Chapter Text
The whole world stopped for a minute and Carson felt like she was going to throw up. The warm air in the room felt like it was suffocating her and she needed to get out of there. She slowly got up and tried to quickly make her way out of the front door. Lupe and Jess tried to grab her on her way out, but she pushed past them. She needed air. She needed to get out. As she opened the door, the blast of almost January air hit her like a brick wall.
She sat down on the steps for a moment, unaware that that was the exact spot that Greta had just left minutes ago and dropped her head in her hands. The quiet sobs came unexpectedly as she heard the music still swelling in the house. The smell of the winter air was crisp and a faint smell of cigarette smoke made her look up momentarily.
“Carson. Hi.”
She did a double take and thought for sure she was dreaming. She wiped some tears from her face and when the vision of Greta Gill was still there when she looked back, she wanted to fly off the porch and into her arms. But she didn’t. She just whispered her name like a prayer.
“Greta. You’re still here.”
“Well, I mean, St. Louis isn’t exactly New York. I..um… couldn’t get a cab. So…”
Greta played the whole interaction casually, as if her heart wasn’t pounding in her throat and her inclination to take Carson in her arms wasn’t making her hands burn. Carson stayed on the porch and Greta stayed standing a comfortable distance away. Uncertainty settled between them.
“Oh um… do you want me to drive you somewhere, I mean… I could…it’s no problem, let me get my coat. And well… maybe borrow someone’s car..I um…” Carson said as she went to get up from seated.
“I don’t think us being in a car together would work for me right now” Greta said as she closed some (but not all) of the physical distance between them. Carson couldn’t tell if she was being coy or if she was being practical.
“Greta, I need to tell you something and I want you to just listen to me and hear me and not interrupt, ok?”
“Carson, who was that woman?”
Greta needed to know before she made her next move. She needed to know if Carson was still hers. If the dance partner was something, Greta could at least save face a little bit and put on her mask again. She could keep things light. It’s not like she hadn’t been with anybody when she was in New York. Granted, she hadn’t danced with anyone like THAT and she certainly didn’t have feelings for anyone except for the woman in front of her.
For Carson’s part, she didn’t expect Greta to say that. She was hoping to tell her all of the things in her head and in her heart. She had played out the scenario of them seeing each other in her head a million times. In her dreams it was supposed to be that she opened her door to Greta, they fell into each other's arms and everything that had been unspoken for so long was finally spoken. Every touch that had been held back was finally realized.
But here on this porch, everything was hanging on the next breath.
As Greta asked the question, her eyes locked with Carson for the first time in 5 months.
The front door to the house opened and coming with it was the sound of the New Year about to be rung in. The beautiful leggy brunette that Carson was dancing with was suddenly there, champagne flutes in hand.
“Carson, there you are! Come in! It’s freezing out here, sweetheart. It’s almost midnight and I was hoping…”
Greta and Carson were still locked in on each other. The 3 seconds that it took for June to come down the stairs to Carson felt like life or death.
“Hey, Car, come on… it’s almost the countdown…” June sidled up next to the girl she was hoping to kiss as the clock struck midnight.
Carson could feel her whole life flash before her eyes. Charlie. Baker’s Field. Having a catch.
The wink. Greta in her arms. Greta with a baby on her hip. Their baby. Christmases and Birthdays. Waking up next to her. Greta.
The sounds from the house started counting down from 10…9…
“Greta. It was nothing.”
8….7……
Greta kept eye contact and Carson held her breath.
6...5...
“Hey… um…. What’s your name there, Stretch?” Greta said, without barely looking away from Carson for a second.
“Hi, I’m June. I was hoping to steal this lovely lady for a minute….” June turned expectantly to Carson.
5…4…
“Hi, June. Listen…” Greta said as she closed the distance to where Carson was standing. They were finally in arms reach of each other. “ I think you should go back in now because" Greta took a deep inhale. "I am madly, crazy, out of my mind in love with this woman.” She wanted to add “And if you call her sweetheart again, I’ll wipe that pretty little smile off your face” but she left that unsaid. For now.
“Wait…what??” June looked to Carson and was flabbergasted. Carson never looked away from Greta, not even once.
“Yup. Totally head over heels.” Greta’s smile finally reached her eyes and she reached for Carson’s hands, finding them instinctively and pulling them to her chest, her fingers wrapping up in Carson’s necklace.
3…2…
Carson closed any remaining distance between her and Greta as June seemingly (finally) got the picture.
1…
“Happy New Year, Carson.”
And as 1944 rang in, Auld Lang Syne was starting to be sung in the house. Carson's forehead came to rest on Greta's. She needed to breath her in for a second. She needed to make sure it was real.
"You love me?" Carson asked as pulled back a fraction so she could catch Greta's eyes.
"I can't imagine my life without you, Carson" as a tear fell from Greta's eyes. "I love you so much".
As Carson finally kissed Greta, the certainty and finality of the moment struck her. Every single thing that still needed to be spoken was in that kiss. The longing of 5 months. Every hope that she never put down in letters. Every tear that she shed while apart. Every insecurity. Every fear. Every joy.
"Greta, I am in love with you. I have been for a long time", Carson said as their lips came apart for a moment. "Happy New Year, Greta."