Chapter Text
Josephine slumps at Leliana's table, “I swear I have been doing nothing but writing letters to Orleisan nobles telling them ‘no, you can't buy Commander Cullen.’”
Leliana laughs, “But Josie, now we have so much information coming to us from Orlais that we can use.”
Josephine groans against the table, “Too much. Cullen has since given me his mail to read first and if it’s from an admirer, reply to or else he will purposely cause an incident.”
”I know. Though I don’t know why he doesn’t want to read them, I have read some and they were quite explicit, fun reading.”
Josephine points accusingly at Leliana “This is all your fault, you know. If you are going to read the letters anyway maybe you should be the ones replying to them.”
Leliana went around and hugged Josie from behind “I can't possibly do that. I don't have your way with words.”
“You just don't want to.”
”And I wouldn't have time to do anything else.”
Josephine exclaimed “I don't have time to do anything else!”
”Actually, this gives me an idea.”
Josephine huffs “Anything like your last idea?”
The following day, Josephine and Leliana meet with the men of the inquisition excluding Cullen.
Josephine waits for everyone to sit, “As you have probably heard, there has been an influx of requests for our commander. Many, if not all of you have seen...depictions of him.”
Cole pipped up “That's supposed to be Cullen? It looks nothing like him. His eyes are too harsh in the paintings.”
Varric grinned, “I told my publisher I am killing the love interest in the next book. They'd rather have me write a whole new series based on him.”
Leliana decided it was her turn, “Well we have a solution that may help the commander as well as help the Inquisition.”
Bull stood up, “We go find the artist and make them stop.” When Josie gave him a look he sat back down.
Dorian said, “We cast a spell on the artist so they can no longer paint? Or an illusion spell to make Cullen not look so brooding. No one would recognize him then.”
Josephine shook her head “No. None of that will help.”
”What if Cullen actually smiles?” Dorian tries again.
Josephine sighs and continues “There has been a new fashion among nobles. They have been making cards of themselves. Others buy them to support them, to show loyalty, or just to have it.”
Blackwall spoke up, “And what has this got to do with us?”
Cole crouching on the table, “I know I can fit into people's minds but I doubt I can fit on a card. I could stand on one, will that work?”
Leliana said, “We thought that the inquisition should produce our own cards.”
Varric waved his hands in front of himself “Oh nononono.”
Leliana continued, “It will be tasteful and will help spread word of the inquisition further, help earn us coin and followers.”
Blackwall stood up now, “This is ridiculous.”
Bull leaned back in his chair, “I don't know. I kinda like the idea. Work gets done by doing nothing. Sounds like a win-win.”
Solas leaned forward toward Josie and Leliana, “So, when will you be getting your portraits done?”
”What?”
”Well, you said of the inquisition did you not? Where would we be without our ambassador and spymaster?”
Leliana looked at Josephine, “We just meant the men of the inquisition.”
Dorian shook his head, “Uh Uh. Fair is fair. If we are doing this, so should be the ladies.”
Josephine swallowed, “Well, I, that isn't what we had planned.”
Solas said, “You did say it would be tasteful work. And wouldn't you want to be known far and wide? Suddenly shy?”
Varric laughs, “That’s a good point, Chuckles. Who is going tell Cassandra that she'll need to model for art?”
Dorian placed his hand on his chin thoughtfully, “Maybe instead of trading cards, we should do a Wicked Grace deck. That would have a larger audience.”
”Who would be the Angel of Death? Corypheus or the Inquisitor?” Bull asked.
Josephine cleared her throat “We will take your comments under consideration. We will let you know if we will need you further.” Josephine promptly leaves.
Dorian looks towards the roof, “Do you think they could actually paint Sera without her doing something rude?”
Varric said, “I have traveled with Cassandra for years. I don't think have ever seen her without armor.”
Cole leaned over Varric, “You mean her shell comes off too?”
Bull looked thoughtful, “I don't know. I think ma'am Vivienne wouldn't mind.”
Solas got up and shooed them all, “Could you all please leave now? You can continue this conversation elsewhere. I need to study some old scripts and I can't focus with your murmurings.”
Dorian stood, “Ever the party pooper. Let's get a table by the tavern window. We can watch whatever poor soul has to tell Cassandra the fantastic news.”
Varric reaches into his pocket, “Three silver says the messenger faints.”
”I say she punches them,” Bull punches the air.
Blackwall said sarcastically, “Maybe I should stop by the kitchen and grab us some snacks first.”
Cole wandered over to Blackwall, “I'll help you carry them, this is going take a while. We will need a lot.”
The inquisition men take seats upstairs in the tavern with all their snacks to get a better view. Many hours pass until they hear shouting from outside.
Cassandra was the one shouting, “She wants me to do what?!”
Dorian looked out the window, “And so the entertainment begins”
Bull leaned forward to get a better look, “No, that’s one of Leliana's spys. They won't faint and if Cassandra takes a swing, they should be able to block or dodge.”
”Smart.”
Leliana spoke from behind them, “Did you think I would send a fresh recruit to deal with Cassandra?”
The whole table turned and were startled to see Leliana standing there, also peering out the window.
Blackwall asked, “What are you doing here?”
From outside they could hear Cassandra yell, “I demand to speak with her now!”
Leliana grabbed a chair and sat, “Let's say I am playing hide and seek with our seeker.”
Varric chuckles “That's a dangerous game.”
”I just have to hide long enough for her to calm down.”
”You will be here a while.”
Dorian looked away from Cassandra stomping off towards the castle, “You didn't happen to bring a Wicked Grace deck with you?”
Leliana smiled, “Not one with you painted on it. So who's ready to lose their coin?”
Blackwall looked nervously after Cassandra, “What about Lady Josephine? Is she going to be safe?”
”She'll be fine. I told them to say it was all my idea. At worse, Cassandra will complain to our dear ambassador, I will hear it from her, and with any luck, she may be able to convince Cassandra to play along.” Leliana shuffled the deck.
Varric said “I doubt that.”
Leliana grinned “Want to bet on it?”
”Let's see how the cards go first then I may be willing.”