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Hirose Aiki didn’t like this feeling.
He didn’t fit in.
Nearly anyone you would have spoken to in his class would disagree. They told him he was cute, funny, genuine, and all around a nice guy. People wanted to eat lunch with him. They chose him for projects. He was never for want of a friend, because they were there whenever he needed one.
It just didn’t seem like the right kind of friend.
That felt weird to think.
It just seemed like there were certain friends for certain things in your life.
If you wanted to go shopping, you needed a friend with good fashion sense. You needed someone who knew your style, or, if that was a failure, someone who was willing to give you a new one so that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself any further.
If you were eating lunch, you needed someone who was enjoyable to be around, but didn’t make you laugh so hard you’d spit milk out your nose. It was also helpful to have someone that might be willing to share with you, because food eaten together was always better than a portion too large, left alone.
If you wanted to go to the movies, you needed someone who was just quiet enough that they knew only to interrupt during a long pause, to share something funny in between. Then you could both hold your laughter in and calm down during the next stretch of the film, allowing just enough time for whoever was around you to forget that you’d been giggling fifteen minutes before.
And when you realized you didn’t like girls, you needed…
Hirose sighed, leaning down to tie his shoes at the foot lockers as the end of the school day drew to a close.
He didn’t have a friend for that.
All he had was someone who had made him realize these feelings.
This difference.
Nakamura Okuto was his friend. He shouldn’t discount that. It just seemed like it was a lie to say that was all Hirose wanted him to be.
As he tied his shoes, Hirose stared at the plastic crab that hung from his bag; a memory of when all of this fluttering loneliness had started.
Nakamura had given it to him on a whim. He noticed that he liked crabs. Something so small. Inconsequential. Yet, Nakamura had noticed, even when they’d barely known one another. He’d given Hirose a gift and reminded him that his life was his own. Sure, it was only a few words. ‘Don’t go’. To stay. To not leave behind the moment that felt refreshing, with someone new who noticed things like your favorite sea creature.
So, maybe it was more important.
More than a crab.
Nakamura liked octopi.
Hirose had noticed that in class.
He’d started to notice more after he kept holding his own hand to see if he could make it feel just like Nakamura had when he’d grabbed it by the ocean and told him he should be true to himself. Not to follow in the footsteps of others.
It never felt the same.
But the fluttering in his chest did every time he caught Nakamura looking at him.
He was shy. Hirose thought that the anxiety in his chest was simply from trying to be a better friend. He didn’t know where to start with Nakamura, though. Every place felt a little off. He wanted to say so much more. He wanted to tell him not to go either.
That his hair looked even better after the haircut that grew out far too fast.
That he should hang out after school.
Go to his house.
Meet his dog.
He liked octopi, so maybe he’d like other animals.
Maybe he’d like Hirose.
More than classmates.
More than friends.
More than… something.
Hirose gathered up his things, dumping his school shoes in his locker.
Why did he agree to have that girlfriend?
He thought it would be easier, that was why.
And maybe…
Maybe…
He wanted to see if Nakamura would notice.
Or care.
And Hirose thought that for a brief moment, when Nakamura had seen him out by the garbage bins, being told he wasn’t enough by a girl he had never planned to be that for anyway, that Nakamura had cared.
When they’d locked eyes, he looked like he was more than sorry about stumbling upon a serious conversation.
He looked like he’d missed him.
Hirose swore that Nakamura had said without a single word, ‘Don’t go’.
With a huff, Hirose shoved his hands in his pockets and headed out the front entrance of the school.
Nothing added up.
He’d caught up with Nakamura after the girl had dumped him.
He’d tried to tell him, without telling him, that it was easier to be around him.
But he’d generalized.
Talking to guys was easier.
Girls were stressful.
Guys weren’t.
What he’d really wanted to say, was that Nakamura was easier to talk to.
Be around.
Spend time with.
He would probably be quiet in the movies before whispering something in his ear that would make Hirose giggle.
Hirose bet he would share anything. Nakamura was always so giving.
He would probably be one of the best people to shop with, as well. Nakamura was always watching. Observant.
He was perfect.
But maybe Hirose was still too different.
Nakamura hadn’t talked to him all day.
Hirose wasn’t sure what to do anymore.
He felt like an idiot.
The sky was blue.
The air was warm.
“Hirose!”
Nakamura was behind him.
Hirose looked over his shoulder to see the boy he’d been fretting over, hopping on one foot, trying to pull his shoe on with one hand, and throw his bag over his shoulder with the other.
He made it to Hirose…
On the ground
Face first.
Hirose laughed, arm across his stomach, bent over where his chestnut hair hung loose, swaying toward the awkward boy in a tangled mess below him.
He held out his hand, smile wide.
Nakamura took it, blush furious.
“Sorry. I wanted to catch you before you left.”
“I think you caught the dirt, more than me.” Hirose’s chuckle trailed off, Nakamura’s lighter, latching onto the end and petering out quickly.
They stood there in growing silence that was filled with the wind through the trees in the center of the quad, and the hum of traffic on the street just outside the gate.
Nakamura looked like he’d swallowed an entire octopus, his throat bobbing, like it was being dragged down into his stomach. Words barely formed.
Hirose waited.
Then Nakamura hiccuped, dislodging his nerves.
“I… like talking about stuff…” Nakamura’s voice grew quieter with each word as his eyes rose between them, finally looking directly at Hirose. “... with you.”
Hirose’s heart whipped into a frenzy as a breeze picked up the ends of their jackets and the waves of their hair.
“Yeah?”
Hirose’s voice cracked.
He clamped his mouth shut, cheeks warm, heart twisting like the leaves above their heads that held on, despite the tumult.
Nakamura nodded, a small smile on his face.
“Yeah.”
And just like that, Hirose Aiki fit somewhere.
Below a tree.
Talking to a boy.
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