Chapter Text
For Dean’s talk of you being ‘so strong’, he hadn’t felt you strong enough to be told about his deal. It wasn’t until he and Sam were about to leave to go after Lilith that they came clean. Saying you were hurt was an understatement. You’d been dating Dean for over just under a year. And he had been lying that entire time! There were times where they acted a bit off, but could you blame them? Hunting was a hard thing to do, and it got to people.
When they were going off to try to save Dean, you were left behind. You had fought like hell to go and help and they wouldn’t hear of it. In the end, it was Dean that shattered your will. All he did was look at you, a broken look in his eyes, and ask you to please stay back. Any tiny bit of fight you’d had was gone. You watched them walk out that door and that was that.
Dean woke up in that coffin and panicked. He didn’t let that stop him from trying (and succeeding) in getting out. Crawling out of his own grave was never something he imagined doing. When he rolled over and felt the sun on his face all he could think of was getting back to you and Sam.
Standing up, he looked around at the destruction that surrounded him. “What the hell?” He breathed.
Once Bobby got over the complete shock that Dean was really back, he asked about you and Sam. “Well, Sam’s alive as far as I know.”
“And Y/N?” There was a tinge of panic in his voice.
Bobby shrugged. “I haven’t seen her in four months.” He explained. “As soon as we buried you? She was gone. Her phones were left here, so we couldn’t even call her. No hunter has laid on her in months.” It bothered him that he had no idea if you were alive or dead. No one did.
“Damn it.” He ran a hand down his face. “Let’s find Sam, at least. Then work on tracking her down.”
“If no one has seen her in months, how do you expect to do that?” The older man asked, raising an eyebrow.
Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “I know her better than almost anyone. I know what aliases she uses, her favorite towns, all that. Narrow it down.” He felt that they could get to Sam, find you, and then get to the bottom of who- or what- brought him back.
Leaving the hunting world had hurt. It had been your world for years. Long before you met the Winchesters you were hunting all the things that went bump in the night. Going from that to waitressing was a shock to the system. You did what you had to, though. Always had. Losing Dean made staying a hunter impossible.
You slapped a smile on your face as you walked over to a regular. “Morning, Miss Tammy.” You greeted her. She was always so sweet! “How are we this morning?” Pouring her coffee, you chuckled as she made a noise that told you it had been that kind of morning. Per usual.
“Wouldn’t you know I nearly tripped over my dang cat again!” She shook her head. “But I can’t stay mad at her. She’s an old gal like me.” Her personality was not old at all! “How about you, sweetpea? Harold isn’t working you too hard, is he?” Harold was her son, and your boss. Lord knows what she was thinking when naming him Harold.
“No, he’s not. Harold is honestly one of the best bosses I have ever had.” You assured her. “You raised him very well.” Seeing her face, you could tell how much that meant to her. “Now, before we start blubbering…what can I get you this morning?”
“What have you been enjoying on your lunch lately?”
That caught you off guard. “Usually a burger and fries, a chicken salad, or the BLT.” You shrugged. “Whatever sounds best at lunch time.” Of course you’d tried other things on the menu, when you first moved to town three months ago, before you got a job there.
Miss Tammy thought for a moment, and had an adorable look on her face. You had no idea if she was 50, 70, or older. “How about we have the BLT today? Can I get that with some fries?”
“Of course. Curly or crinkled?” Harold started carrying curly when he saw you at the store buying three bags one day. He hadn’t realized people liked them that much. They’d been a popular choice ever since.
“Curly.” She smiled up at you. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll have that out for you shortly.” Some days you missed the thrill of the hunt, the satisfaction of making some town a little safer, and you couldn’t lie about that. But, then you remembered you were making something of a difference in a new way. By making people smile.
Sitting back in his chair, Dean groaned. “I don’t get it.” He’d run all of your aliases, your real name, and any variations of each he could think of. Nothing. Lacing his fingers behind his head, he knew he was missing something. There was no way someone could vanish that well. How could he find information on people who died decades ago, but nothing about you?
“Dean, I hate to say it, but maybe we should let this go.” Sam spoke up. “We keep hunting, and maybe one day we’ll find out what happened.” His tone was gentle, knowing how hard this was for his brother. While Sam had months to come to terms with you being gone…Dean had not.
A look crossed Dean’s face that same couldn’t place. “How can I just accept that she’s gone? I love her, Sammy.” He told him. “And it feels like not looking for her is just giving up.”
“Word will spread that you’re back.” There’s no way something like this wouldn’t. “Which means that if she’s still hunting, she’ll hear.”
“She left her phones behind, Sam.” How could you be hunting without them?
Sam shrugged. “Maybe she wrote the numbers down and got a new phone? I don’t know.”
It had been ages since you’d seen Sam or Dean, but not a day went by where he didn’t cross your mind. You had no idea that Dean had spent months looking for you, either. That every day you crossed his mind, and many nights before bed he would search your name just in case. He looked for you in every town they came to, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he’d get lucky.
Crouching, you caught your son as he came down the slide with a giggle. “Again, mommy!” He beamed.
“Alright, last time before we need to get home.” You ruffled his hair. “We can come back tomorrow, okay?”
He pouted at that. “Okay.” He sighed. Moving to climb up the ladder again, he paused before deciding to make a game of it. “Catch me, mommy!” He ran away from you, and you were thankful that the park was fenced in. However, it was a large park.
“DJ!” You called. “Get back here.” All you were met with was his laughter. “Damn it!” Grumbling to yourself, you jogged after him.
“So, it looks like werewolves.” Sam showed Dean some papers. “Going after young families.”
“God damn it.” Dean groaned, but then paused. “Did you hear that?” He glanced at Sam who looked confused. “I swear I heard Y/N.” His eyes started darting around.
Sam sighed, opening his mouth to tell him he was hearing things when he heard it. And it sounded like you were calling for Dean?
“Dean, get back here!”
He furrowed his brows. “What the hell?” Now he was looking around. It sounded like it was coming from behind some trees where he knew the park was.
“Dean Winchester, if you do not stop running from me, then we won’t come tomorrow!”
“Coming, Mommy!” Came a little voice.
Sam and Dean shared a look before taking off in a run to get to the park. They came around the corner in time to see you carrying a toddler towards the fence. You smiled at the little boy and tickled him. “Holy shit.” Dean breathed. “Y/N!” Without thinking twice he made his way towards you.
Hearing Dean’s voice took you off guard. How long had it been since you jerked awake thinking you’d heard him? Closing your eyes for a moment, you took a breath. Why was this happening now?
“Y/N!” Sam called out, making you whip around. Your eyes slowly went to Dean. “I swear it’s Dean. Is there somewhere we can talk?” The voice he used was one you’d heard many times on hunts. When he was trying to be compassionate and trying to get someone to let their guard down.
“Who is that, mommy?”
Dean looked like he would cry. “Some friends of mommy’s.” You rubbed his back. “Come over for dinner. That’s the best bet. I’ll give you my address.”
After you’d given them the address and time to be there you’d said goodbye and loaded DJ into his carseat. Sam and Dean just watched. “Was that why she took off?” Dean asked no one.
“Maybe. He’s about the right age.” But wouldn’t you have been safer sticking closer to Bobby? “And, uh, he has your name.” It would be obvious to anyone that was Dean’s son.
“I know why she didn’t tell me. She didn’t know I came back. But why didn’t she ever contact you? Bobby? Ellen? Jo? Anyone.” You cut everyone off.
Sam nudged him to start walking. “Can you blame her? Just wanting to raise him as normally as she can, while she can?” One day word would get around that Dean Winchester had a son, who was unprotected.
Dean nodded. His mind was going a million miles an hour. He was a father. That wasn’t something he ever thought would happen. Would he be allowed to be there for his son? Or would you want him to stay away? “Y/N and DJ are a young family.” He froze. “One of us will need to stay with her until this is dealt with.” The thought of a werewolf going after the two of you had him nearly panicking.
“We’ll talk to her.” Sam promised.
DJ was in his room playing when there was a knock on your door. Taking a deep breath you went to answer the door. “Hey, guys. Come on in.” Stepping aside, you let them in. “Dinner is almost done. Cheeseburger casserole. DJ’s favorite.” You explained.
“Smells so good in here.” Dean told you. “What’s his middle name? I heard you call him Dean, but what’s the ‘J’ for?”
“Junior.” You said shyly. “His full name is Dean Winchester Junior.” Part of you were worried that he’d be upset over you naming him that. “I thought his daddy was gone, so he should have his name.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Dean felt honored that you named DJ that. “Does he know who I am?”
You shook your head. “He’s only three. Kinda young for all the explaining. I had prepared myself for when he started asking questions, though. That his daddy died a hero, and that he would have loved him. But, it’s been bugging me all day. How are you back? I helped bury you.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. That day was up there with one of the worst days of your entire life.
Dean and Sam both let out a half chuckle. “Uh, well. An angel, actually.” Dean shrugged. “An angel pulled me from the pit.” The way he said it was shocking. He was saying it like he was saying ‘the sky is blue’.
“You’re joking, right? There’s no such thing.” Your eyes went between the pair of them. “We’ve never had any evidence they’re real.”
“Oh, we have plenty of evidence now. One is actually I’d say friends with Dean. Or at least seems to have a soft spot for him.” Sam grinned. “We can try to get him here? He’s kinda flaky sometimes.”
“Angels are flaky?” Your eyebrows shot up at that.
Dean nodded. “Well, some are just dickbags.” He noted before the three of you heard little feet running towards you. “Hey, little man.” He managed when he saw DJ.
“Mommy, I hungry.” He sighed.
Chuckling, you scooped him up. “Dinner is almost done. Just a couple more minutes and then I’ll pull it out of the oven. Then what do I do?”
“Let it rest!” You’d had to keep reminding him when he first started talking. So you turned it into a game. He saw Sam and Dean smiling at him and got shy, putting his face into your neck.
“DJ, can you say hi?” When all he did was wave his little hand, you laughed. “Don’t you want to meet them so they aren’t strangers anymore?” He nodded but didn’t move otherwise. “This is Dean…” You started, making his head pop up.
“I’M Dean, mommy!” He reminded you.
You couldn’t help but smile. “But so is he.” DJ looked over at Dean as you pointed. “Do you remember how I told Miss Tammy you were named after your daddy?” You watched your son’s face pinch into confusion. “That’s your daddy, baby.”
Dean watched you with DJ and his heart clenched. You were so good with him, and while he hadn’t planned for kids in this life, he couldn’t have asked for a better mother for his son. He couldn’t imagine how hard this had been on you. Not only were you a single mother, but DJ was a tiny copy of him. You thought Dean was dead and had been looking into his face this whole time. That had to have been heartbreaking.
“He is?” DJ gasped.
“And that’s your uncle Sammy.” You introduced Sam. The only people DJ really had were you, Miss Tammy, Harold, and the teenager you hired to babysit him now and then. So there was no telling how he would take to having an actual family. Then there was the issue of the boys traveling. Would DJ be able to understand why they weren’t around very much? You’d cross that bridge when you got there.
When the timer went off, it broke the bubble that seemed to be surrounding the four of you. “Anything we can do to help?” Sam offered.
“Uh, sure. Can you get the drinks from the fridge? I got you and Dean beer, there’s a sippy in there with milk for DJ, and then a Redbull for me?” You gave him a thankful smile. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” He followed you towards the kitchen.
“Now, what’s the rule?” You asked DJ as you set him on the counter by the fridge.
“Keep my little butt right here.” He giggled.
Dean leaned against the door frame and just watched. Sam was at the fridge getting out drinks, DJ was watching you intently, and you were pulling the casserole from the oven. Setting it down, you reached out and set a timer for five minutes. “Let’s get you in your booster.” You lifted DJ to carry him to his seat.
“Can my daddy sit by me?” DJ asked you, a look on his face that screamed ‘Sammy’. Smirking, he glanced at his brother for a moment.
You looked at Dean who gave you a nod. Looking back to DJ you smiled. “Of course.” You assured him.
Dinner had gone well, even with those awkward moments. DJ started to warm up to the boys, warming your heart. “I need to give him a bath, if you guys want to hang out you can. I have a couple gaming systems and DVDs. Unless you’re, uh, working.” DJ knew nothing of that world and wanted to keep it that way.
“We’re working, but we can wait.” Dean told you. “We can talk, explain our current job, all that.” This job might affect you, and he was surprised that you didn’t seem to know anything about it. Did you just turn off your hunter’s instincts?
“Hey, how about I run out and get us snacks?” Sam offered. You’d always dealt with things better when snacking.
“I have some mozz sticks in the freezer. How about you make those up? Just make the whole box, because whatever doesn’t get eaten I’ll use tomorrow.”
“On it.” Dean surprised you by heading to the kitchen.
You blinked and glanced at Sam, who shrugged. “I think he’s processing. You were the first person he asked about when he came back.” He said softly. “He’s never stopped looking.”
Swallowing, you nodded. “Well, uh, I’ll get DJ cleaned up and tucked in. Shouldn’t be too long.” You worried that you’d start crying if you talked about this anymore right that moment.
After DJ had been tucked in he requested Dean read him his bedtime story. Dean had been shocked, but agreed. “I’ll meet you in the living room.” For a moment you didn’t move as you watched him take the book from DJ and get comfortable. Once in the living room, you flopped in a chair and watched Sam intently play God of War. He seemed to be really into it.
That’s how the two of you remained until Dean came in. You simply enjoying watching Sam wipe through some enemies. “Alright, save the game.” He ordered.
“Dude, I’m in the middle of something!” Sam shot him a glare. “Go get the damn mozz sticks out of the oven while I finish up.” You couldn’t help but giggle at that. You could picture them as teenagers fighting over things like that. “Won’t be long.”
“Beer, Sammy?” You asked, getting up to get everyone drinks.
“Sure, thanks.” He answered without looking away from the screen.
You and Dean moved to the kitchen. “Beer, Dean?” You asked from the fridge as he pulled the sheet from the oven.
“Please.” He nodded. The closer it got to this talk the more his mind wandered. What would have happened if he hadn’t gone to hell? What would have happened to the two of you if they hadn’t stumbled across you? The thought that you and DJ would have been one day killed because of him was a sickening thought. “Should I put this all on one plate and we can share?”
“Sure. I’ll get us a small bowl of ranch to go with it, too.”
“So…” Sam started once he’d saved and shut down the system. “Do you want to talk about the hunt or everything else first?” There was no ‘less awkward’ choice in his opinion.
Dean looked like a chipmunk with his mouth full of food when he looked at you. “Uh, the hunt.” You picked. That felt like a much better choice. “I’m guessing that since you’re in town there’s something bad around here. What’re you dealing with?”
Licking his lips, Dean spoke up. “Werewolves.” He sighed. “Targeting young families.” When he saw you tense he knew that you thought the same thing that he did: you were a possible target. “We were thinking that one of us should stay with you until he’s taken care of.” He went on. “And how did you not notice there’s a werewolf in town? Did you not see the signs?”
“I refuse to watch the news, even local.” You admitted. “Being a mom made it that much harder. And no one has mentioned anything that would have given me the impression there was a monster here.” Which told you that it was only a couple people killed so far. “As for one of you staying here, I really don’t mind. I work most days anyway. Miss Tammy watches him most days, but some weekends or evenings I hire a girl that lives down the hall. She’s sweet.” This was a good way to sprinkle in things about your life naturally. “Anyways. I promise if I thought there was a hunt here I would have called Bobby or Sam.”
“You have our numbers? You ditched your phones.”
You gave him a look that told him he was crazy. “Of course I do. I wrote them down. I’m not stupid.” You defended yourself. “I knew that if something came up I’d need help. Or if things went sideways for me, I would have a place to run. To Bobby’s.”
“I’m glad to know you had that in mind.” Dean released a sigh. “Did you take off because you were pregnant?”
“Actually,” you chuckled. “I didn’t know I was pregnant right away.” That had been a curveball! “I found out a couple months after I left. I’d been here about a month, getting myself situated.” It had gone from you learning to live as a civilian, to preparing to become a mother. “I found out when I was just about four months along.”
“So why did you leave?” Sam’s voice was quiet. “We crashed at Bobby’s, and when I woke up you were gone. No note, phones on the table, and you in the wind. We tried to find you with no luck.”
Taking a bite of a mozzarella stick, you thought how to explain it. “I couldn’t hunt anymore with a constant reminder of Dean. I may have been a hunter for years before him, sure…but hunting and Dean became one.” You licked some ranch from your lip. “If I kept hunting I’d run into hunters who would mention him, if I stayed hunting with Sam it would have been hovering over me, and I just couldn’t. I decided to just live some silly little life in a small town somewhere.”
“And you still got a reminder of me.” Dean was kind of amused at that.
“Yeah, but he’s cute and not deadly. So.” You chuckled. “I will say I think the love of bacon cheeseburgers and pie is genetic.” Dean’s face lit up at that. “I tend to not make stuff with bacon so it’s a real treat when I do. Especially bacon cheeseburger pizza.”
Sam laughed. “He really is a small Dean!” He shook his head.
“He is!” As DJ grew and his personality started to show you were amazed how much like his father he was. “He’s goofy, caring, and so smart.” You glanced to the door to DJ’s bedroom.
“You’ve done an amazing job with him.” Dean told you, sounding emotional. “He seems like a great kid.”
Sam felt the air shift. “I’m gonna go back to the motel and see what else I can find on these werewolves. Let you guys talk.” Although part of him figured a lot more than talking would be happening. “I’ll call if anything sticks out.”
Dean nodded. “Alright. Hopefully we can get this taken care of quickly.” The sooner the better.
“Well, you’re welcome to come over for dinner while you’re in town. It has to be better than take out, but the diner is good, too. I might be biased, though.” You told him as he stood. “I’ll let you know in advance if I work the dinner shift, though.”
“I appreciate it.” He grinned. “Night, guys.” With that, he left the two of you alone.
After a few minutes of silence, it was Dean that spoke up. “I never stopped loving you.” Your eyes shot to his. “What’s going to happen when this case is up?” He asked almost as if he was scared. Scared he’d leave and you’d vanish again, but this time with DJ.
“I never stopped loving you, either.” How could you have? “And that’s up to you. You live on the road, and well…I did hear a lot of stories about what you were like on the road before me. I can’t sit here and pretend you likely went back to that when you couldn’t find me. And I couldn’t blame you for that. Would you really give that up to pass through here now and then? Would you want to pick things up where we left off? Which, by the way, you’re lucky I’m not still pissed off at you at you lying to me about that damn deal.” You’d lost that anger a long time ago.
Dean looked down at that. “I’m sorry.” Looking back he knew that was wrong. He should have been up front about the deal and how little time he had left, but he couldn’t. You were sunshine and you smiled at him like he wasn’t some broken hunter. In short, he had been selfish. “I was afraid if I told you about the deal you’d leave. And that would have been worse than facing hellhounds.”
Hearing that hurt. That at no point in that year he felt he knew you enough that you wouldn’t have left. “I would have stayed.” You told him. “I think I fell in love with you pretty fast.” It wouldn’t have mattered that he was destined for hell. Nothing could have made you abandon him.
“I won’t sit here and lie and say I’ve been celebate since I’ve been back.” He wouldn’t lie to you again. Ever. “I also can’t sit here and say I didn’t look up your name most nights just in case something would come up.” Hearing that made you blush. “I was terrified I’d see an obituary but I couldn’t stop looking. Finding you has been on my mind since I crawled out of that grave.” Had he found you sooner, his son would already know who he is.
“So, what do we do now?”
Licking his lips, hs felt like he was between a rock and a hard place. “I wish things were different. I wish that I could say I could quit, that I’d get some job in town, be a boyfriend and father, that one day I’d get down on one knee…but that’s not reality.” He said sadly. “I’ve got too many people after me. Monster and human.” That much you knew. “I’m not going to ask you to raise him on the road, either. Not only because I know you wouldn’t agree, but I don’t want that for him. I don’t want to ruin his life. Even if I know that one day it’ll all come crumbling down because of who his father is.” Dean hated that was on his shoulders. You were tearing up at this point. “I’m not walking away from him, because I can’t. I want to be a father as much as I can. I’ll call, I’ll send gifts, I’ll be here for birthdays, and for Christmases.” He vowed.
It cut you deep that he said he would be there for him. No mention of you. “So we’ll be saying goodbye after this case?” You tried to hold back the pain in your voice.
“Sweetheart, you deserve someone who is here all the time. I want you to find someone to make you happy.” Thinking of another man with you killed him, but he’d been selfish before. And it didn’t go well. It was time to start thinking of you. “Just warn him I won’t go easy on him when I meet him?” Hie half joked.
“Dean, there hasn’t been anyone since you.” There just hadn’t been anyone who had caught your eye.
He nodded, staring at the floor for a moment before looking at you. “Can we at least be friends?”