Chapter Text
Day 1 of parenting, Sonic’s hut, 2:00 PM
“I still don’t understand why you want a chao, Sonic.” Amy said, quirking a brow in the hero’s direction.
“Did you find it in the woods? Did you even check it for diseases?” Tails inquires, equally confused.
“What if Eggman goes after it?” Knuckles asks, then pauses. “What were we talking about again?”
and this, Sonic thinks to himself, is why I go out to the woods to be alone.
“Bingo isn’t diseased, Tails. He’s a perfectly healthy chao that I did not just pick up in Hazard Jungle.” Tails smirks.
“I never said Hazard Jungle.”
“… Okay maybe I found a chao in Hazard Jungle.” Sonic says. “But that doesn’t mean that he’s sick! You know all the medical stuff right? You check him out.” Sonic promptly dumps Bingo into Tails’ arms, who squeaks in indignation.
“I didn’t sign up for babysitting duty!”
“Too bad~” Sonic teases, turning to face Amy and leaving Knuckles forgotten. “Why can’t a guy want a chao? Is that so bad?”
“You know you’re not supposed to have your midlife crisis at—“ Amy started, but Sonic was already gone.
<<>>
Day 3 of parenting, Eggman’s volcano lair, 12:00 PM
“Chao!”
“Shhhh shhhh daddy’s talking with Egghead, ok?”
“So… you want me to stay clear of connect 4–“
“Bingo, Egghead.”
“Bingo.”
Sonic, after breaking into Eggman’s base for the third time that week, was negotiating for Bingo’s protection from the mad doctor.”
“Let me get this straight, you want me, your nemesis, to not only not hurt your kid, but babysit it occasionally?”
“Yep.” Sonic replied, popping the p.
“That sounds like a good arrangement.” Eggman replied, showing no resistance to his enemy’s odd request.
“Wait what.”
“I love kids.” Eggman said.
“Boss—“ Orbot began before The nearest sharp object began levitating and promptly speared the robot. Bingo giggled, clapping.
“D— did your chao do that?” Eggman asked, voice quivering.
“I think so, yeah.”
<<>>
Day 3 of parenting, Amy’s house, 9:00 PM
Sonic, rather clumsily, was standing at Amy’s kitchen island, kitchen knife in hand and cutting board at the ready. Knuckles, who Amy didn’t trust with any kitchen utensils, was in the living room with Bingo. The chao, despite having no fingers, was absolutely /obliterating/ the echidna at Copyright Free Italian Man Racing Game.
“Atten-hut!” Amy yells, and himself and Tails immediately straighten out like they’re in the army. (Amy is a drill Sargent in the kitchen so in a way, they are.) “What is your assignment?”
“Efficiently and precisely cut the apples into approximately 1/4 inch slices so we can beat Lady Walrus in the bake off with your apple-blackberry pie.” Sonic and Tails say in unison. Amy smiles a determined, grim smile.
“Begin.”
<<>>
Day 4 of parenting, Amy’s house, 12:00 AM
Hours later, Sonic and Tails were still chopping the apples while also participating in another activity. That activity was suffering. The two were loopy from standing at the kitchen counter for hours without any rest. Knuckles is asleep in the living room and Bingo is occupied drawing various obscene symbols on his face in sharpie.
“How many pounds did it say— youch!” Sonic yelps as one of Amy’s way-too-sharp kitchen knives slices clean through his glove and gives his hand a new future scar. Bingo perks up as Amy is yelling at his dad for getting blood on that one apple and floats over. “Bingo?” Sonic asks, supposed that his emotional support baby is still awake. The chao floats down and gives the injured finger a big sloppy kiss and Sonic and Amy watch in awe as the cut closes, leaving a scar that quickly fades.
“Chao!”
“… Still going with that ‘I found him in the woods story’ orr?” Tails asks, looking like he is about to collapse.
<<>>
Day 15 of parenting, Hedgehog Village square, 8:30 AM
“BINGO!” Sonic yells, panicked. /Shadow’s gonna kill me!/ he thinks to himself as he looks around for his chao. Dave looks up from his Scramblr page to give Sonic a raised eyebrow. “Dave you gotta help me! Have you seen a chao—“
“HeeHee!” A familiar voice giggles. Sonic looks behind Dave to see Bingo about to DIVE into Meh Burger’s not food safe deep fryer.
“No NO /NO/“ Sonic yells, a year promptly shaved off his lifespan from the stress. Bingo stops, thank chaos, and turns to look at Sonic with teary eyes. Oh no. The chao begins bawling, causing sonic to rush up and scoop him into his arms, quickly soothing the child. Dave turns back to his Scramblr page, writing a text post about some trolls or something. Sonic pulls up his communicator, calling Tails.
“Yeah?”
“What’s the best way to chao-proof a house?”
<<>>
Day 20 of parenting, Sonic’s hut, 4:00 PM
As it turns out, chao proofing was very similar to baby proofing. As a result, it was relatively easy to make sure Bingo didn’t get hurt in his own home. Unfortunately, chao proofing required a door that could be closed. So the past five days were spent getting a door for the formerly doorless hut.
Sonic was tired beyond belief, between the constant noise and the Eggman attacks, the hero was getting little to no sleep. Thankfully however, he finally managed some peace and quiet. As he flops unceremoniously onto his hammock, Bingo follows, settling down between his dad’s quills.
Amy enters the house, ready to yell at Sonic for being reckless when she notices the father and son sleeping peacefully. She ‘awwww’s and leaves. Her tirade can wait.
<<>>
Day 36 of parenting, Sonic’s hut, 6:30 AM
“Ughhh what—“
“… Sonic.” Shadow starts to speak, his own chao cradled in his arms. “You now have a door.”
Sonic, surprised by the sudden visit, stands confused for a second before sighing. “If this is because Egghead convinced you I was talking shit again please come back when I am not as exhausted so I can actually put up a fight, kay’?
“Don’t sweat in front of the chao, asshole.” Shadow swears, Sonic is faintly surprised that his rival looks so put together this early in the morning. “But no. I am temporarily leaving the island and I need someone to watch Pebbles.”
“Oh. Ok then.”
“Good. His favorite is mango. If all goes well I should be back by sundown.” Shadow places Pebbles, who is sleeping and will be very sad later when he wakes up to no cave ceiling, gently into Sonic’s arms. The Ultimate Lifeform turns to leave but gets stopped.
“What do you need to leave for?” Sonic asks, just now registering what’s been said to him. Shadow stops and turns his head slightly to face the cobalt hedgehog.
“I’m going to go blow up the military base that commander is stationed on. You didn’t hear that from me.”