Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Simon stood trembling at the edge of the Hotel Dumort roof, willing himself to jump.

Below was a long, long drop to the dark alley. If he jumped, this would end. All of it. He wouldn't have the shame of not being able to face Clary again, he would be properly dead instead of this monster, this thing existing between the living and the dead...

And this hunger, the hunger that was tearing him up from the inside, would be gone.

He took a breath, closing his eyes. Anything, he'd do anything for sweet oblivion...

"What do you think you're doing?" said a smooth, low voice behind him.

Simon whipped his head round. He was still panting in panic, pupils blown, but Raphael regarded him as inscrutably as ever, casual and composed. The night seemed to make his pale skin shine, the thick sheaf of his hair quiffed over his forehead. Like usual he was dressed in dark jeans and a dark jacket, although vampires usually slept through the day until about eight o'clock at night. Did he sleep fully clothed, Simon wondered, because that was just weird. Then again, thinking of Raphael sleeping in just boxers was also weird, because...wait. Jesus, why couldn't he think straight? He was about to kill himself.

He told this to Raphael, in a choked, half-mad voice, though he thought it probably looked pretty obvious.

"By throwing yourself off the roof?" Raphael asked, one eyebrow raised. He had a way of speaking that made it seem like he was endlessly amused and exasperated by everything Simon said. It was beyond infuriating.

"No, I'm just teetering here on the edge whilst I decide on the best way!" Simon snapped back. He was fully aware he sounded half-hysterical, but he didn't really care. Hunger was squeezing his throat and stomach even tighter, like someone clenching him with an iron grip. He had never been so thirsty... "Yes, you idiot, by jumping off the roof. So stop distracting me so I can do it. I can't...I can't be this monster. I can't live with these fangs and not being able to step in the sunlight and not being able to see Clary...that's not living. So I might as well be dead."

He turned to peer off the roof again, taking another breath as he sent a final farewell to Clary in his head. Would she care that he was gone, after he'd been so horrible to her at the graveyard and made her feel so guilty? Of course she would. She loved him. Just never in the way he'd wanted her to.

"Hey, Lewis?" Raphael asked. For god's sake. Did everything he said have to be so godamn arrogant?

Simon whirled round. "What?"

"Have you never seen a vampire movie? There's only two ways we can die. A stake through the heart or contact with sunlight." Raphael gave him a slow grin, revealing two pointed fangs. "But please, jump off the roof if you feel like it. But that's a lot of stairs to climb back up when you land on your feet down below."

Simon stared at him, opening and closing his mouth. He could his feel his disbelief slowly melting into shock, and then embarrassment. Of course he'd known that- he'd watched tons of vampire movies. "Fine" he mumbled at last, stepping back and facing him. "Then give me a stake. Because I can't..." he winced, bracing a hand against his throat. "Take this hunger anymore. It's agony."

Reaching inside his jacket, Raphael drew out a hospital bag of dark red liquid. Just the sight of it sent a pang of hunger so painful reverberating through Simon's body that he yelled out, his fangs throbbing in his gums. Raphael held it out to him, eyebrows raised. "Then take it."

"No. No!" In his haste to get away Simon almost stumbled, shaking his head violently. "I won't be a blood sucking leech, I won't be a monster who drinks blood. It's wrong and it's horrible and I won't-" he broke off with a gasp as Raphael gave a casual shrug and ripped off the top of the bag, raising it to his mouth.

Holding Simon's gaze, one corner of his mouth lifted up. "Don't mind if I do, then." Noisily, he began to drink the contents of the bag, which disappeared surprisingly quickly.

Simon watched with eyes the size of dinner plates, his whole body thrumming with need. It was taking every single ounce of his self-control to stay where he was and not tear the bag from his hands. He focused on Clary instead, Clary would need to see him sane and okay, Clary with her fiery red hair and wide green eyes, Clary with her smile and her...

"Mmm." Raphael drained the last of the bag, allowing one scarlet drop to trail slowly from the corner of his mouth below he languorously wiped it away, seeming to enjoy Simon's fixated gaze. Without his permission, a deep guttural moan left his throat as Raphael licked the last of the blood from his fingers. Vampires couldn't blush, but Simon was almost positive he would have done as Raphael glanced up at him, smirking.

"I hate you." The words left him in a breathless rush. "I hate you so much right now...urgh."

Again, Raphael slid a hand into his jacket and drew out two more packets of blood. Simon stared. "Take it" Raphael said in a low voice, holding them out to him.

"I can'-", before the 't' had even left his mouth, Simon had wrenched the two packets out his hand, tearing off their tops with his teeth before knocking back his head to pour the hot, delicious liquid into his mouth. And it was like...heaven. Like nothing he'd ever tasted before. It seemed to fill him with warmth and light, extinguishing his hunger and banishing the aching pain, leaving him with a satisfying fullness as the second bag hit the floor empty. All in the space of about thirty seconds.

Raphael was staring at him, eyebrows raised. "You really were thirsty."

Simon nodded. Now that the hunger wasn't claiming his every thought, he was aware of his new vampire senses- the hum of electricity in the city all around them, car horns and voices, the smells of the Chinese takeaway a block away and Raphael's faint cologne...

"Aren't you going to thank me?" the other vampire asked, smirking again. He smirked way too much. But that's what you did if your job was being a full-time arrogant vampire, Simon supposed.

"Thank you" he said reluctantly. "Although this doesn't mean I'm any less stressed, you should know. This is...I'm disgusting." He looked down at the empty packets before him, feeling a wave of disgust hit his chest. What was he doing?

"Look, Lewis, I hate to break it to you but this is who you are now." Raphael took a step forward and poked him in the chest, eyes dark and serious. "You need to forget about that past self. You're different now, you're someone else entirely- the old you has died and the quicker you mourn him and move on the better. But you're faster now, smarter, stronger" he paused, eyes sweeping over Simon for a moment. "More handsome."

Simon half-cleared his throat, his eyes skittering away from Raphael's intense gaze. The guy really knew how to hold eye contact. Trying to keep it as casual as the other vampire, he focused on reading a flyer for a club which was lying abandoned on the roof, blown over on some windy day- Bangin' tunes and a great night!

Wait. He was reading? Quickly, he reached up to touch his face. He wasn't wearing any glasses. His heart flipped- he honestly wasn't made for all this stress, he'd barely been awake for half an hour and already had had more than double his daily dose of stress.

"My glasses...what the...?" he said, a little panicked. "I always wear my glasses. But I can see now? Is this some sort of vampire spell you put on me or something, because I swear to God-"

"Perfect senses are part of the package deal of being a vampire" Raphael replied, rolling his eyes. "And we're vampires, not warlocks." He sighed, like Simon's stupidity was just too much for him to deal with anymore. "I'm going back down. When you're finished being ridiculous, feel free to come and find me." With that, he had somehow made it to the door onto the roof in the blur of an eye, and was closing it behind him.

Simon stood alone on the roof for a moment, the sky fully dark above him now and all the lights of New York alive and bright. Night had taken charge.

Despite his arrogance and the way he seemed to think Simon was the most stupid person who had ever existed- though he was actually a straight A student, thank you very much- Raphael might actually be right. You're different now, you're someone else entirely. He wasn't clumsy anymore, he had badass senses, he looked better, apparently- those were all good things.

Maybe it wouldn't be so awful, being a vampire. True, he had to live in the same building as the smuggest vampire on earth, but he had nice cologne. And he said Simon was handsome. Sort of.

Anyway.

Maybe he should go back in and try and get through the next twelve hours, at least.

Later that night, someone knocked on Simon's bedroom door.

He'd been pacing, mostly, in his room for the past few hours, just trying to get his head in the right place. It was a lot to take in, after all. Waking up one day as a member of the walking dead was not your everyday occurrence.

Plus, he hadn't been too keen to go out and meet all the other vampires. They all slept during the day to avoid the sun but were sociable at night-time, training and eating together. Though the worst of them-Camille- was being kept as prisoner down in the basement, the rest of them hadn't looked too friendly. Although as a rule vampires weren't the friendliest of folk- mostly dark and broody.

Simon hoped to be the exception to that rule. His sense of humour was one of the best of his many great attributes, let's be honest.

"Come in" he called, a bit nervously, stopping his pacing.

The door clicked open softly, and the guy stood in the doorway smiled at him. Like all the other vampires he was dressed all in black, with fair hair and piercing blue eyes, and cheekbones to die for. Gorgeous, in other words. But unlike the others, he actually seemed friendly- his smile had no menace to it, and he held out his hand for Simon to shake. "Hey. I'm Finn."

Finn. What a perfect name. Shaking himself mentally, Simon forced himself to get a grip- he shook the guys hand. "I'm. Er, I mean, I'm Simon."

"Nice to meet you" Finn said in a friendly tone. A friendly vampire? "There's no need to hide away in here all night, by the way. The other guys don't bite." He winked, and a second too late Simon realised he was making a joke and then he laughed, probably a bit too enthusiastically. "I was sent by Raphael to come get you."

Simon tried to make a joke to hide his nerves. "That sounds a bit ominous. He does realise I decided my mind about the whole stake thing, right?"

"Don't worry about it. I think he wants to start your training." Finn stepped back, holding the door open for him. "I'll take you to the training room."

Finn led the way through the dark corridors, making friendly conversation as he did so- asking Simon about what he liked to do with his time, and making polite impressed noises when he mentioned his band. Which might have caused Simon to go on a five minute explanation of exactly what sort of music he wrote, which basically was just showing off. They passed through a lobby type-room with a bar where a lot of other vampires were hanging around chatting and drinking glasses filled with crimson liquid, but as they passed conversations died and heads swivelled round to stare at him. "Alright?" Simon smiled weakly, nearly jumping out his skin when one of them hissed at him. Finn waved to a few people.

Finally, they stopped outside some double doors which Finn pushed open to reveal a huge, beautiful room with a tall ceiling. The walls were wood panelled and covered in weapons of all shapes and sizes, whilst tall windows stretched from floor to ceiling, revealing views over the city.

"Woah" Simon breathed, looking around.

"It's the old ballroom." Raphael had slunk out of the shadows themselves, stripped to just his jeans and a tight black t-shirt, revealing pale muscular arms. "They threw grand dances here when the hotel was in business."

Simon jumped. "Jeez. You like doing that, don't you? Just melting out the shadows and scaring the shit out of me. Do you think you could give a warning or something next time?"

"But that would ruin the effect" the other vampire replied dryly.

Finn laughed, keeping his gaze on Raphael. Simon's stomach turned. Was he flirting? "Don't give Simon a hard time, okay? I think he's a bit highly strung."

"I can confirm" Simon said, nodding vigorously.

"We'll see." Raphael looked to Finn, a smirk still playing about his mouth. "What do you think of our new recruit, Finn?"

"I like him" Finn replied with a matching grin, and Simon felt a swell of pride. Although Finn was definitely flirting with Raphael. He wasn't quite sure how to feel about this, so he stored the piece of information away for later.

"How cute" said Raphael dryly. "Go back and join the others, and close the door behind you." He seemed quickly dismissive, striding back to grab two short knives from a rack on the wall.

Finn nodded. "Yes sir." He did as he was told, leaving the two of them suddenely very alone in the large shadowy room. Simon was surprised at how obedient everyone seemed to be towards Raphael- they respected him instead of just blindly following orders. It seemed he was good leader.

Turning his attention back to Raphael, he blinked because- wow, knives. He was holding one in each hand, balancing easily on the balls of his feet, before he tossed one to Simon.

"Hey!" Simon yelped, and then somehow the knife was in his hand. Huh. Maybe he could have had that skill in High School- would have saved him a lot of the crap he got for being awful at games. At least Clary had always pretended to be awful too (even though she wasn't), so that he wasn't alone.

"Why do we even need to train anyway? Aren't we pretty well equipped?" He pointed to his fangs.

Raphael rolled his eyes as if, once again, Simon's stupidity had aged him about a thousand years. "Vampires have lots of natural enemies- werewolves, other downwolders, and shadowhunters. You need to be able to rely on more than just your fangs."

"But not all shadowhunters and vampires are enemies, are they?" Simon asked, looking down at his knife. "I mean, we can still be friends."

Raphael snorted. "Shadowhunters hate all downwolders, they think they're better than us and they always will do."

Simon swallowed. Surely he and Clary would still be friends- they'd known each other all their lives and stayed friends despite many small fights and chaos over the years. Admittedly that friendship would be hard to keep judging by the fact Simon wanted to sink his teeth into her neck every time he thought about her, but still. He would try his damnest.

He could Raphael watching him, his gaze intense and penetrating all at once. "Simon. It will be near impossible to keep your friendship with the shadowhunter girl. You are on two different sides of a struggle that has been going on for eternity."

His voice lacked the usual arrogance and contempt, and the use of his first name made Simon look up in surprise, but his voice was still sharp. "Clary. Her name is Clary. And if it's near impossible, it's still possible, isn't it?"

Raphael made a noise of frustration, before just shaking his head. "Forget it. We need to start your training. I like to do it as soon as possible with all new vampires, and seeing as you're especially incompetent I think it's even more important."

Feeling more than a flicker of irritation at constantly being mocked, Simon gritted his teeth and tried to listen to what Raphael was telling him about offense and defence, attacking and blocking, but his mind wandered. Suddenely Raphael was saying, "Ready? Go" and before Simon could reply Raphael had jumped on him with his knife, knocking Simon's own weapon to the floor and straddling him on the cold wooden tiles.

Simon expected a scathing comment, but all Raphael said was, "let's go again" before giving him a hand up. The other vampire's hand was ice cold, and though Simon expected it, shivers still went through his body. Raphael let go quickly.

He was a quick, direct teacher but Simon still wasn't able to concentrate. By the third time he had been knocked to the floor with Raphael practically sitting on his chest, he was gritting his teeth in irritation.

Apparently, so was Raphael. "Are you even trying? I don't think anyone has ever been this awful before" he snapped, muttering under his breath in angry Spanish.

"Would you stop criticising me?" Simon shot back, finally letting all his frustration loose. "I'm sick of how arrogant and rude you are. Do you know what has happened to me in the last twenty four hours, pal? I died- like actually died, and then I came back as this half-dead monster thing, Clary is now terrified of me, I live in a house of freaks, I almost committed suicide and now you are knocking me to the floor. I'm done." They both glared at each other for a furious moment until Simon noticed that Raphael's quiff was sort of coming apart, and a lock of his dark hair had fallen over his forehead. Which was much more distracting than it ought to have been. After he noticed this, it came to his attention that Raphael still had a knee braced either side of his waist, and was leaning close enough for Simon to almost feel his breath. Also, he could smell his cologne again.

It seemed Raphael started to feel awkward about this around the same time he did, because he abruptly rolled to the side and stood up. "Fine" he said shortly. "Let's have a break."

"Thank you." Simon sat up cross-legged, calming himself by focusing on the shaft of moonlight now falling through the tall windows and slanting across the floor towards him. Raphael stood directly in it, so it looked like his whole body was glowing somehow. "It's just quite a big deal, finding out you're a vampire" he said finally, his voice quieter.

"I understand that" said Raphael after a moment. He'd moved back to lean on the wall so that he was in shadow again, meaning Simon couldn't see his expression. Oddly though, he didn't sound mocking. It was like he only had three settings- mocking, angry or inscrutable.

"It took me a long time to accept it" Simon went on. He didn't know why he was saying all this- he just felt the need to tell someone, and oddly enough he felt a certain peace between the two of them, sat quietly in the moonlight. "I mean, I actually ordered a garlic bagel with extra garlic to check if I really was a vampire."

Raphael made an odd choking noise. Simon looked up sharply, not knowing whether to be concerned or not. "What?"

"You" Raphael said, making the choking noise again. "You're just...why am I not surprised." Finally, Simon realised the choking noise was laughter- Raphael, the king of being impossible to read, was actually laughing. At him, but whatever.

Suddenely Simon was glad for the shadows, so Raphael couldn't see how hard he was trying not to grin.

Chapter Text

The next few days- or nights, rather- were not as horrifically awful as Simon expected. He didn’t get quite so low as to want to kill himself again, for one. Also, no one else tried to kill him. Admittedly, once when he chanced trying to get a drink at the bar and accidentally took a sip from someone else’s glass he got a very furious and very terrifying vampire in his face before Raphael had snapped a warning. The other guy had backed off, impressively ashamed by Raphael’s scolding. So, all in all, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.

However, it was just extremely boring. He missed feeling the sun on his face, the freedom to walk around- instead he spent long lonely nights in his room, venturing out to explore if he was feeling brave, but he was scared of the other vampires. They didn’t make it a secret that they didn’t like him.

About a week after he’d arrived at the Hotel Dumort, Finn invited Simon to come hang out in his room at around midnight. Probably he was feeling sorry for him, which was a bit embarrassing, but Simon was still pathetically grateful.

Finn had decorated his room with posters of bands he liked, and there were magazines and clothes scattered around. It didn’t really look like a vampire’s room. They ended up, oddly enough, playing video games and sitting on the edge of his bed. “So you seem a bit happier then when you first arrived” Finn said.

“Well I was only hanging on to my sanity by a thread then” Simon replied, then, “hey, what are you…hey! Don’t you dare throw that bomb! You…oh man. That was brutal.” Blood dripped down his side of the screen as Finn’s character pumped the air in triumph. “The thing is,” he went on, when Finn had stopped laughing and they were onto the next game, “what do you do around here? For fun, I mean. I’m literally losing my mind with boredom.”

“Well, I guess…oh! Hello there” Finn said suddenely, looking up at the doorway and pausing the video game.

Simon made an annoyed noise, because he totally just been about to take his revenge on Finn’s avatar, but was surprised to see Raphael leaning against the doorway, arms crossed. A little self-consciously, he reached up and ran a hand through his tussled hair. He hadn’t really seen Raphael around that much- as clan leader, he always seemed to be striding around on important business, leaving the hotel with his closest advisors (this normally included Finn) and securing them all food, of course.

“Have you got a spare few minutes, Finn?” he asked brusquely, with only a brisk nod in Simon’s direction.

“Always for you, sir” Finn replied with a blatantly flirtatious grin. Which was a little too much in Simon’s opinion- like okay, we get it, you fancy him but at the same time he’s also your boss? He was probably just annoyed from not being able to rightfully win the current round of their game.

“Should I leave?” he asked a little reluctantly, guessing it was probably important clan business as usual.

“You don’t have to-” Finn started, at the same time Raphael said, “yes.”

“Well.” Simon stood up and dropped his controller on the bed, taking his dismissal oddly personally. “See you around then.”

When he got back to his room he was restless, feeling a bit pissed off. What was Raphael’s problem, anyway? Every time Simon seemed to vaguely socialise with anyone- this was nearly always Finn- he got even more brisk and inscrutable than ever, like he was offended or something. Did he not want him to talk to the other vampires? Was he too ‘incompetent’ to fully be involved with the clan?

Letting out a sigh of frustration, he tried to distract himself by checking his phone to see if anyone had texted him- Clary did most days, which was relief- they were back to normal again, or at least it seemed like it. Raphael had been wrong- it was stupid to say shadowhunters and downwolders couldn’t be friends. Rules didn’t usually apply to him and Clary, anyway.

But his phone was free from messages, so Simon decided to go up to the roof instead. He spent a long while up there, swinging his legs over the edge and looking out over the city. Not speaking to people made him agitated- talking was his natural state of being, and yet here he had no one to talk to. Damn Hotel Dumort. Damn Raphael.

He was still angry when he finally went back to his room, about a good half hour later, because he’d decided it might be better to be bored in his room than bored up on the cold roof. When he shoved open his bedroom door though, there was something waiting on his bed.

Simon stopped. And stared. It was a guitar. A real, honest to god, acoustic guitar, sitting on his bed and shinning with how new and perfect it was. He’d never seen anything more beautiful in his life. Instantly he swept forwards and grabbed it, placing it tenderly on his knee and playing a few chords- God, it felt like years since he’d played anything.

It was only when he’d been messing around with it for a while that his heart eyes disappeared enough for him to notice the note lying beside him on the sheets. Meet me in the training room at 12:45. The writing was spiky and unfamiliar, but Simon could only guess at Raphael. Surely he hadn’t been the one to give him this guitar though? He thought Simon was ridiculous and incompetent, he’d made that pretty clear, and he was probably only letting him stay here because otherwise he’d face the wrath of Clary and the other shadowhunters. Then again, he’d entered the room when Simon had been telling Finn about how bored he was, so it could have been Finn, which was infinitely more likely.

His watch read 12:47, so with a groan of frustration Simon tenderly laid his guitar on the bed and hurried to the training room. When he entered, the large room was as empty and shadowy as ever, until Raphael emerged from the darkness with a scowl. “You’re late.”

“Nice to see you too” Simon muttered, watching him keenly for any suggestion that Raphael had been the one to leave the guitar with the note. “Someone had left me something, and it was quite a distracting something.”

“Really?” the other vampire replied in a tone that suggested he couldn’t be more uninterested, already striding back to the wall to grab two knives. Surprising himself, Simon found he was disappointed. It must have been Finn who left the guitar- Raphael obviously didn’t care.

For the next twenty minutes or so they practiced the same blocks and lunges, and slowly Raphael’s exasperating Spanish muttering died down. It wasn’t exactly a compliment, but it was close. Simon would take it.

Still, he was relieved when his phone started ringing. There was only so many times that you could be knocked to the ground before it started getting boring. “You should have turned that off-” Raphael started, unimpressed, but Simon ignored him and seized it anyway. Raphael looked murderous- he probably wasn’t used to being disobeyed, and the thought was oddly satisfying.

It was Clary, and she seemed excited to talk to him. “I’m sorry to call you so late.”

“Is it late? It feels like the middle of the day for me.”

It took a moment for her to get the joke, but when she did she laughed- the sound of her laughter was so warm and familiar that Simon actually closed his eyes, forgetting his aching muscles as a smile spread over his face. “Do you remember that Alec and Lydia are getting married?” she hurried on, “things have been so crazy here, preparing for the wedding. I’ve been helping Izzy decorate for hours, but it’s so fun! Anyway, I just thought I’d ask if you wanted to be my date for the wedding?”

Something wonderful happened in Simon’s chest at her question. Behind him, Raphael let out a very pointed and very irritated sigh, causing Simon to raise his voice and act even more cheerful than he already felt. “Be your date for the wedding, did you just say? What about Jace?”

Some of the brightness left Clary’s voice. “Erm, Jace and I are working some things out right now. So are you able to come or not? I completely understand if you can’t, seeing as it’s such late notice and you might want to stay with Raphael-”

“No, count me in” he said firmly.

“Oh, Simon, you mean it?” she burst out in excitement.

“Definitely.” He was grinning. “I’d love to be your date for the day, Clary. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Oh Simon you’re the best. I love you so much.”

His chest flipped again. “Love you too. See you tomorrow.”

When she hung up, he was still grinning from the warmth the sound of her voice and her excitement gave him. Although Raphael’s face was positively stormy, his arms crossed over his chest.

“Are you done talking to your shadowhunter girlfriend? Or should we just quit training altogether, so you two can have a proper catch up?”

“Woah.” Simon held his hands up at the iciness in his tone. “I couldn’t just ignore the call.”

Raphael just shook his head, mouth set as he strode towards the door.

Simon stared after him, mouth open. “Where are you going?”

“I’m leaving. I’m not staying here if you’re not properly committed.”

“Hey, what is your problem?” Simon snapped after him, but the door had already swung shut. Filled with a shocked rage, Simon let out a little yell of frustration. Raphael was the most broody, annoying vampire he’d ever met. Why did he constantly have such a stick up his ass all the time?

Couldn’t he ever, for the love of God, have fun for once?

The following evening Simon woke up early to get ready for the wedding, which started at eight PM. Apparently shadowhunter weddings were traditionally night-time affairs, which worked with him. Also he really wanted to play his guitar.

He spent about half an hour strumming and humming half-melodies to himself that he’d formed in his head, losing himself in the music and how gorgeous the instrument was- a bit different to his battered up one at home- before someone knocked on the door. It was Finn. “Hey, aren’t you getting ready for the wedding yet? You’re going to be late, and God you’re not going in that.”

Simon looked down at his usual jeans and ratty old band t-shirt. “What’s wrong with it?”

Finn looked horrified. “It’s a wedding, Simon, not a poetry reading. Please tell me you have something smart to wear.”

“I…Oh, my God.” A sudden panic seized him. Most of his things were still at home, including the majority of his clothes- he didn’t even have a single smart shirt, let alone a suit. “Can’t I borrow something of yours?”

“I would offer, but I’m too tall. It would be a dress on you” Finn replied, biting his lip. “You’ll have to ask Raphael. You two are probably around the same size, I’d bet.”

“Ha.” Simon put the guitar on the bed, shaking his head firmly. “No way.”

Finn blinked at him. “Why not?”

Simon let out a flat laugh. No way was he asking Raphael if he could borrow a suit, when he obviously thought Simon was the most infuriating creature to walk the earth. God, just the thought of his smug face made Simon’s blood boil. He was so done with the clan leader.

“I hate to break it to you, but it’s either that or you wear jeans” Finn said, crossing his arms.

How could he have been so stupid not to think of this before? Either option was equally horrible- turning up to the wedding of the year in ratty jeans, not to mention in front of Clary; compared to asking the most maddening vampire in the world to borrow his clothes. Neither were viable in his mind. And yet Simon hated the thought of Jace smirking at Simon’s awful clothes as he sat there in the pew feeling awkward with everyone else dressed in their finery around him.

“That is not even a choice” he muttered crossly. “This is barbaric, I…fine. Fine.” He closed his eyes briefly. “I will just have to try and ignore how smug Raphael will look when I ask him.”

“It will be fine” Finn encouraged him, already ushering him out the door. “Just hurry up already, you’re going to be late.”

Simon let himself be hurried out, before something occurred to him and he spun back round in the doorway, his face breaking out into a grin. “Finn, I completely forgot! Thank you so much for the guitar- it’s literally the best thing that’s happened since I got here. Seriously man, I can’t believe you actually went out and bought one for me-”

Finn’s brow wrinkled with confusion. “Guitar? Huh?” He looked down at the one on the bed, frowning.

“Yeah. Um, didn’t you buy for me? Place it on my best last night?”

“No, Simon.” At first Simon started to grin, expecting it to be a joke and for Finn to start laughing at any moment, but the other vampire actually looked completely serious. “I didn’t buy you the guitar- honestly I didn’t really notice it until you said, but oh god it’s beautiful! Man, I’m so jealous! Look at the polish on that thing.”

“I know right” Simon replied, but to be honest he was no longer listening. His mind had tumbled away into shock, thinking of last night when Raphael had appeared to be so disinterested in the guitar- almost too disinterested. And then he’d been so weirdly cross when Simon was talking to Clary- was he annoyed Simon hadn’t thought to thank him?

Saying goodbye to Finn, he hurried away down the corridor until he got to Raphael’s room from following his instructions. Pausing outside the door a moment, Simon took a breath and knocked.

There was a long pause, and just as he was about to knock again he head Raphael say in a cautious voice, “come in.”

Simon opened the door and stepped inside. He wasn’t really sure what he’d expected of Raphael’s room- it was definitely larger, a whole series of rooms all inter-linking and stretching out in front of him, with the same dark and opulent décor, but it was all freakishly neat. Hardly anything personal to suggest it belonged to someone- no tiny knickknacks or posters, no clothes on the floor or trinkets. Just a few books on the shelf and a long stake hanging on the wall. Raphael himself had been sat in a winged armchair near the window with a book, but he stood abruptly when Simon came in, his expression flattening so that it was instantly unreadable. “Lewis. What do you want?”

“Why did you buy me a guitar?” Simon blurted out.

To his relief, Raphael was so surprised that his blank mask slipped off to reveal genuine shock behind it. “I…why are you asking this now?” It seemed like he was searching for words.

Simon shrugged. “Because I thought it was Finn, but I asked him and he didn’t know anything about it. Last night, when I mentioned it, it was like you didn’t care.” He swallowed. “Do you wish you hadn’t given it to me or something?”

Raphael cleared his throat. For the first time ever, it occurred to Simon that the other vampire actually looked a little…awkward. The thought caused something weird to happen in his stomach. “I don’t know. When I came into Finn’s room the other day you were telling him how bored you were, and I know you like music so I…it’s not a big thing, anyway” he added, suddenely defensive and almost broody again. “It’s just a guitar.”

Simon shook his head, trying not to smile.

Raphael stared at him. “What?” he demanded.

“I…nothing” Simon said, still trying very hard not to smile. “At least let me say thank you.” He held Raphael’s gaze. “It’s a really beautiful guitar.”

Raphael seemed to relax a bit, a hint of his usual smug smirk creeping onto his own face. “It’s a well-known fact that I have impeccable taste.”

“Speaking of your impeccable taste,” Simon hurried on, now taking his turn to feel awkward, “do you think I could maybe borrow one of your suits for the wedding?”

For a moment Raphael blinked at him, smirking a little in the way Simon had been expecting, before he turned and strode into the next room. “Sure. Follow me.”

The next room turned out to be Raphael’s bedroom, just as eerily neat and almost empty of personal touches. It felt weirdly personal to see his neatly made bed, his cologne sitting on the ebony dresser. Mentally shaking himself, Simon focused on Raphael opening up his tall wardrobe, and after a moment of thinking he drew out a fitted suit such a dark blue it was almost black, and handed it to him. “Try this one.” He pointed to a door set into the wall which opened into a small bathroom.

Simon thanked him, unable somehow to meet his eye, and hurriedly changed into the suit. It felt comfortable and fit him well, the fabric soft and smelling faintly like Raphael did- cologne and steel and blood. For a moment Simon pressed his face into his shoulder, breathing in the scent. Then he jerked his head up and looked in the mirror, surprised at what he saw. The suit fit him so that his shoulders looked broader, the cut straight and sure, making him look older and more sophisticated somehow.

Raphael cleared his throat outside the door. “You do know the wedding starts in half an hour? Or are you planning to stay in there now instead.”

Rolling his eyes, Simon opened the door and stepped out, “You know, you don’t always have to be so impatient- what?” He broke off abruptly, alarmed.

Raphael, who had been standing impatiently, had dropped his arms and was staring at him with wide eyes. There was something completely unguarded about his expression, like Simon’s appearance had surprised him so much for some reason that he’d forgotten to look smug.

“Nothing” the other vampire said after a moment. “You just look different, is all.”

“Yeah?” Simon grinned at him. “The kind of different that will make Clary do a double take?”

He regretted his words as soon as he said them- shutters slammed down over Raphael’s expression, and his voice came out surly. “Maybe if it’s one of distaste.”

“Haha” Simon said sarcastically. Then, before he could lose his nerve, “do you want to come with me?”

“What?”

“To the wedding” he said, speaking way too fast in his nerves. “I mean, I know you would probably hate it because I know you hate shadowhunters but I just thought it might be fun. It’s supposed to be like the wedding of the season and you could sit next to me if you wanted and we could secretly laugh at everyone’s outfits-”

“No thank you” Raphael said firmly.

“No?” Simon felt a rush of heat into his face, and was immensely grateful vampire’s couldn’t blush. “Um. Okay. That’s fair enough, I guess.”

“It’s not that I don’t…” Raphael stopped and shook his head. “You’re right. I don’t like shadowhunters, and they don’t like me. It won’t be so bad for you because you have friends there, but all I would get is dark glances and hushed whispers.” He laughed humourlessly. “Trust me, I’ve tried to mix with them before and it never works.”

A part of Simon wanted to persist in trying to persuade him, but from Raphael’s set expression he realised that it would be futile. “Fine. Well, thanks for the suit-”

“Wait” Raphael said quickly, “you can’t go looking like that.”

“Hey, I thought you said it looked okay!”

“No, your hair, your idiot.” Raphael rolled his eyes heavily, taking a small pot of hair mousse off the top of his dresser. “It looks like you just rolled out of bed.”

“But I did practically just roll out of bed.”

Ignoring this, Raphael held out the pot of hair mousse to him. Bewildered, Simon looked at it, at his face, and then back again. “What? I don’t know anything about this fancy hair stuff. I’ll probably end up looking like I’ve been electrocuted or something, and I’m not sure if that’s any better than looking like I just rolled out of bed.”

Muttering something exasperated under his breath in Spanish (Simon really needed to start learning the language so that he knew what he was saying half the time), Raphael grabbed Simon’s shoulders and steered him over towards his dressing table, where he plonked him down on a stool. “Shut up and sit still.”

It took a moment for Simon to find his words. Whenever Raphael touched him unexpectantly, which wasn’t often, it always took a beat for his brain to get past all the !!!! to being back to normal. “You can’t just tell me what to do.”

“I’m your clan leader” Raphael said smoothly, “of course I can.” With that, he expertly swiped out a small amount of the white mousse with two fingers, and started working it into Simon’s hair. His fingers were soft and moist with the mousse, and unexpectantly gentle as he teased the hair into a stylish quiff not alike his own.

Simon’s mouth was already open to retort, but whatever he’d been about to say died on his lips as he quietly absorbed the feeling of Raphael’s hands in his hair. Ohgodohgodohgod. Not a small part of him was inwardly freaking out. In a big way. When he glanced upwards, Raphael was looking at him in the mirror and their eyes met for a second.

Holy

Fuck.

His mouth had gone dry. Abruptly, the other vampire looked away which felt like a punch in the gut. “There.” Raphael stood back. “You’re done.”

In the mirror, a handsome, older looking guy stared back at him- light brown hair was quiffed sexily over his head, shoulders broad and throat lined by the collar of the suit. No glasses, no cowslip over his forehead. Simon tried to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth as his brain struggled to formulate a sentence. Get. It. Together. “Thanks” he said finally, his voice quiet.

Raphael just nodded, busying himself with putting away the mousse before entering the bathroom to wash his hands. Simon took this as his dismissal- darn it he was going to be so late anyway- so he stood up and made his way out the room. Inwardly, he was struggling with the desire to say something more to Raphael and not knowing what else to say. Thank you for the guitar again? But he’d already done that, and he didn’t want Raphael to think he was sucking up or anything. Pun not intended.

“Say hi to Magnus for me” Raphael called out unexpectantly behind him.

Turning, Simon saw him leaning in the doorway of the bathroom, smirking a little with his arms crossed over his chest. Leaning was one of his things, apparently. “Magnus? I strongly suspect he won’t feel the need to come and celebrate Alec getting married to Lydia.”

Raphael just smirked at him, shrugging. “We’ll see.” When it became apparent that this was all he was going to say, Simon gave a weird little wave, inwardly punched himself for being so awkward, and walked out the room.

Thankfully, although he was terribly late when he arrived, some people were still milling around in the large room between the rows of chairs facing the front.

He’d taken his time on the walk over- it had been almost two weeks since he’d been outside the Hotel Dumort, and everything from the skyscrapers to the rubbish at his feet all looked so fresh and wonderful that he hadn’t been able to help himself from beaming at it all.

“Simon!” He spotted Clary from her shock of bright ginger hair, waving at him enthusiastically from the front pew beside a few other shadowhunters. Alec, Isabelle and Jace were already waiting at the front- Simon was selfishly pleased to note that Jace and Clary were making a big show of not looking at each other.

“Hey!” he grinned when he reached her, throwing their arms round each other. Clary had always been the best at hugs- she squeezed him tightly, her hair tickling his cheek, all of it achingly familiar. “I’ve missed you so much!”

“Me too” she said when they let go out of each other, before her eyes swept over him and widened considerably . “Oh my god, Simon! Look at you!”

His laugh was a little nervous. “Is that a positive tone of voice? I can’t really tell.”

Clary looked a little stunned, shaking her head as she stared at him. “You look…wait, is that your suit?”

“No. I borrowed it from Raphael.” Simon could feel the grin on his face- the thrill of seeing her made it impossible not to smile. Plus, he was showing off. A little.

She blinked at him, evidently surprised. “Raphael let you borrow his things? Wow, he must really like you.”

“I…trust me, I don’t think he does.” For about the hundredth time, Simon silently thanked the world that he no longer had the ability to blush. “Actually, I think he thinks I’m the most annoying being ever to exist.”

Clary just gave him a funny little smile which made him feel confused and a little stupid, like she knew something that he didn’t and it amused her. Before he could ask though, the music started and all the guests hurriedly took their seats. A moment later, Lydia Branwell appeared in the doorway to a collection of impressed ooh’s and aah’s- admittedly she did look beautiful, her dress pale and shimmery, her hair swept into an intricate plait that swung over her shoulder. Simon exchanged a smile with Clary, who squeezed his arm excitedly.

Although he obviously wasn’t familiar with shadowhunter wedding ceremonies so he didn’t really get what was going on half the time, it was still a beautiful and poignant moment. It also helped that Alec looked extremely fine in his suit.

It was nearing the end of the ceremony, when Lydia had picked up a glowing stele to trace a union rune on Alec’s arm- the rune was the approximation of mundane vows, Clary whispered to him- when there was a great echoing bang.

The two huge double doors at the end of the aisle banged back off the walls as Magnus Bane, the high warlock of New York, strode through them and stopped dead in the middle of the aisle. The crimson velvet coat he wore flapped at his thighs, his eyes outlined in electric blue as they focused directly on Alec.

Whispers erupted through the congregation. Simon, for his part, was open mouthed. Had Raphael known this was going to happen somehow? He knew they were friends, because they were both immortals who had been living in New York for a very long time. In fact, Simon had always been a little jealous of their friendship; Magnus seemed such an amazing guy whom he wanted to get to know more, seeing as he had the most amazing fashion sense of anyone he’d ever seen, had a fabulous sense of humour, and was openly bisexual. All of these things made him pretty awesome in Simon’s opinion- Magnus was like a superhero to him.

At the front, Alec had frozen, his expression stricken as he stared back at Magnus.

The whole room seemed to hold its breath, waiting for what he would do next.

Chapter Text

Similar to the way Magnus Bane had banged through the double doors of the institute a few hours earlier, Simon exploded into the training room with a dramatic boom. “You knew!” he burst out, almost incoherent with glee, “you knew Magnus would burst in there to break up the wedding and then Alec would have no choice but to stride away and give him the most fucking hot kiss I’ve ever-” he broke off abruptly.

In the corner of the room, Raphael was stood next to a punching bag hanging from the ceiling, which he had been impressively battering as Simon banged in. Also: he was shirtless. As in, not wearing a shirt. As in, lots of gleaming white skin, shiny with sweat.

Simon’s first thought was: every time I think I’ve done the most embarrassing thing in my life, I outdo myself.

His second thought was: abs.

Raphael was staring at him, eyebrows raised in amusement. Slowly, he started unpeeling the black gloves he was wearing, whilst Simon made a conscious effort not to stare at his chest as he did so. And failed. “You were saying? Something about a fucking hot kiss?”

“I…you knew about Magnus?” Simon swallowed, trying to sound normal again. In his mind, he was grabbing all the weapons off the wall and attacking himself with them. Anything would be preferable to the wry, condescendingly amused smirk Raphael was giving him now.

“Yes, I knew- he told me what he was planning to do as soon as he realised he wouldn’t be able to persuade Alec not to go ahead with the wedding. Although it’s hardly a surprise, is it? Everyone knows Magnus is definitely one prone for the dramatics.” Raphael rolled his eyes, before bending down to pick up his t-shirt and pull it over his head. Simon bit his lip to stop a sigh of disappointment escaping. “God, I’m thirsty. Do you want to go to the bar for a drink?”

Simon blinked. “Who, me?”

“No, I was talking to the other hoards of people stood in the room. Idiot.”

He bit his lip again. “But all the other vampires hate me. Every time I pass through there I think I’m about to be killed.”

Raphael gave him a flat look. “You’ll be with me. I’d like them to see them try.”

Something in Simon’s stomach flipped, but he nodded and followed the other vampire out the room.

True to his word, once they had sat down at a small round table with a mug of blood each, Raphael glowered at anyone who so much as looked at Simon the wrong way. Once, he even hissed, exposing his fangs at a guy who brushed past him roughly from behind. At this, Simon had mumbled, “thanks” to his lap.

It was fairly busy, as usual, but for once Simon didn’t feel threatened by the other vampires’ presence as he talked non-stop to Raphael about the wedding, who listened without much comment except the occasional snort or eye roll. Simon was fully aware he was jabbering away nonsensically but he tended to talk even more when he was nervous. And Raphael made him very nervous. For some reason.

“Did anyone compliment the suit?” Raphael asked.

“Yeah, Clary was stunned I think. Oh, and Magnus said I looked amazing.” Simon was still preening about this.

“Well, you do” Raphael replied with a shrug as he sipped his drink. Casual-as-you-please, not like he’d just said something that almost caused Simon to spill his own cup.

Before he could even begin to fathom whether Raphael was mocking him or not, Finn very suddenely appeared as he pressed in close to Raphael’s side to allow another vampire to pass him. He was a bit too close, Simon observed, almost crushing into Raphael with his body. Was it honestly really necessary?

Finn then slapped his own drink on the table and pulled up a stool, sitting between them. The sudden interruption had made both Simon and Raphael go silent, and a scowl had slipped onto Simon’s face without him noticing. “Hey, how was the wedding?” he asked Simon.

“Great” Simon replied, but before he could say another word of his great story, Finn had already turned to Raphael with a flirtatious grin. “You’ve been in the training room all evening, jeez, we’ve all hardly seen you.”

Raphael shrugged. “I was in the mood for it.”

“Oooh.” Finn nudged him with his shoulder whilst Simon gaped at him- no other vampire was as brazen with the clan leader. Except him, of course. Now that he was watching, he noticed how close Finn’s stool was to Raphael’s, so that their legs were almost touching. Did Finn not realise how pathetically obvious he was being? “You always do a lot of training when you’re thinking about something. Oh don’t look so shifty, everyone knows it- it’s where you go to think about stuff, isn’t it? Nothing like beating the shit out of a punching bag to work out your frustration or whatever. If that’s what it is,” he added, “frustration, I mean.” He didn’t say the word sexual, but his small curved smile definitely implied it.

All of a sudden, Simon discovered he didn’t like Finn very much. How had he ever thought Finn had been the one to go into all that trouble to get him the guitar?

Raphael just rolled his eyes, though he looked weirdly like he was trying not to smile. “Shut up.”

Finn was laughing. “You’re not denying it!”

Simon pushed back his chair so abruptly that both of them looked at him with a start. “What are you doing?” Raphael asked.

“Um.” Simon realised he was still gripping his empty glass very tightly in one fist, so he set it down on the table. “I feel a bit tired after the wedding” he lied stiffly, “so I think I’m going to go back to my room.”

He waited for one of them to tell him to stay, but Finn immediately nodded and turned back to Raphael, breaking back into conversation. Well. Wasn’t that just charming.

Turning on his heel, Simon stalked out the room without even a passing thought for all the other vampires he had to pass on the way.

The following night, big news was circulating the hotel, whipping up the vampires into an expectant excitement. Or, as excited as they ever got anyway- which was basically just a little less broody.

Magnus Bane was throwing a large party in his apartment that very evening, and anyone who cared to come was invited. Apparently it hadn’t expressly been said it was a party to celebrate Alec choosing him over Lydia, but everyone had interpreted it as such.

In his room, Simon was getting ready. He didn’t particularly want to go, he wasn’t really in the mood after mostly moping in his room for a while, but he knew Clary would be expecting him. Plus, it would be amazing to actually see the inside of Magnus’s house and get out of the hotel again.

Thankfully, after the wedding yesterday he’d thought to ask Clary to pop home and grab some of his clothes for him, so he was able to dress in dark jeans and a smart shirt. He considered asking Raphael to do his hair again for about one quarter of a second before deciding it would just have to do as it was.

At nine, a surprisingly small group of them gathered in the lobby before leaving- Raphael hadn’t wanted to leave the hotel empty, and not everyone was keen to go to a party that was also welcoming shadowhunters.

Simon hadn’t seen Raphael or Finn since storming away from them yesterday in the bar, so he made a pointed effort not to look at them- instead he texted Clary that they were nearly on their way.

Magnus Bane’s party was in the dark heart of the city, right next to the sparkling lights of Brooklyn Bridge which danced over the dark surface of the river. His tall apartment looked out over the bay of twinkling fairy lights, and as they arrived figures were entering through the door, shadows flickering through the windows. A muffled throbbing beat could be heard, glamoured from mundanes.

Simon fell into step behind the other vampires- at the front, he could hear Finn laughing way too enthusiastically at something Raphael was saying. As he walked, Simon aimed a violent kick at a drinks can lying on the floor, which ricocheted loudly off the opposite wall and made everyone turn to look at him.

Inside, the beat was almost too loud to think. Simon could feel the bass vibrating inside his chest as they entered through the doorway into a scene of colour and craziness: strobe lights illuminated a flicker of gyrating bodies, golden glitter sparkling in the air and over the stylish furniture, as Downwolder creatures of every creed and colour danced wildly.

It was absolutely electric- Simon could already feel a grin spreading over his face.

He scanned the crowd of shadowhunters intermingled with downwolders, before he spotted Clary and her red hair dancing with Isabelle in the middle of the floor. He hurried over, and when they saw him both squealed and pulled him in for a hug. “Dance with us!” Izzy trilled, and so he did.

Not that he knew how to dance, of course. In fact, he probably looked ridiculous, but it was fun anyway- the three of them spinning and jumping and waving their arms around, breathless with laughter. It was just nice to stop thinking about Raphael and Finn and the Hotel Dumort for once.

It was a long while before Clary, breathless, finally asked for a break. Izzy told them she was going to go and find Meliorn, so they nodded and Simon allowed Clary to pull him through the crowd to the corner of the room which was half divided by a long bookcase, and a tiny bit quieter.

Magnus Bane himself was sprawled on a L-shaped couch beside Alec, both of them talking in quiet voices. Clary jumped in beside Magnus, so Simon sat on her other side. “Oh look, you bought your well-dressed vampire friend!” Magnus said pleasantly, smiling at Simon. “Are you having fun?”

“Lots” he replied honestly, although for some reason he couldn’t help but keep looking around for Raphael. He could spot a few vampires dancing in the crowd, but Finn and Raphael weren’t one of them. Simon told himself he didn’t care.

“Good” Magnus replied, “have you seen Raphael? Didn’t you two come together?”

“There were a group of us” Simon hastened to correct him. “And I don’t really know where he is.” He said this as coolly as possible, so that everyone knew he didn’t really care.

“Ah.” Magnus smiled suddenely, looking past him. “Speaking of the devil.”

“I may have died, Magnus” said a familiar voice behind Simon, “but I haven’t turned into Lucifer yet.” To Simon’s irritation, Raphael sat beside him on the couch, squeezing into a space that didn’t exist. Their legs and sides were suddenely pressed against each other, and though Simon tried to jerk his leg away there wasn’t anywhere for it to go. It was unspeakably awkward.

To make things even worse, Magnus had started to slowly kiss Alec’s neck which although was very hot and distracting, made everyone else feel a little awkward too. Clary leaned forward and started brightly chatting to another shadowhunter standing nearby, leaving Simon and Raphael sat next to each other in silence. Simon was suddenely very sorely regretting leaving the dance floor. On his other side, Magnus and Alec’s kisses were getting even louder, and Alec had one hand stuffed up Magnus’s shirt.

Beside him, Raphael cleared his throat. His knee twitched, banging into Simon’s. “Have you seen Finn?”

“No I have not seen Finn” Simon said shortly. “I thought he was with you, anyway?”

“We were together, but I lost him in the crowd. Simon, are you…?”

“Am I what?”

Raphael sighed, shaking his head. “Nothing.” He stood up abruptly. “I’m going to get another drink. Do you want one?”

“No thank you.”

Not long afterwards, he managed to drag Clary back onto the dancefloor, where Izzy and Meliorn joined them. Meliron turned out to be a spectacular dancer, and Simon learnt a few moves just from watching him. When Simon checked his watch again two hours had passed- how had that much time gone by so quickly?- and he told the others he had to go and find the bathroom. Which was totally what he was doing. And if he spotted Raphael on the way that would be a complete coincidence, of course.

After making his way back through the crowd, he ambled into an empty corridor leading down into shadows. His thoughts felt heightened and giddy, like he was drunk. Then again, he wouldn’t put it past Magnus to have put some spell on the blood he was serving to give it the same intoxicating effects as normal alcohol. If Raphael had been drunk, it would explain the whole knee-banging scenario back on the sofa, anyway. About half way down the corridor, the deafening music and voices behind him suddenely dulled to a low murmur, like someone had turned down the volume on a stereo knob. Obviously Magnus was down here, and he’d worked his magic to get some peace and quiet.

Hoping he wasn’t about to stumble past a door issuing the noisy sounds of Alec and Magnus having sex (not that it would be the worst thing in the world, to be perfectly honest), Simon continued cautiously down the corridor. Until he heard two muffled, distinctly male voices from behind a closed door. One of whom was definitely Raphael. “-don’t you think I’ve thought about that? I know it’s not right for a clave leader to want one of the members of his pack.”

“It’s not against vampire law, surely?” The other voice, Simon realised with a jolt, was Magnus. After a moment of hovering indecision, he let his curiosity win and stepped closer to the door to listen.

“No.” Raphael sounded annoyed, which meant he was distressed. “No, there’s no exact law on it, but everyone would think it was odd. He’s…ahh, I can’t take this anymore, Magnus! Feeling like this. Feeling all wound up and irritated and happy all the time, it’s like my brain can’t decide what to think or feel-”

“That’s called a crush, my friend” Magnus replied, amused. “And it sounds to me like you have it pretty bad.”

Simon’s heart was beating furiously in his chest. Finn, he told himself, of course he’s talking about Finn. And yet, there was still some foolish, reckless part of him sniffing the air in hope…

Raphael let out a groan of frustration. “Well then I wish I’d never even met him!”

“No you don’t” Magnus replied gently. “When I saw you tonight, I was amazed at how different you seemed- you were smiling, Raphael. He’s brought light into your life.”

There was a pause. When Raphael spoke, Simon had to practically press his ear to the door to hear what he was saying. “I don’t understand how one person can make me feel like this, make me feel like-”

“Wait” Magnus said sharply, silence falling. “I hate to interrupt you,” he said after a moment, “but there is someone listening to our conversation outside the door.”

Panicked, Simon jerked back from the door just as it flew open to reveal a narrow-eyed Magnus, with Raphael close behind him.

“I-I got lost” Simon stammered, “Can you show me where the toilet is?”

“Of course you did” Magnus replied, with a wink. “Third door on the right, my dear.”

Unable to look anywhere near Raphael’s direction, Simon hurriedly thanked him and slipped into the bathroom. Once he’d locked the door behind him, he leaned against it and buried his face in his hands, heart thudding.

Enough. He’d had enough. He had to admit this to himself.

Admit that he liked Raphael. Liked in the breathless, pulse-racing, thought-consuming, sort of way.

Raphael the stupid angry vampire with the stupid quiff, Raphael who had given him a guitar and been too embarrassed to admit it, Raphael who let him borrow his best suit and did his hair for him, Raphael who stopped the other vampires giving him shit, Raphael who muttered angrily about how pathetic he was in Spanish under his breath constantly, just Raphael Raphael Raphael.

It was utterly ridiculous, Simon knew that. He’d been in love with Clary for most of his life, and he’d only known Raphael for a few weeks and already he had a frighteningly large crush on him. Boy, had he tried not to. But that didn’t work anymore.

After hearing what Raphael and Magnus had been saying…it sounds like you have a crush my friend, and you have it pretty bad. Raphael liked someone too.

Feeling a grin force the humiliation off his face, Simon grabbed each side of the sink and gave himself a hard look in the mirror. “Pull yourself together” he said fiercely, under his breath. “For God’s sake.” With that, he left the bathroom and strode back down the corridor to the party.

His thoughts were frantic, falling over themselves in eagerness. He was going to find Raphael right now. He was going to tell him how he felt. And if that went well, which hopefully it would, he would grab the other vampire by the collar, shove him against the wall and…well. Hopefully he could think about that when it came to it. He felt jittery enough as it was.

He entered the main room of the party, which was still packed with dancing bodies, and scanned it for Raphael’s dark head of hair. It took him a long moment, because Raphael was leaning against the far wall, partly obscured by the person standing in front of him. Feeling a jolt of nervous excitement, Simon hurried forward into the crowd…and jolted to a stop.

The other person with Raphael was Finn. The fair-headed vampire looked intoxicated too, leaning far too close to Raphael, his hand skimming his arm. His expression was teasing, grinning, as he spoke in a low voice. As this was normal behaviour for Finn around Raphael, Simon wasn’t immediately worried…but then he saw Raphael. He was looking down, a tiny smile on his face like he was enjoying the attention but was almost self-conscious about what Finn was saying to him. He would almost definitely be blushing if he wasn’t a vampire- his whole body language suggested it.

He was flirting back.

He liked Finn.

Finn was who he’d been talking about with Magnus.

The realisations slammed into Simon like a car crash, breaking his jittery excitement into pieces around his feet. At that same moment, Raphael looked up and their gazes met immediately- Raphael looked guilty, like Simon had caught him doing something he shouldn’t be. But why would Simon care about who the head of the clave flirted with? It wasn’t any of his business, obviously.

Sending him the most furious look he could muster in return, Simon spun on his heel and pushed through the crowd towards the door. Even the thought of spending another moment in the same room as Raphael was sickening to him. Someone grabbed his arm- it was Clary, her expression concerned. “Simon, I haven’t seen you for ages! Wait…are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Clary. I’m going home.”

She blinked at him- they almost never snapped at each other. “Simon, tell me what happened-”

“It’s just been a bad night, okay. I’ll be fine” he said, dodging away from her further questions and out the door.

Outside, it was pouring with rain. Of course it was. Sheets of icy water bounced off the pavement, glittering in puddles which shone by the light of streetlights. Ducking his head down and shoving his hands in his jacket pockets, Simon set off through the downpour and into the smoky night streets of the city.

Why had he even imagined Raphael would like him? Hadn’t he made it perfectly clear how annoying and incompetent he thought Simon was? All the times Simon had thought he was being nice to him- the jacket, the guitar- were probably just acts done out of pity.

Stupid. He aimed another hard kick at some rubbish on the pavement, spraying up water from a puddle as he did so. He’d been so stupid.

Clary would never love him like that, and neither would Raphael. It would always be annoying little Simon, alone forever. The rain fell like hard, cold bullets on his shoulders, dripping down his face, painting everything in grey.

Grey to match his mood.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Despite everything, Simon’s stomach still did a funny little flip at the sound of his voice. He spun round- Raphael was standing a short way behind him the shadowy alley, his drenched t-shirt sticking to his skin, his hair flat against his forehead. He looked mad.

Well Simon didn’t care. So he just shrugged and started walking again. “Going home, genius.”

Sudden footsteps behind him, and then a hand on his arm wrenching him back round, none too gently. Simon jerked his arm free, glaring. “What? What have I done wrong, o mighty one? What are you doing following me, anyway- won’t your precious Finn miss you?”

Raphael just shook his head angrily, his expression stony. “You’re a new vampire, and it’s unsafe for you to be out alone when you’re intoxicated- you’re not properly prepared yet. Why didn’t you tell me you were going, so that I could accompany you? All I saw was you rushing out like-”

“Why do you even care?” Simon snapped back. “I bet you’d be pleased if I got staked.”

Stopping mid-flow, Raphael just stared at him, jaw set. The rain pounded around their feet, raindrops sliding down Raphael’s nose and high cheekbones. “I don’t understand why you’re being like this” he said, finally.

Simon laughed, but it came out all wrong and not very funny at all. “Just forget it.”

“Just spit it out.” Raphael crossed his arms, eyebrows raised. “I’m waiting.”

“Spit-spit it out?” Simon said incredulously, feeling his anger mounting. “Fine. Fine. I’m mad because you gave me the guitar and you let me borrow your jacket and you laughed at my jokes and I-I heard you talking to Magnus. I guess I was stupid enough to think it was about me…but you were flirting with Finn and I know you think I’m stupid and incompetent and a waste of space anyway so I don’t even know why I-”

“Shut up.”

Simon opened and closed his mouth, shaking his head. “There you go again! Belittling me. Well guess what pal, I’m sick of you treating me like-”

“I said, shut up.” Raphael closed his eyes, taking a breath. When he opened them, he still looked mad. For a moment he just frowned at the ground, impatiently brushing his sopping black hair off his forehead. Words were queuing up in Simon’s mouth, but he forced himself to shut up for once- Raphael found it a lot harder to speak than he did, and maybe a part him was still stupidly, foolishly hoping for some sort of explanation or apology at least. Still, he tapped his foot and chewed his lip with agitation until, what felt like an age later, Raphael stopped torturing him and spoke. “I guess when you mentioned Finn you’re talking about the incident that happened about ten minutes ago? When we were speaking near the wall?”

Simon nodded, jamming his hands back in his pockets. Here it was. The explanation- the two of them were a couple now.

“Well…” Raphael took in a long breath, and Simon had to resist the urge to reach out and literally shake the words out of him. “Finn does like me in that way. He told me tonight, actually, at the party.”

Why was Raphael rubbing it in like this? Simon knew he could be mocking at times, but never this callous…

“And I told him it was…nice” Raphael said the word uncertainly and slightly suspiciously, most probably because he’d never used it in an unsarcastic way before in his whole life. “But that I was actually already interested in someone else.”

Simon jerked his head back up. “Uh. I mean, um, that’s what you guys were talking about?” Use your words, Simon.

“Yeah. He was really cool about it, though he was teasing me loads.” Raphael rolled his eyes, but there was no real annoyance there. He wasn’t looking at Simon, his eyes darting almost nervously to the floor. “Bastard.”

Simon’s smile was unsure and nervous. His usual smile, pretty much. Is it me? The question was right there, hanging between them, but if Raphael answered negatively…

Raindrops were running down the beautiful planes of his face, and through his drenched t-shirt Simon could see every gentle curve of muscle on his chest. Would it ever stop raining? It was pouring off the gutter, pinging off the metal lid of a dustbin and trickling down the alleyway in a small stream. Raphael looked up then, and there was a tiny arrogant smile on his face. “Aren’t you going to ask me who it is?” he said softly.

Simon opened and closed his mouth. It felt like he had been physically rendered incapable to speak. Reaching up to push his dripping hair back out his eyes again, Raphael’s shirt moved slightly to reveal a tiny slither of flat stomach that felt like a punch in the gut to Simon. He could feel Raphael watching him, and his smirk deepened. “Simon Lewis, the most annoying, endlessly babbling, vampire- lost for words? God, if I’d known it was possible maybe I would have drenched myself in rainwater the first night you arrived to save me from your mindless chatter.”

Just like that, he could speak again. “Oh shut up, Raph. You find me freaking hilarious, and don’t even deny it. I actually made you laugh on the first night I arrived, if I remember correctly.”

Raphael raised his eyebrows at ‘Raph’, the casual nickname that had slipped out without Simon even noticing- damn. “You’re right” he said in the same low voice, “I do find you hilarious actually. And ridiculous. And annoying.” He took a step closer, mouth curved as he stared with at Simon with his intense, unbreakable dark gaze.

Was he trying to woo Simon now, because honestly these weren’t the adjectives Simon would have chosen.

He stopped barely a foot away, the gap between their bodies so small that rain couldn’t fall between them. The edges of Raphael’s hair were beginning to curl in the rain, very slightly, which was perhaps the cutest thing he had ever seen. His eyebrows and eyelashes were darker than Simon had ever noticed before, especially the eyelashes- long and black and stuck together with raindrops-

“Simon?”

“Hmm?” Simon sounded a little unhinged. Maybe he was. Maybe he was thinking all these things to distract himself from the fact that Raphael was right there and Raphael maybe definitely had a crush on him.

“You’re also…adorable” Raphael admitted gruffly, before leaning forward and pressing his lips firmly against Simon’s. Simon was so shocked that his heart and stomach flipped simultaneously in a way that was worthy of gold medal standard at the Olympics, and as Raphael’s soft lips gently teased his own open in a practiced, unhurried way that completely justified every arrogant smirk he had ever given him, other parts of his body also started to do interesting things.

Without thinking, Simon’s hands were on Raphael’s waist, slipping round to his front and over the wet, clinging fabric of his t-shirt. Raphael’s hands were on his shoulders, before one trailed up to intertwine in his hair. Raphael was really kissing him now, in a way that Simon had never kissed anyone else before, with tongue and one hand pulling gently at his hair-

The groan slipped out of Simon before he could stop it, and he was pulling Raphael even closer, squeezing their bodies flush against each other. He heard Raphael chuckle quietly, the most arrogant and pleased sound he’d ever heard- though Simon was relieved to hear that he also sounded a little breathless too, so that it wasn’t just Simon who felt completely undone. One of Simon’s hands was under Raphael’s shirt now, roaming freely, and oh God it was warmth and softness and rain and cologne and hard, smooth skin. This was what he’d been thinking about for weeks. And even in his imagination it had never come as close to being this perfect.

“Stop” Simon gasped finally, breaking apart and breathing heavily, his arms looped loosely round Raphael’s sides.

“What?” Raphael looked instantly wary, the grin falling off his face.

“Nothing, I…” Simon closed his eyes, before bending down slightly to bury his face in Raphael’s shoulder. He actually felt like he might explode. And he was extremely hard. “Oh my gosh.”

“Do you just a need a moment to recover?” Raphael drawled, although Simon could feel how hard his heart was beating under his palm, as hectically as his own.

Without either of them noticing, the rain had finally stopped. The alleyway was dripping and glittering, light sparking off the puddles on the floor. Everything smelt damp and cold, like something new and reborn. “It’s just” Simon said finally, “I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time-”

Raphael closed his eyes, inhaling sharply. “You’re serious?”

“Obviously.” Simon was surprised at his reaction. “Why do you seem so surprised? Argh, I was so awkward and obvious around you, talking non-stop, making a fool out of myself when obviously you thought I was the most annoying idiot ever.”

Raphael’s eyes flicked back open, and Simon had to gasp again because he was just so beautiful. He laughed, low under his breath and it was damn near the sexiest thing he’d ever heard. “Simon. I did not think that.”

He was breathless. “No?”

“No. Quite the opposite actually.” Raphael pressed a feather-light kiss onto his neck. “Did you not realise how crazy you were driving me since you first arrived here? I could hardly formulate sentences around you, and it took me a while to understand exactly why that was.”

“Apparently you couldn’t take it anymore” Simon said, mischievously. Because he could be mischievous now. He could be a coy, smirking sex God. If he was ever able to pull that off, of course, which was unlikely.

“How did you…oh.” Raphael winced. “My conversation with Magnus. How much did you hear of that?”

“Enough.” Simon bit his lip. “I don’t really want to bring this up now, but um, I’ve been worrying about it…you said you wished that you’d never met me.”

“That was when I thought you didn’t like me. When I thought I’d be feeling this forever, and I would never be able to let it out.”

“Oh. Er, and now?”

“Now,” Raphael smiled, his arms tightening around Simon as he laid his head on his shoulder “now I think you’re the best thing to ever burst into the Hotel Dumort.”

Chapter Text

Simon turned to Raphael, nervously biting his lip. “Do I look okay? Not…tousled?”

“Not like we’ve just been making out for the past five minutes, you mean?” said Raphael dryly, before reaching out to straighten his jacket for him. “No. You look absolutely fine.”

“Fine?” Simon said, pretending to be offended. “Wow, you’re flattering me today.”

In response, Raphael just turned up one corner of his mouth into a smirk. The two of them were walking up to the entrance of the Institute, dressed smartly.

Clary had invited them both for a special dinner because, as she’d said on the phone, ‘there hadn’t been much time to properly talk at the party.’ When she’d rang him, Simon had nervously enquired if Raphael could also come, and Clary had agreed though he hadn’t missed the note of surprise and curiosity in her voice- he’d made some excuse and hung up before she could interrogate him.

She didn’t know about him and Raphael yet. No one did outside the Hotel Dumort.

Simon glanced over at his boyfriend- boyfriend!- to catch Raphael also looking at him, before both of them grinned and looked away at the same time. It was still weird to realise that they were allowed to admire each other now, they were allowed to reach out and touch each other whenever they felt like it. Weird in a completely wonderful way.

For the first couple of days after Magnus’s party, Simon had been expecting Raphael to suddenely freeze him, to deny anything had happened, or turn round to laugh in his face and explain that it had all been a joke. But somehow, miraculously, that didn’t happen. It was real. All of it had been real.

Raphael had been exasperated with him. “Do you believe I’m telling the truth now?” he whispered the first night he snuck into Simon’s bedroom, shirtless, before leaning down to kiss him. That was the moment Simon would have said yes, if he’d had the ability to formulate coherent speech- he’d seen Raphael shirtless many times since then, but it still robbed him of the ability to talk.

Despite Raphael’s worries that the coven wouldn’t like him dating a member, everyone had been shockingly nice about it. Once everyone had seen him and Raphael holding hands, it was like they could suddenely trust him- vampires now came and started conversations with Simon, offering him a place to sit and asking him about his music. It was like they were different people.

Finn had seemed to take it remarkably well, and he seemed to have the attention span of a puppy- he’d now jumped his affections onto another vampire he insisted was secretly gay, and liked to gossip about him with Simon whenever they got the chance. Now that Finn wasn’t flirting with the man Simon had a huge crush on, Simon found he liked him much more again.

“Hey.” Now, Raphael reached out and touched his arm. “You look like you’re going to your execution.”

Simon gave him an unconvincing smile. “I’m just nervous. To tell them.”

“Why? Am I not good enough for you?” Raphael’s tone was teasing.

The opposite, actually. Who could believe that Raphael would ever want to date Simon? What if they didn’t believe him? Plus, Clary had no idea that he was bisexual, and after keeping it to himself for so many years the thought of telling her felt weird.

They pushed through the double doors into the building, into the main lobby and down a dark-panelled corridor past other shadowhunters dressed all in black who nodded to Raphael, to another set of grand double doors at the end.

Looking completely unafraid, Raphael pushed them open. Inside was a beautiful dining room panelled in the same dark wood, a mixture of modern and old- the long dining table was a gleaming white, but the large windows told of past elegance. The others were already milling around, having drinks- Jace, Izzy, Alec, Magnus and Clary, who gave a little squeal upon seeing them and flew over to embrace Simon tightly. “Are you okay?” she whispered in his ear. “I was so worried when you left Magnus’s party like that…”

“I’m fine” he reassured her, but due to his nerves he didn’t sound very convincing.

“Okay.” She stepped back, biting her lip, before turning to Raphael. “We’re really glad you could come! So, are you two good friends now?” She grinned, waggling her finger between the two of them.

Raphael smirked a little, turning his eyes on Simon, the raise of his eyebrows suggesting he was letting Simon answer. “Yeah” he said clumsily, but before he could say anything else Magnus had called over, “Gentlemen, would you like a drink?”

About ten minutes later, after making small talk with the group, they all took their seats. Everyone but Raphael and Simon were presented with steaming plates of food, whilst the two vampires got huge goblets of blood.

“I must say, I like your new hairstyle, Raphael” Magnus said as they ate, conversation and laughter swirling around easily. “Less quiff, more tousled. Very nice.”

“Thank you.” Simon could feel Raphael trying to catch his eye- it was Simon’s fault that his hair was tousled, he might have jumped on him on the way here because Raphael smiled at him sweetly- but he firmly didn’t look at him because he knew it would turn him to mush. He was trying to gather his courage.

“Er, guys” he said, and then, a bit louder, “Guys?”

Izzy was laughing at something her brother was saying, but once that had died down the whole room was looking at him expectantly. He looked round at them all, friendly and happy faces he was glad now to call his friends. Of course they’d be okay. Under the table, Raphael reached over and squeezed his hand reassuringly. Simon glanced over at him and smiled a little. “I have something to say. Er, Raphael and I are-”

“Dating?” Magnus enquired, with a wink. “Totally obvious, my dear. You can’t take your eyes off each other.”

Whilst Magnus and Alec shared a grin- Simon guessed they had been betting on their relationship- everyone else’s jaws dropped open.

After a moment of shocked silence, the congratulations poured forth. “Nice” Jace said easily, with a grin, before Izzy chimed in, “aaw, that’s adorable you guys!” Taking in a relieved breath, Simon felt a smile break over his face, as Raphael’s thumb stroked over the back of his hand.

The only person who didn’t look completely shocked was Clary- though she looked a little surprised, she was wearing the same knowing smile she’d had when they’d been talking about Raphael at the wedding. “Simon, ’m so, so happy for you. You two are adorable together. I kinda had my suspicions, though.”

Simon laughed.

“Look at you two!” she continued. “Right now, Raphael is looking at you like you’re…it’s so cute.” Raphael cleared his throat, a little embarrassed, but he was trying not to smile.

Suddenely able to breathe again, Simon enjoyed the rest of the meal with the people he loved, as the conversation swirled around him. Afterwards, when it became more relaxed and they were all just wandering around, Clary came to sit with him whilst Raphael went to chat with Magnus and Alec. “Hey you.” She nudged him with her shoulder.

He nudged her back. “Hey you.”

“Not that it matters, obviously, but Simon are you gay?”

He’d thought it would be hard to say, but somehow it wasn’t. “No. I’m bisexual. Clary, I’ve always known, I’ve just never-”

“Stop. Why would you need to tell anyone if you didn’t want to? It’s fine.” She hugged him. “I’m so happy for you, Simon, I know I keep saying it but it’s true. I’ve always wanted you to find someone who makes you really happy,” she winked at him, “and it’s obvious Raphael is able to do that.”

“Yeah. He’s…perfect.” Simon ducked his head down, smiling.

“Hey, Raphael” Clary called playfully across the table at him, “Simon says you’re perfect.”

“Tell me something that isn’t obvious” Raphael replied dryly, but he glanced at Simon with a mixture of softness and desire that made Simon shiver with the realisation that he probably wouldn’t be alone in his bed later.

Simon hit her in the arm. “I hate you.”

“Oh, please” she murmured back, rolling her eyes, “I literally just scored you some hot vampire sex tonight. You should be thanking me.”

Simon burst out laughing, and when she looked at him, smiling back, he realised how he hadn’t thought of his crush on her for weeks. No longer was he pining over someone who would never feel the same way. No, now he liked someone who was currently smiling softly at him across the table, both of them completely oblivious to every other person in the room.