Chapter Text
Heaven was like it always had been.
Cold, quiet, much too bright and all in all a complete fucking shithole.
Of course, Aziraphale would never say that. He wouldn´t even dare thinking it, but if someone else had said it (presumably Crowley), he might still have denied but silently agreed to it.
Shortly after his arrival in heaven, Aziraphale quickly realized that changing heaven and making a difference was impossible.
They wouldn´t even listen to him and he didn´t dare push too far by asking if the Second Coming was really necessary. He couldn´t let them get suspicious,
Aziraphale needed them to trust him in order to get access to all the information he needed in order to stop it.
The angels all looked down on him, as usual, but also still tried to hide it behind politeness. Aziraphale did the same, he knew that he couldn´t change them,
but he knew that he could play along until they made the mistake of leaving him unsupervised for long enough for him to seriously damage them.
That was his plan, but until then, it would take a while.
At the start, Aziraphale couldn´t focus on his work.
He would sit at his desk, stare at nothing, and think about Crowley. He couldn´t help it, the way Crowley had grabbed the lapels of his coat and pulled them together, the feel of Crowley´s lips on his, the way he had looked at him from across the street when he stepped into the elevator…
He loved him. He loved his Crowley so much.
Whenever he didn’t have to work on the plans for the Second Coming or pay attention in meetings, and sometimes even then, he would replay in his head what had happened in the bookshop, trying to figure out what went wrong.
Why had Crowley reacted so badly to the opportunity of becoming an angel again? That would have been something good, wouldn´t it?
Angels did good and Crowley often did good, even though it wasn´t allowed to demons and he could get into serious trouble.
It was so stupid Aziraphale thought.
He thought he would do Crowley good, but did the exact opposite.
He doesn´t even want Crowley to be an angel again! Well he wouldn´t mind of course, but it´s not important to him. He doesn´t care if Crowley is an angel or a demon, as long as Crowley is happy.
And one day while Aziraphale was sitting at his desk and thought about it, he realized his mistake.
All he had wanted to do was to make Crowley happy, which he thought, could only be achieved if Crowley was an angel again. He had wanted to bring the excitement and joy back, that Crowley had had 6000 years ago, when he was in heaven, creating his stars.
The longer Aziraphale spent in heaven, the more he realized how cold and dark and twisted it actually was and he understood.
It was heaven who had made Crowley fall, it was heaven who had taken that smile away from him, it was heaven who had hurt his best friend, his…love?
No wonder Crowley didn´t want to be an angel again, who would want to come back to the place and people who had hurt you the most?
How could he have been so stupid, Aziraphale asked himself again and again. He had ruined it. Everything.
Maybe he could at least stop the Second Coming. Crowley would have wanted the world to keep existing, so Aziraphale could at least give Crowley that. Even if Crowley didn´t want to ever see him again afterwards.
Crowley wasn´t really paying attention to where he was driving, he was just letting the Bentley decide where to take him.
He had spent the last three years like this, drinking and driving around at dangerous speeds, of which his plants, that he still stored in his car, heavily disapproved of.
He had tried to sleep, but gave up after being tortured by nightmares one too often. He had had nightmares before (really undemonic if you asked him), but they had never been this bad and frequently as now, so why bother at all.
The destinations where Crowley would drive to were totally random. He drove to everywhere, except to the places where he had been with Aziraphale.
Sometimes London became too much.
The chaos of the city, all the memories, it was just too much for Crowley and when he couldn´t tune them out with alcohol no more, he drove out of London. Not too far away, just far enough to stop thinking about the angel.
One time he made his way to the countryside, the South Downs to be specific. He didn´t know how he had ended up there, but he didn´t mind. He saw some nice houses there.
Against his will, he imagined how it would be like to live in one of these houses with Aziraphale. Crowley was sure that Aziraphale would like the place.
Crowley could have a garden for all his plants and his angel could have bookshelves framing every wall. They could go to the village and the little cafés there and to the bookstores where Aziraphale could roam the shelves, while Crowley watched him getting excited over all the books and-
A tear falling on his hand had snapped him out of his daydream. Stupid dream. Stupid dream, stupid idea, stupid everything.
He had driven away from the South Downs and had promised himself to never come back.
Right now, Crowley is driving on the M25, although driving isn´t really the right word for it, since he is indeed not moving, but instead standing in a traffic jam.
Normally he would have been angry, but today he just couldn´t bring himself to it. He had other things to be angry and worry about.
He feels so fucking tired, so he puts his head on the steering wheel (very uncomfortable) and shuts his eyes. Instantly, his mind drifts to Aziraphale. Damn this angel, whatever Crowley does, no matter how hard he tries not to, he always has to think about him.
He loved him. He loved his angel so much. He had replayed in his head what had happened at the bookshop so often, trying to figure out why Aziraphale had done it.
Why did he leave and how could he ever want Crowley to become an angel again? Why had that been so important to him?
Maybe he had only liked him as an angel and had only tolerated the demon Crowley for all those years, only wishing to turn him into an angel someday, because only then he could love him. Or maybe Aziraphale just didn´t love him at all.
A honking car behind him brought Crowley back to reality and he started driving again.
He knew that becoming the new Supreme Archangel had probably been the right choice, as much as it pained Crowley to admit it to himself.
If Aziraphale had stayed on earth with him, someone else would have gotten the job and they surely wouldn´t have tried to stop the whole thing.
If Aziraphale now loved him or not, he didn´t know, but he was sure that Aziraphale wouldn´t let the Second Coming happen.
Aziraphale probably hadn´t even known about it before he went up, since Crowley never told him what it was that he saw on his short trip to heaven, but he definitely knew by now and would try to stop it.
Crowley hoped that he would succeed. Even if Aziraphale never wanted to see him again afterwards.
The day Crowley was driving on the M25, exactly three years after Aziraphale´s departure, heaven was very much not like it always had been.
It was still a cold and lonely place, but instead of the blinding white light, there was now a flashing red light and the normal quietness had been replaced by an awfully loud alarm. The alarm in heaven rarely went off and only did so if something really bad happened.
The book of life, which could be used to erase someone from existence, suddenly being erased from existence itself by an Archangel with a flaming sword, apparently qualified as something really bad.
Aziraphale was running. Not sprinting, but also not walking either.
With his sword in hand, he was making his way to the elevator.
Finding his sword again had been easier than Aziraphale thought it would be, he only had to ask a few low-ranking angels and they had given it to him. It was almost too easy.
The other angels already knew something was up, thanks to the alarm, so he had to get out of heaven as fast as possible.
Crowley was right, he had been so right! Heaven was, and always had been, terrible and Aziraphale couldn´t have done anything to change that, he was certain of that now.
Still, Aziraphale was glad that he had come.
It was the worst thing he had done in his entire existence and it had shattered his heart, but he also knew that it had to be done.
He needed to know heaven´s plans and had to destroy the Book of Life. Fighting against the Second Coming wouldn´t be possible if they erased him or Crowley from existence, so he had had no other choice.
He hoped Crowley would understand that.
Aziraphale crosses the halls, feeling panic set in. Get out of heaven and then? He had to find Crowley and tell him what they had to do, but would the demon even listen to him?
They had parted on terrible ways and Aziraphale knew that he had to apologize and make it up to Crowley, but how in such short time, with the Second Coming about to start every minute now?
After what felt like an eternity and out of breath, Aziraphale reaches the elevator and presses the buttons. The other angels had not yet noticed his absence, it seemed, but who knew how long it would take.
The elevator comes and he steps in. He presses the button to earth and waits for the doors to close. Aziraphale shivers as he feels the elevator go down.
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
It was fine. Everything was going to work out.
He was going to be okay.
Crowley was going to be okay.
And that´s all that mattered.