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Siffrin Catches A Kelp Monster

Summary:

Siffrin goes fishing, and catches something.

A coin announces that they have to have an fnf style rap battle

also siffrin wonders where the hell is zomsif from

siffrim continues to be an asshole

Work Text:

The lake ripples as Siffrin fishes in it.
“Really? Fishing?” 
Siffrim shush it gets better i swear
“M sure”
stop interrupting you annoying piece of-

ANYWAYS
 
– – –

The lake ripples as Siffrin fishes in it. The ripples around the bobber acting as a target. The bobber floating on the water's surface. A cool breeze lightly moves his messy, unbrushed hair. 
The ripples around the bobber acting as a target.

They aren’t expecting to catch a single thing, when suddenly the bobber goes under. 

REEL REEL REEL

Siffrin catches a little fish, that more experienced fishers would call small fries. The fish is a pale color and it’s eyes stare into Siffrin’s soul a little too much.

Despite this the rogue’s eyes lighten up at the catch, not because of the catch itself but rather Success. Who doesn’t like success?

They release the fish back into the water. It flops it’s way to safety.
“Bye little guy! Hope the rest of your day goes swimmingly.” He says.

“That actually wasn’t too bad of a pun. Usually your* jokes are bad. *author not this specific Siffrin” OK SHUT UP SIFFRIM LET ME MAKE A JOKE WITHOU- wait your not even making fun of it this time. 

“Yeah no shit.”
Meanie.
ANYWAYYYSSS BACK TO THE PLOT.

– – – 

Siffrin casts their rod again, this time the bobber goes under much more harshly. 

REEL REEL REEL

A clump of kelp. Ah man, starsawful catch.

He prepares to throw it in the lake again when, A GIANT CREATURE appears from under it.

“Well hello there I’m really… kelpful!” It said.

“Awful terrible dialogue worst I’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing.” The annoying interrupter says. 

SYBAU

“Nuh.”

Back. To. The. Plot. Next time, you’re going in the torture labyrinth.

As we return to the plot, we see the wild kelp monster fishing. It’s a natural predator. It sits watchi-
“Why is this a documentary now?”
Can’t I have fun. You are the character.
“Sorry that I’m fiction. Not my fault.”
It kind of is.
“NUH UH.”

B A C K. T O. T H E. P L O T.

– – –

The kelp monster deploys a croissant.
“Heyo, watchu doing???” Siffrin asks, trying to hide a face of pure disdain.
“And the look is; For a good reason. I HATE blinding croissants.”
Yeah… let’s just continue though.

“I can fish with what I please.” The kelp creature says with it’s scooby-doo like voice. “Ruh roh raggy!” Siffrim adds.

“Well not with croissants.” The rogue spits. 

“Why not? You’ve given me no real reason.” Kelpy questions.

“A reason? No I don’t need a reason.” Siffrin replies.

“Ok then I’ll continue croissant fishing.” As it says that, a shadowy figure appears, and Siffrin feels. A. Tug. On. His. Stomach.

– – –

“Was that just the figure from the playground? Why are they here???”

It was indeed one of the horrors I made you witness. Ha ha!

Suddenly Cthulhu appears, says hi, and then immediately leaves.
“What”
It’s funny trust.

ANYWAYS
A portal opens, very normal. Just a regular Tuesday. Why would it not be? From the portal, and orange beefy die coin steps foward.

“Ok so Boyfriend from FNAF had me make you guys rap battle.” Coiny informs.
“What”

IT’S FUNNY OK. I AM A VERY FUNNY PERSON. MY HUMOR IS NOT ANY FACADE. I'M JUST FUNNY AND LIKEABLE AND THE ULTIMATE WEIRD KID. I’M AWESOMERONI AND YOU’RE NOT. YOU’RE JUST PATHETIC. 

“It’s actually really; stupid, annoying, overused, random for the sake of random, and all and all an unfunny shit joke-” dude wtf “-like every other pathetic joke you hide behind. Every joke you use to ‘lighten the mood’ Spoiler Alert: it just makes things awkward, and uncomfortable, but you can’t help but do that right? It’s in your nature to ruin everything and take up peoples energy+resources. Selfish. Everyone avoids you in fear of upsetting you. You are always expecting sympathy for things you refuse to fix because of ‘clinging to any stable personality you can, even if it’s unhealthy’. Expecting praise for the dumbest things. ‘Oh Author, nice new bracelet! You’re so good at making things. You’re so funny and silly and creative. Such a good friend! So kind and caring! So dedicated.’ Newsflash; nobody is ever going to say that to you. Even if they did, you’d just deflect it or refuse it despite craving it. Or another option, it’d be straight up fake. You claim you’re self aware. You claim you understand people on a much deeper level than most. You claim you understand things more than everybody. You’re horrible. You’re a contradiction. You’re a fraud.”

Sybau

“Ok.”

that was easier than expected. now


B A C. K T.  T.  T O TT H H HE. P L O TT T.
and don’t blinding interrupt this time.
“...ok”

– – –

Siffrin sees a decaying Siffrin under the water. Their eyes are wide, and the Siffrin home to this universe can’t tell if their excited, or fearful. He walks to the mysterious doppelganger.

    “Hello weird rotting version of me.” Siffrin says with an awkward smile. 
Zomsif tries not to laugh, but that’s visibly what he’s doing. “sTOP . DON’T LAUGH AT THAT .” He shouts towards himself. Their eyebrows are full of tension.

“...You good?” Siffrin asks.

“Yup! I’m fine ! I’m all good ! WHy do you ask ? Trust me I’m definitely happy and good and okay and don’t have anything majorly stressful right now !!! Why wouldn’t I be ???” Zomsif says, more trying to convince themself than Siffrin.

“Ok then. I’ll pretend to believe you out of convenience. Anyways, quick question. Who, what, and why are you?” The ‘original’ rogue asks.

“Next question! Ha ha!” After they added the haha, his brain forced him to laugh. He covers his mouth in an attempt to cease the unwanted action. The laugh seems to say “help me” as they clenches their fists in annoyance. He almost has tears in his eyes, yet the lack of eyes makes that impossible.

“i’m going to explode.” They say with another forced giggle. 

Siffrin awkwardly stares to the side, and slightly puffs their cheeks to avoid potentially saying something wrong. He didn’t want to make things worse by mistake.

Zomsif was shaking, and looking down yet continued to have a smile that was a little too wide to be genuine, yet couldn’t seem to stop. The contradictory feelings increased their stress further in a vicious cycle.

Despite the stress, the hyper energy overrides it, and another bout of laughing, which embarrasses them, and the involuntary nature of it increases the stress.

“Dude. You say you’re alright, but… you’re clearly,,, not. You’re knee is going a million miles per hour for one, and assuming you are somehow a decayed clone of me that’s REALLY not normal.” Siffrin says, not getting even a little pause before Zomsif replies.

“NOPE I’M FINE AND MY HOME UNIVERSE IS DEFINITELY NOT GETTING TAKEN OVER BY VOID!!!” The words are too fast to be understood all the way, but Siffrin got enough to kind of understand.



…Yeah they don’t understand actually.
“Uh what.” The confused one can only seem to say that.

“I KNEW IT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL YOURE ONLY PRETENDING TO CARE BUT YOU ACTUALLY HATE ME AND THINK IM ANNNOYING.” Zomsif stormed off.



“Ok so can we do this rap battle.” Kelpy broke the tension.

– – –

At the battle arena that conveniently was nearby Kelpy stood on one circle, on the other side Siffrin stood.

“Beep beep boop” The fished says.

“BEEP BEEP BOOP.” The fisher says.  


“SIFFRIN WINS!!!” Coiny declares, and then explodes into a pile of money. 

– – –

“im not even going to say anything about this” Siffrim says, saying something about this.

ok i never said you had to. your the one that decided to be an asshole

“ok well you decided to be the most awkward individual ever and make everyone uncomfortable.” 

rude.

“so was you saying that earlier.”

STOP

“no. you decided to be mean. you said something mean and then denied it. because you refuse to take accountability and face consequences.”

not my fault shes annoying

“SHES TRYING. UNLIKE A CERTAIN SOMEONE HERE.”

yeah you. you’re the one not trying.

“...”

exactly

“i hate you.”

same

<3