Chapter Text
What in the world was going on here? Porsche was - well, Porsche didn’t know what exactly he was, which was precisely the problem. Tankhun showing up out of the blue hadn’t been that surprising – Tankhun was so unpredictable he was almost entirely predictable.
But Vegas and Pete arriving, and seemingly at Khun’s request no less, was shocking to say the least. As was the sight of Macau, trailing in behind them and heading straight for Chay, who clapped Macau on the shoulder before pulling into him a side hug and telling him to pull up a stool beside him.
Porsche knew they went to the same university, but he had no idea they had become friends, or were even familiar with each other. Sure, they were all technically the minor family now, but Porsche had been under the impression that Chay and Macau and Vegas hadn’t spent any time together. Which was how he liked it. The comfort between them was jarring at best. And really, he would just like to go a day without it being shoved in his face how little he now knew about his brother.
Porsche was jolted out of his spiralling thoughts by Kinn shifting slightly beside him, the movement causing their arms to rub against each other. Not unusual given how close they were sitting but Porsche almost gasped at the tension he could feel there. He glanced at his partner and immediately swung his head back to their brothers and Macau, where Kinn was staring, with a look Porsche would say landed somewhere between disbelieving and affronted.
At least he wasn’t the only one taken aback by the relationship between their brothers and Kinn’s cousin. But while Porsche’s indignation was aimed mostly at himself and his apparent obliviousness, he knew that the tension between the two families ran deep, and anything to suggest otherwise would not only be jarring for Kinn but would put him immediately on the defence. Which was just fucking wonderful. Today was supposed to be about amends and honestly fuck Tankhun and his meddling.
Porsche’s attention was drawn back to Macau, who was currently midway off his stool, his hand on Chay’s shoulder to steady himself, glancing around the island.
“Does anyone want a drink?” he asked everyone, apparently completely oblivious to the tension simmering around the table. In fact, it seemed that everyone was oblivious to the tension radiating off Kinn right now except Porsche.
“Since when is Macau so comfortable here?” Kinn asked Kim as Macau made his way into the kitchen. And Porsche was sure nobody else could hear it but there was a twinge of hurt in his voice. After all, Kinn had only been at Kim’s apartment for the first time this week.
Kim merely shrugged at him in response before focusing his attention back on his breakfast. “Him and Chay are friends. They hang out here, study,” he answered as if that was not news that would shock his older brother.
Macau chose that minute to return to the island, a fresh coffee in his hand that he slid in front of Kim and a large glass of juice for himself. He was obviously hanging out here enough that not only did he know his way around Kim’s kitchen and was comfortable taking from it what he wanted, he also knew how Kim took his coffee,
“You seem surprised, cousin,” Vegas scoffed from across the counter. Okay so, Porsche wasn’t the only one aware of Kinn’s state of being right now. But of course, Vegas would smell blood in the water and pounce.
Porsche could sense Kinn’s response before he voiced it but luckily for everyone, Khun intervened.
“Ugh, please do not be your wretched self, Vegas,” he responded exasperated, but Porsche couldn’t help but notice that his tone lacked its usual venom when talking to or about his cousin.
Vegas, however, couldn’t help himself from pushing.
“Honestly I’m surprised you and Porsche got this far in your little game against your Daddy dearest” he said, leaning back in his stool, elbow resting on the backrest and an eyebrow raised in challenge at Kinn.
“And what exactly is that supposed to mean?” Kinn shot back, his body going rigid beside Porsche. Porsche sighed heavily and placed a hand on Kinn’s arm in an effort to keep him in his seat.
“It means…” Vegas started but was abruptly cut off.
“That’s enough,” Pete said firmly. “We were asked here for a reason. Anything else can wait, okay?” Pete said, turning his head slightly at Vegas, who after holding Kinn’s stare for another few seconds, eventually bowed his head slightly before leaning forward again, both elbows now resting on the table, suitably chastised. And honestly that was up there with the most shocking things Porsche had seen and heard in the last few days.
“Now,” Pete said, turning to Khun, “We all know why we’re here. But we’ll need reassurances from the major family about what this means for Vegas and Macau going forward.”
“And you, P’Pete” Macau added firmly, causing all heads to swing towards him. Macau was looking intently at Pete, and Porsche noticed that while he seemed to be doing his best to seem confident in his outburst, his hands were clenched on the table, and he was biting his lower lip.
Chay as well, seemed suddenly out of sorts, and kept glancing between Macau, Vegas and Kinn.
He’s afraid of a fight breaking out, Porsche realised suddenly.
It seemed Kim had come to the same realisation as he turned in his seat, so he was sitting sideways with his front to Chay’s side, and lifted his right arm to go around Chay’s shoulders, his left going to rest on Chay’s thigh.
Chay didn’t acknowledge him but the way his shoulders relaxed slightly didn’t escape Porsche’s notice.
“Okay,” Pete continued, “the three of us need reassurances.”
At that, the table turned to stare at Kinn.
“What reassurances are you looking for exactly?” Kinn asked, and the vitriol he coated the question with nearly even caused Porsche to wince.
And just like that, the flame had been stoked into a fire and Vegas was out of his seat leaning over the island at Kinn. Chay shot back in his seat, both Macau and Kim stepping in front of him protectively.
Pete was standing with Vegas; his stance wasn’t threatening, not in the slightest, but he wasn’t holding Vegas back either. Porsche knew this was part of what had made Pete such a good bodyguard. He looked incredibly nonchalant. And for that he was often underestimated - never looked at as much more than a bystander, a definite weak link. It meant you didn’t see him coming. And Porsche was getting the distinct impression that if he had to, Pete would go to bat for Vegas against his former boss right now over croissants and coffee.
In the midst of it all, Porsche was vaguely aware of the distressed sounds Khun was making before Arm and Pol had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, Pol manoeuvring Khun behind him and Arm seamlessly stepping into a protective stance that was easily recognisable to Porsche, in front of them.
“Stop it now!” Porsche’s head snapped towards Kim, who was now standing beside Macau, where Chay had been sitting, but was now standing a couple of steps behind his boyfriend.
Kim was breathing heavily, his hands clenched by his sides as he looked around at everyone, his gaze lingering on his oldest brother who was stock still behind Pol.
“We are not doing this here,” he said through gritted teeth before he turned slightly to look at Kinn. “I don’t care who you are, nobody is doing this here. Okay?”
There was a coldness and a determination in Kim’s eyes that Porsche had never seen before, and he looked like every muscle in his body was poised to strike. Everyone stopped, sharp breaths the only thing to be heard. Tension rippled across the room.
And this, this was Korn’s greatest weapon, Porsche realised. This was a man who in a split second had gone from observing to commanding everyone in the room with just a look and his voice, including his seniors and the heads of the two families.
Kim moved his hard gaze around the table, locking eyes with its occupants one by one. He didn’t say anything because he didn’t have to. The threat was clear.
Finally, the tension started to dissipate. Arm relaxed slightly and Pete sat down, followed by Vegas, and finally Porsche who pulled Kinn down with him.
Kim was last to move, and when he did, he simply looked down at the table and breathed in through his nose deeply before looking back up.
“I need to - not be here,” he said before backing away from the table.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“Kim, we need to sort this out?”
“You can’t leave now!”
“You know what, yes I can leave now. I can leave now because this is my fucking home. This is my space away from the chaotic fucking madness that is our family and now you’ve turned it into the new Theerapanyakul fight club. So, I’m going to ask all of you to just fucking stop and give me some space. And if you can’t all be here without killing each other, get the fuck out and do it somewhere else.”
And with that, Kim stalked from the room, the kitchen door slamming behind him. A deathly silence settled on the group; the tension so thick Porsche thinks a machete wouldn’t get through it.
It’s Tankhun, of course, who eventually breaks the silence.
“Well, that was dramatic. But maybe a nap will do him good, he does look positively gaunt. And with those cheekbones it’s really not a good look for him,” he muses, like that is seriously his primary concern about Kim right now. Porsche doesn’t miss the tremble in his hands though.
Fuck, he thinks. He really hopes this doesn’t set Khun back.
It seems Pete has the same thought as he reaches out and gently squeezes Khun’s wrist before whispering something into his ear before glancing subtly at Arm who is already halfway to the kitchen, presumably to make Khun his favourite tea to calm his nerves. Interesting that there seems to be some here and that Arm knows where to go to get it.
Silence settles around them once more and Porsche can feel Kinn breathing heavily beside him. He leans his body ever so slightly to the right, so he’s touching Kinn from shoulder to knee. It’s the only thing Porsche feels like he can do to help Kinn right now.
“Should someone go after him?” Kinn eventually asks, directing the question at Porchay, who is now back in his seat, Macau beside him, still gnawing on his lip.
“No, he said to give him space. I’ll go sit with him in a while,” Chay answers and he looks sad to Porsche, although he musters up a small smile for Kinn.
“But he…” Kinn doesn’t get a chance to finish before he’s interrupted again. By Vegas this time and Porsche steels himself for another confrontation.
“He said he needs space,” Vegas huffs at Kinn, condescendingly.
“Vegas,” Pete breaths out and his tone suggests he’s one step away from putting both him and Kinn in time out.
Vegas glances at Pete before letting go of the tension he’s holding in his body.
“Okay look,’ he says looking at Kinn, condescension gone. “I need you to not to take this personally, but you don’t get it.”
“Get what, exactly?” Kinn is bristling, and Porsche knows Kinn is definitely taking this personally.
Vegas chuckles slightly before he speaks, but there’s no venom in his tone, he simply looks - a little sad.
“The crushing weight of being your father’s weapon,” he says when he does finally speak, looking Kinn straight in the eye.
Porsche can feel Kinn about to respond, probably to argue which Porsche thinks is fair because Kinn knows all about being under his father’s thumb. But Vegas holds up a hand to stop him.
“I know you get the pressure, heir apparent and all that,’ he says, waving his hand dismissively. “And let’s face it, our fathers were born into the same family. Yours might not use his fists like ours did but I know he’s not exactly in line for father of the year either.”
Porsche feels Kinn’s head snap up at that, but he doesn’t see it because he’s too busy staring at Vegas in shock. Then at Macau, who is looking determinedly down at the table. His knuckles are white, his fists are clenched so tightly and Chay’s hand is on his back. Chay who looks - not shocked. Pete is also looking at Macau, concern radiating off him before he looks back to Vegas, and Porsche sees his hand move slightly under the island, presumably going to Vegas’s leg.
And so many things just became so unbelievably clear to Porsche. Gun Theerapanyakul had such an inferiority complex, such disdain for being the second son, that he took it all out on his own son.
In fact, Vegas is probably the only one at the table who came close to understanding what Kim was going through. And wasn’t that an unsettling thought. While Kinn and his older brother were not loved by their father by any means, and there was definite manipulation and neglect, Kim was the one who bore the brunt of Korn’s scheming and abuse. A fate Vegas knew all too well.
“You’ll never understand what it’s like to be him. To be forced to do what he’s done. To be useful only for how quickly you can kill. How much you can make it hurt. To do it all, and still never, ever be looked at like you’re anything more than a disappointment. That’s the world he lives in, Kinn. And this…” Vegas waves his hand around the room suddenly, and Porsche wonders if he even knows he has everyone at the table hanging on his every word.
“This is his safe space. All that shit happens outside these walls, and we’ve just effectively barged through them,” Vegas finishes and looks around the table, looking suddenly very uncomfortable, like he’s just realised how much of himself he’s revealed to the enemy.
It’s Chay who breaks the silence that follows, pushing his chair back so suddenly it topples over. He’s halfway across the room before he says anything.
“I need to go check on him…”
The end of his sentence is drowned out by the door swinging shut but nobody missed the crack in his voice.
“Shit - I didn’t mean to…” Porsche looks up at Khun, who is now looking very upset that he may have hurt his brother.
“It’s not your fault Khun Nu,” Pete responds soothingly.
“Actually, it is,” Vegas answers, causing all heads to snap towards him again. Pete actually looks like he might hit Vegas this time. Vegas, however, is undeterred. “It’s all of your faults for not noticing. For assuming the worst in him. For letting him push you away.”
Kinn goes rigid again and Porsche sighs heavily internally. Leave it to Vegas to push on Kinn’s bruises.
“What makes you think you know him so well?” Porsche asks.
“Do you really think the enforcers of the major and minor families have never crossed paths on a job?! You’re more naïve than I thought,” Vegas scoffed. “Besides, Macau hangs out here. I’ve picked him up a few times. It didn’t take long for either of us to realise that we share a similar disdain for our fathers.”
“You expect us to believe that Kim just lets you in here?” Kinn spits at Vegas. And Porsche knows that Kinn is thinking of Porchay’s kidnapping and Vegas’s part in it. Porsche also finds it difficult to believe that Kim forgave Vegas for that. But here the proof is, staring him in the face.
“You can believe what you want. Makes no difference to me,” Vegas said as he popped a piece of pastry in his mouth, smirking around it at Kinn.
“Did nobody hear what Kim just said?” Khun cut in before Kinn or Vegas could take their sparring any further. “I suggest we start doing what we came here for. And that means you two must behave. Okay?”
Khun looked around the table much like Kim had earlier and Porsche was struck with the realisation that Khun would have been a formidable boss, if everything had worked out as it should have.
For his part, Vegas raised his hands in the air before leaning back in his chair, seemingly completely unbothered.
Porsche took a breath and then reached out to squeeze Kinn’s thigh in an effort to bring them both back to the mission at hand. They locked eyes briefly, before Kinn turned back to the table.
“Okay, you say you need reassurances. Let’s talk.”
*
Porchay opened Kim’s bedroom door open gently, calling out quietly before going in.
“Kim?”
This was new-ish territory for him. Sure, Kim had tried to push Chay away when he’d first come home that night panicking, but it had been months since Chay had watched Kim walk away from him like this. He knew it wasn’t Chay himself, it was the situation, but he didn’t want Kim to have to deal with anyone in his space he didn’t want there. Including Chay.
“Can I come in?”
Kim was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking like he had plonked himself there when he stormed in and hadn’t moved since. He was staring emptily at the floor in front of him, until Chay called out to him.
“Hmmm?”
“Can I come in?” Chay repeated gently. “You can say no. It’s okay if you want to be alone.”
“Come here, Angel,” Kim said, holding his hand out towards Chay and smiling slightly.
Chay all but shot across the room, grabbed Kim’s hand where it was outstretched before him and sat down beside him, so he was almost on his lap.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m so tired, Chay.”
“I know. That’s what a breakdown and an almost breakdown in two days will do to you,” Chay huffed, trying to inject some humour into his tone, but it fell flat with the weight of sadness in his own voice.
“Come on, lie down,” Chay said, standing as he said it, and moving in front of Kim so he was looking down at his boyfriend on his perch at the edge of the bed. “Arms up. You’ll roast sleeping like this at this hour.”
Chay leaned down, gently pushing his fingers under the hem of Kim’s t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head. He threw it on the floor behind him before kneeling and hooking his fingers into Kim’s waistband.
“Come on, up,” he encouraged Kim with a light tap of his finger against Kim’s hip bone. Kim didn’t respond except to lean back on his elbows and lift his hips so Chay could slide his sleep pants off, leaving him in his underwear.
Chay helped Kim hoosh on the bed until he was lying the right way and settled on his pillow and then took care of his own clothes, dumping them on the floor with Kim’s before climbing over his boyfriend and getting into the bed on his other side. He could have walked around the bed, but Kim was holding his hand and he didn’t want to let go.
Kim didn’t stir as Chay settled – he didn’t let go of his hand – but he didn’t move, just stayed lying on his back, staring at the ceiling.
“Sleep, Kim. I’m right here,” Chay whispered, squeezing Kim’s hand lightly with his.
*
Kinn knocked gently on Kim’s bedroom door. It did not escape him that this was the second time in as many days that he was knocking on a door of his brother needing to apologise.
Shit. How did he keep ending up back here? Porsche said that it would be hard but fuck he didn’t expect to constantly feel upended. It was bad enough that he was learning his brother all over again, but that on top of the conflict in the family and Vegas’s declaration of Kinn’s perceived failures, has made him feel – well he feels, just that. Like a failure.
Fuck. Kinn wishes he could hit fast forward and just get to the other side of all the bullshit, get his father off his fucking throne and then they can all move on. Hopefully with some sort of relationship to speak of.
Taking another deep breath, Kinn knocks again before gently opening the door. Kim and Porchay have been gone for three hours and while Kinn would love to let them sleep more, they’ve progressed discussions as far as they can without their input.
Kinn pokes his head through the crack in the door first, lest he walk in on something he doesn’t want to see. He assumes they didn’t hear him because they’re sleeping, but you never know.
Kinn breathes out a gentle sigh of relief at the sight before him. They are just sleeping, thankfully. Kim has the covers nearly kicked off him, his whole top half exposed, but he can barely see the tops of Chay’s bare shoulders, his side of the covers pulled nearly up to his chin. They’re each lying on their backs, on their own pillows, on their own sides of the bed but when Kinn steps further into the room, he can see that their hands are laced between them.
It doesn’t surprise Kinn in the slightest when Kim tenses and his eyes spring open when he takes his next step into the room. It’s a testament to how tired he was that Kinn got as far into the room as he did.
“It’s just me,” he whispered.
The tension leaves Kim’s body and he blinks slowly, trying to wake himself up properly. Looking back up at Kinn, he asks, “what time is it?”
“You’ve been in here about three hours,” Kinn replied.
Kim sighed and turned his head slightly to look at Chay before looking back to Kinn.
“Okay, we’re coming,” he said, sounding not even the least bit rested.
“I’m sorry, Kim, we just can’t move this along any further without you two,” Kinn said.
“I know, it’s okay,” Kim whispered, and there wasn’t any resentment in his tone, but he wasn’t looking at Kinn anymore. He had shifted slightly so he was still on his back but looking at Chay. He untangled the fingers on his left hand that were wrapped in Chay’s, and brought his hand to Chay’s hair, stroking his fingers through it gently.
“Chay, angel,” he whispered. “We have to get up.”
Kim didn’t move, or speak any louder, just kept stroking his hands across Chay’s scalp. After a few seconds, Chay’s eyelids started to flutter open. Kinn saw him squint at Kim briefly, before he snapped his eyes shut again, turned his nose into the pillow and shuffled himself onto his side and across the gap between them so he was half lying on top of Kim.
“Nngh,” he mumbled, moving his head so his face was buried between Kim’s neck and shoulder.
“Come on, angel,” Kim coaxed on a laugh, but he didn’t seem to be getting anywhere.
“Take your time, we’ll order some food,” Kinn said, suddenly feeling like he was intruding.
Kim raised his eyes to meet his brother’s briefly, nodding at him in acknowledgement before his attention was fully back on the man his arms who had definitely fallen back asleep.
Kinn made his way out of the room, but as he was turning around to close the bedroom door behind him, he was greeted with Kim’s back as his brother turned on his side and pulled his boyfriend even closer to him.
He’d give them until the food arrived before he disturbed them again.
*
Thirty minutes later, the smell of noodles once again permeated the house, but this time the dishes were spread across the dining table.
Kim and Porchay entered the room together, both with damp hair and looking significantly more awake than when Kinn had left them in the bedroom.
Neither of them said anything but Kinn could see his little brother was tense, probably expecting his earlier outburst to be thrown back at him.
He was looking around the table at each of its occupants warily, like he was trying to gauge who was going to attack first.
Completely unsurprisingly, it was Porsche who broke the tension.
“Kinn bought the noodle place out again because he likes to apologise with his wallet. I left your favourites there,” he said, nodding at Chay, pointing towards the two empty seats that had at least four sealed take-away containers on the table in front of them.
Kim went to sit down dragging Chay with him. They had left the seat at one end of the table and the one to its right free, which was - odd. That seat should be Porsche’s as head of the minor family, with Kinn at the other end. Kim guessed it was their emotionally stunted way of acknowledging that this was his home. Kinn was seated where he should be, but Porsche was to his right, Macau beside him. Vegas and Pete were sitting opposite them. Tankhun was gone and Kim felt a twinge of guilt, knowing that the afternoon had probably been very overwhelming for his brother. Arm and Pol had quite the few days ahead of them.
Kim looked up at Kinn and Porsche and found the whole table looking at him. He itched to squirm in his seat, but he refused to show any weakness. He remained still, looking at his brother.
“So, what did we miss?” he asked eventually.
*
Chay was – antsy. He didn’t know how else to describe it, but unease was simmering beneath his skin and an ache had taken up residence in the base of his skull in the days since the impromptu family gathering at Kim’s apartment. Tensions were at an all-time high; Korn obviously knew that something was going on and Chay felt rather like prey, constantly on high alert.
And because the stress and fear weren’t enough, bubbling away beneath it all, was the worry. So, so much worry. Worry for his brother whose life was now always at risk and who was living in the belly of the beast. He was worried about Khun, who according to Porsche, hadn’t left his rooms for three days following the family meeting. And Pete had let slip to Macau that Arm and Pol had barely slept in all that time because of Khun’s nightmares.
And then there was Kim. Kim, who for all he was worried about him, was driving Chay nuts. Kim, who was essentially a live wire that Chay had given up trying to get through to about three days ago. Kim, who was stressed, snappy and honestly, starting to become a royal pain in Chay’s –
“Chay!”
“Wh-what?”
“I’ve asked you like three times if you want a drink?” Kim said, irritation dripping from him. Chay would appreciate the offer if Kim’s tone didn’t suggest it physically pained him to give it.
Deep breath, Chay, he’s stressed, he’s stressed, he’s stre
“Oh well, sorry,” Chay snarked back, apparently unable to take anymore deep breaths. “My brain must have decided to finally tune out the sass.”
The look Kim gave him at that would have made a bigger men than Chay cower in fear. Actually, one look from Kim had sent thugs and gangsters running. Unfortunately for Kim, Chay wasn’t scared of him. What he was, was annoyed. Very, very annoyed.
Chay merely raised his eyebrow in challenge at Kim, daring him to push back, to contradict him.
“Whatever,” Kim eventually muttered in his best impression of an angsty teenager before heading out of the kitchen and towards the door that would lead to the bedrooms.
“Uh-huh.” Chay just watched him leave. It wasn’t long before the sound of music with a heavy bass cut through the blissful silence Kim had left in his wake, soon accompanied by the sound of Kim’s fists pounding a punching bag. Kim had turned one of his guest rooms into a small, makeshift gym and Chay had never been more grateful for that than he was this week.
Good, Chay thought. Maybe if he punches the crap out of the bag he won’t be so punchable later.
Taking a deep breath, Chay brought his focus back to the work in front of him and got stuck in.
*
Two hours later, Chay made his way to the gym, which had been quiet for at least twenty minutes or so.
“Is it safe to approach?” Chay asked gently, smiling softly as he stepped into the room.
Kim looked up at him from where he was sitting on a gym mat by the punching bag. He was cross-legged, hands in his lap, and Chay could see where some of his hair had come loose from a ponytail and was sticking to the sweat on his forehead and neck. His cheeks were flushed and the skin on his arms shone. Chay knew it was sweat and kind of gross, but still. He considered it supremely unfair that Kim could look so attractive when he was for all intents and purposes, a mess.
Kim looked up at him then with a small, rueful smile.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “If you want to be near me right now.”
Chay walked over and unceremoniously plopped himself right next Kim on the mat, so he was beside him, but facing the opposite way. They only had to turn their heads the slightest fraction to be eye-to-eye.
“Believe it or not, even when you are insufferable, I can’t go more than a couple of hours not wanting to be beside you,” Chay said, smiling at Kim.
Chay had calmed down significantly since their tiff in the kitchen. A couple of hours to himself and finally getting an assignment finished had given Chay back the perspective that he’d been lacking this afternoon.
“I’m sorry,” Kim whispered.
“Me too,” Chay whispered back.
“No – you don’t have to…” Kim started but Chay cut him off.
“I snapped too,’ he said. “I’m sorry too.”
Kim just looked at him for a second.
“Okay,” he finally said.
Chay leaned forward and kissed him lightly.
“But, seeing as you are – stressed,” Chay paused on the word and sent an impish look to Kim. “Is there anything I can do? Because I’d rather not have another argument over fizzy drinks.”
Kim chuckled at him before he looked down at his hands, turning serious. Chay reached out and grabbed one of his hands with his own, squeezing gently.
“I – I don’t really know,” Kim started quietly, looking back to Chay. “I mean, things have been stressful before, but I’ve never – I mean there’s never…” Kim broke off suddenly, frustrated that he couldn’t articulate what he was trying to say.
“Never, what?” Chay asked gently. If he had learnt anything about Kim it was that now was definitely not the time to allow him to revert in on himself. He wouldn’t force him to talk, but a little encouraging nudge usually helped him along. And patience always helped. Chay would sit here on this dirty gym mat holding Kim’s hand all night if that was what Kim needed.
Finally, Kim looked up at him, and Chay’s heart constricted in his chest at the sheen of tears in his eyes.
“There’s never been anyone here, before. I’ve always been on my own when shit like this happens. I mean, you’ve been here for the shitty jobs and fights with my dad, obviously, but that's pretty new too, and there hasn’t been a threat this serious looming since Uncle Gun’s attack on the family and I…”
Oh.
Chay’s kicks himself internally. He really should have seen that one coming. He’s so mad at himself that he doesn’t realise tears have sprung to his own eyes until Kim pulls his hand from Chay’s and brings both his hands to Chay’s face, thumbs rubbing gently under his eyes.
“Shit, I’m sorry Chay. I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t say that to make you feel bad for me or…”
“I know,” Chay half wailed. “That makes it worse!”
“Wha…”
“You don’t even realise that saying something like that would be heart-breaking. It’s so normal for you to deal with something like this on your own, that you literally don’t know how to ask your boyfriend for what you need. You don’t even know what you need!” Chay finishes on a yell, his voice taking on a shrill tone future Chay will not be proud of.
“Chay, angel, it’s okay,” Kim tries to soothe his boyfriend.
“It’s not okay! Fucking hell Kim, I don’t have parents, reappearing mother who doesn’t know me not included, and I’ve never in my life been that alone.” Chay cuts off, breathing heavily. “I hate your father. He’s a terrible, terrible human and I hate him!
Kim can’t help but let out a gentle laugh at that before pulling Chay forward by the back of his neck and onto his shoulder.
“Come here, Chay, it’s okay,” he said, as he wrapped his other arm around his lower back and placed a kiss on his head.
They stayed that way for a few minutes, Chay breathing deeply, taking in Kim’s scent, and leaving a kiss to his neck every once and a while. Kim for his part, rubbed soothing circles into his back.
Eventually, Chay calmed down enough to lift his head and smile sheepishly at Kim.
“Sorry,” he said. “I came in here to see if you were okay and ended up crying all over you.” Chay rubbed Kim’s shoulder as if he was trying to wipe away the tear stains he’d left on Kim’s t-shirt.
“It’s okay, Chay, I don’t mind,” Kim smiled. It still amazed him when he said things like that to Chay, he meant it. In his previous life - or Kim-Before-Chay as he’d taken to calling himself in his head – he wouldn’t have stayed still long enough for anyone to cry near him, let alone, on him.
Now, the thoughts of not being right with his boyfriend when he was upset made Kim feel sick.
Chay smiled back at him before nudging him in the side playfully.
“You should shower. You smell,” he said, grinning wickedly at Kim.
“Excuse me?!” Kim scoffed. “Says the person who was just nibbling away at my neck for the past twenty minutes!”
“That is a gross exaggeration!” Chay yelled, affronted. But he couldn’t hold back his giggles for long.
Kim stood up then, pulling Chay with him by the hand.
“Come on, if you’re nice to me, I’ll let you shower with me,” he said, winking at Chay.
“Please, I’m always nice to you,” Chay responded. “Maybe I don’t want to shower with you.’
A statement which Kim would have taken seriously if Chay didn’t have his shirt already off and his hands under the hem of Kim’s to do the same as they walked out the door.
*
Hours later, Kim was floating in that glorious place between asleep and awake, where he was not quite aware of his surroundings, but was aware that he was comfortable in bed, wrapped up in his boyfriend.
For the first time in days, he felt like he wasn’t going to crawl out of this skin.
Chay was breathing deeply beside him, dead to the world. He didn’t even stir as Kim nuzzled into his -
A shrill ringing pierced the night and Kim jolted, reaching for his phone before he knew what he was doing. Looking at the screen, he tensed.
“Hello,” he said brusquely.
“Khun Kim, good morning,” Chan’s voice sent needles down Kim’s spine.
“Is it?” he asked coldly.
“Your father would like to see you.”
“And what does my father need at 4.00am?” Kim pushed back, feigning an heir of annoyance.
“One hour, Khun, Kim.”
The call disconnected and Kim turned to look at Chay, only to find him staring back at him with serious eyes.
“It’s time?” he asked.
“It’s time.”