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The temperature dropped with every step down the hallway he took. Behind him there were 50, no, probably closer to 100 people gathered in the trauma deck. Cardboard pizza boxes floated over the sea of outstretched hands, individual slices dropping off in each one. His stomach grumbled under four layers of thick fabrics, but he didn’t dare turn back now. He’d just get sucked back into the sickeningly joyful crowd and end up staying way longer than he intended. Besides, this was about the time of night that the staff of County General got philosophical and started making shockingly accurate assumptions about Mark’s marriage. On a night like this, after a shift like that, he would much prefer Jennifer’s mindless recap of that day’s events in the office. She should just be getting home now.
He had to admit that the Christmas carol playing over the speakers did make the increasingly cold hallway slightly more bearable. And the lighting was… interesting. In a nice way. It made the ER look different, way darker than he had ever seen it before.
He shouldered the back door open and stepped out into the night. The door swooshed closed behind him and the only thing he could hear was the fresh layer of snow piling gently on the winter ground. He pulled his hat over the tips of his ears. It was the red one that Jennifer insisted he bring with him that morning, wool and a little scratchy, but enough to do the job. His steps sunk clean through the mounds of snow.
His head suddenly felt very cold. He whipped around to find Doug standing there with his red hat in hand and a stupid grin on his face.
“Leaving already?” He taunted, fiddling with the hat between his index and thumb, “the pizza just got here.”
“I’m sure there’s something delicious waiting for me in the fridge.” Mark shot back with a tone that implied ‘delicious’ was a bit of an overstatement. He lunged for Doug’s hat-holding hand.
“From Jennifer? I thought you said she didn’t cook!” Doug said with feigned surprise, waving his hands, and consequently the hat, around him for dramatic effect.
”She has many other amazing qualities.” Mark quipped, hoping that he wouldn’t encourage his coworker any further. The hat was just slightly out of his reach from where he stood with his boot stuck in a patch of snow. “Hey, give that back, dickhead.”
Doug’s head fell back with laughter and returned with an amused smile, “You look like a dickhead with this hat on,” he chuckled.
Mark made an affronted face, “I do not!” He held Doug’s mischievous gaze before snapping forward to grab the hat, but Doug jumped back too fast. “And it’s snowing so hard I don’t think anyone would notice anyway,” Mark huffed, figuring distraction was the best approach to make Doug give up this bit.
“Don’t try to start a different conversation. I want to talk about this wonderful hat some more!” Doug held the thing an inch from his face and made an expression like he was counting the individual threads.
Mark swatted at the snowflakes piling on his head and grumbled. “I thought you were in a bad mood today”.
He knew it was a low blow the second it came out of his mouth. Doug made a pained noise. He winced and thought maybe he should apologize for that. To be fair though, Doug had spent the past several months badgering him about his nonexistent affair with Susan. But even if he hadn’t, there wasn’t really such thing as ‘too personal’ in their friendship.
Doug’s fingers worked across the stitching in methodic little patterns. “Yeah, I guess I’m just trying not to dwell on it.”
They stood there for a moment, the snow under Doug’s shoes crunching as he rocked back and forth. His lashes caught in the streetlight and under them his eyes held onto Mark’s like he was the only one who could do something to fix him. The older doctor really didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to say that this was all just infatuation. And guilt. And the amplified emotions of a young person.
And that the feeling like he was burning from the inside out every time he saw them together was just boredom and lack of attention. No, Doug definitely didn’t want to hear about that right now. Mark swallowed and took a step forward. He reached his arm out until his hand landed on Doug’s shoulder. Doug huffed and ducked his head.
He let his hand trace Doug’s coat to the top of his arm and squeezed gently. “That’s good, Doug. I hate to say it but that’s really all you can do. And keep going out with Linda I guess.”
Doug chuckled and found his gaze again. It was more questioning this time, but still so trusting in a way that made Mark’s hand freeze on Doug’s thoroughly wrapped bicep. His breath caught and he felt he needed to shed at least 2 layers of clothing lest he combust right there in the wind.
“You’re just going for the hat, aren’t you?” Doug whispered. They were close now, close enough for the storm to feel less like a barrier and more like invisible walls around them, guarding their conversation.
Mark’s hand shot down for the hat. The heavy moment thawed almost instantly as Doug hobbled backward, yanking his arm back, his smile reappearing.
“You ass,” Mark heaved, sidestepping him in the hopes of pinning his arms for long enough to grab the thing.
But Doug seemed to anticipate all his moves. “Seriously Mark, who let you walk out of the house with this?”
“Jennifer said it looked cute!” Mark exclaimed after several failed attempts at grabbing his arms.
“I guess it is pretty cute, Dr. Greene.” His smile was big now and his cheeks were flushed in the cold.
“I-uh- heh,” Mark stuttered as he reeled for something that wasn’t completely idiotic to say. He had nearly backed Doug into the wall of the ambulance bay by now. This game of keep away was becoming far too intense for the weather conditions. Mark’s hands couldn’t seem to keep up with his brain, but he would be damned if he let Doug beat him in 2 informal games of 1 v 1 in the same shift.
“Use your words old man,” Doug pivoted around him in a dramatic display of athleticism. He held the hat high above both their heads and Mark took the opportunity to seize the stupid thing that he should probably just leave behind at this point.
He knew he was done for the second their hands met over the fabric. Doug was still smiling, the idiot. His chest was flush to Mark’s as his back connected with the lid of the garbage can. The impact knocked the breath out of both of them. Their chests pushed and folded against each other as Mark gulped in mouthfuls of the cold. Their hands had ended up on the brick wall, only a sliver of freezing air between their faces. Mark could feel the warmth of Doug’s palm through the rough material.
He was still dodging Doug’s gaze when he realized that his other hand was pressed against Doug’s waist. He quickly shuffled backward. He was making nervous chuckling noises to evade the silence Doug seemed so comfortable with and digging his heel over and over again into the abused pile of snow. Then he promptly felt the wind on his scalp replaced by something warm.
Doug fixed the hat on Mark’s head and felt around for the nape of his neck, squeezing the slightly numb skin like he didn’t know what he was doing with it.
Mark tried not to think about anything as the warm fingers threaded into his hair and guided his focus back onto the half lidded brown eyes. Something twisted in his stomach. It was almost a painful sensation, and it took all his brainpower not to lurch forward with the way it tingled out into his fingers and toes.
He racked his brain for a coherent reason to back up, but he couldn’t come up with anything fast enough. His lips were crushing Doug’s a second later, his hand urgently finding the dip of his waist again. It felt like an insatiable heat between his lips and everything making sense all at once. A little like a 30 second argument in the hallway when the ER was slammed and a little like the two of them leaning in the quiet of a doorway after a long shift. He groaned into Doug’s soft mouth. It mostly felt like someone put his frozen penis in a preheated oven.
Doug’s teeth caught his bottom lip when Mark tried to pull away.
“Jesus, Doug,” he panted through a smile.
Doug’s eyes went back and forth between his own while his face formed a lazy grin. “Yeah I- uh, I think Jennifer was right.” He whispered, fighting the laughter in his voice.
“Shut up,” Mark chuckled. Doug narrowed his eyes and Mark felt something grip him over his scrub bottoms. He choked out a moan and his feet dug into the snow to keep his now very unsteady knees from landing him on his ass. Doug twisted under him as Mark tightened his grip on his waist in retaliation. Then Doug laughed. Really laughed. Like he hadn’t since seeing that stupid ring on Carol’s finger earlier. Which in reality had only been a few hours, but to Mark it felt like way longer.
He heard a hushed conversation fracture the untouched air before he saw the fluorescent light stream out across the snow. He pushed away from Doug and forced his eyes on the muddy ground. Doug cleared his throat and followed suit, pushing off the garbage can and crossing his arms over his chest. Lydia walked out digging in her purse with Jerry at her side holding a box of pizza.
“Night Mark, Doug,” she called while passing, her eye catching just a second too long. Mark nodded a response and waited for the door to shut and the sound of Lydia’s voice to recede before turning back to Doug.
He was still calibrating against the wall, looking like his best friend had just kissed him. He must have noticed Mark staring and schooled his expression.
“Goodnight, Dr. Greene,” he said in an uncharacteristically quiet, matter of fact way before turning on his heel. Mark could only watch him walking away before he gathered enough sense to call out a half assed goodnight in Doug’s direction. He thought he could hear the beginnings of another one of Doug’s laughs before the wind picked it up and carried it away.
He pulled the hat back over his ears and started for his car.