Work Text:
The boys sat in Rodrick's messy basement to plan.
"We should put a fake centipede in their popcorn," Rodrick said. He held up a cheap plastic toy.
Jax laughed. "Too boring. Let's hide all of their stuff instead."
"OR I CAN MAKE THEIR TEETH FALL OUT!" Bill Cipher yelled. He floated in the air, glowing yellow.
Hobie shook his head. "No magic, mate. That's cheating bruv. Let's just blast my guitar loud enough to shake the house."
Upstairs, the door opened. Tanya looked down the stairs with her hands on her hips.
"Will you guys shut up!" Tanya yelled. "We are trying to watch a movie. If you ruin it, I will hit you with my mama's broom!"
Ragatha peeked out from behind Tanya. "Yes, please be softer!"
The door slammed shut.
Jax smirked. "Oh, they are asking for it. Bill, no magic. Rodrick, grab the fake centipede. Let's go mess with them."
The boys crept up the dark basement stairs. Rodrick held the plastic centipede like a real weapon.
"Okay, here's the plan," Jax whispered, his long purple ears twitching. "We throw the centipede right into Ragatha's lap. Then Bill makes a loud scary noise or something."
"I CAN DO THAT!" Bill sparked. "LIKE A SHRIEKING DEER!"
"Shh!" Hobie hissed, leaning against the wall with his guitar. "Keep it down, mate."
In the living room, the girls were sitting on the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn. The TV screen lit up their faces.
Suddenly, Gwen's head buzzed. Her Spider-Sense was tingling. She looked toward the hallway. "Guys, the idiots are coming."
"Let them try," Tanya muttered, cracking her knuckles. "I've been waiting for an excuse."
Rochelle stood up and grabbed a couch pillow like a shield. "Defensive positions, team! We don't lose to boys."
Jax kicked the door open. "Surprise, ladies!"
Rodrick threw the plastic centipede with all his might. It flew through the air, but Gwen easily caught it with one hand without even looking. She tossed it right back.
Smack!
The fake centipede hit Rodrick right in the face. He tripped backward into Hobie, and they both crashed into a table.
"BOO!" Bill shrieked, turning into a giant red pyramid.
Instead of screaming, Tanya just stood up, grabbed a heavy textbook from the table, and threw it right at Bill. It didn't hurt him, but it made him stop laughing.
"Is that all you got?" Tanya yelled, picking up her broom.
Ragatha hid behind the couch, waving her hands. "Please stop fighting! You're spilling the popcorn!"
Rodrick scrambled off the floor. "Retreat! Retreat!" he screamed, running back toward the basement door.
Hobie just laughed, swinging his guitar onto his back. "Brilliant. Proper mental."
Jax tried to run too, but Rochelle threw a heavy couch pillow like a dodgeball. Thwack! It hit Jax right in the back of the head. He fell face-first onto the carpet.
"Haha! Point for the girls!" Rochelle cheered, pumping her fist in the air.
"YOU DARE THROW PILLOWS AT A GOD?!" Bill Cipher roared. He turned bright red and snapped his fingers.
Suddenly, all the popcorn in the giant bowl started to float. The pieces turned into tiny butterflies and fluttered around the room.
"Hey! My snacks!" Tanya yelled. She swung her broom at Bill, but missed.
Gwen shot a web from her wrist. Thwip! The sticky web grabbed Jax by his ankles. She yanked him backward right into the kitchen.
"Woah, woah, watch the fur, sister!" Jax yelled, sliding across the floor.
Ragatha peeked out from behind the couch. She saw the floating popcorn butterflies and sighed. "Well, at least the living room isn't messy anymore. It's actually kind of pretty."
"Not for long!" Tanya marched into the kitchen with her broom raised, looking right at Jax. "Alright, Bunny boy. You gonna clean my shoes, or I'm telling Daddy you was pranking us."
A "popcorn butterfly" landed on Rochelle's finger. "Ok, that is kinda cool!"
The kitchen door flew open with a bang.
Everyone froze. Standing in the doorway was Eminem. He looked furious.
"What the f**k is going on in here?!" Eminem yelled.
Jax, still tied up in Gwen's web on the floor, blinked. "Uh... who invited the rap guy?"
Eminem marched right past Jax and looked at the floating popcorn butterflies. Then he looked at Rodrick peeking out from the basement stairs, and Bill floating near the fridge.
"I leave the house for five minutes to buy some damn tacos, and you clowns are tearing the place apart!" Eminem shouted. He pointed a finger right at Rodrick. "You! Put that fake centipede away before I shove it down your throat! And you-" He glared up at Bill Cipher. "Stop glowing! You're hurting my f**king eyes!"
"THIS PARTY NEVER STOPS!" Bill screeched, turning red. "YOU CANNOT TELL ME TO STOP GLOWING!"
"I don't give a s**t who you are!" Eminem yelled back, stepping up to Bill Cipher. "You look like a nacho chip with a hat. Do some magic on these dishes or shut the f**k up!"
Tanya put her hands on her hips, a big smile on her face. "Yeah! Tell 'em, Marshall!"
Eminem walked over to Gwen and Rochelle and patted them on the shoulder. "Are you girls okay? Did these idiots bother you? If they touched your stuff, I'm throwing their s**t into the street."
"We're fine," Gwen smiled, spinning a web ball in her hand. "We actually had it covered."
"Good," Eminem nodded. Then he spun around and looked down at Jax. "As for you, Bunny boy... you're on chore duty for a week. Start scrubbing."