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Kathani Sharma Bridgerton had to plan out the rest of her life the moment her appa passed away.
There was no time for grief. It was not a luxury she could have. There was the funeral to plan, finances to fix, and her mother and sister to take care of. Kate promised him that she would do whatever it took to keep them happy and safe—only she never knew how difficult it would be at times.
So for years, she sold anything she could, even some of her late mothers possessions. She bartered for anything she could, and spent all her free time teaching herself all that a lady should know so that she could teach it to her sister.
Kate was not surprised when Edwina was declared the Diamond. Beyond knowing that she trained her sister to be the perfect debutante, Edwina had the beauty and elegance of one. Her soft, delicate features made her pleasing to look at. The way she talked was refined and always polite.
Being a Diamond was to be the exact opposite Kate, who let her mouth run so fast there was no catching up to it, could not dance unless she was leading, and enjoyed spending her mornings riding astride.
But not everything went according to her well-thought out plan and it was all due to a certain viscount.
She never expected to come across Anthony Bridgerton on her early morning ride that first day she spent on English soil. A handsome gentleman who vexed her relentlessly and lost their spontaneous race: the first race of many, Kate would someday learn.
She had never expected to fall in love with Anthony, especially not while he was courting her sister. Kate was content with the idea of leaving for India and becoming a governess. There was no other option for her.
Or so she thought.
Now, as she sits on a swing in the backyard of Bridgerton house, she can not help but laugh at her past self for her narrow mindedness.
Kate’s young son, whom she would have never had if not for the fact that she accepted her love for Anthony, was seated on a quilt spread across the grass in front of her, patting at the Earth with both hands.
Neddy was always a curious little boy from the moment he was born, always examining his surroundings with his large eyes. Now, at ten months old, he was rarely still for long—forever rolling, crawling, or attempting to hoist himself upright on unsteady legs.
Kate imagined that once he learned how to walk, he would always be running around the yard, chasing after his cousins or butterflies fluttering around, the same as Kate when she was a child. But for now, his adventures consisted of crawling and wobbling attempts to stand, usually ending with him falling right on his bottom. Every time he fell, he’d furrow his brows and pout his lip, making Kate laugh because it reminded her so much of Anthony.
She was pulled from her thoughts by a gentle voice.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
Kate turned to see her sister-in-law, Eloise, making her way toward her.
“Of course.” Kate smiled, gesturing to the swing next to her. “I could use some company as my former companion seems more interested in trying to explore every inch of the garden right now. Though, he hasn’t been able to make it past the blanket yet, which I believe frustrates him”
“I certainly can not blame him,” Eloise said, sitting down on the swing. “I would not want to be trapped in one place for my entire life, especially when there is so much of the world to see.”
Kate tilted her head. She was used to how blunt Eloise could be about her feelings, it was one of the things Kate admired most about her, but the statement surprised her.
“Is everything alright Eloise?”
“Yes, well almost. I am simply frustrated right now.”
“Tell me then.”
“It’s only just—well, I’m not sure you would appreciate what I have to say.”
“I can take it.” Kate shrugged. “You’ve never held back with me before. I don’t wish for you to start now.” Kate gave her a small nod. “Be honest with me.”
Eloise took a deep breath. “You know, for a while now, only me and Benedict would ever sit on these swings. Everyone else seemed to have gotten too old for it, but we would always come back to these swings. Usually to simply… talk. We’d talk about the expectations put on us by our mother or Anthony.” Eloise looked up at Kate with a guilty look on her face. “We’d talk about how we didn’t want to get married, not yet at least. We were going to forge our own paths in this world.”
Ah, so that’s what this is about, Kate thought to herself.
Only a few weeks earlier, Benedict had gotten married to his beautiful bride, Sophie. Kate firmly believed they were a perfect match. She never cared that Sophie was a maid, even when her dear husband worried about how it might harm the family’s reputation. Yes, she too worries about their family’s reputation, but their class differences should not signify.
They loved each other and that was all that mattered.
Sophie brought out the best in Benedict, making him laugh and smile more than ever and encouraged him to pursue his art again. The portrait he painted of Sophie for her (one of many) wedding gifts was one of the most beautiful pieces Kate had ever seen. And Sophie, herself, was absolutely delightful to be around. She was kind and intelligent, and had the resilience needed to be married to a Bridgerton man. Yes, Kate was going to enjoy having Sophie as a sister-in-law very much.
That said, Kate certainly could put herself in Eloise’s shoes as well. Eloise was happy for her brother and Sophie. She loved them both dearly, and was probably one of the most happy people to see them get together.
However, that didn’t mean Eloise wasn’t feeling abandoned. Benedict getting married meant Sophie was now his priority in life. That there would be times where he would be away from his family, living at Our Cottage during the off seasons, and currently he was off in France on his Honeymoon.
“Eloise,” Kate said gently. “I’m sorry that you are feeling this way.”
Eloise gave a small, humorless laugh. “You shouldn’t feel sorry for me. I am the one sounding like a sulking child while complaining about how happy my brother is now that he is married.”
“You are not a child for grieving a change.”
“It is not grief.”
“It is,” Kate said. “Not the sort that comes with mourning clothes, perhaps. But it is still the loss of something. You and Benedict against the world. That is different now.”
Eloise sighed. “It’s not just about things changing. I am used to change. Only my youngest two siblings have never been married. With Daphne and Francesca, it was easier. I knew that getting married was something they both desired. I had time to prepare myself. But then my best friend, the person I was supposed to grow old with, married my brother. Even you. You told me that you had no plans to ever be married, and yet you married Anthony of all people and had a child with him.”
Eloise’s face flushed bright red as she realized what she said.
“Oh God, I am making a complete fool of myself,” Eloise stuttered. “I’m sorry, Kate. Truly. Please forgive me, I did not mean to insult you or the life you’ve created. I know how happy you are and you are one of the most deserving people I know.”
Kate laughed. “You’re forgiven, I know you meant no offense. And I understand. I certainly never expected myself to give up the life I planned for such a vexing man.”
A small grunt from the blanket pulled her attention immediately, and Kate turned just in time to intercept a determined crawl off the blanket towards a patch of dirt.
Eloise gave Kate a small smile.
“This is about the fact Benedict said he didn’t want to get married, isn’t it,” Kate said, as she placed Edmund back on the blanket.
For a moment, Eloise stayed silent, staring down towards her feet. She gave Kate the tiniest nod.
“I am happy for him,” she insisted. “Truly. Sophie is—” She stopped, searching for the right word. “She is perfect for him.”
“She is,” Kate agreed. “She steadies him. And he adores her.”
It was clear to anyone how much Benedict loved Sophie, especially considering how little he tried to hide his affections. He was always near her, usually touching her in some way, whether it was an arm around her waist or kiss on her cheek (or more scandalously her lips).
Despite his reputation as a rake, he was fully devoted to his wife and her happiness. Reformed rakes do make excellent husbands—or at least they do when they are Bridgertons.
“That is precisely the problem,” Eloise muttered.
Kate smiled faintly. “Because you fear that if love can change Benedict, it might one day change you?”
Eloise did not answer, which was answer enough.
“For years,” Kate began, considering her words carefully. “I believed my life had one purpose. Everything I did was for Edwina and her happiness, every decision I made was shaped around that duty. I told myself I liked my independence, and I truly do.” She watched as Edmund rocked back and forth on his hands and knees before triumphantly pulling himself only to fall right back down into his bottom.“When Anthony entered my life, I fought it because I thought that loving him meant giving up part of myself. I thought marriage would swallow me whole.”
“And it did not?” Eloise asked.
“No.” Kate shook her head. “If anything, being married to Anthony has made me feel more like myself than ever. It has revealed parts of me that I had never known. Marriage requires compromise, it is not always easy, but I know that Anthony will always love me. I cannot describe how wonderful it feels to know I will always have someone to rely on. To be the one cared for.”
Eight years of her life were spent caring for others, never putting herself first. Being a governess for a family in India would have been all the same.
Anthony made her feel chosen. Desired. She didn’t have to work for his love, she simply had it. He loved every part of her, even the more prickly parts. The parts she felt she needed to hide away from the rest of society like her sharp tongue or her stubbornness.
Eloise seemed to ponder what Kate said, taking in her words slowly.
“I suppose,” she said at last, “I am less afraid of marriage than I am of being left behind. There is so much of the world closed off to unmarried women. If everyone else gets married, where does that leave me?”
“Eloise, whether you get married or not, you will always be a Bridgerton.” Kate reached out to squeeze her hand. “That will never change. Any path you choose to take, your family will always be by your side. You will always be loved. I promise you, you won’t be left behind.”
“Thank you, sister.” She squeezed Kate’s hand back.
“Of course,” Kate said. “The only thing I ask of you is that if love finds you, don’t run away from it. It can be scary, but it is worth it.”
Eloise nodded. “I won’t. Though, if I was ever to consider getting married, I would accept nothing else than what Benedict and Sophie have.”
“Nor should you,” Kate said firmly. “I may be married now, but I do still agree with many of your critiques of marriage, especially the expectations society places upon women. Your brothers are good men. Men who value partnership in their marriages, which I fear is all too rare in the Ton.”
“I do not want to disappear into someone else’s life.”
“Then do not. Any man worthy of you would never ask you to be something you’re not. And if you never find a gentleman who doesn’t offer you his devotion, his love, I have no doubt anything you do will be nothing less than extraordinary.”
Kate couldn’t guess whether or not Eloise would get married. Bridgerton's were known in the Ton for their love stories and despite Eloise’s grievances about marriage, she did believe in love; that, Kate knew.
If she were to marry, it would need to be to a man who doesn’t hold her back, but encourages her spiritedness. A man who would find copies of her favorite pamphlets as soon as they were printed or listen to her talk for hours about the books she is reading. A man who is kind, but also challenges her.
And if no such man exists, then Eloise would carve out her own place in the world with all the love and support that Kate could possibly give her.
“What are you two doing out here?”
They turned to see Anthony approaching, his face instantly softening when he saw his son reaching out towards him. “Oh hello, little one! Did you miss your appa while he was working?” He said as he picked his young son up.
Edmund giggled as Anthony lifted him up into the air, his curls falling onto his face.
“Neddy was perfectly content spending time with his amma and auntie Eloise.” Kate stood up to give both her husband and child a kiss on the cheek. “Would you like to hold him, Eloise?”
“No, no.” Eloise stood quickly, shaking her hands. “Thank you, but no.” In fact, I think I am going to my room. I need to rest for a bit.”
Kate laughed. While Eloise may be slowly opening up to the idea of marriage, children was going to take some more work. While she may never have children of her own, she was already outnumbered by her nephews. Maybe a niece or two might convince her that children aren’t so terrible.
As Eloise began to walk away, she turned back. “Thank you, Kate, for listening to me. It truly means everything to me to have a sister like you.”
“Of course,” Kate said.
They smiled at each other before Eloise headed back into the house.
“You have that look,” he said, as he shifted Edmund on his hip.
“What look?”
“The Viscountess look. It’s the same look my mother makes when she is plotting something.” His eyes narrowed, but were full of amusement. “Should I be concerned?”
“Always.” Kate brushed the curls off of Edmund’s head though they seemed to fall right back. “It is a dangerous thing to have a viscountess that thinks.”
Anthony huffed a laugh. “Hardly. I, for one, am exceedingly grateful you think.”
“Oh, I know you are.” She placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “You would be terribly bored otherwise.”
He hummed in agreement, leaning in to capture her lips again. His free hand slid across her waist, steadying her as he deepened the kiss.
Edmund, clearly not happy with his parents, smacked his tiny hand against his father’s chest until they separated.
Anthony blinked. “I beg your pardon.”
Kate laughed, “I believe our son was concerned was forgot he was here and that we were going to do something even more scandalous.” She kissed Neddy’s temple which made him giggle.
“So, what were you and Eloise discussing out here?” Anthony asked, moving his hand from her waist to her hand.
“That,” she poked his chest, “is between me and her. Though, I will say, I believe it was quite a productive conversation.”
“That does not surprise me. I had no doubt that you would be the perfect mentor to my sisters.” He squeezed her hand. “You are a wonderful viscountess.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
While she may have been the farest thing from a perfect debutante, Kate knew she was a good viscountess. And whenever she doubted herself, Anthony was there to reassure her. He’d remind her that she had the intelligence, fortitude, and kindness needed to run a noblehouse. That he loved her and wanted her by his side for any battle.
There was much she still needed to figure out, especially in terms of being a good mother. All she could hope now that at least her words today helped Eloise one way or another.
Little did Kate know, Eloise was heading back to her room to write a letter to a certain gentleman.