Chapter Text
“Hahaha!”
“Hey, what’cha got there?” Hal asked upon entering the Lounge of the Watchtower, microwaved popcorn in hand.
Oliver was already sprawled on the couch, his tablet shaking while his stomach lifted up and down with laughter.
“Oh hey!” The archer greeted his colleague with a wide grin. He just couldn’t stop laughing.
“What has you almost peeing your pants, Mr. Billionaire?” Hal asked amused at his colleague’s behavior and a little curious.
“Nah, I’m just watching a rerun of ‘What’s up ‘Murica!’... ye know, catching the latest society gossip an’ such.”
Hal raised an eyebrow. “You really watch that shit show?”
Oliver made a slightly offended grimace. “Duh! I need to know if I am on it with some escapades I don’t remember.” He shifted into a sitting position, more serious now. “...or if anyone is close to finding out my secret identity.”
Hal snickered. “Yeah sure, cuz it would be on that show!”
“Honestly, they somehow got the best sources and are usually faster in reporting than the local news… well… at least on other stuff than actual news.” He looked sheepish. Admitting he actually liked the show for what it was, was still a stretch, even in front of Hal.
“Alright. So show me what’s on it now… must be funny…” Green Lantern sat down, offering some of his popcorn to the archer.
“It’s freakin hilarious!” Oliver said and played the video again for his friend.
“Oh my gosh! That’s the idiot from Gotham, Bruce Wayne, right?”
“Yep.” Ollie said smug, wiggling his eyebrows, wanting to continue, when the doors slid open.
The archer halted when Batman strode in, darkness and brooding clutched to his shoulders, like a shadow attached to his still to be determined human or supernatural body.
Batman merely gave the two green clad heroes a curt nod and continued his stride towards the coffee machine, starting to rummage through a cabinet they didn’t know existed and taking out a coffee brand they hadn’t seen before.
Hal whispered to Ollie :”Is he seriously making coffee?”
Ollie whispered even quieter: “I guess… he’s really only human…” The two were absolutely mesmerized by the man’s action of making himself a coffee in the oh so public lounge of the Watchtower. To say they were bluntly staring was an understatement.
Batman’s shoulders tensed visibly and as if he had eyes in the back of his head his raspy voice shook them out of their stupor. “My cape will still be black, even if you stare holes in it.”
Oliver gasped and Hal was baffled. “Was that sarcasm Spooky?”
Batman ignored them.
Hal was absolutely emboldened by Batman’s obviously human craving for coffee, even though he was still mesmerized with it and even more due to the hidden coffee compartment. Like seriously, who does that? He figured it was time to try something new, after years of fearing his coworker (well not fearing exactly… more like respecting, like highly respecting Batman).
“Hey Batsy, come on over, you gotta see this.” Batman ignored him, almost finishing his coffee endeavor.
“It’s shit from your hometown!” Hal was goating Batman and Oliver was snickering behind him.
Batman turned around, coffee in hand. His white lenses narrowed at Hal and he took it as his cue to continue.
“Yeah, I bet you haven’t seen this yet, barely happened an hour ago. But maybe you should check it out, might be a case for child abuse.” Hal was sure he had Batman’s full attention. The man might be hardened and cold, but what he also was, was widely efficient and cases of child abuse and trafficking always rated high on his list. Hal had witnessed the dedication the Dark Knight put into those cases and always prioritized them.
Hal took Oliver’s tablet and turned it, so Batman could see. And then he pressed play.
Hal and Oliver started snickering at the commentator.
“Ok, don’t get me wrong, I’m only laughing because nobody got hurt.” Oliver said in defense. Batman didn’t react.
“Oh come on, Spooky! It’s funny!” Hal gestured to the video image. “It’s your local idiot billionaire, Bruce Wayne! I mean, who would’ve thought that his kids are inheriting his stupidness?” Hal laughed and Oliver wheezed.
He sucked in air and clapped his hand on his thigh. “Oh come on! The kid stealing the Lamborghini and driving havoc through the city? And the explanation for his action? -They were going to ‘murder’ a turkey!”
“Gotta admit Spooky! Your local billionaire and his offspring aren’t the smartest!” The two heroes on the couch both started laughing again.
Batman didn’t say a word for a short moment. Then he was suddenly in front of the couch, grabbing the tablet with lightning speed out of Hal’s hands.
He immediately stopped laughing, looking up at the looming black figure with wide eyes.
Batman grunted and then his gravelly raspy voice was heard again. “This is state of the art tech. Not for your childish personal amusement!”
And without another word the lights flickered and Batman and his coffee were gone, leaving two baffled heroes on the couch.
“What did I say?” Hal asked into the now empty room.
Oliver turned to him, open mouthed and whined. “That was my tablet.”
***
Batman was fuming. Well Bruce was fuming. His day had not been what he would have liked.
And now this! He blankly starred at his empty coffee drawer in his private office on the Watchtower. How could this day get any worse?
This afternoon he had been at his Wayne Enterprise office in Wayne Tower, downtown Gotham. Even though Tim did a lot of CEOing these days, Bruce was still the majority shareholder and once in a while he felt the need to show up and sign some papers himself.
And then the call came.
It was Damian over the office line. He demanded to be taken towards the animal shelter on the East Side. He insisted it was an emergency and since ‘neither Pennyworth nor any of his other useless siblings’ were available he demanded Bruce to drive him, now!
Bruce had tried to calm his son down and was rewarded with Damian hanging up after releasing a bunch of swears in Arabic that Bruce had to wonder if he made some of it up or if the League of Assassins taught extensive swearing.
Sighing he decided to indulge his son, got to the Bentley and headed in the direction of Wayne Manor.
A few miles from home he saw a suspiciously familiar yellow Lambhorghini speeding towards town.
You would excuse Bruce for drawing the sensible conclusion of one of the older silblings taking Damian to where he wanted to go. That would be the reasonable conclusion. However, instead when the car passed by, way over speedlimit, Bruce’s fingers clutched his wheel and his jaw slacked.
Driving was non-other than Damian himself, who was way too short to actually see where he was going.
Damian’s eyes met Bruce’s while they passed each other. His mouth went slack and then set into a familiar tense expression. Bruce immediately recognized it as his son’s stubborn facial expression and knew this would not end well.
And it didn’t.
Damian, never one to back down, had entered the city, going way over speed limit. Bruce had turned around and made to follow him. Unfortunately, Bruce wasn’t fast enough.
He saw the taillights of the Lamborghini swaying, the car sliding while Damian took a hard turn, and then crash sideways into a parked car, the front hitting a lamp post. Not a glorious way to stop the car but not the worst either.
In the end, no one was hurt. And being Gotham’s favorite son had its perks, he simply paid off the damage. Done.
At least to the public eye it was.
He still had his son to deal with.
He went to the Watchtower to get some work done. Only to find his coffee drawer empty. His day could not get any worse. Well...now his colleagues were laughing at him, well, they didn’t know it was him. But still. At least he took the tablet and put a temporary halt to the amusement.
But he had been thinking recently. The betting pool was growing ridiculously and the assumptions of his human or metahuman status became preposterous. Similar to the bets on his secret identity.
But now… he could never tell them. He was a joke. His kids were a menace and he was a joke to be laughed at. Had he failed as a father? As a mentor? As a core member of the Justice League?
All he knew was, he loved his children. All of them! With his whole heart. Even though sometimes he’d like to strangle them!
He shook his head, sipping on his still hot coffee.
A thought came to mind. If it was a good one or not, he didn't want to fathom, yet.
However, fact was, he was now the proud owner of a pet turkey named Jerry.