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Ilya surfaced groggily from sleep to his husband (Shane Hollander, in case you were wondering), kissing his cheek. “I’m headed to the airport. I’ll be back tomorrow,” Shane whispered, following the words with a quick kiss to Ilya’s temple.
The words were enough to pull Ilya into fully awake. “What? My love, where are you going?”
Shane paused in the doorway. “The Rolex shoot in LA, remember? We talked about it a few days ago. It’s on the shared calendar.”
Ilya had no recollection of the conversation, although it’s possible he hadn’t been paying full attention when Shane had told him. And, admittedly, Ilya almost never looked at their calendar, trusting Shane to tell him where to be. But...Ilya thought, this must be some mistake. “But Shane, what day is it?” he asked plaintively.
Shane, now a few steps out of the bedroom, turned back hurriedly. “Um…” he said, pulling his phone up to look, “July 16th. I’ve really got to go now, baby. I love you.” Ilya could hear him hurrying down the stairs and then the front door opening and closing. He lay on his back, stunned. Shane Hollander. His husband Shane Hollander. The most thoughtful and handsome and wonderful man in the world Shane Hollander. Had forgotten Ilya’s birthday. Ilya immediately forgave Shane. He must be under an enormous amount of stress to forget something like that. Especially when his own birthday was just a few weeks earlier and they had had a celebratory dinner with Shane’s parents and then Ilya had organized several days of sexy fun. So it was surprising, especially given Shane’s, well, everything, that he had forgotten to plan something for today. But here Ilya was, lying in bed alone while his handsome and wonderful husband (despite the current birthday snafu) jetted off to Los Angeles.
At least, Ilya told himself, there would be plenty of other people around to pick up the slack. And this would give him something to (playfully) hold over Shane’s head, which was ammunition Ilya rarely had. He was already thinking about all of the things he could ask for when Shane realized the mistake he had made and felt so bad that he would do absolutely anything to make it up to Ilya. Smiling at the thought, Ilya got out of bed and got ready for the day, heading out with Anya for her morning walk.
Once they were at the park, where he let her off-leash to explore, he pulled his phone out so he could read all the birthday wishes from his teammates and Shane’s parents. But…there weren’t any. Ilya looked at the date again. And then looked harder because there must be some mistake. It was his birthday. But the family chat with Shane’s parents said they were headed up north to visit a college friend of Yuna’s. And the team group chat had people talking about their plans for the day, but no birthday wishes or funny GIFs.
Ilya pinched his own arm to see if that would wake him out of what was clearly a very unpleasant dream. But nothing happened.
His walk back home with Anya was a little slower. She seemed to know something was up because she kept nudging at his hand. At least she would wish him a happy birthday if she understood time or human celebration or talking.
Ilya sulkily made his breakfast before grabbing his phone and trying to call Shane. He was going to tell him that he (and everyone else, apparently) had forgotten Ilay’s birthday so the groveling could start immediately. But Shane sent Ilya’s call to voicemail (the audacity!) and sent a quick text that he couldn’t talk because the plane was taking off.
Ilya stood in the kitchen, not sure what to do next, and then his phone rang. “Hey, Captain,” Luca’s voice rang cheerily over the phone. “I was just calling to say hi. I know Shane was going out of town, and you sometimes get a little lonely. Do you want to do something?” Ilya seethed for a minute. Luca knew that Shane was leaving town today, but not that it was his birthday?! “Cap?” Luca said, hesitantly, when the silence had stretched on for an awkward amount of time.
“It’s my birthday!” Ilya burst out. “And all of you forgot! Even my husband, Shane Hollander.”
“Oh no!” Luca said, sounding heartbroken. “There must have been a mistake with the birthday calendar. Do you want me to remind the guys? I’m sure we could get something together.”
“No,” Ilya said stubbornly, “I shouldn’t have to remind them. They can remember on their own.”
“I really am sorry,” said Luca. “You must feel like you’re in that Sixteen Candles movie.”
“What is this?” Ilya asked. “I don’t know this movie.”
“You know,” said Luca, “it’s that really old one (author’s note: Shut up, Luca) where everyone forgets the main girl’s birthday.”
Ilya nodded. “Yes, is just like me. I will come over and we will watch this movie and see what to do when everyone forgets your birthday and you are very sad.”
“Oh, um, okay,” said Luca. “We can watch and order food and have our own celebration.” When Ilya arrived at Luca’s house, the other man had put a candle in a muffin and sang him happy birthday. Which was objectively pathetic, but at this point, Ilya appreciated even that amount of effort. Luca put on the movie, which was…confusing more than anything else. And also racist. And really not great where consent was concerned. Ïlya had innumerable questions as the movie progressed, most of which Luca responded to with a shrug or a shush.
When it ended, Ilya said, “This was a horrible movie. Everyone was awful and she ends up with old man.”
“No,” Luca tried to explain, “that was the boy she liked. He was in high school, too. It’s supposed to be a happy ending.”
“So I am red haired girl with creepy family and end up with old man? He does not look like student. They are much younger. That is not the birthday I want.”
Luca sighed. “Why don’t we go back to your place. We can order a bunch of food and invite the guys over, and then we’ll send Hollander some pics, and he’ll realize what a horrible mistake he made.”
Ilya did like that idea. “He will feel very bad. Will owe me many sexual favors.”
“Sure,” Luca agreed. When they got to the house, Luca followed Ilya to the door, talking about what kind of food they should order and who might be available to come by. Ilya led the way into the living room, debating with Luca over pizza and burgers, when, as he stepped into the room, he saw streamers, balloons, and presents everywhere. People were jumping out from behind furniture, and everyone was yelling “Surprise!” and his beautiful husband, Shane Hollander, was throwing his arms around Ilya’s shoulders and kissing him.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Shane said, holding Ilya’s face and kissing him between words. “Is that okay? I’m sorry that you were upset that you thought everyone forgot your birthday.”
Ilya laughed. “I should have known you would never forget,” he admitted. “Although I was looking forward to you feeling so guilty you had to make it up to me.”
Shane smiled, “Maybe I can forget next year.”
All in all is was one of Ilya’s best birthdays ever.