Chapter Text
My gift Is My Song, And This One’s For You (KimChay)
Tensions were at an all-time high between magic world and science world.
Somebody had been teaching magic world citizens math! Random fires in metal trash cans were erupting! A phoenix man kept flashing his naked, chiseled figure to voyeurs…cough…innocent bird-watchers! Soft, delicious multi-flavored bread had no one to throw galas for it!
No matter.
Chay knew what he had to do.
He paid the frightful Empress of the Fairies a visit, laden with an armful of word-search books. Seeing that Chay had brought appropriate gifts, the Empress, chilling in his newly constructed, very plushily carpeted basement, was willing to grant Chay an audience. Three life insurances policies later, all on Porsche the phoenix, and Chay was the proud owner of a 5x7 notecard that said: “The Empress of the Fairies hereby decrees---Porchay Kittisawasd can do whatever the heck he wants.”
Who could argue with that?
That’s right.
No one.
Chay was on a mission, and nobody was going to stop him.
Hearts had been broken, painfully aesthetic single tears down one cheek had been shed.
And it was time to do something about it.
*
“Hi, Kim!” Chay immediately squeezed past Kim and sat on his couch. Without waiting for permission!
“You know nothing, Chay Snow!”
“Er, you know its Chay Kittisawasd, right?”
“Sorry, I’ve been rewatching my favorite parts of Game of Thrones. What do you want?”
“I was hoping we could go to a trainyard.”
“A trainyard? Why? Do you really like trains?”
“No,” Porchay smiled, “I just want to rail you.”
“Huh?”
“Sorry. That was a really lame joke and OOC all in one. I’ll snap back to a gen-z doe-eyed ingenue any second now.”
“Um, ok.”
“Anyhoo, here I am……”
Fearful that Chay wasn’t leaving anytime soon, Kim chose to sit in an easy chair, clutching his precious guitar tightly to his chest: “Don’t like, don’t want. Get lost, my most beloved fan who gives me heart-eyes!”
“Can you put the guitar away, Kim?”
“No!”
“Kim……put the guitar away.”
Hiss!
“You’re going to make me play hardball this quickly? Alright, since you insist. If you don’t put the guitar away Kim, I’m going to call both your brother Tankhun and Pyro-Pete over here for a visit.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“I would. And we all know what’ll happen if they visit, Kim……Tankhun will declare you a fashion disaster, insist on throwing all your clothes away, and before you’ll be able to get them out of the dumpster, Pete will have started burning them.”
“Fine! Fine! I’m putting the guitar away! Are you happy now?”
“Close the case all the way, Kim, and then slide it over to me.”
Hiss!
“Oh, you would look at that! My phone that somehow works for both magic world and this world, let me just……”
“Fine!!”
Slide.
“Thank you, Kim.”
Silent pouting.
“Do you want to know why I’m here, Kim?”
No answer from Pouty McPoutyson.
“It’s because you’re clearly suffering from this world’s worst case of emotional constipation.”
“What?! I’m not emotionally constipated!”
“Oh? Great, tell me what you’re feeling right now then.”
“I’m feeling……I’m feeling……”
“Go on.”
“I’m feeling……”
“Annoyed? Irritated? Happy? Sad? Like everyone wants to steal your gender? Maybe soggy? Like really, really soggy?”
“I’m feeling!”
“What? What are you feeling?!”
“I’m feeling very un-emotionally constipated!”
“Are you kidding me? Really?”
“What do you expect?! I just want my guitar!” Sobbing noises. “You haven’t even given me parchment paper and a hand-carved pencil so I can write overly-earnest lyrics! What do you want from me?!”
“Well, I was kinda hoping, thinking it might be nice, if you just……you know, talked to me?!”
“Actual communication is for mature people, Chay! I’m an angsty musical artist/college student secretly investigating his own father! Set some reasonable expectations!”
“Kim, it’s totally reasonable to expect you to be able to have an honest conversation with me.”
“How about I shoot people in the face for you and run away before you gain consciousness?!”
“Thank you, but that’s not what I’m looking for.”
“I can kill a buncha men with my bare hands, and then leave their corpses for you to find while I go brood on a stairwell!”
“That’s nice, Kim, I appreciate it, I really do. But can you look me in the eye and explain your needless subterfuge and what’s up with all your avoidance mechanisms? And, oh, I don’t know, apologize for how you’ve hurt me?”
Kim, shaking his head: “Nooo……but if you wait a couple of weeks, I can film myself soulfully singing a melancholy ballad, post it online for everyone to see, and dedicate it to you?”
“Kim!”
“You know what?! Do you know what?!!”
“What, Kim?”
“This is all very rich coming from the guy with no situational awareness and no concept of how much a set of good headphones cost!”
“Do you think that by diverting the conversation to headphones prices, you can get out of this?”
“Yeees.”
“Got anything else you want to get off your chest?”
“People like you should never be allowed to color their own hair! What……what you did to those headphones……I’ll never get over it, Chay!”
“The headphones? Not the clubbing with skeevy friends of a friend? Not me about to accept some skeevy substance from a sus dude that was patently untrustworthy? Not me chucking my college application into a trashcan cause you broke my heart with your lying? You’re gonna go with the headphones?”
“Yeeees?”
Siiigh. Deep breaths, Chay, deep breaths.
“I think you’re deflecting, Kim. Focusing on the headphones in an attempt to avoid what’s really bothering you.”
“Never!”
“Kim……”
“Give me back my guitar, you diabolically winsome young man!”
More sighing. “I didn’t want to have to do this, but you’ve left me no choice. I’ve got more polaroids, Kim.”
“No!!”
“That’s right, Kim, I’ve got more polaroids of us on kid-friendly dates……You’ll never know you’re going to be confronted with my endearing visage…you’ll never be able to rest, constantly afraid that at any moment a polaroid of us together will be right there! Then you’ll put it in the box and cry over it……I know about the box, Kim.”
“No, no, no, it can’t be……”
“I’ve got polaroids of dates you didn’t even know we went on, Kim……”
“Chay! I give up, Chay, I give up!! Please, I’m begging!”
“Excellent. I’ll have mercy on you if you can express just one emotion you’re feeling and why.”
“I’ll try……give me a minute.”
“Take your time.”
Five minutes later…
“Polaroi……”
“I’m sad! Disappointed! And frustrated!!”
“Progress! Next is a reason why……”
“I feel……”
“You’re doing great, Kim! Keep going!”
“I feel like……”
“C’mon Kim, you can do this, I know you can!”
“I feel like……I feel like I wasn’t given enough screen time to properly flesh out my character!!!”
“Kim……OMG Kim, I’m so proud of you. You did it! Hug time!! Bear-hug time and then you can chastely kiss me on the cheek!!!”
Hug, hug, hug.
“Kim, you’re not crying again, are you?”
Lightning-fast smooch on the cheek.
Then……
“Tell me my hair is pretty! Tell me I have the prettiest, prettiest hair you’ve ever seen!” Much sniffling and bawling.
“Kim, your hair is so pretty that I’m gonna steal a few strands from your hairbrush for my Wik shrine.”
“Thank you, Chay. I’ll act like I never violated healthy boundaries and snooped through your private bedroom. Therefore, I don’t know about your Wik shrine.”
“Thanks, man.”
“I got you, bro.”
“Chay?”
“Yes?”
“Let’s wait at least five years to consummate our idol-fan relationship. Cause I’m a little concerned about our real-life age difference. In the meantime, I’ll go to a licensed therapist and hope that you get taller than me.”
“You’re into that?”
“Chay, I am soooo into that.”
“I love you, Kim.”
“Make me breakfast.”
So, in the end, people from magic world and science world kept messing up each other’s lives, and everyone was stuck doing their best to find the balance between chaos and order.
Making sure to hide any matches or lighters, so that your boyfriend didn’t also commit arson while out thieving……
Not complaining about your husband’s feathers that got everywhere……
Disposing of the bodies when Pete, Porsche, and Kim joined forces and had a flaming night out on the town……
That kind of thing.