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“Tsukasa-kuuuuuun!” Rui wails, dramatically flopping on the couch. “I’m too tired from practice to even move!”
“Move, you lazy oaf! Give me room!” his boyfriend demands, shoving him playfully.
Rui begrudgingly moves, but doesn’t give Tsukasa any moment to breathe before he’s crushing the blond in a hug.
“H-hey!” He squirms a bit before giving up, patting the soft purple hair. “Warn me next time.”
“Sorry,” Rui mumbles from where his head is buried into Tsukasa’s shoulder. “You’re warm.”
“Sit up, let me put something on the TV! You came here to watch something with me, not turn me into an incubator,” he teases. Rui knows there’s no real malice in his words, but he pouts and sits up properly anyways.
“You finish this,” Tsukasa says as he slides a CD into the player. “I’ll get us some snacks.”
“Okay! Is Saki-kun coming back soon?” he asks, hopping off the couch cheerfully.
“Thought you were tired!” Tsukasa yells from the kitchen. “Nobody’s supposed to be home for an hour and a half. She’s got band practice today. Water or tea?”
“Water is fine, thank you! I’ve got the CD in and working.”
Tsukasa popped his head out, carrying a tray with two waters and a bowl of popcorn. He sets it carefully on the tea table before plopping back down with Rui.
“Okay, it’s showtime!” he declares, hitting the play button on the remote.
Rui smiles fondly, looking at the boy sitting next to him. The boy with soft blond hair, bright eyes, and a smile that never runs out. Rui likes Tsukasa’s smiles, he realizes, because it reminds him. It reminds Rui of the same smile he fell for when Tsukasa knelt on stage to ask him to join Wonderlands x Showtime once more, the same smile he has when he discusses show ideas, the same smile he has whenever he feels safe.
Recently, Rui’s been seeing it more around him. It makes him smile in turn.
A gentle flick to his nose followed by the complimentary rubbing is what snaps him out of his trance. He’s been staring, hasn’t he? Rui grins ruefully and looks Tsukasa in the eyes.
“The show’s up there, Rui!” Tsukasa laughs.
“Doesn’t matter where the show is if my star is right next to me,” Rui blurts out.
He gets the pleasure of seeing Tsukasa’s face flush bright red, mouth sputtering like a fish out of water. Eventually, he gives up and smacks Rui with the nearest thing to him. It happens to be a pillow, which is not designed for ideal combat, Rui notes. It makes him laugh harder, and Tsukasa continues his flurry of assaults. Rui doesn’t miss how Tsukasa has also started laughing in the midst of his pillow attack.
“Okay, okay! I’ll watch the show!” Rui relents.
“Good!” Tsukasa huffs, hugging the pillow to his chest. “Finally. I want my director’s thoughts on it later, so you better pay attention!”
“Yes, Tsukasa-kun!”
Rui, to his credit, does pay attention to the show. He admires the acting (while thinking of how Tsukasa could do it) and thinks of what tricks the director must have used (he’ll want to implement those and try out on Tsukasa later). Almost twenty minutes has passed since the end of their pillow fight, if it can be called that at all, before Rui feels a new weight dropped gently on his shoulder.
When he looks down, he feels a blush and a smile blooming across his face together. A good thing he can’t see this one. So much for paying attention, huh?
He tries to keep himself very still while Tsukasa is resting on his shoulder. Rui thinks that he must not have gotten his full-eight-hours-befitting-a-future-star. Probably practicing until who knows when, just to nail a role down. Rui feels a pang in his heart at this, his throat clenching up, because he wishes Tsukasa would put himself first for once. Acting is his life, but…
It doesn’t matter. He’ll ask Tsukasa about it when he wakes up, because right now the most important thing is to let his star get some rest. Rui relaxes and settles back as Tsukasa shifts around, attempting to focus back on the show. No doubt his star will want to know what happened, and Rui wants to be prepared to answer any questions.
He rests his own head on top of Tsukasa’s, because he finds his hair soft and comfortable. Rui notes the height difference between them again, because he doesn’t have to tilt his head awkwardly to rest it on his boyfriend’s. Rui elects to not tell Tsukasa about it when he wakes up, because he’ll definitely throw a fit and then shout about how a star’s height is not determinate in his ability to be an actor. Rui will agree wholeheartedly and then offer to expand his height, going from simply 173 centimeters to thousands. Tsukasa will shout and complain again before they leave the matter for the next time Rui teases Tsukasa about his height. It’s a loop they find themselves in, but it’s comforting. Rui likes it.
He’s sure Tsukasa might disagree.
All this thinking is making me sleepy. Especially on Tsukasa-kun’s soft hair, Rui muses. He blinks slowly. Maybe I should’ve slept last night, oops.
He tries to hold onto his consciousness, but eventually he blinks a little too long. It’s not long before Rui is asleep as well, head resting on Tsukasa’s. Falling into their dreamlands together.
Rui isn’t able to see the smile that blooms across Tsukasa’s face, a smile he loves and cherishes. Tsukasa isn’t able to see how Rui’s brows furrow and his expression set into something afraid, a face he’s always hated on Rui.
— • — • —
Tsukasa is in the Kamiyama courtyard. He’s in graduation robes, right after his ceremony. He scans the crowd, looking for familiar purple hair.
He spots it almost instantly, weaving through the growing crowd of graduates to grab his hand. Rui spins around, smiling ear to ear.
“Tsukasa-kun,” he says cheerfully. “Let’s properly say goodbye to all our dear friends, shall we?”
He nods resolutely. “I agree, they deserve that much! Let’s go!”
It’s not long before they spot Akito, Toya, and An. They’re all together. Toya’s face brightens when he meets Tsukasa’s eyes, Akito groans, and An plasters a smile on her face. Tsukasa knows she must feel a wave of anxiety by seeing Rui.
“Tsukasa-senpai!” Toya calls. His hands are behind his back, probably folded. Or clasped with Akito’s. Tsukasa knows there’s something going on. “We’ve been waiting for you!”
“We’ve?” Akito echoes. An hits him. “I mean, congratulations. Didn’t think you’d be–”
“Alright, shut it, Akito. Congrats, Tenma-senpai, Kamishiro-senpai! You guys will do great in university, I just know it!” An cuts in. “Don’t blow up your school!”
“What do you take me for, Shiraishi?” Tsukasa complains, a smile tugging at his lips. “I’ll try to keep him out of trouble.”
“Thank you for your kindness, Shiraishi-kun, Aoyagi-kun, Shinonome-kun,” Rui replies.
Tsukasa watches Rui tease Akito and team up with An briefly to mock him. He likes how close they’ve all gotten. He doesn’t miss the sad expression on Toya’s face, no matter how well he masks it. Oh, well. As a big brother, he must do something!
“Toya!” he suddenly shouts. It breaks the conversation between Rui, Akito, and An. Akito seems a bit glad about that though. “Just because I’m graduating doesn’t mean I won’t ever talk to you again! You have my contact, right? I promise I’ll text and call frequently! I’ll visit Kamiyama whenever I can!”
“Tsukasa-senpai?” he starts, surprised. “Sorry, where–”
“As a future star and your big brother, it’s my responsibility to do this! I promise you, Toya, you’ll always be part of my life. You’re my little brother! What kind of person would I be if I didn’t–”
His monologue is cut off at the feeling of arms thrown around him. His eyes widen in shock as Toya hugs him suddenly, and he can feel a few tears dripping down onto his gown. Tsukasa couldn’t care less, immediately wrapping his arms around his brother.
Someone’s camera clicks. Probably Rui or An or both. Akito fishes out a packet of tissues, grumbling about how he knew Toya would cry. When Toya lets go, he holds out his hands. Tsukasa gasps, nearly tearing up himself.
“Thank you for being such an amazing brother,” Toya starts. “I managed to get you flowers. They’re not the best, but I wanted to do something special for you. Thank you.”
“Toya!” Tsukasa gasps. He takes the flowers and immediately holds them close to his heart, smiling wide. He chooses a small flower to pin onto his gown. “Thank you. You don’t have to, I’ll always be here for you!”
“Y’know, you weren’t that bad,” Akito mutters as he passes Toya the tissues. “Thanks. You were kinda cool, you know? A good actor.”
“Yeah, definitely! You’ll become the star you wanna be, Tenma-senpai!” An adds.
“No more of this! I’ve graduated! You can just call me Tsukasa!” he shouts.
Rui laughs next to him. Tsukasa finds Rui’s hand easily, pulling him closer.
“Thank you for this kind gesture! I do think that we must take our leave, regrettably. Please, feel free to contact me for whatever!” Tsukasa calls as he pulls Rui away. If he notices the blush on Rui’s face, he doesn’t point it out.
“T-that’s right,” Rui stammers out. “Thank you all! Nene, Mizuki, and Emu-kun are waiting. You’re all too kind. See you!”
They can hear the last of their conversation before they get too far.
Akito snorts. “He’s so flustered.”
Toya nods solemnly, grabbing onto Akito’s hand once again. “I suppose huh?”
Akito turns the same color as his hair while An doubles over in laughter. “Who’s the obvious one now, huh?”
“Shut up, Shiraishi!”
Tsukasa smiles as he pulls Rui to their homeroom class. 3-C. He’ll never see it again, he thinks. This is the last time I’ll ever come here and think of it as my classroom. Maybe Mizuki and Nene will end up here next year.
“Surprise!” Mizuki shouts as she flings the door open.
Rui and Tsukasa stand there, watching as Emu presents a cake in her hands. Nene is fixing the presents in the back corner, sharply turning around to offer a smile. Mizuki is shaking her hands wildly.
It’s to nobody’s surprise that Tsukasa starts crying. Rui passes him the tissues he’s folded into the secret pocket he had Mizuki sew in.
“Tsukasa-senpai?” she yelps. “I’m sorry, I–”
“It’s fine, Akiyama!” he yells through his tears. “Thank you all. I truly didn’t expect this. You guys are seriously way too kind!”
“Tsukasa-kun and Rui-kun are graduating!” Emu shouts. “A goodbye party is necessary!”
“Thank you!” Rui smiles, his fingers tightening around Tsukasa’s. “But we’ll never be more than a phone call away. We’re studying at the same university, remember?”
The five of them have a small celebration in classroom 3-C. Tsukasa tells Nene and Mizuki that he hopes they’ll have this classroom as their homeroom next year. Nene scoffs, but he can tell she is considering the idea. After an hour, Rui eyes the clock and stands.
“Well, I’ve got a surprise for Tsukasa-kun,” he smirks. “I suppose we’ll have to leave here. Would you mind watching the gifts? It won’t take us long, we’ll be right back!”
“Oh?” Tsukasa laughs, standing alone. “Thank you once again!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Nene waves her hand. “Go off, be weird. We’ll laugh at you when you come back.”
“Bye bye, Rui-kun, Tsukasa-kun!” Emu waves both her hands.
“Mizuki, open the window!” Rui calls before they’re gone.
“I guess so,” she muses as she goes to open it.
Tsukasa lets Rui take him to the rooftop, the place they met all those years ago. He looks around and there’s nobody here. The courtyard is busy as ever, and with the sun slowly setting, it looks even more beautiful. Rui joined Tsukasa by the fence.
“Tsukasa-kun, when I first met you here, I wanted nothing to do with you. I simply thought making shows had to be done alone for someone like me,” he started quietly. “You really changed everything for me. Showed me that everything I did could be done together, and that there were still people who wanted to make shows with me. That my ideas weren’t so crazy after all. I didn’t think it’d take me sixteen years to hear those words.”
“Thank you, Tsukasa-kun, for everything you’ve done here at this school. For everything you’ve done at Phoenix Wonderland, in Wonderlands x Showtime, in my life.”
Tsukasa sniffles, using another tissue to wipe his eyes.
“Rui…” he mumbles. “That’s not fair.”
“I didn’t bring you here just to listen to a speech,” he continues. “I really do have something I want to show you. It’ll be my last surprise for you at Kamiyama as the Weirdo Wombo Combo.”
“What will you–”
An explosion sounded above the courtyard, startling almost everyone. Confetti in the shape of stars and balloons rained down on the graduates, the rooftop, and the two boys. Tsukasa stared at the confetti, new tears welling in his eyes.
A confetti piece landed in his hair as a gift bag was shoved into his hands.
“Happy graduation, Tsukasa-kun. Let’s stay together.”
Tsukasa threw his arms around Rui and tackled him to the ground in a tight hug, laughing all the way down.
“Find Tenma and Kamishiro!” someone shouted.
He was too happy to care as Rui grabbed his hand, making eye contact. For the last time, they ran through the halls to hide from teachers. For the first time, they ran into their futures together. Tsukasa knew no matter where he was or what he was doing, he’d always have Rui’s hand in his. If he fell, Rui would catch him. So he trusted him completely as they kept running, laughing the whole way.
“Tsukasa-kun!” Rui called, looking back at him. “Ready, say! One, two–”
“It’s showtime!” they shouted together.
—•—•—
“Kamishiro-kun!” a voice calls.
Rui spins around from his spot by the podium, brow furrowed. It’s just Asahi.
“Hello, Asahi-san,” Rui calls. His voice sounds wrong, he notices. It’s too formal. Nothing like how a troupe should sound.
Nothing like how his troupe sounded–
“Well, working yourself to the bone again?” he teased, sliding into the seats. “The theatre isn’t going anywhere, you know. Let’s get some lunch together? On me.”
Rui huffs out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Sure, I suppose some fresh air would be good for the mind.”
“Exactly right! Let’s head out to that cafe, shall we?”
The cafe sounds familiar, Rui thinks to himself as he walks that way. He racks his brain. They serve parfaits, taiyaki, sweet treats like that. They also sell normal food, probably what Asahi wants. He thinks harder the whole walk there, wondering exactly what or who reminds him of that place. It’s only when the two duck into the shop does he realize. This shop is–
–the one Wonderlands x Showtime would frequent after practice.
He comes to this realization too late as he sees his old troupe sitting at a booth, together. Laughing. Smiling. Having fun, like they deserve. Rui feels sick, but he plasters on a smile for Asahi. He simply orders a coffee and tries to ask for it to go, to avoid the awkward situation that’s about to come.
“No, let’s sit here a bit! We came all this way. Your actors will live. They might even need the break,” Asahi jokes.
Rui forces a smile and bites back the bile rising. “Yes, of course.”
Asahi chooses the seats a decent distance away from Wonderlands x Showtime. Are they still called that? Rui doesn’t know. The group chat has been dead, for good reason, and he has failed to reach out to them. It’s his fault, he tells himself as he retrieves his coffee. It’s all his fault things turned out this way.
When Asahi gets up to get his food, Rui makes the fatal mistake of looking over to the booth. He wants to know if there’s someone else in his spot. He feels a sting when he sees a boy with gray-blue hair. Why wouldn’t there be a replacement? He left. Rui repeats this to himself so many times, until it feels true.
It doesn’t feel true anytime soon.
Nene and Emu are sharing a parfait, a half eaten taiyaki by Emu’s plate. He can’t see Tsukasa. Maybe that’s for the best. He doesn’t know why he keeps looking at them.
He makes eye contact with Nene briefly, and that split second is enough for her eyes to widen in shock. Then it twists into something else. Anger. Rightful anger.
Rui stands up abruptly, interrupting Asahi. Now he’s ruined two things in one go. Emu’s seen him too, her face a mask of shock and sadness. No smile in sight. Tsukasa is about to turn around, that boy is too, and Rui can’t have that.
He mumbles something resembling an apology to Asahi before he rushes out of the cafe. Briefly, he hears someone call for him. Is it Asahi? Nene? Tsukasa? Rui doesn’t know, and he doesn’t want to find out. He keeps walking, keeps going, as if it’ll keep things away.
A hand grabs onto his sweater, effectively stopping him.
“Rui? Is that you?” Nene asks.
He doesn’t turn around. He can’t even bring himself to answer.
“Sorry, I think–”
“What the hell, Rui?” she snaps. “I’m your best friend. I’m your neighbor, I’ve known you since we could remember? Now you won’t even give me the time of day?”
He spins sharply. “Fine. I’m here, what do you want?”
She huffs. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe an explanation? Maybe a reason as to why a few years ago, you sent a final goodbye message and never texted again? Maybe I want you to just tell us the damn truth? You’re here with Asahi-san, huh?”
“It’s none of your–”
“None of my business? You’re seriously saying that?” she cries. “We’ve waited years, Rui. Tsukasa nearly quit acting, Emu didn’t show up for weeks. You’re telling me that–”
“Nene-chan, Rui-kun, stop fighting!” Emu cried. “Please, listen. Don’t just run like that!”
Rui swallows thickly. He wants to get out, get away, run away again. He can’t face him after he did that, he can’t bear to see–
“What’s this all about?” Tsukasa’s voice cuts through. “Nene, Emu, what’s wrong?”
He comes face to face with him instead. Out of the corner of his eye, Rui can see Asahi walking out of the cafe. Once he sees the situation, he quickly hurries away back to Arkland. Probably to let his troupe know. How irresponsible of him.
“Nene-chan, let’s take a walk and get Ren-kun! He’s waiting!”
“Fine. But I want an explanation, Rui.”
Great, now he’s alone with Tsukasa. Standing in a corner of the park. Tsukasa still smiles at him. How can he do that?
“Let’s sit, please?” Tsukasa gestures to the bench.
“No. I need to get back to my troupe,” Rui says quickly. “If you’d like to tell me something, tell me now. Preferably quickly.”
“Fine. Why did you leave? Why did you say you couldn’t do it anymore? Why weren’t you honest with us back then?” he asks bluntly.
Rui winces. “I just didn’t want to. I didn’t see a reason. It would have been too difficult–”
“Difficult?” Tsukasa echoes, dangerously calm. “You thought telling us the truth was too difficult for you? Is that even fair?”
“No,” Rui agrees. “It wasn’t. I’m sorry for assuming.”
“I’ll forgive you,” Tsukasa whispers. “I always will. Even though you left me; no, left us with almost no explanation. I’ll always care.”
“I’m sorry, I must go,” Rui replies, eyes downcast. “Can we–”
“I think it’s best if we just stop here. It should have stopped years ago, right? When you made your choice?” Tsukasa cuts him off. “It’ll be fine. We’ll be okay.”
“Tsukasa-kun–”
“Rui,” he says quietly. “You’ve made your decision a while ago. I don’t need an empty explanation that should have come years ago. Nene and Emu are free to make their own choices, but I won’t chase this anymore. Go back to Arkland, your troupe is probably waiting. Don’t keep Asahi-san waiting either.”
There’s a moment of silence between them, the tension growing with every word left unsaid.
Tsukasa cuts that tension swiftly, with words sharp as a knife and soft as Rui’s always known.
“I’m glad you’re chasing your dreams, Rui. I’ll always support you.”
It takes everything in Rui to not chase down Tsukasa as he walks away, and even more to not cry as he watches him rejoin his old troupe. He made his choice, a while ago, when he joined Arkland that day. Rui lets the ground cave under him, lets himself fall into the abyss as he closes his eyes. If this is his punishment, then–
He can hear someone calling his name. Asahi? Nene? Tsukasa? Rui? Rui? Ru–
—•—•—
“-i! Rui?”
He jolts awake suddenly, the sound of concern dripping into his ears. Rui opens his eyes slowly to see Tsukasa looking at him with concern. A blanket had materialized on them. It definitely wasn’t there before.
“Are you okay? You looked so concerned and stressed, I didn’t–”
“Tsukasa-kun,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around him. “You’re here.”
Tsukasa blanches. “What? Of course! You’re in my house! Saki draped a blanket on us! While we were asleep!”
Rui just hums and runs his fingers through his hair, still wrapping Tsukasa in a tight hug. That dream felt so real, maybe because part of it was real. Part of him in that dream was real.
“Rui?” Tsukasa asks gently. “What’s wrong?”
“N’thing,” he mumbles back. “Just missed you.”
“That’s not like you,” he grumbles. “But if you don’t want to–”
“No. I do. I just need a minute.”
“Okay.”
Rui sits with his thoughts for a while, letting his mind run free for a bit before letting go of Tsukasa. He sits back on the couch, avoiding his gaze.
“I thought you were gone. That I’d left, you didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t say anything. You still wished the best for me though,” Rui mutters. “I wasn’t part of Wonderlands x Showtime anymore. I was just gone. I left you. I left all of you.”
“That’s not you, Rui,” Tsukasa says firmly. “I know you! You’d never leave us without saying something first. Even if you did, you probably had a good reason! I know you’d tell us.”
Do you know that? Rui thinks to himself. Did I ever tell you?
“It doesn’t matter what you do, Rui. I’ll always be right here behind you. No matter where you go, what you do, what I do. We’ll always be there for each other, right?” Tsukasa smiles.
That smile. It makes Rui smile too, even if it’s more practiced and careful.
“Yes, we will. I promise.” I won’t end up like my dream. I’ll tell you. I’ll always tell you first.
“Then it’s fine!” We’ll always be like that. I hope our real graduation is like that.
They sit together for a while, thinking to themselves. Tsukasa eventually gets up first, holding out his hand to Rui who stares at him quizzically.
“You’ll want something to eat. The show’s over, Saki’s back and eaten already. We’ve been out for about two hours, Rui,” he chuckles. “A star must take care of his director’s health!”
“Is that so?” he grins. “So I suppose that includes your director’s special tastes?”
“Of course! Anything you want, I can make!”
“Alright! No vegetables, please!”
“Rui! You’ll eat your vegetables, you better!”
“Ah, Tsukasa-kun, how mean!”
Rui follows Tsukasa into the kitchen, complaining and bickering the whole way. By the time dinner is served, Rui finds his plate free of vegetables. His lips curl into a small, real smile. Tsukasa pockets that and stores it away into his memory, thinking about how it’s better than the smile he gave earlier. He hopes he’ll see more of Rui’s real, happy smiles.
Rui hopes he’ll be able to stay by Tsukasa forever, that he won’t ever have to lose him. That they won’t fall into the same fate as his dream and I won’t end up like that. I promise I won’t.
Tsukasa knows Rui isn’t easily lost. Even if he is, it’s only fitting that a star shines brightly so that in the sky, it’ll be easy to spot him and have a guide. Doesn’t matter if it’s on a stage, in the Kamiyama courtyard, or just at a dinner table with you.
For his director, he’s happy to shine bright enough to lead the both of them for now.