can just stay here for a bit." Tom hums in agreement. It's quiet for a bit, the only sounds being their breathing. Tom's eyes closed, still drunk but not overthinking anymore. Luke being so close makes everything better, his small hand holding his.
A few minutes pass before Tom shifts a bit, turning his head a little to press his forehead to Luke's shoulder, sniffling softly. "I've been getting nervous a lot on stage." He whispers, his words muffled against Luke's shirt. "Lately, I've just been feeling overwhelmed.. I don't really know why." Luke listens, not judging, just trying to understand.
"I keep overthinking everything.. and I haven't been able to relax. I thought getting a drink would help, but clearly it hasn't..." He pauses for a moment, debating on whether to continue talking about this. Then he does, he knows he needs to get this stuff off his chest. "I've been having trouble getting up in the morning, and I stay up too late at night. I can't not think about how my life feels empty... how nothing feels right anymore."
Luke nods gently, his head still resting on top of Tom's. He waits to see if he'll continue talking, but he doesn't. "What have you been overthinking about?" He asks softly, hand still holding Tom's.
Another small sniffle. Luke can't tell if he's crying or just sniffling. After a moment, he answers. "Screwing up. Saying the wrong thing, making the wrong move."
"On stage? All we do is mess up and make it funny though." Says Luke. He lifts his other hand - not the one holding Tom's hand - and brings it up behind Tom's head, gently tangling his fingers in his dark, soft hair.
"No.. not on stage." He leans into Luke's touch. "Mostly with you, Luke."
Luke's brows furrow, confused. "Why would you have to be nervous around me for?" He asks, lifting his head a little to look down at Tom, whose forehead is still pressed to his shoulder.
"Because you're so you.. you're funny, you're charming, you're sweet, you're caring.." He pauses for a moment. Luke is trying to process. "I really like you, Luke."
Luke smiles softly, his fingers running through Tom's hair still. "I like you too, Tom."
"No.." He whispers. "I really like you. I wanna kiss you and stuff." He mumbles. Luke stops breathing, stops moving, trying to understand.
Eventually, he shakes his head. "You're a weird drunk, Tom."
"It's not cause I'm drunk. I'm always thinking about you, more than usual.."
"Tom, don't say things you're gonna regret." He takes a deep breath, his hand in Tom's hair moving down to just sit on his upper back. Tom moves a little, lifting his head slightly. "You're stressed and you're drunk. You need to get some sleep so you can start thinking clearly. You- you.. Tom?" He stutters, his heart racing and his face heating up as he feels Tom's lips against his neck, kissing gently below his jaw.
"What-what're you doing, Tom?" He's frozen for a moment before he moves away, letting go of Tom's hand and looking at him. "You're drunk, Tom! I'm not gonna let you do something like that when you're not in the right mind."
"I'm sorry.." Tom whispers, looking over at Luke - who's no longer right next to him - with drunk, forlorn eyes. "I shouldn't have done that, Luke.. I'm sorry." He turns his gaze to the floor in front of him, hugging his legs back to his chest and pressing his chin to his knees.
"Tom.." Luke says quietly, unsure of what to do. He watches the drunk man from where he's sitting. One of Luke's arms lifts and he places his hand on his own neck where Tom had gently kissed him. He doesn't know how to feel.
Tom sniffles yet again. "I'm not just drunk.. I think about kissing you a lot, Luke. I try not to, but it's hard.. You're so perfect and gorgeous and it feels like that's all that has consumed my mind lately.. just you. That makes me sound like a creep, doesn't it?" He lets out a long sigh.
They sit in silence for a while, backs against the wall, staring at the floor in front of them, a foot or two between them now. Luke is trying to process everything, having a bit of trouble.
"I think.. I think I like you a lot too, Tom. But..." He wraps his arms around himself, trying to think. He can't act on anything right now - not with Tom in the state he's in. Plus, maybe he's just saying random things because he's drunk, and stressed. "You're drunk, were not gonna do something just because of a drunk confession. I don't wanna like.. take advantage of you." He says the last part quietly, not liking the idea of doing something like that to his friend. "And.. no. I-I don't think you're a creep. I think of you a lot too."
Luke opens his mouth to say something more when the door to the restroom opens, making both of them lift their heads to see who opened it. There stands Sam and AJ.
"What've you two been doing in here for so long?" Asks AJ.
"Sorry." Luke answers, rising to his feet, running a hand through his hair. "Lost track of time talking."
"We're gonna head out, you two coming or are you enjoying the company of the toilets too much?" Says Sam. Luke manages a smile.
"We're right behind you." He answers. The two turn and leave the bathroom, saying something about how they're gonna leave them if it takes too long. Luke turns to Tom, whose chin is back on the top of his knees. His eyes are glossy, like he's not all there anymore. Luke stands, then crouches down in front of him, grabbing both his hands again. Tom's eyes don't look up at him.
"Tom. We gotta get going." No response. "Tom?" He lifts one of his hands to cup Tom's jaw, gently lifting his head. "Tom, come on." He nods slowly. Luke stands, holding one of Tom's hands and helping him to his feet. He has to support the taller man, a hand around his waist to keep him from falling.
They leave the bathroom, then with the other two, leave the bar. Luke is staying with Tom. He's not sure what to do.