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The studio is filled with a quiet hum of music and keys clicking, the noise is familiar and usually comforting for Jisung, but today his brain just would not be quiet.
He woke up this morning sweaty and panicked for some godforsaken reason, mouth dry and heart racing. His brain had that familiar fuzzy feeling, and it was so tempting to just give in and ignore all his responsibilities for the day. But as he picked up his phone and read a couple of texts, he knew he wasn’t getting off that easy.
A text from Minho read
min <3
(07:26 am)
I had to help Lix and Jinnie with some
of the choreo today
I’ll see you later bug, I love you
another text from Chan
channie hyung
(08:05 am)
Don’t forget about our studio meeting
today at 9!
He looked at the time and groaned. 8:20 am. Damn him for forgetting to set an alarm. Despite his limbs feeling heavy, he dragged himself out of bed and to the kitchen for a glass of water, gulping it down like he’s been stuck in a desert for days. He left the cup in the sink, Minho will probably scold him for it later, but right now his goal is being presentable enough to walk out of the door.
He drags his heavy feet to the bathroom and makes quick business of freshening up and getting dressed before finally tugging his shoes on and walking out the door with a whopping 10 minutes to get to the studio. He was already exhausted even though he just woke up, and he dreaded the thought of facing the whole day ahead of him.
So, present him has been sitting on the cold leather couch of the studio, trying his hardest to come up with lyrics good enough to present to the company all while his brain continues going fuzzy around the edges. He wishes Minho were there to hold him, to feed him the breakfast he forgot to eat and to take the world off of his shoulders.
“Sung, what have you written down?” Chan's voice snaps him out of his reverie. He blinks a couple of times before replying, “Uh, i’m sorry hyung i haven’t been able to come up with much.” He looked at chan with a sheepish smile.
Changbin looks up from his computer and smiles, “Yah, what have you been doing for the last hour?” Jisung looks down at his lap, he knows Changbin and Chan aren’t mad at him, he knows Changbin is joking around like he always does, but his eyes still sting a little when he lets out a strained laugh. He really wants Minho here.
“By the way Jisungie, Minho, Hyunjin, and Felix will be stopping in later to record some of their lines. they will be here around 12 or so.” Chan says before turning back to his laptop and typing furiously. He hopes they bring some lunch. At least he will see Minho, maybe that will help his brain calm down until he can get home and slip.
The three of them work in relative silence until they hear a knock at the door, Chan shouted a ‘come in’ and the door opens. Felix, Hyunjin, and Minho walked in carrying a couple bags of what smelled like take out. The smell of food got Changbin's attention, and just like the drama queen he is, he started yelling his praises to the trio that walked in.
Minho came and sat next to Jisung, who instantly melted into his side. “How are you, jagi? i haven’t heard from you all day.” Jisung hummed and replied “Sorry hyung, m’ heads been fuzzy since I woke up and i just want to go home.”
Minho stroked his hair and asked “Do you think you’ll slip today, bug? It’s been a while.” Jisung nodded and closed his eyes, breathing in Minho's comforting scent. He didn’t even realize the fuzziness in his head pushing to the front, he just wanted Minho to stay right next to him.
The other 5 started chatting about this and that while they plated the food. Jisung didn’t even realize what was happening until Minho gently said to him “Here bug, you need to eat.” and a plate was set in his hands. He opened his eyes at that and took the chopsticks being handed to him. He didn’t really want to move from Minho's space, but in order to use his arm he needed to sit up better.
He shakily held his chopsticks and started eating, the task proving to be mildly difficult. His brain felt like sludge and his body was getting there too, he really really just wanted to curl up in bed with Minho. He frowned and tears started welling up in his eyes, his vision went blurry as he tried to eat his noodles. The other members around him were laughing and joking around about something Jisung completely missed.
Jisung sniffled a little bit, catching the attention of Minho. “Jagi? hey, what’s going on?” he asked quietly, avoiding drawing attention to Jisung. Jisung just shook his head and put his plate down, knowing if he let the dam break now, a whole waterfall would ensue. “Sung..” Minho started, but didn’t finish the sentence. Instead, he pulled him into his side and let him relax.
Chan and Changbin cleaned up the leftover food before pulling Hyunjin over to look over his lines before sending him in to record. Jisung lost track of time after that, his brain riding on warm fuzziness and minhos gentle touch. Evidently, enough time passed for Hyunjin and Felix to finish their lines and be cleared to go home, leaving Minho to record.
“Minho, it’s your turn for your lines, once you finish we should all be able to call it a day,” Chan announced. At some unknown point to jisung, he had completely slipped into his headspace. When Minho went to get up and walk to the recording booth, Jisung shot up and grabbed his hand, whining softly. “I have to go record, bug. I’ll be done before you know it,”
Jisung didn’t let go however, he just kept his grip tight while his eyes filled with hot tears. He didn’t want Minho to go, he wanted him next to him. The recording booth felt miles away. Minho took one good look at jisungs eyes and body language and realized he had slipped completely. In the studio. With Chan and Changbin who weren’t aware of Jisung’s headspace, probably weren’t aware of what little space was in general.
Chan turned to look at Minho, wondering why he wasn’t coming to record his lines. Minho sharply said “we will be right back guys.” Not offering any further explanation before pulling Jisung with him out of the room and beelining to the private bathroom.
Once the door was closed and locked safely, Minho turned to Jisung and cradled his face, “Baby, what’s got you so upset, hm? I’m sorry i didn’t realize you slipped sooner, I thought you were just a sleepy bug.” Jisung stumbled forward and buried his face in Minho's chest, hand gripping the fabric of his shirt.
“m’ sorry ‘yung, didn’ realize either,” Jisung slurred, voice muffled by Minho’s shirt. Minho stroked his back and hair and for some reason that just broke Jisung. He started to cry, tears spilling down his cheeks and shoulders wracked with sobs. Minho shushed him and rocked him side to side but nothing seemed to stop the sobs.
“i din’t wan’ you to go ‘yung, din’t wanna be alone,” Jisung cried. “Sungie, angel, i wasn’t going to leave you, i was just going to record my lines, just a few meters away.” Jisung shook his head and continued sobbing, nothing seeming to calm him down. The distress seemed to have pushed him into an even younger mindset than it already was.
Just as the sobs seemed to turn into quiet gasps, a knock on the door came. “Min? Jisungie? Are you guys okay?” Chan’s worried voice cut through the door. Shit. Here Minho was with a crying little in his arms and his leader was asking what was going on. Jisung didn’t want to tell anyone about being a little for fear of them judging, but Minho was getting concerned he may have no choice.
“Bug, i need you to listen to me and try to understand, okay?” Jisung hiccuped and nodded, “Channie hyung is asking questions and i know you don’t want to tell anyone, i know. Butright now, what’s probably best for all of us is if we tell him, okay sweetheart?”
Jisung tensed up at his words but thankfully must have decided to put his trust in Minho’s hands. “We are gonna have to go back to the studio for privacy and Binnie will be there too, sungbaby, is it okay if both of them know?”
Jisung once again gave a nonverbal confirmation and Minho gave him a kiss on the forehead with a whispered “I'm proud of you.” before opening the bathroom door. Chan was standing anxiously outside of it, looking almost ready to break the door down. He gave Minho and Jisung a scan and took in Jisung’s red, tear-stained face and Minho’s wet shirt.
Just as he was opening his mouth to speak, Minho spoke lowly, “Can we talk in the studio, hyung?” Chan shut his mouth and gave a shaky nod before walking down the hallway to the studio, assuming the other two were following.
The studio door opened, Chan walked in first and Changbin's head shot up, “Did you find them, hyung?” Minho and Jisung walked in right after, Changbin took a quick glance at them before he said “what-“ his sentence was cut off by Chan giving him a look. Chan took a seat in his chair and the other two sat on the couch, Jisung practically stuck to Minho the whole time.
There was a pause of silence before Minho started, “so- this is a lot to explain and will need your full open mind. Jisung has been worried about telling you guys this for fear you’ll judge him, but i trust you’ll accept him.” he gave a sharp look. Chan and Changbin straightened up in their seats and nodded.
“Okay, have either of you ever heard of age regression?” Minho asked, earning a confused look and a head shake. “Age regression is a coping mechanism where someone’s brain reverts back to a child’s state of mind. It’s often used to manage stress and trauma,” he continues “it can be voluntary or involuntary, meaning sometimes it can be done intentionally for stress relief, or unintentionally as the brains way of protecting itself,
in this childlike state of mind, also called little space, the individual will act like, well, a child. speech, motor skills, emotional processing, it’s all that of a child,” Minho adds.
“People who regress are known as littles. Littles often have someone who takes care of them, helping them with things they may not be able to do, as well as providing comfort. These people are known as caregivers,” Minho pauses and asks “Any questions so far?” Chan and Changbin take a breath and think for a second, before shaking their heads and waiting for the rest.
“Our Jisungie here is a little, he regresses to cope with his stress and anxiety and it’s proved incredibly helpful for him. When he is little, i am his caregiver, i keep him safe and loved while he is in this incredibly vulnerable state. Usually we keep him in a consistent schedule to regress so that he is stress free and no accidental slips happen, but today it seems the day was too big and he involuntarily regressed.” Minho finishes, looking down at Jisung, who is curled up into his side obviously anxiously awaiting what the other two will say.
There’s silence for a second while they process the information, but no judgement is held on their faces. It’s Changbin who breaks the silence, “so when he’s- like, little, is there a set age or something?” Minho shakes his head and responds “No, for every little it’s different and sometimes different every day, Sung has a range of 2-5 years old. Today he’s tiny, probably around 2 or 3.” Changbin nods in understanding, going back to thinking for a minute.
Chan has been quiet for a few minutes, Jisung obviously getting more anxious as the seconds tick by. he starts to fidget and looks up at Minho, “Appa, Channie-hyung mad?” he asks sadly, tears in his eyes again.
Changbin’s eyebrows furrow as he mouths the word ‘appa’ but Chan interjects anything he was going to say with a loud “No! absolutely not! i’m not mad or upset or anything Sungie, i’m really happy you’ve found something to help you. I don’t understand it all 100 percent yet but i would like to try, and im glad you’ve found someone safe to help you as well.”
Changbin announces his agreement with what Chan is saying and Minho smiles at both of them. Jisung looks at them both with big eyes and mumbles a ‘thank you’ while he buries his face in Minho’s chest bashfully.
“I really don’t want to have to rush the conversation but we do unfortunately need you to record your parts today, Minho,” Chan smiled apologetically. Minho made a noise of agreement and turned to Jisung.
“Bug, I really do have to record my parts, it won’t take long i promise. but i need you to sit without me for a few minutes.” Jisung pouted and shook his head, his grip on Minho’s entire arm tightening. Minho sighed, he really wasn’t sure how to reason with a stubborn two-year-old.
“Sweetheart, can you sit next to your hyungs while i record?” Minho attempted again, catching Chan and Changbin's eyes who nodded once, jisung just looked him in the eyes with furrowed brows and spoke in slurred words, “bu’ appa, don’ wan’ you to leave, i’ll be sad,” he frowned deeply.
“Sungie, I have your emergency bag, if we get it out, can you sit next to your hyungs so appa can do the work he has to?” Minho tried to bargain. Jisung frowned and seemed to consider for a second. eventually, he nodded and kept himself stuck to minho as they grabbed his bag.
Inside Minho’s bag there was a black bag that looked inconspicuous, but when he opened it he pulled a couple of small things out. He pulled out a small cat plush, one that Minho had bought him when he first found out about his regression. Next, he pulled out a case, inside the case was a pacifier. Very simple, just a light green.
Minho got off the couch to kneel in front of Jisung and hand him the plushie, which he took and cradled gently in his arms. last he held the pacifier up, Jisung opening his mouth just enough to slide it in. Minho pushed the hair out of his eyes and give him a kiss on the nose. “I love you, bug.”
Jisung leaned into his touch and replied a very muffled “‘ove you ‘oo,” Minho stood and grabbed Jisung’s hands, pulling him gently to stand and move him to the chair in between Chan and Changbin. Minho set him on the chair and shrugged his hoodie off to wrap around Jisung like a blanket.
“Okay angel, i’m gonna record, you sit very nicely here, okay? Channie Hyung and Binnie will take good care of you,” Minho reassured with a gentle kiss to his forehead. Jisung frowned a little but nodded, letting Minho go. Minho sighed a little in relief and hurried into the recording booth.
Jisung sat very still for a couple minutes before getting antsy and poking at things on the desk. Jisung found a piece of paper and seemed to be staring at it intently, Changbin turned to him and very gently said, “Jisungie, do you want a pen? you can draw if you want.” Jisung looked shocked he was talking to him before nodding excitedly.
Changbin smiled softly and found a few colored pens, setting them right next to the paper Jisung had. However, Minho was not lying when he said motor skills are affected by little space. Jisung seemed to be struggling to get the cap off of his pen and was looking at it like it insulted him.
Changbin looked at him and saw his struggle before gently taking the pen out of his hands and opening the cap, handing it back silently. Jisung kicked his legs under the chair and started drawing. It was about what you’d expect from a 2-year-old. When he wanted another color he would hand the pen to Changbin, who would open it for him.
After a couple of minutes of drawing, Jisung put his pens down and picked up the paper before shoving it in Changbin's face. He was obviously excited, and his excitement was contagious enough to make Changbin smile and ask “What’d you draw, buddy?” Jisung took his pacifier out and put the paper down.
He began pointing at drawings on the paper, “this ‘s you, an’ Channie-‘yung and appa,” he points to one last person in the middle of the group, “an’ this ‘s Jisungie!” he smiles a wide, gummy smile. Changbin feels an intense fondness run through his body, and says softly “I love it, buddy, are you going to give it to your appa?” It felt weird to call Minho that, but it made Jisung smile so it was a small price to pay.
Jisung giggled and shook his head, “nooo silly! ‘s for you!” he shoved the paper into changbins space again. Changbin felt his heart swell and he smiled a watery smile, “Really? Thank you, buddy, i’ll hang it in my bedroom at home.” Jisung cheered a little.
Minho was finally done with his lines, it really hadn’t taken long at all but he missed his bug too. he walked out the room and took in the big smile on Jisung’s face. He knew he would fit right in and his hyungs would accept him. After all, he’s their baby brother.
Jisung looked up and saw Minho, he shot straight out of his chair and shouted “appa!” before running into his arms. He giggled and said “missed you” Minho hugged him tight, “I missed you too baby bug. Let’ get you home now, yeah?”
Jisung nodded but said in a small voice, “ca’ i play with Channie-'yung and Binnie-'yung one day though?” Minho blinked and looked up at the other two, who just gave a big smile. Minho smiled back and said, “Of course, honey.”
Chan and Changbin saved all their files and shut the computers down. Changbin stood up, gathering his things, including his drawing that felt like a treasure to him. Minho was curious and inquired “What’s that paper for, bin?”
Changbin smiled wide and held it up proudly, explaining it was a gift from his little brother and that he’s going to hang it on his bedroom wall at home. Chan gawked and exclaimed, “I want a drawing from sungie! That’s not fair!” Changbin just stuck his tongue out at him and continued cleaning the stuff left in the studio.
Once they were all packed up and ready to go, they called their respective rides. Minho gave a tight hug to Chan and Changbin, taking them by surprise. Minho never hugs anyone but Jisung. “Thank you guys for accepting him, this has been plaguing him for a while and it’s nice to see him feel so safe.” he looked over at his tiny bug, who had a blinding smile on his face.
“It’s time for dinner and a bath, he’s had a long day. Right, Jagi?” Jisung nodded, his smile was still there but you could tell he was getting sleepy. It was time to go home before dealing with a grumpy toddler at the studio.
As they were about to walk out the door, Chan and Changbin each gave Jisung a hug and a little kiss on his head. “He’s precious Minho, thank you for taking care of him. He deserves it.” Chan smiled brightly.
As they walked out the doors, Jisung gave a small ‘bye bye’ and a wave before they all departed. In the backseat of the car, Jisung is curled up into Minho’s side, fighting sleep. eternally his clingy little bug, stuck to him like glue. Not that he’s complaining, his little bug completes him.
binnie-hyung (+2)
(16:22 pm)
(1 attachment)
It’s hung above my desk now
Thank you jisungie <3