Work Text:
Namjoon
The first time it happened, something felt terribly off.
Yoongi felt worn out and he had barely started the day yet. He briefly considered cutting the day short and calling in sick, but with the upcoming album preparations, he thought better than to waste a day without working.
Yoongi walked out of his studio and figured that Namjoon could help him figure it—whatever It is—out, having known him for fifteen good years and having a decent track record of dealing with problems and actually solving them. The halls of HYBE and the fact that they existed stood testament to the fact.
The first thing Yoongi saw upon stepping into Rkive was Namjoon’s hunched-over back. The rest of him was laser-focused on his computer monitor. Upon closer inspection, it appeared that Namjoon was going back and forth between a photo of a house in the middle of a field and a wooden texture that looked like a painting, testing them against his desktop icons and folders.
He was choosing a desktop wallpaper.
For the first time that day, Yoongi found himself smiling affectionately. The sight was adorable, highlighting the contrast between the powerhouse that is RM of Bangtan Sonyeondan and the simplicity of his friend Kim Namjoon. And right now, in front of him, was full-on Kim Namjoon.
“Busy?” Yoongi asked.
Namjoon groaned, before leaning back, hands on his face. “This is impossible.” Namjoon then swiveled his chair to face Yoongi. He smiled sheepishly.
“So I take it that the answer is no.” Yoongi grinned back despite the persistent discomfort in the pit of his stomach. He gestured with his head towards the door. “Let’s get lunch. My treat. I heard about a dakgalbi place nearby that we haven’t tried yet. Minjung-hyung said it’s good.”
Namjoon visibly paused, then squinted up at Yoongi. It was the face Namjoon made when he was suspicious about something, specifically about something Yoongi was responsible for, and Yoongi, for the life of him, couldn’t figure out why he was making that face now. The day was already feeling trying and stuffy, and talking to Namjoon was supposed to make it better, not worse. Yoongi stopped himself when he realized he was pulling at his collar.
“What?”
Namjoon grabbed his phone from the side. Yoongi watched as he scrolled and tapped furiously before saying, “Aha!” and pointing at Yoongi.
“What?” Yoongi repeated.
“Seokjin-hyung’s tour starts today.”
Yoongi wrinkled his nose. He knew that. Everyone knew that. It was the biggest thing happening in their company at the moment. “So?”
“You’re asking me out to lunch. Because Seokjin-hyung isn’t here,” Namjoon said, waving his hands around like he was making sense of a conspiracy theory.
“That’s… what?”
Yoongi was used to Namjoon. He was used to Namjoon just word-vomiting whatever first came to mind whenever he was around close friends. Yoongi had developed an affection for this side of him; the vulnerability was endearing. This time, though, it poked at the still burgeoning pit in Yoongi’s stomach.
“Since you were discharged, you were cooking your own lunch at home, hyung,” Namjoon said, as if Yoongi wasn’t aware of what he’d been doing for the past months.
“I woke up late today,” Yoongi said, and he hated the way he sounded defensive. He actually didn't wake up late, but he didn’t need to explain himself, either. It was just lunch. “So what?”
“Seokjin-hyung got food from you. He would always eat it in his studio or the cafeteria,” Namjoon continued, as if the whole conversation still made sense.
“We live close. We had similar schedules. So what?” Yoongi said again, slowly standing on guard at the way the conversation was turning. Namjoon yapping was one thing. This was starting to feel different. “Are we getting lunch or not?”
“You’ve never cooked lunch for me.”
Yoongi’s tense shoulders released and he rolled his eyes. “Oh, what the hell,” Yoongi said, exasperated. “Is that what this is about? Then I’ll cook for you tomorrow, Kim Namjoon. What do you want? Bulgogi? Sausages? I’ll cook whatever you want.”
“It’s not about that. The point is, there is absolutely no point to cooking. We have like, two cafeterias here. And a whole street of restaurants we can walk to.”
“I like to cook. Why is this suddenly a problem?”
Namjoon stared at him in disbelief, and then, as if washed with newfound revelation, said: “You don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
Namjoon sighed, shaking his head in a way that Yoongi found condescending. Namjoon then sat with his head bowed for a few seconds before he abruptly stood up and grabbed his tote bag.
“Nevermind. Let’s go.”
“What was that all about?” Yoongi asked, as Namjoon herded him out of the room.
“Just me and my thoughts. Let’s just get lunch, hyung.”
Yoongi was still confused but nevertheless followed Namjoon out.
“Both wallpapers suck, by the way,” Yoongi muttered.
“Don’t worry, hyung,” Namjoon said sagely, slinging an arm over Yoongi’s shoulders. “I’ll figure it out in my own time. Just like you will, too.”
Yoongi frowned.
Even with Namjoon’s company, the off feeling was still there. In fact, it was so much worse.
✦
(picture of dakgalbi attached)
the new dakgalbi place nearby is good, hyung
14:56 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
the new one around the corner that minjung-hyung was talking about?
14:56 pm
yeah
namjoonie and i just went
why are you still awake?
14:57 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
can’t sleep
treat hyung there when i get back ok?
14:56 pm
sure
14:57 pm
✦
Hoseok
Dance practice had gotten a lot tougher. Yoongi thought that coming back to it would be like second nature, the way driving a car or riding a bike was. But it wasn’t. Even with his regular gym schedules during his enlistment to keep in shape, it was difficult to come back to full, demanding physical activity after two years of office work. Even for songs from their old discography.
On top of all that, the whole week had still felt like Yoongi was punched in the chest, and today wasn’t any better.
Hoseok slumped next to Yoongi. There was something human about seeing Hoseok look exhausted after a choreography run. Yet underneath the exhaustion was a joy Yoongi was already familiar with when looking at their main dancer.
They both sat with their backs to the rehearsal mirrors, with Yoongi huffing and puffing and Hoseok wiping his face on a towel. They watched the younger ones fool around with the microphones, still with unlimited energy left after practice. Hoseok used to be one of the kids, but now that he was older, he reserved more of his energy for things he needed to do. Like practice for the comeback. And apparently be sketchy around Yoongi, too.
“Hard to practice when we’re missing one person,” Hoseok commented.
Yoongi often stood next to Seokjin in their choreographies. During those times, he used Seokjin to mark his place in the formation. The absence was palpable. “Yeah.”
“He’ll have to work double time to catch up when we start practicing the new songs.”
“He’s always been good at memorizing the choreography,” Yoongi said. “He’ll breeze through it.”
“He will—Wait a second.”
Hoseok dropped his towel and sniffed the air.
Then he turned and sniffed Yoongi’s shoulder too.
“You smell weird.”
“You’re weird. Stop smelling me,” Yoongi complained, pulling himself a little further away from Hoseok. He pressed the collar of his shirt to his nose to check. There was no smell.
“You’re using your old fabric conditioner again, aren’t you?” Hoseok said, wrinkling his nose in distaste. He stuck his tongue out. “Oh my god, I hated that one. I was so glad when you switched.”
“Well, no one asked,” Yoongi said, affronted. He knew that Hoseok was as sensitive to smells as Jungkook was, but he didn’t think he’d notice something so inane.
Hoseok clapped his hands, which made Yoongi jump a little.
“Oh. Oh,” Hoseok exclaimed, as if surprising himself. He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded in understanding. “Seokjin-hyung’s on tour. That makes sense.”
This time, Yoongi’s punch in the chest was coupled with a punch in the gut. The same one he had when he visited Namjoon a few days ago.
“What makes sense?”
“Seokjin-hyung said you two have started to do your laundry together in his house. You know, after he got that fancy front-load washing machine with the good dryer.”
“So? It’s economical.”
Hoseok chuckled. “You don’t need to be economical. You’re SUGA of BTS.”
Yoongi was offended. In what universe was being economical something to be criticized for? He was saving water and electricity. He hated doing his laundry, hated the sorting and the waiting and the folding. And Seokjin didn’t mind Yoongi coming over to do his laundry, especially when Yoongi cooked for him almost every day. It was a habit he’d found hard to kick after years of sharing a closet with their oldest member.
Besides, Seokjin said he liked it when Yoongi took Tang over and had someone to play his games with while the laundry got done. It was a win-win situation, one neither of them ever even thought much about.
“It doesn’t hurt to be.”
“Come on. Doing laundry together is something else, hyung, admit it. I wouldn’t even let my sister touch my clothes like that with her stuff.” Hoseok laughed brightly before stretching. “Anyway, I can’t wait for Seokjin-hyung to come back and have you smell better again.”
“Let’s do another run,” called the choreographer, clapping her hands to call the members’ attention. “This’ll be the last and I’ll let you go.”
Hoseok stood up and grinned at Yoongi cheekily. “And I know you can’t wait, either.”
Yoongi huffed, cheeks flushed, before following suit.
✦
that brand of fabric conditioner you always use is sold out.
18:12 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
don’t you have any left at home?
18:12 pm
you’re sleeping late over there.
that’s not good.
hoseok said mine smells weird.
18:13 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
then let’s use your fabric conditioner more when i come back home
just so he’ll be annoyed
lol
18:13 pm
lol
18:13 pm
✦
Jimin
Yoongi’s world was silent except for the music whenever he worked. Tonight, he was working on a song to be submitted to the producers for consideration for Arirang, but he’d been coming up almost-empty.
“Hyung, let’s go home,” Jimin whined, cutting through the static.
With Jimin's complaint, something snapped awake in Yoongi. It was as if he’d been in a trance. Yoongi glanced at his wristwatch—it was two in the morning. He had asked Jimin for help in recording guides five hours ago. He pulled out the microphone and said, “Sorry. We’ll end here.”
“Finally,” Jimin said, before fully removing his headphones and leaving them on the stand.
Jimin went out of the recording booth, cracking his neck from side to side. They had dance practice earlier and Jimin had been gracious enough to accept Yoongi’s request. Yoongi felt guilty.
“I thought you’d changed for the better,” Jimin sighed. “Guess you’re still going at it hard.”
“Sorry,” Yoongi repeated, as he unhappily saved another rough draft of Come Over v10 in his files and began turning off the machines. “I wanted to get this song out while it’s still in my head. I want it on the album.”
“It’s a good song, hyung. Don’t worry about it too much. Besides, we still have that song camp in LA. Don’t burn it all out here.”
Yoongi sighed; he wasn't happy with the song yet, but decided not to respond directly to Jimin's assurance. Instead, he said, “Thanks for the help. Want dinner?”
“No, I’m gonna go home and sleep. I’m so tired,” Jimin said.
“You can go ahead then. I’ll close shop,” Yoongi offered. “I owe you one, Jimin.”
“Of course you owe me,” Jimin pouted. “I’ll wait for you.” Then, “I wish Seokjin-hyung were here. I don’t know why you never ask him to record these guides with you. I’m sure he would if you asked.”
Yoongi didn’t look up despite the tightness in his throat; he shut down the laptop and then proceeded to clean the papers he had scattered over the table top. “He’s busy with the tour.”
“I know,” Jimin said, a little bit of a whine still left in his voice. “It’s just that, when we all came back and everything, you were going home on time when he was around. The last few months, you never went past 10 pm.”
“We ride the same van home. Seokjin-hyung is very serious about clocking out.”
Yoongi cradled his papers to his chest and faced Jimin.
Jimin quirked a brow. “And so were you. Whenever he was.”
Yoongi shrugged. Whatever Jimin was trying to say, Yoongi was too wired to process it, so he let him be. “Let’s go?” Yoongi invited.
“If you say so,” Jimin said, following Yoongi out of the studio. “You never considered my van, by the way. It also leaves at the same time as yours do. Because we live in the same area.”
Yoongi smiled wryly.
“I’ll take it into consideration next time.”
“Please do. Or else I’ll tell on you.”
Yoongi huffed, giving up on the conversation. But he made a mental note to ask Jungkook for vocal guides next time.
✦
kim seokjin-hyung
jimin told me you went overboard today
03:11 am
a big mouth on that one.
03:11 am
kim seokjin-hyung
we’re getting too old for all-nighters, yoongi-yah
it’s not good for our health
tang misses you, too.
03:11 am
says the one who forced me to stay up all night playing overcooked
and tang is very independent.
03:12 am
kim seokjin-hyung
no comment
good night yoongi-yah
be good to our dongsaengs
and kiss tang on the nose for me.
03:12 am
(picture of tang attached)
03:12 am
✦
Taehyung
The first thing Taehyung did when Yoongi opened Genius Lab’s studio door for him was give him a warm, engulfing, full-body hug.
“It’s gonna be okay.”
“Hey.” Yoongi held onto Taehyung’s arms, but didn’t resist the hug. He was used to Taehyung. Of all the members, he was the most physically affectionate towards him. Yoongi had grown to like it—not that he’d ever admit that out loud. “What’s going on?” he asked, as he patted Taehyung’s back in response.
Taehyung took Yoongi’s shoulders and held him at an arm’s length. Taehyung’s large, expressive eyes bore into his, clearly full of sympathy. His lower lip stuck out a little.
“Did… something happen?” Yoongi said, treading lightly. With Taehyung, he didn’t quite know what to expect.
This time, Taehyung’s pout turned into a full-blown frown. “I know you miss Seokjin-hyung. We miss him too. But that’s no reason to hole yourself up in your studio again for days!”
Now that he knew what it was about, Yoongi pushed Taehyung away in a fit of annoyance.
Not this again.
Not from another member.
“If that’s what you’re here for—” Yoongi began, starting to walk back to his work station.
“No, wait! Actually, I come bearing gifts!” Taehyung cut him off. He sidled up to him, pressing himself against Yoongi’s arm. “Look!”
Yoongi followed and was greeted by Taehyung’s phone. On the screen was a photo of Seokjin in full makeup. It was clearly taken after one of his concerts; the background was that of a dressing room and his hair was all mussed up. His face shone with a sheen of sweat. Yoongi narrowed his eyes.
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
“Press it. It’s a video.”
Yoongi, although wary, went along and pressed the screen with his forefinger. Seokjin started to move. And then he spoke.
“Yoongi-yah, I heard you were working too hard again. Go home on time!” Seokjin pointed accusingly at the camera while he smiled affectionately. His expression turned stern. “And Taehyung-ah, stop bothering him! You guys are menaces. And stop bothering me, too, with this nonsense while you’re at it! I’m very busy, you know.” He paused. “I miss you guys and I’m doing well. See you soon! Bye!”
The video stopped with him mid-wave.
“Heard that?”
Yoongi sighed. “You should listen and stop bothering him.”
“Don’t mind that part, I know he likes it when I call him and send him selfies.”
“I don’t know why you’re doing this to me.”
“Oh, you do,” Taehyung said, finger raised knowingly. “In fact, I know you liked seeing Seokjin-hyung again.”
“I did not.”
“So why are you smiling?”
Yoongi frowned immediately.
Cheeks flushed, he pushed a complaining Taehyung out of the studio and locked the door behind him.
✦
you really didn’t have to do that.
15:27 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
the video?
the kids were begging me to get you out of the studio
15:27 pm
the comeback’s soon
i need to lock in
15:27 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
now don’t go learning new lingo without me, yoongi-yah
anyway, weren’t you glad to see hyung’s beautiful face?
15:28 pm
hm
15:28 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
be careful with what you say next
15:28 pm
stop staying up so late, yourself, hyung.
finish the tour healthy.
15:28 pm
✦
Jungkook
Right after his encounter with Taehyung earlier that day, he asked Jungkook to go out for a drink. Jungkook, ever so gracious with his time, acquiesced, and they met up at a speakeasy for a nightcap.
“You’re asking me what’s up with the guys lately?” Jungkook asked, wide eyes blinking up at Yoongi innocently. The years have not changed the way Jungkook looked to Yoongi; he still looked so young and so new to the world around him.
The whisky in his glass swirled as he played with it. The same feeling he’s had for the past month still weighed heavily in his gut. “They keep talking about Seokjin-hyung’s tour. As if it has anything to do with me.”
Jungkook responded, voice soft. “Of course, the tour has everything to do with you.”
“Me?” Yoongi said with a laugh. He put down his glass and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yah, Jeon Jungkook. Not you, too?”
“When we all came back, you were different. You and Seokjin-hyung have always been inseparable when we lived together, but—” Jungkook sipped from his glass, clearly trying to test his words, “—when we started living apart and you two moved into the same neighborhood, things changed. And when we came out, it's like you made up for the time you lost in the military. You two were attached at the hip.”
“We are not. Moving to the same neighborhood was a coincidence. The property value was good. Seokjin-hyung and I had the same mindset about the kind of place we wanted. Jimin lives in the area, too.”
Jungkook nodded graciously. “And that’s great. I’m happy you and Seokjin-hyung are getting along well.”
Yoongi tried to ignore that slightly patronizing tone.
“But you were so similar about other things too, weren’t you? Not just now. Even before. The kind of food you like. The way you like to do the laundry. The way you do our practice runs. The time you want to clock out.” Before Yoongi could speak, Jungkook leaned forward, closer, his doe eyes in their maximum effect as they bore down into Yoongi. “And you were happy. About sharing all these things with him.”
Jungkook reached out to touch Yoongi’s hand. He gripped it tight and pressed acupressure points on it, the way Yoongi taught him how to when Jungkook was younger. Yoongi realized that Jungkook was trying to relieve his stress. Slight laugh lines framed Jungkook’s face as he smiled at Yoongi lovingly.
“Seokjin-hyung was happy about it too. He told me as much.”
Yoongi pressed his lips together, unable to come up with a response.
“And I like seeing Seokjin-hyung happy. Don’t you?”
Yoongi nodded.
“Don’t stress yourself out. Just do what feels the easiest and just think about it, hyung,” Jungkook said, giving Yoongi’s hand a pat before letting it go. “How you could be happy, too.”
“I wish you didn’t grow up,” Yoongi grumbled. “You speak like an adult now and I don’t like it.”
“I promised the hyungs I wouldn’t meddle.”
“Meddle with what?”
Jungkook grinned. “You’ll figure it out.”
Later, when Jungkook left first, Yoongi took out his phone. He wasn’t drunk, but he told himself he was, as he typed his next message.
✦
i had a drink with jungkook.
we wish you’d come home soon.
3:12 am
kim seokjin-hyung
i’ll be back sooner than you think
3:12 am
✦
Seokjin
Yoongi was standing in front of Seokjin’s apartment when Seokjin reached home.
Seokjin was surprised; so was Yoongi. Neither of them expected Yoongi to be there.
“Hi,” Seokjin said, voice tentative. He pulled his suitcases closer to him as he faced Yoongi, holding onto the handles tightly as if the bags were going to roll away.
“Hi,” Yoongi said back. He took one last drag before putting out his last cigarette into his pocket ashtray. “Welcome back.”
“So,” Seokjin began.
“So,” Yoongi echoed, scratching the back of his head.
They stood in front of each other, silently waiting for the other to make the next move. They hadn’t been this awkward when Seokjin first moved into their first apartment together as BTS, hadn’t been this awkward when Seokjin came back from military enlistment, hadn’t been this awkward ever. But something had changed during the time Seokjin was away.
And something changed again when Seokjin returned: Yoongi's world, somehow wrung back into being real. The off feeling in his chest for the past weeks was gone, as if it had never been there in the first place.
So Yoongi decided to say it first,
“I really missed you, hyung.”
A surprised look crossed Seokjin’s face, only to be replaced with a wrinkled forehead and a concerned frown. He reached out, then hesitated. “Are you okay?”
“I wasn’t,” Yoongi said. “But now I am.”
“Yoongi…”
Yoongi surprised himself with his voice's own steady footing.
“I missed you, and it drove me fucking crazy. Because I like cooking for you, and doing laundry, and working together, and going home together with you. And the members knew it and drove me even crazier,” Yoongi continued. “And maybe I am crazy, standing here, telling you this. I think I know why, but it scares me. Whatever it is, I did miss you, and I wanted you to know it.”
Seokjin blinked fast; he looked flustered. He was flustered.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Yoongi said at the lack of an immediate response. “I just wanted you to know.”
He turned on his heel and got ready to leave. But then he felt a hand hold onto his sleeve. Yoongi turned to face him again.
Cheeks and ears flushed deep cherry red, Seokjin said, “Wait,” followed by, “I want to say I missed you, too.”
This time, it was Yoongi’s face turn to heat up. Saying it was different from hearing it. And it seemed harder to hear it from Seokjin. Because they both knew it meant something. Something important. And it was clear from Seokjin's face and the quiet acceptance behind the red cheeks and the glistening eyes that he'd known about it far longer than Yoongi had.
Yoongi looked at his feet and nodded his quiet thanks. Seokjin let go of his sleeve.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Yoongi.”
“You, too.”
Seokjin hesitated for a moment and then said, “You don’t have to go crazy anymore. I’m here to stay, you know.”
Yoongi smiled slightly. “I know.”
With that, Yoongi turned around and marched towards his apartment and back home to Tang. Heart light and all smiles.
✦
kim seokjin-hyung
so you missed me
21:54 pm
shut upppppp
21:54 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
yoongi-yah, i didn’t know you were so sweet
21:54 pm
i am not sweet
and don’t try to change things up
you said you missed me too
21:55 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
i did
and you know what else?
21:55 pm
what?
21:55 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
you were right that this is hard to say in person so i’ll say it here
21:55
i miss you all the time
because hyung likes you so much, min yoongi.
21:58 pm
that’s funny.
21:58 pm
kim seokjin-hyung
why’s it funny?
21:58 pm
because i like you so much too.
21:58 pm
✦
FIN