Chapter Text
It was just another routine kitten collection on Tink’s part, happily climbing up the front porch steps in his whimsical way at the thought of adding yet another adorable kitten to his humble little trailer.
“Neighbor! Oh, neighbor!”
Even after banging on the door about fifty times, Tink still didn’t get an answer. Not even a “Hello!” or “Just a second!” or “Get lost!”
“Come on, neighbor! You’re really not gonna leave your most favorite man in Boon County hanging, are ya?”
When she didn’t answer, Tink finally got the feeling that something was up.
He didn’t want to jump to conclusions, even if several possibilities crossed his mind.
Like what if she got killed by Guillotina, even if the fat cat was finally slain once and for all. It wasn’t like a cat like her could spring back to life all of a sudden, right? Or maybe she actually did the foolish thing and accompanied her own cats on their adventures, getting herself killed alongside them. But did he even see four cats leaving her house? Not like he could remember.
So he peered through the first available window, horrified by what he saw.
Cats. Several of them, in fact. Their scrawny bodies were laying on the floor, the sofa, wherever else they could, still and lifeless, the only sign of life coming from the struggled breaths they took moving up and down within their skeletal chests. Darting his eyes back and forth, he discovered the reason for their sad states in the form of empty food bowls and empty cat food bags with several tears and bite marks.
Tink was left wordless, yet he moved to the next window, a newfound sense of anger building within as he thought about giving Sophia a piece of his mind for how she was treating these poor cats. And he wasn’t even a fan of the fully grown ones, for that matter.
Until he looked inside through the kitchen window, once again horrified, but for a reason that threw his idea of an anger laden speech out the window.
The woman of the hour herself, sitting at the dining table, or lying on the dining table for that matter, her eyes closed and breathing strained just like her cats.
“Oh my goodness!” shouted Tink. “Hey! HEY!”
But she didn’t respond, not even a stir to let him know she definitely heard that.
“What do I do, what do I do?!”
He then recalled a bit of advice his brother Butch once imparted on him.
Remember, Tink. All kittens are ugly when they’re born.
No, that wasn’t it.
Never enter a three way kiss with that corpse grinder guy. Worst mistake of my life.
Nope! And why in God’s name did he ever think it was a good idea?
Breaking and entering is fine if you have a good reason for it.
“That’s it!”
Picking up the first rock he could find, Tink chucked it at the window, the glass instantly breaking with one hit, much to his shock. But it was enough for him to climb on through without getting his clothes or skin cut up.
“Ugh…” he heard the faint groan coming from Sophia. “...five more minutes, mom…”
“Honey, I ain’t your momma,” Tink said with mild offense, which got her more awake and…some semblance of alert.
“...Tink?”
Tink winced at how hoarse her voice sounded, like the verbal equivalent of rubbing two sheets of sandpaper together.
“Who else would it be?” he said with an excited pose.
“But what the fuck are you doing in my house?!” Sophia demanded, his chipper mood dropping alongside his posture.
“Are you hearing yourself? You sound like you’re sick!”
“I’m fine,” she said with a dismissive hand wave. “It’s just a little bug. Will probably clear up in a-”
The way her body convulsed like a cat about to throw up startled Tink, who was about to jump in like she were one of his kittens when she bolted from her chair and ran for the half bathroom, Tink standing there to wince and shudder at the violent hacking and gagging noises from the other side of the door.
Until after three minutes did Sophia finally come out, her form shaking and face covered in splattered remnants of orange vomit.
“I’m fine, Tink,” Sophia insisted.
“Girl, you are so NOT! You could really use some help.”
“No…maybe…but the cats-”
“I can handle that, even if half of them are too ugly for my liking,” Tink said. “You, missy, just stay here while I get some cat food and-”
“I’m out,” Sophia said.
“Then I’ll get some from the store!”
“Tink, you really don’t have to.”
“No, I insist!” Tink said, refusing to budge until this poor woman actually allowed herself a break.
“Ugh,” Sophia said with defeat. “Fine. Maybe you can also pick up some soup and ginger ale while you’re out? And perhaps a baggie of catnip, if you’re able?”
“If I’m able?! I can be back with all those things faster than you can say ‘Guillotina is coming!’ Hold on, you did kill her, right?”
“Yup…hopefully for good…”
“Good enough for me! But first, where do you keep your pillows and blankets?”
“Well, since I don’t have much of a bedroom, I keep them either on the couch or the closet-”
Tink hurried into the living room without letting her finish, grabbing a quilt that hung off the sofa’s back pillows and flapped it in the air before setting it back in a pile, then set his sights on the closet, pulling out and fluffing up as many pillows as he could find to pile on top of the sofa as well. And by the time he was finished, the sofa was converted into a misshapen pillow fort.
“That’s…a little overkill, don’t ya think?” Sophia said.
“A sick person should be as comfortable as possible!”
“I guess. How much money do I owe you?”
“Not a single cent! I’ll handle it, money and all.”
Sophia wanted to argue, but she knew there was no way he'd ever listen. So she simply plopped herself on top of the pillow fort, much to Tink’s horrified gasp.
“What? It’s better than lying on that piece of shit couch.”
“But, my handiwork!”
A small mew caught their attention, the sad sight of a famished kitten that was barely to keep itself standing reminding Tink of what he needed to do.
“You poor thing! Don’t worry, I’ll be back with all the food a kitten could want!”
Tink ignored Sophia’s eyeroll as he skipped back outside, hellbent on making sure his dear neighbor and her cats get back on their feet ASAP.
After all, those cute kittens for his photo gallery won’t make themselves.