Chapter Text
Resting in one’s own heart is generally uneventful, Roxas had learned over time. Whether it’s from the lack of stimulation or a property of the heart’s innate magic, time doesn’t seem to exist in the same way, when a heart is idle. He spent most days (weeks? seconds? lifetimes?) in a comfortable haze, not quite knowing where he ended and the void surrounding him began, sometimes not even sure whether his eyes were closed or just staring far, far into the still, black distance. Perhaps he’d spaced out for a few moments, or perhaps he’d been floating in the dark for an eternity. Whatever the case, it didn’t bother him much. Another side effect of the magic, he figured.
It was noteworthy, then, when his senses returned to him all at once. He blinked and the sunset hues of his Station of Awakening colored his field of vision. He felt himself land gently on the glass below, the familiar pressure of gravity making a rare reappearance.
Having already gotten a good look at the effigy underfoot at this point—do I really look that moody all the time?—he kept his gaze higher as he scanned the area for any changes. If he was awakened so suddenly, there may have been some sort of shift in his heart. Or Sora’s.
His eyes did wander down briefly to check the two vacant circles that orbited his glass portrait, beside depictions of Axel and Riku. Partially obscured by his Keyblade and black hood, they had always been empty. He sometimes wondered who else might have been important enough to earn a permanent fixture in his heart, if those spots had ever been occupied at all. Were they just obscured from his mind at some point when his memory had been taken away, like the half-covered circles would suggest?
No, Roxas assured himself, like he did anytime his mind wandered down a doubtful path. No one knows my heart better than me. He just had to accept that his heart was shaped exclusively by his once-forgotten best friend and… Riku. Hm.
Needless to say, it didn’t sit quite right with him. So sometimes, just when he was feeling curious, he still took a quick peek for new faces.
Finding nothing out of the ordinary, he paused for a moment to stare aimlessly at the dark horizon. Then, his ears perked when he heard a series of faint, overlapping vwshhh sounds behind him.
Turning his head to follow the noise, Roxas watched as panels seemed to rise from the depths and form a winding, inclined path leading away from his heart. He’d seen these before when he had been traversing the Station of Calling, while Sora was still being recompleted. From this angle, the multicolored glass looked dangerously thin, like it could never support his weight. The surrounding darkness gave the glowing path an ominous, if technicolor, look. It faded up and away into the distance before Roxas could make out what might be at the other end.
Without giving it a second thought, he put one foot in front of the other and started making his way up. After his first step onto the floating walkway, another pillar seemed to emerge from the void: his destination. Its tall, imposing sides glowed in the same ornate patterns that decorated his own Station, like the windows of a grand cathedral. As his climb reached its surface level, Roxas was able to make out what was depicted on top. Or rather, who.
Instantly he recognized where he was. He stepped onto the platform and once both feet were firmly planted on a glass crown, he saw the path behind him fall away silently in his periphery. In front of him, there awaited a new feature—one that Roxas had never seen even in his own heart. Hovering a couple feet above a glass gloved hand about halfway across the floor was a large, gilded frame. It looked empty, though he supposed it could have held a mirror or a very, very black painting.
He made his way up from the shoes to the bright red shorts of the still, peaceful boy below him. As he approached, the frame became solid. A white canvas stretched across its 2-meter-or-so span and soon faded into a clear landscape of pine trees and green grass. Clear but shaky, Roxas noticed, the image jostling this way and that until it panned over to reveal a familiar brick-and-iron fence. Just beyond the gate, lit warmly by the sunset, was the old mansion in Twilight Town.
Before Roxas could ask the void what the big idea was, the image panned down. As if looking through a different set of eyes, he was suddenly staring down at someone else’s body. He didn’t recognize what they wore, but the thick, silver chain around their neck jumped out. A quick glance down and to his right confirmed that he was looking at the very same platinum crown resting against their collarbone.
Am I looking through… Sora’s eyes?
The frame shifted again as the subject looked back up. The uneven motion made it feel like he was watching the work of an amateur videographer who had a hard time steadying the camera. This cameraman was now heading through the gate toward the mansion, each step slightly bouncing the image up and down inside the frame. Already in the yard were Donald and Goofy—Then this is definitely Sora—who were meandering about. Sora stopped a short ways in to gaze up at the facade. With the slightest pan to the left, the focus settled on a large window on the second floor, its curtain flowing softly behind the glass.
I’ve been here before, Roxas thought as he squinted and instinctively took a step closer to get a better look. I remember—
Suddenly, a bright, white light emanated from below. Roxas looked down to see shining puddles of light spread across the glass and morph into birds that took to the sky in large numbers. Soon, he was surrounded by a flurry of doves, in the center of a vortex expanding outwards and eclipsing every last bit of darkness. Once they began to dissipate, he let out a gasp at what was revealed behind them.
The humid summer breeze enveloped him as he took in the amber hues of his hometown’s nostalgic sunset. Straight ahead of him, precisely where Sora had been looking a moment ago, was the mansion. Just like he’d wanted, he now had a perfect view of the window—Naminé’s window, right?—as it gleamed in the soft light. A light rustle, maybe a shadow moving behind the fabric, but he wasn’t sure. If he could just lean in a little bit closer…
With a blink, it was all gone.
Roxas stumbled forward a bit, disoriented and stripped of his senses. The warm sun in his hair, the stinging reflection of the sun in the window, the muggy air… once again, there was nothing but static, lifeless void as far he could see. As he caught himself from tripping, he noticed from the designs on the glass that he was back in his own heart.
What on earth was that? Roxas brought a hand up to his head, expecting to feel a headache blooming. Between his time in the virtual Twilight Town and the countless times he’d blacked out during Sora’s recovery in Castle Oblivion, he’d been conditioned to associate the feeling of being Sora with the subsequent feeling of overwhelming cranial pain.
But… it didn’t come. Every inch of him—as it usually was—was shrouded in the vague numbness that accompanied this mysterious, liminal space. That’s strange.
He couldn’t have been sure how long he spent afterwards sitting on the edge of his Station, gazing vacantly down into the abyss. Probably longer than was healthy, if he’d had a mind to care about that sort of thing. But in fairness, there’d never been much else to do around here during his bouts of heightened awareness.
Eventually, Roxas yawned. Also strange. He had never felt sleepy before. Not since giving up his body and taking up a permanent residence in his own heart (which seemed to take up its own residence within Sora’s heart, permanent or otherwise). Suddenly feeling very sleepy, and concerned he may doze off too close to the edge while gravity was still in effect, he lifted his legs back up onto the platform and scooted himself back a couple feet.
He yawned again as he lay down on his side, curling his arms up under his head as a makeshift pillow. It was all he had the presence of mind to do before his heavy eyelids fell shut and…
He was awake again. At least, it looked that way. He opened his eyes only to squeeze them back shut, a hand flying up to shield them from the natural light. The sun in the sky had nearly set, but the daylight was still a harsh contrast with the moody light he was used to having underfoot.
After taking a second to adjust not only to the brightness, but also to the warm air and the feeling of uneven earth under his feet, he registered that he was back in Twilight Town, staring up at the old mansion just like before.
“Huh?”
Roxas lowered his hand and took a look around. It all looked the same as it had in the data world, from the intricate carvings to the crumbling pillars. He turned to look over his shoulder and jumped in surprise. Standing by the gate was Sora, looking just as shocked as Roxas felt.
Though he looked… different, he was unmistakable. Roxas remembered him from the borrowed memories of him as a younger teen (at least the memories where he’d been standing in front of a mirror), back when he was half a head shorter. And again a year later, when they’d finally gotten to meet in reality, Sora had grown a bit and started changing his look.
Getting a good look at him now, Sora looked like he’d finally come into his own as a young man. Features a bit sharper, clothes a touch darker, hair somehow spikier. Still, Roxas knew this was the same old Sora when he saw a great big goofy smile spread across his suntanned face.
“It’s you!” Sora held his arms out in astonishment. “I could’ve sworn I felt you earlier. I was standing right where you are, actually…”
Maybe it was Sora’s natural magnetism, or maybe he wanted to spare Sora from raising his voice, but Roxas was walking over to him before he could finish speaking.
“Hey,” he sighed in relief. It had felt like ages since he’d really interacted with someone on the outside and only now was Roxas realizing how starved he’d been for human connection. “Yeah, I felt it, too. I went to your heart, then all of a sudden it was like I was really here.”
“What?” Sora raised an eyebrow.
“I know, it was weird.” Roxas said with an awkward smile. “Everything felt so real.”
“No, I mean,” Sora shook his head, “You went into my heart?”
Roxas mirrored his confused expression. “Um, yeah? You made a path for me, from my heart to yours. And then I saw a…” He raised his hands, index fingers coming together, apart, then together again to outline a rectangle shape between them. “It was, like, a window, where I watched you walking to the mansion. Then suddenly I was standing there myself.” He let his arms fall back at his sides and shrugged. “And then you kinda kicked me out, I guess.”
Sora watched him uncertainly, scrutinizing him. His eyes had a certain intensity that made Roxas straighten up a bit.
“Do you do that a lot?” Sora asked after a moment, vaguely. Roxas furrowed his brow and tilted his head in question.
“Go into my heart?” He elaborated. “And watch what I’m doing?” He looked like he was trying to hide his apprehension, but Roxas could see the discomfort clearly on his face.
Roxas cringed. “You’re making it sound creepy.” He paused for a reaction but Sora just waited, still staring. “I told you,” Roxas insisted, “a path appeared from out of nowhere and brought me there. I wasn’t just snooping around for fun, you know.”
To his credit, Sora’s expression turned sheepish and he glanced away.
“And no,” Roxas huffed. “I don’t do it a lot. This has actually never happened before.” He crossed his arms defensively and looked away in the other direction. “So,” he ended, somewhat petulantly.
Sora scratched his cheek. “I’m sorry,” he looked back at Roxas, “I didn’t mean it like that. Just… everyone’s been having so many questions about you and how you’re inside my heart, but you have your own heart,” he shifted his weight from one leg to the other for emphasis, “so I guess I’m just not sure what to make of the whole thing.”
Roxas paused his pouting and turned to face Sora. “Everyone? Who’s everyone?”
“You know,” Sora said even though Roxas didn’t, clearly. “Donald and Goofy, plus the whole Nobody team in Radiant Garden.” He crossed his arms and brought a finger up to his chin in thought. “Well, I guess they’re ex-Nobodies. Somebodies?”
“What are you talking about?” Roxas asked, because this was already over his head. Former Organization members? And they were apparently working with Sora? And where in the world was Radiant Garden?
Sora peered curiously at him. “You… really haven’t been watching what’s going on out there, huh?”
Roxas rolled his eyes. Sora was beginning to reprise his old habit of getting on his nerves. To my face, for once. “No. Why would I lie about that?”
Sora, either taking his response as rhetorical or just plain ignoring him, continued on. “I’ve been trying to follow your heart. You led us here to Twilight Town.” He gestured to Roxas. “We’re looking for a way to bring you back.”
Roxas’s mouth fell open in surprise. It was such a profound sentiment, said so casually. Which was… a very Sora thing to do. He considered what it would mean, to be a real person again. Being with his friends again, seeing the world with his own eyes… It was a dream he’d never entertained. He didn’t have the luxury to dream that it might happen to him, not since…
Roxas shook his head. “Sora, I’m a part of you now. Like I was, before any of this happened. It wasn’t fair that you got split like this in the first place.” I was never supposed to exist, he thinks, but doesn’t feel like punishing himself by saying it out loud. “I wasn’t meant to be brought back. I made my choice already.”
It hurt to say, especially when he wasn’t sure he meant it—or if it was entirely true—but he knew it was the right thing to do. There was no place in the world for a Nobody. Not even for one like him, with his own heart. It just wasn’t meant to be. His purpose was to make up Sora’s heart, to fade into the background as the shadow of Sora’s life in the light.
Surprisingly, Sora pushed back without skipping a beat. “And you chose to just disappear?” He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head; it appeared he wasn’t buying Roxas’s excuses. “Roxas, how is that fair to me? Or to all your friends who want to see you again?”
Roxas winced. He’d never had any, but he suspected it felt something like this to be reprimanded by one’s parents. It was almost like the nebulous feels-bad of being chastised by his superiors in the Organization. Now that he knew how to give names to his emotions, he could identify this one as shame. It was easily one of his least favorite downsides to having a heart. All his good reasons to disagree suddenly felt like poor excuses.
Sora sighed, his stare softening. “I told you last time, and I meant it.” He confidently took a step forward and uncrossed his arms. Still making eye contact, he semi-blindly reached out for Roxas’s arms at his sides. Gently, he slid his hands down the other boy’s arms in a facsimile of the last time Roxas had touched him. Did Sora feel as uncomfortable then as I feel now? Roxas wondered, but let Sora hold his hands anyway.
“You’re your own person, Roxas. I never wanted to fight over which one of us gets to be real. And I never wanted to force you to watch the world from inside my heart. You belong out here with us.”
Roxas had already torn his gaze away, conflicted by the kindness of Sora’s words. In the distance, a flock of birds took to the sky as the wind rustled noisily in the nearby pines. It was as if the world were stirring awake.
Sora looked around, noticing the shift. “I’m waking up,” he warned and Roxas turned to look at him again. So this… is a dream? Roxas blinked as he processed it. He knew he’d fallen asleep, but he’d never actually dreamed before. “But we’re not giving up, Roxas. I’m gonna get you back.” Sora ran his thumbs over the back of Roxas’s hands. “I promise.”
The same magnetism as before pulled Roxas in closer, Sora’s resolute eyes like a lighthouse in a storm, transfixing him. Despite his reluctance to assent to Sora’s self-imposed rescue mission, he found himself responding instinctively, like quoting a line from a play he knew well. “I know you will.”
Sora held on tighter as Roxas watched him smile again and draw in a deep breath, his eyes closing in anticipation. Then, like a slide changing in a viewfinder, Roxas blinked and everything went black.