Chapter Text
Eijiro was going to be sick.
A wave of light-headedness swept through him and he could feel his throat tighten making him breathe shallow. Without warning of any kind to Denki or Hanta he turned on his heels and bolted for the door, he needed to get out of that room. Eijiro threw open the door to the training room and ran into the hallway trying to remember which direction the bathroom was. He knew he had probably pulled everyone’s attention away from the grand spectacle on display. Good. He couldn’t watch it anymore, couldn’t think about it.
As he stumbled into the bathroom and hunched over the sink he felt absolutely pathetic. His pulse was racing and he was finding it hard to catch his breath. Was he having a panic attack? He’d only ever had them before when something triggered memories from the war, never over day to day things. The prospect of that made him feel worse and made his reaction amplify. His anxiousness from the last few hours had reached its max capacity and his body didn’t know how to handle it.
He’d blown it. Blown it? He never stood a chance. He was losing his best friend right before his eyes and he wasn’t doing anything about it except freaking the fuck out in a dirty school bathroom. He was losing him and any chance he could have possibly had with him. He was nothing compared to those two. Nothing.
Useless.
Coward.
Weak.
You call yourself a hero yet you’ll never be equal to their level. Never. You couldn’t even save him.
He heard a knock on the door from outside.
“Hey man, are you okay in there? You ran out of the gym kinda fast.” It was Denki. He could hear some unintelligible mumbling from the other side of the door and figured Hanta had probably followed him to check on Eijiro as well.
Eijiro pressed his lips together in a tight line and tried to focus on his breathing before answering. Deep inhale. Hold for three. But then on the exhale a few tears came with it. Calm down, shit man you have to calm down, this is stupid, you’re being stupid.
“What the fuck is going on?” Eijiro heard from outside. It was Bakugo. His heart sank.
“I don’t know he just ran in here. He looked all pale and like he was gonna be sick.”
“Both of you go back to Aizawa and tell him we’ll be right back.”
“But what are you-?”
“I said go tell Aizawa! Get out of the way already!”
A few seconds passed as Eijiro listened to Denki and Hanta’s footsteps fade, during which he was able to slow his breathing down a bit and stop the rogue tears that had escaped. Another few seconds later and a knock was heard on the door, quiet but firm.
“Kirishima, can I come in?”
He honestly wasn’t sure if seeing Bakugo right now would make him feel better or worse. Seeing him training with Midoriya had left him feeling so insecure and pathetic he almost wanted to just lock himself away from the world right now and try to forget it all. And yet, the calmness in Bakugo’s voice made a certain kind of peace fall over him, one that was already fighting off his anxieties. It was the kind of peace and ease he felt whenever the blond comforted him from his nightmares or when the two of them would sit in silence watching a movie together. And despite what he had seen during training, Bakugo was here now and was trying to help him. That had to be worth something.
For good measure Eijiro took one more deep breath and tried to steady his voice as much as possible before responding.
“Yeah,” he croaked.
The door to the bathroom opened slower than he was expecting it to. He looked up from the sink and locked eyes with Bakugo in the mirror. The blond’s face was still shining with sweat and was flushed pink from the workout he had just come from, the workout that Eijiro’s exit had pulled him away from. His eyebrows were knit together in what could have been frustration or concern. Eijiro really hoped it was the latter.
“I’m fine,” Eijiro rushed out before Bakugo could say anything.
“Bull shit,” Bakugo countered immediately, coming up to stand beside him. He looked like he was unsure of what to do next and his hands seemed to hover near his sides. “Sit down for a sec or something.”
Eijiro didn’t have the fight in him at the moment to deny the command so he nodded. He sat down unceremoniously on the floor and tried not to think about how gross that actually was. He pulled his knees up, draped his arms over them and tried to steady his breathing further.
Bakugo moved to sit down in front of him, legs crossed. He was careful not to get in Eijiro’s space too much and gave him room to breathe. It was an odd picture, the two of them sitting down on a bathroom floor in silence. Eijiro stared at the lines where the tiles crossed and tried very hard not to stare at the boy in front of him, he only lasted a few moments before his eyes snapped up. Bakugo on the other hand was examining Eijiro with a curious gaze. He was scowling slightly and looked a little confused, but he was patient with Eijiro and let Eijiro take the time he needed to regain his composure. It took a few more minutes of sitting in silence, but Eijiro was finally able to calm himself down and it suddenly hit him how embarrassed he was by his own reaction.
“Don’t do that,” Bakugo spoke harshly, his voice bouncing off the tile and breaking the silence.
“Do what?”
“Think you’re stupid for freaking out. It’s written all over your face, you’re beating yourself up right now in your head.” Bakugo said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Eijiro’s eyebrows shot up slightly in surprise. He didn’t think he had been that obvious in his outward reaction, but he guessed Bakugo had always been very good at reading him. “It’s the first day back, it makes sense that fighting again would bring back a lot of bad memories.”
Well, almost very good at reading him. Bakugo wasn’t wrong, but Eijiro wasn’t about to correct him that the reason he was freaking out in a school bathroom wasn’t because of the horrific trauma they had all gone through, but rather the prospect of losing any chance he may have had to confess his true feelings to his long time crush and best friend.
“I guess it’s just scary sometimes,” Eijiro began. “Being out of control of a situation, not being able to do something when you want to so badly.” He was being vague, and he knew it, but he wasn’t being dishonest. His words applied to a lot of what he felt: his nerves from being back in the action after the war, his fear of losing Bakugo like he almost had back in April, and his anxieties of losing him to Midoriya now. He also worded his thoughts carefully and purposefully like that so perhaps Bakugo could offer him some peace of mind on the matter of Midoriya even though he didn’t know Eijiro was seeking it.
Bakugo nodded along with his words. He took some time to collect his thoughts before he answered. Eijiro had noticed he did this often when the two of them discussed deep things like this and Bakugo wanted to make sure he was giving thoughtful replies. Eijiro appreciated it.
“I feel like that too, a lot. I like to be in control of the situation at all times,” Bakugo confided. Eijiro let his legs relax and took up a cross legged sitting position that mimicked Bakugo’s. He noticed their knees brushed ever so slightly and he was thankful for the contact, as minimal as it was. “And when I don’t have it, I get it back, simple as that. Sometimes that just means getting control over yourself.”
Eijiro took in Bakugo’s remarks and considered it. He was right. He hadn’t been able to do anything when Bakugo was in danger during the war and he still carried so much grief about that. There were so many things he wished he had told Bakugo before he got injured and they had haunted him, they continued to haunt him every night in his sleep. But he could do something about it all now. Why did he allow everything unspoken to keep swirling around in his head when he could just say them out loud right now, take control back of his mind and of his feelings.
As the wheels in his head spun, Bakugo waited and let him think. He could have sworn he felt their knees push together closer, was that his own doing or just his imagination?
“Bakugo,” Eijiro started.
The blond was sitting right in front of him, stunning. In the time he’d gotten to know Bakugo over the last year the blond never failed to leave him breathless when he looked at him, and right now was no exception. His words, his presence, his actions, everything about him and the way he acted with Eijiro, it all left Eijiro with a deep ache in his chest that wrapped around his heart and threatened to spill from his mouth. Bakugo’s eyes bore into his own with a commanding focus. They shone with a vivid red that looked eager like he was waiting on the edge of his seat for what Eijiro was going to say next. He was going to do it, he was finally going to tell Bakugo what he should have a long time ago. And the only thing stopping Eijiro from saying how he actually felt was himself.
“Kacchan, are you- oh! Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to interrupt!”
Himself and Midoriya.
The greenette barged into the bathroom and immediately turned bright red and started apologizing profusely. The spell that had been cast over the two of them in the moment before shattered in an instant.
Eijiro suddenly felt very angry. It wasn’t that he was unfamiliar with his anger, he got angry at stuff all the time just like everyone else. But this kind of anger felt potent and raw like an exposed nerve had just been hit. He had been this close to telling Bakugo everything, about his nightmares, about how scared he was when he thought he had lost him, about how much he cared about him and wanted to always be there for him… and Midoriya had to come in and ruined it. The interruption of their moment was like whiplash and all of his jealousy washed back over him again like someone had just dumped a bucket of cold water over him. He snapped back to reality.
“It’s fine. We were done anyway,” Eijiro stated bluntly, his mood having done a complete one eighty. He uncrossed his legs and went to stand up, ignoring the residual vertigo he had from his anxiety a few minutes ago.
“Kirishima-,” Bakugo started to say, attempting to bring his focus back to him.
“I should get back to training, you guys should too,” Kirishima interrupted. He shuffled past Midoriya who was still standing in the doorway, eyebrows almost touching his hairline and mouth slightly agape, and walked swiftly from the bathroom back to the training room. Their session was over now and the class had cleared out for the day so he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder making a bee line for the exit before Bakugo and Midoriya could catch up to him. He wanted to get as far away from the two of them as possible.
___
As soon as Eijiro got back to the dorms he took the coldest shower his body would allow. He washed off all the sweat from training and imagined he could clean away all the anger and jealousy he felt that was festering under every inch of his skin. He also made the water extra cold so he wouldn’t stay in there and spend a half hour thinking himself to death.
Now he was sitting in the kitchen while his friends mulled about making dinner. As tempting as it had been to lock himself away for the night in his room, he figured he’d at least try to distract his messy brain. Plus, after his little meltdown this afternoon he wanted to try to act like everything was fine now to keep up appearances. So, he joked and laughed and talked with them like he was his normal self, like he wasn’t slowly having his heart broken, like he wasn’t waging war with himself inside his head. Everything was light and fun and carefree until the conversation inevitably turned.
“-and then Midoriya hit him with this supercharged kick that sent Bakugo flying back at least 20 feet!” Denki was in the middle of recounting the fight from training to Mina, even though like everyone else in the class, she’d watched along in stunned awe too. “Bakugo didn’t even hesitate to launch himself back into the fight and he blasted himself forward so he could grapple Midoriya to the ground! It was insane!”
Eijiro felt his frustration starting to grow. Why was everyone treating it like it was something so spectacular? His friends hadn’t been the only ones to talk about Bakugo and Midoriya, Eijiro had overheard at least three other conversations between different classmates that recounted the training duo. It was just training, they did this all the time, why should the two of them be praised for doing something that was expected of them all. He couldn’t keep his annoyance to himself anymore and rolled his eyes.
“Bakugo and Midoriya train all the time, Denki. It’s not that special,” he bit out trying to keep the majority of his harshness from his voice. Denki didn’t appear to catch on.
“You must not have been watching the same thing I was, Eiji,” he teased. “There was like electricity in the air between them… wait there literally was!”
“Since when are you so poetic,” Hanta interrupted, making his entrance into the kitchen having caught the tail end of Denki’s little ramble.
“I have my moments,” Denki remarked, keeping the teasing lit in his voice. He went back to the mac and cheese he was heating up on the stove while Hanta made for the fridge. Eijiro should have just kept his mouth shut at that point. There was no point in continuing to talk about this afternoon, he didn’t even want to talk about it, but something in him felt the need to defend his stance and explain away the training scene to his friends. Perhaps he thought if he could convince his friends that things between Bakugo and Midoriya were nothing more than training, he’d be able to convince himself too.
“Bakugo is always super serious with his training. When we train together he gets really into it too,” Eijiro commented bluntly after a few seconds of silence from the group. He felt the need to include himself in this conversation of Bakugo. Denki looked back to him from the stove and Hanta gave him a curious glance. Mina too gave him a surprised look from where she sat on the counter, her eyes looking up from her phone screen. His friends seemed to have caught onto a different tone in his voice. Feeling a little too exposed under the intrigued eyes of his friends he cleared his throat and clarified. “I mean I’d expect nothing less from him.”
The casual statement seemed to break the tension that had suddenly manifested in the room between them all, and Denki laughed off Eijiro’s comment.
“Well yeah, but when was the last time you trained with Bakugo like that? Those two are on a different playing field!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eijiro asked, honestly a little shocked at the statement from his friend. He couldn’t hide his annoyance and knew it was showing through his face and his voice.
“Hey relax man don’t get all defensive,” Denki teased. “It was just a joke.”
Why did Denki feel the need to keep idolizing Bakugo and Midoriya as training partners? Eijiro was starting to get angry now. “Yeah, well I didn’t really find it funny, Kaminari,” Eijiro snapped in a low voice.
Denki reeled back visibly at the remark, clearly surprised at Eijiro’s tone and his reverting to his surname. He opened his mouth to respond but before he could get any words out Hanta had inserted himself between the two of them and turned to Eijiro.
“I think Denki just means that those two are just different when it comes to stuff like that. They have a lot of history and chemistry and it makes their fights and their training more, I don’t know… more intense I guess. You know, the rivals going at it with each other?” Hanta tried to placate the situation. Seeing that Eijiro was clearly still irritated by the comments made, he pressed a little further. “We all know Bakugo trains hard with you too, Eijiro.”
A beat of tense silence passed and Eijiro felt embarrassed for turning this into a whole thing with his friends. He decided to just let it go.
“Sure, yeah, of course,” he conceded through a forced laugh, wanting this conversation to just end already. He gave Hanta a soft smile without teeth to give the impression that he was fine. Hanta gave him one last look with the same curious glance from prior, before going back to the fridge to scrounge up dinner. He seemed to have picked up on how bothered Eijiro was, but made no moves to confront him on the matter.
Eijiro felt a rush of heat burn his face and looked down at his hands that rested on the counter to hide his flush. He wasn’t sure if it was from anger or embarrassment, but now he was really wishing he had just stayed in his room for the night. Idiot, calm down it doesn’t even matter what they think.
Not even a minute passed since Hanta had broken up his and Denki’s bickering before the subject of said bickering walked into the room.
“Hey,” Bakugo greeted in a monotone voice as he walked into the kitchen. Eijiro’s head snapped up quickly and turned toward where the blond’s voice had come from.
“Speak of the devil,” Hanta remarked slyly, pulling his leftovers out of the fridge.
“What you shits talking about me?” Bakugo sneered with an added eye roll.
“Oh yeah big gossip,” Hanta teased. The comment earned him a shove from Bakugo who pushed him out of the way so he could have access to the fridge.
“Only the best Kacchan~,” Denki cooed, wiggling his fingers toward Bakugo and letting small sparks of electricity dance between them. He didn’t get to tease for much longer though because Bakugo set off a small explosion that knocked the electric blond to the ground. Denki looked over his shoulder and pouted at Eijiro. “Never mind, I take back all of the praise I said before Eiji.”
Eijiro laughed hard at the comment and momentarily forgot all about being annoyed, letting the tension between him and Denki fade. Smiling and giggling at his friend’s expense he looked down at him on the floor. “You deserved that and you know it.” Which earned him another pout from Denki. He looked up and saw that Bakugo was hiding his snickering at the scene as well from behind his hand. Their eyes met for a split second before Bakugo turned his attention back to the fridge dropping his smile, but not before Eijiro saw a glint of amusement in the boy’s eyes.
“Hi Baku!” Mina cheered from her spot on the counter, finally pulling her eyes out of her phone for good. “Oh my god, Denki are you burning the mac and cheese?!” She jumped down from the counter and rushed over to the abandoned stove to try to save Denki and hers’ dinner.
“What?? No!” Denki cried, scrambling off the ground and joining her at the stove. Hanta moved to take Mina’s seat on the counter as Eijiro heard the microwave ding behind him, his ramen now done heating up. He heard the fridge close behind him and then Bakugo was standing beside him moving to reheat his katsudon leftovers in the microwave.
Eijiro felt very alert suddenly. He was hyper aware of how his and Bakugo’s shoulders were brushing together and how close their hands were on the counter. The breath caught in his throat ever so slightly and he had to remind himself to inhale less he go even more red in the face. It was certainly not the first time he’d been flustered in the blond’s presence but given the events of today he felt it a little more. He prayed that if he was blushing in any way Bakugo would assume it was from the heat of the kitchen. He swallowed the lump in his throat.
“Nice job in training today Bakugo!” Eijiro commented cheerfully, keeping his voice at an even volume so their conversation could be confined to just the two of them. “You’re all anyone is talking about tonight! You looked great out there.”
Bakugo seemed to clench his jaw slightly before he responded with, “What else did you expect, just because I haven’t fought in a while doesn’t mean I can’t kick all of your asses!”
Eijiro chuckled at the brashness of the response and felt himself relaxing.
“Don’t worry man, we know,” he assured, clapping his hand on the blond’s shoulder. He could feel some of the tension in his friend’s shoulder muscles loosen up slightly at the gesture. Bakugo made no moves to brush his hand away so he kept it there for a moment longer.
“…thanks,” Bakugo grumbled, though Eijiro could tell that he meant it sincerely. “How… um, how are you feeling?” Eijiro smiled and moved his hand back to the counter.
“I’m fine now,” Eijiro smiled and looked over at Bakugo who seemed very interested in looking at the microwave heating up his food. “Thank you, for earlier.”
At this Bakugo nodded but kept his eyes focused on the microwave. He dropped his gaze back down to the counter giving pause to the conversation. After a few seconds, he turned his head slightly and locked eyes with Eijiro. He had the same kind of conviction in his gaze that he’d had in the bathroom when they had talked. The intensity of his eyes was enough to make Eijiro swallow hard again. A beat passed before Bakugo spoke again.
“You did good in training today too, Kirishima. You looked good.”
Eijiro felt his cheeks begin to flush at the comment. They continued to hold eye contact and it looked like Bakugo was waiting for him to say something. It felt like a minute a silence between them passed when in reality it was more like three seconds. Flustered, Eijiro tried to form a coherent sentence but he never got a chance to say it.
“Hey I was part of that too!” Denki interjected, coming to grab two bowls from the cabinet between Eijiro and Bakugo.
The little bubble that had formed between Bakugo and him had been broken again for the second time that day. Eijiro nearly groaned audibly. Bakugo’s attention broke away and he turned to Denki who was already moving away.
“Oh yeah I saw you, getting your ass handed to you,” Bakugo hissed, making a fist with his hand.
“Hey!!”
Bakugo turned back to the counter and Eijiro smiled to himself at everything Bakugo had said. He caught himself and tried to brush off the interaction they had just shared. He wasn’t trying to make something from nothing and get his hopes up and twisted. Instead he tried to focus on the fact that Bakugo and him were good and nothing from this afternoon had any effect on how they interacted with each other. He was snapped out of his thoughts by Bakugo starting the microwave for a second time. This time he appeared to have some microwavable popcorn in there.
“What’s the popcorn for?” Eijiro asked.
“Four eyes made me pick the movie for class movie night, so I picked that new Marvel movie everyone kept talking about. Came to make sure you guys are coming too,” Bakugo answered casually.
“Mmm sounds like Bakugo wants us to come, picking a movie we all wanted to see,” Mina teased from over at the stove still.
“Shut the fuck up! I just don’t want to be left alone with those lame fuckers! I hardly want to go anyways,” Bakugo protested.
“Aww!” Eijiro joined in on the teasing. He had been talking to Bakugo about this movie coming out for the last week or so now. It wasn’t lost on him that he had decided to pick that as the movie tonight.
“Of course we’ll come!” Mina cheered.
“Let me text Sho and see if he wants to come down for it too,” Hanta added from where he had been silently scrolling on his phone waiting for the others to finish up.
“He’s already there,” Bakugo told him. The microwave dinged for the popcorn. “Izuku and I were hanging out down here and he showed up a few minutes ago. Round Cheeks is probably there now too.”
Eijiro’s stomach sank. He had figured that everyone or at least most of the class would be watching the movie, but he hadn’t really thought it through completely. He imagined sitting there and watching Bakugo and Midoriya sit next to each other and laugh and make comments to each other like how he and Bakugo usually did. Wondering if Bakugo would press their knees together under the blanket or if Midoriya would put his head on Bakugo’s shoulder when he got tired. Was he being irrational? Maybe, but the thoughts seemed to be becoming more and more real the more he watched the two of them interact with each other. Weariness from the stresses of the day then started to wash over his body and he felt exhausted. He just knew that if he was to stay downstairs with everyone it would only upset him further.
“Yes! I’ve been waiting for this movie! I’ll see if Jiro wants to come!” Denki announced heading for the common room.
“I actually think I’m gonna call it an early night tonight guys. Kinda tired after today,” Ejiiro said, trying to be as casual as possible. He rubbed at the back of his neck to relieve some of the tension that had built up there.
All eyes in the room whipped over to look at him, but the most shocked of all had to be Bakugo. His eyebrows knit together and he looked genuinely surprised.
“Huh?” Mina questioned.
“I thought you’ve been wanting to-.” Denki started.
“We can watch it again at a squad night together! I’m just a little tired and want to head to bed early tonight,” Eijiro spoke gently, offering a hopeful smile. He looked over to Bakugo whose surprised expression had morphed into one of confusion.
“Yeah… sure fine,” Bakugo offered in response, going back to his monotone tone and an unreadable expression. Eijiro wasn’t sure how to react.
“But Eiji-,” Denki started again.
“He said no, let it go,” Bakugo snapped harshly. He sounded angry for some reason. It was almost enough for Eijiro to change his mind about going. “Anyone who’s coming, be there in 15 or it’s starting without you.”
At that Bakugo grabbed his katsudon and the bowl of popcorn and made for the common room, leaving the kitchen without waiting for anyone to respond to him.
It was silent for a moment as they all watched the explosive blond leave.
“You sure, Eijiro?” Hanta made sure one more time.
Eijiro nodded. “I’m positive, you guys go have fun!” He gave them all a cheerful smile to make sure they wouldn’t worry about going without him. Hanta and Denki returned his smile and left to go to the common room where the others were gathering. Mina however remained at the stove and ate a spoonful of her mac and cheese. She gave him a skeptical look.
“You know you’re not exactly being subtle. Did something happen? Or maybe something happened between you and Bakugo?” Mina interrogated.
“Whoa what?? No we’re- we’re fine!” Eijiro defended in a rushed panic.
“Oh please,” Mina dismissed with a wave of her hand before taking another bite of her dinner. “You always do movie night, especially if it’s Bakugo suggesting it! And that’s happened only one other time since last year; it’s a rarity that needs to be taken advantage of. Plus you’ve talked about wanting to watch this with him since they announced the release date of it!”
His hand went back to his neck to rub away some of the tension. He had said those things and he had been really enthusiastic and adamant about watching it with them, specifically watching it with Bakugo.
“Also… you’ve seemed a little off ever since training,” Mina continued, this time speaking a little more gently. “And you’ve been all snappy towards Denki and Hanta. I know you… left quickly towards the end of training. Did something-?”
“I’m just tired Mina. It’s been a long day,” Eijiro sighed. She considered it for a moment.
“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”
“What??”
“Eiji, sweetie” Mina sighed. She put her bowl on the counter and walked over to him. She cupped his face in her hands to make sure he was looking down at her. Eijiro had had a considerable growth spurt over the last few months making him now a good six inches or so taller than her. In fact, he was taller than most of his friends now, even standing taller than Bakugo by a good two inches, not that he thought about that fact a lot.
“I’m not blind. Denki might be. Hanta a little less so. Even Bakugo might be a little blind to it too, but I’m not,” Mina continued. “You should talk to him.”
“About what?” Eijiro played dumb. He knew at this point there was no convincing Mina otherwise. He supposed she had always been able to see how he really felt about the blond. She had seen him break down when he had thought they had lost Bakugo, held him when he sobbed, and offered her support in the aftermath of it all. Though he never said anything to her she was right, he had never been subtle about how he felt.
“Eijiro…” She didn’t have to say anything else.
Eijiro sighed and looked down, sure the blush on his face was more than enough to give him away. He knew she wasn’t going to say anything more, she wanted Eijiro to admit it out loud himself. But doing so felt damning, like it might make everything that was already so delicate shatter and he could lose it all before he even tried.
“Okay… I will,” he conceded, unsure if he really meant it. “I just need some time alone.”
Mina removed her hands and went back to her bowl speaking over her shoulder. “What you need is some time alone with him.”
“Mina!!” Eijiro cried. If he wasn’t red before he certainly was now. She laughed in response to his panic.
“Okay, okay, go sulk in your room, but don’t take too long or you might be too late.” She gave him a sweet smile before leaving him alone in the kitchen.
Eijiro was left to wonder what she had meant by the comment. Too late? He wondered if she also suspected that Bakugo and Midoriya were possibly becoming more than just friends. She was right though. If he kept waiting around he was going to lose any chances he had. He had to at least try.