Archive of Our Own

It starts with an essay.

It starts with what is probably the most frustrating and stupid essay of Enjolras' entire academic career.

It starts with an essay that he's already written once, but was handed back to him with the instructions 're-write this, but without the bias viewpoint', which is stupid, Enjolras thinks bitterly, journalists are supposed to have biases. It's a pointless essay for a pointless topic for a pointless class, and Enjolras is only putting actual effort into passing it because he needs the extra credits to continue his course.

His fingers slam on the keyboard with more force than is perhaps necessary, but his progress is so slow and the words just aren't coming to him like they usually do. He wishes he could just delete the damn file and be done with it but he can't, not unless he wants to sacrifice the only decent module of the semester. It doesn't help that the library is closed, either- the coffee shop he's currently sat in is full of people having very loud conversations all around him, which is distracting to say the least.

He's halfway into his third paragraph when his attention is drawn away by someone clearing their throat to the side of him.

Enjolras looks up and the barista smiles at him. "You know you actually have to buy something to sit in here right?" he says teasingly.

Enjolras blinks. The coffee that he'd bought upon entering the small cafe is lying empty in the middle of the table, and a quick glance at the time tells Enjolras that he'd ordered it nearly two hours ago.

"Sorry," he apologises, feeling slightly shameful. "I'll go order another once I've finished this paragraph."

"No need," says the barista, taking Enjolras' empty mug and replacing it with a full one. "It's on the house."

He grins again and Enjolras startles- he knows that face. Dark curls, rounded cheeks, crooked nose, and a smile that shows slightly too much teeth. Enjolras frowns as he tries to place it... He's pretty sure the barista is the same man who recently started coming to ABC meetings, the one who laughs loudly and is good friends with Joly and Bossuet.

"Grantaire!" Enjolras exclaims, remembering. Grantaire's eyebrows raise in poorly concealed shock and he gives a small nod of confirmation. "I didn't know you worked here." Enjolras says, ashamed he didn't recognise the man sooner.

Grantaire just smiles like he doesn't know what to say to that, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot under Enjolras' gaze. "I usually have the early shifts, but yeah, I work here. Didn't know you studied here, either."

"I don't." Enjolras says in way of explanation. Grantaire raises an eyebrow. "I mean, I am now because the library was closed and this was the nearest cafe, but I don't usually."

"Explains why I've never seen you in here before then." Grantaire says, holding up his hand when he sees Enjolras rooting in his wallet for some change. "No, don't worry about the money, I meant it when I said it was on the house. Besides, I thought you could use the caffeine." he adds, gesturing to Enjolras' open word document. "Looks pretty nasty."

Enjolras huffs, reluctantly putting away his wallet. "Oh, it is. I have an absolute idiot of a professor, too." Grantaire's eyebrows rise even further at that, but one corner of his mouth quirks upwards in amusement.

"I suppose I should let you get back to it then?" Grantaire asks.

Enjolras sighs; he'd almost wished Grantaire would stay and converse with him, but he knows he was only hoping for another way to procrastinate. Not to mention Grantaire has a job to do and Enjolras has already monopolised too much of his time. It'd be better for both of them if Enjolras just got back to his essay.

"I suppose you should." he says, shooting an almost apologetic look at Grantaire.

Grantaire shrugs and flashes him another smile. Enjolras smiles back as Grantaire returns to his place behind the counter.

Enjolras finishes the essay in another hour, this time aided by the caffeine. He catches Grantaire's eye and waves as he heads out, but not before shoving a generous amount of money into the tip jar and ignoring the way Grantaire deliberately pretends not to notice him doing it.

Over the next few weeks, Enjolras goes to study more and more at the cafe where Grantaire works. He always makes sure he orders coffee at regular intervals so there's no need for Grantaire to buy him one again, but they still share smiles and the occasional word of greeting from over the counter. Once or twice, Grantaire even joins Enjolras on his breaks and Enjolras will put aside whatever he's working on for a few minutes as they spend the time talking until Grantaire is called back for his next shift.

Enjolras also starts to take more notice of Grantaire at ABC meetings; he learns that Grantaire drinks a lot, but that he also smiles a lot. He learns that Grantaire is an artist, that he sometimes sketches during their meetings, and that he greatly undervalues his own work. He learns that Grantaire has inside jokes with almost all of their friends, and that he can weave a myriad of classical references into a single sentence at the drop of a hat.

This is also how Enjolras learns that Grantaire is a cynic.

They have conflicting ideals, and Enjolras often verges on the edge of frustrated whenever Grantaire makes a sardonic comment or speaks so pessimistically. For all their contrast though, they never stray all that far from civil. Despite how infuriating Grantaire can be, Enjolras finds he actually likes it when Grantaire expresses an opinion- finds himself seeking Grantaire out after meetings have ended to hear his viewpoints. Several times, their debates have almost ended in arguments, but just as many times Enjolras finds himself walking away with a smile and the satisfaction that can only come from a good discussion.

Enjolras likes to think he's self-aware; he knows he can come across as intense, and it's something he's desperately trying to work on, but he genuinely does consider Grantaire a friend. Maybe not a close friend like Jehan or Feuilly or the rest of Les Amis, but definitely a friend.

Which is why he doesn't understand the reason Grantaire is so surprised when Enjolras brings him coffee.

Grantaire is hungover; it's a regular occurrence at their meetings, but Enjolras had stopped making a fuss about it when he'd realised that Courfeyrac was right: it never led towards him being disruptive, and as it was so carefully pointed out- Grantaire is used to dealing with hangovers.

Only this time, it seems particularly bad. Maybe Grantaire had gotten more drunk than usual the night before, but when Enjolras enters the cafe Musain and sees Grantaire sat slouched at a table with his head in his hands, it's obvious something is different.

"Here." Enjolras says once he's reached Grantaire's table, thrusting the still warm coffee under Grantaire's nose. "I don't know how much it will help but..."

Grantaire brings his head up slowly and looks up at Enjolras with confusion etched into his brow. "Why?" he asks; Enjolras tries to ignore the way his throat rasps.

"Looks nasty." Enjolras smirks, repeating the same phrase Grantaire had said to him that first time in the cafe.

Grantaire groans as he takes the cup from Enjolras' hand, humming appreciatively as the warm liquid travels down his throat. "How'd you know I'd need coffee?" he asks once he'd finished drinking.

"I didn't." Enjolras admits. It'd been something of an impulse, giving Grantaire the coffee. "I picked it up on the way here because I needed the caffeine- but I think your needs are a little stronger than mine at the minute."

Grantaire looks almost pained. "Sorry." he says quietly, holding the cup back out to Enjolras. "You can have it back if-"

"No, no, it's fine, I insist." Enjolras smiles, unsure why he's so adamant but sticking to it.

Grantaire hesitates but eventually brings the cup back to his lips. "Well, in that case, thank you." he says, sipping.

Enjolras nods before making his way back to the front of the room and gathering everyone's attention to start the meeting. If Grantaire catches his eye more than usual, well, neither of them mention it.

It's a cold November morning when the scheduled protest of the ABC University Group takes place. Just their luck, really, that their first organised event ends up being held on the coldest day of the year.

Enjolras tries not to be too disheartened with the turnout; it's cold, a lot of people will prefer staying indoors over rallying in the streets. As Combeferre likes to remind him, not everyone is quite as committed or willing to do what Enjolras does for the cause.

Also, it is actually really fucking cold. Enjolras isn't entirely sure that he himself wouldn't be inside in front of the fire were he not the organiser of such an event.

It doesn't exactly help that he forgot his gloves, either.

He's just finished making his third speech of the event, followed by a smattering of modest applause, when Grantaire finds him.

"Your hands looked cold." Grantaire explains as he holds out a mug full of steaming coffee towards Enjolras. "Thought you could use this."

Enjolras has never, in his life, ever been so grateful to see a cup of coffee. (And that's saying something, seeing as he literally depended on the caffeine during his freshman year.)

"Thank you so much." Enjolras says, readily accepting the coffee from Grantaire. "I'm pretty sure my fingers would have fallen off in another minute or two."

"That'd be a shame, you have really nice fingers." Grantaire says.

Enjolras blinks.

"I mean, uh, your fingers are moderately nice, y'know, for... fingers."

Enjolras can't tell whether Grantaire's blushing or if it's the cold that's making his cheeks red.

"Thank you?" Enjolras says, bemused. "Yours too."

Grantaire nods once more, cheeks flaming even redder (definitely blushing, then,) and then he's off, turned back on his heel the way he came.

Well, thinks Enjolras, that was odd.

There are few things Enjolras hates more than Tuesdays, where he has back to back lectures for the politics component of his course. He has an hour in between them but going back to the flat he shares with Combeferre would be pointless as they live on the other side of campus.

Usually he'd work through his breaks, but he's just so tired from staying up to comfort Courfeyrac about his latest law exam, and he could really, really use some coffee right now.

It's not that he hates getting coffee alone either, just that he'd really prefer it if he had company. Taking out his phone, he brings the Les Amis group chat up and sends a quick text.

You [12:37pm]: Anyone still out on east campus?

It takes less time than he expects before his phone is buzzing with replies.

Courf [12:39pm]: nope sorry D: xx

Feuilly [12:40pm]: Sorry man I'm @ opposite end

Eponine [12:40pm]: no

Enjolras sighs. He's in the middle of typing out a response when his phone chimes again.

Grantaire [12:42pm]: i am
Grantaire [12:42pm]: my shift ends in 5 minutes, what do u need ??

You [12:42pm]: Actually I was wondering if you'd like to grab some coffee with me? If you're not busy that is

Grantaire [12:44pm]: not busy no
Grantaire [1:44pm]: coffee sounds great
Grantaire [1:44pm]: where?

You [12:44pm]: Meet me at the Corinthe :)

Grantaire [12:45pm]: awesome
Grantaire [12:45pm]: be there in 10

Enjolras enters the quiet coffee shop and claims a seat nearest the fireplace for him and Grantaire. He remembers how Grantaire takes his coffee from the conversations they've had in the past, so he orders for both of them whilst he's waiting.

Not long after the waiter has bought the coffee to their table, Grantaire enters. His face is slightly flushed from the wind, black curls unruly from where they've been stuffed under his beanie. "Hi," Grantaire says breathlessly, taking the seat across from Enjolras and smiling. "You remembered my order?" he asks in surprise, looking down at the mug in front of him.

Enjolras scoffs, "Of course I did."

"Of course you did." Grantaire nods, but there's something incredibly fond in his voice. "Thanks." he amends.

"No problem," Enjolras says easily. There's a pause that lasts a beat too long for it to be considered comfortable and Enjolras' mind frantically searches around for the nearest topic he can think of to discuss. "Tell me your thoughts on Jeremy Bentham." he ends up saying.

Grantaire's eyebrows crease briefly but then he's grinning as he launches into what can only be described as a rant (what he's ranting about, Enjolras isn't entirely sure,) with a twinkle in his eyes.

Grantaire somehow goes from discussing the inapplicability of utilitarianism to talking about Amadeus and back again, bypassing something to do with art history laden with references that go straight over Enjolras' head.

For the most part, Enjolras is content to simply watch and listen, only interjecting occasionally to refute a point or ask for clarification. ("You can't call act utilitarianism totally useless.", "That depends whether you value emotional impact over socio-historical accuracy.", "So what you're saying is that he never signed any of his artwork?")

Grantaire ends his rant-turned-speech with a quote from Oscar Wilde, and Enjolras finds himself even more drawn to Grantaire than he was before.

They also talk about work and their respective studies- Enjolras learns that Grantaire's studying ancient history on top of his art degree- and when it's time for his second lecture, Enjolras finds he almost doesn't want to leave.

Tuesday afternoon coffee becomes almost a tradition for them after that day. Their schedules match almost to the minute, meaning they're both conveniently free between one and two pm. Often Enjolras will sit with his notes out and simply listen to Grantaire speak, other times Grantaire will sketch as Enjolras rants; sometimes they speak a lot and sometimes they don't speak at all.

Enjolras had liked Grantaire before now, but it's only in these moments where he lets himself fully enjoy the other man's company. It's different to how they act in meetings, where Grantaire's only purpose seems to be antagonising Enjolras, and where nearly all of their conversations are political discussions- here they talk about anything and everything: university, work, their friends, themselves. All things considered, Enjolras finds himself looking forward to his weekly coffee meeting with Grantaire even more than he looks forward to their debates in the Musain.

It never even occurs to him to ask why Grantaire, who spends most of his time working in a coffee shop, is so willing to spend his only lunch break, with Enjolras, in a different coffee shop.

"Oh my god, is that coffee?" Enjolras asks, pointing to the cup in front of Grantaire.

Grantaire startles. He looks up from his sketch to see Enjolras and smiles warmly. "It is." he confirms.

"Can I have some?" Enjolras asks; his lecture ran late and he had to run to the Musain to get to the meeting on time, meaning he also had to skip his coffee.

"Sure," Grantaire blinks, "But you should probably-"

Enjolras doesn't listen to the second half of Grantaire's sentence; he's already reaching for the coffee, downing a long mouthful.

"-know that I added whiskey." Grantaire finishes weakly.

Enjolras splutters as he tries to swallow; the whiskey seems to burn his throat on the way down and he coughs. Grantaire pales.

"I'll get you some water." he says, jumping up and all but running towards the bar. "And a coffee that doesn't have alcohol in it!"

Enjolras is tired and he can already feel the stabbing pains that signify the beginning of a headache.

It's his first really bad day in what feels like forever and he wants nothing more than to crawl out of his skin and sleep for a few days. His cramps are worse than usual this month and he just wants to get away from it all and curl up under a blanket where he doesn't feel as if he's being crushed- but he also has numerous papers to read and essays to write.

The cafe where Grantaire works has become something of a comfort to him since he walked in all those months ago, so it's there that he finds himself after his final lecture of the day.

Grantaire's eyes light up from behind the counter when he sees Enjolras. "What can I do for you today, good sir?" he asks, smiling brightly.

"A hot chocolate, please."

Surprise registers on Grantaire's face and he quirks an eyebrow up. "Is everything alright?" he half-jokes.

"I'm fine." He dismisses with a wave. "Just a small headache."

"You know caffeine supposedly helps with headaches, right? Or so Joly tells me, anyway."

Enjolras grimaces. "Does it help with cramps, though?"

Grantaire considers him for a second and then shrugs, "I'd have to follow up on that one." he says, smiling slightly. "As for now, I agree that hot chocolate is probably your best bet."

He dashes off to make the hot chocolate and Enjolras wanders off to his favourite seat near the back window, next to the heater.

Opening his laptop and loading his files, Enjolras tries to focus on the words in front of him- a task that turns out to be harder than expected when his eyelids keep drooping and, fuck, why is he so exhausted?

Grantaire returns a few minutes later with a hot chocolate gratuitously topped with cream and a heating pad, which he sheepishly hands to Enjolras. "I don't know if this will help but I thought you could try? There was one in the first aid kit and Musichetta always uses them so..."

Grantaire sets the hot chocolate down next to Enjolras' laptop and Enjolras reaches for the heating pad. Pressing it to his abdomen, he closes his eyes at the slight relief it brings. "Thanks, R." Enjolras tries to inject as much sincerity as he can into the simple sentiment.

Grantaire blinks at him. "No problem." he says after a pause, grinning. His grin makes his dimples stand out, and causes the creases around his eyes to show.

Enjolras doesn't get all of his work done that night, but he does leave the cafe with a smile on his face.

When Enjolras' Tuesday lecture gets extended, he texts Grantaire the night before to let him know that he won't be able to get coffee that afternoon.

So it comes as a surprise to him when he emerges from the block B building to see Grantaire sat at the steps, nursing two cups of coffee in his hands, one of which he holds out for Enjolras as he approaches.

"You didn't have to." Is the first thing out of Enjolras' mouth when he takes the coffee. Immediately, he knows it was the wrong thing to say- Grantaire's expression becomes guarded, not like he's angry, but closed off, as if he's hiding something.

"I mean, thank you, really, I appreciate it, just- you didn't have to."

Grantaire smiles a little at that, albeit weakly. "No problem," he quips, "Figured you might be suffering caffeine withdrawal, it was the least I could do."

Enjolras laughs; he wants nothing more than for the easy smile to return to Grantaire's face. "Thank you, Grantaire."

Grantaire nods but he still has an air of uncertainty and it's all Enjolras can do not to shake him and shout 'This was a welcome gesture!' but somehow he doubts either sentiment would be appreciated. He wishes he could chase the doubt off of Grantaire's face with just the sincerity in his eyes, but it turns out there are some things that even Enjolras' burning stare can't fix.

"Anyway, I should get going- my shift technically started ten minutes ago. Enjoy the coffee!"

"I'll see you at the party tomorrow!" Enjolras calls back at Grantaire's hastily retreating figure. "Thanks for the coffee!"

The music is loud where it blasts from the speakers in Enjolras and Combeferre's apartment. Enjolras is still hazy as to the exact mix of bribery and blackmail that Courfeyrac used to make him agree to host another of Les Amis informal parties, but he's starting to severely regret it nevertheless.

And it's not that Enjolras doesn't like spending time with his friends- he does, more than anything- but at times like this when it's so loud and there's so much movement, well, it gets a bit much.

Which is how Enjolras finds himself in the kitchen, starting up the coffee machine. (He's hoping the caffeine boost will give him the extra energy he needs but apart from that he just really, really likes coffee.)

"Enjolras?" calls a voice from behind him as he ransacks the kitchen to find a suitable mug.

Enjolras turns around to see Grantaire walking over to him, a smile already on his face. Grantaire seats himself on the edge of the counter, and usually Enjolras would tell him to get down- but Enjolras has just noticed how pale Grantaire looks, how his hands are shaking though he's obviously trying to hide it. Things start to make a little more sense.

"Hi," Enjolras says, "I'm making coffee, you want some?"

"Please."

Enjolras nods and reaches down another mug for Grantaire.

It's not a secret that Grantaire's been attempting to stop drinking for a while now. Enjolras was there the day he announced it at one of their meetings, and the subsequent (alcohol free) celebration that followed.

He also knows Grantaire well enough to know that he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it, even though, in Enjolras' eyes, it's quite an admirable thing to pursue. Grantaire can't have been sober for long, yet he's already at a party where the majority of their friends are intent on getting themselves drunk. Grantaire had insisted it was fine- he didn't want anyone not to drink just because he wasn't drinking- but now it's clear to Enjolras the strain being around so much alcohol is having on the other man.

They both pretend to ignore the way Grantaire's hands shake as he takes the coffee from Enjolras, muttering a quiet "Thanks." as he attempts to smile.

Enjolras sips his own coffee quietly, even as Grantaire spills more and more of his on the floor. "Fuck," he says eventually, placing the warm mug on the side and running his hands through his hair, "Fuck."

As far as comforting Grantaire goes, Enjolras is unsure what to do; Grantaire can be versatile, likely to respond either one way or the other and Enjolras can never tell which. He likes to consider himself a tactile person regarding his friends- sure, it takes him a little while to become close enough to people that he feels comfortable with physical affection, and it's true that he's usually on the receiving end. It's not often that Enjolras is the first to initiate any kind of touch- perhaps a hug when Courfeyrac is upset, or an arm around Combeferre when he's stressed and overworking himself- but that's as far as he goes.

Placing the coffee to one side, Enjolras walks over to where Grantaire's perched and pulls himself up on the counter next to him. "Hey," he says, trying to soften his voice as much as he can, "Grantaire."

Enjolras holds his hands out to Grantaire, hoping the gesture makes itself clear. After a slight hesitation, Grantaire places his own hands within Enjolras' and Enjolras squeezes gently, tracing the skin on the back of Grantaire's hands with his thumbs.

How long they sit like that Enjolras isn't sure; long enough that Grantaire's hands eventually stop shaking as violently and he leans further into Enjolras' side.

Enjolras knows it doesn't help much, but he hopes it helps enough.

There is a sign above the library door that clearly reads 'no drinks are to be consumed within the premises'. Exactly why then, Grantaire is stood next to Enjolras' table with two cups of coffee in his hands and a wide grin on his face, Enjolras cannot say.

"Coffee isn't allowed in here." he says curtly upon greeting Grantaire.

Grantaire's mouth opens and closes once before he speaks. "Hello to you too, Enjolras. Lovely day for studying, is it not? You really look like you could use some coffee though- why, look at this! Isn't it lucky that I seem to be in possession of two cups of coffee, when I can only possibly drink one myself? 'Tis truly a shame then, that no coffee is to be allowed in the library, for now I will have to waste the labours of thousands of coffee farmers! What a travesty!"

Enjolras loses the battle he's fighting, lips curling up into an amused smile despite his best efforts to stay scowling at Grantaire through his speech. Rolling his eyes, he holds his hand out to take the coffee from Grantaire, the man in question beaming beautifully as he hands it over.

"Thank you." Enjolras says eventually, realising it would be rude to take coffee from Grantaire and not thank him, severe breaching of the library rules or no.

"Anytime." Grantaire replies, eyes twinkling. "Anytime."

In an inevitable progression of events, Enjolras and Grantaire have their first fight one night at the Musain; the resulting fall out is so large that Enjolras is forced to cancel the meeting early- not that he can find it in himself to care much.

It starts with something small. Enjolras is discussing the ABC's latest ideas on how to raise awareness at the lack of disabled access on campus when Grantaire speaks up.

It's not hard to see that Grantaire is snarkier than usual- there's a certain bite in his words that Enjolras recognises all too well, and when he snorts derisively at Enjolras' calm rebuttal, something in Enjolras snaps.

He hasn't lost his temper in quite a while, and he's become a lot better at managing it since the explosive outbursts of his youth- though whether that's the anger management sessions or Combeferre's influence on him is anyone's guess. Enjolras' anger is usually a righteous thing, full of passion and fire, inspiring and awing, all at once.

Now however, there's nothing beautiful about it.

Their arguing gets worse the longer it goes on; Grantaire doesn't back down even when it's clear Enjolras' comments are starting to cut deep, and the irrational part of Enjolras' brain is mad that none of their friends thought to step in before the situation got worse.

Joly and Bossuet both leave along with Grantaire, despite the latter's instructions that no one follow him, and all the anger that seems to fuel Enjolras' body suddenly disappears, leaving him with a cold feeling of dread.

He can barely bring himself to meet Combeferre's gaze, knowing he fully deserves the wealth of disappointment he'll find there. Combeferre doesn't reprimand him at all on their walk home, nor once they're inside.

"What?" Combeferre asks at Enjolras' raised eyebrow, "You know what you said was out of line; you know you need to apologise. What you did was cruel but you don't need me to tell you that."

"I'd feel better if you yelled at me." Enjolras mutters, barely audible.

Combeferre smiles at him a little sadly. "I know."

He walks past, laying a hand on Enjolras' shoulder for a second before closing the door to his room with a definitive 'click'.

Enjolras knows he won't be able to sleep with all the thoughts that swim around in his head like a whirlpool. Instead, he makes himself a coffee (ignoring how the taste makes him think of Grantaire and their Tuesdays spent together) and attempts to catch up on his coursework.

It's not long however, until the coffee is cold and Enjolras falls asleep against the fifth draft of his apology speech to Grantaire.

The door to Grantaire, Bossuet, and Joly's apartment seems somehow bigger than the last time Enjolras visited. He's hesitant to knock, the doubt already clouding his mind, but he figures if he doesn't do it soon then he never will. He knocks.

When the door opens, it's to reveal Joly's usual cheerful looking face glaring at him sternly. Enjolras' throat feels dry when he tries to speak and he has to remind himself that Joly is only being a good friend and looking out for Grantaire, no matter how frustrating Enjolras finds the judgement.

"I came to apologise." Enjolras says, blunt and to the point. There's no use trying to reason with Joly; he'll ever let Enjolras in or he won't, simple as that.

"I thought you might." Joly says after scrutinising him carefully but making no attempt to move.

"May I see him?" Enjolras asks. He didn't want to go for the cliche of flowers or chocolate, knowing how Grantaire wouldn't appreciate the gesture, and instead nurses a cup of coffee just the way Grantaire likes it between his hands. He sees Joly's gaze linger on the coffee before he meets Enjolras' eyes again.

Joly sighs. "He told me to let you in if you showed up." he admits. The look he gives Enjolras isn't exactly a smile but it's a close thing. "So I guess you'd better come in."

He steps aside from the doorway and lets Enjolras in. Enjolras enters, feeling all too much like an intruder, and silently obeys when Joly points him in the direction of Grantaire's room.

Grantaire is sat on his bed, scrolling through his phone. He doesn't look up when Enjolras walks in, but the corners of his mouth do turn down slightly.

"I bought you coffee." Is the first thing Enjolras says when he sees Grantaire, which is not how this is supposed to be going at all. "And an apology. You don't have to accept either."

Grantaire's mouth curves upwards before he regulates his expression back into a frown. "I'll accept the coffee." he tells Enjolras, reaching out for the cup. "We'll see about the apology."

Enjolras nods, figuring now is as good a time to start speaking as any. "First of all, I'd like to say sorry for everything I said at the Musain; it was wrong of me and I didn't mean it I just..." Grantaire is kind enough to stay silent whilst Enjolras finds his words, watching Enjolras whilst sipping his coffee. "I have anger issues. And that's not me trying to excuse my behaviour- I know what I said was wrong, believe me. I get so angry and then I turn cruel and I'm deeply, deeply sorry for it now. I respect you and your input to the group and I'd really like to know if there's anything I can do to make this better. Even if that means not speaking to you anymore, I'd understand." The thought of not meeting Grantaire for coffee anymore makes Enjolras' heart clench painfully, but if it will make Grantaire more comfortable, he'll do it. "As I said, the anger issues make it hard for me to control myself sometimes, and, again, that's not an excuse, you-"

"Sounds like an excuse to me." Grantaire interrupts, expression carefully blank.

Enjolras' breath hitches. "You're right." he says eventually. "You're right, I'm sorry. I didn't intend it to be an excuse, but you're right."

Grantaire studies him closely for a long time. Enjolras tries not to collapse under the scrutiny, but it's getting harder and harder to hold Grantaire's stare. Eventually, Grantaire rolls his eyes and huffs, getting to his feet from the edge of the bed. "C'mere." he says, oddly gentle, holding his arms out to Enjolras.

Enjolras feels like he could cry. Hesitantly he steps into Grantaire's arms and all the anxiety of the past day is alleviated as Grantaire pulls Enjolras against his chest.

"We still have to talk about this," Grantaire murmurs into Enjolras' hair. "My self worth is fragile at the best of times, it really doesn't help when you of all people say things like that to me."

Enjolras nods against Grantaire's chest, screwing his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the onslaught of emotion. He doesn't allow himself to focus on what Grantaire means by 'you of all people' and instead apologises once more into the other man's chest. "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix it but I am."

"Apology accepted." Grantaire says, rubbing a hand down Enjolras' back. "Although I don't think I'm completely exempt from blame either- I was in a shitty mood and took it out on you. I provoked you and I kept pushing. So I'm sorry, too."

"Apology accepted." Enjolras parrots, pulling away from Grantaire before it gets awkward. "I'll see you on Tuesday?" Enjolras asks tentatively.

Grantaire snorts. "Of course. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

As it turns out, Grantaire is late for coffee that next Tuesday, and Enjolras feels a tightness in his chest- what if Grantaire changed his mind? What if he is still mad at Enjolras? His worrying turns out to be pointless, however, when Grantaire comes hurrying through the door a few minutes later, throwing himself into the empty space next to Enjolras and gulping down the coffee readily. "Shift ran over." he explains breathlessly.

Enjolras looks down to hide his smile, watching the way Grantaire's hands curl together around the coffee cup.

They do discuss their argument eventually. Grantaire is fidgety, practically unable to sit still whilst they talk- Enjolras just hopes it's from nerves rather than whatever withdrawal symptoms Grantaire is facing.

Enjolras tells Grantaire about his anger issues, speaking aloud about them to someone other than Courfeyrac or Combeferre for the first time. It's not an easy conversation by any counts, but Grantaire makes it less difficult by simply sitting and listening to Enjolras. In return, Grantaire talks about his depression and anxiety and the effect that they've had on his life. There's no doubt that it's a hard subject for Grantaire to talk about; he keeps his eyes firmly fixed on the table in front of him at all times, only looking up when Enjolras clears his throat.

"Can I?" he asks, hand hovering above Grantaire's where it lays against the table.

Grantaire looks briefly startled, but nods his head. Enjolras smiles, taking Grantaire's in his own as Grantaire begins speaking again.

They hug before going their separate ways- Enjolras to his lecture and Grantaire to the cafe where he works- and Enjolras can't shake the feeling that something has shifted within their relationship.

"Double espresso, please." Enjolras attempts to smile at Grantaire from over the counter but the muscles in his mouth won't co-operate.

God, he is so tired.

"You sure?" Grantaire asks, "You're looking pretty dead on your feet there, Enj."

"Hence the espresso." Enjolras snaps.

Grantaire says nothing, shrugging before going off to make Enjolras his espresso.

Enjolras sighs, running a hand through his hair. It's late, almost too late for him to be out walking around campus on his own, but he's been at the library practically all day and he still isn't finished with his work.

It's been a long day.

Grantaire returns with the drink, holding it out to Enjolras and staying mute during the exchange of money.

"Sorry for snapping," Enjolras says, "I'm just really tired." he attempts another smile that he imagines looks more like a grimace.

"It's fine," Grantaire waves a hand dismissively. "Just make sure you take care of yourself, alright?"

Enjolras nods, feeling a rush of affection stir up in his stomach. He only stays at the cafe for another hour, until Grantaire's pointed looks start getting to him, and until neither of them can ignore the way Enjolras' eyes keep drooping shut.

"Let me close up early and I'll walk you home?" Grantaire asks, watching Enjolras carefully. Enjolras finds he is too tired to protest, and so simply nods. The prospect of having Grantaire walk back with him isn't entirely an unwelcome one either; Enjolras hates being out alone at night.

Once the cafe is locked up Grantaire turns to Enjolras, "Shall we?" he asks, offering his arm out in a mock fashion.

Enjolras will forever blame it on the fatigue that he reaches out for Grantaire's hand in that moment. In retrospect, he probably should have asked if that was okay first, but Grantaire doesn't seem to mind much- his only response being to grip Enjolras' hand back and smile at him with something tender in his eyes. Besides, Grantaire's hands are really soft and Enjolras has been wanting to hold them for a while now.

They walk back with their hands joined and fingers interlaced. All too soon, they're at the apartment building's door and Grantaire lets go of Enjolras' hand in order to hug him goodbye.

"Thanks for walking me home." Enjolras murmurs once they've parted.

"No problem." Grantaire smiles, his round cheeks lighting up beautifully. He waves once more before walking back.

Enjolras watches him go, and his hand feels cold.

It's at the end of one of their Tuesday coffee meetings that Enjolras works up the nerve to ask.

Grantaire is in the middle of laughing at something Enjolras has said that wasn't even that funny, and the way his eyes scrunch up at the side makes Enjolras decide that, yes, it has to be now.

"Grantaire," Enjolras begins, taking a deep breath before continuing, "Would you like to get coffee with me sometime?"

Grantaire stares at him.

Enjolras waits.

Grantaire's eyebrows crease together and finally, finally, he speaks. "Well, now I'm really confused as to what we've been doing so far."

Enjolras blinks uncomprehendingly, waiting for Grantaire to continue, but he doesn't, he just focuses on the coffee cup in front of him as if it holds all the answers in the universe.

Frowning, Enjolras tries again. "No I mean like... Like a date. A coffee date." he exhales deeply now that the words are out there- it feels strange being in such a vulnerable position to Grantaire. Grantaire could easily reject his offer right now, but instead he gapes at Enjolras, eyes snapping up to his face at the word 'date'.

"You mean like... An actual date?" Grantaire asks eventually, voice just that little bit higher. "Not just meeting you for coffee inbetween your lectures?"

"An actual date." Enjolras confirms, nodding determinedly. "Not to say that I want to give this up, because I don't." he adds, gesturing between them.

Grantaire hesitates a second before smiling tentatively. "And this isn't a joke?" he asks, doubt creeping into his tone.

"Why would it be a joke?" Enjolras frowns.

Grantaire looks surprised. He shrugs, "I don't know, I just... Didn't expect this."

"Is that bad?"

"No!" Grantaire's eyes widen. "No, that's great! Unexpected, but great! I'd love to get coffee with you. As a date."

Enjolras breathes a sigh of relief, feeling the tension in his muscles relax. "So," he says, clearing his throat and loading his schedule up on his phone, "What day works for you?"

The way Grantaire smiles at that may just be the most beautiful thing Enjolras has ever seen.

They meet at the Corinthe on a Saturday evening. Enjolras had initially planned that they go somewhere different for their date, but Grantaire had insisted upon their usual spot and Enjolras couldn't really bring himself to disagree.

Logically, there's no reason for Enjolras to be nervous. They've done this many times before, in this exact cafe, the only difference is that now it's slightly later and Enjolras is a lot better dressed. He's wearing an outfit Combeferre and Courfeyrac helped him choose- his skinniest black jeans and a red button down, not to mention whatever kind of weird gel Courfeyrac put in his hair.

He taps his fingers against the coffee mug as he waits for Grantaire; it's not unusual for the other man to be late but Enjolras' heart doesn't seem to understand this, beating twice it's normal rate inside his chest.

When Grantaire finally does walk through the door, he looks about as nervous as Enjolras feels but also twice as handsome as usual. Enjolras waves from the table he's sat at and Grantaire brightens, walking towards him with a smile.

"Hey," Grantaire says, sitting down.

"Hey," Enjolras responds. He has to bite his lip to keep his grin from taking over his face.

As far as conversation goes, they get along fine save for an awkward ten minutes at the start. In all honesty, it's not too different from the other times they've spent together in this cafe- Enjolras almost feels as if he should be heading off towards his politics lecture once they're finished.

When the waitress comes to their table they make a quick decision to split the bill; this, more than anything makes it feel particularly like a date, seeing as they usually just pay individually.

"Would you consider doing this again sometime?" Enjolras asks without preamble once they're outside. His lack of hesitancy could maybe be blamed on the caffeine, but Enjolras thinks it's more than that.

"I'd love to." Grantaire responds, and that's all the confirmation Enjolras needs really- bringing his hand up to Grantaire's face, he rests his palm softly against Grantaire's cheek, making his intentions absolutely clear.

There's a pause in which Enjolras waits for Grantaire to consent in some way (Grantaire does, eyes widening as he nods slowly,) and then Enjolras is moving closer, closer, closer- until their faces are just centimeters apart.

It's Grantaire who finally bridges the gap between them, softly placing his lips upon Enjolras'. The kiss is soft, barely more than a press of lips, but it leaves both of them breathless and smiling nevertheless. Grantaire is looking at Enjolras like he can't quite believe it, and Enjolras imagines his own expression is somewhat similar.

"So," Grantaire says when it's become apparent that neither of them are too eager to part ways just yet. "Would you like to come back to mine? For coffee or... something?"

Enjolras decides that it will be kinder to save Grantaire's dignity and not point out that they've literally just had coffee together, and instead smiles. "I'd like that, yes."

When they get inside Grantaire's flat, Grantaire does actually follow up on the promise of coffee, turning the machine on with a small 'click'.

Enjolras isn't entirely sure what the etiquette for such situations are- he's pretty sure Grantaire didn't bring him back here simply for more coffee, but he's unable to articulate that thought in a way that doesn't seem presumptive.

He doesn't want to presume, anyway. If Grantaire did bring him here for more than coffee, well, then they're going to have to have a talk about boundaries before they do anything because Enjolras isn't sure he's ready for anything more than they've already shared.

"Hey," says Grantaire softly as he walks back into the room, laying down two coffee mugs on the table in front of the sofa. "Stop thinking so much. I could practically hear you worrying from the kitchen." his smile is gentle and his hand comes up to rest on Enjolras' neck, effectively putting him at ease.

Enjolras hums as Grantaire's other hand moves to cup his cheek. Settling into the touch, he closes his eyes just before their mouths meet once more.

This kiss is slower, more languid than the first, and instead of pulling away after their lips touch, Grantaire angles his head differently and deepens the kiss.

It's nice, if a little weird, but mainly nice. Enjolras finds that he quite likes kissing Grantaire- he likes the way they fit together, likes the feel of Grantaire's soft lips against his own.

Grantaire's hand shifts down to rest on Enjolras' waist and Enjolras feels himself stiffen. Almost immediately, Grantaire pulls away, moving his hand from Enjolras' waist at once. "Sorry," he says, still close enough that Enjolras can feel the exhale of breath on his lips. Enjolras just shakes his head in an attempt to articulate what he can't seem to say- he wants to explain, wants to reassure Grantaire, but he can't find the right words. Still slightly out of breath, Enjolras settles for simply letting his head fall against Grantaire's shoulder instead.

Grantaire seems content to let him rest there for however long he needs, holding his arms loosely around Enjolras' small frame.

"I've never really done this before with anyone." Enjolras says after a time, looking back up at Grantaire. "I've never trusted anyone enough." he admits, smiling slightly at Grantaire's sharp intake of breath. "I'd like to take things slow. For now."

Grantaire nods almost vigorously, taking Enjolras' hand in his and bringing it up to his lips. "That's fine," he says, planting a kiss on Enjolras' knuckles. "We really don't have to do anything other than kiss. I mean, we don't even have to do that if you'd rather, I don't know, watch a film or something."

Enjolras considers briefly before shaking his head, "I rather like kissing you." he admits like it's a secret, thoroughly enjoying the way it makes Grantaire's whole being seem to glow. "We can talk about boundaries and things later, but for now I really just want to carrying on kissing you. Is that okay?"

Grantaire scoffs. "'Is that okay?' he asks. Of course that's okay. More than okay- perfectly okay, in fact."

Enjolras rolls his eyes but still leans forward to hold Grantaire's face in both hands and bring their lips together slowly.

It's wonderful, kissing Grantaire like this. Enjolras truly had no idea how good kissing could feel- how intimate an act it could be. They kiss slowly this time, Grantaire's hands resting on Enjolras' shoulders as their mouths move over one another's.

Grantaire's lips still taste vaguely of coffee and-

"Grantaire." Enjolras whispers. In response, Grantaire just kisses him still more firmly and it takes all of Enjolras' willpower to pull away.

"Grantaire." Enjolras says again, desperately giddy now, "Grantaire, the coffee."

"What about the coffee?" Grantaire mumbles, burying his face in Enjolras' neck.

Enjolras giggles as Grantaire's mouth kisses up his jaw. "It'll be cold." he says, and why that is so funny he really doesn't know, but both him and Grantaire are laughing, deep, startling laughs that shake their whole bodies, and Enjolras finds he really doesn't care about the coffee, cold or no.

"I'll make you more coffee later, you ridiculous man." Grantaire promises, wiping a tear from his eye as he pulls Enjolras closer to him.

"Coffee later, kissing now." Enjolras agrees.

So that's what they do.

"Are you my boyfriend now?" Grantaire asks the following Tuesday, the question seeming to burst out of his mouth after Enjolras had kissed him in greeting. "I mean, is this what we're doing? Dating?"

Enjolras is momentarily stunned as it dawns on him that they'd never actually had the conversation about defining their relationship; it was late when Grantaire walked Enjolras home on Saturday, and Enjolras had meant to ask when they arrived at his flat- but then Grantaire had kissed him on the doorstep and all other thoughts had flown out of the window.

"Oh," he says articulately. "I... Kind of assumed so? That is to say, I told Combeferre that we were- but I can easily explain to him that it was a misunderstanding, if you don't want to be, of course." Enjolras is almost sure he's blushing now, and he hopes to hell that he's not.

Grantaire gapes at him for a few moments before his face splits into a wide grin that shows nearly all of his teeth. "You told Combeferre that we were dating?"

"I- yes. But he'll understand, if I tell him-"

"Enjolras. I'd very much like to be your boyfriend, so there's no need to tell Combeferre anything, alright?"

Enjolras just smiles at him. "Alright." he says, reaching across for Grantaire's hand. "I'd very much like to be your boyfriend, too."

"Well that's lucky then, isn't it?" Grantaire smirks.

"Mmmm." Agrees Enjolras, dragging Grantaire over to the counter to order their coffee.

Very lucky indeed.

"You awake yet, Honey?"

Enjolras vaguely registers a voice talking to him, but he's so warm and cosy in the blankets that it takes a minute for the words to process.

"Don't call me honey." He mumbles eventually, burrowing his face further into the pillow and groaning. Grantaire just laughs as he continues playing with Enjolras' soft hair.

"I always forget how grumpy you are in the morning before you've had your coffee."

Enjolras just grumbles in response and Grantaire laughs again, patting Enjolras' head in sympathy as he gets up, presumably to make Enjolras the coffee he so desperately needs. "Be right back, Honey." Grantaire calls. Enjolras musters what little energy is available to him this early in the morning and makes a half-assed attempt to flip Grantaire off.

He almost drops off again by the time Grantaire comes back with the coffee, but then he's being coaxed into a sitting position with a mug pressed between his fingers.

"Time to wake up!" Grantaire says brightly and Enjolras groans again as he sips his coffee.

"How are you so happy?" he asks, annoyed. "It's seven am, Grantaire, what the fuck."

Grantaire chuckles. "Do you know the date today?" he asks, pressing a kiss to Enjolras' temple.

Enjolras furrows his brow in thought. "Oh." he says after a while. "Happy anniversary, Grantaire."

"Happy anniversary, Enjolras." Grantaire smiles. "I love you."

"I love you too." Enjolras replies easily, smiling lazily up at Grantaire. "Almost as much as I love this coffee."