Chapter Text
Fredrinn has no words to say from his statement. He turned his gaze to the floor as guilt washed over him
If only Fredrinn had made up his mind long ago to stay….
"....that was unfair. It was all my fault. We……-no. I tried to play the hero again right after what I did to Julian” the blue-haired lower his voice like he was committing his sin
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Xavier can hear it clearly
The moments of cheering sounds from those unfortunate souls they have saved were addictive to him
Saviour! Saviour! Saviour!
Xavier .
This is what it feels like to be a hero. This is what the Arbiter of Lights has supposed to do, he thought
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Two years ago
The new recruit’s name was Fredrinn and he already achieved the title of general. He was a noble. It means, they always took two stairs to the top with money
The man has a strong jaw and undercuts hair. He had a strong and muscled body that made Xavier doubt any bullets or sharp edges can cut his skin. His skin was tanned, a sign that this man spent most of his time in the field. And he has eyes filled with gentle purple.
Judging from the looks, this man will only bring trouble. He didn’t look like a believer with his sailor's mouth. He even made jokes to the Lord of Lights!
The days Fredrinn spent mostly with his own squad. He laughed and chatter a lot with them. He talked to everyone, he greeted everyone. Xavier can see he tried to build no boundaries between general and subordinate. He was building…. teammates
He didn’t act like a snob noble out there. He was carefree like nothing could bind him. Like he lived without burdens
He was something.
But Xavier found him annoying since the man insisted to go on every mission with him, especially when it comes to going to restricted areas
And there was a mission that sends a spark to the blue-eyed man’s morality
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In words, Fredrinn became his new partner, and replacing Alucard
“Sapphire, I think you are going too far”
The heretics already in lineand crouched down but refused to look to the ground. They waiting for whatever comes to them, as they were facing the holy army in their front, spears pointed right into their heads. They already expecting their loss, and they didn’t regret anything. They were proud men after all. At least they died as free men, unbound by the church. They were all dying with so many ugly cuts trailed on their skin, and their breaths were rigid
Dying men against the shining full force army without single cuts
“Don’t interrupt me, douche. We don’t do mercy here,” said the holy commander
He stood proudly and aimed their heads, ready to cast a spell with his delicate finger.
A deadly spell
“Giving them a second chance will only bring their pathetic lives more miserable since they already have nothing left” he stated
“Does your God teach you with violence? Last time I heard, they say God sends love and forgiveness to us all. Even for those who against him” said the burly man mockingly as he approached the man from the crowd
“Oh, so now you teach how the God’s work, huh? You don’t speak God’s like you are one of us, the true believer!” he tensed and looked at the noisy man angrily
The man lowered his shoulders and shook his head
“I don’t have to worship shit to see things, gem. The way I see it, you just fucked up faith with violence. The only thing you do right now is …. Playing the judge of one’s life worth. You decide who deserve God’s mercy, and whose don’t,” the man paused
“It’s that the way of the church ? No doubt that the Free Smiths are growing number, ” and the bulky man spat on the ground
Xavier had enough, he shot his lights right into the chattered man until he fell.
“Don’t. Interrupt. My mission,” he warned the other, as he flew to the thin air and send lights to the dying men
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The Arbiter of Lights had felt awful after what had happened
He can’t had a good night's sleep ever since.
The foolish man’s words playing around his head like a broken record
He knew what the others think.
The Arbiter of Light sent the judgment ruthlessly
He crushed the dying men with God's gift
He did all of these vile acts in the name of God
Yes, he twisting faith with violence
They , twisting faith as violence as he and his men only follow the order
Furthermore, the way he sees things has slowly shifted. He began to question all of his doing.
All the Monastery were doing
Then, he realizes all Fredrinn did back then was to remind him to do the right thing and see the whole situation.
Not just as simple as finishing the job.
Not what the way of church had taught him to finish everything
Killing people in the name of God
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As the days he spent with this cocky man, the more he learned about him
The silver-haired man was not fond of reckless acts. He prefers to settle things with brain
But something was odd about him
Some days he found the man busying himself like he was looking for something. Or is it someone? Like choosing the mission off the border or the site that hasn’t been covered or a limited site.
One certain point was he often found the man spent his time off in the Monastery's library or the archive chamber on his own
Xavier guessed that maybe it was the reason he join the Monastery. Not because of his faith to the Gods or to the Kings of Light.
He never acts like devotion to the two. The man has his own agenda.
And the said man never tell him a thing
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They were on their way to the next heretics mission
They always walk side by side. The douche always took the same step as his, as he close their gaps until their shoulders met the others
“Heh, don’t think your interruption will change a thing again, douche. Last time, it didn’t go well fo you”
Xavier might shot him with his lights until he fell to the ground at that time, but the others seem didn’t mind after what happened
Like it was not a big deal at all
“Awwww, you care about me, sapphire ” Fredrinn teased
Xavier just rolled his eyes
Then the silver-haired man grab his hand with gentle to halt his movements
"......What?" he faced the other
The man gave him a soft smile. A smile that was different from his famous smug smile
“I’ve never doubted your capacity, gem. I know you are capable of seeing shits while others can’t. Your glistening eyes accommodate that for you, ” said the man as he tuck his blue-haired strands behind his ear
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As their feeling go stronger toward one another, the two shift their… whatever they were having, to bed
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The Heretic Fortress mission,
It has never been in his dream that the bishop sent the Arbiter of Light on a genocide mission. They were about to crush Free Smith’s base operation, the heretic’s guild who were against the way of the church.
The blue-haired man was expecting that muscled arms with heavy equipment army to stand their way, but it turned out it…..was all children and women!
They were all panicked with the sudden ambush and they ran as fast as they could
Xavier was stopped dead as he can’t move a muscle as the force behind him slowly entered the fortress.
The Raven Force
The most secure and deadly troops belong to the church and the Empire. Their secret weapon
They were built by the church but they were different from the usual troops. Their tasks were specifically to eliminate the heretics. The force was brainless, yet heartless. They acted under one single command :
Wipe all those heretics
And they become mindless beasts, uncontrollable, and fierce. The only thing that could stop them when the jobs were done. They didn't care whose their attacking, whether they were women, children, and old people.
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Why does such a mission need Raven? They were against the weaklings, for Lord’s sake!
However, when he took two to five minutes to process things, the Raven was already attacking with a dash. He tried to keep himself together and stop the raid. Knowing his command won’t do any good, he attacked the force by himself, protecting an old woman who was about to die. Some of the Ravens were down by his assaults, but the others didn't stop and continued the suppression
He helped those people to run as best as he can by making an escape route. But his hands were too small, and The Ravens were too many. Most of the old people were injured badly. They can’t move fast, even when the Commander of Lights tried to distract the savages.
And then he saw a small group of Raven in the corner of the village. They took the children by force, and secure them as war prisoners.
What do they want with the children?
Xavier shot the small group with his lights and covered the chained children behind him. His lithe form won’t cover them much, but at least they knew they were being protected
The Raven had enough of their commander's strange action. Then, they surrounded him in the circle with all the spears pointed at him
"Your Holy Commander, we've seen enough. You are siding with heretics and abandon the mission" says the bulkiest Raven in a flat tone. Xavier can't see their face since they were covered with a raven-shaped helmet
"No, this is blasphemy! You disgrace the Holy Monastery's honor! The mission was supposed to wipe all the smiths, not the weaklings!" Xavier scream as he contained with anger
"Step aside, your commander"
Xavier cast his magic when the bulk tried to get close to him and fainted him an instant. He knew his limits. He didn’t stand a chance when it come to close combat. His magic wasn't enough to kill the full power of men, only sending them heavily injured maximum.
"Last warning, your commander," said the other Raven, and more men cornered
Xavier can't even think. He possibly can run and stunned them for long seconds, but it wasn't enough to help the children escape. He can't risk the kids behind him.
If only that douche was here…. He will want the same thing as me. He will stop the raid
The said douche was occupied with another mission at that time. Disappointment and dejection were running through his body when the memory of him washed over him
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"What's going on here?" a voice came around them
Alucard
The hero of people. A pioneer for little boys and girls because of his bravery. The demon slayer. The peacekeeper of the Empire. And also the Arbiter of Lights
But he was not enough to be the hero that the Holy Commander expected in that horrid day
"Alu, tell these disgraceful troops to pull out! This is not what we signed up for, "
Alucard was silent. The hero took a deep breath and stood still, not doing anything tho grant his wishes
"Alucard, " Xavier called him angrily.
And he knew well what was about to happen
He didn't side with him at the most crucial time. They were growing up together in the Monastery, they achieved the title side by side, and they already accomplished missions together
He wondered if there was a price for their partnership
"We have to finish the task, Xavier," said Alucard in a warning tone, but his face was soft
"For once in your miserable life, Alu, Be the goddamn hero! Be the pioneer to these kids! Save them!" Xavier couldn't stop his anger
Pain and disappointment rush over him. Is he expecting the blonde a bit too much?
"You know the procedures well. These kids are heretics. We secured the kids and sent them to the orphanage. The mentor will teach them about the Lord of Lights the right way so they will not be against the church in the future. This is-"
"Now you insulting my intelligence? Who is the expert of this field, huh? I am the damn commander of every heretics mission here, and have never seen injured children with cuffs sent to the orphanage!" he screamed
He can't believe what he just heard.
"Enough, Xavier"
The moment stopped. The only sounds he could hear were the children's cry
Yes, I had enough. I had enough of trusting you. You are just the same as the Archbishop. You are not him
Xavier attacked Alu with the snap of his fingers gracefully, and Alu was fall to the ground in instant, not trying to dodge it. The Ravens couldn't wait anymore, they charged at Xavier to the ground until he was immobilized as the others secure the scared kids
He didn't know what happened to those kids, until 2 years later.
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A month later after the fortress mission, Xavier knew there was no reason to stay at the Monastery
Right before the day of his escape plan, Fredrinn offer him his devotion
He wants Xavier by his side and to go on an adventure to find his lost friend
The Arbiter of Light was lost
He finally knew what the man was looking for in the first place. He joined the Monastery so he could dig pieces of information and bits of knowledge to find any clues
A clue to seek the unseen paths
To seek his missing friend
His dearest friend. A friend that once closed to the burly man
A friend before Xavier
After all this time, Xavier thought wrong. The burly give no shit about Monastery. He didn’t care about the disguise behind that shining palace at all.
Why did he talk about morality and trash back then? Why did he act like he wanted to reveal all the corruption of the church? Why did he give me the idea to seek the truth, while he didn’t care about anything at all?
In short, they didn’t want the same thing
So he left, without a single note to the man the he once embraced
He blew up the Monastery along with Fredrinn and Alucard
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Two years later
How the Raven were trained to become savages was revealed when he discover the force's training camp with his two companions, Yin and Melissa
The Raven Concentration Camp. The place where the classified troops were trained
But only….. it was all children!
Xavier paled. The answer was here all along. Those kids were trained and tortured to become their secret weapons. This is blasphemy! He flew his lithe form to the thin air and blew the whole site with his signature attack. Meanwhile, Yin and Melissa sneaked out to get the children out of the camp and attacked the guards.
He attacked the entire site with full force, freeing the kids from their training room. The face of those scared kids haunts him days and nights.
The guards were scattered everywhere like panicked ants and rushed forward to counterattack. But there was no use. The azure-eyed man flew into the air and continued to send the lights
They saw him as a judgment from God himself for their sin as the blue-eyed man was surrounded by the brights of light and blew the site
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When he finished securing the victims in a safe area, he saw Melissa holding the unconscious crimson-haired child. She told him that the boy was under torture to bear the pain.
That’s how the groups found Julian. And they swore on that day to protect the little Raven with the costs of their life
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It was the time Xavier knew that there was more than this. He vowed to himself he have to broke what they had already built.
How dare the church brainwash and turned the heretic’s children to be mindless troops?
Stop being the villains for the heretics, gems
He never forgets every word Fredrinn threw at him
Then, Xavier felt his stomach turn. He was ashamed that he was one of them and become a loyal believer before
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They have already established five Raven camps to blow so far. But the sixth time were disasters
“Being a hero was addictive, you know. The people bow to you, showering you with high praises and petals. Like you came from heaven. Like you are their salvation ” he said mockingly
“No wonder Alucard always takes the role. People love someone to do the hard work for their own interest, ”
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Xavier continued his story.
He wanted the other to listen to what happened in detail since he always kept things to himself
“ Soon when we found the sixth Raven’s camp training, we broke in. But it was all a trap. The children we saw in the camp were not the trainee or the victims there, but rather the Raven itself. We were surrounded by the entire Moniyan's Raven, can't you imagine that? "
Xavier let out a bitter laugh
He knew he already angered the Higher Ups who sit nicely in the Monastery. They wanted to prevent their dirty work gone public. They need to silence this wandering group, as to prevent new heretic guilds from being born
"They really bust their ass out to silence a traitor with three kids," he said in a mocking tone and looked away like he tried to hide his shame
He needed to breathe and put himself together as he didn’t want the others to see him as weak
“My magic was immune to them. Later that I learned, they wore a special armor to absorb my magic.
“I was so frustrated being so weak at that time, and I can’t fly to the air either. Julian was trembling hard, he hugged my legs so tight like he was about to crush his little fingers”
“Our only defense was Yin as he was expertise in close combat. He was under pressure, so the Lieh, his demon, won’t come out. The next thing I know, someone attacked my back, pulled me out, and separated me from the kids.
“And when I was about to send them my ultimate, my finger was cut. Lord knows how that happened”
Xavier went silent. He looked up at his shaky right hand to make sure his fingers were complete right now, while his other hand support the sleeping Raven
“I’m planning to counter them with my cut finger, but… the lights won’t come out, Fred. The lights were dead. My magic was gone”
Xavier gulped as he rubbed his beautiful eyes. He felt cold all of sudden
“And the Raven see it as an opportunity to launch at me”
“I can hear the kids screaming my name from afar, as I feel my body being lifted before everything went black” he shivered.
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Fredrinn then give him his monstrous coat when he saw the other was shivering. The coat was big enough to cover them both since their size were different
He wanted to hold him so badly right now. But he knew the sapphire will hate if he sent him comfort. He hates when Fredrinn saw him weak
And the fucking brat already got him in the way by sleeping in his arms. So the bulky man just stood close to him. Close enough so the gem knew he was not alone while he proceed things
His precious gem had through a lot.
And not a single time he was there to bear the burdens
"So, how did you survive?" Fredrinn asked in a low tone
Xavier explained what was coming at the last minute. It was Alucard who stopped the raid, and he didn’t want to know the details. The fierce little Raven who had taken down the half armies single-handedly ran out of energy. He fainted in his siblings' arms.
“The next time I knew I was already in bed. The kids were surrounding me in worry, ” he clutched the coat with his free hand
“I can’t give you the details, since I didn’t know about it either. What matters was, that I can continue to protect my precious, ”
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This was one hell of a story, and the burly man didn’t know a thing. If Melissa didn’t bring the topic hours ago….
"When exactly this happen again? Why nobody gives me a single fuck?"
"Now there’s an idea. How many times have you come to visit here?"
Fredrinn thought hard. He was pretty sure it was more than three times…
"Several times"
"Oh, Lord. You are such a dick. To think I let someone helpless like you enter my home," he groaned
".....eight times?" the silver-haired man tried again
"Seven times. Don't ever think like you were higher than that number. Alucard has a great number than you"
"He visits you here?" his voice was hoarse, and his brows furrowed
“Of course”
Fredrinn turned away as he took two steps away
Xavier cleared his throat to continue
"Don’t give me that look. Anyway, I was badly injured after the raid. It was him to do everything he could to restore my life. He wanted to make amends, for everything had happened between us. After all, we were partners before, “
Before you, he didn’t add
"He then helped me to visit the Moonlight Forest to meet my relatives there"
That place was the nest of expert healers and they don't share their gift with anyone easily. When Xavier mentioned his mother's name, everyone welcomed him with warm hands
They can easily heal his ugly scar in the back and restore his magic.
Also, they can afford to help him to grow back his missing finger… but the cost of his privilege as an elf-blooded man
“Approximately, I can live for about 150 years, while they were around 300 years. The Grand Healer said I was lucky I’m an elf because an ordinary man will not stand a chance. With my half-blooded state, my life span will be cut in exchange for one finger growing back. For how much it will be cut, I have no idea”
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Funny when the bulk said he already achieved things. It had cost him everything. It had cost him his age, it had cost him their safety, it had cost him his power
Even though the blue-eyed man already recovered, he was still afraid to use his magic. The thought of the dead lights slightly made him tremble hard, as the anxiety consumed him. Despite the elves already convincing him his magic was good as new, he still chooses to believe that the Mystic Magic was gone forever
“Xavier, you’re trembling, ” came a voice to cut his train of thought
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then slowly open it back to see the other. He didn’t notice he finally let the tears fly freely through his cheeks
“I’m fine, ” he whipped his tears
The other man only nodded and gave him minutes or two for him to breathe
Xavier knew the man wanted to hold him. But he didn’t think he was ready, because he was so vulnerable right now. He chooses to step backwards and hold the sleeping Raven tighter
“To answer your question, it all happened before we decided to settle, “ he said slowly as he tried to gather himself from crying
"Of course, you didn’t suspect anything, douche, as the man you see right now already whole again” he showed his five beautiful fingers.
But my heart was not, he didn’t add
“And there is no use to retelling a bitter story” he concluded
“Yeah, I know my precious, ” Fredrinn rubbed his eyes and he continued
“You are the bravest man I knew Xavier. You finally let morality leads your way and shows the punks the senses of humanity. Whether they were heretics or believers needs help, you treated them equally”
“And now you already distinguish red pups between two identities, the Raven and the normal kid, ”
Xavier turned his gaze away
It was because of you, my dear. If only we haven't met before… If only you never encourage me to use my eyes properly
“Your flatter doesn’t work on me, and you know that, ” he snorted
“No, I just use my damn eyes to see valuable things. And my mouth just doing it’s job, ” he shrugged
Xavier laughed. A mixed laugh and cry.
Fredrinn could see colors on the other’s cheek as the man silently wish he can see that more often
“Let me take pups to bed. I know your hands are tiring”
“No thanks, I think I bring him with me. I bet those two already occupied the bed”
Fredrinn let out his heavy breath, and suddenly his body felt tired too.
For a second, he wondered if the other will offered him a place to rest, to lay his spinning head into the other’s body
But the little brats were already minutes away to occupy the master bedroom’s bed, along with his gem
Fucking brats.
Even in his sleep, the kid still hates him
When the others were about to leave, the silver-haired man stopped him by grabbing his free hand
“Xavier… I ... forgive me, ” his voice low
Forgive me for not being there most of the time. Forgive me for not supporting you through the hard times. Forgive me for even letting you experience a bitter past
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Xavier knew the meaning behind those words.
Fredrinn was the most sincere, and honest person he had ever known. He was the man of his word. He never did things he never says
It was not a pity. It was a pang of guilt.
His path seeker never saw him as weaklings. He always saw him as equals
Like the old days in the Monastery, when they worked together to finish quests
Yet, the blue-haired man only understands harsh words
“I don’t need your pity”
“Of course, ” the other sighed, and released his grip
Xavier balled his palm and collected his courage by rubbing the bulky man’s rough cheek
"Fredrinn, I think…..we hurt each other enough, "
Fredrinn only blinked, his body stood still and looked up to face the other
But when he was about to say something, Xavier already turned away with his coat still hanging to his shoulder. The lithe man excuse himself and headed upstairs, leaving the silver-haired man alone in the foyer
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When the Raven woke up, he was in an unfamiliar bed.
Oh, it was Xavier’s. He was in Xavier’s big room. He looked up at the window and notice it was already noon. He went out of the room and reached downstairs in a rush as he heard laughter
He could see his siblings sitting on the carpeted floor in the living room and the adults were….
Oh….the big man still here? And he was sleeping, lying on the small sofa that his long legs couldn't accommodate like yesterday. And his head was in….Xavier's lap.
Wait… it should have been his spot!
When the Raven tried to approach the sleeping figure to throw a punch-
"Ah Julian, come sit next to us! " said Yin with a cheerful tone and motioned him to sit on the floor
And next to him was-
"Hi Julian, long time no see! Give sister Wanwan a big hug! " said Wanwan as she took a cookie from the jar
Julian give her a shy smile as he approached the street performer. He missed her and her tricks.
Without hesitation, the raven hugged the giggling teen, and then sit between the couple.
Once he settled, he looked at the figures in front of him. Xavier smiles, with his long fingers tucking the big man's head.
Xavier smiles
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The next day he woke up, the big man still there
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And the next morning
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And the next morning
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For how long the big man stays, Julian only needs to find out.
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EPILOGUE
Monastery of Lights
"Sir Alucard, there's package for you at your desk, " said a servant
The Arbiter of Light raised an eyebrow.
"Oh thank you"
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Once he reached his desk, he opened the box package and found-
A plastic present with a pink ribbon sealed in the middle and contained with cookies. But it's not just cookies, it was burnt cookies
What the Hell?
He untied the rainbow and took a closer look of what was the inside
It was all poop shape. With some of them were ass or boobs (he can't decide), and penises. Most of them were burnt
"Someone is pretty pissed at you" came a voice beside him.
It was Granger
"Yeah I bet " he hummed
"Oh, there is a note. Let's hear it!" came a voice from the other side
It was Fanny
'Enjoy your dick-shit cookies, Dickwards'
"Whom ever it was, they must be-"
The two jumped when Alucard laughed out loud, echoing to the entire room. Fanny can see tears pricking from his eyes
"Aren't you supposed to be offended? " asked the gunslinger
"...Nah " he continued to laugh
"Who sent this anyway? ”
Alucard took a deep breath, and smile never living him
"Shithead Vence is home," said the Arbiter of Light as he took a bite of the shit-shaped cookies
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