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It’s nearly midnight, and Tim’s only just arrived home. Today was a long day. Not the usual kind of long – routine traffic stops, service calls, maybe breaking up a bar fight or two, and piles of reports to fill out. No, this is the kind of long that leaves you bone-weary, the tiredness seeping deep into your muscles and sitting heavy on your shoulders. And you want nothing more than to just sink into the bed and fall into a dreamless sleep, only to wake up the next day still exhausted. After today’s shootout, and spending all day listening to Nolan’s relentless chirping, Tim just needs a hot shower and some peace and quiet.
He’s in the kitchen filling a water glass when he hears Kojo whine, pacing back and forth by the front door. Confused as to who would be at his house at this hour – I swear, if Lopez needs me to do something else for her today… – he peers through the peephole and startles when he sees who it is.
Chen?
He hasn’t seen much of her these past couple of weeks. Now that they’re no longer riding together, they exchange little more than friendly smiles or passing greetings. He’d never admit it, but he misses her constant presence just a bit.
He unlocks the door and opens it, a slight furrow in his brow.
“Chen? What are you doing? It's late, you know?” Kojo’s restless behind him, still pacing impatiently. “Kojo, place.” As if sensing the shift in the air, the pitbull doesn’t protest.
“I know, I’m sorry.” She keeps her eyes trained on her shoes, scratching at one wrist with her hand, and he thinks he detects a slight tremor in her voice. His confusion begins to give way to unease.
“Hey, come in.” He pulls the door open further and steps to his right, allowing her space to enter. “Do you want something to drink?” She shakes her head, gaze still lowered. “Let’s go sit.”
He rounds the corner towards the living room, glancing back to make sure she’s following him. When he reaches the couch, he lowers himself onto the left cushion and gestures for her to take the spot next to him.
She sits down silently, still not having spoken a word since she came inside. By now, the unease has fully morphed into concern, which only grows when he realizes that she’s shaking. “What’s wrong?” She doesn’t answer. He leans in closer, but she’s refusing to meet his eyes.
He gently grabs her chin with his thumb and forefinger to turn her face towards his. “Lucy, talk to me.” When she finally looks at him, he notices her red, teary eyes and trembling lower lip. His heart drops into his stomach. He hasn’t seen her like this in a while. Not since right after…
It, his brain supplies unhelpfully.
“Hey…”
Just when he’s about to give up, she draws in a slow, shaky breath, and begins to speak. “Before I say anything, you need to promise me you won’t do anything.” That does nothing to ease his worry. “Chen-”
“-Just do it,” she urges. And he is, unfortunately, incapable of telling her no.
“Fine. I promise. Now out with it.”
She takes another deep breath before continuing. “So, I’m sure you’ve heard by now that they want me to go back in as the Chemist – don’t say anything right now, just let me get this out – and I said yes.” He nods, irritation clear on his face. “Well, since it’d be a long-term assignment, and I’m technically still untrained, and I’m going in alone this time,” – if she wants him to feel comfortable with it, she’s not selling her case well – “Harper spent all day putting me through tests, evaluating me to make sure I was ready. I aced them all with flying colors, and at the end of shift today she told me I had passed, and that she was done testing me. Well, I was walking to my car tonight, and — don’t freak out, okay? – these guys ambushed me. They took me to the ground and put a bag over my head.” Her voice is starting to shake again, and his eyes widen. He has an idea of where this is going, but surely...
“She, uh, she had me kidnapped…”
“She WHAT?!” Tim is fuming.
“Tim.” He’d promised her. “Just wait, I need to get this out.” He steels himself and nods for her to continue.
“-As a test. She needed to see how I’d react, and said that I did too. And she was right, I did. After it was over, she asked me if I still wanted this, and I told her yes. And I do, Tim, and I still think I’m ready. I was okay in the moment, and I handled myself just fine. But then I got in my car after, and I just- I couldn’t stop thinking, I couldn’t stop remembering all of it,” She was shaking badly now, hand pressing at her left side, her words tumbling out at the speed of her accelerating heartbeat. “For a moment, I thought it had happened again, that I was back there, and I- *sniff* - I just-” Her voice breaks on the last word, giving way to a strangled cry.
The floodgates open, and suddenly she’s sobbing uncontrollably, upper body collapsing in on itself as her arms wrap around her own waist protectively. The force of her shudders shakes the couch. Tim can’t watch her fall apart any longer, and with a lump forming in his own throat at her struggle, he pulls her in close and wraps his arms tight, grounding, around her upper back and shoulders.
She leans her full weight into him, burying her now-wet-with-tears face into the crook of his neck, hands coming up to grasp at the fabric of his t-shirt. He lowers his chin to the top of her head, where he can smell her fruity-floral shampoo he used to get lingering hints of sitting next to her in the shop. It’s pleasant and familiar, and he feels his own emotions brimming at the surface as he begins to shake with anger, furious at Harper for forcing Lucy to relive the raw and very-much-still-there trauma that was the worst day of her life. How could someone look at Lucy and intentionally do something that would bring her pain?
He holds her for an uncertain amount of time, until her sobs begin to quiet and her quakes turn to slight quivers. As she begins to come back into herself, she mutters an “I’m sorry”, wet lips brushing his collarbone. “It’s okay, Luce.” The unfamiliar nickname falls automatically from his lips as if it were something he said every day, and she smiles as it registers. He feels the tickle of her eyelashes against his skin as she blinks the last of her tears away, and pulls back to look him in the eyes. That’s when she notices, for the first time, that he’s shaking too. “Tim, are you okay?”
His gaze is fixed on a loose thread of the couch. “I’m gonna talk to her.”
“Tim, no. You promised.” She grabs his forearm lightly to emphasize her words.
“Lucy, that’s completely out of line,” he argues, meeting her eyes. “She didn’t train you, wasn’t there as you worked through all of that trauma off-shift. She doesn’t know what you need, how you might have reacted. What if you’d acted a little quicker, gotten hold of your off-duty piece, fired and killed one of those guys, Lucy?” he shakes his head quickly back and forth, raising one hand as he stresses his point. “You could’ve been looking at murder charges. It wasn’t a smart move for anyone involved, and Grey should hear about it.”
Lucy understands his frustrations and his anger. If she’s being honest, she’s a little angry, too. But she also gets what Nyla was trying to do, even if her methods were questionable.
“Tim, please.” She grabs his hand with both of hers. “If you say anything to anyone about this, it's gonna look like I ran crying to my T.O. about something that wasn’t his business, like I can’t fight my own battles. And I can. Please, Tim. Let it go.” She begs him.
With a heavy sigh, Tim eventually acquiesces. “Alright, Chen. I won’t say anything.”
“No death glares across the roll-call table either.”
“Ugh, fine.” Tim rolls his eyes. “I’ll forget you told me anything at all.”
“Thank you.” Shooting him a winning grin, she pulls her hands back into her lap and scoots back a bit, realizing how close they’d been sitting.
“Um, anyways,” she chuckles awkwardly as she pulls her gaze back to stare at his coffee table. “The whole thing, it rattled me a bit, clearly…” She waves both of her hands in the air, alluding to her recent breakdown, “but it hasn’t changed my mind. I know I can handle this op, and I know you don’t agree, but your opinion’s important to me, and I’d feel a little better if I had your support.” She glances at him briefly, eyebrows pressed together, before returning her gaze to the table. Her fingers fidget subtly, a habit he’s learned to recognize as one that emerges when she’s feeling nervous or vulnerable.
“Lucy, that’s not true. I know you can handle yourself, I trained you, and I told Grey as much when he asked for my input-”
“-You talked to him?” It’s news to her. She’d assumed Tim knew of her upcoming assignment, if only from hearsay, but she wasn't expecting Grey to talk to him about it. And she certainly wouldn’t have expected him to say anything favorable.
“He wanted to know, as your former training officer, if I thought you were ready for something like this. And I had my reservations, but I wasn’t going to stop you – though, I absolutely would’ve if I knew you couldn’t handle it…” he pauses, readjusting on the cushion before continuing. “I am sorry… for some of how I acted last time. My hang-ups with UC work shouldn’t be yours to deal with. And while I stand by my reasoning, I want to make it clear that I’m not upset with you. Grey asked if you were ready. I told him you were.”
He pauses. “You’re a good cop, Chen. You can do this. So, you have my approval, but you don’t need it anymore.” He gives her a small smile. She’s tearing up again.
She sucks in sharply through her nose and releases an exasperated laugh. “Damn it, I’m sorry.” They both chuckle. “Thanks,” she looks him in the eye. “I really needed to hear that.”
They share a brief moment of silence before Lucy speaks up again.
“I’m getting briefed tomorrow morning, and then I’m officially going under…” she trails off. “Nyla told me last night to get my affairs in order, and I guess it just didn’t feel right to leave without clearing the air here.” Tim silently agrees.
They let silence fall between them once more.
“Well, um, it's late, and I should go.” she says, standing up off the couch. “I still have a few things to do at home before I go.”
Tim stands with her. “I’ll walk you out.”
As they reach the front door, Lucy turns back to him.
“Look out for Tamara for me while I’m gone, will you?” she asks, a little pleading in her eyes.
“Sure thing, boot.” he accedes with a small nod.
“Not your boot, anymore.” She smiles, tilting her head in challenge.
“No, you’re not.” He doesn’t let his thoughts wander for too long about that. “You sure you’re okay?” He repeats, checking in with her one last time before she goes.
“I will be.” It’s as good as he’s gonna get.
“Well, my phone’s always on, so...” Tim wants her to know, even though he’s no longer her T.O., that he's still around. She smiles. He returns a tight-lipped one before reaching his arm out.
“Hey, come here.” He’s not sure why he does it, but as he draws her into his arms once more for a parting hug, it feels right. Her arms wrap around his torso and his find her upper back once more. He offers her a final few words of encouragement. “You’re gonna do great. Make me proud.” She already has, of course, but he keeps that to himself. No need to overinflate her ego.
“Thanks, Tim,” she replies, before pulling away. As she walks to her car, she turns back one last time and says, “See you soon.”
He smiles, a real one. “Counting on it, Lucy.” He shuts the door once she’s in the car, and hears Kojo whine again, clearly not happy that his second-favorite human is leaving so soon. “I know, buddy. I know.”
As she drives away, Lucy feels lighter than she has all day. She doesn’t dwell on the fact that when she gets back, his is the first face she wants to see.