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She tells herself to calm down as she marches over.
Approach with calculation.
Wills herself to take a breath.
But even as she recites that mentally, she feels her hands balling into fits at the surge of emotion brewing alongside the adrenaline.
She saw them by chance.
By chance.
Just because she just so happened to be heading to the elevator the moment they were leading Doctor Santos to a room.
She doesn’t feel calm, she feels angry.
"What the hell happened?" She asks the three doctors present while her focus is solely on the fourth doctor who is currently is on a bed, right hand to her left rib and has her eyes focused on the ceiling clearly trying to focus on doing breath exercises to manage the pain.
She'll congratulate herself later on the fact that it sounded cool and measured. Clinical even. Like this was normal, and she was almost unaffected.
(Almost.)
"Patient woke up. Very agitated-." The R2 starts, but McKay brings the stethoscope to her chest.
"Stop talking for a sec." Mckay says to the R2 as she listens to her lungs.
"-Became combative, physically aggressive and required physical restraints and chemical sedation for safety." Doctor Al-Hashimi builds not turning to Yolanda, her own eyes visually assessing Santos as Mckay continues her exam. Though informative, it's not the answer she was looking for so she turns to Robby who has his arms crossed and meets her gaze.
"Santos was the one to subdue him-"
"-But not without some damage." The R2 says wincing as Mckay now applies pressure to check for pain.
"Understatement. Doctor Santos here was pinned to the wall by her shoulder before she reversed it and both fell to the floor." Doctor Al Hashimi continues in her assessing tone. "Seemed like a martial arts move."
"I know how to defend myself." The R2 says face still facing the ceiling but closing her eyes in pain.
"Clearly." The other attending acknowledges with a gentle but affirming tone while the assessment continues. "Which practice?" She asks and Yolanda knows the attending is trying to distract Trinity from the pain, but clearly speaking is hard for younger Doctor and Yolanda feels her patience wearing thin.
"Krav Maga." Yolanda says in response and it seems to be the only thing to have broken the doctor's focus in the R2.
"Good to know." The attending says and Yolanda can feel the curious gaze in her periphery, like Doctor Al-Hashimi is filing more than one observation away mentally. "I don't recall paging a surgery consult for this, Dr. Robby did you?" She asks, not mean, rather curious and searching, only looking to Robby after she finishes her question. Yolanda only clenches her jaw and counts backwards from five as she feels Robby's gaze on her.
(Yolanda doesn't meet any of their gazes).
Thankfully the moment is broken when Mckay steps back and looks at the two attendings.
"Doctor Mckay, what do we got?" Robby asks.
"She’s got a non displaced rib fracture with a pretty decent contusion, but lungs look good no pneumo." Mckay starts and all of them hear Trinity's sigh of frustration.
"Shoulder exam is consistent with a partial cuff injury, probably supraspinatus, she’s got pain with abduction and weakness there-"
"-Blame years of fucking gymnastics." Trinity says again looking back at the ceiling, breathing controlled for the pain.
"Lip’s split but superficial, doesn’t cross the border, so we’re not too worried about cosmesis." Mckay says turning to look at the two attendings in presentation, but when her gaze finally landing on Yolanda's she feels understanding.
"Overall stable. This is all non operative, just pain control and follow up." To which Yolanda nods her assent and feels her hands balling into fists again to ground herself. With the overview she does the mental estimation:
Fractured rib
Injured Rotator cuff
Split Lip
Estimated recover: 4-6 Weeks with limited mobility
"Okay we're keeping you here for a bit." Robby says. "You know the drill Santos. We're gonna give you something to address the pain, and once that's under control-You'll have to give a statement-" He says looking up to catch the R2's eye as she finally levels her head to meet their gaze. "After that- We're going to observe you for a couple hours, ensure you can breathe properly and that there's no pneumothorax. Once your pain levels are manageable, you can head home."
"I noticed you left your emergency contact as blank-" Al Hashimi builds, "-is there anyone we can call for you?" And at the end of her question Yolanda hates how the younger doctor's jaw clenches, and refuses to meet her gaze.
"No." The R2 says quietly and Yolanda feels her own molars suffering from the clench of jaw.
"...I see...well we will have to discuss after care given your limited range of motion before your discharge-"
"-Dr. Robby-Incoming to Trauma One!" They hear from the hub, to which Robby turns to Al-Hashimi.
"You got this?" She nods with and Yolanda feels Robby's gaze on her.
"You coming Garcia?" He asks and at his question Trinity finally meets her gaze. She sees it then, the quiet reluctance.
Go.
The expectation that she’ll walk away.
She hates it, but given the current nature their situation(ship), it’s the norm.
And with the R2 there hurt, and not being able to reach out, the realization hits her like someone fractured her rib.
She wants that to change.
"Yeah I'm coming." She says to Robby but hopes she can convey what she can't say fully yet- not with others around.
"I'll be back Trinity." She says and she can't even stop the gentleness that escapes her.
Because Trinity Santos has a way of softening her in ways she refuses to acknowledge.
(Until now.)
"Sure." Is all she hears before she sprints after Robby.
It takes almost an hour for her to get back to the ED. After the handoff, she finds herself too antsy to take the elevator, and heading down the stairs instead.
She takes a breath before crossing the threshold of the ED, the mental prep again to ensure she comes in collected.
(Even if she feels the need to check on Trinity bubbling under the surface.)
She must not mask it as good as she thought because once she hits the central hub, Dana puts a hand to stop her and hands her an ice pack.
"She got moved to North 3, and refuses to sit still, stubborn as always.” She nods her head and makes her way quickly. When she opens the door and pulls back the curtain she sees Trinity leaning forward. She immediately moves to place the ice pack on the bed, and helps brace the R2's back.
"Pain scale?" She asks and notices the extent of the R2's grip.
“Five.” Is what Trinity says and Yolanda just hums in response.
"So a 7?" She says as the younger doctor looks up still controlling her breathing. The younger doctor just meets her gaze and nods in acceptance.
"Yeah 7."
"Okay- I'm going to help reposition you- on my count-" it takes a few minutes, but after some maneuvering she finally gets the R2 leaning back with the ice pack on her ribs and extra NSAIDS.
"Pain scale now?"
"Would you believe me if I say 3?"
"No- but that tells me we're now at an actual 5."
"Then yes, an actual 5." The R2 says with an exhale of a chuckle. Yolanda finds herself doing the same before looking back up at the monitor.
"Aren't you still on shift?" The R2 says breaking the silence and Yolanda can feel her gaze on her as she finishes checking the vitals.
"Have about an hour left.”
"Right." Trinity says looking down and thats when Yolanda looks sees blood still caking the finger nails of the R2's hands as she fiddles with her blanket.
"I'm gonna clean that up for you." She says, moving back to grab some gloves and filling a small basin with water.
"If you only have an hour left, you really don't need to stick around here.” The younger doctor says quietly as Yolanda moves the stool to the other side.
"What if I want to?" She replies sitting and gently taking Trinity's right hand and rinsing it. She feels the younger girl watch the movement for a moment, as the blood starts to come off.
"Didn't you have plans for tonight?” She asks.
"Had." Yolanda says as she wipes the first round of blood off. Satisfied with what came off, she lifts the hand closer to her face to observe for any minor cuts, and meets Trinity's eyes. "No major cuts, slight skin break.” She says before bringing it back down for another rinse. The younger girl just nods.
"Accomplishment of the day." Trinity says sarcastically leaning back fully with an exhale and Yolanda snorts feeling a warmth spread in her chest as she wipes the hand to dry, reaching for the younger doctor’s other one gently.
And It's peaceful for a moment. Sitting here focused on Trinity's hand, holding it, working on cleaning it while Trinity is finally relaxed head turned to observe her at work.
She relishes it.
Knows that there is still a plethora of things she wants to say, things they have to say to each other, so she won't take the moment of respite for granted.
She laughs internally to herself at just how gentle she becomes in proximity to the younger doctor.
(Figured that the younger doctor had a way of softening her even from her first day of setting foot in PMTC.)
“Did you… Did you cancel your plans because of me?” Trinity asks breaking the silence. Yolanda glances up briefly before focusing back to rinsing and somewhat nodding her head in affirmation.
“If I had?”
“I’m fine-” Trinity says.
“-Says the girl who is currently having a hard time breathing.” She says in reply, focusing on wiping the crusted blood off the lines of the younger doctor’s palms next.
“You didn’t have to.”
"I know. I wanted to." She says simply.
"You…You don't have to pretend you care." Trinity says quietly.
"Who said I'm pretending?" She replies in turn as she finishes drying the younger girl’s hand.
"You said we're just casual." Trinity says
"Yeah and you agreed.”
"You said you didn't want to talk about feelings."
"No- I specifically said I didn't want to talk about Langdon” She said standing up to dispose the water and disposing her gloves, when she turns back to the younger doctor she tilts her head. "I said if you wanted to talk about that again- it would be best to see a professional." At that Trinity scoffs.
"So you care about my physical well being but not emotional?" Trinity says with a self deprecating nod and Yolanda knows if the R2 was physically capable, she would also be crossing her arms. “You know that sounds so messed up Yolanda. No attachments, no strings attached, just casual, no need to care." The R2 finishes and Yolanda could hear it. The voice Trinity gets when one gets too close, like she’s rebuilding the proverbial wall that’s been between them.
Granted Yolanda finds that she can see from the R2’s perspective, but given the emotions that have ran rampart in her own chest the last few hours, and her own personal revelations on how much the R2 in front of her is starting to mean to her, she decides they might as well face this head on and try to smash said proverbial wall between them.
She’s never been a coward.
"Okay." She starts with a nod narrowing her eyes at the green eyed doctor in front of her. "Do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Care?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you care about me? Specifically in a non casual way?”
"I-" at that the younger girl turns her head in the other direction and Yolanda can spot the slight blush and Yolanda realizes two things.
One, no matter the feigned indifference, Trinity does indeed care.
Two, she’s definitely a goner for the green eyed doctor.
She also feels a new type of clarity, like she’s finally seeing past the wall the younger girl puts up.
"Trinity-" she says trying to keep the amusement in her voice to a minimum lest she sound cruel instead of making her own relief obvious. She reclaims her rolling stool and moves it beside the bed once more. "I have no problem letting you know how I feel, but I'd prefer you admit to feeling something at least."
“Honestly, what is it with you and huckleberry today." Trinity grumbles and Yolanda has to bite back her grin and the slight pout resting on the younger doctor’s lip.
"Well you tend to hold a lot of things close to the chest and believe it or not, you do it quite well." She says still trying to withhold a grin (and failing). "It is hard to read you sometimes." She says a little more seriously extending her hand on the bed.
An olive branch.
Trinity eyes follow it and narrows her gaze.
"You said you were only here for ramen and sex."
"I did. I don't deny that." She says, straightening a bit in the chair but hand still stretched, Hand still open, nodding her head in acknowledgement. "Consider this me revising that thought."
"What changed?" Trinity asks.
“Honestly? The thought of you hurt bothered me immensely." She says brown eyes meeting green head on. "And it bothered me even more when I was faced with the reality of never finding out." She says and she feels Trinity's hand tentatively close around her fingers and Yolanda the tension in her own shoulders release as her thumb caresses R2's knuckles.
“I mean, I’m okay-“
“A fractured rib, a rotator cuff gone to shit and split lip is not nothing Trinity.” She says more sternly. “And that fact that you had no one listed as your emergency contact? What if this didn’t happen at the hospital huh? What then?”
"Is that you asking to be my emergency contact Garcia?" Trinity asks with a light tone holding on and Yolanda in turn intertwines their fingers.
"Is that you asking me to be your emergency contact Santos?" She asks with the knowing tone.
"Are you ever going to give a straight answer?"
"Are you ever going to actually say how you feel?" She asks in turn with a level gaze and the younger doctor lets out a sigh. Yolanda just chuckles at her stubbornness.
"It's called communication Trinity, try it sometime. You might find it beneficial.” At that the younger doctor scoffs and rolls her eyes with exasperation.
"You're one to talk."
"Okay."
"Okay?" Trinity parrots back in confusion, and Yolanda leans in, resting her elbows on the bed grabbing the R2's hands with both of hers.
"Real Talk? I'll admit I care about you Trinity. She says, "I'll admit that I feel a pull to you that's hard to shake- I think ten months is proof of that-” She say in a manner like she's presenting but in a tone thats far from clinical, more so factual.
"-I'll admit that even though I made plans today- you were on my mind a lot.” She continues, “-I’ll even admit that I care enough to know that there are some wounds I am equipped to help heal-" she says eyes going to the bust lip and pointedly to Trinity's ribs, “-and that there is a line where you need to care enough to let a different type of professional assist.” She says gently, eyes briefly flitting over her left thigh and She knows Trinity understands what she means. The unspoken history she guards like ironclad. When she feels Trinity stiffen for a second, Yolanda softens the statement by bringing the younger girl's hand to her lips for a quick peck.
“That's… surprisingly a lot for a recent epiphany.” Trinity says watching their hands. Yolanda shrugs a shoulder.
“I’m very efficient when I sort through my thoughts. I’m very self-aware.”
“Mm. Must be nice.” Trinity retorts fiddling with her blanket once more, and at that Yolanda can’t help but snort. She turns her head to try to catch Trinity’s green eyes again.
“Trinity…” She starts again gently “-I also care about myself enough to find it reasonable that you can't expect or demand I go all in for someone who won't even admit or acknowledge there's something to fall into.” She finishes gently moving both their hands under her chin. Trinity watches the motion. It takes a beat but the younger doctor releases a sigh and nods.
“Hm? What was that? Was that acknowledgment?” Yolanda asks finally allowing her grin to show on her face and the younger doctor just sighs with more exasperation.
“Seems like it’s already a given” She mumbles in reply, turning her gaze clearly flustered to the point her heart monitor picks up speed.
“Use your words Trinity.” Yolanda says with a slightly sultry tone (very reminiscent of a few nights they’ve shared in the past) just to annoy the younger doctor all the more. She hits the nail on the head when in response Trinity’s eyes return to hers narrowed as the heart monitor does increase.
“You’re such a tease.”
“Takes one to know one.”
“So you admit it?”
“You like it.” At that- the younger girl just leaned her head back and sighed taking her in.
“Yeah I do-” She says, “like you.” Trinity says and Yolanda smiles in response. “…. and yeah care about you too... beyond, you know, casual.” She says mumbling the last part. It elicits a teasing grin from her.
“See, was that so hard?”
“Excruciating.” Trinity says deadpanned and it actually gets a chuckle out of her as she stands from the stool to plant a kiss on R2’s forehead.
“Let’s hope healthy communication doesn't feel like the worse option.” She says.
“You’re my exception.” Trinity replies tilting her head up, and Yolanda meets her half way.
A gentle press given the split lip.
A reassurance that I’m here.
You’re my exception too.
“So. Does that mean you care enough to list me as your emergency contact? No pressure of course- always your choice.” She asks when they pull away.
“Did it really bother you that much?”
“Yes. Yes it did.” She says and it’s Trinity now who tentatively lifts their joined hands to press a soft kiss at her knuckle.
“Okay. I’ll tell them when it’s time for discharge.” She says nodding her head.
“Thank you.” She says, squeezing their joined hands to emphasize her gratitude.
"Although full warning, Dr. Al-Hashimi already has her suspicions." Trinity says after a beat. At that Yolanda just rolls her eyes and scoffs.
"Worth the trouble." At that Trinity grins.
"Yeah?" The younger doctor asks hopeful.
"Yeah." Yolanda says in affirmation. “I'll just grab my stuff and rush back down for discharge. I’ll be coming over to help. The next two weeks are going to be brutal.”
“Wow who knew you were such a softie.” Trinity says to which Yolanda scoffs.
“Please. I am not a softie, I have a soft spot - there is a difference.”
“Uhuh. I wonder what people would say if they ever found out.”
“Like they would believe you. I'm the one with a knife collection.”
“True…” Trinity says “But are you sure you really want to deal with all this recovery? It might be messy.” Trinity asks seriously, banter aside, and Yolanda knows she’s referring to the recent injuries yes, but also everything they have yet to discuss.
Like scars, and heavy pasts.
But also possibly, recovery and hopeful tomorrows too.
“Yeah. I'm sure.”