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The look on Nanami’s face as he dies haunts Yuuji’s dreams. Kugisaki’s eye exploding, the blood and her eyeball falling somewhere near the ground. The destruction of Shibuya and the deaths of all those people.
It’s all his fault. None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for him being so weak.
Yuuji shot up with a start. He looked around his room, trying to remember where he was. His breath came out in shaky pants and his hands were shaky.
He was in his room. He was safe. Yuuji dug the heels of his palm into his eyes and tried to steady his breathing. He stood up and walked to the bathroom, turning on the light and going to the sink.
He refused to look into the mirror, knowing he looked a hot ass mess. He didn’t need to be reminded.
He turned on the water and began scrubbing the blood off his hands. Every night it was the same routine. Go to sleep, have a nightmare, go to the bathroom, and wash the blood off his hands. And every night the blood came back. No matter what he did.
Ever since the Shibuya incident, he’s had the same dream over and over again. At this point, he’s just tired of it. Is sleep too much to ask for?
Yuuji is snapped out of his thoughts by a quiet knock on the door, followed by an "Itadori?"
Yuuji recognizes the voice as Megumi’s and opens the door.
"Fushiguro? What’re you doing up? Did I wake you?" He asks, turning off the sink and drying his hands. The blood was still there, but he hoped Fushiguro wouldn’t notice.
"No, I was already awake. I heard footsteps, and lately you’ve been the only one awake at this time, so.." Fushiguro trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck.
Shit, he noticed that? Yuuji thought.
Out loud, Yuuji let out a laugh. "Oh! Well, do you need something?" He smiled.
"I wanted to check on you. I know you haven’t been sleeping well lately— and don’t lie and say you have, I know you."
Yuuji paused, staring at him like an owl. Was I that fucking obvious?? I thought I hid it pretty well, I still act pretty much the same. How long has Fushiguro noticed? Does everyone else know—
"Itadori," Megumi says, breaking Yuuji out of his spiral.
"Yes?"
"Breathe." Megumi says firmly. Yuuji hadn’t even noticed his breathing had changed.
Megumi lead him back to Yuuji’s room and sat him down on the bed.
"I’m sorry for bothering you with this. Lack of sleep is my problem, it shouldn’t have to be yours."
"Don’t be stupid. I’d much rather be awake with you than leave you alone."
Yuuji’s cheeks turned a little pink at that, and Megumi looked away for a second.
"Anyways. Want to tell me what’s keeping you up every night?"
Yuuji ran a hand over his face. "It’s really stupid, I don’t want to bother you with it."
"Itadori. Be serious. If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have asked." Megumi flicked Yuuji’s forehead and crossed his arms.
"Ow. Okay. Um. I keep seeing Nanamin die, and what Mahito did to Kugisaki—" Yuuji shuddered before continuing "And what Sukuna— what I did to all those people in Shibuya. I killed all those people, Fushiguro. Their blood is on my hands. I should’ve stopped him— If I hadn’t been so weak—" His voice cracked, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe anymore.
"Fuck, I should’ve been the one to die. All those innocent people died at my hands and it’s all my fault." Yuuji sobbed, burying his face in his hands.
Megumi stood there awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do. He’s never really seen Yuuji so upset before.
Megumi grabbed Yuuji’s shoulders to get his attention. "Hey. Look at me."
Yuuji looked up at him, sniffling.
"It wasn’t your fault, okay? You were knocked out and forced to eat a bunch of Sukuna’s fingers at once. You couldn’t have possibly controlled him. How is that your fault?"
"I should’ve never swallowed his finger in the first place. It was stupid of me."
"You did it to save me. Do you regret saving me?"
"No! No. I’ll never regret saving you."
"And I won’t ever regret saving you. Neither would Nanami. Or Kugisaki. They wouldn’t blame you. Shit, I don’t blame you. Please, don’t blame yourself. If anything, blame that fucker inside you." Megumi gently wiped Yuuji’s tears away, causing Yuuji’s cheeks to go red again.
"Sorry. I’m sorry."
"Stop apologizing." Megumi scolded.
Yuuji almost apologized again, but stopped himself. He simply nodded.
"Listen, you should try to sleep. I’ll watch over you."
"What? But you’ll be tired tomorrow!"
"Itadori. You’re an hour away from insomnia induced hallucinations. I think I’ll be fine. I’ll just take a nap."
"But—" Megumi shot him a glare. Yuuji sighed and laid down, before Megumi covered him
with a blanket.
Megumi started to stroke Yuuji’s pink hair. Yuuji flushed but didn’t say anything, his eyes slipping shut.
After a while, his breath started to slow down, signaling he was finally asleep.
Megumi, now confident he was asleep, pressed a kiss to Yuuji’s forehead.
"Sweet dreams, Itadori." He mumbled.
And that night, Yuuji didn’t wake up from nightmares again.