Archive of Our Own

“Let’s go, Tianlu.”

“Ah, coming…!”

He hasn’t acquired enough possessions that he cares about to take with him away. Really, he had the bed in the doghouse, and some merchandise Tuye gave him. He already finished all the Cintamani jewels Tubaoshu gifted for him to eat on the way; and the other parting gifts are safely in Bixie’s arm, who waits for him on the back of the qilin. He is patient at the best of times, but Tianlu has already made him wait for a while, claiming to have forgotten something. Outside, he can hear them talking to each other.

Sibuxiang stands at the doorway, somewhat stiff. Ever since the qilin had come back, Tianlu had only ever seen him in that way, trying to avoid anyone, including him. Which has irritated him, because that meant they hadn’t spent any time together in days. How long has it been, really? It’s been a blur, so many people (namely qilin) coming to visit to gawk at their eldest brother, who in turn lavished generous affection on each of them with utter joy. The only good thing is that none of them liked food like normal animals, hence at least, this time, Tianlu did not starve in lieu of guests.

There is an extended pause as he stares at the deer expectantly. Sibuxiang’s face is difficult to read. His eyebrows, a pair of clean brown lines rest somewhat uneasily, a hint of weariness in his amber eyes, and his mouth cast in a neutral line. It’s odd, but Tianlu is usually smiling too, and he realizes he must look so strange. So he smiles and waves. 

“Bye, Sibuxiang!”

He raises one hand almost hesitantly in response. But in the end, the deer smiles too, though he’s never seen such an expression with his eyes revealed, so Tianlu is slightly taken off guard.

“Bye, Pipi. Visit me sometimes.”

Tianlu hops into his brother’s lap. It’s a bit more secure this way, him as a small, but not too small, pixiu, while Bixie has an adequate handle on their rather reckless driver. In an instant, with the scent of morning dew, the pang of grass after a rainy night as dawn breaks, they are far above the store– Bixie doesn’t look back, and neither does the qilin, who is more focused on carefully crossing the mountain range. But the youngest brother does, and he sees that Deerman’s disappears quickly underneath the cover of thin clouds, though he can still see through the patches in them; a bright spot of gold in the sun, like blond hair almost red, vanishing into it.

He rests his head in his brother’s chest. And after a thousand kilometers must have passed, he jolts up– he did forget something! The bowl and spoon Sibuxiang made for him… ah, he truly hopes that in a few thousand years, Shiqilin and Yuqilin have somehow discovered the art of cooking mortal cuisine. 

…

Sibuxiang goes back to his daily life without problems. After all, he’d lived longer without Tianlu than with him, no? And with the true SibuXiang gone, the tension has left his shoulders, and he can finally sigh in relief and lay down on his own couch without crippling anxiety preventing him from breathing calmly. The cushions welcome him and he reaches for his long neglected newspaper stack and the pencil at the bottom of the pile from weeks ago. No inspiration strikes him for about seventeen columns and rows, and so he puts it aside and closes his eyes.

There’s nothing to do. A good thing. 

Until dinner, he takes a walk through the considerably more peaceful and yet also much more populated woods. The store is closed today, and Meimei is at his classes, everyone else doing whatever it is they do when they have no work. He considers dropping by to visit the divine residents of this mountain, but then he realizes they would likely ask about the qilin and the pixius, only a week having passed, so he deftly avoids the next brightly colored beast that peeks out the corner behind a tree, and goes back before even a quarter of an hour has passed, not as refreshed but rather slightly sweaty from all the sudden bursts of energy he used.

The store is still spotless, surprisingly, so he smokes on the porch and after that pipe burns out, he decides to start preparing dinner early. It’s the one thing about waking up early he resents– to go to bed before it’s dark is unfortunately rather uncouth, not that he cares, but there’s only so much he can do to wait until it’s dark and finally comfortable enough to rest. What’s for dinner? He opens the fridge, well-stocked, and notes as he puts out a few frozen chickens that someone should go out for groceries sooner or later. So much has happened, he hasn’t taken his time to cook in a while. 

A pot is halfway full of diced chicken by the time the fox pops into the kitchen. Meimei flicks his ears and washes his hands in the sink diligently, audibly counting the steps under his breath. For such an ambitious, cunning creature, he is incredibly hardworking. Once he has dried his hands, he hops off the stool and moves it to Sibuxiang's side to peer at the pot.

“Back from your lessons?” He asks, as adults ask children, still slicing chicken flesh. “I feel like you're back a little late. This store is so dependent on you now, it might go bankrupt if anything happens to you.”

Meimei hums, moving quickly around the kitchen with the slight screech of the stool the only indication of a lightfooted fox's presence alongside the opening and closing of the fridge and the drawers. Once he's peeled the onions and garlic, Sibuxiang is finally done with the chicken. He shakes his right hand, feeling the ache. The boy finishes his own cutting in a flash, well accustomed to every job in the store. Sibuxiang ought to reward him more. What was it he wanted to integrate into? Meimei sweeps the relish into the bowl and it lands without making any change in the surface. 

“Hm? Grab a few more onions.” Sibuxiang waves to the fridge. 

“Huh, boss Si, you used too much chicken! Who's going to eat all thi- ah, I mean…” His black-tipped ears stand upright before folding back into his red hair. “I think we can send some to Lizhi's husband and maybe call Hetao over before he starts making dinner. Or we can reheat the rest for breakfast tomorrow with everyone, hm?”

Sibuxiang's shoulders fall as he realizes his mistake. He had prepared too much food when not even everyone eats this sort of meal, and the primary recipient of meat-based dinners has left for a while. It's a waste of money. “Ah, I forgot. Well, we can invite– no, I have a headache. Can't we just freeze the rest?”

“Um, I already put some seasoning in, so I don't think-”

The deer pinches the bridge of his nose and is once again surprised by the unobstructed feel of his own skin. “Alright, you do what you think is best. I need to take something…”

He turns to the medicine cabinet. Every cabinet and shelf is made of real wood, and they are made by divine beast's paws. So they haven't been replaced in decades, until his most unruly client became his employee. He opens the wrong one and reaches blindly just for his knuckles to hit more wood. Did Meimei reorganize everything? It seems he's also already put away the bowl of that former guest. Sibuxiang frowns. It is how it should be, but he used to keep the medicine in here, so he moves on with a sigh.

Whether or not the painkiller worked, he has dinner without problems, the only one being that the seats have changed slightly at the table with a missing occupant. Since this is no longer his permanent residence, it's only natural that the remaining residents would move up a few chairs, trying which is the best position for everyone. A bit spacious, perhaps? Not really, there are so many new animals that it makes little difference if one of the smallest has left. Sibuxiang picks at his usual serving, wondering what is so different about today. 

It's only been a week, could he be missing his companion this much? The lifespan of true mythical beasts more often than not extend in centuries, not days. For Tianlu, Bixie and SibuXiang, Jinjiao and Yinjiao, Tubaoshu, maybe even Tuye and Hetao and Fuku, five centuries is a short time. After removing the mask, the deer has felt each hour ticking by. It must be to do with the fading essence of the qilin losing contact with his body, reverting to his nature. Yes, he is still a deer spirit, but he is no longer imbued with the abundant energy and treasures of a qilin. His duties are mundane, his wishes insignificant.

He wonders if the pain in his bones will leave or become worse, imprinted in his being like chronic illness. 

Sibuxiang goes fishing another week later on a day with wonderful weather. Not too sunny that he’d be constantly squinting without the natural shade of the mask, and not too cold that he would feel a chill after an hour or two of sitting. Tuye carries everything, even if he didn’t ask him to, which he feels is out of pity or worry. The rabbit is not stupid. And he is still the person who knows him best as ‘Sibuxiang’ and not anyone else. So he might be thinking about the same thing as him.

The line weight of his old rod is perfect. Everything someone uses becomes more familiar and therefore much better than something brand new or too worn at some point. This is at that golden spot, and he savors the feel of the bamboo in his palm, feels the taper’s infinitesimal wear, and takes his seat with a sigh of satisfaction. Fishing will clear his mind and help him forget about everything. Hm, that’s not a good way to phrase it. Forgetting is not always a good thing.

He fishes enough that he seamlessly comes into the habit, and his concentration and thoughts can flow like the river that pours into this lake. Just let it go and stop thinking about it. The lure glints faintly from underneath the clear water’s surface, and after some moments, there are even the glimmer of fish’s scales with the faintest motions that are merely natural in the lake. A slight wavering of these small waves, the rippling of every animal and plant that lives inside. His bait tugs, and he waits– and it tugs, and he pulls.

“Ohh, nice one! It’s pretty big too~” Tuye applauds his catch, quickly taking a picture. “Looks like a gizzard shad. Gonna take it home?”

Sibuxiang stares at the fish. “I-” Then he remembers he shouldn’t think about it. It’s only been two weeks, he doesn’t need to start preparing ingredients for any visits any time soon. He said he would visit, right? The qilin told him he’ll drop the ‘blue circle’ off whenever he wished, so it could be any time, but two days ago, Jinjiao mentioned something about how Tubaoshu almost accidentally came over for her monthly visit, and laughed it off. “-I don’t need any more fish.”

He thinks he’s brushed it off quite nonchalantly.

“Sibuxiang, you don’t have to pretend with me…”

Well, damn, is he that obvious? In hindsight, maybe he did knit his eyebrows. Attempting to smooth them with his hand for some reason, he wonders how many obvious expressions he made with the top half of his face without himself realizing how stuck to the habit of the mask he is. It would certainly explain some strange encounters with his employees. Balingjun kept offering him stress-relief tea. Maybe that’s why. Who knows? Not him. The only mirror is in the bathroom and another one in Meimei’s pocket. He’s definitely never selling mirrors again after what happened last time…

“I’m not pretending, Tuye.” He glances up. “Do I look angry?”

The rabbit tilts his head to the side. “A little sad, actually. With a hint of frustration and confusion… Ah, now you look scary! I didn’t know your eyes were so expressive, Sisi, I’m getting goosebumps~”

Groaning, Sibuxiang flops back on his chair and tilts his head back. “I’m not sad. It’s just spring. Don’t you know there’s a word for it in Mongolian? Something like spring syndrome. Everything just aches nowadays, and my mood is a mess. So is yours, right?”

“Ehh, well, I guess that makes sense! My coworkers talk about more exhaustion in spring, I ran a company research and found that despite spring having the most average load of work in the four season cycle, most employees think that spring has the most amount of labor and exhaustive duties, and has the most sick days, etc. Fuku actually reviewed that one with me while I was meeting with Tubaoshu, and– uh, no, you’re distracting me again! Tsk, you sly deer…”

Sibuxiang closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep.

“Sisi, you insult me… I can tell when you’re missing Pipi. I miss him too. The last time he left, I remember you even cried. Agh, that ungrateful little boy! Uhm, I still don’t know the details of that whole thing.” 

A fish randomly flops against the shore before finding its way back into the water. 

“I’ll tell you the next time we go drinking, but if I get struck down by heaven for it, that’s on you. Anyway, I don’t miss him that bad. That’s…” He definitely doesn’t feel like crying about it for sure, last time was an entirely different situation when he thought that he would be gone forever, that Tianlu felt too betrayed to ever see him with his cheerful eyes again. What season was it that time? No matter what, he remembers being unable to do anything with any sort of passion for months. No, it was more than a year, wasn’t it? He survived that just fine, even if he didn’t do anything and he doesn't want to do anything this time. This time, he simply went back to his own home. “I thought he’d never come back.”

Tuye hums. He reels in his empty lure, probably because he kept talking about his company research and moving around his arms to capture attention as if he was presenting in front of a crowd and scaring the fish. “Well, this time, he’ll come back. Maybe it’s so far that he doesn’t want to trouble the other SibuXiang all the time.”

They shudder at the same time. “SibuXiang scares me.”

“I agree… he’s so tall. And he’s always smiling a weird smile. Not like he’s actually always happy…”

“Haha, you’re great at reading your clients. I’m glad you agree. Because if it was just me or you, that fool might’ve gotten struck down by heaven. He’s the favorite child of the sky, after all.” Tuye shows surprise at this, and then quickly pats down his expression. Both glancing at the still-clear sky, and then laughing. A bit of the weight falls from his chest, and he feels like he can pick up the fishing rod without his wrists aching again. “Hmm, okay, I’ll try one more time.”

…

The residence of the first Qilin family has become quite modern. There’s a house now, where there was almost nothing but empty space. And there’s a lot of eggs in the house. Tianlu is instructed to help them hatch whenever he can, and sometimes, Shiqilin will still try to sneak a few away to other divine beasts to nurture them with their essence. It would be a good idea, if only he didn’t do it secretly, and his wife didn’t hit him over the head every time she caught him. That much is deserved, though.

Bixie seems happier here than he was before. There are less people, for starters, and this region is so spacious, he can always be uninhibited. Though there’s a very, very small amount of predator animals and slight dangers… that much is easily handled by them both. Bixie has actually calmed down so much, it’s odd to see, but it’s a good change. 

“Are you hungry?” He will ask Tianlu every day, once or twice, putting his arm around his neck or shoulders or waist, depending on how he finds his brother, nudging their heads together, sniffing his fur, or whatever is the most convenient way to make sure he’s whole. “What do you want to eat today?” He’ll offer him the choice too, and Tianlu is always looking forward to this time of day. He’ll respond, smiling, with whatever meal or sort of treasure he craves, and wags his tail, to which his brother responds by taking him along to wherever they can find it.

Unfortunately, the qilins can’t cook, but Bixie established a kitchen with some of his chicken followers’ help very quickly. And Tianlu has the joyful experience of watching him work around, and tasting any ingredient he wants. He’s really good at it. “When did you learn how to cook, Bixie?”

Bixie kneads the dough without a hint of effort, and with the same seamless, practiced motions, he makes flat little circles all over the cutting board. His hands move fast and his eyes barely seem to be necessary, as he looks to his brother each time he speaks to him.

“Six months ago.” Tianlu jolts. They were inseparable ever since he came out of hiding, so how did he miss that? “After I didn’t have to live with my parents- ahem, Lizhi and Zhuangzhuang anymore, I spent all my time when you were busy or sleeping asking the residents how to cook.” Could it be that– “For you, of course, so that you wouldn’t have cravings after we left the store.”

Tianlu’s face falls a little. It’s such a sore spot. He didn’t like the qilins asking him about the store that their son supposedly used to own. And he doesn’t like how SibuXiang the qilin walks as if he did not lie about his absence to them, his hands behind his back, humming without shame, right into the makeshift kitchen room. Thankfully, though, this distracts Bixie from seeing any change in his expression. He doesn’t want him to worry, he doesn’t want him to ever think about the past ever again. What he has now is an endless, happy life with his mate.

“Oh, my flower is cooking again! What’s on the menu tonight?” It’s also a little baffling how many modern phrases he seems to use. Is he always on his phone or reading modern novels when he isn’t looking? He nuzzles his face into Bixie’s, who almost pouts but does it back anyway. “Can I help? Can I taste it?”

“Shoo, you’re terrible in the kitchen. Just sit and wait patiently.” Bixie huffs, hitting his reaching hand lightly with the rolling pin. Tianlu watches as he fakes a whine and pulls a chair next to him anyway, his tail swaying behind him, the fluffy tip brushing against the floor each time and creating a rhythmic sound. Tianlu’s feet don’t reach the ground. Maybe he should use a taller form, but he’s so used to this body at this point, and it is too much of a hassle to change the way he permanently looks, right? There’ll be so much ‘I didn’t recognize you' and ‘How does this feel’ and, admittedly, ‘You look different’… “I’ll make vegetarian baozi for you.”

SibuXiang looks like he might leap up and smother him in affection again. Tianlu sighs and leans his head on the hand on the other side of the qilin. As much as he likes this guy, he’s definitely monopolizing his big brother’s attention. Not that Bixie doesn’t pay attention to him, in fact, now that there are no problems, it’s almost as much as it was when they were pixiu kittens. Though, they’re grown up now, so that’s a good thing. In a mature line of thinking, Tianlu is relieved that he is no longer the only thing in his brother’s eyes. It allows Bixie to look at himself for once, for more than one person to take care of him in return. He can do whatever he wants and not throw away his life like before. At least, it’s SibuXiang, who understands how easy it is to lose the strong, immovable, untouchable Bixie.

Bixie’s cooking is amazing. It’s perfect, even; he wonders if he was tutored by the owner of Deerman’s on seasoning, because each time he has this sort of meal, he’s hit with the longing for home again. Not that he isn’t home, he just misses when the dinner table was full, and… not like it’s not full now, not that either, he has his family here, and yet he still misses something. That something being that deer. Tianlu is not stupid. He does not like to deny the truth, he does not like to lie, even if he’s had to do it for so long, he can finally live without that pressing feeling anymore, so his instinct is to tear away this haze of ‘denial’.

He misses Sibuxiang, but he can’t leave his brother. Can he? He wants Bixie to be happy, that’s all. He wants to make sure he never contemplates doing something as drastic as he used to. Starving to near death, biting into his own flesh, leaping in front of the danger, dying for love and then killing for it blindly… his temper is so dangerous. This temperament of his brother, he never noticed, because he’s still a spoiled kitten. When Bixie offers him seconds and thirds, he’s amazed to find that he’s prepared so much without him actually noticing, and he eats all of it happily, which makes Bixie happy enough to eat his own share without glancing at him and pushing food into his plate.

There shouldn’t be a problem. He can put up with this much. After all Bixie has done for him, the least he can do is return even a fraction of his favor.

He sleeps next to him, sometimes Bixie even hugs him in his pixiu form or vice versa. And every night Tianlu can sense that SibuXiang joins them, like he used to when they were a few thousand years younger. When they had first met and become a family, the qilin would squeeze himself between the twins, be they sleeping or sitting together. He liked Tianlu less then, and he’d usually end up on the ground, but then, he was so lonely. It’s also forever clear who his favorite is. After all, despite what they did together without Bixie, they’ve still chosen to turn the other way. The difference lies therein, where SibuXiang’s only wish in all his years was that ‘little brother’, and that hasn’t changed now, only the color has become abundantly red, blossoming like spring.

Bixie is happy with SibuXiang the qilin. So happy, he’s never seen his brother like this before. It must be relief, the unbelievable effect of a miracle, something that should not have happened to happen; in the dark, the faint glowing of the qilin reminds him of something bad, so he would stand up and leave, sleep somewhere else for the sake of his own sanity and the sanctity of his eyes. There are more than enough places to lounge peacefully. The hot-bodied pixiu can curl up on any of these couches and nests and keep himself warm on his own, some of the eggs even radiate pleasant heat. Perhaps it will be a fire qilin.

Still, it would be nice if he wasn’t alone in that regard. Bixie holds him and he will shove the clingy qilin aside if he only asks for it, but it’s not the same. Tianlu is too spoiled. He wants what he wants, but he will pretend he’s sick of their love; he is, in honesty, but his brother’s happiness more than makes up for it. On a couch, Tianlu imagines his own happiness, where he can have everything he wants, and he can smell incense and the lingering scent of smoke somewhere in the recesses of his own mind.

Sibuxiang must miss him too, no? They’ve spent so much time together. He’s left him before. When he left, he looked so strange, as if he was sad, and Tianlu felt so uncomfortable that he wanted to hug him and cover his face so that he didn’t have to see an expression as discomforting as that one ever again. They have all the time in the world, but he fears that the time they have is enough for him to forget Tianlu. When there was a new employee, he was so angry that he became irrational, and he doesn’t ask Bixie to make his favorite meal again, because it feels as if he is being hypocritical or cruel.

Late summer is dark green and the air is fragrant, full of everything in full bloom, and he’s only been to visit Deerman’s once since his departure. Tianlu has climbed onto the roof of this new house before, but it’s not the same as being on the second floor balcony. So, he elects the porch as his perch, sticking out his legs through the gap in the barriers, swinging his feet as he watches the vast valley breathe leisurely in the night, as if it too sleeps. But it’s not asleep; the trees rustle, the grass sway, and the nocturnal creatures drift in and out of the branches, too small to block out anything but a firefly.

And, the elegant, perfectly made body of a fully-grown pixiu that leaps through the valley and the mountain range, taking turns being chased by and chasing the qilin ‘unlike four’ who pursues and takes turns being pursued by him atop a pure cloud that carries him like the wind. They are both like the wind from where he can see with crystal clarity. They’re like children, playing together, laughing loudly from SibuXiang and even sometimes from Bixie, and Tianlu wishes so badly to join them. His hot heart wants to exclaim he could outrun both of them, he could catch either easily, boasting and exerting the dormant strength that never wants to rest; the hot blood of pixiu, always pulsing with energy.

He can’t though. He can run with them any other time, but not together, like this. Tianlu sighs and rests his chin on his crossed arms. Tuye boasted all about how Sibuxiang could cross a thousand miles in a day, how he’d been saved within an inch of his life and carried across China on the back of one such deer… but Tianlu never got to see it! It’s one of the very few things the rabbit has over him. The only thing, maybe. He grumbles to himself, sulking in the night. Sibuxiang never ran with him like this. He is too lazy, and usually, Tianlu is the one saving him. Even he would have to get up for that weak old rabbit, huh? 

For some reason, this thought infuriates him. Tianlu gets up from the porch, his tail swaying in his anger and goes inside. He will ask the qilins to take him back to Deerman’s as soon as possible, so that he can step on this angry thought– or, wouldn’t that only make him angrier? Why is he angry? It’s not like he’s jealous, or something, he just wishes Sibuxiang did more with him. He deflates as soon as he reaches the doorframe. Sibuxiang always took care of him, and the reason he’s so healthy and well, his fur even getting the envy of qilins who visit is because every single day they were together, he was bathed and groomed meticulously and fed good food that filled his boundless appetite. Nor is he sulky and snappy as he was a decade or two ago for similar reasons.

In the morning, he wakes up to the empty house; briefly, he wonders if this is how SibuXiang the qilin had grown up; he looks around for the two primordial qilin. They are nowhere in sight, which means that they’ve unfortunately probably gone on some other couple’s vacation retreat somewhere, ‘making up for lost time’. Is that what SibuXiang is doing with his brother, dragging him away every other night or day? Tianlu will just go hunting and forget about these terrible, sappy couples everywhere. It’s not even mating season, he is just this unfortunate that he can’t even complain to Sibuxiang about it. The old man can’t use his phone properly, and this far away from the nearest human society, it’s a miracle if he gets a connection at all.

He weaves through the woods covering the edges of the mountains and looks for something fun– each stride nearly silent for such a large beast and each disturbance minimized through this streamlined form. He spots a wolf and settles on it. Not like he will find anything more exciting for a while, what with there being smaller prey and by consequence smaller predators. It would be ideal if he could catch a pheasant or some fat, nutritious bird dripping with juice, but the only really worthwhile fowl around are Bixie’s chickens, and of course, they’re off limits. So, breakfast is a few minutes’ affair, and he once again finds himself aimlessly wandering outside.

There’s nothing for him to do here but wait for his brother to come back. He can survive without modern food, he can find his own treasures (though the qilins have an abundant supply), he can go wherever he likes as long as he comes back within the day. Unfortunately, gauging from the length of the journey he took on the back of SibuXiang, he doubts he can make it in a week. He wants to go back! Why shouldn’t he? All his friends and most of his belongings are still there! Tianlu had tried to go back with his bowl as an excuse, but then he was offered a golden bowl and he ate it with his meal, and completely forgot everything he was thinking about for the whole day. How do they keep doing this to him?

It would make Bixie sad, maybe that’s why. He will go with him and visit the store, but only from his single other visit he knows that he’d want to stay. It’s only been some months. He didn’t even get to spend time with Sibuxiang properly because Hetao got into some trouble while his wife was away… at least they live away from the store! As soon as he hears the rustling of grass being met by hooves and paws he leaps to his feet and rushes over to the returning white qilin. Tianlu hops up, but finds his tall back disappointingly empty. 

“Hey, where's my brother!”

Sibuxiang looks down at him and smiles. It immediately sends a chill down his spine. He hasn’t changed for a moment in death nor rebirth. It would be almost reflex to scold him and tell him to learn how to smile like a normal person, when he's happy, or at least, not when he's clearly feeling something different that shapes the smile's vacant glimmer into an unsettling sheen of metal. “My flower is waiting for me to fetch something from the house. He's busy.” He taps the top of Tianlu’s head with one paw. “And you… mm, I sense that you really want to ask me a favor, and I have to say… no.”

“You can’t sense- huh, why?!” He makes like he’s about to pounce. “Why can’t you?!” Angered further, he tries to get the qilin’s paw away, but it just follows him before settling on the ground accompanied by an airy laugh. “Don’t you want me gone anyway?”

He keeps smiling. “Little blue circle, I’m glad we got to talk privately. But need I remind you of what happened the last time you and I went off without my flower? Hm?” The pixiu’s ears fall back. “Exactly. So, I can’t let you leave on your own. Just wait here until we come back, okay?”

Unfortunately, the qilin has a point. He wants to bite him, but even a playful one would make Bixie worry for their relationship. SibuXiang and Tianlu have more or less a formal relationship if that word can be even applied to either of them. They have paid their debts to each other and they love Bixie more than their own selves. This is the only ground upon which such different people can gain understanding. 

“How long?”

He shrugs, somehow. “It won't be more than a week. Mom and dad aren't here?” Tianlu shakes his head. SibuXiang chuckles. “Always like that, I wonder if we'll run into them. Hm, I'd love to take him out on a long honeymoon for a dozen years, but he won't agree for more than a few days… aiyah, little circle, you're such a nuisance.”

Tianlu sticks out his tongue. “You better come back quickly!”

…

It has only been a year, but… no, it has been an entire year since Tianlu left the store, and in that time, he's visited twice. Sibuxiang can't blame him. Why would he want to return to this place? From what he excitedly told him about the last time he came over in early autumn of last year, he certainly no longer lacks meals as he had feared. It's a relief that he can still be well fed. His hair was still soft and unmatted, just blown out of place by the endless wind of his journey. Sibuxiang spent the first ten minutes of their time together exacting too much attention to fixing each detail of his hair while Tianlu talked.

The rest was spent playing with his hair while Tianlu ate in his lap. He stayed the night, of course he did, it's such a long journey after all, and he was allowed his place in Sibuxiang's bed by his brother. He understands that he is no longer trusted fully, nor will he ever be. It begins to creep into him like an invasive weed, and each time his lungs extend in longing for fresh air, it tightens its hold. For all the kindness that he is given by the people around him who do not once look at him wrong for what he has actually done, he shows nothing but greed in return. 

Tianlu told him he missed him, running into his arms to almost break his back in a tackle-hug. Of course, when he left, he gave him another hug, with a strange reluctance in it as he said that he would be back soon. Sibuxiang tries not to think about it too much and ruin his own mood again, how come he should still be so affected by him, at this point, is it not time to move on from such feelings?

To deny any sort of intimate relationship between himself and Tianlu would be a lie. Sibuxiang tended to him every morning and night without complaint, even if it was a bit of hard work for someone like him. It became a habit, and now his days are too empty and too quiet, what a bother it is to care for anything at all when he’s going to feel like this if it is lost. He supposes this one is special, but what are these thoughts he’s thinking? He will be fine for some days and then find that he’s falling back into this absurd line of thinking. Like some sort of teenager. Everyone else goes on with their lives as if Tianlu had not been half of everything, a constant presence that does not heal in absence; only noting him lightly and without burden.

So immature. Sibuxiang eats his internal chidings as he hears the telltale sound of hooves alongside paws on grass and he stands up and turns on his quickly enough to sprain something if he were just a little more unfortunate. 

Before he knows it, he’s on the porch, and opening his arms to catch the pixiu who jumps into them, his small hands gripping onto the back of his cape without hesitation. Without thinking, he presses his face into his hair. Not quite as fragrant as last time, as if he’d missed a shower, or was shortly outside before traveling through the sky. Combing his fingers through his wind-ruffled ponytail, Sibuxiang ignores the persistent, dull ache in his back to lift the boy up properly.

“Hehe, Sibuxiang, did you miss me?” He sings– Sibuxiang pinches his cheek, and he makes a fake-pout before becoming all smiles again. “You mean old man! If you act like this, then I shouldn’t have even come back~”

Words escape him at the moment. Sibuxiang smiles in relief. Why is Tianlu so happy, he can’t fathom it, but he will not question it. It would only lead to more questions and more pain, and he has said himself that a divine beast has no reason to borrow from either the endless future and the gone past. Forgetting is not such a bad thing, either. He does not dare to do more in the presence of others, but even when he can feel the hollow look of the qilin and the distrustful glare from his brother, he still cannot help himself from scooping him up and lifting his feet off the ground.

“Hm, then you should leave. Why did you even come here, silly Pipi?”

“Because I missed you, duh!”

Throwing his arms around his neck, Tianlu’s face presses into his shoulder. Sibuxiang the deer is rendered utterly speechless a second time. He dares to meet the eyes of Bixie and then draws it down to his companion's white hair, his clothes, the wrinkle in his collar and the sunkissed nape he cups before holding the back of his head closer. His scent is the same, ultimately. He has simply been elsewhere, and now he has returned, even for a moment, and it will allow the storeowner to act as he should for another few weeks. It's nothing to a divine beast, even one as feeble as him.

“I suppose I missed you a little too.”

He loosens his arms, expecting the boy to hop out and go see his friends or raid the fridge. Tianlu stays resolutely where he is, even if he's looking at him now, sitting up in his hold, he does not leave. It does strange things to Sibuxiang's heart. 

“Hm, Pipi?”

Tianlu stares up at him with devastating jade eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “Sibuxiang, do you not want me here?”

Ah- that's also unexpected. Today is full of surprises. Before he can respond, he notices that they have been left alone; though, knowing, they are probably still around. This is what he can get for privacy, but he knows it's not for his sake either. For the sake of Tianlu, beloved, noble and stupid little Tianlu's pride. He sighs. His back will hurt, so he takes a careful seat on the ground, and Tianlu adjusts accordingly to sit in his lap. The sun touches the edges of his figure and makes his white hair shine softly. 

“Pipi, really, what would this old man do without you?” His eyes might be giving him away. Sibuxiang, just say what you feel and everything will be okay- the voice sounds rather like someone he knows. “There is no one to eat all my food or break my plates, no one to wake me up with a heart attack, no one to sleep on me until my limbs fall asleep, and worst of all, no one I can pinch and tease and make angry without you here.”

He bats his big eyes. “That doesn't sound good!”

Sibuxiang grins. “I keep forgetting to not make so much food. I'm basically banned from the kitchen now.” 

“What! But you're the best cook!” Tianlu takes it all too seriously, knitting his eyebrows in earnest offense. “Come on, cook for me right now! I'll eat whoever interrupts you!” He hops up from his lap and starts pulling him up. Even if he is strong, he is also about the height of his shoulders, so Sibuxiang ends up mostly doing it on his own with a few cracks in his knees. “I want your chicken mushroom stew so bad!”

Sibuxiang raises an eyebrow. “You said your brother cooks well.”

“Yeahh, but you make it best!” He sticks out his tongue, flustered. Without thought, they end up holding hands into the store. “Do you need me to go hunt something? Ugh, I haven't even hunted properly in a while…”

“No, no need to leave.” He squeezes his hand slightly. “Ah, well, you can if you want. The ingredients are here, someone will go grocery shopping tomorrow.” Who exactly he can’t remember, but the one thing he’s been somewhat taking notice of is the food… some storeowner he is. The day he no longer has to run this shop and will travel with Tianlu again as he promised seems to approach closer and closer every day. Although, can he really do that? The mountain is a safe place for someone like him, and he does not want to incur any wrath from above by showing his face anywhere else. That is only in the case that the promise is remembered by the other party.

The boy’s ears flick a little, and then he grabs onto Sibuxiang’s sleeve. “Okay, I’ll do that later! Hehe, I want to see you cook~”

Sibuxiang is baffled. But why would he look a gift horse in the mouth? He has the most lucid experience he’s had in months while cooking, or doing anything that requires effort; while he listens to his little companion’s random ramblings and his ideas. He cuts up about three entire chickens to boil slowly, and cleans up the supplies that he used while they cook. Tianlu stands on a stool, watching over the water. Upon seeing him take a seat at the dining table, he hops down and then up into his lap.

“Ouch- be gentle, Pipi.” Sibuxiang says, immediately hugging him close and resting his head on his. “Hm, have you lost weight? Poor thing, I can’t believe of all people I have to ask you if you’re eating properly.”

Tianlu kicks his legs, swings his feet excitedly, as if he is practicing running in the air. Sibuxiang puts a hand on his shin. “What’s up with you, you’re fidgeting so much. Have they been tying you up there too?” He hasn’t heard anything bad, other than the antics of the real SibuXiang who happens to be doing things such as ‘stealing his brother’, ‘pushing him out of bed’, ‘kidnapping his brother’... they all seem to concern Bixie, so he will not speak on the matter. It is amusing though. Slightly. “You are both hungry and energetic, how can that be?”

“Um, well, I wanted to do some stuff with you.”

The actual answer is a surprise to get. He supposes he really was missed by this foolish creature. It’s still bizarre that the truth is he is the younger between them. 

“Like what, Pipi? I’m an aging deer after all, there’s not much I can provide other than my usual services.” 

He adds a wink. Tianlu and Tuye do it often, and without a mask, he figures he can do it too. It earns a blush- hm, is it so easy to embarrass him?

“Well, you promised for one to take me traveling again! But- but that one depends on my brother. Ahem, but I have a lot of other things too. Like, I wanted to play with you again. And I like to sleep next to you… just like we used to, if we can just be together a bit, I wouldn’t be too unhappy.” Tianlu confesses, scratching his cheek and wiggling his feet again. Sibuxiang does not know what to say, he feels like he should be the one begging for him to stay or spending even a bit of time with him when he’s like this. Has it not been his responsibility for a decade now to take care of him? “And you want to do that too, so that’s why I’m saying it… in case you’re too afraid, heh.”

He’s still blushing though. Sibuxiang pokes his soft cheek. “Pipi, what are you talking about?” Yes, he was afraid. What a relief his companion is so brazen when he wants to be, and how cute it is that he becomes so bashful too. He pouts, frustrated, and Sibuxiang laughs. “You can do all of those things with me whenever you want. Aren’t we old friends? Living under the same roof for nine years, don’t you think at this point you don’t need to ask~”

If only he had his mask right now, so he could hide the way his eyes seem to move without his control, following the strange wide smile that places itself on his lips. Tianlu buries his face in his robe before pulling away with a huff. “Mean! You- don’t laugh at me, Sibuxiang… I still won’t hesitate to eat you.” Sibuxiang leans down, tilts up his chin lightly, as if saying try me. “I- I won’t! If you weren’t cooking for me, that is, but after that, I will…”

His words trail away. There’s nothing he can say, neither of them have anything that they particularly want to voice out. Tianlu’s eyes always sparkle, made of clearest jade, the most treasured green; it’s been a while since Sibuxiang felt the courage to look into them for long. Afraid, maybe, that if he did, his thoughts would be found without his mask. It’s good that he doesn’t have it right now, in the end, so that Tianlu can stare at him all he wants.

“It sounds good. I’ve been cold recently.” Autumn approaches ever closer. It creeps into his bones the same way he speaks now, barely above a breath. “Will you stay the night?”

“Mhm- I’ll stay for more than the night! Sibuxiang, I’m gonna stay here!”

The momentary trance is broken. “Wha- stay? Pipi, don’t be silly, your brother will never allow it.” Bixie would have his head if he heard him voice his delight at the wish, so he doesn’t show it. Carefully keeping his expression sober… “And if he stays here with you, I don’t think I’ll survive a single day.” Less so about Bixie, more so that if he runs into SibuXiang the qilin or, say, breaks a cup in front of him, accidentally brushes against him, he might pass away without the assistance of heaven’s will. He scratches the base of his fluffy ear in comfort. “I know you miss me, but we will just have to meet every so often when you can. I’ll always be here.”

He hopes he won’t cry or such, which thankfully does not happen; instead, Tianlu gives him a cheeky smile. Adorable.

“Bixie said it’s okay if I stayed here!”

“See, he- he what–”

A loud hiss interrupts his conversation. Sibuxiang stands up so fast he almost drops Tianlu.

“I forgot the chicken-” He runs to the stove and turns down the heat, since when did he leave it so high anyway? Is he stupid? He must be, he can’t think properly with or without Tianlu around. At least he made it before the stove was ruined. He bumps his antlers against the top cabinet and nearly breaks it off. “Crap, sorry, Pipi, wait.”

“Sibuxiang, calm down! He said he’d let me live here again!” He fetches a rag for Sibuxiang quickly, and moves his hair out of his face, precariously balancing on his stool. “Aren’t you happy?!”

With a sigh, the pot is lidded off and the heat is adjusted; concluding with a clang. He stares down at Tianlu, who stares back up at him, no longer playful or frustrated, but as if he is nervous. Defensive, fluffed up like a cat who attempts to make himself larger than he actually is. “What, if you don’t want it, just say it!”

“Pipi, I would be so happy, because I wouldn’t be able to believe it.” He blurts out, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How could I say no to you, little spoiled brat?” It might be mean, it might be endlessly endearing, and it's true. Sibuxiang has dug a hole for himself and he is in the process of stupidly walking into it, his face hot from the steam of the water. “Didn't I already say I missed you?”

Tianlu thumps in anger as a rabbit would. “You didn't! Now you have to tell me, or else I'll bite you.”

Bashfulness– Sibuxiang is not half as bashful as the twins. However, it's still certainly a trait he has. Ha, isn't he too old for that at this point? He wipes the counter absentmindedly, careful not to hit his antlers again or else this sore brain will dislodge with them next time. The rag is discarded into the sink. 

“Pipi, I missed you a lot. Every day, I felt lonely and wished you were here. I don't like when you aren't with me. I worry, and I have nothing I want to do other than tease you again.” What else was it that he wanted to say? Sappy, romantic nonsense that would sound as if he's been watching too many dramas, which he hasn't, only five in an entire year. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It would just upset Tianlu. “I began to think that you didn't want to fulfill our promise after all, hm?”

“Wa- of course I want to! It’s only been a year since I left, don't get in your head about it… I won't die or anything, it's barely the blink of an eye to me.” 

That much is true. It's a little startling nonetheless. A few centuries is as few years to a youthful heart, rushing by as wind. How much longer will Tianlu live? Until the next cataclysm of heaven and earth, fifty-four thousand more years? Sibuxiang imagines another thousand years and feels unbearably weary. He is younger than Tianlu, and yet he's already become jaded. With a sigh he barely restrains from becoming an indicator of how exhausted he is at the idea, he smiles and pats the top of his head.

“Just a year, and we miss each other so badly. In the blink of an eye, we are having thesr problems. Maybe it's the sign of an unhealthy relationship?” Mortal romances claim that a year of absence should be a fate worse than death. Sibuxiang wouldn't go so far, but it's certainly difficult. He reminds himself that Tianlu left him for years before on less than favorable terms and still feels the same as he did before, perhaps worse. To risk that happening again in any way makes him sick. “Or maybe we are meant to be, as they say.”

Tianlu sticks out his tongue. “That's stupid. Things like that are nothing, there's no such law that rules over anyone.” He dramatically walks over, his knees lifting high with each step to position himself right under Sibuxiang's arm. “We miss each other because we want to. I like you because I do and want to, definitely not because of crap like that.” Sibuxiang puts his arm over his shoulder and Tianlu nuzzles into his side. “Sibuxiang?”

“You're very wise, Pipi.” Sibuxiang has never been in love before, nor has he liked someone particularly much, even as a mortal deer and certainly not as a deer spirit. He has seen others’ relationships plenty– god knows how many divine beasts struggle with their love lives. There are often such dramatic tales, but never has he been one for theatrics. “You are right, anyway. Can you forgive me for being a fool?” He strokes his cheek. 

Tianlu looks up at him, all coy and sweet, playful without a hint of weight in his heart. His fluffy tail sways behind him.“That depends on what you're making up for, and what you're gonna do about it!”

He's so cute…

“Mm, I suppose I'll have to start by promising your brothers that I will always take care of you and treat you well.” It makes the boy giggle. Sibuxiang pinches his cheek gently. “Of course, I will also move all your belongings back into my room and redraw the budget to include a few hundred more yuan for the rest of my life. What a pain~”

“Uh, and you gotta cook for me first! The chicken has to be ready by now!” 

“Yes, yes, I haven't forgotten. It is the most important part in living with you, no?”

…

“Sibuxiang, can we run together?”

Why does it feel this much embarrassing to ask? It's just something that would be fun to do. He doesn't even have to play, but it would likely be fun enough he could join in his playfulness. Tianlu knows that his companion is not as strong as the qilin SibuXiang, but that's why he will just not use his adult form. The Yunnan range is not as expansive as wherever he had been before, so it's only more optimal. Sibuxiang stares at him, eyebrows raised and his mouth in an incredulous line. 

“Why…?”

Tianlu huffs and puts his head in his lap. Over his face, the colorful book rustles. “Well, I thought it'd be fun. SibuXiang and Bixie do it all the time and leave me out of it.”

Those two are downstairs, maybe he should mind his voice before he gets an entire lecture from SibuXiang about the synchrony of his Bixie's perfect form and beautiful legs and how the wind touches his hair, or whatever. He knows his brother is perfect too, but he doesn't like the tone he says it with, it's all the ramblings of a pervert who reads too much.

“I am not running in the woods with you, Pipi…” Sibuxiang says it as if it's obvious. Well, it is, kind of, this guy doesn't look at all like he'd like to run, nor does he ever run period. But that's only this flimsy human form! “When I break my ankle, I'm not going downstairs to cook for you.”

“Mmm, but you can cross a thousand miles in a day!!”

His face becomes uncomfortable. “I can't do that anymore.” It strikes him how familiar this expression is. A strange shift that has a shadow of its own. Unfortunately, Tianlu is intimately familiar with this cloud that obscured his brothers’ faces. 

“Why not? It's not like…” Then it becomes apparent. Tuye told Tianlu that merely a few years ago, he was able to save them through this ability. However, now he can't– the way he says it makes it abundantly clear he does not mean it's just gotten worse or weaker. The absence indicates a removal, and so… “Oh, because of the mask? Hm, don't worry about it, I can’t keep up with SibuXiang flying. But you're still a deer in that case, what's the problem?”

Sibuxiang sighs then, and closes the book. He smiles down at Tianlu again. Without the mask, he doesn’t look particularly strange or different. He could even be said to be handsome, with distinct red eyes, a few faint lines underneath them. The first time he saw this face, he felt foolish for ever believing it could be the youthful, nearly boyish SibuXiang with wide gray eyes. The first time he saw this face was a different time. His life seems to be divided into three parts now, and this is the third– after everything, like a new beginning when he finally has everything, his memories and his own heart–

“Sure, we can try. But you will carry me if I get tired.” 

The lights turn off. He reaches out, and his hand is held on the covers. Pleased with this development, Tianlu snuggles into his partner's chest, and nearly purrs, oh, how long has it been since he's been held like this in this familiar bed? And to think, when he wakes up after sunrise, he'll still be accompanied by Sibuxiang's warmth, free to cuddle into him until 9 or even 10. All night, there will be no pesky intruders. The place in this bed is reserved for Sibuxiang only– and his favorite. Delighted with this fact, he presses a kiss to his neck, exactly where he can reach.

Sibuxiang responds with one on the top of his ear, his hand absentmindedly stroking over his back. He must be thinking of tomorrow's breakfast and dinner; it is sad that Bixie wouldn't want to stay with him, but he will definitely visit much more often if Tianlu is here. It's not like the qilin gets tired, he could visit every week if he wanted to.

“Okay, tomorrow!”

“Yes, tomorrow… now, let me rest, Pipi. Good night.”