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Tobio can’t really stand it; he’s back at the doctor’s office even though he swore to himself to lie the last time, swore to play it off, swore to not worry his mother. But he did. So now the doctor’s telling him how he should get on anti-depressants. Tobio swears he isn’t crying, but he knows he’s failed. Is this what a life should turn to? 17 and ready to have drugs becoming your best friend?
It’s one week later when Hinata stays over that he fucks up again; it’s that night he realises that fuck, he, Kageyama Tobio, is really, really gay. He starts hating himself again.
It’s when Tobio sees Hinata laying in his bed in nothing but a shirt a little too big—is that Tobio’s own shirt?—and boxers. It’s when he sees Hinata spike a toss, or when he smiles at a text from Kenma. It’s all the time, but it’s especially now, when he realises just how comfortable they are witch each other. Which makes him panic because wow, the pain in his chest is like nothing he’s felt before and he would’ve never expected love to hurt this much.
Tobio runs to the bathroom, locks the door, and finds his anti-depressants and some painkillers and he wonders if taking just a tad bit too many of them would cause him to die. He’s not sure if he actually wants to but, Christ, it’d be better than this. He takes one, two, but then he hears a knock at the door. His vision is absolutely clouded, and it feels as if he’s in a smoke-filled room about to die; but he isn’t because he only took two painkillers and it’s not enough. He feels his cheeks getting wet.
There’s another knock at the door. “Kageyama, can you- can you open the door?” he hears Hinata says, and it sounds somewhat unsure, somewhat scared.
And that’s where Tobio completely breaks down. His eyes, his cheeks, his face; they’re all burning. His hands are shaking and he drops the pills, and he realises that his entire existence just is… there. No meaning, no greatness; he’s good at volleyball, but really, what else could he do?
“Shit, Kageyama, I know you’re crying! Open the door…?”
But he doesn’t. Tobio ignores Hinata—all he’s good for anyway, isn’t it?—and leans against the wall. Picks up the pills and swallows with the help of the bathroom water. And he swallows, and swallows and swallows, and he’s not sure what happening, but he falls down and hears something as well as sees something bright. Then, everything is quiet.
Tobio doesn’t really know what happened. Had it all been a dream? Did he ever really exist?
His thoughts get cut off as the door opens—where the fuck is he anyways? A hospital?—and Hinata comes running in and Tobio’s world stops. Hinata almost hugs him, but stops himself and just kind of… stares. It must be funny, really, seeing your friend in a hospital bed when you usually see each other on a volleyball court and Tobio starts to outright laugh.
Hinata catches on, but it stops too soon and then clears his throat.
“I-“ he starts weakly. “I feel like you should know this before I risk like, not being able to tell you again, I guess..?” and it sounds so weird to Tobio, because Hinata doesn’t smile, and Hinata doesn’t feel like Hinata to him right now. “Uhhhh… I… love you?” and it sounds so much more like a question than an answer. A few seconds later is when it hits him, and Tobio realises what the redhead just said and he stops breathing for a while.
“Who else is here?” Tobio asks, his eyes closed, but Hinata can’t be alone in here, can he?
“The team is outside, and your mum is on her way-“
“But they’re not coming in yet?”
“I- No… why? Should we talk about this later…?”
Tobio shakes his head. “No. Now. Before they come, dumbass. Please.”
“Yeah. Okay, yeah.”
“So…?”
“Huh? Oh, oh, yeah… I love you, I think… No, I don’t think, I know and Suga-san told me tell you this but now I’m scared because what if he were wrong and don’t like me and sorry for making it this hard already and-“
“Shouyou.” Tobio says sternly and Hinata looks absolutely startled by the mention of his given name.
“…yeah?” he says and bites his lip.
“I… love you too.”
And he swears that he hears someone outside saying something along the lines of “You owe me 500 yen!”